Alright, welcome back to "Wheel, Wheel, Wheel!"
My friend Orson here has just spun the wheel,
and it landed on 100,
winning you $1,000!
- Congratulations, Orson. - Mm-hm.
Now you get a chance to spin the wheel again.
This time if it lands on 100, you win $25,000!
- Why not give it a shot? - Hmm.
$25,000! That's a lot of money.
Whoa, that's one hell of a spin.
Careful, we don't have a spare!
No, we don't.
So, uh, Orson, uh...
you want to say hello to anyone else watching at home?
No, I said hello to everyone on my first spin.
Alright.
Well, what do you do for a living, Orson?
Work in offices.
Mm-hm! Okay.
Right.
Well, do you have a family at home, Orson?
Nope.
Oh, a man who's married to his work, I see.
Couldn't be further from the truth.
That wheel has not slowed down.
That was one hell of a spin, eh?
You must be very strong.
Do you work out, play sports?
We don't have to talk.
Come on!
Oh, it's slowing down.
Maybe we'll finally get a number.
And...
Slowing down, and... Oh... oh?
Ah, for fuck's sake!
You know, and like...
I never thought about it until you showed up.
I've been spinning in place this whole time.
You know what I mean?
Like, non-stop. Like... who even am I?
You're, like, up there with Mr. Dressup,
Rogers... Mr. Wheel.
You know what?
I took you for granted, my old friend.
You, wheel...
Do I get the car it ran over?
No.
That's mine...
We should have built a spare.
♪ Hey-yo, hey-yo, hey-yo ♪
♪ Hey-yo ♪
♪ Hey-yo! ♪
- Alright, goodnight. - Goodnight, guys.
- Everyone in? - Mm-hm!
Oh, yeah.
Look at them.
They fit so comfortably in this bed.
So cozy...
Of course you are!
You don't have your feet dangling off the edge.
Man... I wish I was shorter.
I wish I was shorter.
I wish I was...
Guled, can you keep your wishing down?
I'm... trying to sleep.
Yeah.
- Sorry, man. - Thanks.
As Guled Abdi went to sleep that night,
he hoped for a magical slumber.
What if...
What if the magic worked?
Aww, fuck it.
Stupid!
Guled, breakfast is almost ready!
Coming!
Ahh!
Oh!
Oh... oh!
Ah...
Oh my God!
Hi, guys!
No!
Oh my God...
...Guled?
Oh my God!
It worked... I'm shorter!
Mm-hm.
And nothing's different about you,
except now you're 5'8"?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I feel great otherwise.
Well, there's only one explanation.
Did you make a wish last night?
Yes, to be shorter.
Next thing I knew, I woke up in some kind of cocoon situation,
and then ripped myself out of myself.
Hmm!
Well, technically speaking,
that wish restructured your cells,
and now you've been reborn as a man closer to the height
- ou feel you were meant to be. - Oh!
If that's the case,
couldn't we just wish Guled back to normal?
Don't be silly!
You can't wish to be taller.
Is there anything we can do?
Uh, no.
Medically speaking, he's short for life.
Wow!
Well, I guess say goodbye to old Guled
and hello to New-led!
But little did Guled realize
the effect his wish would have on his friends.
You wanna see my old skin suit?
No.
Yeah, so it was a Thursday, if you can believe it.
But I thought that...
Okay, how are you all on snacks?
We've got some chicken adobo and some injera coming up,
all of which is halal!
Thanks!
So, how do you know Fin?
Oh, I think we took a music elective in York?
I met him at a movie theatre last week.
Wait, so you don't know Fin very well, either?
No.
I wonder why he invited us to his baby's birthday party.
Huh...
Alright, meet all my friends!
This is fun times! The party's started!
Fin, you can't trick me into going to your kid's party
by lying about your cable issues.
Oh, come on. Let's all hang out.
We're all here!
Sit, stay, enjoy the food!
Little Momo's just with his mama getting a haircut.
Fin, why did you invite all of us here?
What do you mean?
The racial make-up of this group feels deliberate.
Is this for a college brochure photoshoot?
I will not get tricked into doing another one of those!
No!
- Is this a Get Out thing? - Don't drink the tea.
Wait... you only invited us here
'cause we're Black and Indigenous.
No!
I invited you because you're my only...
friends.
- Oh! - Okay.
...who are Black and Indigenous.
- You got me. - Oh, come on.
- You son of a... - Seriously?
Hey, come on, wait, wait! Come on!
I read recently that racial bias starts as early
as three months and we're already behind,
so I wanted Little Momo to meet some
Black and Indigenous folks so he doesn't grow up to be...
racist.
Why just our races? Why not the other races?
I wanted to go in order.
We started with BIs this week and POCs next week!
Okay, yeah, I think this might be racist.
No, it's not racist, it's anti-racist!
Tell them, Gary.
Uh, I'm just here to install your cable.
It would be racist if I didn't want you guys
to meet Little Momo because of your races,
but I want you guys to meet Momo because of your races!
It's anti-racist, baby, for an anti-racist baby!
- We're outta here. - Yeah.
Fetishize someone else, Fin.
Happy birthday, Little Momo!
Hi, Daddy.
I like your haircut. Can't wait to see you soon.
Where's everybody?
They're just leaving, so...
I don't have any friends here.
But we can still have a great birthday!
- Okay. - Just you and I.
Fin?
We're gonna stay.
Really?
- Of course. - Mm.
So, uh, can I wish Momo a happy birthday or what?
Please!
Tom, be the best version of yourself
because you're the first Black person he's gonna meet.
Von, be the best version of yourself
because you're the first Indigenous person
he's gonna meet.
And Gary, be yourself... Black people aren't a monolith.
What?
Hi, Momo! Happy birthday!
Hello!
Huh...
Hm...
Let me try.
Hi, boo-boo-boo-boo!
Whoa!
- Wah! - Oh!
You see, guys? I was right.
Black people aren't a monolith.
You don't get credit for saying that.
- Yeah, we knew that already. - Mm.
So, do you guys know anybody in the LGBT+ community
I can borrow?
- Borrow? - Borrow?
Feels like a weird word.
You're right... rent. We should pay our artists.
- Wow... - Whoa...
I guess you guys were right.
Turns out we do need a height wall.
Hey, fellas!
Do you guys know that trope where a girl
wears her boyfriend's shirt and it slides off her shoulder
'cause it's so big?
I'm doing that with my shirt!
Hey!
Ooh!
Morning.
- Cutie! - Mm-hm!
Oop...
Everything feels like brand new.
Have you guys always been that tall?
Oh, since the day I was born.
Well, that can't be right.
Anyways, what are we gonna do now?
Hmm, do 5'8" stuff?
Bye.
Huh... Kind of vague.
- Mm-hm. - Should we go after him?
Guled went in search of all the world could offer
at his newly shortened stature.
♪ I'm 5'8", and hey, that is oh-so-great! ♪
Hi, Guled!
♪ Check out my new perspective. ♪
♪ It's changed my whole world view! ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah! ♪
♪ My height ain't kidding. ♪
♪ Used to be constricting. ♪
♪ Now all these jeans are fitting. ♪
♪ Mad leg room when I'm sitting. ♪
♪ Oh, yeah. ♪
♪ You know you... ♪
♪ You know what tall guys want. ♪
♪ You'd wanna be 5'8" too! ♪
♪ Tall guy like you. ♪
♪ Yes, it's true. ♪
♪ You know what tall guys want. ♪
♪ You'd wanna be 5'8" too! ♪
♪ Oh, you know you do, you do. ♪
♪ Now that I'm small, ♪
♪ Don't have to take the fall when we're playing basketball. ♪
Ah!
♪ Don't have to carry the team at all. ♪
♪ The downside is I can't keep up with the guys. ♪
♪ Five of mine is one of their strides. ♪
♪ They're TallBoyz and I'm small, Small Guy. ♪
♪ Oh yeah, boo hoo. ♪
♪ You know what short guys want. ♪
♪ Why can't they be short too? ♪
♪ Short guy like you. ♪
♪ Guled, you... ♪
♪ You know what short guys want. ♪
♪ You need friends who are just like you. ♪
♪ Oh you know, just like you! ♪
A BIPOC actor needs to be an expert on three things:
acting, storytelling,
and critical race theory.
Alright, more anger! More energy!
I want you to murder two people at the top of the scene,
- and then... have fun! - Ah.
Get a white name to book those first few roles,
then change it back when you land a series.
Before she was Lupita Nyong'o in The Black Panther,
she was in a Tide commercial as Lucy Sullivan.
Lord Zalkoy must be stopped!
But we still need to save our people from the...
Sci-fi action?
More like sci-fi affirmative action!
What?
Acting is re acting...
...to toxic white fans in a strategic way.
They're online commentors!
- Shoot 'em, shoot 'em! - Pew, pew!
You can't get distracted when these losers get amplified.
- Pew, pew! - Poof!
Lord Zalkoy must be stopp...
You're not the race I imagine
when reading the source material!
If I'm not all the characters, am I any of the characters?
Bullshit, it's not about you.
Yes, use it!
Lord Zalkoy must be stopped!
Now we're working.
Click on "Settings," and you click "Delete App."
And did you, uh, click "Confirm," yes?
Yeah.
And that's how you take it to the trolls.
It's time to recognize
those who have come the furthest:
Lance, Braden, and an Emma Stone-type!
What the hell?
Wait, who even are these people?
How are you gonna have white nominees in a class
specifically for BIPOC actors?
I'm sorry, we'll do better next year.
I mean, we won't, but we'll say we tried!
Ugh, screw this!
We don't need your validation, anyway.
Now we're workin'.
Hey!
Hello, my fine fellows!
Glad you made it.
We adore your work.
The finest brothers in the horror business!
Oh, no!
Come on, buy us dinner first!
Okay, then!
But, today,
we need some really good children's stories.
That we can do.
Alright. Prithee, tell me.
So, there's a boy and a girl, right?
And they get abandoned by their parents.
Yup.
Abandoned?
Anyway, they wind up in the woods
where they meet an old lady who feeds and bathes them.
Oh, that's nice!
Because she's definitely gonna eat them.
- The woman's a cannibal. - Oh, yeah.
My God...
Yeah, but there's a happy ending.
The kids boil the old lady alive.
- Ahh, ahh! - The end!
How is that for children?
It's brutal!
Oh, you wanted stories for children,
not adult horror stories with children in them?
Yes, of course!
Is that a problem?
- Oh, no problem. - Not a problem. Can you give us a minute?
Phew!
Yeah, I think we've got it.
Okay, so there's this teenage girl, right?
And get this: she's super hot!
But her uggo stepmom and her uggo stepsisters
hate her and they want her to do work for them all the time.
The uggo part seems unnecessary.
In fact, it's a no.
Wait, wait, it gets awesome, alright?
Because hottie gets a surprise makeover
- and now she's ten times as hot. - No...
And she goes to this party, right?
And she meets this rich dude who, like, simps for her.
Anyway, she has to roll at midnight.
Because she's underage, yes!
No, she had to leave
because the drugs were wearing off.
No drugs! Why?
But the important thing is that
she leaves her shoe behind.
On purpose, so he could find her later?
No, total accident.
She was hitting the magic a little too hard.
Yeah, but anyway, the prince becomes obsessed
with tracking her down against her will.
He has a bit of a foot thing so he just goes house to house.
Kicking down doors, sniffing toes.
You know how it is: write what you know.
Absolutely not.
That's not a story for children, no!
Okay, let's try again.
Jesus Christ...
Woo! Came up with something.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Alright, we just developed a bunch of premises.
Okay, another hot teen girl, right?
Yeah.
But there is a witch who puts her in a coma.
Happy ending, prince comes along,
kisses her while she's unconscious.
What the hell?! No, that's a crime!
That's not a happy ending,
and that's not the message we want to give to children!
Maybe we're not fit to write children's books.
After all, we are...
Brothers Grimm and Creepy.
But you two are the only literate people in town,
so I guess we've got a deal!
- Oh-ho-ho! - That's amazing.
Thank you.
♪ Hey! ♪
And as everyone waved goodbye on that crisp morning,
his son boarded the train to wizarding school
and his scar hurt no more.
The end.
That was great! I loved it.
Well, I grew up reading these,
and I'm really glad you enjoyed them too.
Does the author have anything else that I can read?
No.
That's it.
- Go to bed. - Really?
What's their name?
I can't, Son.
I wish I could.
It's just the people that make magic, it's complicated.
Oh my God, what did you read to me?
No, Son, no!
I'll check her Twitter account.
Maybe she recanted.
Oh, no...
She just kept on canting!
♪ There's a secret world of magic... ♪
♪ Where my mind could always stray. ♪
♪ Broken spells and evil Tweetstorms... ♪
♪ Must that world now fade away? ♪
♪ Tried to give her second chances, ♪
♪ But her takes make me ashamed! ♪
♪ Is the fandom over ♪
♪ Thanks to She Who Must Not Be Named? ♪
Ohh!
Cap, these books made me who I am.
What does that make me?
Hmm, I see confusion,
but I think you might be complicit.
- No, I don't want that. - Are you sure?
Many great wizards have been sorted into a com...
Ow! Gah!
♪ A lifetime worth of memories... ♪
♪ Is this how the story ends? ♪
♪ No more enchanted letters. ♪
♪ I can hear them now. ♪
If sex isn't real, you're not real!
No, you're a TERF!
♪ The very words I found so fun... ♪
♪ Became the words of someone... ♪
♪ Who just couldn't be more wrong! ♪
Oh, my friends, my friends imagined,
please don't look at me like that!
♪ Broken spells and evil Tweetstorms ♪
♪ Means the magic can't come back. ♪
♪ Broken spells and evil Tweetstorms, ♪
♪ I should have known she might be dense. ♪
♪ Though her words are purely magic, ♪
Quidditch rules just make no sense! ♪
Dad?
Son?
Star Wars.
We have to go buy Star Wars memorabilia.
That's problematic too.
The cultural coding of Jar Jar Binks alone is...
You're ruining my childhood!
Sorry.
The power of wishes is fragile,
and the fun was short-lived.
Those stupid jerks...
Guled, wait!
Dude, where were you?
We looked for you for hours.
Okay, we saw a movie on the way.
Why are you here?
You don't need a friend like me.
Of course we do.
We just lost track of you, man.
It's hard to find you now that you're short.
I guess I was right.
You're just too tall for me now.
Guled, height's just a number...
of inches you are from the ground.
That's what a tall person would say.
You wouldn't understand.
Guled, wait.
Guled!
Ah...
Whoa...
Ah! Wow!
That was lucky. I could be dead.
But instead, it stretched you out.
- You're tall again. - Oh my God!
It's so good to have the old Guled back.
Wait, should we tell someone about
that giant wheel rolling around?
- Nah! - Not my problem.
What, are we gonna solve climate change too?
sync and corrections by solfieri www.addic7ed.com