- Synced and corrected by synk - - www.addic7ed.com -
- (SIREN WAILING) - (HORNS HONKING)
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
LIBBY: Toby Fleishman awoke one morning inside the city
he'd lived in all his adult life,
which was suddenly, somehow,
now crawling with women who wanted him.
Not just any women.
Women who were self-actualized and independent
and who knew what they wanted.
Women who seemed kind.
Women who seemed motivated and available.
But also some who just sent over a picture of a G-string.
Or their side boob. Or their under-boob.
Or their just plain regular boob.
It was more than a newly divorced man could take
after 15 years of marriage.
All this, after a youth full of romantic rejection?
All this, after placing a lifetime bet on one woman?
Who could have predicted this?
Who could have predicted that there was such life in him yet?
But these women were not objects to Toby.
They were his mentors. No, they were his heroes.
They were teaching him how to live now that he was suddenly,
somehow, no longer living with Rachel.
Each morning, he would wake up with an overwhelming sense of panic
in that new apartment of his.
Where was he? Where was she? Where was his home?
"Something is wrong," he'd think. "I am in trouble."
For Rachel was no longer in bed with him.
She was no longer griping about her day.
I'll have to spend the day cleaning up that mess
with a lunch I don't even have time for.
LIBBY: She was no longer just coming home from the gym
in a less black mood than usual.
It was a disaster. It was a complete disaster.
Maybe it will be fine. I don't know.
I'll be home late, so I'll need that prescription picked up.
LIBBY: She was no longer applying a thick layer
of black liquid eyeliner to her upper eyelid
with the precision of an arthroscopy robot.
Are the kids ready already?
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
But on this particular morning, she was also not
in the much nicer home that was just hers now.
RACHEL: A spot opened up at that yoga thing upstate, Everglade,
so the kids are with you, FYI.
FYI? FYI, I dropped the kids off a day early?
What were you thinking?
I said, a spot opened up.
They're not groceries, okay? They are children.
What if I hadn't checked my phone?
What if I'd been called to the hospital in the middle of the night?
Well, that didn't happen, right? Good news.
I have plans tonight.
I'm not supposed to have them until tomorrow.
It's just one night. Call Mona.
I want to be with them when I have them.
I don't want to leave them with a sitter.
That's you.
I didn't think you could say anything
shittier than you said last night.
Be this aggressive in your career.
That's very nice. Very mature.
LIBBY: They went back and forth for a while.
All the while, Toby tried to remember
exactly what he'd said last night that was so bad.
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
But he couldn't remember.
I can't believe you'd do that.
Waking them up like that.
I have to secure my oxygen mask, you know, before theirs.
Of course, your oxygen, I forgot.
Listen, it's been a hard month.
I just need some me time.
All of your time is you time, Rachel.
These days, he only ever said her name at the end of sentences.
All right, I gotta go, okay? I'm running late now.
Which was just as well because his boner was gone.
(SIGHS)
All right, come on, guys. Let's go.
I'm so tired.
Well, I am excited 'cause I get you a full day early.
And here, I think your mother left some clothes for you here.
There you go.
These are for the Hamptons. These aren't for camp.
LIBBY: The subtext of everything Hannah
said these days was, "You fucking idiot."
I wanted Corn Chex, not flakes.
You fucking idiot.
Okay.
Hannah, these corn flakes are amazing.
You have to try them.
Okay. All right.
Mwah! Thank you, buddy.
No, we gotta go. We gotta go.
Come on. Come on.
Of all the ways Toby so far resented
Rachel's mismanagement of that morning,
the biggest was an unplanned visit to that den of dread,
that locus of late capitalist society, the 92nd Street Y.
Forget what you know about Ys in general,
this place, with its ridiculous parent population
and a nursery school you had to put your kids
on the waiting list for at conception
was as infected by the Upper East Side
as anything else that came into contact with it.
Okay, bye, Hannah.
Toby, hey! Fancy seeing you here.
- Hey. - Where's Rachel?
- Working as always? - (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Agency won't run itself, I guess.
Hey, that's her line.
LIBBY: Rachel was a theater agent, best known as the person
who discovered Alejandra Lopez, the creator of Presidentrix!
It was so brilliant
that it set the New York theatergoing world on fire
and reinvented Broadway.
Presidentrix! was everywhere.
There were parodies.
- ALEJANDRA: You're just the wife! - I'm just...
I'm just the something.
All right. Look, hold your applause.
LIBBY: And, oh, boy, was there some merch.
- Take care. - Thanks, yeah.
She had a swear on her shirt.
Yeah, ignore it.
Okay, I'll see you later, Solly.
You're picking us up? Not Mona?
Yeah, it's all me.
CYNDI: Toby!
I keep meaning to reach out to you.
How are you doing? How are the kids doing?
Well, we're okay. It's a change for sure.
I've been waiting to run into you
to tell you myself what I hope you already know,
but we're not leaving your life.
We're not going anywhere.
We are your friends, too.
LIBBY: It never didn't shock him
that this was who Rachel cared about.
As a measure of self-protection,
Toby thought about a PT he'd slept with a few nights before.
He couldn't quite remember her name.
Jamie, Jasmine? Jill?
Had things been hard long?
Um, yes... I mean, no.
I mean, it wasn't a spur-of-the-moment decision or anything,
if that's what you're asking.
But Cyndi wanted information.
These days, everyone did.
Did you have a date night?
Were you fighting at that parent-teacher conference?
But you looked so happy at the spring gala.
The questions were never about the Fleishmans,
but about the person's own marriage.
Do we argue too much?
Are our fights too vicious? Do we have enough sex?
Are we too miserable?
How miserable is too miserable?
- Jenny! - (MOANING)
The physical therapist's name was Jenny!
Well, obviously the girls are still thick as thieves.
So you can count on us to make sure nothing changes that.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES) - Sorry...
We're here for you.
TESS: "Hoping we're still on tonight."
Sorry, this is work.
- I have a biopsy. - You're still at the hospital?
- People are still getting sick. - (CHUCKLES)
Supply and demand.
- Yeah. - Yeah, anyway,
it was great to see you.
We gotta do dinner sometime with the kids
'cause we had so much fun last time.
LIBBY: But had they?
It's 40 years old. It's made by these Roman monks.
They only make eight cases a year.
- Mmm. I taste that. - Mmm-hmm.
- SAM: I want in. - TODD: I have a hookup.
- Can't say who. - Come on, man.
LIBBY: The same crowd every time.
Rachel's school mom friends, whose husbands
were a chronic condition that Toby had to manage.
There was Todd Leffer, who was a portfolio manager
at a distressed debt fund
and who didn't not have a photo of himself
next to a dead giraffe and a live Trump son.
There was Rich Hertz, whose name was literally Rich,
and whose father had made his fortune in the '80s
by buying up life insurance policies
on people who had AIDS.
And then there was the alpha homecoming king,
Sam Rothberg, a vice president at a pharmaceutical company
who rose to prominence pushing Vicodin
on every housewife in the country.
Except for his own wife,
who was already besotted with Xanax.
So, how's the liver business, my man?
Well, you know, people still get sick, so...
TODD: Let me ask you something.
If your kids said that they wanted to get into medicine,
what would you say?
TOBY: No. You don't get it, okay?
It was an insult. He was insulting me.
This guy made his money buying up
underwater mortgages in states with expedited eviction laws
so they can kick out the tenants and go condo,
and he asks me if I would ever lead
my poor children into my shameful life?
Well, would you?
TOBY: Mrs. Fields, hi.
This is Dr. Fleishman. Is now a good time?
By the time he was done with his residency,
medicine had undergone such upheaval
that suddenly even being a specialist
at a top hospital in Manhattan wouldn't earn enough to offer
Rachel the lifestyle to which she so badly wanted
to become accustomed.
She never understood that his job was its own reward
and its own comfort.
Particularly in those first delicate weeks following his divorce.
And, Clay, what is the most common vascular mass?
Hepatocellular carcinoma.
That would be correct if a hepatocellular carcinoma
were either vascular or the most common anything.
It's a hemangioma.
I'm sorry, Clay, I...
Listen, guys,
I don't know if this is an appropriate thing,
but I'm gonna say it anyway.
I'm getting a divorce.
I don't mean to be an asshole.
And if I am, forgive me.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm okay.
So, what are you doing now?
We saw a psychologist to figure out
how to make sure the kids are okay.
I moved into a new place recently.
Great, but are you on the apps yet?
What?
Okay, this is gonna be fun.
I had a JDate account... Do people have JDate accounts?
JOANIE: This is different.
It's not that different. It's still scary.
Well, you still do it.
- Yes, I do. - (JOANIE CHUCKLES)
Okay, so, there's a couple.
What is this? Sorry, what am I looking at?
So, that's her lighthouse.
Her lighthouse?
You know, it's to indicate a person's readiness.
- Her readiness? - Like if she's available.
- Okay. - And horny. (LAUGHS)
Wait. You do this, too?
You see what I mean?
Okay. Thank you. I'm gonna... We'll table this.
- We have patients to get to. - Right.
Those lives will not save themselves.
Get me to the OR, stat!
I mean, you are playing God.
Yeah, no one's dying tonight.
Not on my watch.
LIBBY: He watched the apps passively for a week or two,
- not engaging at all... - See you Monday.
...until one weekend.
Rachel had taken the kids out to the Hamptons.
It was his first-ever weekend without them,
and he missed them so much he thought he might die.
The app asked him,
"What is your fave movie?"
(TOBY READING)
It was Twister.
The app asked him,
"How do you like to spend a rainy Saturday?"
"Doing a crossword puzzle."
Watching porn and masturbating.
"Fave food?"
Caesar salad. With shrimp.
It was steamed chicken and vegetables, no sauce, no oil.
"What is your sun, moon, and ascendant?"
TOBY: What is an ascendant?
Maybe he had tried to pump himself up in some answers,
but he'd been honest about the important stuff.
And then it asked, "How single are you?"
I'm divorced.
LIBBY: That was true.
The app needed a pic.
(CAMERA SNAPS)
- WOMAN 1: Hey, you. - WOMAN 2: Hi.
- WOMAN 3: Hi! - WOMAN 4: Hi. How are you?
- Tongue emoji. - You're cute.
- You're a doctor? - Good for you.
- Vampire emoji. - Where do you live?
- Brooklyn.
In Queens.
Like a doctor in a hospital or a doctor of English?
Where is the liver?
If you're an asshole...
I've been down that road.
And no thank you.
I grew up in LA, too.
LIBBY: Friends, he lost a full Saturday right there.
WOMAN 1: I went into social work, and I miss it all the time.
WOMAN 2: I've had too much to drink.
- LIBBY: Then the weekend. - WOMAN 3: Winding down with wine.
- WOMAN 4: I'm into older guys. - WOMAN 5: You remind me of someone.
- WOMAN 6: Grandpa emoji. - WOMAN 7: You're hot.
WOMAN 8: "Angry with smoke coming from mouth" emoji...
LIBBY: You have to understand that Toby was not exactly
a desired property in his youth.
WOMAN 9: You're so handsome.
Where have you been all my life?
WOMAN 10: Possible samba in evening gown emoji.
WOMAN 11: Glass of milk emoji. Enough about me. What about you?
WOMAN 12: My dad was a doctor.
- Purple devil emoji. - I was just...
LIBBY: By late Sunday, his cheeks
hurt from expressing joy and wonder,
and his wrist and hand were sore from repetitive stress.
WOMAN 13: Will I get to see that cute face soon?
LIBBY: But then, he suddenly realized
this was real.
Very little on Earth stands still.
That forward momentum is always
available to pluck you from your sadness
and invite you to rejoin the living.
WOMAN 14: "So, am I seeing you? Question mark, question mark.
"Don't leave me hanging, cutie."
TOBY: "Sorry. Yes. Looking forward to it."
- (CELL PHONE RINGS) - Oh, shit.
Yeah. Joanie. Hi.
Yeah, I am on my way up.
Look at that. Look at that.
It's good as new.
No scarring. It's like nothing ever happened.
Huh. You have to love the liver.
I mean, seriously, show me a more life-affirming organ.
I mean, look at it. Look what it can recover from.
We should all be like the liver.
Livers behave in erratic ways.
The liver is unique in the way that it heals.
It's full of forgiveness.
It understands that you need a few
chances before you get your life right.
And it doesn't just forgive you. You know, it...
You know, it practically forgets.
(JOANIE CHUCKLES POLITELY)
LIBBY: On the darkest days of his marriage,
Toby attended to his hospital business.
Out of the corner of his eyes was always the liver,
whispering to him that one day there would not be much sign
of all of this damage, that he would regenerate, too.
Toby, we have a new patient up from the ER.
That's great. Yeah. Let's go.
I'm a liver specialist. I was called in because your wife is jaundiced.
Right. Okay.
Do you want to tell us what happened?
She was slurring a little, and not making sense.
She was clumsier than usual.
Finally, I said we should go see a doctor.
Then we got in the car, and on the way,
she passed out.
Maybe she's asleep?
We're gonna figure that out. She's in good hands now.
Nurse Ortiz is gonna show you to our family lounge,
and we're going to examine your wife and figure out what's going on.
What's going on here?
Yeah, it's alcoholic cirrhosis.
- Okay. - She went on a bender.
Probably been a secret drinker for years.
You seem pretty sure about that. Joanie?
- He said she was slurring. - Okay. What did he actually say?
He said she was clumsy and slurring.
- She's a drunk. - Phillip!
I'm sorry. Alcoholic.
A person with alcoholism.
An alcoholic-American.
Yeah. Okay. Listen, the husband,
he said that she was clumsier than usual.
So, whatever this is, it's been going
on longer than just the last week.
What else?
Is she on an antidepressant?
She's on Zoloft, as of a month ago.
How'd you know that?
- TOBY: Get her internist on the phone. - Okay.
You saw her a month ago, and prescribed Zoloft.
INTERNIST: She said she was feeling down.
- Her AST/ALT wasn't elevated? - I didn't check LFTs.
You didn't check. Okay, well, she has an AST of 145
and an ALT of 103 and a bili of 14.
She is en-encephalopathic and coagulopathic.
Her total cholesterol is 98.
She's in liver failure. Yellow as a highlighter.
Listen, my whole practice is these women in their 40s
who become depressed and drink more than they should at lunch.
Really? Good for you.
I got to go treat your patient now.
Sorry. You shouldn't do that.
Here's the thing.
This woman's doctor could have helped if he'd taken her seriously.
She wouldn't be having neurological symptoms and a failing liver.
Guys, insurance is not gonna pay for more than 15 minutes.
You still have to listen. Okay?
You have to take that time as a loss.
You have to ask questions and give a shit.
What did our friend Dr. Osler say?
You remember? Listen to the patient.
She is telling you her diagnosis.
Okay. So, go ahead.
Look harder.
(SIGHS)
JOANIE: Oh, my God.
The patient has a ring of copper around her iris.
- It's Wilson's. - Yeah.
Yeah, I've only seen it once before.
(JOANIE CHUCKLES)
Do you see that?
God, it's so beautiful.
Yeah.
As life-threatening diseases go, it is a pretty one.
It means her body doesn't process copper.
So, usually it presents as what you called clumsiness.
All it takes is one night of drinking for this to happen.
She went to Vegas with friends last weekend
for, like, a bachelorette thing.
That's really good to know.
Dr. Clifton here will take a more detailed history.
- Okay? - And what do I do?
Tell your job you need a few days off,
then call your family and friends
so they can help with your kids.
And we will tell you when we know something, all right?
All right. Take care.
- Thanks. - Yeah.
So, never?
I'm a middle-aged housewife.
- I've been domesticated. - You're a legend.
Not pot? Not even cigarettes?
- Cigarettes? - Hey.
Are you crazy?
What would the other mothers even say about me?
I'd be a pariah.
Do you realize that the only thing Libby
ever inhales into her lungs anymore
- is the New Jersey pollution? - TOBY: Yes. She grew up.
- I endorse this. - Thank you.
I knew this guy who lived literally beneath a cave.
Not in it, beneath it, in Argentina.
And he grew this one strain of pot
that he combined with this extract,
so you're high, but you don't know you're high.
Sorry. What does that even mean?
But I think I want to know if I'm high.
- Am I high right now? - Am I high right now?
No. I'd be hungrier if I were high.
- I'm not. - (CHUCKLES) Telltale sign.
- You ready? - LIBBY: Wait a minute.
I am hungry.
- Tuna sandwich, please. - Thanks.
Wait. Excuse me. Sorry.
The American Medical Association
recommends eating tuna fish once a month, if that.
Those people are animals.
So, a tuna sandwich would be amazing, thank you.
SETH: I'm gonna have the Lumberjack,
and can I have a grilled cheese on the side?
Wow. Child.
I will have the spinach and egg white omelet,
no butter and very little oil.
- SERVER: French fries or home fries? - (LAUGHS)
No, no, neither.
And no bread, please.
- I love it. - SERVER: Okay.
Thank you.
LIBBY: The three of us had been getting together regularly
for the first time in years,
ever since Toby called to tell us that he was getting a divorce.
So, it's crazy because, when you're in space,
no matter where you are,
you feel like you're in the center.
Have you considered that maybe
you shouldn't have been a lawyer?
Only every day.
How was your day?
- (SIGHS) Fine. It was nothing. - (PHONE VIBRATING)
Toby Fleishman?
Elizabeth Slater. Toby Fleishman.
God!
It's Epstein now, but, yeah, hi.
- Hi? - Hello.
I am calling to tell you that I am getting a divorce.
I'm doing this on the advice of a therapist,
who thinks it would be healing
to reach out to people I haven't seen
since my marriage was falling apart.
LIBBY: I was stunned.
I'm stunned.
I just moved out.
I have the kids every other weekend
and on weekdays when she's working late.
It was hard for a long time.
We actually went to a couples therapist
who said that we have three of the four horsemen
of the marital apocalypse.
What are those?
Contempt, I think, was the first one.
Defensiveness.
And shutting down... You know what?
I can't remember the fourth.
Was it being a total fucking bitch?
(CHUCKLES) Elizabeth. Maybe.
I hated her.
I mean, I... Can I say that?
I know I just said that, but, like, can I say that?
Yeah, I know, I know.
It's been a while, Elizabeth.
What, like 10 years? Or 12?
It's been since you didn't bother showing up to my wedding.
So, 12 years.
I'm so sorry. It was so hard.
Yeah. I mean, you should have called me, you know?
It was a nightmare.
We would fight in public.
I'm so sorry.
I couldn't.
You still should have called me.
LIBBY: We made arrangements to see each other immediately,
and I took a brief leave from my life
as a housewife in New Jersey to come into the big city.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Hello. - Hi.
- Okay. Come on. - Yeah.
- Come on in. Come on in. - Let's hug.
Should we get something to eat?
No. I'm good. I ate on Tuesday.
- Are you doing okay? - Yes, I am okay.
Okay.
I don't know. I worry about the kids.
I hate weekends when I don't have them.
I freak out when I wake up in my new apartment,
which is like a hovel compared to the palace I just moved out of.
- Sure. - Seriously.
But...
I think I'm past the hard part.
And, yeah, I think I'm, like,
actually up to the interesting part.
Look at this.
What is that?
It's like a bevy of interested sexual partners
that comprises the underlayer of this city, apparently.
Might have been here forever.
Toby Fleishman.
Hot damn.
Can you imagine all those years
I couldn't even get return eye contact, and...
I cannot believe that this is where life has deposited you.
Listen, I know it feels like we haven't been in touch,
but I get the magazine, and I look, like,
every month for your name, and I read the stories,
and, Lib, it is like your voice in my ears.
I'm proud of you, you know?
Yeah. I'm not at the magazine anymore.
I'm not anywhere anymore.
This is...
Yeah.
Our friend Seth had fewer questions.
Dude.
The world is your oyster now. Lick it up.
- I'm trying, you know, to... - I have a great idea.
- Yeah? - Go to your apartment, put on shorts.
- Why? - We're gonna go to yoga.
It's Saturday night.
It's Saturday afternoon. Trust me.
What? I can't. I just had a drink.
The place I go to is owned by a guy who trained under Bikram.
He started a splinter group that nearly brought
the Indian political system to its knees.
- Really? - Yes.
Do you know who goes to yoga?
- Girls. - Yeah, right.
Going to yoga shows a woman
how evolved you are and how not set you are
on maintaining the patriarchy she so loathes and fears.
I got to get home. And aren't you dating someone?
I'm doing this for you, not me.
How high is your closing rate?
It's like 60%. It's 30%. I can't keep track.
You should be at 100%.
You should only be closing right now.
You are prime time now. You are golden.
- Are you being picky? - I'd put my penis
in a he-donkey right now, that's how picky I'm being.
So what's the problem?
The problem? I don't know.
I'm getting out of a marriage
to a woman who wouldn't let me pee standing up.
I have some healing to do.
I really missed you, man.
Go put those shorts on.
Then Toby invited us to his new place
when his kids were with Rachel one weekend,
the three of us together for the first time in 15 years.
Didn't want to move downtown?
My kids are up here, and I work across the park,
so I'm kind of like a prisoner of the Upper East Side
until The Hague mandates that I can leave.
You need new shades.
Yes, I know. I also need a new toaster.
Rachel has a good toaster.
Well, I pronounce this place completely delightful.
I love this apartment.
It reminds me of the first place Adam and I had together.
- Yeah? - Mmm-hmm.
It reminds me of our dorm room in Israel.
- LIBBY: Very mean. - I mean, I love it.
I mean, I hated the place that Rachel put us in.
Had these high ceilings.
They made the doormen dress like they were in the military.
(CHUCKLES)
Divorce is like that old Othello game.
You start your marriage with all the discs white, right?
Then there are some black discs along the way.
You fight, but ultimately, you laugh
and it's fine because the board is still mostly white, right?
But then something happens and the marriage falls apart,
and suddenly the entire board is black.
Is that how you play Othello?
They should probably change the name Othello, you know?
Yeah, so now even the good memories are tinged with darkness.
They're tainted, rotten from the start.
LIBBY: Not all of them.
Yes, man, all of them. Okay?
Now you look back on all those memories, like the honeymoon fight,
a disagreement on a child's name,
and suddenly they're no longer innocuous fights.
Now they're foreshadowing.
When we get married, we really have no way to fully understand
what forever means, you know?
SETH: That's what I say.
Marriage is for suckers.
How are you gonna know how you're gonna feel
in three times the amount of years you've been alive for?
You were how old
- when you got married? - Twenty-six.
- Thirty. - Thirty.
Has your brain even stopped growing?
Does your brain grow?
I was ridiculous in my 20s. Who would I have married?
What kind of decision or choice would I have made?
You grow up. You change.
Like the show Friends.
I used to like Friends when it first came out.
Now I hear that opening music, it makes me want to kill myself.
Definitely should not watch Friends.
What I'm saying is I keep seeing people
outgrow the people that they were with,
and now all the guys at work, my work,
are these, like, miserable, desperate creatures
who get way too wasted at other people's bachelor parties
because they're dreading going home.
But you know what?
I was at their weddings. I saw them.
They were in love.
They were happy that day.
You and Rachel were happy that day.
- Yeah, we were. - Yeah, you really were.
SETH: So, how could an intelligent observer of this
ever decide to choose it?
Hmm.
Are you still going to therapy?
No. The apps are like my therapy.
It's like group therapy, except at the end,
you get to put your penis in the therapist's mouth.
- My therapist does that. - (CHUCKLES)
LIBBY: So we met, and we laughed.
And in our laughter, I heard something dangerous,
which was the sound of our youth.
Which landed us here, on the day
that Rachel dropped the kids off at Toby's apartment
a full day earlier than expected.
She does whatever she wants.
I shouldn't have been surprised
to see our kids sleep-marched to the apartment at 4:00 a.m.
4:00 a.m.! Sorry.
I'm angry all over again.
I thought she would at least be a good divorce partner.
Why would you think that? She was a terrible wife.
Yeah, no, I know. I thought we had an agreement
where we'd put each other through enough
and we could be normal to each other.
But what I remember is that
I'm normal, and she's crazy, and
that's why this could never work out.
Sorry. I had a date tonight.
Let me see.
Okay. Here you go.
All right. What do you think of her?
Oh. Nice.
How old is she?
- Let me see. - I don't know.
She said she's 39.
- No. - No?
- She's not 39. - No?
Weird fact about dating is no one is actually 39 or 29.
There's 40 or 30.
They shouldn't let you use those ages because they don't exist.
How did it go with the zoologist?
It was really freaky. She wanted me to choke her.
- What? - Yeah, yeah. That happens all the time.
Women have been let loose.
They are emancipated.
That is the opposite of emancipation.
They're doing that because they saw it in porn.
- What did you do? - I told her I took an oath.
I'm serious. A person could die like that.
I told her that.
What does your oath say about her being a naughty girl
who needs some very light spanking?
(CHUCKLES) Come on. Come on. No, no, no.
What were we talking about?
- Ages. - Oh, yeah. Right.
When I was on the apps, you know,
I would put my search interest from 21 to 28.
That way, the oldest woman I would get is 35.
- Beat the system. - Stop it.
TOBY: I don't really like the younger women.
- SETH: You don't? - No.
I mean, hey, come on. We're not that old, you know?
I don't think women our age are old. The younger ones hate us less.
Have you thought that all the way through?
Am I wrong?
I don't know.
I'm just... You know, it makes a girl start to wonder
how she might do on the produce market.
You don't have to worry about it.
- You're married. - He was married.
I did go out on a couple dates with a 25-year-old,
until I changed my search parameters to 39 to 47, you know,
'cause if they want to have kids,
I don't want to waste their time. But also...
You know, also, I can't be with someone
who doesn't understand consequences.
How the world will have its way with you
despite your careful planning and good behavior.
- Yikes, dude. - I know. I'm sorry.
I'm just so angry at Rachel,
who is old enough to understand consequences.
And yet! And yet!
Uh...
May the townsfolk know of her promiscuity
and stone her in the square.
(CHUCKLES) No, that is not nice.
- LIBBY: And may the next man... - Yeah?
...who visits her undercarriage...
- TOBY: Yes. - ...have a big sneeze.
TOBY: Oh, no, please. No, no, no.
And the sneeze travels up her vagina and causes an embolism.
(LAUGHS) That's not how embolisms work.
LIBBY: I'm pretty sure that's how embolism works.
Thank you for taking my side.
LIBBY: Anytime.
Okay. I should go. You guys can split that.
- Yeah. - Thanks so much.
TOBY: Thank you.
All right. Love you.
Okay.
- Bye. - Bye.
Bye-bye.
TOBY: Hey! Was today good?
Hello to you.
There's a STEM contest at the Y.
Can we enter it?
If you win, you get to be in a science fair in September.
I think we can arrange that.
I have what Mom calls "the competitive edge"
because I have a science dad.
Okay. Here comes the bus.
Hey, what's going on?
I'm not going on the bus.
Hannah. Come on.
No.
You're so embarrassing.
Okay. This is nonsense.
Come with us right now, or you're not going to Lexi's.
Can we just take a cab?
Look, you have to be able to, like, live among people
without wanting or needing to be like them.
You have to know our values.
Not wanting to be seen on a bus, that's not good.
Not wanting to take a bus is not a good value,
for like a million reasons.
- Hey, Dad. - Yeah?
Can I get golf lessons?
You want golf... Yeah. Yeah, sure.
I'll look into it, buddy.
LIBBY: For the 10th time that day,
Toby was forced to ask the question that occurred to him
nearly every few minutes since his separation...
How did I get here?
How did I become a divorced guy?
How could my kids be so much like these people
when they also so resembled me?
How did he get here?
- SOLLY: Hey, Dad? - Yes.
I think I found our project.
Can we do quantum superposition?
It's like Schrödinger's cat.
Maybe. I just don't want to be killing living things.
There's no way to do it without a dead cat?
We'll figure something out, okay?
- Hey, Dad? - Yeah.
Can we get a dog?
Oh, God. Are you serious?
I don't know. Check with your mother.
I got to get changed.
- Where are you going? - He's going on a date.
- Thank you, Hannah. - SOLLY: What?
Don't you want to work on our project?
I do. You have play dates with your friends?
Adults have those, too.
And it's healthy. It's, like, normal.
- Yeah. Mona. - Mona!
Thank you so much for coming.
- MONA: Hi! - I really do appreciate it.
- WOMAN ON TV: It's a Halloween party. - Hi, Mona.
Hey, babe. Nice to see you.
Mona, you're a lifesaver.
You can have a costume brought to you on a day other than Halloween.
- Guess I should be punished. - Well, that can be arranged.
Whoa! Hey, is this really the best thing to watch right now?
You ruin everything!
- Okay. - Those sunglasses...
LIBBY: He had emerged that summer
like a newborn baby seal with his eyes clamped shut.
But now they were open, and he was a student again.
And in this short time, he had learned a million new things.
Among them was the fact
that if you skew your vision just right,
you could see the world as his dating app presented it,
with New York as a city full of people
with only one imperative,
to fuck or lick or suck or finger or apply hot breath
to a warm body with a compatible schedule.
As he tried to get his bearings these last few months,
he enjoyed the simplicity of that.
Hey.
Are you Alex?
I'm... No, I'm Toby.
Yeah, of course you are.
And he learned that he wasn't alone in his search
for someone to talk to and kiss and ignite,
even if it was just for a night.
He was meeting a woman named Tess
that he'd been exchanging dirty messages with for a week.
He tried to remember what she looked like, but she'd sent
too many pictures of body parts in the meantime,
and he realized he'd lost the plot on her face.
Bicep emoji.
Shrug with "What are you gonna do?" arms emoji.
Hi. Hi.
TESS: He turned 50 and got depressed,
so I sent him on a survival skills weekend
with a famous life coach.
It cost $10,000 for a weekend.
Oh, my God.
- She's a shaman now. - I would hope so.
Well, he comes back and says
he wants to start having threesomes.
I'm surprised, but I also think, "Look at this beautiful life."
So I say sure.
You know, we'll need some rules, but why not?
I'm not dead yet.
Well, that is very generous of you.
Well, turns out he wants to have threesomes with other women.
Two other women.
- None of them me. - No!
No. That is insane.
Wait, so the life coach told him to do this?
She told him to live his truth, or whatever.
His truth?
I swear, you think you know someone, and then they do something
you could not have predicted in your wildest dreams.
- Boy, isn't that the truth. - (BOTH CHUCKLE)
That's my truth.
So, how did you guys meet?
You know, it's funny.
In a threesome.
LIBBY: But what Toby really learned the whole summer
was that he was wanted again.
(MOANS) Toby! Oh, yes!
He was wanted on top.
He was wanted on bottom.
Get down.
They wanted him on all fours, which was new for him.
Yes, ma'am.
They wanted him to go slower.
They wanted him to go faster.
They wanted to know if he was gonna come hard.
- They wanted him to come to Mommy. - (LAUGHS)
- They wanted to call him Daddy. - (MOANING)
He was madly in love with each of them.
On these nights, he didn't wonder why this had happened to him.
Albert. My man.
On these nights, he was grateful life was long
and he got to experience all of these new things.
He had been so lost.
And each night, he became just a little more found.
I know. We can do relativity.
Yeah. Yeah. That's actually not a bad idea.
- (CELL PHONE RINGS) - HANNAH: Oh!
That might be for me.
TESS: "Good morning, Doctor."
Who's Tess?
Tess? Oh, she's a resident. She's a fellow.
She's a new patient.
She's a good patient.
"That was fun last night."
"I just bought a piece of lingerie you'll enjoy removing."
"Cat with heart eyes emoji,"
"poison skull emoji, robot arm emoji."
- I found a corner! - Yeah, I'll be right there.
- "Tomorrow night?" - Dad.
"My kids. Your place?"
Two pieces that connect!
I got it, buddy.
- TOBY: "Thumbs up emoji." - "Say 6:00?"
I'll see if I can find another.
Yeah. Just hold on to it.
"866 East 91st Street. Any time after 5:00."
"Laughing and crying emoji."
What if I need to call you?
I'm sure the Leffers have a landline. Or Cyndi's phone.
You've never called me from a sleepover.
Can't you just get me a phone?
I will get you a phone on your 12th birthday.
That's in four months.
Well, then, you get to be my baby for four more months.
(HANNAH SCOFFS)
LIBBY: On their way to the sleepover at the Leffers',
Toby felt the same anxiety he always felt
leaving his daughter on the front lines of a social war zone.
But he was momentarily distracted
as they passed a brownstone doorway
that he'd ended up getting a hand job in a week ago
from a writer he'd been out with.
Is it too late to switch my bat mitzvah venue?
You know, I think we already printed
up invitations, and there's a deposit.
I still don't have a dress.
It's not till November. And you know your haftarah.
That's the most important thing.
HANNAH: Sure, Dad.
Fleishmans! Hello!
- Hi, Mrs. Leffer. - Hi, honey.
Lexi!
Hannah, you have to see this.
Hello, Dr. Fleishman.
Hi, Lexi.
Hey, Hannah, if you need me... Honey... Yeah, okay.
So, big plans for you boys tonight?
We're going book shopping.
Nice.
How's the good doctor?
Oh, Toby!
We were gonna have you and the kids to the club next weekend,
but Todd says you don't play tennis or golf?
Yeah, I play basketball.
No kidding?
- LIBBY: Fuck you, Todd. - Mmm-hmm.
Good for you.
You ever get an outdoor hand job, Todd?
Well, okay.
Rachel will be picking up the girls
to take them to the show at about 4:00.
"You're just the wife." (CHUCKLES)
Curtain's at 7:00.
And Rachel has reservations at Joe Allen.
Isn't she the nicest?
Well, you call Hannah if you need anything, okay?
She doesn't have a phone yet.
- CYNDI: Toby! - Yeah?
Get that girl a phone!
(CHUCKLES) You boys have a good night, okay?
Bye, guys. Bye, Solly.
TOBY: "Leffers expecting you at 4:00 for Joe Allen and show."
- (MESSAGE SENDS) - Hey, what do you got?
Let's see... 4,000 Facts About the Universe.
This is good. And this...
No, this one's more for grown-ups.
They don't have so many relativity books for kids.
Well, yeah, that makes sense.
Okay, go with those.
SOLLY: We'll take these two.
MAN: All right. Is that gonna be it for you?
- (PHONE RINGING) - SOLLY: Yeah.
You've reached Rachel Fleishman.
If this is urgent, you can call my assistant Simone at...
So, the same thing happens at the same time.
Mmm-hmm.
If someone else observes it at a different angle...
Yeah, it means it's also true, though.
Here. You know what?
Put out your thumb like this.
Yeah. Good.
Now close your right eye.
Yeah. Good. Now close your left.
It's weird, right?
It's like a different perspective, but they're both reality.
LIBBY: Suddenly it occurred to Toby
that he hadn't heard a thing from Rachel
since their phone conversation on Friday morning.
"Question mark. Question mark."
"Where are you, Rachel?"
"It's Sunday."
"I am so sick of this shit."
CYNDI: "Hey, Toby, it's 4:30",
"and I haven't heard from Rachel,"
"and Todd and I have to head out for a golf tournament."
We got to go. Come on, we got to go.
Look, your dad's here now.
- Hey. - Where's Mom?
Mom's running late. I think her yoga retreat ran over.
I don't know. Maybe... Hi.
Maybe they all fell asleep.
That's not funny.
She would not miss this. It's her work.
Come back to my place and she can pick you up there.
No, no, I am not taking Lexi to your apartment.
Hey, how about you're not going anywhere if you keep this up?
Oh, my God.
LIBBY: It was right then that Toby started to wonder
whether it was weird that he hadn't heard from her
since their conversation on Friday morning.
No dismissive eye-rolling, no middle finger emoji,
no three dots.
She wouldn't just blow him off.
She wouldn't reserve seats for a show
that she helped put up and leave the box office hanging.
She wouldn't even let the maître d' at Joe Allen down.
Toby? Yes.
The Joe Allen maître d'? No.
What?
- (CELL PHONE RINGS) - Hi.
This is where your dad lives?
It's just temporary.
It's not temporary. Can't really talk right now.
Okay.
Okay, bye.
Hi.
How was your day in the actual world?
ADAM: You didn't miss anything.
The real world is highly overrated.
How was everything here in paradise, huh?
LIBBY: Lately I couldn't stop thinking about Toby on his dates.
Coming home alone, coming home with someone.
I didn't have a thing for him, and I didn't want to be divorced.
It's that Toby's life was no longer predictable.
He had somehow had the sense of possibility returned to him.
I'd been feeling so old.
Here was Toby, exact same age,
just realizing how young he was.
I couldn't believe that it was possible for two people
to be the same age and feel so different.
Which one of us was right?
Which is a way of saying I was going
through something, too, right then,
but I couldn't name it yet.
Are you Elizabeth Slater?
I was.
Sign this, please.
Yeah.
- Thanks. - Thank you.
But this isn't about me.
I don't know what you think you're doing,
but I have two kids at my apartment
for a 7:00 curtain, and it is 5:55.
- (KNOCKING AT DOOR) - Yeah. What? What?
- Yeah. - We missed our reservation!
We'll never get there!
I don't know where she is!
If I called, she'd pick up!
- She hates you! - Enough!
- (DOORBELL RINGS) - Oh! Thank God.
(LAUGHS)
Mom!
- (SCREAMING) - Toby!
I am so sorry. I had a change of plans.
- Whose kids are those? - Mine.
One's a friend of my daughter's, the tall one... No matter.
- I'm not here to be humiliated. - I'm not trying to.
- I am so sorry. - Fuck off!
Yeah.
Dad. Dad. Where is Mom?
Yeah, that woman had the wrong apartment.
- (CRYING) - Are you okay, buddy?
She knew your name.
- I don't know why I'm crying. - Oh, God. It's okay.
I hate you! Where is Mom?
- I don't know, Hannah! - Where is Mom?
TOBY: "Where are you?"
LIBBY: Where was she?
HANNAH: This is so embarrassing! I hate you!
- (SIRENS WAILING) - (HORNS HONKING)
- Synced and corrected by synk - - www.addic7ed.com -