Back in the '80s, yuppies were everywhere.
They played douchey sports. They called their brokers.
And, of course, they ate sushi.
And nobody wanted to be one more than my brother Barry.
Ugh! This is made from grapes?
How do you win at this?
Now everyone will know I have class and money.
And the yuppie trapping he coveted most?
The oh-so-sweet cars.
Jealous JTP!
Matt Bradley, are you so enraged with envy that you cannot speak?
Happy for you, Big Tasty. Just not jealous.
For me, wealth is measured in experiences and...
Ha ha! Hilarious! I like you.
Where'd you get that sweet ride, Bar?
You a hotel valet now?
Close but way off, Naked Rob.
My intimate bedroom friend, Joanne,
just landed a sweet associate job at this big law firm.
And one of the perks is a company car.
Congrats, Joanne. What's the job?
Epstein Dybner Finkelman, mother brothers!
EDF?
They sued that teacher in a wheelchair, and they won her van!
Their TV commercial is so cool!
Who knew the legal team behind big business
would be three old white guys?
My dad said if he'd gotten hired there,
our life would have been so much better.
Like... Like fix-my-foot better.
I'm really doing it.
But despite my full embrace of the role of sugar child
to my sugar mama, don't worry.
- I will still be your friend. - What is happening?
My lady got a high-paying job, creating
an uncomfortable wealth gap between us.
How can I make it any clearer?
Now when we watch Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous,
Barry gets it at a whole new level.
They're just people, like you and me.
- Yeah. - But none of you.
I've been thinking about being really rich, too.
- Ah, you won't. Face it. - Aww. Hmm.
The disparity in our social classes is the elephant in the zoo.
But to reassure you I won't leave the three of you behind...
- There's four of us. - And where's the elephant?
... I brought you a gift.
Leftovers from our upscale lunch.
It's sushi.
It's disgusting. I had 36 pieces.
Now go ahead, lowborn JTP,
sample what you will never sample again.
- So fishy and chewy! - The rice masks nothing!
It's like that time at the lake when the minnow swam in my mouth!
I taste the ocean's anger!
All of this is cured by wasabi.
That's the green goo in the corner of the box.
Mm! My head is fire!
- Oh, mercy! Make it stop! - Why?
Ohh! I need more fish in my mouth!
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It was October 5th, 1980-something,
and I had landed a job on a real movie set right here in Philadelphia.
Yeah, I had a girlfriend. Brea. She went to Brown.
I see that look on your face, but she was totally real.
Anyway, with my dad's passing and my sister having a baby,
I opted to not go to NYU.
Now here I am, about to clock in at the ol' Dream Factory!
Here's your post.
It looks like a folding chair facing away from all the action.
Bingo.
Not to toot my own horn,
but I once should have won
a film festival at my high school.
In that case, you wanna direct the car chase tomorrow?
Please and thank you!
I'll need 50 Matchbox cars to show the stunt coordinator
exactly what my vision is.
I'm messing with you, Spielberg.
Just make sure no one steps in that hole.
But isn't that the cone's job?
You're a quick study. Cone's in good hands.
Also, don't sit.
But there's a chair.
Yeah, it was doing your job
before you got here with all your dreams.
And believe it or not, it only got worse from there.
Oh!
Ohh!
... ninety-nine...
and... 100.
Let's go for a thousand.
And that's when I decided not to go to NYU.
One of the toughest decisions of my life.
Hey, you guys!
Electric Company? Anyone?
- What was that? - Sorry.
I thought you said something.
I haven't talked to anyone
but this cone all day!
Yep, turns out my first entertainment job
wasn't very entertaining.
That was until a special guest star arrived.
- Smile! - Gah!
Oh! There's my little Hollywood superstar
on the first of many major motion pictures!
All dedicated to me!
Oh, good, it's my mom definitely coming to make everything better.
I brought you soup.
They have food here, Mom.
At least I think they do.
I'm not allowed in that tent.
I don't want to interrupt your life's work,
so I'm just gonna get out of your hair
and go around introducing myself to everybody.
Absolutely not!
Everybody's gonna know you came from my body!
Ooh, there's a guy with a megaphone.
Maybe he'll let me use it.
- Hey! - Damn it!
I can't leave my cone!
As my job couldn't get any worse...
Ohh!
... everything about Joanne's job
seemed like it couldn't get any better.
Mazel tov, Jo Jo Bear.
Yeah!
Such an impressive accomplishment.
- Thanks, Daddy. - Epstein Dybner Finkelman.
They're litigious monsters.
They bankrupted that children's charity.
I'm so proud.
Proud enough to serve up your celebratory quiche right now?
'Cause Baby and Mama have a need to feed.
Quiche is gross,
but it's the kind of fancy food
I should get used to now that my lady's raking it in.
I'm doing okay, I guess.
Oh, please.
You should see Joanne's swanky office.
So many books.
She even has an assistant.
Mrs. Thompson.
But I hilariously call her "Mrs. Thomas"
after the famous English muffins.
I'm guessing no one really heard about my desire for wet eggs.
I can now safely admit
that there were times when we thought of Jo Jo as, well...
- somewhat of a [bleep]. - Whoa!
Sorry. It's just that she was so flighty
and never saw anything through.
Well, that's all in the past now.
Seriously, my baby is super hangry. Quiche us, Linda.
What about when Joanne wanted to become a writer?
That word processor never made it out of the box!
- We became writers of so many checks. - Mm-hmm.
Sure. Coupl'a up-and-backs.
Okay. I'm just gonna go right in.
Remember when she was going to major in veterinary medicine?
- Mm! - Do I?
"Hello, Daddy?"
Today I saw a sheep with a nosebleed! I'm out!"
Sheep are just like us.
Come on. Joanne's had her moments.
Now that you're not a financial anchor,
we get to spend our golden years in this house
instead of a retirement home where orderlies do stuff to us.
The stakes were much higher than any of us knew.
- So proud. - So proud.
Thanks, Mom and Dad.
Are there bigger plates?
Yep, Joanne had finally
found something she could stick with.
Or so she thought.
That's a lot of trees.
Don't worry. We represent a client suing the EPA.
We can kill as many trees as we want.
- Pbht! High five! - Oh.
Um, off of that, are we also sometimes on the side of good?
I'm somewhere in between not understanding
your question and not really caring about it.
High five.
While Joanne was feeling out of touch at her job,
my job was making me long for a sympathetic ear.
There's my Francis Ford Schmoopola!
Home so soon? Why aren't you at Studio 54 with one of the Coreys?
No Coreys.
But I do have one new friend, an orange cone!
My job is so dull!
I can't begin to tell you all the things that didn't happen.
Then let's not force it.
You always have a soft landing right here in Mama's lap.
As impossibly weird as that offer is to your adult son,
there is somebody I'd like to talk to.
So many beeps!
You better not be dialing Brea Bee.
Why not? I had a lousy day.
And up until a few weeks ago, she was my girlfriend.
Because you're gonna come across as sad and needy
while she struts across her Ivy League campus.
But right now, I just need someone to talk to that's not you.
Heart shattered into a million pieces.
But, you know, there is another option: Pop-Pop.
He's a great listener.
Pop-Pop, wanna hear about my day?
I vaguely heard my name, and I didn't like it.
Good luck with whatever it is you do and are.
And decision made.
- Brea? - Adam? Hi!
What's going on?
Ready on the set!
And... action!
Uh, apparently, I'm still at work, which I forgot to mention.
Can you hold on a sec?
What the heck are you doing?
Rounding up to make you sound more compelling!
And... cut!
Wow. You're really doing the movie thing.
Yeah, I'm as surprised as you are.
Hey, Adam, it's sultry actress Kathleen Turner.
Whoa! Kathleen Turner's in the movie, too?
Apparently, there must have been some recasting.
I'll be with you in a minute, Ms. Turner!
You actually know her? She was in Romancing the Stone!
And now this for some reason.
Adam, I really need you to rewrite my lines.
You're the only one who understands my voice.
- Which is super breathy and so close to my face. - Yeah.
Wow. Jessica Rabbit really seems to value your input.
Yeah. Be with you in a minute, KT!
Adam, this is so amazing for you.
Everything's perfect.
How are you doing?
Equally good. You know. College.
New people, parties, instant friends.
- So you're really doing it? - I really am.
In fact, I kind of have to go now. My friends are waiting on me.
- Oh, well... - Adam, please hurry.
I don't know if I made this clear,
but I'm movie star Kathleen Turner.
Great catching up! Okay. Gotta go! Bye!
I'm gonna ask you to do something impossible, which is...
explain yourself, lady!
She'll lose interest in you
if she thinks your life is garbage now.
But my life is garbage now. This moment in particular!
She doesn't have to know that.
Why shouldn't she think you're doing just as well as she is?
You know... you are so lucky
you've got such an improvisationally gifted mama.
While my mom's meddling had laid me low,
Barry was living high on the hog of Joanne's job.
How ya livin', Nooks and Crannies?
Barry Goldberg to see Joanne Schwartz.
Sure. My name kinda sounds like a breakfast treat. Got it.
There's my working girl!
How's your day? But first answer this...
Did you snag the firm's Phillies tickets for tonight?
- Oh, I forgot. - Not a problem.
But we should get there early,
in case anyone wants me to pitch.
Sorry, Bar. I don't think I can go.
I-I still have so much more work to do.
Is your work more important
than a late-season match up between two teams
already eliminated from playoff contention?
Thing is, I-I'm just not sure this job
is everything I hoped it would be.
Did you find out that they also don't have Flyers tickets?
It's just a lot more work, and...
Remember when I wanted to be a public defender?
Ah!
I see what's happening here.
Oh. You do?
And I know exactly what you need.
Oh. Phew. I was so afraid to...
An epic Big Tasty pep talk.
- Jo Jo... - Mm-hmm.
... owner of the lips which whisper my name,
you have to find a way to dig deep.
That's one way to go, I guess.
Nose to the grindstone. Elbow grease.
Head down. Best foot forward.
All body parts doing their thing.
And I promise, you'll get there.
That's certainly what I want.
Boom! See you tomorrow morning when you come home to change.
Joanne had started to feel
her new job might not be right for her,
but she needed a voice of experience just to be sure.
Hey, Jo. If you're looking for Barry, he went loafer shopping.
Actually, I wanted to talk to Erica.
That's me. What's up?
You're someone who's quit a lot of things in her life.
Oh, I don't think that's fair.
Geoff, I am who I am, it's fine. What's the issue?
Did you ever think about quitting something,
but you weren't sure you could?
You came to the right place.
Let me tell you something about quitting. It's harder than it looks.
I know, right?
I can only imagine what my parents are going to say.
Yeah, you gotta tune that out.
A good quitter filters out the noise.
But maybe if I just hang in there...
Bup-bup-bup. Do not talk yourself out of quitting.
Believe me, there were plenty of times
that I felt like giving up on quitting.
But I persevered.
Your tone feels right, but the words are so wrong.
You're saying if I think I want to quit, don't give up and not quit?
A true quitter never doesn't quit.
But I have only been there a week.
Well, you know what they say.
"If at first you don't succeed, pack it in, move on."
They say the exact opposite!
Look, I've been in your shoes.
The road ahead looks tough, and you're not sure if you can make it.
- I'm really not. - But you got to ask yourself something:
Am I gonna quit this job or am I gonna quit quitting?
If I don't quit,
I'll never know what would have happened if I did quit.
Attagirl! Now you march back into that office with your head held high
and you box up your stuff!
Thank you, Erica.
You have given me the strength to not keep going.
No one ever said that taking the easy way out is easy,
but nothing worth doing is hard.
- Now go! - Oh!
Okay, as someone who's going to raise a child with you,
I have some very serious concerns.
Come on. I turned out all right.
And Joanne will, too. Probably.
And speaking of not quitting, get the lotion. You're not done yet.
While Erica had helped Joanne find some direction...
Thank you.
... nothing could have prepared me
for the direction my evening was about to take.
'Sup, Goldnerd?
Hey, guy whose name I forget.
Johnny and Carla?
Surprise!
Oh, that call to your ex-girlfriend was clearly a cry for help.
Mama heard her lonely boy and came up with a plan.
You are gonna have adventures right here at home.
You're a townie now.
Townie, please.
I'm merely a temporary local with eyes set on the big city.
Nonsense. You're just as untethered and lost as these two.
Yeah, we are.
We're gonna show you the local nightlife.
Jenkintown after dark.
I have previous plans with Pop-Pop.
Damn right he does. Now you get those geisha hands over here.
I'll get my coat.
I wasn't excited to sample Jenkintown nightlife,
but it was actually kinda fun.
We had drinks...
- Whiskey sour. - Shot and a beer.
Walk me through your virgin margarita flavors.
... we got shoes...
- Size 8. - 11.
Lady's 7.5.
... and we bowled.
That's, uh... zero for me.
For a total of nine. Great game, guys.
Should we go home?
But from there, the rest of the night was not exactly up my alley.
- Trish! Over here! - Ooh! Ooh-hoo!
- Trish? - Ooh-hoo! Hey, guys!
Sorry. My sitter flaked.
Adam Goldnerd, meet Trish... something.
Pleased to meet you, ma'am.
Who's this young fella?
Ethan. Say hello to Adam.
- Can I call him "Dad"? - Sure.
- What? - Can you teach me how to bowl, new Dad?
Sure can.
Oh, what an impossible-to-answer question.
Carla, is Trish a friend of yours?
She crashed into my car. We kept in touch.
We figured she's single, you're single.
Maybe through loneliness, you can make some bad decisions together.
Well, you seem like a lovely lady, Trish,
and certainly nobody's asking, "Is she too young for him?"
Trish? What the hell?
And who might this imposing, irate gentleman be?
Who are you, lame-ass?
This is none of your business, Wyatt!
You and I aren't a thing anymore.
To be clear, we're not a thing either.
I'm just a very new and very minor friend of Trish.
He's going to take me fishing
and be there when he says he will!
I never agreed to that!
You know what? I'm gonna end you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Guys! Take it easy.
I'll hold your glasses while he whales on you.
- Hold his shirt, too. - My shirt?
You got this, new Dad!
Thanks for your confidence, Ethan!
It's time for everyone to say good night to this punk!
- Oh, look! A compelling distraction! - Where?
Thanks for the memorable night!
I was done with Jenkintown after dark.
But things were about to get pretty dark for Barry, too.
Hey, Round Toast!
I need the firm to get me tickets
to WrestleMania at the Spectrum.
Get out.
As in "Get out of town, I'm a wresting fan, too"?
It isn't. Get out.
Turns out, Barry's yuppie lifestyle was coming to an end.
Declined? How could that be?
Are you telling me I have to pay for 19 volcano rolls
out of my own Velcro'd wallet?
Wait! Cease! Do you know who I am?
I'm the boyfriend of someone who just started working
for the firm that leased this car!
Joanne, we've got real problems.
The company card doesn't work, they took back the BMW,
and Mrs. Thomas stopped indulging my cheeky antics!
Well, that's 'cause... I quit my job.
What? Right before the firm's golf outing?
I really needed that sporty getaway.
You know what, Barry?
I could have expected the job to let me down.
I didn't think you would, too.
Oh. I don't understand. What's happening?
What's happening is you're a moron.
But I thought she loved that job.
Nope. Only you did.
Did you really think Joanne's goal in life
was to help rich people get richer?
From your tone, I'm guessing... no?
You've been so consumed with all the perks,
you didn't realize how miserable she was.
Damn it. I have to make this right.
Barry finally understood what he needed to do.
And I had someone I desperately needed to see, Brea.
One ticket to Providence, please.
But it turned out I didn't need a ticket to see Brea.
Adam?
Brea?
She had come to see me.
W-What are you doing here?
I thought you were so busy and happy at college.
I... actually wasn't.
Adam, I'm having a pretty hard time.
And then I heard how you're thriving in your new job...
Let me stop you right there. My life is pretty lousy, too.
I thought you were friends with Kathleen Turner?
That was my mom's sultry voice.
So you mean... both our lives suck?
Totally.
And so, with neither of us moving forward with our lives,
Brea and I decided to move backward, together.
Brea.
Hi, Mrs. G.
I remember her.
She didn't finish her chicken when we took her to dinner.
- Nice to see you, Pop-Pop. - Brea, what are you doing here?
Don't you have college in the morning?
Yeah, but, um...
She might stay for a few days.
- Or longer. - Longer seems right.
Or even longer than longer.
How do you like that? The girl is throwing her life away.
Just like she threw away that chicken.
For Adam, Ben. So everybody wins.
Everybody who matters.
It could work.
Fine! I'll mix in! Just shut up about it already!
Joanne was about to face
the hardest part of quitting her job: Telling her parents.
- You quit? - Oh, Jo Jo. I have to take a knee.
I have to take two knees. And two hands!
Oh, I hope you are happy, Joanne. You made your father table-top.
- W... - Really, though, is anyone surprised?
Look, I know you guys think I'm a flake, but it wasn't like that.
I want to be careful not to overstate this.
You destroyed all of our futures!
Opposite!
Barry? What are you doing here?
Setting the record straight.
For some dumb reason, your parents think you don't see things through.
I won't let them make your quitting EDF a source of shame
when it should be a source of pride.
We should be proud that she barely lasted a week?
No. You should be proud that she was smart enough
to realize why she got into law in the first place.
She wanted to help people.
"Missing You" plays...
How did I not see it?
I didn't at first, either.
She was pushing paperwork for a soulless firm,
even though hers is the most beautiful soul there is.
I'm sorry, Jo Jo.
I guess I just got excited that you finally had a path.
I do have a path, Daddy. It's just not this.
All we really care about is that you're happy.
And I know it's hard to believe after the way I behaved,
but that's all I care about, too.
You're not gonna miss the car, the sushi, or the Phillies tickets?
Oh, big time.
But who knows what the future will bring?
So, when you think about the future, do you think about us?
That's all I think about.
Barry had come to Joanne's rescue.
Meanwhile, my mom had someone else she needed to save.
Hey!
Adam, Brea. Your happiness is my happiness.
Aww!
Don't "aww" that. She's clearly got more to say.
It breaks my heart how much you two miss each other,
but I think we all know Brea can't stay.
It's just been so hard.
- Brea. - It gets better. A lot better.
In fact, it should be the best time of your life. You deserve that.
Damn it. You really do.
I'll give you guys some time.
But, Adam, what about you?
You're gonna figure it out.
And... so will I.
Loving someone means understanding
exactly what they're going through.
If it's okay with you...
can we just sit here for a while?
As long as you're here, I'm not going anywhere.
And whether it's space to grow apart
or just a helping hand as they find their way through life...
giving them exactly what they need...
... is the greatest gift of all.
Gentlemen, it is with a heavy heart
I inform you I am no longer ridiculously rich.
- Wow. - That happened fast.
- Rags to riches to rags. - It was clear how this was gonna end.
Which unfortunately means
I'll be in your lives after all.
Slumming down here in the gutter
with your cooked fish and American cars.
Happy to have you back, Big Tasty.
And in celebration of our reunion,
I brought you one leftover box of sushi to delight in.
That does not look fresh.
Nonsense!
If sliced correctly, sushi can last for weeks.
Now gorge yourselves
on the pizza rolls of the Samurai!
- No, thanks. - I'm all set.
I ate bacteria earlier.
It's visually obvious that shouldn't be eaten.
More for me I guess.
Mm.
Ugh.
Uh. I'm in really big trouble.
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