This coffee's amazing.
Yeah, it has actual taste.
- I tried something a little different. - What?
I washed the pot.
Wow, fresh coffee, good mood. All right, what's the occasion?
I'm glad you asked. I've been dying to tell someone.
- You see... - I'm having a great morning.
Guy cuts me off, I run him into the sidewalk.
Bum tries to spit-clean my windshield, I splash him with a puddle.
It's all good until I pull up here
and some moron felt obligated to take up two parking spaces.
I don't know anyone who has more trouble parking their car.
Yeah, I'm betting on you.
Anyway, here's why I'm in a good mood.
I had a very nice date last night.
- Was it that dopey UPS guy? - No, he dumped her.
It's probably that college kid, then.
No, he dumped her too.
I know, it's the gay guy.
Well, now in all fairness, that guy wasn't gay until after he dated her.
True. - That's right.
Would you please stop?
There's nothing wrong with this one.
His name is Greg and he's great.
And I have a feeling that someday he might be very special to me.
She said that about the gay guy.
Reg, I gotta go but I don't want you to think I don't care.
It's just that...
Oh, hell. You know, I don't care, do I?
Look, forget about Becker.
He's so insensitive.
He doesn't appreciate you for the fine person you are.
- The fine, full, ample-rounded... - Bob.
What? You picked the shirt. Bob's only human.
Anyway, as I was saying,
his name is Greg and he's very cute.
You're not gonna believe this. My car has been towed.
- How could they do that? - I know. And I parked legally.
No, I meant how could they do that? It doesn't have any bumpers.
Does so. I keep them in the trunk.
You're not gonna believe this.
I thought my car was towed so I went to the impound lot.
It wasn't there which means it wasn't towed.
It was stolen.
What's so funny?
Someone stole your car, ha, ha.
That's crazy.
I mean, the seats are all ripped, the side's all dented in.
You have to start it with a screwdriver.
And it smells like some cat had babies in there.
No offence.
I'll tell you something. Whoever did this is gonna be sorry.
Your car?
Believe me, John, they're already sorry.
Mr. Haller, John Becker.
Sorry I kept you waiting. I'm having a hell of a morning.
Well, I won't be any trouble. I'm just here for a physical.
Well, good, that's simple.
We check your heart and we take your blood, we pee in a cup.
Actually, you pee in a cup.
I can handle that.
So anything I should be looking for?
Any specific complaint?
No, I'm just here because I'm starting a new job
and I need to get my insurance.
Oh, shoot.
Insurance. Damn it.
Whoa, is that a problem?
Yeah, you're damn right it is. My car was stolen and it just hit me.
My insurance company's gonna completely screw me.
You know, it's such a racket. They cover you for everything
except what actually happens to you.
You pay premiums for years. I bet you I don't see a damn dime.
You know, your heart's really racing.
Well, I am sitting here in a lobster bib with some stranger screaming at me.
Look, are you all right?
I mean, you wanna lie down or something?
Oh, I'm all right.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Morning.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I get it.
Margaret called and told you my car was stolen, right?
No, we heard the police had an APB out for a pile of crap.
You know, you should be grateful someone stole your car.
I mean, the seats are torn, the side's all dented in
and the same cat has a litter of kittens in it every spring.
You know, I get a buck apiece for those kittens.
Oh, there you go, Reg, your turn.
You wanna laugh about how my car was stolen?
Becker, I don't care.
Oh, John, she had another date with that, uh, Greg guy.
I think she's mad because nobody asked about it.
What's the point? I'm sure he dumped her.
Of course he dumped her.
Hey, I'm standing right here.
Hey, come on, be sensitive to her feelings.
So how did this guy dump you?
He didn't dump me.
Mm, she sent another one over the rainbow.
And he's not gay.
And I happen to know because he...
Proposed.
- What? - You're kidding.
He proposed on the second date?
Yeah.
And what did you do to make him propose?
And how many times did you do it?
I didn't do anything.
So this guy's not... Not a loser.
He's a lunatic.
Why, because he wants to get married so soon?
Or because he wants to marry me?
- Anybody? You want that? - No.
- Dr. Becker? - Oh.
I know you need to buy a new car, and, well, you're in luck
because I have a special talent for matching people
with the cars they should be driving.
For instance, just last week
I told my boyfriend, Gil, that he should drive a Ferrari.
And that's exactly what he was driving when the police picked him up.
- So I think if l... - Linda, Linda.
What have I told you about coming in here and talking to me?
That I shouldn't waste your time by rambling like I always do.
That I should just get to the point which is sometimes difficult
because if you and I are gonna communicate...
Linda. What do you want?
Mr. Haller's waiting in the hall
to go over the results of his insurance physical.
And there's something else.
Oh, yeah, he's in a hurry.
I'm sorry, Mr. Haller. Come on in.
Sit down.
All I wanted was for you to sign this form. I didn't wanna disturb you.
It's no problem. I just wanna go over a few of your test results here.
And you know, the only red flag I see is your cholesterol
which seems a little high.
But I won't really know that until I check your history.
So your last doctor, what was his name?
Is this really necessary?
Because I think he actually moved out of the neighbourhood.
That's okay. We'll track him down for you.
Listen, all I really needed is for you to just...
Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt but, um, Mr. Haller,
I can't read your social security number.
Is the last digit a two or a five?
Oh, well, it's a...
It's a five.
Oh, thank you.
Margaret, do me a favour. Close the door, will you?
Thank you.
So, what's going on?
What do you mean?
Well, first you didn't want to tell me the name of your last doctor
and now you can't even remember your own social security number.
So I don't remember the number.
It's not like I use it all the time.
And yet you carry it on a folded piece of paper in your pocket.
Look...
I'm in the middle of a real tough situation here.
I'm listening.
I'm... Well, I'm not Jim Haller.
Yeah, I got that.
Jim's my brother.
And a year ago, he got very sick.
Missed a lot of work.
They fired him from his job and he lost his insurance.
Then they finally figured out what he had all along.
Multiple sclerosis.
Only now it's a pre-existing condition
and no insurance company will touch him.
Oh, damn it.
You know, you hear about those stories.
You know, I'm sorry.
So we just figured if I could just pass this physical,
it would solve all of his problems.
You're talking about fraud here.
No one gets hurt. It's an insurance company.
Yeah, and no one hates them more than I do.
But like I just said, this is fraud.
Look, Dr. Becker,
you have a reputation in this neighbourhood for helping people,
for bending the rules.
Yeah, I bend stupid rules, Mr. Haller.
Do you have any idea the position you're putting me in
just by asking me?
Look, I know that I'm asking a lot, but if you just sign this form,
you will never see me again and no one will ever know.
Well, if you'd at least just think about it.
Please.
Give me a couple of days.
Thank you.
Excuse me. I'm looking for Reggie Kostas.
She's in back.
Can you tell her that Greg is here, please?
Greg?
You're Reggie's new boyfriend, aren't you?
Hey, Jake, Reggie's freak of the week is here.
I guess she told you about me.
I know it's crazy, proposing like I did.
After two dates? Yeah, just a little.
Hey, Reggie.
Oh, hi, Greg.
Uh, look, about the other day, yeah.
You see, I didn't know what l...
Look, Reggie.
I know I surprised you the other night when I proposed, okay?
The truth is I surprised myself.
I have just never felt this way about anybody before.
Go on.
It's gonna sound corny
but I think when two people are meant to be together, they know it.
What I'm trying to say...
I believe in love at first sight.
Don't you?
I do.
I did.
Well, I think so.
But us getting married,
Greg, that's crazy.
Maybe.
But if I finally find the woman that I wanna spend the rest of my life with,
and I let her go?
That would be crazier.
Oh, Greg, that's really sweet, but...
All I'm asking you, okay, is just to be open to falling in love.
- Are you open? - I'm open.
Me too.
I mean, is there something holding you back here?
Some dark secret that I don't know about?
No.
No. Everything bad in my life you've already met.
Look, Greg, I'm flattered, but I've only known you two days.
You need time to think about this. I understand.
I'll call you.
Bye.
Go away. How many times do I gotta tell you people?
I've met Jesus. We didn't hit it off.
It's your neighbour.
Well, that's sure not gonna get me to the door.
I signed for a package you ordered.
Well, why didn't you say something? Moron.
Hi.
Oh, yeah, you're, uh...
- Anita. - Right, up in 4C.
- You're the... - Right, the hooker.
Anita the hooker.
I'm thinking of having stationery made.
Anyway, here's your package.
Thank you.
Oh, thanks for tearing it open too.
It was open when I got it.
AM Gold, Greatest Hits of the '70s?
Well, there's one song in there I like.
"The Night Chicago Died"?
Oh, then two songs. Hmm.
Um.
Thank you. Thanks for doing that.
You know, you don't always have to be so uncomfortable around me.
I mean, we can have a normal conversation.
You know, how was your day, how was my day?
It's just that I'm not sure how much of your day
I'd be comfortable talking about.
Fine. How was your day?
Uh...
Today not so great, as a matter of fact.
Some guy came in and wanted me to do something I'm not sure I can do.
I am with you so far.
Go on.
Well, actually, he wanted me to commit insurance fraud.
Funny thing is, the more I think about it,
the more I think I might do it.
- You can't. - No, you don't understand.
He's got a very good reason.
It doesn't matter. It's illegal.
Yeah, you know, no offence here, Anita,
but it's a little strange hearing that
coming from somebody who breaks the law by the hour.
Hey, no one gets hurt by what I do.
Well, except one guy.
But he pays extra.
It's a little more complicated than that, you know.
I could end up helping somebody who really needs it.
Who, you know. Who's the victim here, you know?
A corrupt insurance company?
You know, that's a popular misconception.
Insurance is a heavily regulated industry.
In fact, the only consistent argument they have for increasing rates
is the amount of fraud they withstand.
At least that's what my Economics professor said.
You're taking an Economics class?
No, he's a client.
You can twist it anyway you want, but that doesn't change anything.
That man needs you.
You don't understand, Margaret.
Insurance is a heavily regulated industry.
In fact, you know, the only consistent argument...
Oh, give it up.
You've said that three times and it still doesn't make any sense.
- You have to help that man. - I have to?
Oh, you know, this is great.
The hooker says that I have to be honest.
The Bible-thumper says I should cheat.
I wish one woman in my life would behave the way I expect her to.
Oh, Dr. Becker, I forgot to tell you, I'm leaving early today.
I can't believe you're telling me to break the law.
Whatever happened to all that crap about "Thou shalt not steal"?
Well, I was thinking more in terms of benefiting the sick.
- What part of the Bible is that from? - Actually, it's the Hippocratic oath.
Oh, sure, throw that in my face, why don't you?
Is Greg here yet?
That freak still in the picture?
He's not a freak.
At least I don't think he is.
Oh, I don't know. One minute I think I could spend my life with Greg,
and the next minute I think he's just some weirdo who should get lost.
Hmm, you just described my marriage.
Excuse me. Is there a Dr. John Becker here?
No. Leave a message for him if you want.
Oh, well, will you tell him Clark Morgan from Evergreen Insurance stopped by
- with some news about his car? - Oh.
Yeah, in that case, I'm John Becker.
You are?
Oh, trust me. No one would be him if they didn't have to.
Never mind her. What's this about my car?
- The police found it. - Oh, good.
Unfortunately, it's a total loss.
Oh, damn it. Jeez.
I just need you to I.D. The vehicle before I can release the cheque.
You know, isn't this just the way? You pay your premiums for years...
- Cheque? Yeah.
Now prepare yourself. These photos are pretty disturbing.
You can see here the seats are ripped, the side's all dented in.
And the smell. L...
I don't even know how to describe it.
Was it like a cat?
No, no, no.
Forget her.
You're right. It's very, very disturbing.
You said something about a cheque.
Yes, unfortunately, we can only pay you $800.
Eight hundred bucks?
I feel so violated.
I just need you to sign this.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Yeah, yeah, thank you.
Oh, don't cluck at me.
Oh, you leave me no choice.
You're the one that's always saying
that insurance companies are just out to screw everyone.
You're just a hypocrite.
I am not. I'm a hypocrite with 800 bucks.
- Dr. Becker? - Yeah, hi.
Come on in. Uh, have a seat, Mr. Haller.
You know, uh, the last couple of days,
I've been thinking about your brother a lot.
As a matter of fact, I've thought about this pretty much
from every angle but I just, uh...
You're not gonna do it, are you?
You know, I gotta be honest with you.
If I could help somebody and screw an insurance company at the same time
that would make my day.
But, no, I'm sorry. I just can't.
Thanks.
For nothing.
Well, wait. Let me explain my reasons.
You know, I don't give a damn about your reasons.
What I do care about, though, is my brother.
You know, if you asked me to steal a half a million dollars, I'd say no.
Signing that form is the same thing.
- No one would ever have found out. - You know, I could lose my licence.
There are not a lot of doctors in this neighbourhood.
Whether I like it or not, a lot of people depend on me.
And I'm sorry, I know you're going through a tough situation.
But it'd be just the wrong thing to do.
Yeah, well, the right thing really doesn't help my brother, does it?
Well, you know, let me do some research.
Maybe I could find a federal programme...
A federal programme?
I don't have time for that.
My brother needs help now.
And if you won't give it to him,
then I'll just have to find a doctor who will.
Well, I hope you do.
I gather you didn't sign Mr. Haller's form.
No, and don't lecture me, Margaret.
No, I'm not gonna lecture you, John. I understand.
Maybe what you did was the right thing.
Then how come I feel like crap?
That's how you know.
Well, now that you've decided
that it's wrong to cheat an insurance company,
what are you gonna do with that cheque for your car?
Oh, come on, Margaret. His claim would've cost millions.
Mine's only 800 bucks.
No. No, no. I've made up my mind.
There's nothing you can say to keep me from taking that money.
How about this? I already sent it back.
You what?
John, insurance is a heavily regulated industry.
- The only consistent reason... - You know, get out of here.
Go on, get the hell out of here, will you?
Well, I got my car back, and, yeah, I could've kept the insurance cheque.
- But I just figured... Shh.
Reggie and Greg.
Greg? Oh, the nut.
Hey, he's the best thing to come into our lives in a long time.
All right.
Greg, this is all too fast for me. I need to think about this.
Hey, take all the time you want.
I just need to know by Saturday.
Saturday?
Why Saturday?
Well, I'm, uh, getting married.
- What? - Oh, don't get upset.
If you say yes, that wedding's off.
- What? - I mean, my fiancée's nice.
But when I met you, I realised I had a chance to trade up.
Trade up?
Are you kidding?
What if I had said yes?
You know, would you have dumped me
as soon as you met someone better?
Reggie, come on. It's Thursday.
What are the odds of meeting somebody better by Saturday?
You're insane.
Get out. Get the hell out.
- Please, wait till you see the dress. Get out.
Go ahead.
Let's get this over with.
Make your jokes.
- Anybody? You want that? - No.
I can't believe how close I came to being Mrs. Greg Jackson.
You're kidding, right?
Did you hear that, you guys?
That would've made her Reggie Jackson.