Mikhail Afanasievich Bulgakov
The Master and Margarita
PART TWO
Comrade Poplavsky?
Yes! It's me.
A telegram for you...
HAVE JUST BEEN RUN OVER BY TRAM-CAR AT PATRIARCH'S 'PONDS
FUNERAL FRIDAY THREE PM COME. BERLIOZ.
...clear the area... citizens...
...Annushka... our Annushka. From Sadovaya...
...It's her work...
...She bought sunflower oil...
...and broke it on the turnstile...
...She swore and swore...
Wait a minute, wait a minute... Did he organise this all himself?
But how?
Ah, no, this we're going to find out!
...I'll get to the bottom of it...
Confess, who are you!
No understand... no speak Russian...
The gent don't understand...
Don't pretend! You spoke excellent Russian just now!
You're not a German and you're not a professor! You're a murderer and a spy!
Your papers!
Hey, citizen, help me to detain the criminal! It's your duty!
What criminal? Where is he? A foreign criminal? That one?
If he's a foreign criminal, the first thing to do is shout "Help!"
Or else he'll get away. Come on, together now, one, two! Help!
Ah, so you're in with him I'll hand you over to the police!
Buy your tickets citizens
No cats allowed!
Nobody with cats allowed! Scat! Get off, or I'll call the police!
He must have gone through the gate
Of course, he's hiding in the bathroom
Kiriushka! Stop this tomfoolery! Have you lost your mind?
Fyodor Ivanych will be back any minute Get out right now!
Ah, wanton creature!
Why, of course, he's at the Moscow River!...
Onward!
Please, this way...
Bosoy - chairman of the tenants' association has the keys
Open up!
Where is the office of the deceased Berlioza?
How so? Already deceased?
Mikhail Alexandrovich was killed by a tram-car I am his deputy - Zheldybin!
we have to look through deceased's papers.
Who else lives here?
Director of the Variety Theatre Likhodeev but he's not here now!
We take the deceased's manuscripts for analysis
the apartment is transferred to the cooperative
other effects should be gathered in one place and given to his heirs!
I understand!
Watch this!
To Griboedov's! Beyond all doubt, he's there
What will be better? Sew the severed head to the neck?
It's not necessary
lay out the body in the hall at Griboedov's after simply covering the dead man snugly to the chin
with a black cloth!
Exactly!
Lets lay out...
Where are you dining today, Stepan Bogdanovich?
What a question! Why, here, of course, at MASSOLIT dear Grigory Danilovich!
Archibald Archibaldovich whispered to me that today there will be perch au naturel
A virtuoso little treat!
You sure know how to live Stepan Bogdanovich...
I have no special knowledge just the ordinary wish to live like a human being.
One can also dine at home
I humbly thank you,' trumpeted Amvrosy, 'but I can imagine your wife,
...in the communal kitchen at home, trying to do perch au naturel to order in a saucepan!
Historical Landmark XIX Century Griboedov's House
Respects to the grunts!
Anyhow, where is this Berlioz?
We've been waiting for 2 hours... midnight's close, and Herman is not here!
The laddie must've got stuck on the Klyazma in a dacha!
I've paid for 3 years so far, to send my wife with goiter to this paradise
but there's nothing nothing in the wind
We mustn't be envious, comrades. There's twenty-two dachas in all
and there's three thousand of us in Massolit.
So you see, naturally, it's the most talented of us that got the dachas
The generals!
Latunsky - five rooms to himself in Perelygino!
Lavrovich has six to himself and the dining room's paneled in oak!
Eh, that's not the point right now, it's that it's half past eleven.
Berlioz should have called
Maybe we should go downstairs and dine?
Hallelujah!
I must say that my apartment
lost its reputation long time ago
Two years ago it had still belonged to the widow of the jeweler
Anna Frantsevna de Fougeray
who rented out three of the five rooms to two lodgers:
one of whose last name was apparently Belomut,
and another with a lost last name.
And then two years ago inexplicable events began to occur in this apartment:
people began to disappear from this apartment without a trace
Once on a weekend a policeman came to the apartment
called the second lodger out for a minute
to the police station to put his signature on something.
Not only he didn't come back in a minute, but
he never came back at all!
This lodger disappeared on a Monday, and that Wednesday
Belomut seemed to drop from sight!
a car came, as usual, to take him to work.
but it did not bring anyone back!
Let's drink!
Then the late Berlioz moved in with his wife
and I moved in with my wife too!
Finally... within the space of a month both wives vanished.
But these two not without a trace. Of Berlioz's wife it was told that she had supposedly been seen in Kharkov with some ballet-master
Mine, I bought an apartment, but on the one condition that she never show her face on Sadovaya!
And tomorrow I will drop in at noon - exactly!
No... I won't be home!
But I'll come anyhow!...
Berlioz!
What Berlioz... What's with Berlioz?
Berlioz fell under the tram-car!
A minute ago on the Ponds fell under the tram-car
We must... compose some collective telegram and send it off immediately
So what that Berlioz... How can we help? By going hungry?
And, really, can one let chicken de volaille perish?
But, after all, we're alive!
What's with you? What's he doing?
What are you looking for, citizen?!
Hail, friends!
He's mad...
That's it. Delirium tremens.
No, he's not there!
How could the police let him walk the streets like that
They tried to detain me twice, in Skaterny and here on Bronnaya,
but I hopped over the fence
Brethren in literature!
Listen to me everyone!
He has appeared!
Catch him immediately, otherwise he'll do untold harm!
Who has appeared?
The consultant!
and this consultant just killed Misha Berlioz at the Patriarch's Ponds.
Excuse me what do you mean "killed"? Who killed?
A foreign consultant, a professor, and a spy!
And what is his name?
That's just it - his name!
If only I knew his name!
I didn't make out his name on his calling card!
I only remember the first letter, "W"
his name begins with "W"
What last name begins with "W"?
Fool!
What has Wolf got to do with it?
Wolf's not to blame for anything!
No, I'll never remember this way!
Here's what, citizens: call the police at once
let them send out five motorcycles with machine-guns
to catch the professor.
And don't forget to tell them
that there are two others with him:
a long chequered one,
cracked pince-nez,
and a cat, black and fat...
And meanwhile I'll search Griboedov's
I sense that he's here!
Comrade Homeless, calm down!
You're upset at the death of our beloved,
Mikhail Alexandrovich...
no, say just Misha Berlioz... We all understand that perfectly well.
You need rest.
The comrades will take you home right now, you'll forget...
Call a doctor!
Don't you understand that the professor has to be caught?
And you come at me with your foolishness! Cretin!
Pardon me. Comrade Homeless!
No, anyone else, but you I will not pardon!
Didn't you see he was in his underpants?
But, Archibald Archibaldovich,
how could I not let him in, if he's a member of Massolit?
Watch out, Nikolai!
This is the last time!
We have no need of such doormen!
Go find yourself a job as a beadle
Move it!...
Get Pantelei from the snack bar
Police.
Protocol.
A car.
To the psychiatric clinic.
Blow your whistle!
Let me go bastards!
I'm gonna get you!
Here, here
Have a run for your money! I've taken 'em to the psychics before!
I'm going to complain on all of you.
Especially you - you louse!
Here, Doctor, is the renowned poet Ivan Homeless
well, you see... we're afraid it might be delirium tremens...
Did he chase after cockroaches, rats, little devils, or slinking dogs?
No, I saw him yesterday and this morning... he was perfectly well
And why is he in his drawers? Did you get him out of bed?
No, Doctor, he came to the restaurant that way...
Unbind me you bastards!
Hello there!
Greetings, saboteur!
How old are you?
You can all go to the devil!
But why are you angry? Did I say anything unpleasant to you?
Because I, a healthy man, was seized...
and dragged by force to a madhouse!
You are, not in a madhouse, but in a clinic...
where no one will keep you if it's not necessary.
Thank the Lord!
One normal man has finally turned up among the idiots...
of whom the first is that giftless goof Sashka!
Who is this giftless Sashka?
This one here - Riukhin - a poet!
That's the thanks I get
What trash, really!
Psychologically, a typical little kulak...
carefully disguising himself as a proletarian...
Look at his lenten physiognomy and compare it with his lousy verses.
Consider, yes, consider!
Look inside him and see what he thinks
Just ask!
I raised a serpent!
And why, actually, were you brought here?
Devil take them, the numskulls!
They seized me, tied me up with some rags, and dragged me away!
May I ask why you came to the restaurant in just your underwear?
There's nothing surprising about that!
I went for a swim in the Moscow River, so they filched my clothes, and left me this trash!
I couldn't very well walk around Moscow naked!
I put on what was there because I was hurrying to Griboedov's restaurant.
The name of the restaurant
And why were you in such a hurry? Some business meeting?
I'm trying to catch the consultant!
What consultant?
Do you know Berlioz?
The... composer?
What composer?
Ah, yes...
Ah, no!
The composer has the same name as Misha Berlioz.
The secretary of Massolit, Berlioz, was run over by a tram-car tonight at the Patriarch's Ponds.
Don't blab about what you don't know!
I was there, not you!
He got him under the tram-car on purpose!
Pushed him?
Pushed him, nothing His kind don't need to push!
He can perform such stunts - hold on to your hat!
He knew beforehand that Berlioz would get under the tram-car!
So. And what measures did you take to catch this murderer?
Here's what measures:
I took a little candle from the kitchen...
And why the icon?
Ah, yes, the icon...
...the icon...
It was the icon that frightened them most of all...
But the thing is that he, the consultant...
let's speak directly...
he is mixed up with the unclean powers... and you won't catch him so easily.
Yes, sirs!
An absolute fact.
He spoke personally with Pontius Pilate!
And there's no need to stare at me like that. I'm telling the truth!
He saw everythingthe balcony and the palm trees
In short, he was at Pontius Pilate's, I can vouch for it.
Oh-oh!
It's two o'clock, and I'm wasting time with you!
Excuse me, where's the telephone?
Let him use the telephone!
Is he married?
Single
Member of a trade union?
Yes.
Police?
Comrade officer-on-duty...
...give orders at once for five motor cycles with machine-guns...
...be sent out to catch the foreign consultant.
What?
Come and pick me up, I'll go with you...
It's the poet Homeless speaking from the madhouse...
What's your address?
Are you listening?
Hello!... Outrageous!
Goodbye!
For pity's sake, where do you intend to go? In the dead of night, in your underwear...
You're not feeling well, stay with us.
No thank you!
Let me pass!
Will you let me pass or not!
Ah, so?!... Well, then...
...Let me go I say!
...Let me go you bandits!
You have no right!
Bandits!
Let him go...
Locked me up after all,
Very well then...
I've warned you, you can do as you like but now it's up to you...
...you'll pay for it yourselves...
A bath, a private room, number 117, and a nurse to watch him
Doctor,' it means he's really ill?
Oh, yes!
But what's wrong with him, then?
Schizophrenia, I suppose!
Plus this alcoholism...
I'm now interested...
...most of all...
...in Pontius Pilate...
Hegemon!
I looked into the case of Yeshua Ha-Nozri and confirmed the death sentence!
...three robbers were condemned to be executed...
Dysmas, Gestas and Bar-Rabban...
and there's another one - Yeshua Ha-Nozri besides...
The first two were accounted to the procurator, and, would not be talked about here...
But the second two, Bar-Rabban and Ha-Nozri,
...had been seized by the local authorities and condemned by the Sanhedrin.
According to the law, according to custom, one of these two criminals had to be released...
...released in honor of the great feast of Passover, which would begin that day.
I'd like to know which of the two criminals...
the Sanhedrin intended to set free: Bar-Rabban or Ha-Nozri?
The Sanhedrin asks that Bar-Rabban be released.
I confess, this answer stuns me...
...I'm afraid there may be some misunderstanding here.
The crimes of Bar-Rabban and Ha-Nozri are quite incomparable in their gravity.
While Yeshua is obviously an insane person,
Bar-Rabban's burden of guilt is more considerable.
He called directly for rebellion...
he also killed a guard...
On the strength of all the foregoing, I ask the high priest to reconsider the decision...
...and release the less harmful of the two condemned men...
...and that is without doubt Ha-Nozri.
And so?
Sanhedrin had thoroughly familiarized itself with the case and informed him a second time...
that it intended to free Bar-Rabban!
What? Even after my intercession?
The intercession of him through whose person Roman authority speaks?
Repeat it a third time. High Priest!
And a third time I repeat that we are setting Bar-Rabban free!
Very well!
So be it!
Cramped!
I feel cramped!
It's sultry today, there's a storm somewhere.
Oh, what a terrible month of Nisan we're having this year!
No, it's not because of the sultriness...
I feel cramped with you here, Kaifa!
Watch out for yourself. High Priest.!
What do I hear. Procurator?
You threaten me after you yourself have confirmed the sentence passed?
Can that be?
We are accustomed to the Roman procurator choosing his words, before he says something.
What if we should be overheard, Hegemon?
What's your trouble High Priest?
Who can hear us where we are now?
Do you think I'm like that young vagrant holy fool...
who is to be executed today!
Am I a boy, Kaifa?
I know what I say and where I say it.
A cordon around the garden, a cordon around the palace...
...so that a mouse couldn't get through any crack!
Not only a mouse...
...but even that one...
...what's his name...
...from the town of Kiriath!
Incidentally, High Priest, do you remember him?
Yes... if that one got in here, he'd feel bitterly sorry for himself
in this you will, of course, believe me?
Know, then, High Priest...
...that from now on you will have no peace!
Neither you nor your people!
It is I who tell you so...
Pontius Pilate...
equestrian of the Golden Spear!
I know!
I know...
that you hate Jewish people
...and will cause them much suffering!
...but you will not destroy them utterly!
God will protect them!
He will hear us, the almighty Caesar will hear!
...he will protect us from Pilate the destroyer!
Oh, no!
You have complained about me too much to Caesar...
...and now my hour has come, Kaifa!
Now the message will fly from me...
...of how you in Yershalaim are sheltering known criminals from death!
It is not just one cohort that you will see here in Yershalaim, High Priest - no!
...The whole Fulminata legion will come!
...the Arabian cavalry will arrive and then you will hear bitter weeping and wailing!
You will remember Bar-Rabban then, whom you saved!
And you will regret having sent to his death...
a philosopher with his peaceful preaching...
Do you yourself believe what you are saying now. Procurator?
It is not peace, not peace...
...that the seducer of the people of Yershalaim brought us!
and you, equestrian, understand that perfectly well...
You wanted to release him so that he could disturb the people...
...outrage the faith and bring the people under Roman swords!
But I...
...the high priest of the Jews...
...as long as I live...
...will not allow the faith to be outraged...
...and will protect the people!
Do you hear, Pilate?
Listen, Procurator!
Are you going to tell me that all this has been caused by the wretched robber Bar-Rabban?
It's nearly noon. We got carried away by our conversation...
...and yet we must proceed!
...I'm going to announce the sentence!
Styopa!
If you don't get up this minute...
...you'll be shot!
Shoot me!
Do what you like with me...
...I won't get up.
Good morning, my most sympathetic Stepan Bogdanovich!
What can I do for you?
Eleven...
And for exactly an hour I've been waiting for you to wake up,
...since you made an appointment for me to come to your place at ten.
Here I am!
Excuse me...
Tell me your name, please?
What?
You've forgotten my name, too?
Forgive me...
...yesterday I got a bit...
I need aspirin now.
My dear Stepan Bogdanovich,
no aspirin will help you...
Follow the wise old rule...
...cure like with like...
The only thing that will bring you back to life...
is two glasses of vodka with something pickled and hot to go with it.
And you?
With pleasure!
Well, I hope...
...by now you've remembered my name?
Really! I get the feeling that you followed the vodka with port wine.
Good heavens, it simply isn't done!
I beg you to keep it between us.
Oh, of course, of course!
But as for Khustov, needless to say, I can't vouch for him.
So you know Khustov?
Yesterday, in your office, I saw this individuum briefly...
...but it only takes a fleeting glance at his face,
...to understand that he is a bastard...
...squabbler...
...trimmer...
...and a toady!
Perfectly true!
Professor of black magic Woland.
Yesterday afternoon I arrived in Moscow from abroad
...went immediately to you
...and offered my show to the Variety.
You telephoned the Moscow Regional Entertainment Commission...
...and had the question approved...
...then signed a contract with Professor Woland...
...for seven performances.
...and arranged that Woland... should come the next morning to work out the details...
...at ten o'clock.
And so I came!
Seeing what condition you were in...
I sent Grunya to the nearest grocery store...
Allow me to reimburse you...
Oh, what nonsense!
May I...
...have a look at the contract?
Please do, please do...
...and receipt for the advance payment of the ten thousand rubles
One second!
My respects!...
Just what we needed!...
Ah, Berlioz, Berlioz!
This is simply too much for one head!
Yes?...
Hello, Grigory Danilovich...
it's Likhodeev.
...There's a certain matter... I have this... er...
...artiste Woland sitting here...
...So you see... I wanted to ask,
...how about this evening?
Ah, the black magician?
Yes!
The posters will be ready shortly... And you'll be coming in soon?
In half an hour.
Grunya!
What's this cat doing hanging around here?!
Where did he come from?
Don't worry, Stepan Bogdanovich...
The cat is mine.
Don't be nervous.
And Grunya is not here, I sent her off to Voronezh.
She complained you diddled her out of a vacation.
I see you're somewhat surprised...
...my dearest Stepan Bogdanovich?
And yet there's nothing to be surprised at.
This is my retinue.
And this retinue requires room.
so there's just one too many of us in the apartment.
And it seems to us that this one too many...
...is precisely you.
Theirself, theirself!
Generally, theirself has been up to some terrible swinishness lately...
Drinking, using their position to have liaisons with women...
...don't do devil a thing, and can't do anything,
...because they don't know anything of what they're supposed to do.!
Pulling the wool over their superiors' eyes!
Availing hisself of a government car!
Exactly!
Generally, I don't understand...
...how he got to be a director?
He's as much a director...
...as I'm a bishop.
Allow me, Messire, to chuck him the devil out of Moscow?
Messire!... allow me... Scat!
I implore you...
tell me what city is this?
Really!
I'm not drunk...
something's happened to me... I'm ill...
Where am I?... What city is this?
Well, it's Yalta...