[ Up-tempo instrumental music plays ]
Dan: The thing is,
when you don't have much of a f amily life growing up --
That's the wrong way of putting it.
The things you need, that anyone needs --
what happens is you become someone who r elies on the love
of thr ee or f our million total strangers
watching you on television.
What happens when they go away?
Well, you try to avoid that.
[ Chuckles ] Okay.
Listen --
-- Ah, I gotta go. -- Really?
Yeah, the guy I came with looks like he's r eady to go.
I'm Dan Rydell, by the way.
I know who you ar e.
Thanks.
-- Did I just give you a compliment? -- I just assumed.
Abby Jacobs, and this is my card.
-- You should call me, Dan. -- Yeah?
Call me.
"Menlo Park monogram," thr ee letters.
T.A.E.
Thank you.
Uh, five letters -- "kindergarten adhesive."
-- Paste. -- Thank you.
-- So, what about this? -- What?
-- Right her e, right now. -- What about it?
Wouldn't this be consider ed a date?
-- No. -- Why?
Because you and I ar en't allowed to date
until you've dated other people f or six months.
Yeah, but those ar e just rules that you made up.
"Tabby's tempter."
-- Catnip. -- [ Laughs ] Thank you.
My point is that if an outside observer
wer e to happen into this bar -- a loner, maybe --
-- this guy -- -- The loner.
If this shivering loner wer e to look in this dir ection,
he would assume the two of us ar e on a date.
He'd be wrong.
Mnh-mnh.
The loner's a f airly bright guy who's known f or his smarts.
-- Casey? -- Yes.
The longer you wait...
the longer...you wait.
-- [ Sighs ] -- You know what I'm saying?
-- Start dating other women? -- Yes.
"Yikes," 15 letters.
What's the clue?
The clue is "yikes."
Good evening. I am victorious.
He is.
Jeepers cr eepers.
Ha! Fits.
Yes.
I am victorious, and --
Basically, that's all I had to say -- "I am victorious."
-- Ex cellent. -- Jer emy fix ed the K-Y thing.
-- Y2K. -- Jeremy.
We'r e all set.
We'r e bringing in a prof essional.
We'r e bringing in a Y2K manager.
No need to. We'r e all set.
Jer emy, the whole show runs on computers.
Our entir e organization runs on computers.
-- Yes. -- What have you done?
I've done nothing less than f ace down the millennium and show it who's in charge.
Well, did you use a manual or something?
-- Dana, this is my ar ea. -- It's true.
-- You know, just 'cause you're a nerd doesn't mean -- -- We will run a test.
-- Listen to this. -- What kind of test?
-- A K-Y test. -- Y2K.
-- We don't have a lot of time -- -- A quick test.
Tomorrow night at 6:00, I'll r ecalibrate the computers
to believe that it is January 1, 2000,
and you'll see that we'r e Y2K-compatible
and that I am f acing the f utur e as the servant of no master,
and you'll also take back that "nerd" thing.
6:00 tomorrow night?
Yes, indeed.
Okay.
-- Natalie, a shot and a beer. -- Okay.
Or if they have Mountain Dew...
"Give the slip," five letters.
Elude.
I finished the crossword.
Her e we go, f olks -- 6:00.
Anybody who wants to see this is mor e than welcome.
Ther e's plenty of room in ther e.
Okay, wish me luck. Her e I go.
I talked to her all night.
You talked to her f or 20 minutes.
It was quite a while.
Guys, let's sit down and get started.
[ Air hissing ]
[ Chuckles ]
This Y2K thing is serious, man.
What's that thing next to Dan?
It's the top of Casey's head.
Can we get him a new chair, please?
Chris: Stand by, one through five.
Stand by five.
"Sports Night"'s at ready- 1. We are live in 30 seconds.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
-- I just want to make sur e that's not actually true. -- No.
So ther e's no way we'r e broadcasting this pr eposterous ex ercise?
-- No. -- We'r e just simulating this pr eposterous ex ercise.
Let's do it, baby!
You wer en't just talking to me, right?
-- No, I was just saying in general. -- Dave?
Dave: VTR is rolling. 10 seconds live.
Chris: Loading effects 3, 4, and 5A.
In 3...2...
Good evening. From New York City,
I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall.
Those stories, plus Luciano Pavarotti shocks the track world
by running the 100 meters in 6 seconds,
my mother hits f or the cycle,
and Martina Hingis sings selections f rom "No, No, Nanette."
You'r e watching "Sports Night" on CSC, so stick around.
-- We'r e out. -- Two minutes back.
So f ar, so good.
I'd say a little better than good, Dana --
Chyrons, over-the-shoulder, animation,
sound, cameras, communications --
and what's this?
The L.C. wir e being updated on my PowerBook.
Sandbags on the levee, some plywood on the windows --
a little thing called human endeavor.
-- Ar e you almost finished? -- I'm just saying we have nothing to f ear.
-- I'm just saying you must have gotten beaten up a lot in high school. -- Yeah.
-- She has a name. -- The girl at the bar?
The girl at the bar has a name.
-- What is it? -- Abby.
Nice.
So we can stop calling her "the girl in the bar."
She's not, like, a girl who hangs out in bars, like a bar girl.
-- Mm, I like girls who hang out at bars. -- Me too.
Dave: 30 seconds back.
-- She liked me. -- I like you, too.
We talked f or quite a while.
Yeah, and then she went home with another guy.
The guy she came with?
-- Yes. -- She was with that guy. That was the guy she came with.
You know, and then ther e was me.
Then ther e was you?
-- Ther e was. -- Okay.
In 3...2...
[ Laughter ]
Zamfir, master of the pan flute, was 26-f or-32 in passing...
Cue graphics.
Graphics ar e up.
Graphics ar e up, my good f riends.
As sur e as the sun sets in the west,
as sur e as ther e will always be an England,
the graphics ar e up.
-- Natalie? -- Yeah.
-- Way too much sugar f or him lately. -- I know.
For mor e on that, we take you to our ship's purser, Gopher Smith,
who's standing by on the Lido deck.
Gopher?
Kim: 1:20 back.
She gave me this.
-- Her card. -- The digits.
-- So she's a shrink. -- Really?
Yeah, she's a headshrinker.
Wher e does it say that?
It says so on her card -- "Psy.D.," Doctor of Psychology.
Wow, she's a doctor.
Of psychology.
A doctor.
In the ar ea of mental health.
Hmm.
Have you called her yet?
-- Yes. -- To make an appointment?
I called her to make a date.
You sur e?
Yes.
-- I'm very sur e. -- Uh, if you're sure, I'm sure.
She was a girl in a bar.
-- A therapist. -- By vocation.
In 3...2...
Thank you, Gopher.
We'r e just getting started her e on "Dan and Casey's Dance Fever."
We'r e going to take a commercial br eak, so stay with us.
Dave: We're out. Kim: 90 seconds back.
It's a date, Casey. It's not an appointment.
-- Wher e is it? -- The date?
-- Yeah. -- Her office.
Okay.
I'm sur e she understood that meant I'm picking her up at her office.
I'm sure.
What time?
7 :50.
[ Laughs ] 7 :50?
When she's done with her last appointment.
Sounds to me like she might have one mor e on her schedule.
Hey, don't you work at 7 :50?
No.
-- I work at 7 :50. -- That's why I don't have to.
-- Danny -- -- I'll be gone f or an hour.
Oh, I understand.
You do not understand.
Stand by animation.
Stand by sound 22, 23, and 23A.
Loading eff ects 12.
You guys mind if I do the honors?
-- He wants to push the button. -- Yeah.
Sur e.
At the pr ess of this button, the Y2K problem will officially cry uncle.
And I'll say, "Yeah? Who's your daddy?
"I am! That's right, say it.
Jer emy's your daddy." Then --
-- Jer emy. -- Her e we go.
In 3...2...
[ Static, high-pitched tone ]
Huh.
Yes.
Huh.
Yes. Will?
I've got nothing.
-- Chris? -- I've got no sound in the studio or on the router.
Kim?
My control panel just crashed.
Okay. Well, I'm just gonna run to the ATM,
pick up some bottled water and canned goods,
and I'll be right back.
Hey, hey. This is nothing.
I need to r eaccess the mainf rame and r eboot the system.
-- How long will that take? -- No time.
You understand that, you know, in r eal lif e we'r e doing a show at 11:00.
That's in 4 1/2 hours. I'll be done fixing this in 5 minutes.
Five minutes, everybody.
[ High-pitched tone continues ]
[ Telephone ringing ]
Come on. I'm your daddy.
-- I do not need therapy. -- Okay.
-- You think that's what she thinks? -- No.
-- If that's what she thinks, she's wrong. -- Okay.
Don't you think she's wrong if she thinks that?
Listen, McMurphy, if it wer e up to me,
I'd let you and the big Indian out of the hospital, but --
Hey, let's just hold onto our horses her e.
Now, I may not be a f ramed pictur e of mental health,
but doctor-girl's got another think coming
if she thinks I'm gonna go lie on her couch and, you know, talk to her.
-- Okay. -- She hangs out in bars, Casey.
Like I'm supposed to take advice f rom some gin-soaked floozy?
-- Yeah. -- I'm going to straighten this out.
-- When? -- 7 :50.
-- At her office? -- Yes, indeed.
Casey.
-- Natalie...l'm not crazy. -- Yeah.
Yeah, right.
You need to cut 20 seconds f rom the Pac-10.
No problem.
Also, you should know that Sam Donovan called
-- f rom Detroit last night and said it was a good show. -- Gr eat.
-- Wait. -- What?
He's telling Casey it was a good show?
He's telling all of us it was a good show.
-- But you wer e telling Casey. -- I was telling both of you.
-- You wer e looking at Casey. -- I was looking at both of you.
You wer e looking at Casey longer.
-- This isn't gonna make you any crazier, is it? -- No.
Jer emy's got it just about fix ed, so it'll just be --
[ Sighs ]
I'm not crazy, right? The lights did just go out?
Yeah.
Jer emy?
-- Jeremy? -- It's going to be okay.
-- Is all the power out? -- What do you mean?
-- Is all the power out? -- No, of course not.
-- What did we lose? -- We lost the control room...
-- Yes. -- ...and the studio.
-- Okay. -- The newsroom and the offices,
Editing, Graphics, Engineering, Sound.
Is anything working?
No.
I thought you said we didn't lose all power.
-- I thought you meant in the whole city. -- No.
-- 'Cause the r est of the city is fine. -- Yes, you have to end this test now.
-- Right. -- You can try again another time,
but you have to tell the computer that it's not January 1st.
-- Yeah. Her e's the thing -- -- No.
-- The thing is... -- Please don't say it.
...I can't get the computers back.
You can't get the computers back.
-- No. -- Why?
-- Do you see anything that runs on electricity working right now? -- No.
-- Well... -- You r eally think this is the best time to get snippy with me?
-- I'm trying. -- Try harder.
-- I have to see someone in Physical Resources. -- Fine.
-- Be back in a minute! -- Fine.
[ Thud ]
-- I've walked into a door. -- Yes.
-- Natalie! -- Right here.
-- Whoa! God! -- Hi.
You scar ed me.
Isn't this cool?
Hmm. Let me think.
No!
Okay.
-- They have power upstairs? -- Yes.
-- They have systems? -- Yes.
-- Pr ep studio "B." -- Studio "B"'s a hole.
-- Natalie -- -- It's small, it's water-damaged, it's slightly mildewed.
I agr ee that ours is a much nicer studio.
I guess the only problem is that we can't see it!
-- I'll get things going upstairs. -- Thank you.
Did everybody hear that?
We'r e doing the show upstairs tonight!
[ Silence ]
Is ther e even anybody her e in this room right now?
-- Yes. -- We're here. -- Yeah.
Okay.
[ Door opens ]
-- Hi. -- What?
I said hi.
I'm not her e f or an appointment. I'm just her e socially.
Please don't talk to me.
Okay.
[ Door opens ]
-- Hey. -- Hey.
-- Come on in. -- Sur e.
Is she okay?
-- Who? She's fine. -- Her.
-- She didn't look that good. -- She's fine.
-- Really? -- Yeah.
I mean, I don't want to question your prof essional opinion,
but she looked a little...crazy.
She's fine.
-- Good. -- So --
I mean, she's okay to be walking around on the str eet?
-- Yes. -- Okay.
[ Chuckles ]
Say, listen, do you want to hear something f unny?
Sur e.
Ther e was, among a f ew of the people I work with,
some conf usion over whether you wanted me to call you f or a date
or whether you wanted me to call you f or an appointment.
-- Really? That is f unny. -- Yeah.
Yes, it is.
Have you ever been in therapy?
-- Me? -- Yeah.
-- No. -- Really?
-- Never f elt the need. -- Okay.
-- What about you? -- Me?
Have you ever been in therapy?
-- I still am. -- Really?
-- Yeah. -- That's allowed?
-- It's encouraged. -- You'r e kidding.
Why ar e you surprised?
'Cause I'm ju-- Well, I'm not.
l-I just assumed that someone who needed a therapist
would want someone with, you know, a f ull supply of marbles.
-- Danny. -- Yeah?
I have roughly the same number of marbles as everyone else.
-- I'm sur e. -- So do you.
I have, actually, an ex cess of marbles.
I can tell, and you seem like a nice guy.
-- I am. -- I know.
-- You'r e a nice guy, and you'r e a smart guy. -- Thank you.
So why doesn't your f ather like you?
What?
I believe in cutting through the first six months and getting to the stuff.
Ex cuse me. Ar e we on a date right now, or we having a session?
Which did you want it to be?
A date.
-- You sur e? -- Yes.
Okay.
Why did you ask me about my f ather?
Did you go to school to get good at what you do?
-- Yeah. -- Me too.
-- How 'bout a quick dinner? -- Hang on a second ther e, Sigmund.
Why do you think my f ather doesn't like me?
Why do you think your f ather doesn't like you?
No, I meant, what do you observe about me --
Don't worry about it.
My f ather likes me, Abby.
She likes me just fine.
She?
-- What? -- You said, "She likes me just fine. "
-- No, I didn't. -- Okay.
-- I didn't. -- Let's get a hamburger.
-- Abby... -- Yeah.
-- Why did I say that? -- I don't know.
Dan, it's been kind of a long day.
Mind if we sit down?
No.
[ Indistinct voices ]
Aw, look at this -- Bob Cratchit.
-- This isn't f unny. -- You see me laughing?
-- Hey, listen -- -- Don't move.
Why?
You look nice in the candlelight.
-- Over her e like this? -- You were fine.
No, I want to go back to the way it was.
-- Don't worry about it. -- Over her e?
You know, you can squeeze the lif e out of a moment
like nobody I've ever met.
Well, ex cuse me f or wanting to get it right.
-- I have no trouble ex cusing you f or that. -- Thank you.
We'r e gonna move upstairs to studio "B."
[ Groans ] I'm not wild about studio "B."
Why not?
Because this studio is my home.
For tonight we'll make the other studio your home.
-- It doesn't really work like that. -- I bet it does.
-- Dana -- -- Studio "B." Let's start heading up.
-- Hey. -- Hey, where have you been?
I was cutting some new film.
-- For Or egon State? -- Yeah.
No, f or Memphis.
Guys, studio "B," 10 minutes.
[ Sighs ]
How'd it go?
-- Good. Yeah. -- Yeah?
Yeah. Let me, uh, swap Memphis f or N.C. State, okay?
-- Fine. -- I'm gonna go pull some tape.
Danny --
Casey, I really just want to -- You know, it was no big deal.
-- It was good. -- Good.
-- I'm gonna go pull some tape. -- Okay.
Um, the circuits her e ar e all GFCI.
My point being that ther e's probably no need
to check f or a ground f ault in the Ethernet bridge,
but, you know, yes, go ahead and do it anyway.
I suppose I'm not r eally in a position to give advice,
ex cept to say, is it possible that a spike
in the slave sync signal shorted out the bus?
-- Honey... -- Natalie, I think it's possible
that a spike in the slave sync signal shorted the PCI bus
so the DMA controller had an IRQ conflict.
-- Honey -- -- Dave, isn't it possible that a spike in the slave sync signal
-- shorted the PCI bus? -- No.
Damn it!
Damn it! Damn it!
-- Jer emy -- -- Damn it.
Could you give us the room f or a second?
-- Sur e. -- Yeah, sur e.
It's not a big deal.
It's not a big deal?
It's not.
Look around you.
[ Sighs ] You wer en't her e the first year.
On a list of the top 10 things we scr ewed up,
knocking the power out with a Y2K test
wouldn't have made the cut.
-- This is diff er ent. -- Why?
'Cause this is a metaphor.
-- For what? -- For this! For this!
For this new millennium, which everyone seems to be looking f orward to,
and I'd like to be looking f orward to it.
Why am I having trouble getting on board?
What bad thing do you think is gonna happen on January 1st?
Well, f or one thing, all the power's going to go out.
Yeah, but not in the whole city.
The day isn't over yet.
Guys, it's time to head upstairs.
Dana, tell Jer emy not to f ear the new millennium.
-- Don't f ear the new millennium. -- Do it better than that.
-- Ther e's nothing to f ear f rom the new millennium. -- You see?
Though I suspect you'll be spending a good part of it looking for a job.
Ar e we going upstairs?
Dana: Yes. Natalie: Pep Jeremy up. -- Why?
He f ears the new millennium.
Me too.
Good job.
This century was my home.
Exactly.
Men like Jer emy and me, we'r e 20th-century men.
-- Okay, can we go? -- You really think things are gonna be that different in the next millennium?
I think Dana and I still won't have gone on a first date yet, if that's what you'r e asking.
It was.
Let's go.
The next millennium will be spectacular.
It will be.
I'm managing editor of "Sports Night, "
and 100 years ago, I wasn't allowed to vote.
The f utur e's just fine with me.
And I have to say that I find it vaguely amusing
that a computer that can calculate the quadratic equation
in a nanosecond
hits the panic button when it's asked to count up to 2000.
[ Laughs ] I'll see you upstairs.
[ Laughs ]
Well, anyway, sorry about this.
We've got to get up there.
-- Let's go. Dana: Hang on.
We gotta go.
-- Jer emy, which button did you hit? -- When?
-- When the lights went out. -- Uh, video r elease.
-- Hmm. -- Why?
You didn't.
-- Yes, I did. -- No, you didn't.
I was looking right at the button.
Yes.
-- It said "video r elease." -- Yes.
It was video r elease.
No. And I think this is inter esting.
This section of the board was r ewir ed this morning.
-- It was? -- Yes.
Why ar en't the consoles r elabeled?
As f ar as that's concerned,
ther e's no question that ther e's a way to look at this wher e it's my f ault.
What's another way to look at it?
Ther e's no other way to look at it.
What button did I actually push?
Now, this is wher e I think you'r e gonna find some irony.
It was the panic button?
Inter estingly, it was the panic button.
-- Dana -- -- Hey, I said I was sorry.
It was heartf elt. I made an apology.
-- No, you didn't. -- Like I need to apologize with you people.
Hang on.
-- [ Beeping ] Casey: Yeah!
Ha ha!
-- Dave! -- Sound!
Chris: I've got sound.
-- Will? -- We'r e online.
Let's go!
Two minutes to VTR, thr ee minutes live.
My home.
Dana: Jeremy...
I'm honestly sorry.
-- Ther e's no point in assigning blame. -- What happened?
It was Dana's f ault!
-- Show me Denver. -- I am r einvigorated.
You may have won the battle, but ther e's a war still to be waged, my f oe.
Honey, when you talk to the computers,
you don't ever hear them talk back, do you?
-- No. -- Good.
90 seconds to VTR!
-- The human mind, Alyson. It won't be denied. -- Good.
-- It just won't. -- Okay.
You could try denying it, but it won't work. You know why?
-- 'Cause it's the human mind? -- Damn straight.
-- Can I go? -- Yes.
Okay.
Ar e you sur e you don't want to talk about anything?
Yeah.
You gonna see her again?
Yeah.
Good.
I think I may have some stuff going on.
I know.
-- It's gonna be okay. -- I know.
-- Let's do a good show. -- Danny...
...the human mind will not be denied.
[ Sighs ]
[ Air hissing ]
Dave: Roll VTR.
This is humiliating.
On the next "Sports Night"...
How would you f eel about my
editing out the part wher e he doesn't like New York?
No.
Look, Arnold committed a bit of a Big Apple f aux pas,
and Dana won't let me cut it.
I'm undergoing some kind of nervous collapse.
I should kick your ass.
Kick his ass, Casey.
You'r e not making this any easier.
What's wrong?
This is an emergency.
The Vatican says ther e's no such place as Hell.
Well, that's a load off my mind.