- Heads up, gang!
Big news, my broken heart is mended.
I, Dennis Finch, am in love again.
- You're kidding!
- What's her name?
- Well, right now i'm calling her page 106.
- Uh, Dennis... - You know, it's funny.
Just when you stop looking for love, it finds you.
- That's carmella, she's married.
- Not a problem.
Well, what about this little tease on 202?
- All right, I think I know what this is about.
Nina, if you don't mind, we're gonna have some guy talk.
- I'll start.
So how about that new stud down in the loading dock?
Well, you know where you can find me.
- Eh, Dennis, I'm glad you finally accepted
that your marriage is over,
but don't you need a little time to heal?
- Jack, I just divorced a supermodel.
I may still have enough heat on me to snag another one,
but I gotta act quick
or it's back to feeling up the woman janitor.
- Trust me on this, you need to lay off women.
You need to reacquaint yourself with you.
- I've done that over and over but it makes me sleepy.
- No, I mean re-channel your energies.
Take up a hobby, learn an instrument,
travel awhile.
- Jack, no offense, but I think I can decide
when I'm ready to date again.
I'm a grown man.
Oh, check out the boobies!
- Oh god I'm sorry, that was wrong.
That was wrong, just because we kissed last night
I shouldn't assume...
- No, no, I have an aspirin in my mouth.
- I should go.
- No, no, no, no, no, wait!
Um, maybe we should think this through.
Fact: We kissed last night.
Fact: It's happened before.
Fact: There are feelings at play between us.
- You are a volcano of passion.
- I just think we should proceed with extreme caution.
- I know, I know, because we work together.
Because we don't wanna mess up our friendship, because...
- Because you're kind of a big slut.
- Maya, if you don't mind, I prefer the term swordsman.
And what are you getting at?
- I'm just saying i'm not like the other women
that you hop right into bed with.
- Maya, with those other girls it was about fun
and sex and laughs.
With you it wouldn't be like that at all.
No, I mean, with you it would be...
I mean, thinky, you know.
Funny, sexy, thinky... - Stop talking.
- Yeah. - Okay.
Here's my proposal.
Maybe we should meet for dinner tonight.
- Terrific, a dinner date, then.
- No, no, no!
Dinner meeting.
More structure than hanging out,
less suggestive than a date.
Any questions?
- Yes.
If we make out will you bring the proper forms?
- And I want your most romantic table.
The one near the fireplace.
No, no, no, the booth in the corner.
No, no, no, the fireplace, the fireplace!
Look, look, we need to enjoy the dance of the flames
without feeling the heat, you know?
Hello?
- Oh, I get it.
You're taking out a young model
and giving her advice on the business.
Perhaps you'll suggest test shots back at your place
followed by sexual intercourse.
- It's not like that.
This girl is special.
- How special?
- Special.
- Crying game special?
Hey, give me back my rolodex!
- What makes you think I have it?
- Well, because eight models have called
to complain that you've been harassing them for dates.
- Hmm, well, one of them accepted.
- She was afraid!
She thought you were in the house.
Anyway, don't you think you're aiming a little high.
- Not at all.
Adrienne was voted the seventh most beautiful woman
in the world.
I'm willing to go as low as number 30.
31 if she's got a trampoline.
- Hey, you guys.
Guess who's on her way up?
My old assistant, Cindy!
- Oh no. - Oh no,
not that gold brick of stupid from the idiot bank.
- "Hi, I'm Cindy!
A song is a poem that loves to dance!
Every time you give a hug, a bunny gets its wings!"
- And here's yours!
- Oh!
Cindy!
- I brought everyone Thanksgiving muffins.
They're no fat, so big yummy, small tummy!
- Do I smell heaven or is that Cindy?
- Born and raised!
- Come here and give your uncle Jack a big hug!
- One order of bunny wings coming up!
- Everyone!
Our little Cindy has gone on
to become a very important person!
Tell them, Cindy.
- I am a media buyer.
I purchase large blocks of space for our clients
to advertise their products.
- What?
Cindy are you sure?
- Pretty sure.
You see, after I left here,
I got fired from a whole bunch of jobs.
So I asked myself, "what would Maya do?"
- Oh, that's sweet.
- So I went to my dad, who owns a huge advertising agency
and he made me vice president.
So thank you, Maya, for launching my career.
- Cindy now buys millions of dollars worth of advertising,
which is... wait a minute, something we sell around here.
- Oh! Small world!
- Let's make it smaller.
- Again!
Who else wants a hug?
- I'll go ask around.
- Oh better not.
No telling what I might do
if I get my hands around your neck.
- Now!
I insist I thank Maya, my mentor and idol,
by taking her out tonight for a thank you dinner
to say, "thank you!"
- Oh, Cindy.
That's so sweet, but actually I'm busy tonight.
- Busy with what, a date?
- Like hell!
No, no, no, it's not a date.
It's a meeting, a dinner meeting, only a meeting.
- So cancel it, okay?
Good, then it's settled.
But first, guess who's got a new gumball machine?
You do?
- No, you do.
- Hey, wasn't that your dingbat assistant?
- Yeah.
- Hey, what's wrong?
- Oh, I'm just dreading tonight.
- What, you think you're a picnic?
- What? No, I'm not talking about you.
My dad is making me go out to dinner with Cindy tonight.
- Tonight?
- Well, I'm sorry, maybe we could reschedule or...
- What?
- Now the next summer, I was on the top
and Amy grossblatt was on the bottom bunk.
And then across the cabin,
Jenny socca was on the bottom and...
Oh, who was on the top?
Who was on the top?
- Heidi goldberg.
- Yes!
Oh, Elliot, I'm so glad you came.
- Who wouldn't want to be seen with two beautiful women?
- A bat?
- Bats are blind, they only care how we smell.
Did I get it?
Woo-hoo! My turn!
All right, who wouldn't wear a shoe?
- Check, please!
- Ooh, I want a baked Alaska.
- Oh no, Cindy, that'll take a half an hour!
- Oh, don't worry,
I have a story that'll take twice that long.
It's all about my yellow poncho.
- You want another drink?
- Make it a pitcher.
- Two more pitchers.
- We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher!
♪ Poncho, poncho, my little friend
♪ when it rains, you cover my end
♪ smack smack smack goes the rain on my hood
♪ smackedy smackedy smackedy smackedy
and that, in a nutshell
is why I love the Dewey decimal system.
Where's my baked Alaska?
You know what, I really should have ordered them
both at the same time, huh?
- Let's run away.
- We can't.
I'm drunk.
Oh, Elliot, I'm so sorry.
You are such an angel to be here.
- Well, then I guess you owe me one, huh?
Well, I guess maybe I do.
- Wow.
You winked.
- Oh, I certainly did.
- So what do you have in mind?
- Oh, I don't know.
Maybe something funny, sexy, thinky.
- Mmm!
Maybe.
- Good morning!
- What time...
How did I...
What are you doing?
- I made all my animals face the other way
before we did uppy downy.
- Uppy downy, what?
- Uh-huh.
- What happened?
I don't remember anything.
- Well, after dinner, me and you and Maya
all got into a cab... - Oh no, Maya.
- And we dropped her off first
because she said she had this big headache.
And I asked her, "what gave you the headache?"
And she wouldn't say.
So I asked her again and she wouldn't say.
So I sang her this little song:
♪ What gave you that headache uh uh
♪ what gave you that headache uh uh
and so she ran out of the cab and into her building.
Then by the time we got to my place,
well you were pretty out of it.
So I helped you up here, we took off our clothes,
and uppy downy.
- Why to do I keep hearing the lone ranger theme in my head?
♪ Uppy down uppy down uppy down down down
♪ uppy down uppy down - oh god!
♪ Uppy down down down
♪ uppy down uppy down uppy down down down
♪ uppy down uppy down down down
- thank me, Finch.
I found you a model.
- Really?
- Oh, I had to help.
You remind me of that story in the Bible
about the little frog who kisses the Princess
and falls down the beanstalk.
- Anyway.
- Oh, her name is Kim.
- Go on.
- Well, she likes them short and she's big on pity sex.
I still got heat!
- Hold on, Nina.
Dennis, big mistake.
Right now you're confused and vulnerable.
Meaningless sex will just make you feel worse.
- Worse?
Or for a few precious moments like you'll never grow old?
Never!
- What happened to everything I said about...
About re-channeling your energies, finding a hobby?
- Jack, I'm not going to a quilting bee.
- That was just a suggestion.
And here's a better one.
- A harmonica?
- Playing the banjo got me over Roberta flack.
A harmonica is gonna get you over Adrienne.
- You realized that based on certain tax arrangements,
I'm legally capable of putting you in a home.
- Hey, Elliot.
- Oh, hi.
- Man, I don't know about you, but all night long,
pounding pounding pounding!
- Yeah.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
You were a Saint to come along.
- Tell you what,
let's just forget the whole night ever happened.
- No, no, no, no, no!
What you did last night really showed me
what kind of guy you are.
Maybe the kinda guy that I could...
- Elliot, you crazy mister jump away rabbit!
You left your belt at my place!
- What?
- Uh, Cindy, no, I think you made a terrible mistake.
That's... that's not my belt, no.
- But your initials are on the buckle.
And you chased me around with it, remember?
Ooh, Maya's got some hustle in her bustle!
- Please, Maya, let me explain.
- Oh, those are the most pathetic words men ever utter.
What's next, "I didn't know what I was doing,
I was drunk, it meant nothing."
- Okay, well now I need a minute.
- Just forget it.
I knew you were a compulsive bed hopper,
but this time you've outdone yourself.
- I'm so sorry, I know it looks bad.
- Looks bad?
- Is bad, terribly bad!
- You slept with another woman on our first date!
- Hey, hold on, I thought we agreed it wasn't a date.
- Oh, it was a date!
- You two are a terrific team.
Cindy just told me she wants to buy eight inside covers.
So whatever you kids were doing last night,
keep on doing it.
- All right, Kim's on her way up.
You ready, tiger?
- I came outta my mama ready.
- Huh, that's pleasant.
- Hey, Nina.
- Uh, Kim, this is Dennis.
- Ooh, he is short.
- Heh, you should see me sitting.
I got it from here.
So, would you like to grab a cocktail?
- I'd love that.
- Yeah.
Sounds great.
Go out, have a few drinks, have some laughs, have some fun.
- Nothing wrong with a little fun.
- Course there could be a little caring.
I mean, what's wrong with a little caring?
Or love for that matter?
You know, some people search their whole lives
and never find their soulmate.
My god, so many feelings are coming up.
Let's just hold each other tonight!
Every night!
I'm not afraid to die because I know
that then we'll be together forever!
Come to me, the time is now!
- No way, you psycho!
- What's going on?
- Oh, Maya.
Why does everyone have to
dump their romantic problems on me?
First Elliot comes to me all brokenhearted
and then Finch has an emotional breakdown
with a 500 dollar an hour prostitute.
- What do you mean, Elliot was brokenhearted?
- Uh, apparently he had sex with Cindy
and it ruined things with someone he really cared about.
- Well, how much could he really care
if he had sex with Cindy?
- Well, I don't know,
but I've never seen him this upset before.
- So, um, this other woman,
did Elliot say anything else about her?
- All right, enough about Elliot, enough about Finch.
Everyone turns to Nina, but what about me, Maya?
Who warms the sun?
- So you understand that my blacking out
and you dragging me into your bed
doesn't make me your boyfriend.
- Oh, I understand.
- Thank god.
- I love you.
I love you!
I'm not gonna stop saying it till you tell me you love me!
I love you.
- Cindy. - I love you.
I love you. - Stop.
- I love you.
- Please, stop.
- I love you, I love you, I love you!
- Cindy shut up.
- I love you!
- All right, I love you!
- Cindy.
Um...
I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just gonna say it.
I have romantic feelings for Elliot.
- Really?
- We've had a growing attraction for a long time
and despite what happened last night,
we owe it to ourselves to see where it goes.
I'm sorry and I hope you understand.
- Hope I understand.
Do you think just because I see the world sunny side up
that I'm some sort of half-wit?
That I don't have feelings?
You can just push me aside and it doesn't even matter.
Oh, I understand, all right.
- Oh, Cindy, I'm so sorry.
Okay!
- What?
I can't stay mad at you guys!
"Nature calling, line one!"
Well, aloha.
Which also means hello.
But not right now!
- Maya, I don't know what to say.
I'm, uh, I'm overwhelmed, I'm feeling so many things.
- Okay, I'll see you back at the office.
- What? Wait, hold on.
What about romantic feelings and growing attraction?
- Well, that was just to get rid of Cindy.
I knew eventually you'd strangle her
and that would be bad for business.
- Oh, I see, just business.
- That's right.
- So I guess there's no chance of...
Of a dinner meeting, huh?
- Good guess.
Hey, come on, you know, we're friends.
Let's just keep it that way.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
Yes.
I gotta go.
- Women!
- Shut up.
Sea breeze.
- Hi, Dennis!
- Gah.
- Uh-oh!
Looks like your frown's in town.
I'd say your smile may take a while.
Last chance to see my underpants!
- Let's go.
♪ Life keeps bringing me back to you
♪ keeps bringing me home
♪ it don't matter what I wanna do
♪ cause it's got a mind of its own
♪ life keeps bringing me back to you