Oh, Dorian.
I know about the plebiscite.
Sorry? Plebiscite?
You and Lloyd have been burrowing around in college history,
hoping to find a way to abolish the Dandelion Club.
When I was seven I came home to find them both screwing the gardener
at the same time, which was in a way quite refreshing.
You don't know what they're doing to me. I am breaking up with you.
You have no idea what the Dandelion Club stands for, how much it matters.
I love you. I really love you.
I'm offering you a life line.
We are sending you an envoy.
This is a new start for the Project,
and we wish everything to go smoothly this time.
The Winter Ball -
the Dandelion Club President is meant to pick his Queen in advance.
How about it?
Yes.
Why do the Americans need to send an envoy?
Let's concentrate on our work, Linus,
so that when he arrives, he'll give us a glowing report.
Why are they interested in Charlotte Arc?
Ours is not to reason why.
Ours is but to do or....
Are they going to hurt her?
No.
How do you know? Is it something to do with Richard?
The things I know and the things you do not know...
..could fill a small library.
Right...stitch him up.
And, Linus, give him a shave so he looks nice when our visitor arrives.
Hi. Just knocking on doors, asking a few questions.
OK.
Do you have a date for the ball? Yes.
Do you want to go to the ball with one of us...instead?
Er...no. OK.
If your date stands you up, or falls ill...
Or dies.
..would you be interested in going with one of us as second choice?
Still no.
So, who are you going with?
Dorian!
Dandelion Club or no Dandelion Club,
I'm taking you at the ball tonight, Charlotte Arc.
You mean TO the ball.
Same difference.
What was that for?
Look at you two!
You know me, hate to interrupt.
Charlotte, could you give us a minute?
Family chat.
You made me split up with Theo for the honour of the family.
You said it had to be done.
Now, two weeks later you're all gooey over his plebby best friend.
It's completely different. I'm not getting married, you are.
I have feelings.
You never used to, and you were much more fun.
Honestly, Ros.
Ever since you and Man Friday parted company,
it's like you've been on a permanent rag week.
I won't let you do this, Dorian.
I'm pretty sure there's nothing you can do about it. Watch and learn.
Arsehole.
Dorian? I can't believe she's going to the ball with that prick.
How come I'm always the last to find out?
Maybe because she knew you'd go Godzilla on her? Come on, Mads.
It is mad! If became Student Rep,
she would be in the process of abolishing the Dandelion Club.
Instead, she's dating its President.
She likes him. Yeah.
Like I said, mad.
Anyway, I guess it's just you and me then, eh?
Two lonely singletons together on ball night.
Yeah. You might want to watch out.
Few drinks down me, you never know what could happen.
Oh-ho! Don't you get any ideas! Watch it, you!
That would be funny! Me and you! Imagine that!
Let me guess. Jazz musician. You're playing at the ball.
Right on, my friend. I saw your sax case.
I love all those old jazz dudes, you know.
Dizzie Gillespie, Charlie Parker.
Why don't you join us after your set for a drink? I'll check you out.
Did I just hear you say that he's performing tonight?
Yeah.
Should be fun.
Hi, we where wondering whether you'd like
to go to the ball tonight with one of us.
Er...which one of you? Him.
No. Me? No.
♪ Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do
♪ I'm half crazy
♪ All for the love of you
♪ It won't be a stylish marriage
I received a letter from my VP, Jonty Millingden.
He's gone travelling for a few months, so won't be in college.
His boyfriend's death hit him hard.
I believe he's doing some volunteer work on the Ivory Coast.
He's working on the plantations - shunting cocoa.
Sorry. Shouldn't make light of it.
Moving on, we've opened up some of the old rooms for tonight's ball
and...
Oh! Our Student Rep. How kind of you to join us, Rosalind.
Warden.
Dr M.
Gabe.
Would you like to sit down?
Ever the gentleman.
Rosalind! Now, I've had the most wonderful time being Student Rep.
Sitting in a room listening to you people drone on was...an experience.
The one time I came.
But all good things must come to an end,
so I've decided that, after four weeks of dutiful service,
it's time to bid you all adieu.
So...goodbye.
I'm...resigning.
What's wrong with you lot?
When the Student Rep resigns,
the position passes to the runner-up in the election.
Which means...
It's Charlotte, and she has the power to abolish the Dandelion Club!
Charlotte?
Hi.
We were wondering whether you'd like
to come to the ball tonight with one of us?
No.
'I'll do a deal with you.'
I'll make sure Charlotte leaves the Dandelion Club alone.
In exchange for what?
You tell me what you're hiding.
Look at you!
So wrapped up in your little conspiracy theories
that you'd sacrifice all your principles
to solve a mystery that doesn't exist.
Deal or no deal? No deal.
That's interesting because I know that you love the Dandelion Club
more than anything,
and yet you'd prefer I abolished it to telling me your secrets.
What are you hiding, Edmund?
God, you're a boring woman.
Maybe the secret has something to do with the Dandelion Club.
You're a member, Richard was a member.
Ross Bonham. Well, who knows?
If the club is abolished, then maybe it will become clear.
Can't wait.
We have to act fast.
You're shagging the little Arc girl, aren't you?,
How do you know? I know everything.
I've got a lot on my plate at the moment
and I need to trust you now, Dorian.
Sort it out.
I think you may have the wrong room.
Oh, I don't think so. Guard the Project,
Protect the Dandelion Club.
I gotta say...it amuses me.
Here we got the Project. Hundreds of people working around the globe
to save the world as we know it.
Billions of dollars of investment.
And who does it all come down to?
You guys.
An old man and a hobbit goofing around in a cellar
in the middle of Shitshire.
Pretty funny, huh?
Forgive me if I fail to see the humour.
Jeez, lighten up!
How's Lancelot? The signs are good.
We hope the new hourglass will control his growth successfully.
Mr Pearce, can I ask why exactly you are here?
It's been some fall.
You had, what, a break-in?
You lost the hourglass? One of your experiments turned up in the river?
Me? I'm here to check on your security.
Then I'll deal with the Charlotte Arc problem and be on my merry way.
What is the Charlotte Arc problem? I'll need to commandeer her.
I'm afraid that's out of the question. Just for a few hours.
I'll need her to myself.
Somewhere secluded. Down here will be perfect.
Why?
You can't hurt her.
Well, technically, I can.
If the mood takes me.
You see, professor, I'm in the business of extracting information.
I think there's been some mistake.
You see, Charlotte's father Richard was my colleague.
When he left the Project, he swore never
to reveal what he knew about work.
We, in turn, promised to protect him and his family.
Nobody said anything about this to me.
Seriously, professor, I just follow orders.
So the Warden's going to want you to abolish the Dandelion Club,
but if you do that,
then Dorian's not going to want to take you to the ball.
It's a tricky one. Seems pretty simple to me.
Well, it isn't.
We've been having a really nice time.
We talk in the evenings. We play hangman. We -
Lovehole! Please tell me you didn't let him have that!
Well, she will tonight!
Charlotte, abolishing the Dandelion Club would be the biggest thing
to happen in this college since forever.
How can you justify giving up a chance like that?
For love, stupid!
She doesn't like him that much. She might do.
Well, I bought a thong!
You bought a thong? Yeah, I bought two, actually.
One to wear to the ball and one to practise.
I bought a thong.
Oh.
Hi.
We were wondering whether you'd like
to go to the ball tonight with one of us?
No. No. Fuck off.
Hi. We were wondering whether you'd like
to come to the ball tonight with one of us?
No.
No!
Hi.
Maltravers wants me to charm you into leaving the club alone.
I said that would be a cinch.
Look...thing is...
Oh, shit.
Charlotte, if I could change who I was for you,
I would, I really would.
But if you try and abolish the club,
it's going to get fucking difficult for us.
Yeah, well, it was always going to be difficult.
Yes.
But when I say difficult, I mean if you do this...
Charlotte, I like you. I really do.
Yeah. I like you too.
And I've been thinking about this all morning... No, don't say it.
Ah!
I'll be the President who ran the club into the ground.
Father will disinherit me.
I'll be the kid with a plummy voice and no money to back it up.
Dorian...
I'm not going to do it.
Sorry? I'm not going to abolish your club.
Brilliant. Why?
Why? I don't know. Because of you, I suppose! What do you mean, 'Why?'
Well, you know...I was worried...
..with your principles and stuff.
Did you really do it because of me?
What?
'This last door, then it's every girl in college.'
Hi. Do you have a date for the ball?
Er...
Er...do you want to come to the ball...with us?
Ball?
Ah, ball! Ball!
Yes! Ball! Yes.
Yes.
Pick you up at er...seven?
Seven?
Seven, seven, seven, seven.
Yes! OK, Seven.
Seven!
They probably have loads of, like, kung fu sex moves!
And and afterwards, they can cook us noodles.
Oh, Raj, this is amazing!
I thought we were going to go alone to the ball
and we were never going to have sex.
And now we definitely are.
I'm concerned about Mr Pearce.
He wants to harm Charlotte Arc. Where those your instructions?
'Mr Pearce is authorised
'to take measures he considers necessary to our objective.'
What about the promise?
When Richard Arc left us,
he swore never to reveal what he knew of our work.
We in turn promised to protect him and his family.
We expect complete co-operation.
Without Richard sacrifice, the Project would amount to nothing.
We have failed to protect him.
I find it unfortunate that we should now place his daughter
in the care of a sociopath like your most respected envoy.
Guard the Project. Protect the Dandelion Club.
Just thought you might like to know.
No need to worry about the plebby thing. Charlotte's not up for it.
She must like you. I'm very handsome and I fuck like a champ.
You don't seem too overjoyed.
You've done a fine job. Well done. Now, bugger off.
Well, I'm confused
because up until a few weeks ago, you were all for abolishing the Dandelion Club.
I'm young. I can change my mind.
What happened between me and your father was many years ago
and I'm sorry - It's nothing to do with that.
I don't believe you. I think you're
letting this personal issue between us cloud your judgment
and I'm going to let you decide where your priorities lie.
In your own words, Charlotte:
'The Dandelion Club is an affront to any right thinking citizen
'of the 21st century...' Please don't.
'a blight not just on this college, but upon democracy
'and our country's traditions of tolerance -'
For Christ's sake, stop it, will you?!
I have the right to make my own decision!
You can't just tell me what to do!
You're not my mother. Might have been a close-run thing...but you're not!
So just butt out!
The Arc girl...
I'll wait until the ball gets started.
Should be easier to separate her from her friends.
Seems sensible.
You worry too much about the rights and wrongs.
The decision comes from above.
There's nothing we can do about it.
As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods. Hm.
Glass of port?
I hear you're quite the connoisseur.
My reputation precedes me.
Have a biscuit, they're awfully good. Especially the Jaffa Cakes.
These are uncertain times, Professor.
The rules have changed.
Someone out there knows about the Project and doesn't seem to like us.
Well, you know what I'm talking about. Someone smashed up your link.
Well, we seem to be coping.
So far.
People are talking about moles on the inside.
Trust is at a low ebb. You're not putting anything in that port, are you?
A low ebb, indeed.
There you are.
I'm from the Project! You can't just...
Oh, yes, I can, Mr Pearce. Believe me.
I can.
Ugh!
Argh!
'This Project was founded by good men.
'Over time we have, granted, been required
'to operate in areas of moral shade
'to proceed according to our own rules.
This was necessary, given the urgent nature of our collective goal.
Have you lost your mind?
The point about working to your own rules, Mr Pearce,
is you have to stick to them. Otherwise, it's anarchy.
We're reduced to the level of animals.
I made Richard Arc a promise.
I'm a foot soldier. I do what I'm told.
I came here to carry out a mission,
and when I get out of here that's exactly what I'm going to do.
So confident.
You think you can keep me here?
What do you think Command's gonna do to you when they don't hear from me?
Clue professor: they're not gonna bake you a cake!
Charlotte Arc knows nothing.
For you want to interrogate her makes no sense.
To you maybe. But there's a lot you don't know. A lot.
That speaker behind you gives out bursts of high-intensity sound
quite precisely to the resonating frequencies of human body tissue.
It then gives you a sensation of excruciating pain.
You're gonna torture me?
'You're going to tell me why you're here.'
You're going to tell me what you want with Charlotte Arc.
It's classified.
Argh!
Ahh! Ugh!
You know what they're going to do to you,
when they find out you tortured me, You crazy old man?
They're gonna kill you!
Crazy!
He's crazy! You've got to help me.
Help!
Argh!
Ugh!
I was friends with your father.
Angela wasn't the first woman Richard cheated with.
If I'm honest, few of us even knew your mum existed.
It must be hard, knowing your father wasn't a saint.
But punishing others for his mistakes won't help anything.
You should call the plebiscite. Yeah.
Actually it's not about that.
Look, two weeks ago I found out that my Dad was a cheat and a liar.
And for two weeks - without him hanging over me -
my life has been normal.
I've hung out with my friends,
I've got drunk...
and I'm going to the ball with the President of the Dandelion Club.
Dorian?
Well, that I didn't know.
Yeah. So you can tell the Warden that it's nothing personal.
You're not going to abolish the Dandelion Club
because a boy asked you out. Oh, yeah, that's it.
Yeah, I'm just a silly little girl.
Or maybe, for once, I'm just doing something for myself.
I was once going to ask a girl out.
To the cinema.
I really fancied her.
But when I finally got round to it,
it turned out your dad had secretly got in there some way before me.
I was furious. I screamed at him.
He knew I liked her. And I remember he said to me, 'Gabriel,
'it's just one girl.'
In the next 20 years, you and I could change the world.'
Your Dad could be a selfish bastard,
but at least he had his priorities in order.
Aye?
Ah. Ha ha ha!
James Bond, eat your heart out!
Whoo-hoo-hoo! What's this?
When I was 12, my sister brought home a magazine.
Every week it featured a sexual position of the week.
and stuck it in this scrapbook.
So that when I finally did have sex...with a girl,
I would be the greatest lover that the world has ever known.
And you're letting me see it?
Yes, so that tonight, compared to all other virgins in the world,
we will be the best at sex.
I recommend the French Hens, The Lotus,
the Piledriver, and the Giant Squid.
Thanks.
Read well.
Read well, my friend.
Argh!
Tell me why you are here.
Edmund, stop!
What are you doing? I'm not answering to some American yob.
How dare they send this bastard here!
This is madness. They're going to notice he's out of contact.
None of it makes any sense. It's not up to us to ask questions.
You're gonna risk everything because of a promise to a dead man?
Richard was my friend!
I'm going to see if I can get hold of Ravensby.
Maybe he can talk to somebody, Find out what's going on
and tell me. Watch him.
I say it myself, Charl, but it's looking good.
I am like a trained athlete,
reaching the peak of hotness just when it matters most. Eh, Charl?
What's wrong? Thinking about your thong?
I'll just be a second. OK?
Nice. Cheers, Charl. Thanks.
Hi.
That's not going to protect you.
It was my dad's Bible.
I know we weren't meant to meet till six-thirty.
It's just I was ready.
No, it's fine.
I actually have a little something for you.
Sit down.
The tiara of the Queen of the Ball.
And...
Dorian, they're gorgeous.
There are some earrings and bracelets, too,
but you, I think, look best without.
Beauty needs no orn... Dorian, I'm going to call the plebiscite.
I'm sorry? I've told the Warden. There's a council tomorrow.
I wish I could put it all to one side, and carry on and just have fun,
but I can't because I've got principles.
Principles. Don't give me that.
You and me are together. You promised.
This is betrayal. This is you being bad.
Dorian, I really like you.
You said this morning if you could change who you are, then you would.
Well, if you stayed a Dandelion, then we're just going to fall out,
but this way it could work -
No! No! Stop!
I lied, OK! I like who I am!
I'm the President of the Dandelion Club.
I protect a 600-year old legacy.
I'm not giving it up for an overgrown schoolgirl I've only shagged once.
Argh!
Fuck!
Ball?
Where is ball?
They're wearing tennis gear.
What do you think that means? I don't know, man.
But my favourite score in tennis is love-all.
♪ GEORGE MICHAEL: Flawless
♪ Absolutely flawless ♪ You're beautiful
♪ Take me ♪ Flawless
♪ Make me ♪ Absolutely flawless
♪ You're beautiful
♪ Maybe tonight
♪ They'll see you tonight
♪ Absolutely flawless
♪ You're beautiful...
Charlotte. You look beautiful. Thanks.
Don't party too hard, Charlotte. We need you on top form tomorrow.
You're doing the right thing, you know.
Yeah, well, enjoy your date.
Nice that you've got one.
♪ Waiting
♪ And it's no good, no good, no good
♪ Waiting
♪ You've got to go to the city
♪ Always the same
♪ Absolutely flawless Absolutely flawless
♪ Always the same dreams, yeah
♪ Always the same... ♪
What's happened to your Queen of the Ball, Dor?
We had a tiff.
Looks like I might be on the lookout for a royal mistress.
Raj and I were playing Metal Gear Solid, and he beat my high score.
And he was like, 'Loser' and I was like, 'No, you're the loser!'
High!
What Angus omits to mention is that I beat his high score left-handed.
Yeah, right!
So we were playing Crisis Warhead,
and Raj fell asleep and I beat him by loads.
Your boss, the professor,
was he good friends with this Richard Arc guy?
Richard and he were work partners in the early days of the Project.
They were very close.
And these subjects you test on - Ross, Jonty -
how many others were there?
Would you say they were your friends, Linus?
You work very closely with them. You get to know them very well.
And when they have to be terminated,
who has to do that? You.
It's you who suffers.
He off in his ivory tower, but you understand, don't you?
We all have to make sacrifices for the Project.
Charlotte Arc has nothing to do with anything.
As far as you know.
They're going to realise I'm missing, Cooper,
when I don't report back.
They're going to send people, people even I'm scared of.
Let me out now, and they'll know you had no part in this.
OK. Edmund too.
I'll even let the old man off.
No-one will get hurt, Linus, if you just open this damned door!
Come on, Cooper.
You'll be doing the old guy a favour.
If you don't do what you've promised -
Douche bag.
We're dancing with girls, Angus.
We're dancing with girls. Are you thinking...room time?
That is what I'm thinking.
Hey girls, we were thinking maybe you wanted to head back to ours.
We can get some wine, a little bit of doobage...you know...
Back to yours? Yeah!
Back to yours!
I'll get wine and glasses!
Do you have condoms? I have over four hundred.
You come with us.
We do nice things.
What?
Let's wait for Raj!
He is...knobhead.
What?
You look like Johnny Depp.
Such fun. It really was!
Whoa! Well, it's not every day you abolish the Dandelion Club.
Thanks to my diplomatic intervention.
What did you say to her?!
I don't know.
You brilliant man.
You brilliant, brilliant man!
Oh, no, no.
Gabe, I'm sorry, I...
I can't.
♪ Mellow Jazz
Thank you!
Thank you very much. Thank you very much.
That was awesome. Good stuff man!
Grab a seat. Oh, sure. Sure. Why not?
Right I'll get the drinks.
Come on.
♪ CURTIS MAYFIELD: Move On Up
She's hot.
But why do that to yourself?
I'd stick with the other chick.
The other one? Yeah, the girl getting the drinks.
Oh! You mean, Mads!
Nah, we're just mates.
Ho-ho! She likes you.
Go on. Make an old guy happy. Ask her to dance.
Here we go. Oh, sorry.
I got you two drinks, so you can get drunk and lose your inhibitions.
Cheers.
Do you wanna dance?
Yeah.
OK.
I like dancing.
Yeah.
So, the third member of the team.
I haven't had a chance to talk to you yet.
Hi. Charlotte.
Too much of anything is bad,
but too much champagne is just right.
Mark Twain.
Woman of my dreams.
What's the matter with you, Dor? Pining?
Don't be cruel, Luce.
Dorian's girlfriend is going to abolish his club tomorrow
and he's very upset about it.
You're going to be married in three weeks, and I hope he beats you.
Whatever.
Angus?
Shouldn't we wait for Raj?
He's a really good guy,
and he's a really big fan of group sex.
♪ PETER, BJORN AND JOHN: Young Folks
As big as me, at least.
Oh, aye.
Oh! Oh, aye.
We should wait for Raj.
Shouldn't we?
Angus?
I need to catch my breath.
There's a chill-out room somewhere.
Come on. Let's go.
You don't want anything to happen between them?
No, it's not that. It's just...she likes him more than he likes her.
Take some advice from a man of the world.
You need to have more fun.
Yeah, well, today hasn't been the best.
You know what?
Whatever it is that's bothering you,
I'm willing to bet, in a few hours time it won't seem so bad at all.
I'm going to smoke a cigarette.
I could use some company.
Yeah. Why not?
Sorry to interrupt.
Could I have silence, please?
I am President of the Dandelion Club,
and I still haven't danced with my Queen of the Ball
Something slow, please.
♪ BEACH BOYS: God Only Knows
I don't understand. Let's just...not talk about it.
Let it be, just for tonight.
I couldn't get hold of Ravensby.
Edmund, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
They would have had us killed. All that work we've done.
Don't do anything rash! You can't leave me!
Edmund, please!
Edmund!
Edmund, please!
Edmund!
Do you think we should we be leaving Charlotte alone?
Pearce will look after her. He seemed nice.
No, he is. Wise too.
Do you know what he told me. What?
He told me to stop worrying about Rosalind
and that there's plenty of better women out there.
Did he?
Did he give any examples?
Well, yeah. He gave one.
Oh.
Well, it seems he's very wise indeed then.
Get off me!
Oh, come on, now. I've fetched you about a dozen drinks.
Don't you think I deserve a reward? Can we just go back and dance?
Well, we could, if you weren't such a sexy little bitch.
Ha ha ha! Please...get off me.
Stop it! Get off!
Ugh! Get off.
Is everything all right?
Ah...
Look at this. Not Lord Lewisham?
Mate, I think she might be a bit drunk.
Don't get jealous, now. Look what happened to Othello.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Come on. Come on.
Listen, mate.
It's marked assault, so you might want to back away.
What's your shitting problem?
Bloody hell, Theo!
Theo? Are you OK?
Take me home.
I'm really sorry, Mads.
Come here.
OK.
♪ KOOKS: She Moves In Her Own Way
Where are you taking me?
So how does it work, this plebiscite?
I announce my decision at council, then I go onto the balcony
to tell the college about the vote.
Wow. So this time tomorrow, I could be out of a job.
And that will be it, will it? For us?
Look, Dorian, it doesn't have to be.
You know you're bigger than them, don't you?
You don't need the Dandelion Club.
You're impressive and handsome and clever.
Clever?
I love you.
D-D-Don't be silly.
I do. I love you.
And I'm sorry.
Sorry? Sorry for what?
OK, I think we're ready now.
W-W-What's going on?
Dorian don't do this. Don't do this!
I can't let you abolish my club.
Dorian, don't do this!
Dorian! You...
You bastard! Dorian!
You're a stoner and a dufus. You remind me of those American comedies
where two gormless idiots hang around together all the time
and have stupid conversations.
I have until mid afternoon to persuade you
that we are still an item.
Please I really, really need you to come through for me here.
This is life or death for me.
You killed their envoy. Have you gone utterly mad?
It was a good man Julius.
Fuck sake, Edmund, I will see you dead.
Come here.
One more death.
I'm ready.
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