- Hi Nina.
- Morning Steve.
Oh my god, I'm at work.
- What do you think?
It's for Hanna's third birthday.
It goes 20 miles an hour,
and shoots hard rubber pellets.
I also got her a death buggy
with a rocket launcher.
- Dad, you know you can't give these to Hanna.
They're too dangerous.
- Are you suggesting I bought these for myself?
- Not at all.
- Well fine, then I'm keeping them.
Because Maya is always right.
- Oh Elliot, Elliot...
What time are we leaving for your mom's house?
- Right after lunch.
- Hey what's going on?
- Well, Elliot's driving me to New Jersey
to speak to his niece's nature scout troop about...
Oh, what is it again?
Hate crimes?
- Fashion, Nina.
You'll be talking about careers in fashion.
And I'll be hanging out with my folks.
Check out what I got my mom.
- Awe.
- It's a commemorative plate of San Francisco.
It's our tradition, you know.
No matter where I go in the world,
I always bring her back a plate,
to show her that I was thinking of her.
You know, unless I forgot,
in which case, you know, you can buy them in the subway.
- Meow, meow, meow.
Look everybody, it's Spartacus.
Come say hello.
- Are you gonna, um...
Let him out of his cage?
- No he's resting.
Spartacus just had his first commercial audition today.
Did not get it.
We should hear in a couple weeks.
Tell him he looks thinner.
- Awe, crap.
- Look Spartacus, it's uncle Jack.
He got a new bell, check it out.
- There, there.
Warm and safe.
- Relax, he's just playing.
Aren't you sparty-warty-warty.
Ah!
You son of a bitch!
That was my fault.
I rushed the cage.
Hehe... ow.
- Hey dad, I've got... ow!
- Oh sorry, sweetie.
- You could've put my eye out.
- Wow, from 12 feet!
I mean, I really should be more careful.
- If you guys don't mind,
I'm gonna let Spartacus run around in here,
while I pick up your dry cleaning.
- Is this really necessary?
- Oh, yes.
If I don't let him stretch his legs,
he will be impossible at bath time.
But Dennis... - There's your uncle Jack.
He loves you.
Oh shush.
Have fun.
- He's staring at you.
- I see that.
- Maybe we can just work in the bullpen.
- Please, I'm not going to be chased out of my own office
by some fuzzy little... - Here he comes!
- Oh boy.
- Why don't we just put him back in his carrier?
- Here's an idea, we'll herd him in.
Here, take this remote.
- Can I be the death buggy?
- You're not ready for the death buggy.
Oh, he's quick.
- Oh look, he's chasing the tank.
- Turbo Maya, turbo.
- Hey, I think he likes it.
- We're gonna get ya.
- We got ya.
- Cookies, girls.
Pass 'em around, there's plenty for everybody.
- Hey ma.
- Oh hi honey.
- This is Nina.
- Oh, hi Nina, I'm rhoda.
The girls are very excited to hear about fashion.
- Oh, that's so sweet.
Maybe afterwards, you and I can sit down, one on one.
- Oh.
- Ma, I got a surprise for you.
- Oh?
Oh the city by the bay.
You sure know how to make your mother happy.
- Come on, you're worth it ma.
So I brought my laundry.
- I told you, we're outta beer!
- Hey dad.
That's my dad, he hangs out in the basement.
It's like "the honeymooners", huh ma?
- I hear you, I'm going.
- These two crack me up.
Don't worry ma, I'll run to the store.
- Thanks.
- My folks, they say there's nothing good on TV,
well here's your show.
- Girls, I want you to meet Nina Van horn.
She is going to talk to you about fashion.
- And hate crimes, if time permits.
Hello.
I am the fashion editor at blush magazine.
"Maga" meaning many and "zine" meaning pages.
Many pages.
Any questions?
- Who watches your baby when you're at work?
- Oh, I don't have a baby.
- Don't you wanna have a baby?
- God no.
- Doesn't your husband want a baby?
- Girls, these are all very good questions,
but stop asking them.
But ladies, you need to think bigger.
I mean, haven't you ever wanted more out of life.
To just live for adventure?
- Once I started a fire in my room.
- You just became my favorite.
- Can I get you some water?
- I can't believe Spartacus is dead.
- We were just as shocked as you are.
- But just... it doesn't make sense.
I mean, how could he get from the office to the...
To the copy room, and eat a whole box of toner?
- We have a theory about that,
don't we Maya.
Maya?
- We think someone, possibly an intern,
left the door open, allowing spartac...
Allowing Spartacus...
I'm sorry dad, I can't.
- We're all devastated, sweetheart.
My point is, his soul has gone to a better place.
- I know, I know.
- His earthly remains, however... - Oh.
Jack your sweater's in here.
- Keep it.
Get a grip, you almost blew it.
- I just don't feel right about this.
- Hey, don't be so selfish.
This is for Dennis.
- But dad...
- How would he feel coming to work every day,
knowing we killed his cat,
all the while getting our coffee,
running our errands...
It would destroy him.
- He doesn't do those things for me.
- Would you like him to?
- Down, down, down,
tumbled my dress from the top of the empire state building.
And I said to myself,
"Nina, you are going to jail in the greatest city on earth."
- Nina, can I have adventures like you?
Of course you can.
The secret is, don't let anyone tell you how to live.
I never did.
Except for the three years when I was in a cult,
and the alternative was death.
- Sorry it took me so long.
So, have you girls been learning a lot?
- Nina says we don't have to have babies.
- What?
- All we need are good legs,
and a party attitude.
- This is a joke, right?
- Uncle Elliot, when i'm 12, I'm gonna run away,
just like Nina did.
- Alright now, hold on,
the world is a much more dangerous place today.
If you must go, pair up,
and stick to the interstate.
- Alright that's it, meeting's over.
Come on, I'm taking everyone home.
- Hey listen, before you take the kids home,
could you drop me off in the village?
- Oh, are you in a hurry?
Well walk back.
- Fine, maybe I will.
I don't need you.
- Can I keep your lighter?
- Oh, of course you can.
- Out, out, everyone, everyone.
Come on, let's go.
Come on, come on, that's it.
- Do you have a baby?
- No.
- Does your wife want a baby?
- Get in the car.
- You know, maybe I did go too far with the girls.
But if I'm guilty of anything, it's that I...
I want too much.
You know, i'm envious of you people,
with your simple dreams, and your tacky lawn furniture.
I wish I could be happy with so little,
but I... I just can't.
- Take me with you.
- What?
- I'm sick of all this.
I want out.
I wanna live.
- Are you serious?
- Please.
- Get it yourself, you big fat jerk!
He is fat, right?
- Oh yeah.
- Those of you who took the time to know Spartacus,
knew he was more than just an award-winning purebred.
But most of you didn't take that time, did you?
Dennis, Dennis.
- I'll never feel his
Sandy little tongue between my toes again.
- Oh, this is just wrong.
- Wrong and tragic.
There is nothing more to say.
But there is something we can do.
Dennis, so that Spartacus will have the burial he deserves,
the gallo family would like to present to you
a check for $1,000.
- Thanks Jack.
You're welcome, Dennis.
Okay people, let's work extra hard today,
for Spartacus!
- Hello all!
Look who I have here.
- I everybody.
Hi sweetheart.
- Ma, what are you doing here?
- Big news, she left your father.
- What?
- And we just saw al Pacino get his ass kicked,
outside a Starbucks.
- Wait, wait, what was the first thing you said?
- He was in "scent of a woman".
"Whooah!"
- Oh I like that, "whooah!"
- "Whooah!"
- Okay, everybody just shut up.
What the hell's going on here?
- It's something al Pacino said in a movie.
- I know that.
- Honey, uh, maybe we should talk in private.
- Please.
- Oh thank you very much.
- Wait, Finch's stupid cat isn't still in there, is he?
- It's true Elliot, I've left your father.
- That's just crazy.
- Life is crazy.
- Why are you here?
- Well it seems that my little speech,
changed your mother's life.
I reached her with words,
like a teacher or a lawyer or a radio.
- Hey ma.
Come on, let's go downstairs,
we'll have some coffee, we'll talk about it.
And then I'll take you back home.
- I don't wanna go home.
- Oh you're going home.
- Oh no I'm not.
- Yes you are!
- Oh honey, I can't talk to you when you're like this.
- Isn't it frustrating?
- Besides, Nina's taking me to bloomingdale's.
- Chippendale's.
- Oh, right.
- "Whooah!" - "whooah!"
- "Whooah!"
- Dad you are going to be so relieved.
I've resolved this whole thing with Spartacus.
- Who?
Oh right, the cat.
Very sad.
- My therapist said that confessing to Finch
would just hurt him.
So you see, by me not telling Finch,
I give myself permission to feel better.
- You guys busy?
- No Dennis, come on in.
- Alright, I just wanted to thank you.
I took that $1,000 you gave me,
and did something special for Spartacus.
- Oh a plaque?
- Even better... I got him stuffed.
- Mother of god.
- I know, isn't he cute?
The reset his jaw so he's smiling.
- Why's he pointing?
- Oh, he's not pointing, he's on the prowl.
- On the prowl? For what?
- Angel mice.
- He's so soft.
Feel his fur.
- No, no, no, no.
My hands are dirty.
So very, very dirty.
- Nina.
- Good morning, Elliot.
- Where the hell is my mother?
- I went to your place,
and I waited for you all night.
- Oh relax.
Rhoda and I were out until dawn.
She's in Jack's office, sleeping it off.
- Sleeping what off?
- Well, we went to some parties, couple clubs,
played a little poker at Jimmy caan's.
- What the hell is wrong with you, huh?
You come to my house,
you try to break up my parents marriage,
and now you're turning my mother into you.
- Hardly.
If I had made a pass at Jimmy caan,
like your mother did, I would've gotten a lot further.
- My mother does not throw herself at movie stars.
She cooks and takes care of my dad,
and collects commemorative plates.
- You don't know your mother at all.
And it's high time you accept it,
that rhoda dimauro is a very, very different person
than you think she is.
- Get out.
Ma, ma.
- Whoops.
- You lost my mother?
- Alright, alright, Elliot, Elliot.
First things first.
Time to go.
- Where's Jimmy caan?
- Alright, alright.
Buh bye.
- Okay where is she?
- Alright, I'm not exactly sure.
- I swear to god, if something happens to her...
- Alright, just don't be so dramatic.
I'm sure that's her right now.
- Hello.
Ma?
Ma.
- Who is it?
- Where are you?
Uh huh.
Well, just don't do anything until I get there okay?
Alright.
- Where is she?
- She's at the bus station.
She says she's heading west.
She wanted to say goodbye.
I gotta stop her.
- Alright, listen to me for one second.
I saw your mother yesterday at her house,
and I saw her last night.
And last night she was truly happy.
Careful when you hug her, she had her belly button pierced.
- Hey dad, I just...
What's with the cigarettes?
- Dennis knows.
Why else would he bring that cat to work?
He's playing me.
Waiting for me to crack.
- Dad, you've got four lit in the ashtray.
- And he keeps thanking me.
It was a measly grand.
He knows that means nothing to me.
I earn that sniffing a new can of tennis balls.
- For god sakes, pull yourself together.
Put on some Cologne.
You stink of fear.
- Hey Jack.
Your stupid employees are using my cat as a bulletin board.
Can I keep him in here?
- Uh, here, in here?
- Of course you can.
Allow me.
- Thanks for everything.
You guys are the only ones who really care.
I know wherever Spartacus is,
he's thinking of you.
- Meow.
- With Spartacus gone, you guys are my best friends.
- Murderer.
- We killed Spartacus, me and Maya!
- Shut up old man!
- We shmushed him with our little cars.
- You killed him?
- We're really sorry.
But it was just an accident.
- Oh my god.
That means you guys dragged him into the copy room,
and poured toner down his throat?
- It was a game.
No one was supposed to get hurt.
- Look Finch, I know you hate us now.
But you will get over this.
And no matter what, Spartacus will still be here for you,
always and forever.
Of course it's the memory of Spartacus that matters most.
- Ma, what are you doing?
- I'm going to the Grand Canyon.
They say you can ride a mule to the bottom,
and shake hands with the navajo.
- Look, I'm sure you had fun last night.
But you can't just walk out on your whole life.
- Why not?
I've had 35 lousy years of marriage.
I don't wanna make it 36.
- Lousy, what are you talking about?
You guys are "the honeymooners".
Bang, bang, bang, you're outta beer, remember?
- Awe, poor Elliot.
Honey, I know that's what you like to think.
Just like you think I love those stupid commemorative plates
you keep shoving down my throat.
- What? You love those.
- Oh, Elliot, you have this image
of what a mother ought to be.
And I guess, for a long time, I have too.
But I can't do it any more.
- Look, you and dad just need to talk, okay?
It's all about communication.
- No, it's not gonna make any difference.
- Sure, sure it will.
Dad, dad it's Elliot.
Yeah, I found ma.
She's right here.
"Thank god" he says, huh?
"Thank god" huh, huh?
So dad, I think you and m...
No, I don't think that matters right now.
Dad I just found ma,
who cares where your carton of camels is.
- It's up your keister you son of a bitch.
- Aha ha, she says she loves ya pa.
Okay, bye.
He says he, uh... He loves you too.
- Elliot.
- No really, he just...
God, you really hate each other, huh?
When did... when did all of this happen?
- Oh who knows
first you stop talking,
then the sex becomes mechanical...
- Okay, that's good enough for me.
I just want you to be happy, okay?
Are you sure you're doing the right thing?
- No.
But I won't know unless I try.
So, it's off to the desert, huh?
- And after that huh?
- Ah, who knows.
- Here, just call me when you get there, okay?
Or before.
- Oh, thank you honey.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
You be careful, okay?
- Okay.
- I mean, there are a lot of crazy people out there.
- Run rhoda!
You're going to thank me when you come to.