- Which brings me to the calico.
Which is the rarest piece in the collection.
I defy you to find another one with a butterfly in
it's nose.
- You collect porcelain cats?
Honey, we collect them.
- Uh, Finch, we really need your opinion on this
sports wear layout.
- Right there, if you like to touch him,
gloves are in the top drawer.
- So Finch, don't you think you're taking this honesty
thing just a little too far?
Oh, without hair.
Honesty is making our relationship stronger.
- We're just saying, you don't have to come clean
about everything, all at once.
- My god, Dennis, what are you downloading?
- Oh that's porno, honey, don't worry, it's free.
- Hey, Adrienne, how's it going?
- I feel dirty.
- Great.
- And furthermore, daggit, you have no sense of teamwork.
Your invoices are never complete.
You dress poorly.
- Sorry, I'll come back later.
- No, no, no, Maya it's all right.
Daggit, wait right outside.
And none of your insulate eye contact.
Hey, peanut.
- I had no idea daggit was doing so badly.
- He's no worse than the others, but what's the point
of giving an employee an evaluation if it doesn't
motivate them?
- Motivate him, you to do what?
Wet himself?
- He's fine.
- He was crying.
- Please.
Dennis, is daggit crying?
He says he's not, but he clearly is.
- I'm sorry about that, but it's part of being the boss.
- Yes, but you could also stress positive things.
Throw in some constructive criticism.
- So you would do these evaluations differently?
- Yes.
- Then you do them.
- Really?
- Sure, you're out there in the trenches.
You have this wild new feel good management philosophy.
You'll be great.
- I can't evaluate the staff, they're my peers.
I'm one of them.
- Of course you are, my little heir to the throne.
Let's see.
I just started at d, so the next one up is dimauro.
- Elliot?
- Yeah, you warm up with him and then you're off
and running.
- Fine, I'll do it, but first, say something nice to daggit.
- Oh all right.
Daggit, I'm sorry.
You're a very emotionally aware and sensitive.
And if it wasn't for your big feet,
you'd make an excellent woman.
- What's up, Kevin, how's life in the mail room?
I'm still sorting that out.
- Yeah, nice delivery.
- Huh?
So word in the arcade is it's okay for me and the guys
to talk to your wife now.
- That's right.
- Outrageous.
Finch, this is Amy.
She's my girlfriend.
- Shut up, I'm his sister.
I just moved to town.
- Hey, Amy, Dennis Finch.
- Finch?
Finch, wait.
Is your screen name Finch fry?
- Could be.
- I out bid you on eBay for a planet of the apes nightlight.
- You're Amy-meeny-miney-moe?
- So you gonna make it to laser tag tonight?
- Oh yeah, finally.
- Welcome back, commander.
- Hi honey, I'm sorry I'm late I was being fitted
for a lingerie shoot.
Dennis?
- It's okay, baby, he's a friend.
- Oh really?
Hi, I've never met one of Dennis's friends before.
- You smell like a rainbow.
- I'm his sister, Amy.
Guess which one of us mom was pregnant with
when we lived under power lines?
- So, ready?
- Ready for what?
- Hello, we're going to lunch.
- Dude, she's all over your junk.
- Okay, let's go, lurch.
- They seem nice.
Are they circus folk?
- No, they're just part of my posse.
Which reminds me, wanna play laser tag with me
and the guys tonight?
- I don't know.
- Don't be intimidated, the key is to hide
until everyone else is dead.
- Or, you could come with me and my hairdresser to
Vera wang's house.
We're gonna chain smoke and talk in British accents.
- How is that fun?
- Come on, love, just give it a go.
- Or, we could do something that brings
all our friends together.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Ooh, we should split a grapefruit?
- No, no, no, we should have a party.
I mean we're always running into this problem
of having nothing in common.
- I know.
- So let's bring the two worlds together.
- A party?
- Yeah, like in high school.
When the chess club and the junior rocketeers were
forced to share the multipurpose room.
Two very diverse groups, yet damn if they didn't connect.
- Hey, hey, foxy.
- Hi.
- Hey, I snagged you this Todd Herman bag from the
shoot this morning.
I know it's small but you obviously don't use any makeup.
Or need any.
- Oh, I get it, you found out I'm doing
the employee evaluations.
- You're doing what, sexy?
- Save it, Nina, flattery won't win you a good evaluation.
- Well then what will?
- Doing a good job.
- Well, it's a little late for that, isn't it?
- So I think it's you know, going pretty okay.
- Hello, it couldn't be worse.
Your friends and my friends aren't talking at all.
- I know, I think my friends are afraid.
- Just tell them that models are like any other women.
- That's the problem.
- Let's at least try to get people to mingle.
- Hey, Finch, me and the guys decided that your wife
is the one we'd most like to see wrestle xena
in the slave pit.
- Let's mingle and code red on the drool.
- Dennis, I'd like you to meet someone.
- Hi, I'm Tonya.
- Hi, I'm Dennis, this is my buddy, Kevin.
- Wow, Tonya ward.
When my parents sent me to dungeons and dragons camp,
I had that waterfall poster of you hanging over my cot.
- I don't think so.
That poster just came out last year.
- That's the one.
- The girls and I have been talking.
And no offense, but your husband looks like a leprechaun.
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Come on, guys, circulate.
Make contact with other life forms.
Amy, quit playing on the computer.
We got a party.
- Playing?
We're hacking my way into Skywalker ranch.
- We gotta get to this side, Skywalker ranch?
- Gentlemen, we are now privy to all things Lucas.
- Oh, my god!
- Oh, check it out.
Character descriptions for the next movie.
- Baki-kwa, a shark with legs and a Mexican accent.
Oh, how does he do it?
- Oh, yes!
- Can't you go one night without sorting your change?
- We all have our little rituals.
Like you combing your hair for an hour every day.
- You comb my hair for an hour every day.
Besides, I care about my appearance.
Unlike your friends.
- Oh, really, here's your friends.
How do you get your lips so big?
Oh I inject them with my own ass fat.
- Well, at least my friends aren't perverts.
- What does that mean?
- It means all my underwear is gone.
- Honey, you put your panties in an unlocked drawer,
you're dancing with the devil.
- Whatever, let's just not fight.
- You're right, you coming to bed?
- Hello, I can't sleep with my contacts in.
Hello, your hellos are getting annoying.
Hello, I can't hear you when you mumble.
- Can I please get a glass of water?
- Hi, Dennis.
- Ah!
- Here's your glass of water,
with a crazy straw.
- What?
- Now what's the matter?
- Nothing.
- Okay, good 'cause I have to get some sleep.
They're launching my new ad campaign tomorrow.
I'm gonna be on the side of every bus in Manhattan.
- That is so weird.
- I know, 'cause usually I'm on billboards.
But get this, they're treating my bus ads with some chemical
so people can't draw mustaches or wieners on me.
Or devil horns or monocles or thought bubbles
with something I'm not thinking.
- Blah, blah, blah, I wish a bus would hit me.
- Ah!
- Shh, I'm still talking.
So anyhow, I've actually never been on a bus.
Except for the Pearl jam tour bus,
but that's a little different because they have,
like, a real big shower...
- Come on in.
- Okay.
Let me have it, boss.
- Oh, stop it, this'll be easy.
Your work is incredible.
- Thank you.
- I've been going over your stuff from the last year.
Marveling, really.
You just keep getting better and better.
- Thanks, I push myself.
- And it shows.
If I had to come up with a criticism,
I might say...
Too many sunsets.
But that's with a gun to my head.
- Okay.
- My point is, wow, what a talent.
- Thank you.
- Sometimes I get caught up in my work.
It's good to get outside criticism.
- And some perspective.
- Exactly.
Oh, by the way, I'm doing a shoot tomorrow in Miami.
Maybe if you come along, you can block out the sun
with your big fat head.
- What?
- It'll be fun, you see what I do,
we'll run in the sand and you can block
out the sun with your big fat head.
- How can you possibly be mad at me?
- I'll warn the locals to expect an eclipse.
- Hey, Finch fry.
- Hey.
- If you're gonna grab it, just grab it.
- Oh, no, sorry.
- That's cool.
So, Kevin's taking a nap in the mail room.
Do you want to shave off his eyebrows?
- Oh, uh...
- No, no, no don't worry they grow back in two days.
- Yeah, uh.
I shouldn't.
God, let me ask Jack.
- Dennis, you're a young person.
Why did I see Maya measuring her head?
Something wrong?
- Yeah.
Adrienne and I are fighting.
We have nothing in common.
And there's this other woman.
- Dennis, this is none of my business.
- But she's right outside.
- I'll pretend i'm getting a doughnut.
- Ooh, be cool, Jack, come on.
- Relax, she's gone.
The only person at your desk is some weird chick wearing
black nail Polish in a bowling shirt.
- Oh, yeah, that's her.
- Oh, very cute.
- Yeah, first time I met her, I felt this connection.
- Yes, yes.
We're talking about the girl with the
mismatched tennis shoes, right?
- Yeah, yeah, her name's Amy,
I can't get her out of my mind.
- Yeah, I know the feeling.
- Yes, it's her.
I'm married to one of the hottest girls in the world.
Why isn't that enough?
- Look, I've been married 4 times, and if there's one thing
I learned, it's that you gotta work to keep the magic going.
- Like how?
- Make some simple gesture from the heart.
Take her for a weekend to monte Carlo.
Hide a diamond bracelet in her mink coat.
Or just get her a Rose and tell her you love her.
The most important thing is the effort.
- Right, make an effort.
- Exactly.
- Something romantic.
- There you go.
- I'll write her a poem.
- Nothing in writing.
Well, at least avoid the phrase,
I owe you everything.
So how are the evaluations going?
- Um, great.
I've done 12 so far, and if I had to evaluate myself,
I'd say I was doing pretty well.
I give him one little criticism
and he has a complete meltdown.
- Well, that's Elliot.
Tell you what, when I get back from Miami,
maybe I should do the rest of these evaluations.
- Well, fine, but I want to go on the record as saying
that Elliot was the only one who reacted badly to,
wait.
How did you know that Elliot did that?
- You told me.
- No, I didn't.
- Well, we agree to disagree.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You knew that Elliot was gonna freak out
and you dumped him on me, didn't you?
- Hey, look what walked up to me at saks
and said, "fill me with Maya"?
- Nina, I'm not even doing the evaluations anymore.
My father is.
- Does your wife like cashmere?
- Leave it in my office.
- Thank god you're back.
Maya had a little trouble with the system.
I hear you.
- Hold it!
Well?
- Here's the thing about Elliot.
He's a great photographer, but a temperamental artist.
Or maybe he's just a jackass, I don't know.
The point is, once a year, I have to criticize his work,
and he turns into a raving maniac.
I just couldn't face it again.
- You're a coward.
- Yes.
Well, this has been quite the experiment, hasn't it?
I guess we both learned something today, haven't we?
- All I've learned is that Elliot is a psycho,
and my head is 22 inches around,
which is perfectly normal for my body type.
- Look, I know you're angry, but give me a break.
I'm gonna be trapped on that plane for three hours
with Elliot, I couldn't have given him his
evaluation before that.
- You ready, big guy?
Your luggage is already in the limo.
- You bet, buddy.
So you see my point, right?
- Yeah, I guess so.
- Oh, that's my girl.
- All right, so you guys have a great trip, okay?
- Thanks, pumpkin.
- And enjoy the night life.
- You bet we will.
- Oh, and, Elliot, by the way, my dad's the one who thinks
you shoot too many sunsets.
- Really?
Well, maybe in Miami you can block out the sun
with your big floppy ears.
- Ta-da!
- What's this?
- Welcome to chez Finch.
Your table is ready.
- Oh, this is so sweet.
- Yeah, champagne?
Ooh.
French bread pizzas will be out shortly.
- Aw, you really went all out.
- Well, we've been going through a rough patch.
I wanted to get us back on track.
Tonight let's focus on the future.
- Okay.
- Like, where do you see us five years from now?
- Well, let's see.
In one year, I hope to have my own cable show where
I can be all crazy, but people will think it's funny
'cause I'm a model.
But also I can be serious and tell everyone to recycle
and stop gang violence.
- All right.
- And in three years I want to have my own clothing line.
In four years a film career.
And in five years I want to win the academy award
for best actress.
And me, me, me.
Me, me, me, me, me, me.
Me, me, me, with me, for me.
Me, me, me, hello, me.
Dennis, are you listening?
- Yeah, me, uh-huh.
It's a good plan.
- So, uh, what else do you have planned for tonight?
- Well, first of all, we're gonna rent that movie
I was telling you about.
- It's Johnny mnemonic.
What if they could download your brain?
That would be so cool.
'Cause then you'd have to fight off bad guys
and stuff, 'cause you're super smart.
- Honey, are you listening?
- Yeah, of course I am.
- The point is, it doesn't matter what we do,
as long as we do it together.
We really need to connect, so...
- Yeah, this is Adrienne.
Ooh, it's my agent.
- Honey, honey, i'm in the middle of an,
take it, take it.
- You are such a doll.
- Thank you, baby.
- Hello, I'm talking to Arnie.
- Hello!
Hello!
Will you stop saying that?
It wasn't clever 10 years ago.
Why do you think you have a fresh spin on it?
- Dennis, what's the matter with you?
- What's the matter with you?
You're yakkin' it up on the phone during our special dinner.
- Well, you're babbling on about one of your
stupid Sci-Fi movies.
- Any one of which you'd kill to be in.
- Yeah, but not watch a hundred times with
a bowl of lucky charms in my lap.
- That's a cheap shot, I'm hypoglycemic.
- You're hypo everything!
- Well, maybe I shouldn't be your husband!
- Yeah, Arnie, I have a little thing here.
Can I call you back?
Okay.
I can't believe you just said that.
- Neither can I.
- Did you mean it?
- I don't know anymore.
- Dennis, I think we both might be thinking the same thing.
- Split a grapefruit?
I just think we're too different to be together.
- I'm so sorry.
- Me, too.
- Thanks for having the guts to say it first.
- Well, that was kind of an accident, but you're welcome.
- Thanks for blowing the minds of all my friends.
I can't believe this is the last time we're gonna have sex.
Oh!
- Dennis!
- Yeah, you're right, clean break.
- You're a great guy.
I hope you can find someone to watch Johnny mnemonic with.
- Yeah, maybe I will.
Yeah, maybe I will.
- Should I let that ring?
- No, get it.
I gotta run.
Amy!
Amy?
Amy.
- Hey, check it out.
My tattoo's infected.
- Adrienne!
Adrienne!
♪ Life keeps bringing me back to you
♪ keeps bringing me home
♪ it don't matter what I want to do
♪ 'cause it's got a mind of it's own
♪ life keeps bringing me back to you