- So, all those in favor?
Then it's settled.
On next month's cover, we will officially break
the nipple barrier.
- Yippee
- remember where you were, people.
- Oh, before we break up,
happy anniversary to Jack and Nina.
- Oh, wow, is it another year already?
- I can't believe I almost forgot.
- Me too.
Thanks, I never would have forgiven myself.
Happy anniversary, Nina.
Oh, you too.
- Oh, my god.
You two are married?
- No, Kevin, every year we celebrate
the anniversary of our friendship.
Anyway, what I... - How do you celebrate?
- Well, we do all the things we did on the
first day we met.
I thought if we left around five.
- Could you be more specific?
- Well, we go out for drinks and then we go ice skating
followed by a midnight trip on the staten island ferry.
- Now you guys ask me somethin'.
- Have you delivered all the mail?
- No.
- Jack, I'm really psyched up about this nipple
on the cover thing.
It's gonna be huge, baby, huge.
- Dennis, what the hell were you thinking?
- What?
- I was so close to getting out of this thing with Nina.
She forgot, she forgot.
- He forgot and then Finch had to open his big mouth.
- I thought you liked this tradition.
- Don't get me wrong.
I love Nina to death, but it's such a production
and it takes all night,
plus the ferry makes me seasick.
- Don't get me wrong.
I mean, Jack is my hero but it's also grueling.
And plus, Jack always deserts me on the ferry
to go inspect the bow.
- Well, if you hate it so much,
why don't you just cancel it?
- No, I can't.
It would crush him.
- She'd be devastated.
- This night means everything to Jack.
- There's got to be a way out of this.
- Did I tell you I bought a dolphin?
It's in a tank in New Jersey.
- Did I miss the meeting?
- Don't worry, I covered for you.
- I was all, "no, I disagree.
"Dad."
- Well, well, well, look what the incredibly late
cat dragged in.
- I stayed at Elliott's place again last night
and I had to go home and change.
- Dear, might I suggest going back during lunch
and giving it one more try.
- You gave me this.
- I was incredibly mad at you that Christmas.
Hey, is Maya's apartment rent-controlled?
- I think so.
- Interesting.
- Are you planning something devious?
- Of course, why else would I be doing this?
Hey, how many nights this week have you
stayed over at Elliott's?
- Um, let's see.
Four, why?
- No reason.
Four nights, four points.
- Four points for what?
- This is just next month's relationship quiz.
Thought I'd see if you two are compatible.
- C'mon, Finch, those stupid quizzes don't mean anything.
- Oh, you both feel that way?
- Yes, of course.
- Ding, ding, 10 points.
- Not that I care, but what's the third question.
- Okay, question 49, man you guys are on a roll.
- Yeah, it's like this quiz was made for us.
- Made for you, okay.
Did you work together for at least two years before dating?
Yes.
- Of course.
Bravo.
And finally, which couple best describes you,
Ivan the terrible and Eva braun,
liberace and Billy Jean king,
or Pablo Picasso and Gloria steinem?
- That's us.
- That is so us.
- Okay, well let me just tally this up.
- What are you doing?
- This is cheese and bop,
it's a korean finger counting system.
Okay, you scored 312 points, oh,
which means get your bags and pack up,
it's time for you to shack up.
- Oh, that is ridiculous.
Like we're gonna move in together
just because we broke 300.
I mean, can you imagine the kinds of people
that would make a major life decision
based on a quiz.
- Let's do it.
- Pardon.
- Let's move in together.
- Pardon.
- I mean it.
Move in with me.
- Says the guy who can't commit to anything.
- Exactly.
And I'm the one suggesting it,
so, I mean that must be a good idea.
I mean, c'mon, you're telling me
you've never thought about it?
- Well, I, of course.
- We've known each other for years.
You stay at my place practically every night.
I think it's time.
- Oh, yeah, sure, until I actually move in
and you freak out and feel all smothered
and need your freedom.
- No, I won't.
Not if you stay in your areas.
I'm kidding.
- I don't know.
- You know what?
I'm not 100% sure either, but I'm sure I wanna try.
What do you say? Me and you?
Picasso and steinem?
Okay.
Okay, okay.
For one month, that's my condition.
Just see how it works out.
- Okay, okay.
But during that month, you can't go back to your apartment.
Okay, no, no, it doesn't exist.
- Deal.
- Okay.
- Now, if I can just get somebody to sublet my place.
- You know, if you guys are in a bind here,
- You know, Jack, you're gonna take a lot
of flack for this little hint of nudity.
- Hey, I got where I am by being bold
and I apologize to no one for that.
- Have you told Maya yet?
- She'll see it on the newsstand.
I'll tell her it was a mistake.
So, you excited about tonight?
- It's gonna be our best anniversary yet.
- You got that right.
Although, - yes?
I mean, yes.
- Well, I was thinking.
The real highlight for me has always been
the ice skating.
- Uh huh.
- I don't know, I feel like the ferry ride afterwards
can never quite top it.
- Are you saying that we should cancel the ferry ride?
- Only if you don't mind?
- Well, I don't mind if you don't mind.
- I don't mind.
- Oh, well, while we're on the subject.
- Go on.
- Well, can anything really top going out for drinks?
- You're right.
That's when our friendship started, over drinks.
- One drink, in fact.
- I didn't even finish mine.
- So, we'll just go out for a drink.
- Perfect.
Of course, when you think about it,
we just had drinks a few nights ago.
- Oh, my god.
Are you saying that we should just cancel
the whole tradition?
- No, no, no, no.
I wasn't saying that.
Were you?
- No, of course I wasn't.
I thought you were.
- Me?
- Well, you're the one who didn't want
to go on the ferry ride?
- Hey, don't put words in my mouth.
I love the ferry.
- Oh, not as much as me.
- Well, you love the ice skating.
- Oh, I do, I do.
I love it all.
- Me too.
- Oh well then, I guess we're on,
the whole shebang.
- Damn straight.
- Fine. - Fine.
- Why can't she just let the whole thing go?
- What happened in there?
- Hey, what's all this?
- Oh, that's my shampoo.
- Seven bottles?
- Yeah, well some of it's conditioner,
some is deep conditioner,
one's for straight and shiny,
one's for volume.
- Wow, it's a world I just barely remember.
- So, you're saying I could have the whole shelf in there?
- It's yours.
See, you see, how well all of our stuff fits together?
Like this plant on the shelf?
It's the perfect addition.
- No, Elliott, that's your plant.
- It is?
- Yeah, and it's kind of dying.
Maybe we should get rid of it.
- You know what, you're right.
I'm just gonna Chuck it down the chute right now.
It really is a horrible plant.
Hey, is this your guitar?
- Uh huh.
- You have to play me a song.
- Oh, no, it's the kind of thing that I just do
when I'm alone at home.
- Guess what, you are at home.
- Oh, well, I'm really kind of shy about it.
- C'mon, you werent't that shy when you were
licking the back of my neck on the subway.
- I didn't lick your neck on the subway.
- When I get out of the shower, you're gonna play me a song.
- Are ya ready?
- I was ready 10 minutes ago.
- Where you going now?
- To get my coat.
- Then I guess you weren't ready, were you?
- I am so sorry.
I didn't mean to take time away
from your precious anniversary.
- My anniversary?
- I mean our anniversary.
- But that's not what you said.
- Can't you just let it go?
- I'd be glad to let the whole thing go.
- Hey, I'm three feet from you.
- You're always three feet from me.
- Oh, well, that could be changed.
Why don't we just forget this anniversary?
- Why don't we just forget all future anniversaries?
- And the ones after that.
- Good. - Good.
- You know, the only reason I talked to you
that day 20 years ago,
is 'cuz you were sitting next to the pretzels.
- Oh, yeah?
Well, the only reason I hung out with you
was because I thought you were Elliott gould.
- Oh,
the house of Finch, the house of Finch,
watching porn in the house of Finch,
watching porn until the morn
dammit.
Yeah.
- Hi, I'm Gwen.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'm an old friend of Maya's.
Is she home?
- You know what, she's not.
She won't be for a month.
I'm the house sitter and I'll tell her you stopped by.
Toodles.
Sorry for the interruption, m'ladies.
Grrr.
- Yeah, I am so sorry but can I use your phone
because I need to find a place to stay.
- Yeah, I...
- Yeah, I know I should have called Maya first
but I guess when you've been living with gorillas
for a year, you lose a little common sense.
- You've been living with who?
- Gorillas.
I've been in the Congo studying their group behavior.
Yeah, bobo was the Alpha male though he was frequently
challenged by Moses and tap tap.
There was this one time,
I'm sorry, I'm babbling.
I've been a little isolated.
- Yeah, well
- in fact, you're the first guy I've talked to in a year.
- You know, you could still stay here.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- I can be a real chatterbox.
- Wait'll I get goin',
I'll talk your pants off.
- I don't think I can do this.
- Of course you can.
- Maybe if you face the other way.
- Maya, this is important to you.
I understand that.
Don't have to worry.
- Okay.
I wrote this song when I was 17.
- Perfect.
- Now don't clap along or anything.
- I won't.
- I want you to really listen to the words
and feel the music.
- I will.
- Can't believe I'm doin' this.
- You're safe, alright,
and, remember, you're home.
- Okay.
Okay, here goes.
This, this is a song that I wrote
about a summer I spent 15 years ago
on a teen tour of France.
A very special summer where a group of strangers
became friends for life.
And where a young girl became a woman
♪ warm nights in Paris
♪ oh, won't we miss them
♪ those warm nights in Paris
♪ where did the time go
♪ cheap red wine we each took our turn
♪ talked about politics but what did we learn
♪ slept in small beds not always alone
♪ the thrill of his touch and pleasures unknown
♪ one, two, three, four
♪ warm summer nights in Paris
♪ oh, won't we miss them
♪ those hot summer nights in Paris
♪ where did the time go
oh, my god, this is awful.
She's gonna stop playing
and I'm gonna have to say something.
Okay, calm down.
She just wants to hear it's great.
Just tell her it's great.
Say, "Maya, it's great, great."
- La la la la la.
♪ Where did the time go.
I'm coming home america.
- What are you doing?
- It's great.
- You're laughing at me.
- No, no I'm not.
- I can't believe this is happening.
It's - you said I was home and safe.
- I'm moving out.
Coming home america.
- So, Maya moved in with someone from work?
- Yeah, some guy named Elliott.
- Oh, right, the photographer.
She wrote to me about everyone in the office.
- On recycled paper, I hope.
So, did she mention a guy named Dennis Finch?
- Yeah, she said that he's a conniving little perv.
- That guy makes me so mad.
- I just realized I don't even know your name.
- It's lonnigan,
Von treeheart.
- That's a strange name.
- Not if you're half cherokee.
- Really, you know I speak a little cherokee.
- Are you serious?
More wine?
- Lonnigan,
- oh, yeah, yeah, yes.
- Are you hitting on me?
- No, no, god, no.
- Because I want you to.
- Baby, you are so fine.
- You know, I'm just gonna go
soak in the tub and listen to some music
and then, maybe, you can join me in bed?
- Maybe I'll join you in the tub?
- I'd rather you didn't.
- I'll see you in bed.
Oh, the house of Finch, the house of Finch
I'm gonna score in the house of Finch.
- I'm back.
Get out.
- This place hasn't changed since the day we met.
- Jack.
- Well, it isn't Elliott gould.
- What are you doing here?
- I came to say I'm sorry.
Through all our husbands and wives,
this is the only anniversary that's lasted,
and I don't wanna throw that away.
- Oh, Jack, you're gonna make me cry.
You know I feel the same way.
- Of course, I know.
That's why I was sure you'd be here.
- I was sure you'd be here, too.
Van horn, party of 12.
Your table's ready.
- Well, not completely sure.
- I understand.
- Hey, would you like to join us?
- I'd be honored.
- Nina, you wanna split some mozzarella sticks?
- Okay.
- Was that Elliott gould?
- Says he is.
- And then he just laughed.
- That is horrible.
You know, I want you to go back to Elliott's apartment
and you apologize.
- Apologize?
I'm the one who opened my heart to him
and he laughed at me.
- You know what, you're right.
I want you to go back to his apartment
and you laugh in his face.
Or just take a walk, clear your head,
get to know you.
- Did I hear splashing?
- Wait, check this out.
Your father's putting a nipple on the cover of the magazine
and when it comes on the newsstand,
you're gonna ask him about it
and he's gonna say it was a mistake,
but he's lying.
- What?
- Yeah.
- We need to talk.
- I don't need to do anything.
- First of all, this place doesn't even exist.
- Oh, is that so?
It doesn't exist?
Then where am I dancin', huh?
Where am I dancin'?
- Is that how you dance?
- You two sound like you got a lot of catching up
to do in the hallway.
- Look, I'm sorry but you should be sorry, too.
- This is your apology?
- Say no.
- I mean, we're living together for 30 minutes.
There's one problem and you run away.
- That song was important to me and for that reason alone
it should be important to you, too.
- Say she's right.
- Alright, fair enough.
You put yourself out there and made yourself vulnerable
so you know what?
Now, I'm gonna do the same thing.
- Really?
- Yes, really.
I'm gonna tell you something about me.
- Oh, please, something about you.
Like you know anything about what it means
to open yourself up to someone.
- I love you.
- How dare you.
- What?
- How dare you say something like that to make up
for what you did.
- What are you talkin' about?
I love you, I really do love you.
- Really? - Yes.
The fact that you care so much about a song,
some song you wrote 15 years ago,
some ridiculously bad song.
That's the kind of thing that makes me
love you even more.
I don't know why, but it does.
- I love you, too.
I was not expecting that.
Oh, I just was not.
- Will you come home?
- I have to.
This place doesn't exist.
- Later Finch.
- Yeah, this time for real.
- Oh, wait, I did it.
I am the saviour of the house of Finch.
I am the saving, the savience Finch.
I am the king of the finchiest house of Finch
that ever there was.
- You're Dennis Finch?
- Uh,
I love you?
- Really?
- Come here, baby.
♪ Nights in Paris ♪ oh, won't we miss them
♪ those hot nights in Paris
♪ where did the time go?
I'm coming home america.
- It's deep.