- Honey, check out this new move I came up with at lunch.
What it is, what it was.
- Hot.
- I can only do it in these pants.
- What's up?
- Sorry buddy, I can't let you in.
- Yeah, that's my wife.
- Who, Adrienne barker?
- Yeah, I'm her husband.
- Sure you are.
- I'm not kidding, we just got married.
- Just now, in your head, beat it.
- Ooh, is that puff daddy?
- Okay people, let's open it up.
I wanna hear some new ideas,
something fresh, something different.
Come on, now, dazzle me.
Dennis.
- Check it out, put me and Adrienne on the cover
and do a whole piece about our storybook romance.
- Dennis, I like that idea.
Here's what's gonna make me love it.
We keep Adrienne and lose you and the romance angle.
Okay, that's one for me, who's next?
Dazzle me, Maya, go.
- Okay, um, I was thinking it would be fun
to do an article on lost loves.
I mean, everybody's got a story on the one that got away.
- I don't.
- Trust me, dear, you will.
- Maya, look no further.
I got a lost love story for you right here.
As usual, my name will be changed to Jerry.
- Great.
- I met her on my first business trip to Thailand.
She was a beauty, jet-black hair, velvet skin.
Toes like peanuts.
- So what happened?
- We had one magical night and then,
she ran off with another man.
Love you long time.
There's a lie.
- I got your story, Maya.
But it doesn't take place in the far east.
It takes place here in the heart.
- As usual, his name will be changed to Lisa.
- It was about 15 years ago.
Her name was Sarah Tyler.
We'd been dating almost two years,
and we were about to take a sailing trip around the world
when Sarah put her foot down.
Either I propose or she takes the trip alone.
- And you couldn't commit?
- I loved her, but her family was loaded.
And as an artist, I thought it would spoil me.
I mean, she was just too rich.
- You know, that kind of bigotry really steams me.
- Elliot, take it from me.
There's no such thing as being too rich.
- Jack, no offense, but I'm talking serious money.
- Oh really?
- Anyway, I finally realized that I was making
the biggest mistake of my life.
So the night before she was about to leave,
I headed down to the pier.
Hi there.
- What can I do for you, son?
- A dozen long-stemmed red roses, please.
- Who's the lucky lady?
- Only the woman I'm about to marry.
- Well, you sound like a nice young man.
So roses are on the house.
- Uh...
Thanks.
- You know, I've been married for 35 years.
And here's my advice to you.
Always be willing to compromise.
- Wow, I'll remember that.
And thank you for the flowers.
- Take time to listen.
Really listen. - I will,
and thank you for all your advice.
- Never go to bed angry.
- That was it, run over by a delorean.
Sarah sailed off without ever knowing I was gonna propose,
and I spent three weeks in the hospital.
When I got out, I tried to find her,
but she had sailed away.
And I've never seen her again.
- You never saw her again?
- I kept trying to make contact with her until,
you know, I heard she got married.
- And they never caught the driver?
- Nope, got away scot-free.
- That's horrible.
- Can you believe that?
- Geez, can you believe?
- You know, I still can't believe eliot's story.
- Me neither, I mean how much is serious money?
- Jack, I was up all night with this, so stay close.
Your Tuesday at 4:00 wants Thursday at 1:00,
but that's where I moved your Wednesday at 2:00.
I booked me and Adrienne for the cover,
but we still have switch your Friday from 10:00 to 2:00.
Either way your Wednesday's free, you okay with that?
- Absolutely.
Except for the part about you being on the cover.
- Come on Jack, please.
- And to be honest, I'm not too sure about Thursday at 1:00.
- Finch, what's going on?
- I finally have someone great in my life
and no one believes I'm her husband.
- Oh, the only thing that should matter
is how you and Adrienne feel about each other.
Who cares what the world thinks?
- I do.
- But you shouldn't.
- But I do.
- But you don't have to.
- But I want to.
- Tell you what I'll do.
Get me a picture of you and Adrienne,
and I'll get it to my friend at the post.
And tomorrow morning, all of New York
will read about your wedding.
- Thank you Jack, that means a lot to me.
- No problem, Dennis.
- Oh boy, I can't wait to make my friends eat it, uh!
Hi, this is Maya.
I'm not here.
You know the drill, speak frankly, but speak quickly.
- Remember to tape pbs special on wooden roller coasters.
See me later.
- Hey, got a minute?
- Sure, honey, what's up?
- I need to talk to you about something.
Do you by any chance remember that story eliot told
about getting hit by a car?
- Yes, Nina, that was 20 minutes ago.
- Okay, well it's just I may have possibly have
some information about what happened.
Please, your excellency, no means wait.
I know, why don't you reload the hookah.
It's right back there.
Hold on, let me see, can you reach that?
Oh my god, I think we hit a deer.
Never go to bed angry.
- This is unbelievable, you ran over eliot?
- Well, I didn't realize it was him
until he told that story.
I mean, the guy I hit was face-down and twitching.
- And you just left him there?
- I called the police, but the general insisted we leave.
He was about to oppress his people
and he wanted our country's support.
Oh eliot is gonna hate me for ruining his life.
Why does every stupid, horrible thing
have to happen to me?
- This is crazy, I mean, what are the odds?
- Actually, better than you think.
I have terrible luck at that intersection.
- Okay, I can't believe I'm saying this.
But I think it's a bad idea to tell eliot.
- Really?
- Yeah, I mean it makes you feel better, but not him.
- So you're saying that if I had wronged you in the past,
I mean, really, really wronged you,
and possibly changed your life forever,
that you really would never want me to tell you.
- Absolutely.
- Oh well, that solves one problem.
But what about eliot?
How am I gonna hide this horrible secret?
- Just try.
But listen, when you asked how I'd feel...
- Shh, we'll speak no more of it, sh.
You know, it's ironic.
The very night I destroyed eliot's one chance at true love
was the same night I hit him with a car.
- That's not ironic, that's what happened.
- So true.
- Eliot, guess who got Dennis's wedding announcement
into the post?
Could your old girlfriend's serious money
have made that happen?
- Jack, I never meant to imply that you aren't rich.
It's just that Sarah's family was really rich.
- Are you trying to piss me off?
- No, I just...
- The true worth of a man isn't money, it's power.
And I used mine to help a friend.
- Supermodel Adrienne barker was recently wed
to Jack gallo's executive assistant at blush magazine
after a brief courtship.
Blush magazine was founded by gallo in 1967.
Gallo's blush is an industry leader.
Are you even in here?
- Skip to the end.
- Gallo says the millennium looks bright for blush magazine.
The groom was Dennis Finch.
- Groom.
- Everybody wins.
- Well, congratulations to you both.
- Hey Nina, what you doing?
You could've killed someone.
- Nina?
- Nina, what's going on?
- Eliot, there's something I have to tell you.
- What is it? - Nina, don't do it.
- You know that story you told about the night
you went to propose to Sarah?
- Yeah? - He doesn't need to know.
- Maya was driving the car.
- What? - No, I wasn't!
- Nina? - I'm sorry, Maya.
- It was me, I was behind the wheel of that delorean.
- Nina, don't even joke about that.
- Can you ever forgive me?
- Oh come on, give me a break, that wasn't you.
- 13th street and the West Side highway.
- Oh my god.
- I am so, so sorry, I,
eliot?
- You are never to talk to me again.
- Did you hear, gals... - Beat it.
- Well, what can I say, I wanted a supermodel,
so I wentst out and gotst me one.
Okay, say d. Finch is the man.
Say it.
Say it!
There you go, alright thanks, grandma,
I'll talk to you soon.
Hey baby, what's going on?
- Dennis, we have a problem.
- Hi, I'm agent Bob whiteman from immigration.
I apologize for the inconvenience,
but my superior happened to read today's paper
and saw the picture of the two of you.
Once the laughter subsided,
he thought maybe we should investigate.
- This isn't fair, my husband doesn't photograph well.
- Yeah, the camera only adds 10 pounds.
- Look, it's no big deal.
You'll fill out these questionnaires so we can confirm
that you really know each other well,
and I'll be on my way.
- Hey, this is crazy.
How can you even suggest we don't know each other?
And why the hell is our marriage any business of ins?
- Because she's Canadian and her work visa just expired.
- You're Canadian?
- Maybe we should do this downtown.
- Hey come on, there's gotta be some way
we can clear this up right here.
- Well, you can start by telling me her birthday.
- June 10th. - August 4th.
- I'll get my coat.
- All right, look at this old picture of me and Sarah.
You see how happy I am?
How hoping, how trusting?
That's the guy I was the night before Nina hit me.
- You're still that same guy. - Why haven't I been
in a lasting relationship in 15 years?
- Maybe you haven't found the right woman.
- Well, maybe I did, but I lost my chance.
- Maybe there's more than one person for you in the world.
- I don't know. - Oh come on, this cute guy?
- Are you wearing eye shadow?
- I was in a band.
- Eliot, can I talk to you? - No.
- Please, it'll only take a minute
and then afterwards, I'll be out of your life forever.
Except for the 50 hours a week we work together.
- What is it?
- I am so, so sorry.
Eliot, you're one of my closest friends for years,
and there is nothing I regret more than what I did to you.
And that includes what I did to Maya.
- What did you do to me?
- Wait, wait.
Look, I know there's no way I can make up for what happened.
But just let me ask you something.
What if Sarah were in New York and single?
Would you want to see her again?
- Obviously I would.
- Okay, well,
what if she were in Jack's office right now?
- Seriously, how much money are we talking?
One billion, 1.5?
- Sarah?
- Eliot.
It's really you.
Hi.
- It's just a simple questionnaire.
You should be done by now.
Albany.
I'm from Albany, New York.
- He's from Albany. - I know that.
- All right, I've seen enough.
I have no choice but to recommend a deportation hearing.
- I'm here.
- Called you an hour ago.
- Sorry, I had to stop off at the bank and count something.
- And who are you?
- Jack gallo, and these two are not saying another word
until I get a lawyer down here.
- Gallo, your name was mentioned several times
in their wedding announcement.
- That's right.
- You're an extremely wealthy man.
- Thank you, you're very kind.
- I'm guessing you have a house staff of say, three?
- Four, and a driver.
- And I assume that all their papers are in order?
- Why you arrogant little pissant.
Do you have any idea who you're dealing with?
Do you know what I could do to you with one phone call?
Mark my words, I will be back.
- How long do you think he'll be?
- He's not coming back.
- All right, getting back to the deportation.
- This is stupid.
I mean, is it so hard for you to believe
that I could love this man?
- Yes, it makes my head hurt.
- But I do love him.
I love how he makes me laugh when I feel upset or ooky.
I love how caring and attentive he is,
like how he always watches me when I fall asleep.
Or when I wake up or when I shower.
And I love how sensitive he is.
Like how he sometimes cries when we make love.
Or when he stubs his toe or when it's too cold.
So the question isn't how can I love Dennis Finch.
The question is how can I be so lucky that he loves me.
- Ooh, tonight I'm gonna climb you like a redwood.
- See how sweet he is?
- Wow, you really do love him.
- I really do.
- And I love her.
- Yeah, yeah, I get that.
- Thing is, if you love him,
then you could definitely love me.
I mean, I love to laugh.
People say I'm kind.
I give a heck of a foot massage.
Okay, I'm not a great catch,
but clearly that's not what you're looking for.
I swear to god, we could make it work.
Come on, what do you say?
Why not me?
Why not agent Bob whiteman?
- Uh, Bob?
A word please?
- Well, it's no fault of yours,
but it's fair to say i'm in pretty big trouble.
- Well, I guess we can go.
- Hey, did you really mean what you said?
- Every word.
No!
- This place is creepy.
- Yeah, let's go shave your legs.
- I just can't believe you were coming
to propose to me that night.
- I had the ring in my pocket.
They had to cut it out of my thigh.
- Oh, you poor thing.
- So, whatever happened to that guy
you went off and married?
- We had two wonderful years.
He loved to sail, just like me.
And then one summer, we took the boat down to the Caribbean,
hit some rough water, and he drowned.
- My god, that's horrible, I'm so sorry.
- I was devastated.
I still think about it every day.
- And you've been alone ever since?
- Oh no, a few years later I married Eric.
- Oh, that didn't work out, either?
- Oh no, I loved him deeply.
But on our honeymoon, we sailed to Bermuda.
And, it's still really hard to talk about this but,
well, he slipped, hit his head on the boon,
fell overboard and... - Drowned?
- I thought I was cursed, but then I met Gary.
- He didn't drown, too, I hope?
- Oh no, no, no, no.
Of course not.
- No, he accidentally shot himself in the back
with a spear gun.
I consoled myself with the fact that he was dead
before he hit the water.
But now you're here, back in my life.
- Yes, life.
- And I'm not gonna let you get away this time.
We are gonna take that voyage around the world
that we always talked about, just you and me,
and that deep, forgiving sea.
- Hey, working late?
- No, fell asleep.
So, how did it go with Sarah?
- It didn't.
I've just been walking around thinking.
- I'm so sorry, eliot. - Oh Nina, I'm sorry.
- It's ironic, but as it turns out,
you running me over could be the best thing
that ever happened to me.
- Eliot, that isn't ironic, that's what happened.
- Anyway, I guess I've been using that accident
as an excuse to, you know, avoid getting close to someone.
You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, I think so.
So you coming?
- No, you go on ahead.
I think there's someone I wanna call.
- Oh, so getting back on the horse already?
- We'll see, we'll see. - Okay, well,
I'm off to Mexico, I'll see you in the morning.
Hi, this is Maya, I'm not here.
You know the drill, speak quickly but...
- Oh by the way.
Well, I guess there's no reason why
we can't still go out to dinner.