School is actually a reality game show.
People get voted out, and just when you think
you have the rules figured out... they change.
180 pounds is good.
Don't you think if a bridge made out of toothpicks
can hold 180 pounds, I should get an "A"?
But, no. Since Mike Barto's father is an engineer,
he brings in a bridge that can hold a circus elephant.
And I'm left holding a B-plus.
Um, is it just my imagination or...
No, when did this happen?
I don't know.
You know, maybe there was some memo that we didn't get.
That's all right. I wasn't talking.
Look around, Gordo.
Do you notice anything unusual?
Everyone's paired off.
It's like Noah's Ark... with fluorescent lighting.
It's out of nowhere.
A school-wide epidemic-- the love bug.
And everybody's bit but Miranda, Gordo and me.
Great.
Paul O'Neill, Paul O'Neill...
please let there be a Paul O'Neill.
Dad, I'm going to need an advance on my allowance.
Absolutely not.
He's already well into next year.
Don't think I'm not keeping track, buddy.
Jo, he's making an investment.
You know,
my own baseball card collection is worth a small fortune.
"Small" being the operative word here.
But, mom I only need one more Yankee player
and I got the whole team.
That's what they do. They make less of one
so that you'll buy more cards to try and get it.
They're vultures, son.
They want to grab you by the throat
and squeeze you for every penny you're worth.
Don't give up.
Did you hear about Craig Gable and Stella Vance?
No way!
She's, like, a foot taller than him.
I know but I saw her in bio, and she was writing
all these notes and dotting her Is with little hearts.
You know what I think?
It's a full moon.
My mom says weird things always happen
when there's a full moon.
Or, maybe it's because Valentine's day is next week.
Who celebrates Valentine's day?
That's, like, the doofiest holiday ever.
I don't know, maybe we're supposed to.
Only maybe no one wants to celebrate with us.
That's horrible.
Yup, I bet that's it.
No... that can't be it.
You think?
Collecting?
Mom, it's the paperboy!
Where's my purse?
No, I'll get it.
Face the facts.
I mean, even Joyce Lutz has a boyfriend.
I have to wonder... is there something wrong with me?
No. Is there something wrong with me?
Uh... hold on, okay?
Lizzie, was that a "no"? Did you say "no"?
Are you listening to me?
Um, I'm sorry... I forgot to turn my ears off.
Hey, Ronny. Sorry to keep you waiting.
Oh, no problem. I'll see you next week?
-Okay. -All right.
Wait!
Here.
Lizzie, was that a "no"?
Wait a second...
I have to finish my route.
You know, I think it's really rude eavesdropping like that.
Well, I think it's really rude
ignoring someone in your doorway.
Well, it's not like you came to see me.
How do you know?
What?
How do you know I wasn't there to see you?
Did you come to see me?
No, I was just doing my job.
See, now you're giving me a hard time
for absolutely no reason.
Oh... there's a reason.
Okay, well, what is it?
If you want to find out, you have to wait.
This is one of my stops.
Fine, then. I'll wait.
You will?
Um, I'll be right back then; don't move.
Well, if a car comes, you can...
move.
But to answer your first question...
there's definitely nothing wrong with you.
If you believe
We've got a picture-perfect plan
We've got you fooled
'Cause we only do the best we can
And sometimes we make it
And sometimes we fake it
But we get one step closer each and every day
We'll figure it out on the way.
Lizzie McGuire S02E01 First Kiss
Okay, so what happened last night?
You hung up on me, you never called me back...
Okay...
I'll only tell you if you agree to the cone of silence.
We're in the... "cone of silence." Go.
Okay...
I think, maybe... I think I like someone.
Lizzie, everyone knows about your crush on Ethan Craft...
except maybe Ethan Craft.
It's not a crush. And it's not Ethan.
It's not Ethan.
No. His name is Ronny Jacobs
and he goes to Jefferson.
He's cute and funny and he plays the guitar.
Wait, wait, wait. How do you know someone I don't know?
Well, he's our paperboy.
But he said he's always wanted to talk to me
and last night he finally did.
What's going on?
Oh, Lizzie's in love with her paperboy.
Cone of silence! Cone of silence!
I believe the words are self-explanatory.
Well thanks a lot, Miranda!
Oops.
That's the last time I'll be telling you anything.
Anybody got Paul O'Neill?
I'm ready to give away the store.
I got Jeter.
I got Clemens, though.
I've got O'Neill.
It exists!
Ouch.
50 cards, I'll give you 50 cards for Paul O'Neill.
Pass.
And I'll do your homework for a week!
I can do my own homework.
Name your price.
I'll get back with you.
Good morning, Mom, good morning, Dad.
I love the morning paper.
Don't you just love the morning paper?
Isn't the morning paper the best thing
in the whole entire world?
I was going to read that.
Could I at least have the sports...
I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend!
A cooly, cooly, cool boyfriend!
Uh, hello?
Oh, we're out of vanilla.
Are you under the incredibly mistaken impression
that you're having brownies for breakfast?
Melina wants freshly-baked brownies for lunch today.
That's very sweet of you. What's in the sink?
Oh, Melina's fine hand-washables.
I think they need a few more minutes.
Are we having brownies for breakfast?
Matt, what's going on?
Well, Melina has the baseball card I want
but she'll only give it to me if I meet her demands.
That's extortion.
That's brilliant.
Matt, I'm proud of you honey.
You found something you really want
and you're working hard for it.
And how!
Oh, time to feed Melina's pet snake.
Now, where did I put those mice?
He's kidding, right?
Is that him?
Oh, let me see.
Cute, very cute.
I know! And look-- I'm wearing his shoelaces.
He said he wanted me to think about him today.
Like, when am I ever not?
But, I didn't tell him that because I did just meet him.
That's actually kind of cool...
And, he's making me a tape of all of his favorite songs.
He burns all of his own CDs and he has,
like, 500 hours worth of music.
And he knows all these places on the Internet...
Stop me if I'm talking too much about him.
And I just have to tell you this one thing he said.
It's really funny, but it's pretty wise, too...
...and Ronny was explaining to me how everyone in the world
-- everyone-- is, like, connected by six people.
Like, somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody,
who knows somebody who knows Tom Cruise.
-Fascinating. -He just knows tons of cool stuff like that.
Like, if you take...
He says he does it all the time.
I'm going to get some pudding.
Yeah, that sounds good.
Pudding?
That's a great nickname!
Maybe I'll call Ronny...
"pudding."
Pudding... pudding...
pudding... pudding...
Did you believe her?
It's like watching one of those hygiene films
they show in health class.
I guess she really likes him.
Likes him? She's possessed. She's wearing his...
dirty shoelaces.
What do you think it is about him?
Think he's a jock? I bet he's a jock.
Now, you're going to talk about him incessantly, too?
No, it's just so strange.
I mean, other than my parents
Lizzie's the one person I've known my entire life.
I guess I never really thought what it would be like
when she had a boyfriend.
Wait, wait. Are you...
jealous?
Jealous? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Wrong road. I was trying to identify a different emotion.
Not jealousy.
Right.
I think.
I need you to pick up my dry cleaning
this is what I want for lunch today
and see what you can do about these pencils.
They're extremely dull.
Uh, done and, uh, done.
She's making you fetch like a dog. No baseball card is worth it.
Oh, look. There's a spot on my shoe.
Matt, could you take care of that for me?
Absolutely.
Look away, man. Just look away.
...how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look, you're never there
And every time I seek, you're always there
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes, it's you I see
You're everything I know that makes me believe...
£¨Michelle Branch - Everywhere£©
There is...
there's something that I was kind of wondering about.
What's that?
Do you consider us boyfriend and girlfriend?
I don't know. Do you?
I asked you first.
But... I think you asked me
because you're looking for a certain answer.
And... I don't want to give you the wrong one.
Yeah, but, if I tell you what I'm thinking...
I don't want to look stupid.
Me, neither.
One of us has to say something.
Well, it's not going to be me.
But... I guess you should know
I told my friends you were my girlfriend.
Is... Is that okay?
Hallelujah
Yes.
Then, um...
Would you consider wearing this?
It's all silver
so it won't turn your finger green or anything.
What was the last thing I ate?
Please, let it be a breath mint.
(Mandy Moore - Walk Me Home)
If I was your lady
And you were my friend
I would put my heart in your hands
And it would never end...
And I wondered how it would be
If I was your lady...
Lizzie? You okay?
Oh, everything is absolutely, positively completely
and totally... perfect.
I don't like the sound of that.
So you had a good time with Ronny?
Oh, only the best. The most awesome time in my entire life.
Okay, really don't like the sound of that.
Oh, Sam, he's a nice boy.
He's got a job and they're just friends.
It's not like they're going steady or anything, right, Lizzie?
I have the right to remain silent.
Anything I say can
and will be used against me in a court of law.
I'm watching too many cop shows.
Lizzie?
You know what, it's not that big of a deal,
and you said yourself he's a nice guy with a job
and today he gave me... a-a friendship ring.
Okay, panic.
I think I just burst a blood vessel.
FYI, Dad, every girl in my grade has a boyfriend.
Does Miranda have a boyfriend?
No, Miranda doesn't have a boyfriend.
So much for that argument.
Okay, so I can't have a boyfriend
because Miranda doesn't have one?
No, your mother and I feel that...
Are you doing all the talking here?
I really think it's important we're united on this.
Yeah, but the number one way to make a boy even
more appealing to a girl is to tell her she can't see him.
I'm not prepared to use reverse psychology here.
I don't even understand regular psychology.
Uh, cold, freezing... North Pole.
Lizzie, the mall is closing in five hours.
Ronny, I got to go, okay?
Uh, no, you hang up first.
I'm not hanging up first.
It's your turn to hang up first.
I'm not hanging up first. You hang up first.
Miranda!
I'm sorry, I thought you were talking to me.
Let me just call him back real fast
so he doesn't think I hung up on him.
Lizzie... I want you to listen to me very carefully.
This is your brain.
And this is your brain on Ronny, okay?
You are losing it.
A few days ago this guy was a complete stranger to you.
Now he's all you talk about.
He's all you think about. He's all you care about.
She has a point.
That is not true.
Exhibit A.
Your history notebook.
Uh, can I have that back, please?
Take any notes yesterday?
Miranda, that's none of your business.
Oh, yes, a very productive day.
You have four pages filled out with his name.
You never cared what was in my notebook before
and the only reason you care now
is because I have a boyfriend and you don't.
Rewind, rewind.
That came out all wrong.
No,
I think it came out perfectly.
No, I don't have a boyfriend at the moment.
Nor do I have much of a best friend either.
Okay, that's it. I did everything on your list.
The card is mine.
I've been thinking.
That's never good.
Is it really a fair trade? You'll have the entire Yankee roster
but what will I have?
A washed dog, a cut lawn, a fed snake,
clean clothes, delicious brownies and my undying gratitude.
True.
But I'd like just one more thing.
I'm proud of you, son.
You worked hard and you achieved your dream.
And let me tell you, it was not easy.
That Melina is one tough negotiator.
If you'd like to see a real collection let me show you mine.
I've got Roberto Clemente's rookie card.
Willie Mays-- the year he started putting chicken on the hill.
I know they're in here somewhere.
Has anybody seen my baseball cards?
Matt?
Yes?
Where are my cards?
Did I mention that Melina's a tough negotiator?
You gave her my cards?
You gave her all my cards, all of them? Every single one?
Think back, Dad a minute ago-- how proud you were of me.
You know, I am proud of you, son.
This is a very impressive collection.
Dad!
And I'm sure it's going to be worth a small fortune someday.
I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it!
Hey.
This what you came for, paperboy?
Sam...
What?
And in the category of most embarrassing moment of my life
we have a winner.
Back off, tiger.
Um, can you come out? We need to talk.
Can I, Mom? Please?
Lizzie, I don't know if you should.
Mom, please?
Please, please, please, please, please?
Just, just take care of yourself, okay?
Okay, this is weirder
than even their normal weirdness.
Oh, man.
Our daughter's about to have her heart broken.
What? Who?
Where? Nobody ever tells me anything.
He just said, "We need to talk."
Those are the four most horrible words
in the English language.
Nothing good ever follows, "We need to talk."
I don't know if you celebrate Valentine's Day
but I was just saying in case you do.
Okay.
I know it's, like, totally doofy and everything
but, you know, there are all these cards and stuff...
Lizzie, something's happened.
What is it? Is it bad?
I don't know.
I...
I'm not, I'm not sure about some stuff.
Uh-huh?
See, it turns out that
there's this girl at my school who likes me.
She's right there and everything...
I just don't know
if right now's the best time for me to have a girlfriend.
Oh.
This really, really hurts.
You like her, too?
Well, you know, yeah.
But I still like you.
Maybe I shouldn't have given you that ring.
But you can keep it if you want.
No, no.
I bought it for you.
That's okay.
I don't want it.
Um, we can still be friends, can't we?
Lizzie.
I'm really sorry.
Lizzie?
I should go talk to her, right?
There's nothing we can say.
Is there a confetti shortage?
Not anymore.
Missed you at lunch today.
I'm not very hungry.
They had the big chocolate chip cookies.
I got you one.
Thanks.
Ronny broke up with me.
He's a loser.
No, Gordo, I'm the loser, okay?
He likes another girl.
She's probably prettier than me
and she's probably smarter than me
and she's probably a lot more fun than I am.
No, she's not.
How do you know?
Because there's nobody prettier than you
or more fun to be with.
You forgot smarter.
Yeah, well, I was including myself in that one.
I feel so awful.
Yeah, I know, but you'll get over it whereas that guy--
he's going to realize what an idiot he was.
He's going to feel awful for the rest of his life.
You're such a good friend, Gordo.
Yeah, well, uh...
What?
Gordo, what?
Uh, nothing.
"A" camera mark.
"B" camera mark.
She took my doughnut!
That's okay, it's just a family heirloom.
You okay?
Anything I say can
and will be used against me in a court of law.
Melina wants freshly-baked brownies for breakfast today.
For dinner today.
Melina wants freshly-baked brownies for lunch...
No!
Dad!