"The girl behind the brown door."
Doesn't have the same ring to it.
- Hey, Brooke, how you doing? BROOKE: Yeah.
I'm just watching a teamster paint my adolescence a fugly shade of brown.
Oh. I guess there's a lot of memories here for you.
You could say that.
In high school this was Lucas's bedroom.
Mm. Now that that's burned into my brain...
...how we doing on the wardrobe choices for scene 23?
The big love scene.
Slinky, off-the-shoulder, tight and revealing.
Nice. I knew hiring you as costume designer was the right move.
Thank you.
Let me see them on her before I make a decision.
So speaking of high-school memories...
You know Haley and Quinn organized that fundraiser at Tree Hill High tonight...
...and I just wanted to tell you, in case you were thinking it'd be weird to go...
...not that you would, but if you did, it wouldn't.
We shoot our first scenes tomorrow, and I got a million things to do.
Besides, you know what a geek I was. You've seen my yearbook photo.
Yeah, that's burned into my brain.
Exactly.
The day I graduated I swore I'd never go back.
You have fun, though. I'll see you tomorrow?
See you tomorrow.
[RATTLING]
[DOOR JIGGLING]
Clay, I'm here for my morning laps.
I even shaved certain areas to cut down on my time.
And yours.
Ugh. Just go away already.
Ugh. Don't tell me you're in there with that miserable slag again.
[GASPS]
Sorry.
I'm such a slag.
Guys, it's a little early to be surfing for porn.
- Don't ever say that. JUNK: Don't even think it.
We're not looking at porn. Yet.
We're changing your life.
"CantWaitToFindADate. Com."
- Seriously? JUNK: The best way to get over Millie...
...is to get right back on the horse. A hot, naked, made-to-order horse.
And all you have to do is describe your perfect woman.
Hey, man. Morning.
Morning?
Where the hell are we?
We left that event early so we could make it back to Tree Hill by morning.
Yeah. Right after you fell asleep last night, it started raining.
- Yeah? - Really hard.
- And? - One might even call it a deluge.
Clay.
I missed the exit...
...and drove a few hours in the wrong direction.
But we're a couple hundred miles outside of Tree Hill and we're driving a Corvette.
We'll be home faster than you can say "Yao Ming."
[TIRES POP]
[AIR HISSING]
Yao Ming.
[CLAY SIGHS]
So we'll get home this afternoon.
Clay, there was a reason I had to be home this morning.
HALEY: Here I come.
I hope you guys are ready for me.
[FOOTSTEPS]
Bacon, crispy. Eggs, scrambled.
- Milk, chocolate. - Hey.
[HALEY SNAPS FINGERS]
Besides "please" and "thank you," do you have anything else you would like to say?
Uh, pancakes, blueberry?
I can't believe it.
They fricking forgot my birthday.
NATHAN: Haley, my phone's about to die. Everything's fine, we're having car trouble.
So I don't know when we're gonna make it home, but Haley...
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
- Happy birthday. - Well...
...according to Gomer Pyle...
...they don't got no fancy car tires...
...so they gotta tow it to Mount Pilot.
They'll have it back by tonight.
Tonight? Come on. I gotta get a hold of Haley.
I always go big for her birthday. She'll be expecting something.
- Let me use your phone. - Yeah, sure.
It's in the car.
Hey, Alex, I just got the gold script revisions...
...but I don't see any changes.
- Because there aren't any. - Then why'd we put out pages?
I wasn't gonna let the final script color be salmon. Puke.
[CHUCKLES]
Okay.
Hey, so I saw you talking to Brooke earlier.
She practically begged you to go.
Not quite. I think she said it wouldn't be weird if I went.
Trust me, she wants you to go.
I think she was just being polite. It's...
It's been weird since the break-up. Since when are you pro Brooke and Julian?
Oh, I'm a total "Brulian" fan now.
One of the steps of recovery is to make amends for all the wrongs you've done.
- You still have time to be in the movie? - Shut up.
Why are we eating with the nice plates?
We only do that on holidays and stuff.
I don't know. Maybe it's the birth of a new day.
Are you feeling all right?
Yeah.
Listen, Quinn and I have to leave to set up...
...so Junk and Fergie are gonna come over to babysit, okay?
You get those guys when you can't find anyone.
Not true. You have fun with Junk and Fergie.
Besides, the two of them equals one responsible adult.
I'm not a baby anymore. I'm old enough to stay home by myself.
Heh-heh. I'm old enough to get arrested for endangerment.
Which would be my third strike, by the way. Fourth.
[DOOR OPENS]
Morning, Jamie.
Hey, little sis, it's the big day.
HALEY: Oh, it's no big deal.
QUINN: Of course it is.
Today's the day we rescue the endangered arts program.
- What could be bigger than that? - I can't think of a thing.
And since the theme is Return to the '80s...
...I get to fulfill my lifelong dream: I'm crimping my hair.
While that is very '80s, you need to rethink your goals.
- Hm. - We might be flying solo tonight.
I got a message from Nathan and Clay.
- They're having some car trouble. - Really?
Wanna bet that's a ploy to get out of wearing parachute pants?
I'm gonna go crimp my hair.
Okay.
Yeesh.
I'll have my margarita blended, no salt.
Ha, ha.
I'm thinking about wearing this to the '80s dance tonight.
Huh. What a coincidence.
I learned everything I know about fashion from Miami Vice.
- You were born in the wrong decade. - Yeah, perhaps.
But I do make the perfect date.
Eh?
And by "date," I just mean a guy who wants to go strictly as friends.
Yeah. L...
I'm just not sure that's really a good idea.
The best way for me to meet a hot girl is to have another one on my arm.
It's like a magnet.
You'd be doing me a favor.
Okay.
We will go as friends.
Okay, cool. I'll pick you up at 7.
Oh, and by the way, for the whole magnet thing to work...
...l'm gonna need you to salvage that train wreck.
Quinn? Quinny, are you up there?
She's pimping her hair.
I hope you mean "crimping."
Listen, I have to go run some errands, okay?
Please remind Quinn to stay until Junk and Fergie get here.
- Sure. - Okay.
Love you, baby. Have fun tonight.
I will.
Hey, was your mom looking for me?
She wanted to tell you she's gonna pick up Junk and Fergie and you can leave.
Okay.
Okay, little bro.
No hard feelings.
You believe that? Jamie just canceled on us.
He said they went in another direction.
- That's cold, man. - Yeah.
All right. Where were we?
Let's see.
"Must be a local girl.
Hair color, blond. Eyes, blue."
Rocking bod.
Don't be shallow. Give her an IQ of at least 100.
And a good sense of humor.
That should be everything.
Come on, where's our perfect woman?
See, guys, that's just it, I've been going along with this...
...to show you that the woman doesn't exist.
Unless she does. We found a match.
She lives in Tree Hill. And she's searching for a nice guy.
- Who's nicer than you, Mouth? - There's no photo.
Of course not.
That's because she is probably a he.
Okay, delete my profile. This was a bad idea.
Hey, I know you wanna get home as soon as possible...
...so I think I found us a ride back to Tree Hill.
Oh, thank God.
Don't thank him just yet. Wait until you see the ride.
Another five minutes, you were giving me a piggy-back ride.
Funny you should say that, actually.
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
[PIGS GRUNTING]
CLAY: The driver says they're real friendly.
NATHAN: You've gotta be kidding me.
I wish I were.
You boys getting in or what?
You're about to see just how much I love my wife.
Hello? Is anyone home?
I'm all alone in the house?
I'm all alone in the house.
Sweet.
[CLAY SIGHS]
I feel bad, man.
Because I love bacon.
And I love pork chops.
And I love ham, you know?
But then I met you.
Now I'm conflicted.
I know you're falling in love with that pig, but can we talk about something else?
Sure. Ahem.
What'd you have planned for Haley's birthday?
Jamie and I bought a ton of decorations. We were gonna do up the whole house.
Sounds nice.
I was gonna make pork ribs.
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
MAN 1: What's going on up there? MAN 2: Come on.
- What's going on? - Well, the bridge is out.
Probably flooded from the deluge we had last night.
- Ah. What did I tell you? - Ain't nobody going nowhere for a while.
Do you have a map?
Thanks. Okay, we are...
Okay, we're here.
And if we just hike a few miles north, then we'll make it to the next highway...
...we can hitch a ride home.
I don't know about that, man.
You know, maybe we should just wait.
Because, what if we get lost?
Dude, I'm like a human compass, okay? Come on.
That'll do, pigs.
That'll do.
Wait up.
HALEY: Hey, Q.
Somebody wrote "slut" all over your car in lipstick.
- It's gonna be a bitch getting that off. - You're right. Her name's Kylie.
Oh.
Hey, Grubbs. Thank you so much for tending bar tonight.
It's no problem.
In high school, I was kind of a band geek.
It's nice to come back as a cool bartender.
As a moderately cool bartender.
It's nice to come back as a bartender?
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Can you guys kick in for the pizza for once?
I am unemployed, you know.
Hi, I'm Kylie.
Which one of you little maniacs is Marvin McFadden?
Uh, that's me.
I'm here for our date.
I think there's been a mistake.
Your profile said that you're tall and thin, with a good body and really big...
...hands.
Oh, my.
I hear there's a dance at the school. Do you wanna go?
No.
Well, I mean, yes, but... Ahem. It's just that...
Why are you on a dating site?
You could get a date with anyone.
You're not, like, a dude, are you?
Satisfied?
ALL: Yeah.
Aah!
[GROANS]
Oh, no. It's Mom's birthday.
I just wanna say how grateful I am that you're all taking this ride with me.
Now, let's go make someone's favorite movie.
It sounded better in my head.
Don't worry, I'll start the slow clap if no one else does.
What are you still doing here?
Well, you spent the entire day making everyone else feel ready for tomorrow.
How do you feel?
Nervous. L...
I've been around movie sets, but I've never been in the director's chair.
I was pretty nervous too for my first big part.
But I just kept asking myself, "How would Julia Roberts do it?"
She's my favorite actress.
So who's your favorite director?
John Hughes.
You know, Ferris Bueller, Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles.
Those weren't just movies about teenagers.
They were about the struggle everyone has to find themselves.
Talk about a director with a clear vision.
I'd like to make a movie half as good as his.
Then why don't you take a cue from John Hughes?
Clear your vision.
Take the night off and come to the school.
Maybe even dance with Brooke.
I don't know, Alex. Um...
I'd have to find an outfit from the '80s.
Actually, I've got that covered.
I thought you might change your mind.
But just so we're clear, this is not a date.
It's not even date-ish.
Not bad.
[ENGINE REVS]
Brooke Davis.
Stunning in any decade.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Hi, everyone.
Thank you so much for coming out and supporting the arts.
Woo-hoo!
So please, everyone, give what you can and have a gnarly, totally tubular time.
[CROWD CHUCKLES]
Um... Oh, where's the beef?
Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Cheap Trick.
[CHEERING]
[PLAYING "I WANT YOU TO WANT ME"]
[SINGING] I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me
You notice how Kylie smelled like strawberries?
Yeah.
Huh.
Mouth totally owes us.
[CELL PHONE CHIMING]
Ooh.
It's a text from Haley.
"How's it going with Jamie?"
If you say that you love me
Didn't I, didn't I Didn't I see you cryin'?
Oh, didn't I, didn't I Didn't I see you cryin'?
Feelin' all alone without a friend You know you feel like dyin'
Alexander Coyne, this is Haley James Scott.
Hey, I'm a big fan.
Oh, thanks, I am too, of your detective work with Tubbs.
[HALEY LAUGHS]
You know, this is a big night for Haley.
When we were in high school...
...she was always trying to bring back the '80s fashion.
- You got your wish. - I did, I did.
Um, excuse me.
Okay.
Grubbs, make me something strong.
What, do you need to see my ID?
Grubbs, you flatter me.
Wow. I had no idea.
You're 5-foot-4.
[CHUCKLES]
Ahh. Good talk, Grubbs.
[CLATTERING]
[DOOR RATTLING]
I swear I'm gonna kill that kid.
[SINGING] Mother told me Yes, she told me
I'd meet girls like you
She also told me, "Stay away You'll never know what you'll catch"
But just the other day I heard of a soldier's falling off
Some Indonesian junk
So your profile said you like to dance.
Maybe after a few more drinks.
Mommy's all right Daddy's all right
I'll be right back.
What her profile should have said is, "Like Millie on steroids."
But don't give yourself away
Ay
It took me four hours to get the smoothie out of my hair, bitch.
I'm the one who has to drive a car with "slut" written all over it.
I was just trying to increase your chances of getting rear-ended.
Look, I'm sorry, okay?
I shouldn't have poured smoothie on you. I apologize.
Truce?
How American of you to pick a fight you can't win.
Just so you know, Clay told me that he didn't believe in love.
So good luck with that.
I've known her all these years
Mommy's all right Daddy's all right
They just seem a little weird
Surrender, surrender
But don't give yourself away
NATHAN: Highway's this way, I think. CLAY: Look on the bright side, Nate.
If we actually live through this thing, think of the endorsement deals.
On GPS units alone. "I never would've gotten lost, if it had only been..."
Shut up. Please shut up.
- Just trying to make conversation. - That's the thing, you're always talking.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't realize that the human compass needed complete silence to concentrate.
You know, maybe we should have stayed with the pigs.
Because it seems to me that you've gotten us lost.
Me?
We wouldn't even be here right now if you hadn't insisted on driving to Atlanta.
If you hadn't have missed Tree Hill...
...if you hadn't driven over those spikes, I would be home right now, Clay.
I'm on the road for half the year...
...the least I can do is be home for my wife's birthday.
- Nate, I know Haley. She'll understand. - Well, she shouldn't have to.
You'd know if you were ever married.
Yeah, you're right. I guess I would have.
- I'm going this way. - Clay, that's not the right way.
Yeah, I know, you're the human compass.
Just do whatever the hell you want.
I'm going this way.
[GROANS]
JULIAN: It's amazing how you can enter the building a functioning adult...
...and immediately revert to the geek you were.
I'll tell you a secret.
I was a geek too.
I wore headgear until my sophomore year.
There she is.
So, geek, why don't you take a chance and ask the popular girl to dance?
Because the popular girl's already here with somebody else.
I'm sure it's not what it looks like.
It's okay, it wouldn't be the '80s without a cameo by Crocodile Dundee.
I just wish he wasn't with Brooke.
Of course he showed up with Alex.
It's a retro dance, after all, why should I expect anything new?
ALEX: Just go talk to her.
We might be in a high school, but we're not in high school.
Come on.
They're coming. Let's hide.
Correction, we're definitely back in high school.
Don't give yourself away
Surrender
Just, uh... Hey, grab that flowerpot. We're gonna have to break a window.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[JAMIE YELLING]
FERGIE: I'm hit. I'm hit. JUNK: Hold up.
FERGIE: My back.
JUNK: Hold up, hold up, hold up.
Jamie. Wait, it's us.
Oh, hey, guys. Sorry. Are you gonna tell my parents?
What, that we were stupid enough to fall for your little prank?
Not if you don't.
Okay, deal.
But I need your help.
- My locker was down there. - Mine was over here.
Do you remember when Lucas pimped it out the first day of senior year?
I wonder if the combination still works.
- Brooke Davis. - What?
[BROOKE GASPS]
Shut up, that's so bad.
Ohh.
HALEY: Looks like she really loves him.
Do you ever think things were simpler then?
What, the love triangle between you, Lucas and Peyton? No.
No.
Yeah.
I guess love's never simple.
All right.
What happened with you and Julian?
I do not understand why you're not together.
He's here with Alex.
So are you, the boy version.
That's different.
He made it clear that she's his priority, and I think he has feelings for her.
Whether or not he admits that...
...I can't be the girl who's with the guy who's in love with someone else.
Not again.
KYLIE: Tell me about it.
Hey, is there some place around here a girl can lie down?
Because I just need a little rest.
Oh, this'll do.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, ugh, I just need a little break.
- [MOUTHS] Who is she? - [WHISPERS] I don't know.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Okay, just, um...
You take care.
[GROANS]
Ow.
Ow. Wait.
Ow.
[YAWNS]
[IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT] Good day, mate. What can I get you?
No, let me guess, Foster's.
Yeah. Uh...
Hey, I guess it's weird for you that I'm here with Brooke.
But, you know, just for the record, I'm actually a nice guy.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Okay, nice guy. Well, also for the record...
...if you ever hurt her, I will hunt you down across the outback.
And I'm not talking about the steak house.
Although I will hunt you down there as well.
Fair enough.
Well, uh, thanks for the beer, mate.
I wouldn't last five minutes in the outback.
KYLIE: Hey, can you help?
My hair's stuck in the bloody door.
How did that happen?
Actually, I don't wanna know.
- Never mind, I'll go find someone... - No, don't go.
I'm sorry I was such a bitch before.
It's okay.
No, it's not.
It...
It's just...
...Clay told me that he didn't believe in love.
And then you come along.
And I realized what he really meant...
...was that he didn't believe in love with someone like me.
Kylie, there's more to it than that.
No.
Guys see me as a body.
Someone to shag.
I'm lucky if they even buy me breakfast.
Here.
[KYLIE CLEARS THROAT]
Cut it.
No way.
It's just hair. It's gonna grow back.
No, you're drunk. And why do you have scissors in your purse?
I was gonna slash your tires.
Oh.
Just cut my hair, you bitch.
Plus, it will still smell like strawberries anyway.
NATHAN: I can't believe it. You were right.
Yeah, imagine that.
It'd be nice if you gave me the benefit instead of just the doubt.
You're right, man. I was...
I was out of line back there. I'm sorry.
Nate, there's something I've never told you.
And I don't know why I've never told you, but I just didn't.
I used to be married.
Before you and I met.
Her name was Sara.
Right. She leave you after you started sleeping with all those women?
No, actually, she died.
Jeez, Clay.
I'm sorry, man. I thought...
I thought you were joking.
Why didn't you ever tell me this?
I was your agent.
And then you became my friend.
Look, I know that I should have told you a long time ago, but...
I'm telling you now because I get how hard it is for you...
...being away from Haley so much.
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
- Clay. - Slow, slow, slow. No, no, no.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Ah! Don't hurt me.
No, we're not gonna hurt you.
My friend, you see, he's been wandering through the woods for the entire day.
All he wants to do is get back to Tree Hill...
...so he can spend the next few hours with his wife to celebrate her birthday.
You're Nathan Scott.
You're a basketball fan, huh?
Well, I do live in North Carolina, honey.
I can take you back to Tree Hill.
But I only have room for one.
Tell Haley I said happy birthday.
- No way I'm leaving you out here. - That's okay, I'll catch the next ride.
- Clay, come on. - Nate, go be home with your wife.
Go.
Thanks.
[SIGHS]
Tell me you didn't kill that nice lady and dump her body.
There's no way I can spin that.
No, I just bought her car.
Get in. Let's go home.
It's funny.
I always had a thing for the guys in shop class.
What happened to your date?
Come on, we're just friends.
Ah, the irony is palpable.
You know I wasn't trying to make you jealous, right?
You said you weren't coming, so...
...why did you?
It was a misguided attempt to find some clarity...
...on the night before the biggest day of my professional life.
But going back to high school just makes me feel like a geek.
Not exactly a confidence booster.
Well, I've seen my share of '80s movies, and if I've learned anything...
...it's that nothing boosts confidence like a kiss from the cheerleader.
I'll see you at work tomorrow.
You're gonna do great.
Hey, Brooke?
This isn't gonna be easy, is it?
You and I being friends.
No.
But it's better than not being in each other's lives at all.
[PLAYING "SMILE"]
[SINGING] My darling little ones Can you hear me?
I'll know in my heart When you need me
I'll always be there When you want me to
Hey there.
I'm Alexander.
You have any idea where our dates are?
- Hopefully somewhere together. - And that doesn't bother you?
Some advice, from one Alex to another.
Don't fall in love with Brooke Davis.
Those two are gonna end up together, even if they don't know it yet.
Okay. How do you know it?
Brooke still loves Julian.
And I know because so do I.
Well, whose car is this?
It's yours.
Happy birthday, Hales.
[SIGHS]
MOUTH: It's not that bad.
Bollocks. It looks bloody awful.
But you have been a trouper.
So we can go and have a shag.
I can't believe I'm actually gonna say this, but I can't.
I mean, I can, but we can't.
Right.
So your flat or mine?
No, I'm serious.
It's not that I don't want to. Believe me, I do.
It's just my ex-girlfriend, who is also my roommate...
It's messy.
But we could go get some pancakes, maybe soak up some of that alcohol.
Your profile was right.
You are a nice guy.
It's good to know there are still a few out there.
Thank you.
Hey.
MOUTH: You ready to move on?
Yeah.
When I see you smile, my love
I just can't hide my love
When you call out my name
- I'm sorry I missed your dance. - It's okay.
- This is where you went to school, huh? - Yeah.
- Show me around? - Okay.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[GASPS]
Well, I guess Junk and Fergie actually did a good job.
Maybe we should bump them up on the babysitting list.
- Let's get him to bed. - Okay.
[NATHAN GRUNTS]
Happy birthday, Mama.
Thank you, baby.
When I see you smile
What are you gonna wish for?
I already have everything I ever wanted.
So I just wanna say how grateful I am that you're all taking this ride with me.
So let's make someone's favorite movie.
WOMAN: All right. MAN: All right. Nice going.
Okay, places everyone.
FIRST AD: Picture's up.
Roll camera.
CAMERAMAN: We're rolling.
SOUNDMAN: Speeding.
LOADER: Scene 34, take one.
And action.
[ENGLISH - US - SDH]