We gotta get you a timepiece, man.
I had to close the biker thing, okay?
I don't know, but you might wanna take your colors off now...
...since we're on a different case and all.
Here they are.
Try this out: nazdrovia.
"Nazdrovia"? What's that?
That's Russian for "bottoms up. "
- They're not gonna wanna do shots again. - They're Russians.
Hey, hey, hey! Howdy, boys.
Howdy. - What's up?
- You found the place all right. Yeah.
Remember my sister, Katiya? Ha, ha.
So who wants to kill some police?
I do.
Dimitri Federov, 34, former NKvD, Russian mob.
His sister, Katiya, 29, heavy in the Moscow black market.
Both emigrated to the U.S. In '98.
Found themselves a new business, arms dealing.
We have enough intel to pop them any day that ends in Y.
The guy we're after is their supplier, Nikolai.
He might be coming to the U.S.
This is his face.
The only person on the planet Earth he trusts is Federov.
According to Interpol...
...Nikolai is putting a new item on the market.
They don't know what it is...
...but four terrorist organizations have been on it.
So we get next to Federov and his sister, do a few deals, get them comfortable.
They introduce you to Nikolai. You introduce him to the Miranda warning.
NIKOLAl: Let's go play. Fun in the sun.
Let's do business.
So, what do you think?
I'm looking for something more specialized.
In what way?
Well, we heard you got a shipment coming in.
We want the best, Dimitri, not the rest.
So these guys say they're from Corona del Mar?
- Who the hell is this? - Then how come both their cars...
...have Hollywood registrations?
How come this one lives at the Chateau frigging Marmont...
...and rides with the Pagans and just generally isn't who he says he is?
Okay, Dimitri, who is this guy?
Oh, this one.
He's got eight changes of clothes in his trunk.
And they ain't "We be clubbing" duds.
Oh, and he's got a receipt from Sylvia's Soul Food...
...in Harlem, NYC.
- There are answers? - Yeah.
I went to New York.
When I was in New York, I ate.
You pay me because you don't know Americans, how they act, what they think.
And I use what I know about my fellow Americans to protect you.
Watch what it looks like when I do it. I'm doing it now.
Whoa, whoa. Dimitri, relax.
Watch what I do. Answers!
- Calm down. - It's us.
Dimitri, what are they gonna tell you?
"No, we're not hinky.
Here's our lame explanation, blah, blah, blah. "
You know what? You still won't believe them.
Then you're gonna lose your temper like you just did...
...only this time, you're gonna kill them.
Then we either got two dead cops or two dead thugs.
Either way, blowbacks, vendettas.
Who needs it?
I say we send them packing. Katiya?
Pack them, yes.
Of course, now...
...we don't want these shifties getting back to the city...
...before we wipe this place down.
I love working for you.
Well done.
Start walking. You can thank me in another life.
You got a name, slick?
Sure do. Bye-bye.
I'll flip you for who gets to throw him down the stairs.
Deal.
It's not gonna happen. He's undercover, ATF.
I quit.
Me too.
See you.
When I contacted ATF about their latest info on the Russians...
...out of nowhere, they tell me that Dallas is already on the job.
The guy's record is unbelievable.
He's their 24-karat undercover superstar.
His methods, they're always the same.
He goes in alone, stays as long as he has to and comes out with a made case.
Let me tell you something about Mr. ATF.
He enjoyed blowing our cover out there, okay?
He got off on it. The guy is not right.
I don't care if he's ATF, CIA or PTA.
The man needs medication.
Five months ago, he infiltrates Federov.
Two months ago, he sends a message:
No more contact. No more reports.
ATF is cutting him a lot of slack because of his record.
But two months, no word?
The whole case is sitting in his hands.
They don't know what to do.
- So I floated an idea. - Uh-oh, here it comes.
- You're not putting us next to him. - I'm putting you next to him.
I want you guys to tail him. See if he's dirty.
If he is, ATF will pull him out.
If he isn't, partner with him and split the bust.
Hey, I get it, okay?
This guy's the only way back in with the Russians.
Which is the only way to put the cuffs on Nikolai.
Write this down, put it in your pocket for a rainy day.
Later on I'm gonna look like a genius. I don't care how good Dallas is.
I don't want my life or Deaq's in his hands.
I also don't have a better idea, so...
No. I don't...
No. No.
You go and... Listen, you go and tell him.
This is not over.
I will get the money Bailey owes me.
Ten dollars says Dimitri's on something.
Bet.
Nikolai will be here soon.
Do you think we can tell Nikolai this money will be owed?
This money must be paid.
This money must be paid now.
Hey, hey, hey.
I'm good for it.
What do the words "We're in public" mean to you?
See, here in America, only movie stars snort in the street.
Go back inside and relax.
I'll go handle Bailey.
I'm not going back in that place. It's crap.
Nobody's in there.
Not true, Dimitri. I saw Stephen Dorff.
I saw him too.
Go back in. Tell him you loved him in those Tim Conway golf videos.
You go. Go on. Go on.
Okay, this is kind of interesting.
Sitting in a car, watching another guy sitting in a car...
...while that guy watches a house is your idea of interesting?
No, what's interesting is I just found out whose house that is.
Wisdom Bailey.
Didn't he just get out of jail?
- Yep. - Wasn't in long.
Six months for hanging a white rapper out a window...
...and shooting up six or seven brothers that tried to leave his label.
Man's debt is paid.
So, what, we think Bailey buys from the Russians?
Man, the only thing Wisdom likes more than hits is hits.
That was good. Did you just make that up?
- I mean, you feeling that? - Yeah, it was hot.
But I meant it, I'm serious.
- Just don't take it on the road. - All right.
Hey, Wisdom.
You in there?
Do we care what happens to this guy?
Not particularly.
Oh, he is.
How you guys doing?
Hey, Dimitri just wants what we're owed, Wisdom.
So, what's the matter, you too afraid to come out and face off?
Prison make you that big a bitch?
Watch this, this will get him out.
So, uh, hey, what kind of dressing did you take on your salad in there?
I bet it was a nice, creamy Italian.
Okay. That was his suicide note right there.
This guy's on his own.
Oh, ha, yeah. See, this one worked.
Here he comes, the man. Oh, he's out.
You want a war with the Russians?
You say the word, it starts right here.
Oh... Ahh.
Okay, that was just...
Just exactly what his lunatic ass deserved.
Although, damn.
I feel for any guy who's so committed to staying in character...
...that he has to let himself get loogied on.
No. A guy with style would have jockeyed that situation a lot better.
Would've never got beat down or loogied on in the first place.
What we doing next?
Well, he went through our stuff.
- Find anything? - No.
Red Wings fan.
About the only personal item on display too.
And it figures it'd be hockey. Hockey.
Food is 100 percent takeout, beverages all 80 proof.
Two sleeping pills a night...
...pounds back enough aspirin to eat through marble...
...and has the ulcer to prove it.
- You're not gonna make me like him. - I just feel bad for him, man.
I mean, this guy, this is really sad.
Seriously, cut it out.
I'm not saying nice guy, good guy or sane guy.
I'm saying, take a look around, man. The vibe, it's just sad.
- This ain't no sadder than my place. - You wanna pretend that's not disturbing?
Okay, my crib's, what, a little bigger. You got room service.
Come on, baby. Yeah, I ain't drinking myself to sleep.
It's called what we do. And it's called the way we gotta live it.
But you know what? It don't make you have to go to Bellevue, right?
Oh!
There we go.
God, you're beautiful.
What?
- Are you sure you're all right? - Oh, baby, I'm fine.
Come here.
I don't wanna think about anyone hurting you.
Okay, then...
- You shouldn't have had to go over there. - Yeah.
We're hundreds of thousands in debt.
And Nikolai will be here soon to collect.
Tell me we're gonna get out of this...
...that we'll be together.
Hey, we're gonna be together.
I promised you, didn't I?
But you know what? Right this second...
...I'm gonna need your ankle.
Now I'm gonna need the other ankle.
Pull your pants off.
Okay.
Come here.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, give me a break.
- Okay, man. - We know you're ATF.
And you're L.A.P.D., so?
Kids, I'd know that police academy shooting stance anywhere. Please.
- Okay, so put your gun down, okay? - You put my gun down.
- Put your gun down. - Put my gun down.
- Put your gun down, man. - Put your gun down.
- Put my gun down. - Just put it down.
- We've just gotta talk to you, okay? Put the gun down, man.
Put your gun down, Dallas.
Go.
Caller? Are you a CPA? No.
Okay, well, then how can you support this...
...just throwing these numbers out?
Whoa, Dallas Roberts, Capricorn.
Baby, I can do it again this soon, I swear.
You don't have to shoot me.
If you made us in the desert, why'd you blow our cover?
Hey, rook, if I had blown your cover, you'd be dead.
You're a couple of newbie hotshots stepping into my action.
I just showed you a safe exit.
You calling us rooks? I'll show you an exit.
Easy. Listen, your action's not exactly by any book we ever read, okay, hotshot?
What, because of Katiya?
You guys never had to hit it with a mark to keep her sweet?
You haven't checked in with your handlers in how long?
You know what? My job is to make cases, not keep a bunch of desk chimps happy.
We're just trying to see what you're all about, because you know what?
- We're gonna all be working together. - Really?
Please believe it.
Five months working 24/7...
...for a coked-out Russki movie-freak headcase...
...who would chuck his sister to meet Mickey Rourke.
I keep him from spinning out.
I pleasure his sister, collect his money, cover his ass. I get beat up, spit on...
...all so I'm set up to wait for Nikolai.
That's how much I want this son of a bitch.
And I have a badge.
So, what do you guys bring to the party that I don't?
We'll be buying every weapon we saw in the desert.
This is 10 times my yearly expense account.
Who are you guys?
We're the new best customers the Russians always dreamed of.
Trade is, you fix it with them.
Tell them you were wrong about us, we're Hollywood royalty, anything.
Just put our cash in their hands and get us next to Nikolai.
- Is that it? - We're having a party Saturday night.
Bel-Air, booze, celebrities. Bring the Russians.
- Anything else? - I don't like you or trust you.
Love to pull the plug on you. Don't hand us a reason.
You don't like me?
Stop. I'm gonna cry.
This guy's a wack job.
"I'm not wasting my time...
...arguing with a man who's lining up to be hot lunch. "
- Jaws. - That's good.
All right, okay, what about this? Ahem. Here you go, here you go.
"We deal in lead, my friend. "
Steve McQueen, Magnificent Seven.
That's right.
Okay. All right, it's your turn, man.
You've gotta hit us with one, and none of your baby stuff.
Okay, I have one.
"What are we dealing with here...
...is a complete lack of respect for the law. "
Smokey and the Bandit.
- You've gotta hit us with harder ones. - Everybody know that.
All right. Dallas, Dallas, I want to toast.
Van, to Deaq...
...to many future dealings...
...to this great, great night here in Hollywood!
To Hollywood!
Oh, yeah, it would be great. It really would be great...
...if these guys weren't cops.
You know, I'm getting really sick of this.
Come on, man, ha, ha.
Any cops got access to a crib like this?
Let's be serious, Dimitri.
We're living large, baby. Ain't no cops in this house.
Look, I don't know who this sideshow clown is.
But we've been very generous and patient...
...and forgiving.
Ha! I'm kidding.
Dimitri, got you. It was a joke.
You like acting. I was acting.
Come on, how was I?
Come on. You're the film buff, Dimitri. Was I convincing? Did I fool you?
Freeze! Hands in the air!
You have the right to remain silent!
Hey, hey.
Hey! L.A.P. D!
- Everybody get down! Yeah!
He's funny. You gotta keep him around.
You really should keep him around.
He's could use that on Comedy Central. You are a funny man indeed.
- What's that from? Hey, everybody.
DJ, put on some hot Jay-Z and let's rock and roll.
What is your malfunction, man? What's up?
You guys show up...
...say you're gonna rat me out to the black hats and white hats.
You pointed a gun at me.
I just want you to know that every minute of every day...
...I got a gun pointed at you too.
Plus it was kind of hysterical.
Because I think one of you guys crapped your pants.
You need help, man. Serious help.
No, see, that's the point. I don't.
I was doing fine here by myself.
Well, now you've got partners, partner.
Let me give you guys a heads-up.
All partners turn into bad partners or dead partners.
You gotta go this game alone.
What about Katiya?
Yeah, your little sweet Russian girlfriend.
What about her?
Just playing her, right?
Nothing real there? Just playing that alone?
You're good, man.
You're good.
I guess I must be slipping.
- And Federov don't know? - No.
He's all ego and "Me, me, me," you know?
And she's scared of him. She always has been.
And I know she's the mark, but she needs me.
And she's the only real thing in my life.
I know it's messed up, man, but I swear to God...
...I wanna marry her.
Congratulations. Till you gotta bust her and everything.
Yeah. Let us know what penitentiary is gonna host the reception.
We'll be there.
Come on. Katiya?
Give me some credit.
That gold-digging, beach-smelling slut.
Please, okay?
Just please.
You know what?
Go. Okay, just go.
Now.
Oh, you guys are gullible, huh?
You know, you should work on that.
Together, as partners.
What you doing here?
Couldn't sleep. I was gonna field test some of these boards.
At 4 a. M?
No traffic, got the streets to myself, bite me. What are you doing here?
I come here all the time late night.
I guess our paths never crossed, huh?
- Can I see that? - Yep.
That's a nice picture of your family.
Yeah. It was the last time we were all together.
You should get a frame for it, put it on your mantle.
I could just keep it safe and private in my bag like I've been doing.
Sorry. You should put your picture where you want.
No, man, I'm sorry, all right?
Maybe I should put something personal in my place...
...so I can stop thinking I'm at Dallas' house.
Come on, man, that's just crazy talk.
If I knew how he got to the way he is, I could take the opposite road.
But I don't.
I don't know anything except...
...being around him, man, it freaks me out.
Well, he does have that...
...kind of ghost-of-Christmas-future thing going on.
- I've never seen you here this late. - Never seen you here this early.
How's it going with Dallas?
Well, he's not crazy. Wait, he is.
But he's good on the job. Except not.
And he's hooked on the sister. But wait.
It's not a joke, Van.
All right? There's nothing about Dallas that's funny.
I mean, look at us. How come we're all here at 4 a. M...
...and not out with friends we don't have or at home with families we don't see?
I don't think this guy is funny either, okay?
I think maybe what the man needs, though, is just a serious reality bitch slap.
Or maybe it's been a while since Dallas has had anyone to keep him grounded.
Or maybe he needs somebody to remind him of who he really is.
Either way, I think what the man needs is a little slack.
From three people who realize what he's going through.
Who wants cereal?
You got Lucky Charms?
I like Cocoa Puffs.
You're worthless! Worthless!
I know we did not expect him so soon.
But he's coming!
- Let's all have a drink. - Shut up!
Maybe I have you tell Nikolai the money's gone, huh?
The books don't balance.
They would balance with the money Wisdom Bailey owes.
But we don't have it.
You wanna take on Wisdom Bailey?
It's a full-on street war.
I mean, hey, there's millions against the three of us.
Because, you know, everything we built got snorted off a hooker's ass.
I want to have parties all the time, huh? That's what you think, huh?
Why did Nikolai hire me, then, if I'm so degenerate, hmm?
Because I know what people will do.
Like you and my sister.
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
- Stop it! - Shut up!
Don't be worried.
If I was angry, I would have killed you then.
You go now, to Wisdom Bailey...
...and you collect.
In fact, he has owed money so long...
...price now is twice as much.
Bring me 800,000...
...or don't come back.
If I can't get the money from Bailey today, I'm out or I'm dead.
If the guy vouching for you gets killed for incompetence...
...good luck getting next to Nikolai.
Damn, you make us sound so cold.
Just open up that super-cop trunk of yours...
...and give me some cash I can say I got from Bailey.
- How much do you need? - It's 800 grand.
- Eight hundred thousand, that's it? - Hey, we don't make the stuff.
Look, we already fronted you for the stingers, remember?
I mean, we're saving the rest for Nikolai.
Then help me get it from Wisdom.
I can't do that on my own.
Come on, you shove all this intel, access and money in my face.
What can you actually do with it?
40 Brookside Road, authorization code 8832.
I'm not gonna ask you again. Shut it down now.
Your power out too, huh?
Yeah, man, two hours now. You here to fix it?
Where's the money, Wiz?
You want money?
Why don't you check up some Russian's ass?
Or maybe his nose. Could be up there too.
But I'd check that ass first.
Keep me posted.
Where's the money, man?
Fools think I'm gonna give you money? Think you can come and play me?
Do you know who I am? I'm Wisdom, fool.
I built this. I'm the man up in here, man.
You think I'm gonna give you three jokers my money, man?
I'm not trying to hear that noise, man, and if you don't like it, man, kiss my ass.
It looks like you're leaving.
Yo, man.
Yo! Didn't you forget something?
Thank you. You know, I love this hat.
Here.
It's not kissing, it's resuscitation.
I don't care what you say. I'm not doing it.
Fine.
Aw, hell, no!
Aw.
I'm the nice one, all right?
Remember me?
The guy who just rescued your ass.
I did you solid.
Now tell me where the money is. Help me out, please.
Step off, yellow cake!
"Step off, yellow cake. " This guy.
Hey, hey, hey!
Where is it?
It's in the mahogany chest in the dining room.
Nine hundred and 15 thou.
Full on out of the red and into the black, boys.
Would you have let that guy drown?
I was a lifeguard. I know how long someone can go without air.
But I kind of lost track.
Anyway, it's no longer an issue, so...
It's an issue for us.
If you're gonna flat out smoke somebody for cash...
I would not have let the guy die, okay?
Now back up out of my grill so I can figure out how to say thanks...
...for saving my ass.
For real, thank you. I owe you.
And I won't forget it.
Don't get soft on me. I saw the look you gave him.
- Trust me, I'm not. - That's your soft voice.
You ain't never heard my soft voice. What are you talking about?
I have news.
Nikolai's in the U.S.
Federov told you?
Picking him up. He's coming into LAX next week.
Any word on what he's bringing?
Word is, carry cash and you won't be disappointed.
Next week is plenty of time...
...to set up the SWAT welcome wagon for Nikolai.
Well, I guess we're headed for the finish line now, fellows.
Let's celebrate.
- Nazdrovia. - Nazdrovia.
So I guess you're gonna be real sorry, then, huh...
...when all this finally wraps up.
You guys have any idea how young you are...
...and how old you're gonna feel someday?
Because let me tell you, there's gonna come a time...
...when you're off for a while, living your real, actual life...
...and just jonesing to go back under.
To forget about who you really are, all the things you've done...
...all the people you've done them to.
See that girl?
I dropped out for her.
Lost myself in her.
Now I get to send her to jail.
I mean...
...look at her, man.
Just look at her.
Okay, you messing with us again?
Shut it down.
He's not.
What's the deal with you, man?
I love her.
For real.
What is it with you white boys?
Can't trust you five minutes around a mark in a dress.
It's a problem. It seems like a problem.
You can trust me.
Because I know what I gotta do.
Come on. Come on. You too.
Hold on. Hey, hey, hey.
Van, Deaq, Dallas.
This is Nikolai.
Nikolai. He's early, right?
This is a surprise, man.
But a good one, huh? Let's go.
We're just... We're not exactly ready.
We thought this was gonna be next week, right?
Wrong.
I told Nikolai you keep money in trunk of the car.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
There's only so much in it at one time, though, gentlemen. It ain't magic.
That's why we liked next week, so we could get you more cash.
Use what you have to buy what you can, yes?
Rest is later.
I have told Nikolai only good things about you.
Legs apart, please.
You ride with me and Nikolai.
Dallas will take Van and Katiya in Van's car.
- Where are we going? - Surprise.
Surprise.
Son of a...
I need seven guys and two cars by the time I hang up.
Where's she going? What?
No, you didn't. You told her.
I want her safe.
She knows everything?
Everything about me.
She's gonna tell him.
She's gonna call him right now.
Only one way to find out.
Okay, we've got an address coming now.
What?
Sorry. One sec.
Katiya?
Dallas told Katiya everything.
- What? - Yeah.
What's wrong?
Katiya.
She's upset. She said, you know, the buyer called.
Something wrong with the shipment.
Everything's okay, gentlemen.
Open it.
Huh?
I already get free nights and weekends, man.
Whoa!
My apologies.
Nitroglycerin-tipped.
Takes. 38 or. 357 caliber.
Can go through metal detectors, pass body search...
...will get on airplane, into embassy...
...even Central Intelligence Agency.
Hands in the air, everybody! Now! Now!
Hey, hey, hey! Come on, come on.
Dallas, this is no time for jokes.
Drop the weapon!
I'm ATF. Hands in the air, you're under arrest.
- Let me go for Nikolai. - Okay.
- Cover me. - I got you.
Go!
Just hold on. You're gonna be all right, man.
You're gonna be all right.
This is not funny, man.
This is not funny, man!
It's just the story of my life.
That I can't...
Come on. Come on.
It's gonna be all right, all right? Just hold...
- Come on. I...
Where's it going?
Well, no family, no friends.
ATF's gonna put it in storage.
Everything in one box.
One box is beyond sad.
One box is, like, epic.
Look at this, a pack of cards, couple pairs of kicks, toothbrush.
If no one minds...
...I'll be taking this. - What, you like hockey now?
I'm gonna give old Scotty here a home, put him on top of the TV.
Oh, hell, no.
Man, if I see another shot of vodka, it will be 2 million years too soon.
Come on, one shot. You too, sir.
What, are we toasting or are we just getting lit on the job?
Remember how I said I'd look like a genius later?
That it didn't matter how good Dallas was...
...I didn't want my life in his hands?
Here's to being wrong.