Thank you, all, for coming to this special art council event.
Milan Croshevitz has bestowed upon us
a piece as moving as it is relevant.
It is my distinct pleasure to present to you...
"Song."
Is it genius? It sounds genius.
And in closing, let's offer thanks to the Greenville Community Art Council.
Because anyone can create art, but not just anyone can buy it.
I should be over there. I love art.
I care about art. I majored in art.
Be sure to check out our web site tomorrow to view pictures from the afterparty.
Hopefully they aren't as incriminating as the ones from last week's game night.
Inside joke.
Every time there's an opening on the art council, I get shut out.
It doesn't matter what I do, because they don't think I'm cool enough
to hot knob and drink champagne with them.
First of all, you shouldn't care what they think.
And second, champagne makes you violent.
Mom, dad, you know
how you wouldn't let me date Troy because he was 19.
Well, based on your arbitrary guideline, I found a new boyfriend who is 16.
And look, there he is.
- Kevin! - What's up dorks?
Oki, you're bugger 1, and you're bugger 2.
Kevin drives a truck, and the truck has a gun rack.
Guess what for? Hunting!
Now...
Margo!
I just wanted to say what a great choice you and the art council made
in going with something from Milan Croshevitz phase.
Anyway, we have to walk over there now.
Margo. Aren't you gonna introduce us to your friend?
Of course, forgive me.
Helen, this is doctor Jennifer Wilcox
and this is Souki Law of the Publishing Laws.
Jenn, Souki... Helen.
We moved here from Manhattan.
We just bought the most amazing restored victorian on 3rd and Wilsh.
Together?
Well, welcome! I would love to come by and see your place sometime.
We're actually hosting a game night tonight.
Apparently, it's the thing to do in greenville.
Oh,I don't think Helen would be interested in...
Nice! Yes! I would love to come! I accept.
Hey, booger one, will you buy me beer?
Transcripted on Addic7ed by honeybunny & chamallow35
www.addic7ed.com
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The Goode Family - Season 01 Episode 05 - "A Tale of Two Lesbians"
Oh, I have no idea what kind of housewarming gift to get for lesbians.
I'd say a georgia o'keeffe print, but maybe that's too obvious.
You wanna know what I find lesbians like?
Ugh. Charlie, you don't know what you're talking about.
I have an extensive video library on the subject.
They like paradise coves and bikinI car washes.
Ooh! You know what else? Pizza. They order it constantly.
Well, I just don't understand why you're putting so much pressure on tonight.
Don't you see what this game night represents?
Jenn and Souki are cool and chic and same sex,
if we become friends with them, I'll be part of that hip art scene swirl.
Well, I have always wanted to have lesbian friends.
It's not as easy as it sounds.
One thing I've noticed about lesbians, they think everyone's a peeping tom.
Evening, everybody. I was wondering if I could catch a ride down to the church.
Well, sorry, ray, but we have plans tonight. Have you tried citylink?
I'm not taking the bus. I need a designated driver.
It's bingo night, and I usually get pretty hammered.
They allow drinking at the church?
No, that's why I load up before I go.
Driver?! I'll drive! I just gave the hybrid a tune-up.
Let me grab my tapes. Hope you like charley pride.
I like all pride-- African pride, chicano pride...
N-12.
So this is where God lives.
I-20.
Bingo is all about strategy. Some people use lucky trolls.
Some use lucky trinkets.
I find the vent blows good luck right here. Wanna play?
There's prizes! Prizes?
I feel odd. You're hip.
Now remember, we have to say the right things and do the right things.
I don't know why we're jumping through hoops to impress these people.
We're not jumping through hoops. We're just being ourselves.
Ah, konnichiwa.
They're the only moroccan percussion band I can listen to.
I don't know why, but parisians adore me.
...and then I enter the v.i.n. Number into the computer,
and voila, the student gets his or her parking pass.
I must say, I love what you've done with your home.
This is a lovely...Jar of water.
We got that at katrina. It's art-- simple and powerful,
reminiscent of milan's piece. Oh, absolutely. I would've guessed katrina.
Helen, you claim to have an eye for art.
Tell us, what did you think of milan's piece?
I found it...
Rather...
Scathing?
Scathing.
Well put, Helen.
Scathing? Brilliant!
Yes, that was exactly
milan's intention,
to scathe
Quite right. I said the very same thing out loud earlier today.
It's the comment of the season.
B-11.
B-11?
Surprise, ubuntu.
I don't have b-11...
Because I am not sleeping
with the bingo master!
Bingo not my name-o.
I won dinner for two last week.
I ate both meals.
G-54.
Bingo!
I need more luck.
"the red tent"!
uh, "everything is illuminated"!
I have to say, this is pretty great.
It was "a heartbreaking work of staggering genius"!
It was a best-seller, margo!
I don't read best-sellers.
You know that,kent.
All right,
Helen and Gerald, your turn.
And three, two, one...
Charade!
Uh... Movie. It-- it's a movie.
Um, three words.
Lesbian!
It was "the color purple."
Ohh, because Jenn's shirt is purple.
Of course!
♪
Helen, it wasn't that big of a deal.
Do you know how many times
I've been called a lesbian?
I didn't mind.
This was our big chance to break in.
God knows what they think of us now.
Well, look who it is!
You know, Gerald, for someone who works in academia,
you'd think you'd be more tolerant.
Now, margo, there is no one
more open-minded than myself.
You may think so, but I was a psychology major,
and clearly you have some deep-seeded emotional issues with homosexuality.
Typically, these feelings manifest themselves
in incredibly embarrassing outbursts...
Like the one you had last night.
Oh, God this is terrible.
I know you said we shouldn't care what people think, but-- They think I'm a homophobe!
So my strategy is more air vent, more dolls,
then stamp very light so bingo gods don't know I'm close.
Stamp, stamp, stamp...
Bingo! Got it?
Uh, bingo bango, zingo zango. Yeah, got it.
Damn it! They're not answering at home,
and Souki's assistant keeps saying they're unavailable.
Okay, okay, damage control.
What can we do that's really gay?
What about this? We find another nice same sex couple to be friends with.
We'll be seen around town with them, people will talk, and then everyone will know
I'm cool and you're not a homophobe.
If you wanna become friends with a lesbian,
you gotta think like one.
What do they really want? A man.
Dad,please.
Okay, now this isn't gonna be easy.
Not all lesbians are like Jenn and Souki.
They don't usually hang out with straight people.
Once again, mom, you have no idea what they're talking about.
Kevin's moms have plenty of straight friends.
Kevin's moms?
What?
So after I introduce you guys,
Kevin and I are going to head off on our date.
Guess where? Dynamite fishing!
Sounds like fun, honey.
Now this dinner is our last chance, Gerald.
Don't blow it.
Ah,konnichi-- wha?!
What's happening?
Nice blouse!
Where's the party?
That'll be a 2-hour wait with a reservation.
I actually don't get white people at all.
So, mo,
how long have you been a roughneck?
Ah, I been on oil rigs since I was 10.
I started out as a leadhand working the lead tongs on the drilling floor,
then chain hand and motor hand. Before I knew it,
I was racking drill pipe with the other mothers.
I keep saying she's ready to be a tool pusher.
You know, they get to live on location.
Eh, but just a few days at a time.
Well, the "utne reader"-- Duncan! Isabelle!
Helen. Gerald.
Haven't seen you since game night.
I know. We've been so busy.
I want you to meet some friends of ours.
This is Mo and her partner Trish.
That's right. We're lesbians.
Yeah, and we just proved it in the parking lot.
Ugh, how nice. Well...
Tell and Jenn and Souki you saw us...
With our friends!
I gotta hit the head.
You two coming?
I'm-a be a monster truck driver someday.
And I'm going to be a monster truck driver's wife.
Let's go heckle zoo monkeys.
Come on, ugly.
We'll go start the coals. Come on, Trish.
How about a little girl on grill action?
I hate to say it, but they disgust me.
Maybe I am a homophobe.
I thought you were gonna make friends with some gay women.
Oh, dear God!
I-16.
Yeah! Yeah!
Bingo?
Bingo!
So many people made this moment possible.
Most of all, Ray,
who was there for me from the beginning
and who knocked over his lucky Karl Malone bobblehead
so the luck bounced onto my cards.
And especially I-16!
Just like me! I'm 16!
You have to be 18 to play bingo.
You have to leave.
I don't care about the tools.
I just wanted to play bingo.
Hell, yeah!
Drink!
Listen, um, guys, uh...
We wanna ask you something.
You see, we've never really had couple friends before, and, well...
This Friday is Lucy Lawless' birthday,
and, uh, we were hoping you'd celebrate it with us.
It's usually just the two of us,
but we'd like to share the holiday with people we care about...
You.
We'd love to.
I guess I'll never be part of the art scene.
But at least with mo and Trish, now we'll get a good deal when we refloor the kitchen.
Helen! Gerald! How are you?
We've been great! Just great! We called you a couple times, but...
I know. I'm sorry. Our fresh air child got arrested,
and then we were in Lisbon for the regatta.
Oh, of course! The regatta!
We missed you two at game night at Margo's.
Where were you?
Yes, I was disappointed you weren't there.
I left a message your machine. You must hot have gotten it.
Huh. We don't have a machine.
Well, then I must've left a message with your robot butler.
Either way, you were certainly missed.
Souki and I were going to host a game night this Friday, but...
we had... we'll host it!
Well, okay. That sounds great.
Friday it is.
Actually, we kinda made plans...
Friday it is, Gerald.
We can't just break our plans for Lawless night.
Gerald, we're past that. No one thinks you're a homophobe.
We're running with the hip crowd again!
This isn't about my homophobia... which I don't have.
It's about Mo and Trish being our friends.
And their son is dating our daughter.
Then they'll understand...
We have a conflict. No hard feelings. Our bad.
Hi, guys!
I guess someone can't get enough of the Mo and Trish show.
That's us.
Hey listen, the thing about Friday is...
Um, you see, Gerald...
Is having surgery.
- What? - Are you all right?
What kind?
Well, he's having a cyst removed.
Aw, heck, I can do that for ya.
It's on his lung.
I don't understand why we have to buy the expensive pickles.
Mo and Trish never cared what we served.
They never cared if they had food in their hair.
- Crap, it's Kevin! - Oh, God.
You two should go out. Here's $20. Go have fun!
Now you're paying for our dates?
You're supposed to hate him so I can go back to dating whoever I want.
Ugh, I can't stand it one second longer. I'm breaking up with him.
Hey, look, I kinda need to talk to you about something.
Ugh. Fine. What?
We're through. Lates.
Everything's finally coming together, Gerald.
Even Jenn and Souki seem like they're having a fun...
Now here's one I've always wondered.
In real life, when a good-looking pizza guy comes to your door...
- Do you... - Excuse me, ladies.
Dad, if you sit down and shut up,
I'll let you watch later when Jenn and Souki play Twister.
It went diagonal.
You gotta be kidding me.
- Listen, this isn't a good time... - Hey, buddy.
If we can't bring you to bingo,
we figured we'd bring bingo to you.
Ray, it's bingo!
Bingo for my house!
Look, penny! Bingo for my house!
The box says "fun for all ages."
Set it up!
That's a very nice gift, but this isn't the appropriate time to play bingo.
It's game night.
So it appears there's going to be an opening on the art council.
Tripp Maddux is gonna be indicted. He's off to Belgrade to avoid extradition.
You should put Helen on the art council.
She's got a tremendous eye.
I'd really thought about being on the art council before, but I guess...
Just one moment.
Oh! Now we're not here to bother you.
We were just worried that you were playing wet-nurse to the g-man,
and you wouldn't feel like doing a bunch of cooking,
- so we brought you take out. - Jenga!
Funny thing... the cyst just fell off on its own,
so a couple of our friends stopped by to wish Gerald well. No biggie.
Isn't it funny how cysts do that?
So where is the big guy?
Okay, so this is Margo and her husband Kent, and this is Jenn and her partner Souki.
FYI,
if you two are looking to bring on a third,
I'm not legally attached to this fire hydrant over here.
that wasn't the worst rash I ever got on my thighs,
not by a long shot.
Oh, really?
Well, then what was the worst thigh rash you ever got,Mmo?
Saddle chafe.
3- week cattle drive.
Went commando the whole time.
Uh, duly noted. Don't go... Commando on a cattle drive.
So, kent, are there some up-and-coming sculptors the art council is considering?
- I've got some ideas. - Wait!
Maybe Mo and Trish could suggest some artists.
Did you ladies see the new installation on campus?
Oh, yeah.
We liked it a lot.
It's really... Pretty.
Yes, you should see some of the work he's done in analytic cubism.
It's "wicked neat."
Well, you know, Jenn, Mo and Trish just mentioned that they liked the piece.
They never said they were professional art critics.
He's right. They actually said they were professional bikinI inspectors.
This is too much. Mo and Trish have feelings, too.
You're right.
I have to get rid of them...
For their own good.
Mo, Trish, thanks for coming, but I know we're cutting into your Lawless night.
Yeah. We should get going.
Ladies and gentlemen, the running of the mullets.
Souki,
I think you owe Mo and Trish an apology.
Excuse me? I'm not gonna stand here
I'm not gonna stand here and let you make fun of my friends.
Your friends? I thought they were here to put your dog down.
Well, they're not. They're my friends.
Sure, we only befriended them because they were lesbians,
and we wanted to prove Gerald wasn't a homophobe.
Homophobe? I always thought he was a homosexual.
But we've actually come to care for them.
Granted, they can be a bit... Off-putting.
But we don't judge them because they're our friends, and they don't judge us.
And if you think you're entitled to condemn our friends
because they don't meet your qualifications, then you know what?
You're not that cool.
Well, you heard it from the arbiter of cool...
Helen.
Oh, looks like we're facing a lifetime of lame afterparties and underground art openings. Hmm...
Bummer, Helen. What will the art council do without you?
That was a brave thing you did. I know it wasn't easy.
Too bad everyone left so quickly after Jenn and Souki did, huh?
It's okay. Our real friends stayed.
- Well, then let's bust out some games. - Everyone took their games with them.
We can play with my bingo set! Set it up.
Bingo?!
I was specifically promised hot lesbian twister!