Subs by Traff and Raceman
What's going on? Where's Yonk?
They rushed him into surgery as soon as we got here.
It, uh.. it was definitely a heart attack.
Oh, my God.
Well, tell me everything that happened.
Okay, um...
We were at lunch,
and we were trying to stall him so you could finish packing and..
well, it was taking longer than you thought.
You--you had all this stuff...
I know that part, I was in it!
Anyway, um, after lunch he rode the mechanical bull,
and when he got off, he just... he collapsed.
I can't believe this is happening.
Hey, he's gonna be all right.
There you are!
Ma, what are you doing here?
I told you not to come.
I come when I'm needed.
You're not needed.
Well, I'm already here.
I'm glad you are.
Oh, I'm so sorry, dear.
What is that?
Lasagna for Yonk.
You know how terrible hospital food is.
What are you, crazy? That's meat and cheese.
That's the stuff that almost killed him.
So tell him it's vegetarian. He'll never know.
I wanna see my father!
Oh, no. Hey, Penny.
I wanna see my father now!
Sweetheart, you can't see him. He's still in surgery.
I smell lasagna.
Wow. Right through the foil.
Where is it?
Uh-oh.
We're between her and the lasagna.
Whatever happens, I love you.
I hate his whole perfect Mister Pretty thing, with his hair falling just so.
"Oh, it keeps flopping in my eyes! What ever shall I do?"
I'll tell you what to do. Cut your freakin' head off!
Grape?
When I think about all the time I wasted on him.
I sat through seven symphonies for that scumbag.
One of them sober!
So you know what?
Let's not waste any more time on him.
Okay, fine. Let's move on to you.
What?
You're the one who set me up with him!
Hey!
It's a grape.
Still.
You told him to ask me out!
You pushed me to date him!
When I wanted to bail, you convinced me to go back to him!
FYI: seedless, not painless.
I am never listening to you again.
"Don't be afraid. Open your heart."
Yuh!
This baby is getting locked in a box.
Inside a safe.
Surrounded by sharks.
With guns.
I'm sorry I set you up with him.
Yeah, well, you should be.
Would you listen?
Hey.
That's right. These grapes go both ways.
Okay, so...
Benjamin was a jerk.
But there is a guy out there who deserves you,
and--and is gonna see how awesome you are.
You know, that sounds really nice, but...
I just don't know that I believe that anymore.
Don't...
I'm--I'm telling you.
Okay?
You are...
amazing.
And you're beautiful.
And there's a guy who's gonna see that, and he's gonna love you for it.
Well...
He's got five days to show up.
'Cause that's how long the sharks have to wait for their gun permits.
I came as soon as I heard.
Oh, Perry. You're so sweet.
Sit, sit, sit. So how is he?
Still in surgery.
I don't know how you're holding up.
And in this lighting.
That's my chair!
All right.
And what might you be?
Perry, this is my stepdaughter, Penny.
Oh, I'm so sorry about your father.
Um...
I know this is a difficult time.
It'd be a lot easier if I could put my ass in that chair.
There you go.
It's like Audrey Hepburn's back among us.
Excuse me, I'm looking for Yonk Allen's family.
That's us.
Ah.
Mrs. Allen, your husband--
I'm his daughter.
Oh.
Sorry, okay.
Girls, your father just--
I'm his wife.
Ah.
Well, he just got out of surgery.
We had to do a quintuple bypass.
So it's gonna be touch and go for a while.
But I can see he's got a lot to live for.
And you.
- Hey. - Hey.
What's with the roses?
Oh, they're for Aaron. He gets back from Chile tonight.
That's great.
Yeah, there's nothing like two guys hugging at the airport,
holding roses to freak the old people out.
So, uh...
How'd it go with Kat?
Oh, not good.
It's over with Benjamin.
She's really pissed, really bitter.
Ugh.
I can't imagine Kat like that.
Oh, wait, I can only imagine Kat like that.
No, she's a mess.
She swears she'd never let herself feel this way about anyone again.
Uh, sure.
I mean, what can you say to that?
Well, I just told her that there's a guy out there
who's gonna see how amazing and...beautiful she is, and is gonna love her.
Hmm.
Were you the guy?
What?
The guy. Were you the guy?
No, I meant, hypothetically.
Right, right, right.
But, but in your head, when you were saying it, were you the guy?
It was hard to tell. He had his back to me.
Turn him around.
Oh, hey, it's me.
Oh, man.
This waiting is killing me. I'm getting hungry.
I sure wish there was some lasagna left.
Look at him.
He can't take his eyes off me.
In your dreams, pal. You couldn't handle this.
Reese Witherspoon has such nice hair. I should redo my highlights.
Poor Nicole.
This must be so hard for her.
I should redo my highlights.
It's so scary.
One minute you're riding a mechanical bull, and the next...
It's all so tenuous. So fleeting.
It just makes me realize... how much I wanna have sex right now.
Oh, God, I'm an animal!
How could I want that at a time like this?
But I do, I do.
No, this isn't like me. Why is this happening?
Is it the need to celebrate life in the face of death?
Yeah, yeah, I could sell it that way.
You wanna take a little walk?
Oh, okay.
What's up?
Oh, I was just thinking, um... about how precious life is.
It really is.
Yeah, it kind of makes you wanna grab on, seize the moment.
I know. Yeah.
And I love you.
Oh.
I love-- I love you too.
Okay, um...
This is gonna seem kind of crazy, and I...can't believe I'm about to ask this.
What?
Oh, my God. Is he about to...?
Would you, maybe, want to...
He is!
I'm gonna be Mrs. Richie Velch!
Um...
Don't say it. She's gonna think you're disgusting.
Never mind.
What? It's okay.
I'm gonna be married before I'm 30. Screw you, Mom!
Yeah, I--I can't here.
It--it's not right.
I--I think I know what you're gonna ask.
You do?
Mm-hmm.
And I think you're gonna like the answer.
Really?
So go ahead. Ask me.
Hey, you guys.
- No, no, not now! - Go away!
What's up?
Hey!
You guys wanna go get some air?
- Uh, sure. - Okay, yeah.
Cool.
So close.
Ohh...
- Hey. - Hey.
How do you feel?
Like the whole Green Bay defensive line was stompin' on my chest.
But you beat 'em.
Well, it's Green Bay...
Shh...
Don't talk.
You're everything to me. You know that?
I do.
Sugar, I'm so scared.
You're gonna be all right.
Where's your hand?
I'm here. I'm right here.
Don't leave.
I promise.
Don't ever leave me.
Hey.
How is he doing?
Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
Come here.
He's so pale.
He looked so weak and helpless.
I can't imagine.
He said--
He said, "Don't ever leave me."
Man.
What'd you say?
I promised him I wouldn't.
Sure.
But... you didn't mean it, right?
Right?
I don't know.
You know, you can go and come back.
I plan to.
So what do you mean, you don't know?
My husband just had a heart attack.
I can't just walk away.
Yeah, I wouldn't want you to.
But what about when he's better?
I don't know.
It's another "I don't know."
How can I promise him that I'll be there,
and then two minutes later make the same promise to you?
Eat the ones you have and then come back!
Well, what if they--
They're not gonna run out!
They'd better not.
Look, I would wait for you 100 years, if I knew you were gonna be with me at the end.
But I cannot go back to not knowing.
I love you.
I love you too.
But I'm still his wife.
So what do we do?
I don't know.
That's just too many "I don't knows."
But it makes no sense.
Me and Kat?
We're total opposites.
Yes.
And hmm, how does it go?
"Opposites... are indifferent to each other"?
No, wait, that's not it.
There's no way it could work.
Why not?
She's, like, your best friend.
Which this could totally screw up!
Besides, I don't even know if she's remotely interested.
But what if she is?
Well, then...
See, that! That!
Whatever you're thinking right now...
that's the reason to do it.
Oh, God.
Now I have to tell her I like her?
Oh, I hate this part.
Seriously, how am I even gonna put it out there?
A rose?
Are you kidding me?
It's sweet.
It's cheesy.
It's--
It's gay.
That's how we roll.
Kat?
Hey.
Uh, sorry to bother you.
But my sister's not home and she's not picking up her cell.
So I thought maybe she was here with Richie?
No, they're, uh... still at the hospital.
We had to turn our phones off.
She's at the hospital?
Did he run her over again?
No, it's, uh...
Yonk Allen, he uh--
he had a heart attack.
Oh, my God.
The visiting hours are almost over.
They said they were gonna come back here after.
So...you can wait if you want.
Uh...
Sure, okay.
Cool.
You, uh...
You want something to drink?
What are you having?
Vodka.
Okay.
What's with all the birds?
They're my mom's.
What's with living with your mom?
Just saving money.
God.
I would kill myself.
Haven't ruled it out.
What are you watching?
Oh, it's uh...
It's that movie Speed?
Except... it's all messed up.
I've watching for like, an hour, and they're still not on that bus.
What?
The bus that blows up.
When are they gonna get on that bus?
Dude, this isn't Speed.
What are you talking about?
It's uh...
Keanu Reeves and that girl.
No.
This is that--that stupid Lake House movie.
Uh?
I only saw the previews.
They like, live on a lake, in different times.
And they write to each other through a magic mailbox.
Mailbox blow up?
No, nothing blows up.
Nothing blows up?
No.
Why am I watching it?
So, uh...
Earlier...
you were gonna ask me something?
Oh, uh...
Yeah, yeah.
I--I think the um...
the moment's passed.
Are you sure?
D--does it have to be?
Huh.
Maybe not.
Ask me.
Really?
Okay, I--
I can't believe I'm gonna do this.
Um...okay.
Would you...
maybe want to...
do it?
Do what?
You're gonna make me say it?
Well, you have to say it.
Ah!
Okay.
Um...
oh, all right.
Would you,
perhaps,
want to...
get busy in a closet?
That was your question?
You're the one that made me ask it!
I did not just do that.
I'm sorry!
I'm am so, so sorry!
I--
I promise I'll never ask you anything dirty again.
It--it's not that.
I...I like the dirty.
It's just--
I thought you were gonna ask me something else.
What?
I thought you were gonna ask me the--
the big question.
What's the big question?
The big question.
Okay, that's uncalled for.
Oh--oh!
Really?
Well, you were all "I love you", and "This is gonna sound crazy"!
Well, I would never do that here.
How is this romantic?
Romantic?
You wanted to "get busy" in a closet!
Okay, I--I'm so, so sorry.
You should be.
I am.
Come on.
No.
Please?
No.
Please?
I love you.
I hate this movie.
It's crap.
If it were real, then Keanu would have, like, three lake houses
with a different girl in each of 'em.
And just because you're meant to be together, doesn't mean you get to be together.
This isn't life.
Life is you're on a bus that's gonna blow up!
Totally.
I bought a house today.
What?
I made a down payment.
Seriously?
Yeah, it's a uh...
it's a sweet little A-frame out in Chester.
It's got all these trees around it, a little stream running out back.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
I think I'm gonna get out of it.
Why?
A little big for one person.
Well...
how many did you think there were gonna be?
Do me a favor, all right?
Don't...
Don't tell anybody about this house thing, okay?
It was uh...
it was gonna be a surprise, but...
now I don't know.
Are you okay?
This is, like, the most messed up day of my life.
I am right there with you.
What you thinking about?
Oh, just...
being here in the hospital.
All the waiting, the worrying...
wondering if someone's gonna live or die...
It reminds me of our first date.
Aw.
God, if you'd told me then that six months later
I would be the happiest man on the world...
Well, you just had to meet me.
That was it.
God, it's amazing.
You really have no idea what's gonna happen.
Nope.
This means nothing.
It better not.
Hey.
Hmm?
You wanna marry me?
Sure.