- I can't believe you're going to Italy and I'm not.
It's not fair. - Nina.
- Oh, obviously I'm being punished
for that silly incident in China.
You gave the minister of culture your room key.
- Well, can I help it if the entire
country dresses like bellhops?
- Finch.
Blush.
Yeah, this is Elliot.
Oh, hello, maura.
Lunch, huh?
Hold on one second, I'll have to check my schedule.
Ok.
He caught me. - Who?
- This wanna be photographer who's always
trying to show me his terrible photos.
Now I have to come up with another excuse.
- Well, you can come to a luncheon
with me at the planetarium.
All the speakers are from NASA.
- Great, great, thank you for making this easy for me.
Maura, yeah, see you at one.
- What, it's not gonna be geeky.
It's the 30th anniversary of the moon landing.
Real astronauts are going to be there
and engineers and key ground personnel.
Have a nice lunch.
I guess I'm the only one that thinks
the moon landing was a big deal.
- Oh, I'm quite sure of it.
- I know it's silly, but I remember when I was a little girl
wishing that I could've been the first person on the moon.
- You still can be. - Excuse me?
- Well, you know, with the moon
landing being a hoax and all.
Speaking of hoaxes, can you believe ultrasuede is back?
- Wait, wait, hold it, a hoax?
Oh, please tell me you're not one of those people
who thinks the moon landing never happened.
- Oh no, it happened. - Thank you.
- In front of the film crew in the mojave desert.
- Oh, but Nina, come on, you can't seriously believe.
No, no, this is ridiculous.
The moon landing happened, and I've got
better things to do with my time.
- Like write a letter to Santa.
Good one, Nina.
You're late. - Well, it's not my fault.
Adrienne's going out of town on a job for a couple of days,
and she got all emotional and I
had to do a little hand holding.
You're back.
Don't ever leave again, ever, ever.
Don't leave me. - No,
I haven't left yet, honey.
I just came back because somehow
I got your passport by mistake.
- Oh.
Well, I must have yours then.
- Here it is.
There it is, isn't that cute?
- Thank god I checked before I went to the airport.
I might've missed my flight.
- Ah, I never thought of that.
Ok.
- Wait a minute, this is still yours.
- I did it again.
That's cute, too, isn't it?
A little bit?
Don't go.
- Will you feel better if I give you a great big kiss?
- Maybe.
- Honey, I gotta go.
- Ok.
Women.
Can't live with them, you can't.
She left me.
I don't like it.
- Dennis, where's my bagel?
Oh my god, did something happen to it?
- No.
Right here, boss.
- Wait a minute, you didn't scrape off half the poppy seeds.
- Oh, right, sorry, I forgot.
- You forgot?
But you know I love that great poppy
seed taste without the guilt.
- Easy, Jack, his wife is out of town.
I'm here for you, buddy.
- Oh, first time apart, huh?
My first wife used to travel a lot,
so to beat the blues, I'd take a boys night out.
It's how I met my second wife.
- I don't want a second wife.
- Then stay away from a bar called pj mcsuds.
- Hey, why don't you and I hang out tonight?
We'll go catch a rangers game.
- Yeah, I don't know.
Adrienne's ex-boyfriend plays for the rangers.
I don't know if I could sit there and watch that guy
knowing he tried to put his hands on my wife.
- Tried, dude, they lived together for two years.
- That's all he did!
- Of course.
- Look, that guy's ancient history.
Who's the man now?
- I am. - Ah, who's the man?
- I'm the man. - That's the stuff.
Now I want you to pick up that phone, call Adrienne's
hotel and have them fill her room with flowers.
Remind her the kind of man that's
waiting for her when she gets home.
Whoa, scrape my bagel first.
- I really appreciate you taking
a look at my new stuff, Mr. Dimauro.
Your opinion means everything to me.
So what do you think?
Have I improved?
- Well, several of these are actually in focus.
- Yes!
♪ People notice when you care
♪ uh huh, uh huh I owe you, man.
If it wasn't for you, I never would've turned pro.
- Pro?
What, you make money off these?
- Oh, no, these are just to showcase my artist abilities.
These are what I get paid for.
Freelance stuff.
- Wait, that's congressman Maxwell,
and who's that naked woman?
- I'm not sure, but I don't think it was his wife
because he got real mad when I showed him the photo.
And then shazam, he bought me a BMW.
- That's blackmail.
- God, you and my mom.
So are you ready to take a chance on a fresh young upstart?
- No.
No way, no how.
Even if you were one of the most talented photographers in
the world, which you clearly aren't, I wouldn't hire you.
- So you're saying I need more experience?
The old catch-22 thing.
- No, I'm saying that I don't have
an opening for a blackmailer.
- Oh, I think you do.
- Welcome aboard.
- Ok, crisis time.
Put aside whatever you're working on.
I need everybody's undivided attention.
Ok, here's the deal.
- Sorry, Jack, this'll just take a second.
I love you, baby.
- Dennis, what are you doing?
- My wife and I agreed that while she was gone
we'd send each other love vibes every day at 2:15.
2:15 your time or her time?
- Whatever, it's just a silly little.
I gotta make a call.
- Ok, bad news.
The Donna karan interview just fell through.
There's no time to explain why, but for future reference,
her rear end, not to be joked about.
So if anyone here has any ideas,
now is the time to be a hero.
- Well, there's always the old standby,
fashions for female executives.
- Hot damn, you've saved us.
Nina, can you coordinate this with Maya?
- Of course, now these are working women,
so we'll want to shoot them on location.
So Maya, what do you think?
Madison Avenue, wall street, the moon?
- You know, if you think you're gonna draw me into
your crazy moon theory, you are so wrong
because the moon landing happened and everyone knows it.
- Let's just say you two have a difference of opinion.
- A difference of opinion?
This is not some trivial thing like
which is better, cats or dogs?
- Right, because we all know cats are better, right, gang?
Cats rule, dogs can burn in hell.
- How do you explain the photographs
of the astronauts on the moon?
- Astronauts or actornauts?
- Pretty convincing stuff, now...
- But this is so nuts.
I mean, you don't have one shred of evidence.
- Oh, don't I, well, what about
the dark glass on their helmets.
- That's to protect them from the sun.
- Or is it so that you can't see that they're giggling?
- Giggling? - Stop it!
Look, no offense to anyone here,
but only a fool takes up a fool's argument.
- There I'm sorry you had to hear that from your father.
- Hey, Mr. D.
I just want to say thank you for
hiring me as your assistant.
It's like a dream come true.
I'm walking on air.
- You blackmailed me.
- Can we not use that word?
It's kind of negative, like I didn't
get the job on my own merit.
Hey, Nina.
Working hard or hardly working?
Oh, Maury, you're like a breath of fresh air.
Fire him.
- I can't fire him.
- Why not?
- He's very talented. - What?
I've seen his portfolio.
His pictures are dreadful.
- I know, I know, he has a certain something.
- What?
- A photo of me having sex with Finch's wife.
- You're joking, right?
Oh my god. - Look, look,
it was way before Finch even met her.
We were on a shoot in Jamaica.
It was purely physical.
- I'll say.
I've never seen a woman so happy with just one man.
- Thank you.
- Finch must never see this.
It would kill him.
Oh, what am I gonna do?
- Ok, I think I just might have a solution.
- Really?
It's a copy, Nina.
Maury's got the negative.
- Whoa, this guy is good.
- Ok, baby.
Get pouty.
Woo, too pouty.
Too pouty.
Fun pouty.
Lovely pouty.
Fun pouty.
Wah, pouty.
- I thought I told you to sweep up.
- Oh, no offense, I just thought it'd be much
more helpful if I shot next month's cover.
And pelvis.
Go pelvis.
Push pelvis.
Your pelvis.
- All right, let me explain some things to you, ok?
This is my equipment and my studio,
and I'm the only one who takes pictures in here.
And by the way, nobody says go pelvis.
You're not taking pictures in here.
Not now, not ever!
- May I speak frankly?
I respond much better to positive reinforcement.
- Hey, Elliot, Jack wants you to.
Oh, a model in her underpants.
- Finch, not a good time.
- Hey, Mr. Finch.
Elliot's letting me shoot the cover shot.
- No, I'm not.
- You're the boss.
So you want to see the photo that won me the job?
- You know what?
You don't scare me.
Let's end this right now.
Listen, Finch.
Finch.
- Nothing.
Pardon?
- I'm staring at a beautiful woman, yet I feel nothing.
I must love Adrienne even more than I thought.
Can you turn around?
Not even a tingle.
This is the real stuff, Elliot.
My marriage is clean and pure, and no one can touch it.
One more spin.
Nothing.
I'm gonna go call her.
- So if you don't mind, it's a closed set.
- Nina, we have to make some decisions about that artwork.
- Oh, good because I have some ideas.
Ok.
I'm thinking we start with tailored skirts, then move...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, have a seat.
- Oh, but Jack is in a completely...
- Sit.
Now as you see, I've listed the many groups of people
involved in the moon landing, all of whom would have
to be in on your so-called conspiracy.
- Maya, I'm going to say something to you
that I've never said to another human being.
Maybe we should get back to work.
- Nina, think about it.
NASA employees, government officials, Walter cronkite.
Why would they all lie?
- Follow the money.
- What the hell does that mean?
- It means what NASA spent on your so-called
Apollo missions is exactly what Nixon spent
on his covert bombing of Cambodia.
- Cambodia?
- It's a foreign country, dear,
like France, or any of them really.
- But Nina, if we really didn't go to the moon...
- The moon, the moon, the moon.
Please, half the time you can't even see the damn thing.
- Looks like rain today.
- Yes.
It's been a wet month.
- Jack. - Hey, you all packed
for your trip to Italy? - Stay still.
- I bet you're excited. - Yeah, yeah.
Actually, there was something else I wanted to talk to you
about, but you look like you're busy, so I'll come back.
- Come on in.
So what's on your mind?
- Actually, it's kind of personal.
- Dennis, you want to take five?
- No problem.
If his neck keeps bleeding, use a towel.
- So what's up? - Ok, let's say,
hypothetically, a guy sleeps with a friend's wife
before they were married, before they even met.
- You son of a bitch.
I knew I couldn't trust you.
- No, no, it's not Allie.
- Well, hey, you're not made of stone.
- It's Finch's wife.
- What? - You see, that guy
I just hired, Maury?
- Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about him.
He's not so good.
- I know, but he has this photo of me and Adrienne.
- He's blackmailing you?
Don't worry, I know how to deal with dirtbags like him.
Dennis, send that new guy in here.
- You, go finish packing for Italy.
- Thanks, Jack.
I knew I could count on you.
Thank you.
- Hey, Mr. D. - Bite me, Maury.
He is such a character and a terrific boss.
- Cut the crap, sparky.
Your little game is over.
- Have I done something wrong?
- Yeah, you did something wrong.
You messed with my people.
You mess with my people, you mess with me.
This ain't little league my friend.
You're playing galloball now.
- Galloball?
Apparently a sport you don't need a uniform for.
- Elliot, give Maury a chance.
Dennis, give Maury my atm card and a haircut.
- I'm kissing you.
I'm kissing you.
Oh, I'm kissing you.
You getting an earful there, uncle pervy?
- I'm colonel Alan Drake.
- Maya, that astronaut dude's here for you.
- Colonel Drake.
Such an honor. - Thank you.
At NASA, we had monkeys doing your job.
- Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by.
- It's my pleasure.
These nuts who don't believe in the moon
landing really make my blood boil.
- Well, you just wait here.
I'll go get Nina.
Oh, this is gonna be good.
Wow, so you're an astronaut.
- That's right.
- I love to play space invaders.
- Ok.
- Any chance for an autograph photo?
- Sure.
It's good to see they have some fine,
upstanding young men working here.
Not like that $3 bill behind the counter.
- Who's your buzzy bee?
- Nina, I have someone I want you to meet.
This is colonel Alan Drake.
He's an astronaut.
He walked on the moon.
- Oh, is that so?
- You're damn right it is.
And for your to claim the moon landing never
happened is an insult to me and my crew.
We trained, sweated, and sacrificed
to fulfill the dream of a nation.
We were there on the moon,
and shame on you for saying otherwise.
- Well, I don't know what to say.
- You could start by saying you were wrong.
- I'm sorry.
- Yes, finally, reason prevails.
Thank you again, sir.
I think you've put this matter to rest.
- I hope so.
Crackpot theories like yours divert us from
the real problems facing society.
- Oh, I couldn't agree more.
Like world hunger.
- Global warming. - Human rights violations.
- Super intelligent talking mice!
- Yes!
What?
- The super intelligent talking mice
big corporations are breeding.
They crawl into our beds and whisper
what products we should buy.
- Yes, yes, yes, that explains my dalmatian seat covers.
- Oh, no, Nina, talking mice.
I mean, even you couldn't possibly believe for a minute.
Ah, screw it.
- So are you seeing anyone?
- Not when I take my pills.
Hey, where are you going with my equipment?
- Oh, I forgot to ask you.
Can I got to Italy instead of you?
No, you may not.
- Come on, Mr. D.
It'll be such a great experience for me.
I'll work real hard, and I have this
photo of you and Finch's wife.
And I've already learned some Italian.
- You're fired.
- Elliot.
May I call you Elliot?
I'm the last person to throw around advice,
but maybe you should start thinking about Finch.
I mean, it's gonna break his heart
when I show him this photo.
Hey, Finch.
- What's this? - A little going away present.
Elliot just fired me.
- Dude, you fired him?
That's a little harsh.
- He blackmailed me to get the job.
- Oh, well, see, I didn't know that part.
What the hell?
- I gotta hand it to you, Mr. D.
You're a gutsy guy.
Well, I gotta see a man about a horse.
- Look, buddy, it was one night of passion.
It happened, and it's over.
I hope to god that it doesn't change our friendship.
But if you never look at me the same,
I guess I'll understand.
- You slept with colonel Drake?
- Yes, yes, I did.
To my number one space invader?
- That's right.
- I'm gonna need a little time with this.
- So am I.
♪ Life keeps bringing me back to you
♪ keeps bringing me home
♪ it don't matter what I want to do 'cause
♪ it's got a mind of it's own
♪ life keeps bringing me back to you
♪ yeah