[theme music in Italian plays]
THIS WORLD CAN'T TEAR ME DOWN
[footsteps approaching]
[sirens blare]
["MMMBop" by Hanson plays]
[clamouring]
[static crackles]
["MMMBop" by Hanson plays]
[indistinct chatter]
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ You have so many relationships In this life ♪
♪ Only one or two will last ♪
♪ You go through all the pain and strife ♪
♪ Then you turn your back And they're gone so fast ♪
♪ Ooh yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Mmm bop, ba duba du bop ♪
♪ Du ba du bop duba Ba dop ba du ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Mmm bop, ba duba du bop ♪
♪ Du ba du bop duba Ba dop ba du ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Say oh yeah ♪
♪ Ba du bop ba... ♪
[Zero] All of us have a sworn mortal enemy
and you can't bury the hatchet no matter how much time goes by,
like France and England in the 100 Years' War.
100 YEARS' WAR IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS
Mine was Simon the moron.
This resentment was born from a simple misunderstanding.
One Saturday afternoon, we were at Eugenia's house,
where all the parties were held
because she had a huge living room and her parents didn't give a shit.
On that day, we were doing something in the way of studying
and possibly even perfecting Sir Isaac Newton's theory of gravity.
We were throwing wet toilet paper from the sixth floor.
It was the most normal thing in the world. But that day,
it wasn't normal toilet paper. It was the roll of destiny.
ROLL OF LONGINUS FATUM
So, with the precision of a sniper that only destiny could have,
perhaps guided by God himself
or the Virgin Mary of Toilet Rolls of San Vito Chietino...
[adventurous music plays]
...I hit Simon Luchetti, the notorious sore loser from Tiburtino,
square in the head.
From then on, a bitter feud began
that extended into our respective friendship groups.
And almost every Saturday, we'd provoke each other, fight,
look at each other suspiciously,
and make and break truces 'cause we were dickheads.
It was a huge mess that went on and on.
In fact, there was this constant tension,
because neither party was militarily capable of putting a decisive end to it.
[kids grunt]
[girl] Mmm.
[suspenseful music builds]
[thud]
[Zero] Until along came Cesare.
Cesare was the atomic bomb that compelled everyone to stay quiet.
The ultimate deterrent.
With Cesare, I felt like the driver of Steel Jeeg.
What can scare you when you're driving an 800-ton giant made of steel?
Of course, the question that popped into my head every now and then was always...
So why you then?
Doesn't it seem odd that the biggest, toughest, nutcase around
is on a mission to stop you getting slapped in the face?
[Zero] Oh, I've thought about it.
I think it's because I give him the one thing he can't get for himself,
a space where even an 800-ton robot
can show that it has weaknesses from time to time.
I'll explain.
I didn't know Cesare's friends that well.
They were older than me and ran in different circles:
bars, testosterone, cigarettes, and mopeds.
That slice of humanity whose emotional intelligence
deviates from romanticism in literature.
Hey, Danielino tells me you like Marzia.
Are you an idiot? I don't like her. I just fucked her.
Nice one! Fucking's for men, liking's for fags.
And love is for women.
[all] Mm-hmm.
[Zero] Let's say that in the suburban food chain
they were the predators at the top of pyramid,
and showing weakness meant being downgraded and getting mauled.
So Cesare rightly adapted to that standard.
[burps]
[Zero] But with me, he could be different,
partly because, in the food chain, I was Kermit the Frog...
[frogs croaking]
[Zero] ...and because Sarah used to tell me...
Oh, Zero, look after that kid
and don't you treat him like the only thing he's good for
is beating people up.
He's more sensitive than he looks,
and underneath it all, he's just messed up.
[Zero] And so he used to tell me things like...
You know, I think I'm a right twat for dropping out of school, Zero.
[Zero] So I tried to get him to understand that it was okay.
Even people on the street recognise the value of education.
Oh, Ces, there's always time to go back. You could go to night school.
There's loads of options still open for you, you know.
And you can say these things to the others as well.
It's very normal to have these doubts, you know.
We don't all have to be tough all of the time.
You see, with me, he felt comfortable with his vulnerabilities,
because although we came in two decidedly different packages,
him in an armoured tank,
me in a salmon trout,
inside, we had the same insecurities.
But he had them even worse than me.
That's why I tried to get him to open up to the rest of the world,
to lighten this burden of having to be that tough guy
who was good at fighting,
as if this role that other people had given him
was the only role in life that he believed he could play.
That's what big robots have to do.
It's not like they go to nursery.
One day, he was acting even stranger than usual and he said...
I had a strange dream, but I don't know if I can tell you about it, though.
[Zero] I wanted to say...
I listen to it all, and you wanna tell me your dreams now?
The dreamlike dimension!
Who do you think you are? Michel Gondry? [gags]
But then I remembered Sarah's warning.
[angelic music plays]
Look after him, I said! Otherwise, you'll get a big slap, Zero!
[Zero] So, instead, I said...
[sighs] Do you really still think like that?
It's a dream. Everyone has them. It's not a weakness.
You're being very hard on yourself. Come on!
No, it's just that I dreamed about people...
Some people that I know, even friends of mine, you know?
But that's normal.
When people dream, they reprocess things they experience.
They're the ingredients.
It's just that everyone was around me,
and I was, like, down on my knees.
It was a strange situation.
I get it. You need to understand the symbolism.
Why were you on your knees? What does that signify?
That's also why you really need to tell people,
'cause it might relate to your relationships with them.
It might help them loosen up a bit too.
And then they were... coming all over my face.
- [crash, glass shattering] - [bird caws]
Yeah, um, well... Oh, God.
Okay, so don't tell them then.
I don't know, um, maybe they're open-minded.
But on the safe side, I wouldn't take the risk with that.
Hey, I'm not a fag, I'm telling you!
I really like your friend, and I've already fucked.
- And it was a girl, you know! - Whoa.
But all I'm saying is that a dream doesn't dictate your sexual orientation.
Besides, it's not if you find out you actually like boys
or that you like boys as well as girls, you need to feel there's anything...
No, I don't like boys, for God's sake! That dream disgusted me! You got that?
All right, all right, I was just saying.
[dog barking]
Did they give you the lottery numbers as well as coming on you?
We could at least try playing them.
Apart from the numbers, I understand fuck all about dreams.
♪ I don't know why we surrender... ♪
[Zero] I was saying that to calm the conversation down,
but I really do understand fuck all.
Maybe all of us understood fuck all.
Like, I felt like a big shot going to Eugenia's house
because my friend was huge and no one could say shit to me.
But then I'd actually spend three hours standing over the mini pizzas,
immobilised, like Han Solo frozen in carbonite,
because what was much worse for me than getting slapped in the face
was being seen dancing and looking like a right twat.
Or worse still, finding myself talking with that French chick
who made me go bright red,
my psoriasis flare up, sweat, and become as gross as a crustacean boiling in agony.
I think we were all messed up and confused there.
Some were holding onto the big Japanese robot armour,
because they were all too scared to actually look at what was inside.
♪ I don't know why we surrender... ♪
Others were trying to be brave,
holding their breath
and putting their heads under water
to see what was below the surface.
♪ I know you know that it's true ♪
♪ I don't know why we surrender ♪
♪ I know you know that it's true ♪
♪ I don't know why we surrender ♪
♪ I know you know that it's true ♪
♪ Know that it's Know, know that it's true ♪
We, uh, have just come here to...
s... support the just cl... claims of
the just claims of the residents
and the people of Italy.
[grunts]
Next Wednesday, the municipal council will be held here, among the people,
and we will tell them loudly that the shelter has to close!
- You need to take over! - Be here or I'll smash your faces!
Yes, I live across from here.
We can't take any more.
We don't need any more foreigners. We need work, and we need to be safe.
I want my 70-year-old mother to be able
to go out in the street on her own at night
without being scared of running into one of those thugs
who doesn't work and who thinks he's owed everything in this country.
If you have a heart, you must be here Wednesday!
I swear that I'm in shock.
Told you he was a dickhead. You're the one who justified him all this time.
I know, but it's one thing saying he's a dickhead,
and another him becoming a spokesperson for the Nazis.
EVENING DRIVEL
[fanfare plays]
So then, since the start of this story, I know you've all really been thinking...
So why's he saying the word "Nazis"?
Does he still think it's 1945?
He's like that granddad who thinks there's a bomb siren going off
every time the microwave pings.
No, I'll explain it to you methodically.
In this country, if you used to say "fascist", it was horrible.
Now, nobody seems to give a shit any more. They just say...
- Well, he's a fascist, but he's all right. - It's a bit like saying...
Well, he's a celiac, a pain in the bum when you have your tea out,
but it's not a big deal.
Nazism, however, is the last bastion
still struggling to find space in the market of democracy,
maybe due to the fact Jewish people are still upset
at what they went through during the Holocaust.
So basically, if you think that the Axis powers
should've won the Second World War, then, for me, you're a Nazi.
I don't give a shit about knowing in which years it was legitimate
to beat people up and make them drink castor oil. Blah, blah, blah.
- [horn blows] - [fanfare plays]
Uh, I guess I should go talk to him.
Won't make any difference.
You'll waste time we could spend eating ice cream.
- Fine, but what do you know? - I know it closes at 1:00.
[Zero sighs]
[Zero] I went, but outside his house was absolute chaos.
All the journalists were there, and he was the star of the show.
It was like Angelina Jolie was on the red carpet.
And in the middle of all these vultures as Mauro Crocodile,
from the TV show I was supposed to appear on.
We have nothing to do with those balls that were thrown last night,
but things like that happen because people are exasperated
and they're ready to take to the barricades in this area.
[Zero] I was disgusted by this scene
because I could tell they were looking for a freak show.
Like when they asked me those morbid questions...
What can you tell us about the outskirts as someone who lives in the outskirts?
What are people from the outskirts actually like in the outskirts?
- [Zero] So I say... - What do I know?
They're normal people. Some are crazy and some aren't.
It's not as if they're a sentient blob with one brain that thinks for everyone.
But they're not happy with that answer because they're obsessed
with the fact that living on the outskirts are monsters and barbarians.
And the more folkloric, ungrammatical,
with face tattoos it is, the more beastly it is,
the more they have to show it.
It's King Kong, you get me?
It's King Kong when they bring him to the continent.
Just look how huge his mighty nostrils are,
enabling him to smell his prey from far, far away on his island
and sniff copious amounts of cocaine,
making his mighty jawbone swing to and fro
like a galleon sailing through the waves.
[indistinct chatter]
[Zero] It made my heart bleed to see Cesare being treated like that.
I waited for the circus to leave, and then I built up the courage.
But in the end, all I said was...
Hey, Ces, can I talk to you for a minute?
If you want to thank me for the other night, there's no point.
If you wanna give me a lecture, there's even less point, all right?
I'm not gonna lecture you, but don't you get that you're screwing up?
It's like they're making you talk like a ventriloquist's dummy.
Well, I would've said that if his arms weren't as big as my rib cage.
So I tried to take a wider angle and get there through the Socratic method.
So look. I know you're doing this in good faith,
but they're not nice people.
You poor guy. For 20 years, you've been off the face of the Earth.
- But know that these people... - Why are you treating me like a retard?
Those are the only people who've listened to me since I've been back.
I get it, but they're using you 'cause they need your help with this shit.
Okay, so I should listen to you instead?
You, who came to me crying that you work too much
or that other bitch who hasn't even found the time to come and say hello?
- Yeah, I know, but look... - What do you know?
What the fuck do you know?
You make money by telling stories about your life
with all those retards applauding you.
But do you know what it feels like when no one gives a fuck about you?
When you're just an ex-addict and people can't even remember who the fuck you are!
You're just a fucking ghost in a shitty community
that even God's forgotten about.
What the fuck do you know about this shit?
But what the fuck have those 30 poor people
got to do with our shitty lives, Cesare?
I don't give a shit about those 30 poor people!
I'm mad at everyone else, the state who supports them,
gives them money, gives them houses
when they've never given me fuck all!
But what are they giving them?
They've filled your head with bullshit. Can't you even see that?
Fuck off. You've really pissed me off now!
Listen. I know you're not like this.
Let's start again with the Socratic method.
Get away from me for fuck's sake, or I swear I'll kill you!
Honestly, back when he was a zombie on heroin,
I probably could've taken him on,
but now he'd tear me to shreds with just one hand.
Let's say that a generic spirit of self-preservation persuaded me
that the discussion had come to an end.
That's it. Fuck off. Get the fuck out of here!
Coming to lecture me, you fuckin' piece of shit.
- You're confused, aren't you? - [sighs] I don't know.
I was thinking about what he said to me.
The part where he said that he'd beat you up
or the part where it was pretty stupid to explain
how to get by to someone with a shit load of problems you no longer have?
The second.
I'm starting to doubt if I have the right to tell him
or if I should just keep quiet about it all.
Uh, well, don't ask me, okay?
- Look. I can only tell you the risks. - The risks of what?
The risks of personifying the most unpleasant tarot mystery...
- [thunder rumbles] - ...the master of fucking everything.
I don't wanna teach anyone anything.
- I'm not the master... - So for example... [clears throat]
[imitating Zero] From my loft in New York, I'd like to bestow my sophisticated advice
on how to live on the outskirts.
- All right, but I don't talk like that. - Well, I never said that you did.
And I don't have a loft in New York. I live 100 meters from his house.
Hey! All I'm telling you are the risks of looking in from the outside.
Are you feeling guilty?
[imitating Zero] We have to love each other. We're brothers.
Please excuse me. I'm going to do an interview with Cosmopolitan
and make a series for Netflix.
Blessed are ye who are in line for benefits.
What a beautiful day it is. You might get a suntan.
You've done the voice. Anyway, I'm not that much of a dick.
I keep a low profile. I stay at home, working all the time.
But it's not about being a dick.
It's about asking yourself whether you've got the right to lecture someone or not.
[groans] I don't want to lecture anyone.
So I basically just need to mind my own business.
That's right. You can keep your nose out of it,
but you do run this risk.
[rapping] ♪ Yeah, you know, I had these ideals ♪
♪ Values, hoodies, But now I've made some cash ♪
♪ Ain't gonna flush down the bog ♪
♪ For a couple of plebs Who came here on boats ♪
♪ Nazis read comics too I can't burn half my audience ♪
- [farts] - [stool splashes]
Your mum's right about you.
- Dear son, you're a shit. - Sorry, but what does that mean?
First, you tell me I'm not qualified to talk.
Now you say if I don't talk, I'm a shit?
Except your mum said it.
I'm just telling you all the risks. The rest is up to you.
I'm sick of you being mysterious. Tell me what I need to do? What do I do?
The changes in society and the growing attention on gender issues
allow us to see how the everyday expression
"getting fucked in the arse"
raises increasingly critical issues,
because it associates the act of anal sex
with unfounded negative connotations and discrimination.
And so?
And so, you need to find another expression that means the same thing.
Ugh, I was right, wasn't I?
I was right, wasn't I?
What does "right" mean?
We're talking about something that we can't judge.
- So I was right, wasn't I? - Yes! Yes, it went badly.
He's well and truly one of them now.
He's so stubborn. There's no getting through.
Shall we go get some ice cream to celebrate me being right?
[Zero] I was on my way to get my 40th ice cream of the week
when I heard...
Hey, Zero! Secco!
[Zero] It was our pterodactyl friend. Let me explain.
Our pterodactyl friend is one of those people
who is particularly active in neighbourhoods driven by noble ideals.
And I represent those people as dinosaurs, because I think they're cool people,
and dinosaurs are the coolest thing in nature.
Also, because they date back to when Mother Nature still had to go to work.
There's a really cool documentary on Netflix
with all the interviews and original recordings.
Yes, back in those days, we did wonderful things.
We even had a bit of a novel creative design idea.
We wanted people to see them and say,
"Wow. Why wasn't I born as a dilophosaurus?"
Then we might have got a bit complacent.
If I had to pinpoint the start of the decline,
it was when we got stuck with the monkeys.
Look at that ugly baboon with its red bum hanging out,
making those stupid noises.
Hoo, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Now what does that represent?
I don't even remember why we were hell-bent on these animals.
You look at them today and think, "Really?"
Hmm.
But we were always stoned back in those days.
It was confusing. Here, look.
Horses,
those types of peacock...
What a load of rubbish we made!
FATHER TRAGEDY SINCE CHILDREN HAVE SOCIAL MEDIA...
[Zero] Well, anyway, as well as being as cool as dinosaurs,
they also have something else in common with them.
Are you sure that you can say this type of thing?
Yes, to explain they're... not extinct, but let's say they're witnesses of an era...
Why are you getting bogged down with this?
It'll just make us argue with the only people
who might not want to kill you after they've watched this.
Well, no, I'm saying
they're the heirs to a long-held tradition
that is now partly fading away in society.
Have you examined this with a professional?
Have you told them that whenever things are going smoothly,
you perform circus tricks to guarantee it all ends in blood and shit?
[grunts]
Fine, anyway, they're dinosaurs.
So we said to our pterodactyl friend...
I've been wanting to call you. Have you seen what these shits are doing?
I've seen, yeah. We held a meeting about it last night, you know.
Are you guys coming tomorrow?
Oh, what's occurring?
I think we're going to head down to the town hall
to tell them they can't do everything the Nazis are saying.
Next Wednesday, they want to hold the municipal council outside
so all the Nazis in Rome can come,
and it looks like people want to close the shelter.
Tomorrow, we have to say that it's unacceptable for them
to be given that platform.
I mean today, that piece of shit Mauro Crocodile
was interviewing all those liars.
You know he's gonna be a guest on that show next Wednesday, don't you?
Mind your own shit, all right?
Really?
Well, that's great you'll be there. At least you can say a few things.
Yeah, I don't really know what scope I'll have though.
Well, it's up to you. We trust you.
Surely you won't stay quiet after that muppet said
he wanted to send us to jail, will you? [clicks tongue]
Well, how many of you are coming tomorrow?
We're counting on you since some of us have work in the morning.
Uh, well, just us two.
It's not like when we get wet, we multiply like Gremlins.
Why don't you also call your friend Sarah?
We'd have an extra body and she's really switched on.
[footsteps approaching]
Do you know who those friends of yours talked with?
Tell me now who had this idea?
No, 'cause I don't know. I had a meeting that day.
And where was this meeting, then?
At the school with the other teachers
and we had a load of shit to sort out.
Can I have a quick word?
[Tonelli] All right then, what is it?
What can we do to help our DIGOS colleagues out?
I have just had a call from the hospital.
- Seems one of them is badly hurt. - Okay, how badly?
Oh. I wish I knew how to respond to you, Tonelli.
I would really love that.
And you know why? Because that would mean that I'm a doctor.
It would mean that day in September, I'd listened to my mother,
and now in the mornings, I'd be in the wards
doing my rounds, asking,
"How are you today, Mrs. Bianchini?"
Instead, I spend my life watching Instagram stories of people I don't know
but who are now familiar to me,
crossing my fingers that sooner or later they commit a crime
so as to make sense of all these hours of cats and sunsets.
Why couldn't you have minded your own fucking business?
I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do about this show.
Why? You told me that you wanted to say something.
Yeah, but they're things I say when I get delusions of grandeur
and feel guilty because I have visions of Sandrina rotting away in jail.
Besides, they've made it pretty clear that there's no way can I talk about it.
What the fuck do you care?
- It's live. You can say what you want. - They can't cut you out.
Yeah, but I don't know if I have the guts to cause this mess live on TV.
But why? Do you think Crocodile will freak out?
- Yeah! Yeah! - [heavy metal music plays]
[Secco] Or that he's so crazy he'll attack you?
I don't think he'll ever attack you on live telly.
Oh no, I don't think he'll attack me.
He's not gonna beat me up. He's a gentleman.
But this is still something that could cause a right mess, you know.
Anyway, in case he attacks you, take "Peppe" spray.
As soon as you see him coming at you,
squirt him with spray and punch him twice in the face.
Pow! Pow!
Except that it's "pepper spray".
Pepper, like the vegetable. Not "Peppe", like short for Giuseppe.
"Peppe" spray.
- Pepper, with an R! - "Peppe" spray.
Anyway, he's the anchor. He can't beat people up on live telly.
That's what I'm saying. He can't attack you. It's impossible.
But I could be in the audience with bombs. All you gotta do is give me a signal.
I did it at my cousin's wedding. I brought the whole church down
because she didn't want to have to say no.
And do you, Antonella, take Maurizio to love and to cherish...
[suspenseful music plays]
I looked it up on Google. He really did. It's not bullshit.
Listen. I'm gonna call Sarah to see if she'll come to this thing
at the town hall tomorrow or she'll get offended we never call her.
Yeah, okay, ask her. I don't give a shit.
She didn't answer, and I was glad,
'cause I'm always glad whenever people don't pick up the phone,
because it earns you arse-covering points. Know what I mean?
And I actually note the calls down, so the next time she says...
- Zero, you never answer my phone calls! - [Zero] ...I can say...
Twentieth of October, 2019, 14 rings and then left you a voicemail.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
All right, have a look, see if there's anything new on the local news.
Otherwise, we'll just meet up tomorrow.
Yup, there's a video.
Because of this here shelter, the school is "depopopulating".
This school is at risk of closing, because when the preregreg...
the preregis... registrations opened,
no one signed up.
And the parents do not want to leave their children
close to a place that causes degradation,
where these people hang around.
Yes, we also have some of the teachers who work at this school here,
so let's now ask them their opinion of this story and these requests.
Boom! It was Sarah!
I didn't even know that that was the school.
But then I thought, "Well, it's bleedin' obvious,
because Sarah's always there when she's needed".
It's almost like she's summoned whenever I mess up.
She puts the pieces back together.
Basically, she's the person who keeps my life bar upright.
Cocksucking Crocodile.
Now I'm going to get the popcorn ready
and watch her make them look like shit and send them straight into the dustbin.
[Sarah] I... I don't know.
I think these situations are indeed very delicate,
and politics really shouldn't exacerbate them.
What's she saying?
She seems a bit timid.
What does "exarbate" mean?
But I think that the schools in working-class areas are important.
And if the only way of keeping them open is to close the shelter,
maybe that's what needs to be done.
[waves crashing]
[footsteps approaching]
["'74-'75" by The Connells plays]
[Zero] Just think, if you always had a go-to person,
a beacon that reminded you where you needed to go.
You're lost in the dark, in a storm. You could be completely abandoned.
♪ Got not reason... ♪
[Zero] But you knew that whatever happened, that beacon was there.
And you relied on that beacon so much
that you built the whole village around it, your whole life,
taking for granted that it would always be there.
Stop it. You idiot?
[Zero] Then one day, all of a sudden...
So then, will you be there at the special municipal council meeting
that's being held next week?
♪ I was the one... ♪
Yes, if we need to go, then we will be there.
♪ Sorry ever after ♪
♪ '74, '75... ♪
[Zero] And you're left in the dark amongst all the debris.
♪ Nothing to say 'Cause it's already said ♪
♪ It's never easy ♪
♪ When I look on in your eyes ♪
♪ Then I find that I'll do fine ♪
♪ When I look on in your eyes ♪
♪ Then I'll do better ♪
♪ I was the one who let you know ♪
♪ I was your sorry ever after ♪
♪ '74, '75 ♪
[calm rock music plays]