♪ The seafarers are fleeing ♪
♪ Going wherever they please ♪ But they're not leaving here ♪
♪ They're stealing my job, it's a jungle ♪
♪ Crushing my dream Of opening a minimarket! ♪
♪ A minimarket! ♪
♪ You're still here ♪
♪ You're in an amazing country! ♪
♪ This country is amazing! ♪
♪ Bridges collapsing, boats sinking ♪
♪ Sure, it's all wonderful But let me get some too! ♪
♪ Rights are dying Ministers are dancing ♪
♪ Can't you feel the sea Calling you too? ♪
THIS WORLD CAN'T TEAR ME DOWN
[coin clinking]
["I Just Can't forget About You" plays]
[suspenseful music plays]
[Zero] I'd bet anything that the Nazis
weren't expecting the police not to be there either,
because there was a complete standstill for a moment
when no one knew what to do.
There was no barrier, and people were shouting on both sides.
Stand together! Let's all stand together!
Stand together! Stand together!
[Zero] We couldn't stand together more if we tried.
We were pressed together like plywood made of human flesh.
They were the same,
and there was 30 metres of no man's land between us.
And my blood was pumping,
palpitations, my heart going boom, boom, boom, boom!
A bomb explodes, but it's not Secco's.
It's Dark Secco's,
like the evil towers in Knights of the Zodiac.
Nazi Secco.
He's someone else who's obsessed with bombs.
I thought he was an urban legend.
Although, my cousin says he saw him at the stadium once,
and he knew it wasn't Secco,
because he said completely different things.
Shall we go get a smoothie?
Anyway, he really does exist,
and he's already getting another bomb ready.
But boom!
That was our Secco.
I recognised him from the bang.
I don't know how long that moment lasted.
We weren't in Rome any more. We were in Baghdad.
I could hear bangs and shouting. Everything was echoing.
Then there was pressure. We were pushing each other. I was running. Boom!
Then it all kicked off.
[in slo-mo in Italian] ♪ It must be because I love you... ♪
["Sarà perché ti amo" by Ricchi e Poveri continues]
[Zero] There were no phalanx or testudo formations, nothing.
Everything went haywire.
We were like pus squirting out of a bubble of resentment
that's been growing not for a week, but for months.
[grunting]
Or, for some, maybe even their whole life.
I can't give an honest account of the riot
because I have a very partial view of proceedings.
I think there were definitely some who stood out heroically
who will be remembered in the years ahead.
But that wasn't me!
On the contrary, I didn't even see much
because I was just trying to hang in there.
Then who did I see on the other side?
Ludovico!
That dickhead of a kid from north Rome who I used to tutor.
He must be 25 now.
So I shout...
You really are an arsehole!
What the fuck are you doing here?
He was always really shit at language. We worked on it a lot,
but he answered me in such a way that it made me realise there and then
he hasn't made much progress with his dialectical skills.
Mussolini!
ANGUISH ON CANVAS
THE PEDAGOGUE'S FAILURE
[Zero] His reasoning distracted me just enough to...
Boom! ...get punched in the face.
I could feel myself going down, and as I touched the ground,
I saw all these feet coming towards me, and then...
Stop right there. There's not a lot of time, so shut up and listen, okay?
This is in no way what you'd call a drill, Calcare.
Everything since you've known me has been in preparation for this moment.
Everything!
The culmination of all the advice I've given you,
it's all summed up in this one thing.
It's the only thing you need to think about
from this moment until the day you die.
And these two points in time may even coincide.
So then, I have this remote control in my hand.
- You got that? - Mm-hmm.
As soon as I press play,
you curl up in a ball, yeah?
Like this.
Understand? You ready?
Guess so.
[Armadillo] Three,
two,
one.
And close your mouth or you'll be eating flies.
[crowd clamouring]
[Zero] I don't know how long it lasted. I could feel all the blows.
But really, when lots of people are beating you up, it's like no one is,
because they're not even trying to aim.
As long as they can touch you with their toes,
they can say they were there too.
At the most, it can happen that...
[high-pitched ringing]
To be honest, I'm not really able to put together what happened,
but that whistle was like a siren singing.
I couldn't understand shit.
I felt someone picking me up.
It was Secco.
He said something, but I couldn't hear anything.
From reading his lips, I swear he said,
"Shall we go get ice cream?"
But that would be excessive even for him.
I didn't ask him though, because he'd gone off again.
He was moving so naturally, I was astonished.
I even think his eyes were alert for the very first time.
Lucky him.
I got ready to go off again, but...
That's enough!
Can't you see this is a set?
A film set prepared by someone who wants to take advantage of you?
With all the journalists here to film the fighting...
- Is that Sarah? - Who?
...and continue talking bullshit about this area!
[photographers chuckling]
[Zero] Fuck! She was right!
I hadn't noticed anything,
but there were 8,000 journalists huddled around with their popcorn,
watching us play out this movie.
[Sarah] ...proud of our community!
I want my neighbourhood to have some self-respect.
["Se io, se lei" plays]
Hey, normal people are here. Report back.
Bravo control, I'm reporting the presence of elderly ladies
and people who seem socially integrated.
To avoid making arseholes of ourselves, I suggest immediate intervention.
I repeat, I suggest immediate intervention. Over.
["Se io, se lei" by Biagio Antonacci continues]
POLICE
Hey, arseholes!
[man] Boo! Boo!
- [sirens blare] - [clamouring]
Arrest the immigrant lovers!
Are you not ashamed of yourselves?
Instead of just filming the fights,
why don't you take a listen to what people here have to say!
I've only just arrived at this school, and I might never even work in it.
They told me it was because of the refugee shelter, and I fell for it,
because it was the easiest thing to believe.
Talk about what's really happening here.
Let the people who live in this neighbourhood talk
instead of looking for liars and charity cases
to make us all look like monkeys.
Let's now hear Domenica speak.
She's worked at this school for more than 30 years.
- Is it on? - [screeches]
What the actual fuck?!
I have been a janitor at this school all my life,
and this school has been getting emptier year after year.
Every year a class closes, one after the other.
Come on, for fuck sake!
This school was in trouble long before the centre came along.
It's not in trouble, actually. It's diseased.
And do you know why I'm saying this?
You felt like an arsehole after our little chat, didn't you?
Don't be a pain in the arse.
It's a good job I met Domenica.
Otherwise, according to you and your lecture, I'd have invaded Poland by now.
Do you know why people don't want to send their children here?
Because you die of cold in the winter,
the toilets are always out of order,
and every couple of months, a piece of the ceiling falls on the kids' heads.
No one gives a shit!
Hey, I'm gonna get going as I've gotta be on that programme.
It looks like things have calmed down now anyway.
I'm not needed here any more.
[Domenica] They talk about schools in trouble,
but when they got rid of the 349,
which was the only bus that came here,
how do they think people can get here now, in a helicopter?
I get why people send their kids to schools in other areas.
I even said the same thing to my son.
"Get away from this black hole, because nothing here exists."
"It all disappears off the radar like in the Mariana Trench."
[groans]
[sombre music plays]
- [Nazis booing] - [whistles]
[booing]
[clamouring]
- [megaphone screeches] - [Cesare] Domenica! Domenica!
Hey, Domenica, it's Cesare. You might not remember me.
Of course I remember. I'm not a bloody idiot.
What have you done to your hair?
Nice one, Domenica! I dyed it yellow.
With my red nose, they're the colours of A.S. Roma!
Go, Roma!
Always!
I respect you, Domenica. I've always respected you.
I'm telling you that you and me, we have the same enemy,
'cause when we say we don't want these foreigners here,
we're not mad at them.
No! We're mad at the people who spout out a lot of nice things,
but then keep dumping all their problems right here.
The ones at the top
who think this place is a dumping ground.
They should take them!
Cesare, don't fall for this. We're not here for a Q&A.
Yes, but the ones at the top are Italian.
They're the ones who are taking advantage of these poor people,
like they took advantage of you and your mother.
Those are the ones I'm mad at!
I want them to realise that we exist too.
- They can't carry on treating us... - Hey, what's he saying?
We're here because of that fucking centre.
- Cesare, bloody hell! Give me that thing! - Hey, what the fuck do you want?
- Hey, you piece of shit! - Hey, arsehole!
[Cesare grunting]
Hey, Cesare!
You arseholes!
- [Zero] Hey, they're beating him up! - Let's go.
They're beating the shit out of him! Are you going to do something?
They're killing him!
[dramatic music plays]
[officer] Back! Get back!
Arseholes!
Shameful!
[officer] That's enough now! Forward!
[Zero] I didn't understand a fucking thing after that.
They moved us away and closed us into a corner.
We stayed there for three hours, bored out of our fucking minds.
Some ambulances turned up.
There were casualties on both sides, some smashed heads, stuff like that.
And while we were waiting for them to take us away, I heard some voices.
[overlapping chatter]
Hey, are you the famous 30 people that they brought here?
[whistles] Look here.
I love the surprise written all over your face, yeah?
There's a naivety about you that gets the old ladies going,
but I'm gonna jog your memory of the context here.
You do remember these people are at the heart of all this, yeah?
No, it's just that with all the adrenaline pumping, I'd forgotten...
No, 'cause you've been beating each other up,
arguing amongst yourselves, being warriors all week,
like these people don't exist,
which is fine.
Even the cardiologist told you to practice sport, didn't he?
But try to remember why you're actually here,
'cause right now you gotta face
like you woke up to find a penguin shitting on your kitchen floor.
Come on!
[overlapping chatter]
Of course, in our eagerness, we might not have paid much attention to those people.
I try and remedy that.
How are you all? Everything all right In there?
Did you hear things, noises?
And, rightly so, they answer...
[overlapping chatter]
Okay, guys, I tried, but we don't understand each other,
so I shouldn't feel guilty if...
[woman] He says he was very scared.
We thought they were going to come in here.
- Hey, so you can speak the language! - Yes, I was in Italy before.
Potenza, 2012.
God, I don't know what to say! There's a thousand things in my head.
The first thing that I really wanna do is to big up my local area.
Hey, tell everyone if you didn't notice, because you haven't been here long,
that this is the best area in Rome, yeah?
Don't listen to what we said earlier, like shitty neighbourhood or black hole.
These are things that only we can say when we're pissed off.
Other people mustn't dare. Way better than the Colosseum, no?
It's just a marble doughnut that someone's bitten into with nowhere to park.
- [horn honks] - Oh, you fucking...
Also, tell them that we're here to defend you from those pieces of shit.
Thank you. That's very kind. But we know how to defend ourselves.
[sinister music plays]
[Zero] I look at our team of good-for-nothings, and it looks like
I was a bit presumptuous with this whole defender thing.
So I try and be more low-key about it and change things around a bit.
Okay, but we're not all like the ones who want to get rid of you.
So we spoke for about three minutes.
I was a gentleman too, because I didn't even ask her,
"Why the fuck did you go to Potenza?"
Because I wanna make peace with the people in Basilicata.
Anyway, then they loaded us into a police van and brought us here.
And now they're blaming us because some Nazi kid got hurt.
And seeing as it looks like he's Mr. Important's son,
now they're all pissed off that they gotta find out who laid into him,
or his dad's gonna fuck everyone
from the home secretary to the last traffic warden.
But come on. In the middle of all that chaos,
how the fuck should I know who hit that total arsehole of a lizard kid?
[marching music plays]
Heil!
All I can say is that I tutored him for three long years
and we'd already hurt each other with such cognitive savagery
that couldn't ever be compared to any actual beating.
[sighs] There. And that's the whole story.
[Armadillo] Hmm.
Uh...
[clears throat]
Why do you go on about all this to me? To make me bleed out my ears?
I already know the story. I'm your conscience. You remember that?
Yeah, I know, but it's the adrenaline talking.
I need to get it all out.
Then I won't risk leaking something when the police come in, you know?
Okay, at least you're aware of the thin line
between mother-in-law and villain.
Look at how curling up in a ball worked out for you.
Look at that little face, not a scratch on it.
No, that's actually because I'd forgotten that in the end this happens,
and I didn't tell the others when they did
the preparatory drawings for the animation.
What do I know? What do I know...
[pleasant, upbeat music plays]
Hey there, guys! How are you? All going well?
Hey, I've just realised that we need to re-do all the police station scenes
because the marks on my face are missing.
- [suspenseful music plays] - [crow caws]
[growling]
[harrowing music plays]
Anyway, this is what we all agreed on, okay?
[both gasp]
[action music plays]
[clicks tongue]
- Calcare, you can go. - Sorry, what do you mean?
- But don't I have to make a statement? - Sh!
Please now, talk to your lawyer.
[sighs] Oh, When you post on Instagram, would you write bigger?
'Cause I can't read anything, and my wife has to help me.
Do me that favour.
Oh, come on. Leave. It's nine o'clock.
There's just you and one other here. The others have already gone.
Oh, but no one's asked me anything yet.
What do they have to ask you?
I don't know. I have my answer ready about not being a grass.
Even the partisans resisted for three days of torture
to give their friends time some time.
We're not in America!
Those people will say some shit to the newspapers.
They'll report you all,
and then we'll all see what happens in ten years' time at the trial.
Now, do me a favour. Come on. Leave. Then we can all go home.
I've only had a sarnie since this morning.
Life is short. You might die tomorrow,
and you're thinking about what might happen in ten years' time?
[gentle music plays]
Hey, what you lot up to?
What are we up to? We were waiting for you
and checking out what the newspapers are saying.
Well, we can go now. Then we might avoid bumping into the Nazis when they come out.
Well, they all went and left here two hours ago.
I think the only one still here
is that fool that had the microphone before the charge.
[sighs] Yeah, Cesare.
Well, he's fallen out with them too. Who knows what the hell he's gonna do now?
Hey, you're bleeding out your nose.
Yeah, because you all keep talking about Cesare.
When people talk about someone I fucking hate, my nose bleeds.
Hey, that's amazing!
I always humoured you, but I thought it was bullshit.
But you really are bleeding.
I have been telling you that for 30 years, but you never believed me.
- You're right. I'm sorry. - That's not fucking true! Come on!
His nose is bleeding 'cause the police gave him a beating.
Here, look. I filmed it.
[crowd clamouring]
- HEY, ARE YOU THERE? - SNITCHES GET STITCHES.
Oh, whatever. What are the newspapers saying?
What do you think? They're tearing us to shreds.
I won't show you the videos. They'll make you angry.
Did the police ask you guys anything?
No, it was more like general chat with me, but they'll make us pay for this though.
A politician's son? We won't get away with that.
They'll either find a video where you see who hit him and fuck him up,
Or they'll beat us all to teach us a lesson we won't forget.
Look. Between us, I tutored that beaten up kid for three years,
and I swear that even if they'd broken his legs,
tied him up, hog-tied him and thrown him in a hole,
he still wouldn't be on a par with karma.
- Obviously, I'm sorry, because... - Well, I've finished.
None of my fucking business, but watch out.
I think this is really gonna turn into a tsunami by tomorrow morning.
Maybe people who buy comics don't have a problem with criminal records.
But you gotta work out whether it's worth losing your job
'cause of something someone else did.
[sighs] I don't think anyone gives a shit
about your criminal record in online poker.
I wasn't referring to you, but to the ladies.
Yeah, yeah, thank you! Thanks for thinking of us. Bye-bye!
You can go fuck yourself.
Well, how the fuck should I know who it was who hit him?
And even if I did know,
do you think I'd throw a friend of mine overboard to save my arse?
What a shit mentality that is.
Guys, look. I think I need to show you something.
This is my video, right?
[clamouring]
Oh no, that's Ces!
God! That's brutal. They really laid into him.
[Zero] Look at that piece of shit.
[Zero gasps]
[Sarah] No!
["What Are You So Afraid Of" by Videoclub plays]
♪ What are you ♪
♪ So afraid of? ♪
♪ Is it love ♪
♪ Wasting your time? ♪
♪ What are you ♪
♪ So afraid of? ♪
♪ Is it love ♪
♪ Wasting your time? ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh, ohh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh... ♪
You gotta look after that kid, Zero.
Don't you treat him like he's only good for beating people up.
He's just all messed up and he's more sensitive than he looks.
♪ Is it love ♪
♪ Wasting your time? ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
[police sirens blaring]
DAX STILL HATES
- [Secco] What did that girl say to you? - What girl?
Oh, the one at the centre.
Before they took us away, you were talking to a girl.
Spoke really bad. Couldn't understand fuck all.
Oh. [exhales]
She didn't really say a lot.
She said she'd had a long journey and was dying of thirst.
Just the kind of small talk you make during genocide.
You must tell them though we're not all
like the people who want to get rid of you.
They know that, but they also know that lots of people don't want them here.
They can see.
They left everything.
I walked nearly 100 kilometres without water.
People died of thirst.
Then the sea...
So much water, but you couldn't drink it.
Then here the police, angry people...
I know what it's like when there's no place for you.
My country, when you need to throw something away that is forbidden,
that you don't want anyone to find,
you throw it in the lake at night,
and everyone pretends they know nothing.
Same for us here, thrown away.
[Zero] This aquatic metaphor makes me think of the Mariana Trench
that Domenica spoke about.
Something from my school days stuck with me,
because the double entendre made me laugh.
"The Mariana Trench is the deepest known oceanic depression in the world."
It's 12 kilometres deep,
which is the exact same distance from the centre of Rome to the Ring Road.
WORK IN PROGRESS SLOW DOWN
Creatures live down there,
and we don't understand how that's possible.
How the fuck can their organs function without light,
squashed under tens of billions of cubic meters of water?
♪ I've been looking At the stars tonight... ♪
[Zero] This seems more accurate than anything I've read over the past days.
A pool of souls floundering in the dark,
who have to learn to live together in a place where no one else wants to live.
CIGARETTES - STAMPS
[Zero] Oh God, actually, I don't know if you got that good a deal coming here.
[woman] Yeah, okay. But my mother says
that trees that stay in the same field drink the same water.
[Zero] Hmm. Trees are too stable.
We could be logs here at the most,
going wherever the current drags us.
[woman] Currents are scary, because you don't know where they can take you.
But at least it means you're not drowning.
VIDEO DELETED
♪ I got guns in my head And they won't go ♪
♪ Spirits in my head and they won't go ♪
♪ I got guns in my head And they won't go ♪
♪ Spirits in my head and they won't go ♪
♪ But the gun still rattles ♪
♪ The gun still rattles, oh ♪
♪ But the gun still rattles ♪
♪ The gun still rattles, oh ♪
♪ Oh, well... ♪
See you tomorrow for another episode!
MAURO CROCODILE PRESENTS A RANDOM SHOW
- [door opens] - [keys jingle]
Hey, were you watching today's show?
So what did they do to replace me?
Well, I reckon they already had someone else on standby.
An old bloke with a bald head
who farted out a whole load of Battisti songs.
He did an all right job.
Oh, and your mother called to congratulate you afterwards.
Hmm? For what though?
Rendition of "The Sun Song". Said it was like the original.
[Zero] So what you saying? She thought it was me?
[Armadillo] You know she's having her cataracts done in September?
[Zero] Ah!
Okay.
[Armadillo] Arsehole.
[Zero] But she can still hear though.
It's not like she's never heard me fart. She's my mum.
[Armadillo] Arsehole.
♪ And I don't want a never-ending life ♪
♪ I just wanna be alive ♪
♪ While I'm here ♪
♪ And I don't want to see another night ♪
♪ Lost inside of lonely life ♪
♪ While I'm here ♪
♪ I got guns in my head And they won't go ♪
♪ Spirits in my head and they won't go ♪
♪ I got guns in my head And they won't go ♪
♪ Spirits in my head and they won't go ♪
♪ But the gun still rattles ♪
♪ The gun still rattles, oh ♪
♪ But the gun still rattles ♪
♪ The gun still rattles, oh ♪
[calm rock music plays]