LARRY: This is so cool. You actually live a sci-fi adventure.
And I've done some pretty cool things.
I mean, I don't wanna brag, but...
Here, look. You can tell which one I am
because I'm the only one not in a Romulan costume.
Oh! Thank you. Thank you very much.
And this one. This one's gonna be big back in Kenosha.
This is yours truly with none other than the son of Whit Bissell.
Huh?
Whit Bissell? I was a Teenage Frankenstein? 1957?
Now, I know you guys rent videos
and you definitely should carry this one.
Now I only have it on DVD, but...
That's okay. We have a limited rental business.
Why does that not surprise me?
Excuse me?
It's just not how I would do things.
You know, your whole merchandise display thing is a little...
And you're an expert?
(SCOFFS)
Have you ever heard of Walmart? Assistant Manager
trainee.
Let's get the final sighting so we can start setting up the gridline.
Move up on that rise.
You'll let me know if I get eaten here, right?
Yeah.
(CRACKLING)
See, what I would do, in-store, that is,
is I would put more of a sci-fi spin on things.
You know, I know you're just a general store, but, like...
When you go to Roswell, for example, and you walk in
to, like, the Kwik-E-Mart for your beef jerky, or your nachos, or your
whatever, I mean, guess what?
They're wearing space helmets. Really, so...
(WRIST-SEISMO BUZZING)
Is he coming?
Shh!
This is so cool.
Shh!
(GLASS SHATTERING)
He's gone. (SHOUTING) Oh, my God!
That was the coolest thing ever!
Oh, I will never, ever be the same. That was just...
I gotta document this.
Okay.
He's still not in the area, but walk softly...
And carry a big stick. I know.
(HISSING)
(SCREAMING)
Robert!
The store, Perfection, Nevada.
Moments after a close encounter of the subterranean kind.
And me?
A stranger in a strange land.
Yo, Larry. Complimentary cup of coffee if you drink it outside.
Oh, I don't drink coffee, it makes me wired.
You do now.
Well, see, my mom says that...
(DOOR OPENING)
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
(SCREAMING)
(HISSING)
How you doing?
Look, now I'm not one to turn down business,
but I'm all booked up at the moment.
Got a big group scheduled. Kenosha, Wisconsin Booster Club.
Yeah, that's me! All right!
You... You're the Booster Club?
Well, there is no Booster Club. I just call myself that.
See, I wanted to make sure I had the whole tour to myself. You know?
More one-on-one time?
Tyler Reed and Larry Norvel, monster hunters!
You paid for eight tickets?
Uh-huh. Yeah, and we're all ready to get going. So let's get going.
All right.
Let's everybody get aboard.
No pushing and shoving, now.
And action!
Riding shotgun with my man!
Graboid country, here we come!
While he may reach untold depths,
the Graboid is a creature that feeds on the surface.
Anything that moves or makes a sound
is prey to this giant subterranean killing machine.
Subterranean killing machine. Excellent!
Look, Larry, no offense, but you gotta stay buckled up in your seat,
and leave the rest to me.
Sure, no problem, Tyler. Sorry.
We have been searching these killing fields for hours,
and still no sign of the giant subterranean killing machine
known as El Blanco.
But we will keep looking and looking until we find him.
We may even stay out all night if we have to.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! We might...
Hang on a second. I've already given you an extra half hour.
You're giving up?
Maybe some other time.
Well, I... You know, no offense there, Tyler, but, you know,
your brochure here says, "See the Graboid,"
which to me means "see the Graboid,"
not "drive around, maybe see the Graboid, look at scenery."
Yeah? And the release form clearly states,
"Graboid sightings not guaranteed."
It's not some hippo in a jungle boat ride.
I mean, exactly, that's my point.
I mean, the Loch Ness Monster, you can't see it so you can't confirm it.
UFO sightings, I mean, inconclusive.
But this? I mean, come on! This is El Blanco! This is the genuine article!
I mean, you and Burt Gummer, you're out here going,
"Behold the mighty El Blanco!" I mean, that is pretty crazy.
You through yet? Through?
I just got here, I'm gonna hang out some more,
you know, maybe go on the tour tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Yeah. And the next day after that.
If we haven't seen El Blanco or one of those Shriekers,
(STAMMERS) I would love to see one of those.
Maybe one of those Ass-Blasters.
Can you imagine? Man, I would love to see one of those.
Maybe I didn't make enough noise.
Let's just give it one more try.
Yeah! Absolutely. Let's do it.
(SOFTLY) Come on, El Blanco. Yeah.
And action!
(LARRY LAUGHING)
BURT: What's he doing out here?
All right. Wait here a second.
What are you doing out here?
Collecting scrub berries.
I'm gonna show my survival students how to make a poultice.
For any wounds you might incur while struggling to survive.
Great, Burt.
You haven't seen any sign of El Blanco, have you?
Not today, and what are you doing way over here?
You're awfully far off Twitchell's approved route.
I really have to raise El Blanco
or else that dude is gonna hang around forever.
That doesn't give you the right to go off-route.
You could get all our asses in a sling.
(SIGHING)
Hey, Larry! Check it out. Recognize this guy?
Oh, my God! Is that Burt Gummer?
Oh, this is so sweet. It's so nice to meet you.
In fact, I was wondering if I could get a photo of just you and I.
You don't mind, do you?
(CAMERA CLICKING) There you go. There. Oh! There it is.
If ever you two need an assistant or a helper or whatever,
I would love to help out.
Because what you guys are doing, I mean, that's my dream.
In fact, I was thinking if it was possible for me...
(BEEPING) Maybe I could tag along today and we...
What's that? What? Is it go time? Is it El Blanco?
Let's get in the jeep! Let's go! Let's go!
(BEEPING)
It's not moving.
Yeah, somebody's out there.
What? Doing what?
Making a lot of dangerous vibrations.
Where was El Blanco the last time you saw him?
TYLER: It's kind of a moot point, Burt, because there he is.
Oh! Let's go get him!
We'll go get him, you'll stay here.
Stay... Stay here? I'm not gonna stay here, I'm with you guys! Come on!
I'll sit in the back, because, you know, I'm your back-up
and the back seat's probably the best place for a back-up.
No! Now listen tight. El Blanco's in the vicinity.
But I want to see El Blanco! Up on solid rock, now.
But that's what I want to see. I want to see El Blanco.
Stay there till we get back.
But the brochure... Sit!
Stay!
Whoever the fools are, if we don't get there soon...
Yeah. Graboid chow.
(GRUNTING)
Whoa!
(GRUNTS)
Concussion grenades. Gotta be Burt Gummer.
Yeah, no kidding.
Stop! We're fine!
(WHIRRING)
(WHIRRING STOPS)
Whoa!
Thanks for your concern, but there's really no need for that.
No need to save you from El Blanco?
What the hell are you doing drilling out here?
I thought this was all taken care of.
Yeah. Twitchell said everyone would be notified.
Notified of what? Our presence out here, what we're doing,
and the fact that we don't really need to be saved from El Blanco.
Really?
So if we hadn't come along, you wouldn't be halfway down El Blanco's gullet by now?
Oh, come on, you don't think we'd be stupid enough
to drill for soil samples without monitoring his movements.
What good does that do when you're hundreds of yards from safe ground?
Well, we installed a simple anti-Graboid system.
Three-inch-thick steel plates around all of our work areas.
Crude, but effective. But, hey, thanks anyway.
Mr. Reed and Mr. Gummer, right?
I recognize you from your files.
What files?
Just press clippings, Mr. Gummer. That's all.
I'm Dr. Casey Matthews
and these are my assistants, Roger Garret and Pete Norris.
The three of us and our two associates in the field
were sent by the Department of the Interior.
More scientists? Sent out here to do what?
I'm a research geneticist.
Geneticist!
Here to study the effects of Mixmaster on the local ecosystem?
That's right.
That's good, Burt. Let me, uh...
Let me try one. Mmm.
You were sent here by the Department of the Interior,
only poor old Twitchell somehow
forgot to give us the heads-up.
You're good, too.
Come on. We got a lunatic to retrieve from a rock.
Oh, guys... Yeah?
Stop by the lab anytime. It's not a top secret operation.
Really.
Burt, I would think you'd be glad to have some professionals
looking into this Mixmaster situation.
You enjoy being a lab experiment?
To them we're one big petri dish
and they're just waiting to see what grows.
You over-dramatize everything, Burt.
Remains to be seen.
Leave my coffee maker alone. Out! I'll do that.
I like it strong.
I know you like it strong.
You know, this could be part of the ongoing conspiracy
to cover up evidence of the lab.
You thought that bar codes and pay-per-view were conspiracies.
Remains to be seen.
Look, what...
What the hell?
JODl: Shh! It's a tourist.
Should have left him on the rock.
Whoa. This'll look great on my web site.
I show up on your web site, I have friends.
They will find you. Understand?
Yeah, I was just... I was just documenting. You know.
Perfection. I'll do... I'll go look at the water tower.
(WHISPERING) What the hell?
TYLER: Now, what's this balloon gonna do?
We're tracking air currents in the valley
to get a better idea of where Mixmaster might escape
if it's ever airborne.
Airborne Mixmaster?
Well, we just don't know.
That's why we're here.
Carl, come in.
Robert? What the hell are you guys doing?
Carl, Robert, do you copy?
Problem? I hope not.
Carl and Robert, my survey guys.
(SIGHS) They should've been here a while ago.
They're not answering their radio.
Around here that's a bad sign.
Where are they supposed to be?
Carl?
Robert?
Where are you guys?
Is that necessary?
Half the time it's not enough.
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
It's them, isn't it?
BURT: I've notified Twitchell.
JODl: And I called the coroner.
Guess that's all we can do for now. Yeah.
Coroner? Afraid so. We got two dead bodies out there
and we don't know why. Bodies? Skeletons.
Skeletons.
Excuse me, ladies, but I really don't think
every tourist who comes to town is on a need-to-know basis.
Well, why not? Thought you didn't like cover-ups, Burt.
I don't. Well?
Well, what?
Well, either you believe in a free flow of information or you don't.
It's not that simple. My point is,
we have to maintain at least some control over...
Over who knows what.
And who decides that, Burt?
I mean, come on. It's the same as a cover-up.
Disseminating information in a controlled manner
to protect the integrity of an investigation is not a cover-up.
Listen to yourself!
I'd rather do that than listen to you.
Yeah, well, why don't you two just table this philosophical debate
till later, okay? Because we all got things to do.
Yeah, and you're both giving me a headache.
This is a major mystery,
because El Blanco wouldn't just leave a skeleton on the ground.
Which you all probably obviously know.
Why don't you and Nancy have a nice long talk about that?
You could even cook him some supper.
She makes a mean tofu goulash.
And you, like, make all the action figures, right? Because I love action figures.
Yeah. And I'm really busy with one at the moment,
so, maybe later.
That's cool. No problem. I'll watch, you work.
Come on, Casey, we gotta run the tissue samples from the site.
I can't do this.
You have to.
We gotta find out what the hell happened out there.
Look, Casey, this almost certainly
has something to do with Mixmaster,
and that's exactly what we're here to study, right?
Casey, we all knew it could be dangerous.
(STIFLING SOBS)
But I never imagined this.
CLETUS: The one sad reality of our profession, my dear,
is that many of the greatest discoveries are born of tragedy.
Trust me. Cletus is a guy who knows.
Cletus Poffenberger?
I am he.
Cletus knows more than anyone about...
I know. I've read every one of his essays.
Brilliant work.
Well, I'm glad you think so.
At the time they dubbed me an eccentric. Can you imagine?
You... You are eccentric.
Well, I just thought maybe you could use a second opinion.
These remains...
Yeah, Roger just brought them in.
Let's see what they can tell us.
An organic acid.
Any of the indigenous flora excrete something like that?
No, no. Certainly not this powerful.
Let's get this sample under a mass-spectrometer
and see if we can answer the big question.
Mixmaster?
Of course.
The organic acid that killed them was loaded with it.
And the acid, where'd that come from?
CLETUS: No idea.
Perhaps some parasitic creature
that spits it out to attack its prey.
Or maybe
a digestive juice,
like that injected by certain spiders.
Roger and Pete are up there now
looking for tracks or any other kind of sign.
That's 100 square feet. Yeah.
All right, let's add a couple more feet to our radius, all right?
(HISSING)
(SCREAMING) Pete! What's wrong?
Pete!
BURT: Careful, now. This is the area where Pete got hit by the acid.
What the hell are we looking at?
The legacy of science run amok.
They should have worn full hazmat suits.
Thought it was an animal of some sort, you know,
something that we could see coming.
Don't blame yourself, Roger.
We'll figure this thing out, analyze it,
then destroy it.
Hey, look at this.
What the...
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
Jeez.
Must have been full of that acid. Shot it up somehow.
Looks like it's empty now.
TYLER: Look at this.
I wonder how far this thing goes.
BURT: Can you cut it? Carefully? We can take it back to the lab.
I'll give it a shot.
(DISTANT ROARING)
Whoa! What was that?
Pumpkin patch from hell.
There it is again, differentiated fractals.
We have redundancy, Dr. Matthews.
CASEY: If these really are neurotransmitters,
then they're essentially reptilian.
You know where this is leading, don't you, Doctor?
Actually, Burt, to a lot of people you're just as confusing.
But, to those unfortunates present who forgot to get Ph. D's...
It would seem that this Mixmaster compound
has succeeded beyond anybody's wildest expectations.
That thing out there is, well, truly a thing.
It's both plant and animal. Or neither. You take your pick.
Jodi, come on! You have to tell me where they are.
You do not have need to know.
I love when you guys all talk like that,
but I am missing out on everything.
There's a new phenomenon in the valley.
That is not something we look forward to around here.
Well, I do! I can handle it! I volunteer!
I was born for this kind of stuff!
You were born for collecting action figures, not being one.
Come on!
CASEY: Its primary DNA is some sort of squash or gourd.
These sacs are probably connected to a root system
that radiates out like spokes to a central taproot.
Well, what about that acid?
It's a version of the digestive sap
of the Amazonian pitcher plant,
though much stronger, of course.
Amazonian pitcher plant? Something else you guys had in the old lab?
There was a whole botanical division.
When the lab was abandoned, those fellows just left all their plants to die.
And by the way, I ran a test, and those hazmat suits would have offered,
oh, about 15 seconds of protection against this stuff.
Well, that's nice to know now.
There's more DNA than that, isn't there?
Much more. There's a bit of Venus flytrap.
Contractive tissue that gives the sacs
the strength to shoot out the acid.
Triggered by vibration.
Even a footstep anywhere near the sac.
The astonishing thing is that this plant
has a rudimentary circulatory and nervous system.
Reptilian. Possibly lizard or snake, originally.
Point is, with a circulatory system to carry nutrients,
this life form can theoretically grow quite large.
So there could be a lot of these things growing out there.
A lot.
Man, well, we gotta cordon this area off somehow,
keep people out of there.
How big is the area? How can we tell?
I've got an idea about that.
The acid is somewhat volatile,
so traces of it should be wafting throughout the air
near the sacs.
Roger has programmed some organic chemical devices to pick it up.
We should be able to get a rough idea
of the plant's outer perimeter.
Well, yeah, but...
(SIGHS)
The trick is, how do we move around out there?
I mean safely.
I've got an idea about that.
Okay. Move toward the area where it got Pete, then branch out.
Move slowly. Stay behind Tyler and me.
All right.
Each time we get a reading, log the position on the GPS.
Yep, that's the deal.
Move out.
BURT: Okay, we separate. Try to define the perimeter.
Plant one here.
(BEEPING)
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
Here.
You okay?
(GROANS) Externally.
But my bowels may never be the same.
CLETUS: How'd you do?
I think we marked the east edge pretty well.
Good.
Jeez. Must be three-and-a-half, four acres.
For one plant?
In Oregon, there's a fungus that covers something like 2,000 acres.
And it's considered a single organism.
Its zone is kind of an inverted V shape.
Makes sense.
We're on an alluvial fan that emanates from the wash up in those hills.
The root system is spreading along the slope.
The key to killing it will be to find the taproot.
God knows how we do that, threading our way through all these living land mines.
We spotted some of the roots on the east side.
They seem to be coming from the northwest.
On this side they come from the northeast.
Maybe they all lead back to that big root.
CLETUS: It'll still be difficult to find.
Yeah, it could be far underground.
TYLER: Hang on, I got an idea.
On the other hand, it could look like something from Mars.
About 50 yards just left of those bushes.
You're good, Tyler.
Here.
We'll want to deliver some sort of poison by injection.
Use its own circulatory system against it.
The poison will be carried to every one of the sacs.
Exactly.
You know what we do?
We get Twitchell to spring for a helicopter. Fly it right over that thing.
No, but you couldn't land.
Even the prop wash might set off the sacs.
Okay, we bring the chopper in over the hill high, drop a guy down.
Only have someone throw a bunch of stuff on the ground first,
you know, clear a spot for him.
That's good. All right.
All right, we... (ON RADIO) Larry Norvel to Burt Gummer.
Larry to Burt. Come in, over!
Isn't he gone yet?
Yeah, Burt here.
What is it? Over.
(CASUALLY) What you doing? Over.
Just continuing our investigation.
It's none of your concern. Just stay in town. Over.
(MISCHIEVOUSLY) Too late for that. Over.
Where are you? Over.
Right here, dude!
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
CASEY: Don't go anymore! BURT: No! No! Get off! Get back!
Stop! Stop! Stop!
(ALL SHOUTING WARNINGS) LARRY: What?
What's going on?
You are, without a doubt, the luckiest man I ever met.
Tell me about it. Every moment I'm with you guys,
yeah, I gotta pinch myself. Whoo! Ah!
Damn it, you could've been killed!
Oh, Burt. El Blanco's miles away.
I spied you guys from up there,
but I couldn't find the road, so I just...
I just walked myself on down.
(SIGHS) Why are you guys all staring like that?
(EXHALES)
Yeah. Hey, Burt, you want to know how I found you?
No. I have my own seismo monitor.
Yeah, I built it myself from Radio Shack stuff.
It taps into the geophone just like yours does.
So then I thought to myself, "Wait a second,
"I could just track Burt's truck."
And sure enough, as soon as you guys started driving around,
boom! Real distinct signal, and then there I was.
Cool, huh? Oh, man.
If you ever had a son, Burt...
Roger?
Roger.
(EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)
Whoa! Jeez. I'm just hooking up the hard drive. Everybody, calm down!
I'm gonna call Twitchell, bring him up to speed.
(EXCLAIMS) This is so cool! Can I see the plant?
As we said, we don't know that we can classify it as either a plant or animal.
Can I see that?
You can look. Don't touch. Stay here.
How's the toxicity testing going?
It's pretty straightforward.
Vulnerable to cell disrupters and various coagulants.
I'm gonna have to come up with a big enough dose.
We need more raw materials, though.
Hey! The plant?
What's the big basketball part for?
You know, that round thing sticking up? That...
What do we do?
Get something to seal it. Um, a bell jar.
Doesn't look the same as that acid sac.
What in the hell?
(HISSING)
(ALL EXCLAIM)
Seeds.
Close the outer door! Shut down the ventilator!
So, how many were in there?
About a million, give or take.
Man! If that had gotten out into the valley, it would've...
That would not be so cool.
The valley would be uninhabitable. With no natural enemy,
the thing would keep spreading indefinitely.
The lights must've warmed up the pod.
Do you think it burst when it did because of the temperature?
Temperature. Light. Humidity. Barometric pressure.
Those are the only variables here,
and the temperature is the obvious factor.
So, how hot is it?
No, no, no, no. How hot was it when the seed pod opened?
You know, there's this episode of Bab 5
where Commander Sinclair sits down at his monitor to scroll some data.
He...
Eighty-one degrees.
Supposed to get hotter than that today.
What's the current outside temperature?
Seventy-five. And climbing.
We might still be okay.
Could just have been a reaction
to being cut loose and transported here.
Tyler to the lab, come in. Over.
Burt, looks like we stepped in it big time.
Twitchell said they can't have a chopper here in under four hours.
It'll reach 81 degrees long before that.
Well, we gotta do it ourselves.
We gotta do what we can with what we got.
I'll remember that.
CASEY: Okay, first of all we need a liquid base for the poison.
Yeah, alcohol or kerosene.
Yeah, about three or four gallons.
And we need a lot of antacid
to combat the acidic fluids in the system.
Can we get everything we need at Chang's?
Sure. It's all just basic stuff.
We've got the prime ingredient here.
Larry, we have a mission for you.
Yeah? Roger, give him the list.
Yeah, Roger, I need that list.
Well, forgive my pessimism, but a much larger problem
is how we deliver the poison to the taproot.
I mean, without dying, of course.
I know, I know.
I was thinking, you know, drive a vehicle. I mean, an enclosed vehicle,
full tilt across the sacs. Just go like hell.
No, the tires would blow in seconds.
Yeah, the acid's incredibly strong.
Well, can't we just feel our way,
like we did before with the long poles?
No, it'd take hours. We don't have the time.
We could always send Larry. Mmm.
Got my orders! I'll be back asap!
So how do we get to the taproot?
There is one bizarre possibility.
(ENGINE REVVING)
NANCY: And you see, I used one of the tentacles...
To make the handle.
Yeah! That's a great idea.
Oh, my God, oh, my God! I need this stuff, all this stuff!
Alcohol and bleach... Are you hurt?
No! No! It's Plantimal! It must be stopped!
The wind's against us.
That's why we're gonna make a guideline to our target,
using a sand anchor.
Sand anchor?
Attach the pulley to this end,
then we loop the cable through the pulley.
JODl: I've got another case of alcohol back here. Hang on a second.
You do those, too? Yep.
Cool. You know, you should put a severed head in the bottom of the mug.
Like of that guy, old Fred, who was killed all those years ago.
That way when you drink it,
his face will just suddenly appear in your coffee.
They sold over 8,600 Highlander severed head mugs
at Fantasycon in Jersey last year. It's crazy, isn't it? I know.
Okay, here's the rest of it.
Okay. Let's go.
Okay, take cover. Behind the truck.
Watch your ears.
(FIRES)
(ALL CHEERING)
A typically Burtian solution!
You surpassed your reputation.
Seventy-nine degrees, getting closer!
Okay, this rig's ready to fly.
Good, who's our pilot?
That's me. Like hell.
Okay. I'm lighter than you guys
so it's gonna carry me farther.
Sure, but it'll carry me far enough. So, I'm going.
That doesn't make any... Sense?
Sure it does. One of us risks his life.
That person is me. Makes sense.
BURT: Come on, step into this harness.
All right, you are good to go.
Take him away.
Next time, remind me to have second thoughts.
CLETUS: Eighty degrees! And counting!
Not much time.
I'm sinking!
Lose something, Tyler!
Your boots! TYLER: My boots?
But do not drop them under you!
Might set off one of those acid bombs!
TYLER: Come on, guys, pull! Hurry up!
Pull faster! Pull faster! Let's go!
Eighty-one degrees! We have 81 degrees!
Okay, you freaky thing, this won't hurt a bit.
(ROARING)
BURT: Tyler, time's running out! Kill it now!
TYLER: Nothing's happening!
Give it more!
(ROARING)
TYLER: I got nothing! It's not reacting!
Give it everything!
(SCREECHING)
(LAUGHING) Yeah!
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Yeah!
Yeah! Yes!
Yeah! Oh, yeah!
(WHOOPING) Yes!
(EXCLAIMS)
BURT: Yeah, Tyler!
It's dead.
LARRY: Look out! It's gonna blow!
(HISSING)
(SQUIRTING)
(HISSING)
ROGER: Way to go, Larry. Yeah!
Larry, you all right?
Yeah. I'm fine.
I'm fine. Yeah.
Everything's okay!
Hello, ladies, Larry Norvel, monster hunter.
Is that one of the new mugs?
Yep. Kind of reworked it.
What the hell?
You got me, girl. Very slick.
I told you so.
Hey, Cletus! You still want that ride?
Absolutely!
See you folks whenever.
Wait a sec. I never got to see El Blanco.
Relax. Something tells me he'll be back.
Hey, you guys in the old lab,
you ever do experiments with time travel?
Sloppy.