Can I get a little help down here, Hallie?
HALLIE: No!
Thanks, angel.
(sighs)
(screams)
(gasps) Hi, honey.
Hey, did my boss call?
No.
Mom, when you get promoted, can we get a pony?
Honey, I don't have the job yet.
I'm not even sure I want it.
Although it would be tempting to upgrade
from the polyester vest to a couture smock.
Uh-oh. What?
Don't look. Look. Uh-oh.
(cell phone ringing)
Oh, shh.
Honey, this could be my boss, so...
Clemens' residence.
Oh, it's not. As you were.
Yeah, hi. Yeah, thanks for calling back. It's Rita.
Yeah, Shannon's mom.
Yeah, the blond with the dented Durango.
Yes.
Um, I was hoping you could remind me
what I agreed to bring to Danielle's birthday party.
The cake?
Really, I agreed to that?
Okay, how many kids are-- 40?
There's 40 children.
Okay, that sounds great.
Well, then I will see you Sunday at 4:00.
Saturday at 2:00.
No problem.
Huge problem.
All right, spin class.
Let's move that to the 12th of never.
Hai!
(grunting) Ow!
Honey, when you're doing your kumike kicks,
you have to fo...
Hold on, another call.
Yeah.
Who?
Never heard of her.
Kev, wrong number.
Some loser looking for a Rita.
Anyway, you get your ride pimped yet?
Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip.
Oh, hold on, brah.
What ups?
Uh, that call was for me.
Nuh-uh.
They wanted some chick named Rita.
Wh... uh, what do you think my name is?
I don't know.
Mrs. Clemens.
Hallie's mom.
Never thought about it.
Never thought about... Okay, you've been dating
my daughter for over a year,
and you use my house as your personal 7-Eleven,
and you never knew I had a first name?
Weird, huh?
(chuckles)
Anyway, you putting
amps in the backseat, brah?
Hey, hottie.
I'll show you hot. Oh, all right.
RITA: Will you?
Will you show him hot? That what you're gonna do?
Show him hot right now? Come here, come here...
Off, off, off, off.
Listen, listen.
I know that he doesn't exactly like his parents,
but isn't there someone else he could hang out with?
Like, I don't know, like a church group or...
a gang.
Hallie, I'm talking to you.
I'm listening.
No, you're not, you're texting.
Don't.
Why is there a naked picture of you on your phone?
Don't have a heart attack.
I'm wearing underwear.
And it's Kip's phone anyway.
What?! What are you doing
taking a picture like that?
It's not like it's gonna get out.
And aren't you the one that told me
that I should be proud of my body?
That my vagina was a unique and delicate flower?
Mom, she said "vagina."
Dude, it's like The View over here.
Honey, Shannon, why don't you go upstairs and practice
your choke holds on your dollies?
Yay!
Hallie, I am so angry with you right now.
What in God's name were you thinking?!
Okay, the way I see it,
my body is at its physical peak.
Right?
But one day, I'm just going to get all...
Okay, okay, okay. You're grounded.
Three weeks for the picture, and one week for the...
(muttering)
Go to your room.
No.
What are you doing? Texting your father.
Okay, okay, okay. I get it.
If I knew how to text.
(cell phone ringing)
Clemens' residence.
Yes. Hello, Mr. Abir.
Oh, you did enjoy my tri-fold towel display?
Well, just a little something I came up with.
Oh, I didn't? Oh.
Oh, no, no. Marlene totally deserves the promotion.
Hey, baby!
Okay, yeah. I'll see you at staff roundup.
How was your day?
Not so good, actually. My day's been...
Listen. I want to hear all about it,
but I got two minutes till Fantasy Football,
and something major came up.
I got a trade in the works where I can get Tom Brady!
Gosh. Yay for your fake thing.
Ooh!
Captioning sponsored by RITA ROCKS PRODUCTIONS, LLC
Reet?
RITA: I still have an amazing butt, don't I?
Huh?
And my breasts-- I mean, no, they're not as perky,
but they got personality still.
You feeling sick or something?
Or something.
You want me to get you an aspirin?
I don't know who I am anymore.
Okay, I think I'm going to need the aspirin.
No, seriously.
Am I Mrs. Jay Clemens? Shannon's mommy?
Hallie's parole officer?
Oh, is this is about Hal?
Honey, I think you did the right thing.
No phone, no computer, and especially no Kip.
And let me tell you something. If I saw his phone...
No. This is not about Hallie.
This is about me,
the infamous tri-fold towel lady
at Bed & Bath Max
who still wasn't good enough to beat Marlene.
I mean, how many folds is it going to take?
Okay. All right.
So that's why we're in the closet at 3:00 in the morning?
I thought you weren't upset about that.
I thought I wasn't, but I guess I am.
And I'm upset that I'm upset!
When did it all change, you know?
I used to have such dreams, Jay.
I thought I could do anything, you know?
What happened to this girl?
The one in the Bangles tribute band?
Yes! Yes! The one that could
just let it all go and sing her heart out.
I mean, look at me. Look at my eyes.
I had such a sparkle back then.
You were stoned out of your mind.
Oh.
All right. You now what, honey?
I'm putting this stuff away.
'Cause the past always looks better than it actually was.
I mean, the Bangles?
With the... Really?
We are not having the Otis Redding-is-the-God-
of-all-singers conversation right now.
Fine. We're not.
Let me tell you a little something about Otis Redding.
Oh...
Okay.
Whoa, oh.
Oh, that's not good.
Help!
Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
That's how I got transferred into this neighborhood.
They said, "Patty, you get too involved
with people on your route."
I said, "Oh, that is a bunch of bull!"
Please. Please.
I'm going to fall. Please hurry.
I'm going to lose my pension.
Thank you. Just... the ladder.
Oh, better. Sorry, I was just
looking at pictures last night.
I used to... used to play guitar.
(laughs)
You? You do not look like the type.
I'm sorry. I mean, you don't even know me, so...
Uh-huh. You read Woman's Day,
belong to Cupcake of the Month club, and please do not
get me started on those nasty clog slippers
you ordered from "Bland's" End. Oh!
All right, I'm going to climb up the ladder again.
This time, just kick it out from underneath me. No, no, no...
Don't get all unglued, Mrs. R. Clemens.
It's Rita. R-I-T-A.
Why can no one remember that?!
Oh! Now, see, that's the same look the Clarks' pit bull had
before he took a chunk out of my ass.
No, no.
No, no, no. Wait. Wait. It's just that
I'm not what I look like.
I mean, I am, you know, but... but on the inside...
I'm a firecracker.
You know... Rita,
I feel your pain.
When people look at me,
all they see is civil servant.
But what they don't know
is underneath these itchy blue shorts
lies a fierce diva.
That's right.
I play a mean organ
for Temple Beth Acheim.
So you're Jewish?
Oh, no. I go to First Baptist
over on Six Mile and Dequinder.
Oh. Why don't you play there?
Banned from the premises.
I mean, like it's my fault I saw Reverend Campbell
embracing more than just the Lord.
Anybody could have saw that through that little keyhole.
Anyway, now that I'm off my feet,
why don't you play me a little something?
Oh, no. no. I'm pretty rusty.
I haven't played in a couple of years.
Actually, a couple of decades.
I'm not one to pry.
Yes. No. I can tell.
But, on this kind of job,
you learn a lot about folks,
and it just seems to me you're on the verge of a meltdown.
And, if I were you, I would do more
than just get my guitar down.
I would get down with my guitar.
Well, thanks for the help with the ladder.
You can just leave my mail.
Oh!
Okay!
Well, at least we know what type you are.
You're that "all talk, no action" type.
No action?
No, no, no, no. I've got a rainbow of Post-its
that spell action.
Just... not for me.
Hello, Cleveland!
And you're still here.
Hallie, dinner!
(inhales deeply): Meat loaf. Off the hook.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Kip, maybe I should explain the concept of grounded to you.
See, uh...
Hallie has lost her privileges.
And, for some reason, that we have yet to comprehend,
she considers you a privilege.
So... mmh!
That means a lot.
That wasn't a... Okay. All right.
All right. We're done.
Kip? What's he doing here?
Just hear me out, dude. Or just get out, dude.
All right, I'm real sorry if I pissed you off, all right?
You guys are awesome. I wish I had parents like you.
But not you, because then Hallie would be my sister,
and that would be kind of creepy.
I'm going to stop talking now
except to say I seriously love you guys.
All right. Can I borrow your cell phone?
Sure thing, boss. Thanks, man.
All right, apology accepted.
Let's eat!
Nice work.
Hallie! Dinner!
Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh.
Da-da-da.
Hey, uh, honey,
can you be in charge of dinner on Friday?
I've got some stuff that I need to do. Yeah, no problem.
Oh, no, no, no, Friday. I can't, I got basketball.
Okay, that's all right, I'll just move my stuff
up to earlier after school.
But if I miss karate, sensei will feel disrespected.
Right, right. Okay.
Oh, I know.
What if Hallie picks up Shannon after school...?
Can't. Grounded.
Sorry.
Cute, real cute.
All right, I can figure this out.
It's just two hours.
Two hours? You're not having an affair, are you?
Yeah, honey, I'm having a hot fling
with the bag boy at Kroger's.
Darnell?
Way to go.
No, I'm just, you know, I invited someone over to...
play music.
You heard me, I'm gonna play my guitar again.
And I made a new friend.
Well, can't you guys move it to another day?
Oh, she said she could only do it Friday.
And she kinda scares me, so...
Ooh, ooh, okay, okay. We can do this.
What if you leave work early
to get Shannon from karate,
so that you can honor your sensei.
I will pre-cook
a pot roast,
which then you can microwave,
and still make your game,
and you will stay in your room plotting my death.
Oh, what will I do with my two free hands?
I know. Play my guitar.
So, uh, I don't get a Post-it?
I am so psyched.
Starting today, Rita is gonna get her groove back.
(washing machine dings)
Right after I do a load of whites.
Ah!
Hold it, missy.
Now as my people say, the whites can take care of themselves.
Get back over here.
Come on, let's jam. Come on, girl.
Jam. I miss jamming.
Okay, we'll get down. Come on.
(keyboards play)
Hello?
Hey!
Just returning
Jay's mesquite briquettes.
I hate to be a buzzkill,
but I can hear you all the way from my house.
And, you know, a guy likes to relax after a hard day of work.
Oh, well, you should be plenty relaxed.
Here's your unemployment check, Mr. O. Delgado, Jr.
Well, thanks, Owen.
I'll Jay that you stopped by.
Hey, you know what your band's missing?
No, it's not a band. Bass.
I got one in the attic that Audrey's been threatening
to sell on eBay. No, but it's not a band.
Don't move, I'll go home But it's not a band.
and bring that bad boy over. It's not a band.
It's not a band. Owen, Owen, Owen!
Yeah, that's sweet you want to...
But we actually don't need anybody else.
I get it.
You're not hiring right now.
I'm not Gap material.
No worries.
I don't need this gig.
Shane from Applebee's
promised he'd get back to me.
Oh, no.
No. (stammers)
He don't have no job.
Owen, Owen, Owen.
Owen, we've been talking...
You want me to join your band?!
Oh, solid! We're gonna rock this 'hood!
(imitates wailing guitar)
Whoo!
And...
(music plays)
Hallie?
What? What? Hallie, what are you
doing out here? I thought I grounded you.
No, it's cool. Dad ungrounded me
to go pick up Shannon for him.
What?
I can't believe it. Give me the keys.
I'll go get Shannon. Go back inside.
Patty, sorry. I gotta take five.
Might as well finish my route then.
Ho, ho! The O-Man's back
with the bass and a case!
Hello?
Guys?
Hey.
Kip, out.
You okay?
Question is really, are you okay?
I mean, I don't see
any blood or...
doesn't look like you were in a car accident.
So, can you explain to me why you ungrounded Hallie
and didn't pick up Shannon?
What was the question again?
Jay, you totally undermined me.
What were you thinking? I was thinking
that Shannon could get to karate
and you could get your two hours, everybody wins.
No, I didn't win. I had to stop playing
so I could go do what you were supposed to do.
Well, I'm sorry, something major came up.
Oh, what, did one of your pretend football players
tear his imaginary ACL?
No. Whatever fun thing that was that came up
why couldn't you have at least just called and told me?
Because I knew you would stop playing to go get her.
Of course I would because that's what a responsible parent does.
Okay, okay, so maybe I was being a bad parent,
but I was doing it to be a good husband.
Have I told you how amazing you look in those jeans
and your hair's really pretty today?
Honey, it's gonna be fine.
Come on, you'll rock out next week.
No, I won't rock out next week.
Or the week after.
It'll end up like everything else
I try to do for myself--
with a crumpled up Post-it in the bottom of the trash.
While the rest of you just get to do whatever you want.
Whatever...?
You know what the fun thing was that came up?
It was the Hertz account that I was kissing ass to snag
so you don't have to worry about not getting a promotion
that you don't even want.
Jay...
Jay, I...
(bicycle bell rings)
(bell ringing)
(ringing)
Girl, that took so long
you should be working for the government.
Guys, I don't think today's going to work out.
Today or any day.
What?! Why?
I don't really want to get into it.
You know, it's okay, you don't have to.
I heard every word.
What? Spring for double-paned windows
like the rest of the block.
I'm sorry I wasted your guys' time.
You know what, don't be sorry for us.
Be sorry for yourself.
You're the one not getting your groove back.
You know what, it's all right.
If you're not gonna be using your guitar, you might as well
put it back up there for another couple of decades.
Do you guys know any Otis Redding?
Oh, you mean that old dude on the side of the popcorn bags?
Really?
(strums)
♪ Oh, she may be weary
♪ And women, we do get weary ♪
♪ Wearing the same old shabby dress ♪
♪ Sing it, Rita
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah
♪ But when she gets weary
♪ Weary
♪ You've got to try a little tenderness ♪ ♪ Try
♪ A little tenderness
♪ Oh, yeah
♪ Ooh...
♪ Yeah, yeah
♪ She may be waiting
♪ Mm-hmm, yeah
♪ Just anticipating
RITA & PATTY: * The things she'll never, never, never possess *
♪ But while she's without them
♪ Yeah, yeah
♪ You've got to
RITA & PATTY: * Try a little tenderness
RITA: * That's all you gotta do now
PATTY: * All you gotta do
* You've got to love her * Love her *
* Hold her * Hold her *
* Squeeze her * Squeeze her *
♪ Never, never leave her ♪ Never, never
♪ You've got to, got to, got to, got to, got to ♪
♪ Try a little tenderness
♪ Whoo...
* You've got to love her * Love her *
* Hold her * Hold her *
* Squeeze her * Squeeze her *
♪ Never, never leave her
* Oh, no * Oh, no *
♪ You've got to, got to, got to ♪
♪ Try a little tender...
(music stops)
(speaks): ...ness.
Hey.
Looks like we're done for the day.
Seriously.
I saw it.
Saw what?
The sparkle in your eyes.
Forgot how beautiful it was.
I don't want to fight, Jay.
Neither do I.
Look, if it's a couple hours you need,
I'll do whatever it takes.
And, hopefully, it won't resemble anything I did today.
I just, I want this to work.
We are just talking about a couple of hours though, right?
So are we good?
We good.
We'd be better if we could figure out
what to do with Hallie.
Mm.
I say we don't cave.
She stays in her room till she's 45.
Mm, tough love.
I kind of like it.
Rita, I thought you wanted a little tenderness.
Well, you still owe me two hours,
and I think we've got time for both.
Rita...
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org