Sync By YesCool WwW.Addic7ed.com
A whole new school year.
I've got a great new girlfriend,
So no more pining, no more obsessing over Miracle.
Aah! Aah!
Sorry.
What a wonderful summer.
The cemetery took me off their watch list,
They found a pearl in my gallbladder, And my hair grew back.
Well, in a way.
Things are gonna be different this year.
I'm finally gonna get some r-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Excuse me.
I'm not done yet.
Ok, Susanna Louise Sezno, It's a whole new year.
I'm not gonna let those fools get to me,
Especially the biggest fool of all, stu--aah!
Hey, Sue!
This year, I'm really gonna impress Sue.
Wait, Sue. I have something for you.
Thank you.
Who are we keeping out?
You.
Aah! How'd you get in here?
This is not a bugs bunny cartoon.
Out!
How many times do I have to tell you?
This tune is not looney.
And I better not be hearing any of those Tex Avery sounds.
Bbbbblllll!
I rigged up a wireless p.A. Mike
So you can make announcements from anywhere.
So what do you think, huh?
Impressed?
Go away, you creepy [bleep]
Re--[bleep] son of a [bleep]!
Wow, what clarity.
And the audio, it works like a charm.
R-e-s-p-e-c-t
Ahh! Respect.
"Willard is small and weak."
Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do.
It says so right here.
Tropical storm Willard?
Oh, it's just a storm.
Still, it's pretty tough on a guy's ego.
Ho! Look at this one.
"Willard merely an unpleasant annoyance."
"Willard throws wet blanket over Florida."
"Willard no es muy macho."
"ink wasted on Willard headline."
Oh, this is interesting.
"Willard may in fact be the all-time best..."
"turn to page 14." ok.
Flip. Flip, flip, flip.
"...Example of a disappointing failure."
Guys, come on, let's give it a rest.
Besides, I am dating a weather girl,
And she says with any luck, Willard will collapse
And sputter out by tomorrow.
Yay! Yay! Yay!
Oh, it sure is fun to laugh at heavy wind.
Hey, where'd my old friend deutschebog go?
Nothing but a pathetic drizzle, Just like me.
Oh, stupid storm, Don't wussy out just because you're a Willard.
I would give anything for the name Willard to be respected and feared.
O hear my prayer, mighty God,
Or Jesus or-- or whoever handles this.
Thor, maybe? I can't afford to be too picky.
Yes! They all laughed at me.
Now there'll be hell toupee!
Addic7ed.com
Standing on the sea wall of knob haven harbor,
Where storm surges are already reaching 20 feet
A number of bystanders have already been swept away.
Florida marlins number one--
Well, number 18, really. Who cares?
I'm drowning--
Ha ha! Swept away by marlins enthusiasm.
Most likely to his death.
And I'm being told that tropical storm Willard,
Previously thought to be fading away
At a frankly embarrassing rate,
Has been upgraded to a full-fledged hurricane.
Oh, yes.
This is what it feels like to be upgraded.
Up yours, hertz.
The governor has ordered a complete evacuation
Of the tri-gator area,
From gator land to gator world to temple Beth gator.
Those too infirm or crotchety should seek shelter
At knob haven high,
Where, on a personal note, my new boyfriend teaches.
Hi, Larry!
The death toll has risen to 14.
That's me! I'm the Larry.
Isn't she perfect?
Nice. And she's got awesome breasts.
I'm going to say thanks even thought that's a little inappropriate.
No, no, no. I recognize the craftsmanship.
Awesome surgical associates.
Those are the new sweater-busters
From the 2009 lady bazonga collection.
No doubt about it.
I guess this means you've forgotten all about Miracle.
Miracle who?
Miracle. Right here. The science teacher
You've been after for about a billion years.
You know her.
Everyone, report to the auditorium immediately!
This is not a drill!
Unlike the last drill When I said it wasn't a drill but it was.
This is a genuine emergency.
Unlike the last genuine emergency
Which turned out to be a family of adorable squirrels
Stuck in the air ducts.
Andrew, showboat was last year.
Why is the boat still here?
Well, the prop was so expensive,
We have to use it for all of this year's productions.
So get ready for much ado about boating,
Boatlahoma!, and a streetcar named boat.
Ok, people, hurricane Willard is headed for knob haven,
But there's no cause for alarm.
As an official shelter, We've recently had the school installed
With 98 new storm-proof windows that--
Sue, slight clarification on that.
I thought you meant install windows 98
On the school's computers.
Why on earth would I say protect the school from natural disasters
With an out-of-date computer program?!
I don't know. You were drunk?
Even with 98 regular windows, you can rest assured
That you will be safe as long as Sue Sezno
Is in charge and conscious.
There goes Jesus Christ superboat.
It's ok. Don't panic.
Guys, help me get Sue backstage.
Miracle, keep everybody calm.
Stay calm, everyone!
Storms can smell your fear.
It's ok. We can handle this.
Now, step one, we bury Sue.
Helen, you're not making any sense.
First we need to go through her pockets.
We know. She is not dead.
People, we have officially reverted to a state of nature.
That means the Alpha male takes command.
Now, I've already taken the liberty
Of urinating around the perimeter of the school.
Uh, excuse me.
Actually, I should point out
That I've been the school's designated civil defense administrator
Since 1961, which give me emergency powers
In the event of natural disasters And nuclear war
Or attack of a 50-foot or larger woman.
So I think I'm in charge.
I'm sorry, is that a challenge?
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm just telling you the municipal code.
Ooohh! Ooohh! Ooohh!
I only observe the municipal code Of the jungle!
Dut-dut-dut-dut!
Ooh!
Willard's the Alpha male now!
Shebang! How's it feel?
Just being called a male is an honor.
Ok, so Willard's in charge According to the municipal code,
The law of the jungle?
I mean, did the law of common sense
Go out the window with the history teacher?
Good riddance to both, I say.
Yes! I'm finally free!
So long, knob haven!
So, what is our next move, leader?
Oh! Oh! Oh, wow,
I'm paralyzed either by indecision or a small stroke.
No, I've got it.
Let's move these bodies to the incinerator.
No! We may have to eat them later.
Oh, now I'm hungry!
Willard, they're not dead.
Shouldn't we at least be setting up the gym as a shelter?
Oh, the red cross.
They have coffee and doughnuts, right?
Is this heaven?
Oh, this is where we saw fiddler on the boat,
So yes.
Ok, now, we've got a lot of teens
And a lot of senior citizens here,
So there's going to be some drug confusion.
Grandma with the glow sticks,
I can already see you've made a mistake.
Larry, there you are. I need your help.
We need to rescue all the animals
From the knob haven animal park.
Miracle, we need to worry about the people, here,
In this gym, and don't bother making your eyes all big
And trying to charm me into doing it.
Oh, please? Puddy pwease,
We need to save the cute wittle animals.
I've got a girlfriend now.
But they might dwown,
And their bwoated corpses will fill the stweets.
Well, I guess if we built a wittle waft, huh?
No. Hey, sorry. Miracle, no.
You are on your own. Good wuck--luck.
What am I doing?
Ok, Willard, don't panic
And crumble apart like a delicious brownie sundae
With pecans and chocolate sauce, maybe some--
Will you stop thinking about food.
This is no time for wasteful salivating.
Willard, get a grip.
Allow me to serve you, O great one.
So soft.
Stop that. It tickles.
My shoes are very thin.
You defeated me.
You're in charge now.
It's like in that book when Jesus beat up Moses
And took over religion.
So what do I do?
Anything you want.
This is your chair now.
This is your desk.
Your crown.
Your tub of frosting.
Ooh, I never knew that being seduced by power
Could be so creamy.
Does power come with a sprinkle packet?
It does, my liege.
What-- What's going on here?
Let's see, the hurricane hit,
A boat knocked you out, I dragged you here,
I gave you a sponge bath, Then I gave me a sponge bath,
Then I gave the sponge a bath
'cause it was pretty dirty by then, And here we are.
Just let me free so I can kill you.
Not before I impress you, Sue.
I've got just the thing.
One of Stuart's famous foot rubs.
Please don't touch my feet!
I wasn't planning on it.
You know, I always heard people say
That with great power comes great responsibility.
I'm so relieved to learn that's not true.
Well, if there's on thing I've learned as a teacher,
It's that most things aren't true.
I can't believe it! What is this?
Gimme back my blanket!
No! You're just gonna use it to canoodle, like those two.
All right, you two.
Hey, what are you doing?
I thought you were gonna keep some order around here.
But it's teenagers and old people,
The two most whiny groups known to mankind.
Give me back my iPod.
Huh! Why would you even want to listen to the Jonas brothers?
Sal, Leonard, Seymour, the biggest schmucks ever to run the deli.
Now, the naked brothers deli, that was nice.
Sure, there was a question of sanitariness... Aah. Aah!
We tried everything to stop the fighting.
And what did you try?
Nothing. Uh...Nothing.
Behold!
Your magnificent leader is amongst you.
If you're kneeling, rise.
If you're risen, kneel.
He has words of comfort.
Listen!
I--I have a cape.
Yes, Willard, lovely cape, but-- Ennis made it out of curtains.
Can you stop twirling?
The situation has gotten out of hand.
You need to do something.
You're right. Why don't you all form a committee
And have your recommendations On my desk by the end of the week.
We're in the middle of a hurricane.
We don't have a week.
You will make a week for the leader.
Have your recommendations by Willardsday, formerly Wednesday.
Willard, you need to take charge.
Get these people working together On something constructive,
Like boarding up the windows.
I mean, if the water level rises,
The whole school could end up flooding.
Larry's right. A project is just what we need.
A project to glorify our leader.
That's an interesting proposal,
But it does raise a question, doesn't it?
Have you two lost your [bleep] minds?!
He's a threat.
You need to deal with him.
Ennis, I can hear you.
Oh, yeah?
If you can hear me, What was the name of my childhood pet?
Aha! How should I know?
What do you mean, aha?
That doesn't prove anything.
No, I named my cat aha, after the band.
Now give the leader some respect.
Respect isn't something that is given,
It is something that has to be earned.
As a teacher, I know that's not true.
Willard, I know you've gone mad with power in the last 3 hours,
But deep down, I know you still want to do the right thing.
You're right.
I'm gonna do what I should have done in the first place.
Hey, ennis, you can't banish me!
I'm in the union!
Actually, I'm your union rep, too.
Um, file a grievance and have it on my desk by next Willardsday.
Hey--unh--ah--
Willard, grab the thing that looks like a mint candy.
How did you get this boat?
When you couldn't help me, I had to help myself,
By getting Andrew to help me.
He's bisexual, so I only had to seduce the top half of him.
So will you help me rescue the animals now?
Well, you just saved my life,
So I'd be a pretty big jerk if I didn't.
But don't think I'm doing this because I'm tempted by you,
Because I've got a girlfriend.
I wouldn't dream of tempting you, Larry.
Now let's get going.
Because it's raining so hard, my white shirt is getting wet
And I think my bra just dissolved.
We did it!
Larry, this is just like the bible.
We're in the middle or a raging storm
With two of every animal on a half-scale Mississippi riverboat.
Yeah, we're all set in case we have to mate and repopulate the earth.
I mean mate with the animals.
I mean, we would not mate with the animals.
We would mate with each other.
Which we're not going to do because we're just friends.
Like that one giraffe over there's giving that other giraffe
A piggyback ride.
Oh, no, they are more than friends.
Let's get back to the school, me, you, and the animals.
And merch.
Mmm...
A phone call for you, milord.
Just a minute.
I'm almost done with my enemies list.
Do you think Larry should go above or below
The time to make the doughnuts guy.
Huh. Put him between bladder disease
And the candy machine that took your dollar.
Hello?
Sir, this is FEMA.
The Swedish pop group?
No, the government agency.
The flooding in your area is becoming severe.
We're sending help to evacuate the school,
And we promise that very soon
Life will go back to the way things were.
The way things were, the way things were,
The way things were, the way things were...
No, I won't go back to normal.
Everything's under control here.
We don't need your help.
Good day.
I don't care if everyone dies.
I will never relinquish power.
You got a beef with herbie hancock?
Great leader, gaze upon this monument to your glory.
As we had no bronze, We worked in glorious papier-mache.
Damn it. Ennis, you know how I hate
The time to make the doughnuts guy.
O great glorious leader, It's you!
Ennis, this is amazing.
It truly is great to be the leader.
Ha ha. Oh, here comes the waterworks.
Oh, we're all gonna die and it's all my fault, isn't it?
Roar! Marry me, Sue, Or I will destroy the magic forest.
Somebody save me from this big dummy!
Oh, who will save fair princess Sue?
It will have to be someone very impressive.
I will save you, princess Sue.
So, are you impressed?
Hell, no!
I guess we'll be here a lot longer than I thought.
I'm a terrible leader.
Because of my dithering and foofuring, We're all gonna die.
And the worst part is, I caused this hurricane
By wishing for it.
You're more powerful than I even imagined.
Attaching one's karmic ego to a hurricane
Is not a cure for low self-esteem.
Hey, man, I never said it was, ok?
Look, you need to relax.
Let me put on the tv and we can watch
A little Anderson Cooper and chill.
Hurricane Willard has done its worst.
But thanks to the intricate series of levees
Designed to funnel all the water
Into the inferior town of knob haven,
The surrounding superior towns of chablis heights
And capital gainsville are safe.
This is one time I'm glad this town is dry.
Har. Har. Har.
The levees are holding the water in.
And I will not stand for this.
And yet you are standing. Is this a parable?
No. I am tired of being a coward.
I know my destiny now.
I, Willard, must save the Willard of Florida
From the ravages of hurricane Willard By acting in a way
That is very much unlike Willard.
The only way to save knob haven
Is for me to destroy the levees.
But you can't leave me alone.
Who will take care of me?
I need you!
Ok, he's gone.
So, I'm the Alpha male now.
I'm gonna go to the gym and troll for grannies.
No, it's ok now, friends.
You're gonna be safe here.
Now go, into the gym.
I'll give you a moment.
Hey, stormy, you're gonna be proud of me.
I just saved dozens of defenseless animals.
Here's some more good news.
The death toll is up to 27.
I'm sorry, it sounded like you said it was good news.
Well, it is for my career.
Fox news just called. I could go national!
Yeah, I see your point, but what about all the dead people?
Larry, honey, you're breaking up.
Well, I am thinking about it.
I'm so proud of us, Larry.
We saved the animals from certain death.
And I set a good example for merch.
Isn't that right, my little monkey?
Aah! Oh, my God! A little monkey!
Who are you? Well, where's baby?
To the levees!
Hold on. Free basket.
Oh! I could fit a week's worth of bologna in here.
Or use it as a hat, or a 70-bologna hat.
Wait! What's that?
Miracle's baby!
Come on. Come here.
Come. Come, Miracle's baby.
Come on. Listen to me.
Hear my voice already.
I can't do everything for you, my child.
You have to at least try.
You've got to get off your butt, reach up, And save yourself.
God's right. Every man for himself!
Women and bisexuals first.
I'll be right here for you. You won't drown.
Shiva's right. We can do this.
Think you could use those unusually dexterous feet of yours
And untie me?
Mm-hmm.
Wow!
I'm impressed.
Now swim us to freedom.
Ow!
And watch the Tex Avery stuff.
It's ok.
When you reach out, I'll be here to hold you.
Oh, you're lucky, because every day
You have something wonderful to cling to.
Because miracles are real.
Merch is gonna be ok.
I know it.
I'm definitely breaking up with my girlfriend.
There it is!
Got to do it, baby. It's now or never.
Got to go all the way!
You heard the lord.
He wants us to get it on.
Sync By YesCool WwW.Addic7ed.com
It didn't work.
I--I don't know why
They would design the hair as a separate piece.
What? It worked! I did it!
I saved knob haven.
I finally have respect.
I am one bad-ass mother--
Amen!