We're home.
Come on!
I'm freezing.
Good boy.
- Hi. - Hi.
- How are you? - Oh, my God.
- So good to see you, honey. - You too.
I heard you got a job, huh?
A job? Yeah, the modeling thing?
You're gonna work as a model, right?
I mean, we'll see.
Don't know for sure yet.
You still gotta finish high school, though, right?
Exactly, yeah. L.A. was really nice.
- I missed you. - I missed you too.
How have you been?
I'm good. Your dad took good care of me.
Are we all here?
Yeah.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Hi, honey. - How are you?
Oh, my God! So good to see you.
I missed you.
Mwah. I missed you.
Everyone's in bed right now.
I'm...
eating my dad's chicken salad.
And this little bread thing.
I love you, L.A. I had a great time.
Um...
Time to go back to school, I guess.
Back to regular life.
It was fun to be a model for a good... week.
Good night.
And that's me,
my normal self, which is on my phone.
And then suddenly, like,
Ka-bam, bitch.
I look so good.
It's so weird, because I went from my small town,
went across the country and did photoshoots and everything.
Did this whole competition,
and then I was just like right back to where I started.
Which is fine. I knew that was gonna happen.
But I was just like...
I do not wanna be here right now.
I'm gonna be on the Slay website now,
and, I don't know, I think I might be able
to get some modeling jobs.
I'm not really sure yet.
Here's Ally.
So here's...
Ooh, it's...
I miss them, all my Slay girls.
I can't do it.
Uhh!
Since coming back from L.A.,
and being in Sparta,
it just feels so much smaller to me.
I was doing so many amazing things,
and it was so much fun,
and I met so many cool people.
I just miss that excitement, I guess.
This shit is disgusting!
Get down the fucking drain, you little...
Get in there!
You giving her a bath?
- Yeah. - Huh?
The sink? I'm giving her a bath.
You're enjoying it, huh?
Not really.
- Morning. - Hi.
Shut up!
Thanks!
Please get down.
Now.
Hi, Ashley.
Ow.
What are you doing?
Soaking fucking wet!
So my school locked my friend's car in!
It's March 2nd,
and the competition...
it's been, like, two weeks.
It's really no one's business,
but I'm gonna have my surgery.
My confirmation surgery.
About the surgery.
The date is June 17th.
And...
My whole life is gonna change.
It's just... I've been waiting for it.
It's been, like, five years now.
And I've wanted it so bad and for so long,
Now that it's happening,
it's just... It just doesn't feel real.
I feel like someone needs to like, pinch me or something.
But I'm really excited.
...now more than 100 people have fallen ill,
raising concerns that the virus might spread
to surrounding areas.
At least four states, including Oregon and Ohio,
have now ordered all schools closed
while other states are considering similar measures.
Good morning.
Morning Mae.
We're in quarantine.
It's Tuesday.
March 17th.
And it's 10:00.
As the federal government races to respond,
the nation's top infectious disease expert
is sounding the alarm over a lack of testing...
So I don't have school for... two weeks.
I mean, I still have school. We're doing online classes.
Now... I just
do the work.
What are you making?
Pizza dough.
I need help. I'm bored.
Hey, what happened?
I don't gotta do shit.
Morning, Jidu.
- Sleep good? - I did. Did you?
Oh!
You just looked at me.
At the White House press briefing today,
the president stated that the situation is under control.
Meanwhile, hospitals across the nation...
- Hey! - Hey.
Why is it so dark in here?
Put on a light.
What are you making?
Cookies.
Get a spoon.
Literally use this.
Just scoop it out like this and then put...
- What the hell is that? - Is that too big?
That's gonna be a gnarly cookie.
Jane!
Stop!
I'm helping.
Mmm!
Sorry.
Right in my ear!
That's good. Wait, am I gonna get, like...
what is it? Sem... sem... I can't even say it. Salmonella?
Jidu, I made cookies.
Oh, cookies. I'm not gonna have cookies now.
But I made them for you.
- You made them for me? - For you. Special for you.
From scratch.
Okay. I'll put them someplace.
Mae's a very smart girl. She gets straight As in school.
I have a family here that people wish they had.
I always tell Laura, I say, "You know, honey,
you were sent to me from heaven."
I'm gonna start crying.
I'm very sentimental in that respect, you know that?
You should let your emotions out, right?
Well, that's me.
You really need to get your nails done.
These are atrocious.
Nothing's open.
I cold do them if Mom let me get a drill.
The only good thing out of this is that
Emma's coming home.
So that's gonna be fun.
We haven't seen her in so long.
She's gonna hate it so much.
Emma?
What are you doing?
Thought you said you didn't have homework.
I don't. I'm just practicing some stuff.
It's official.
New Jersey schools are closed for the rest of the year.
I thought he was gonna... The year? Like, 2020?
Well, the academic year.
I thought he was gonna say, "It's official.
We're all going back."
"It's official, the nail salons are open!"
Stupid fucking virus.
It might affect my surgery...
which sucks.
I mean, nothing's happened yet, but...
there's a good chance that
if things get worse, that it might be pushed back.
Which is so annoying.
I just want it done.
I want it over with and done.
I'm just so tired of waiting.
Did the doctor get back to you?
What'd they say?
Nothing. They just said you'll be getting a package
in the mail soon, so...
So it's still on?
I just hope it's not cancelled. That all I think.
If it is, we'll roll with the punches, okay?
I just hate life right now.
I feel like I'm being a spoiled bitch or something,
or like I'm just being a stupid teenager or whatever,
but I fucking hate it.
I hate everything right now.
I hate that I'm like, only thinking...
Like, I'm just, like...
"Calm down, bitch.
We got you on your fucking surgery."
But like, bitch, I'm this fucking close.
This close, bitch,
and then a whole pandemic breaks out.
Oh my God!
Of course this happens to me.
But then again like, people are dying so I'm like...
It's not good. It's really bad.
And it's scary. Like, it's not fucking funny.
And it's not a joke, it's fucking scary.
Hello?
Hello.
- Hi. - I just miss my friends.
It was, like, the day before New Jersey
technically went on lockdown.
And then I texted him, and I was, like,
I don't think I should see him anymore.
Why did you say that?
It's so mean.
Like, he was, like, "Are you breaking up with me?"
I was like, "No, I just don't think I should
physically see you anymore."
He was like...
For this upcoming school year,
I'm gonna be doing like, a gap year, I guess.
Because I can't really do anything while I'm healing,
Or I'm gonna do, like...
I guess I'm... A semester or... Just...
I don't even know what I'm doing.
I don't know.
Sometimes I wish I could just disappear.
Bitch.
It's a month before my surgery and um...
we still don't know, or have a confirmation,
that it's still happening.
- How are you, Mom? - I'm good, sweetie.
I'm painting by numbers.
That's what Covid has driven me to do.
How are you feeling about your surgery?
You getting nervous?
No, I don't really think about it.
I think about it all the time.
If Daddy and I can't come see you,
I think of you being alone in a hospital,
if you're gonna be okay with that.
Are you gonna be okay with that?
I don't know. I haven't gone through it yet.
Well, I mean, if you're going through it,
it's a little too late.
Stef said that it would be really hard,
but it's not impossible.
'Cause her parents were there for her?
I don't know.
Would you want to postpone it?
No.
I'm just so over tucking.
Yeah, that's not a healthy thing.
I mean, I don't think so. I know it was very painful.
Yeah.
Remember when we were in Disney World?
No, we weren't in Disney World...
- We were at Universal. - Universal.
You were in so much pain.
I was in so much that I had... I... You bought...
I had to buy you a large t-shirt.
Like, so that it would cover me, and then I untucked.
Just to be comfortable.
Jane's probably the strongest person that I know.
- Hi. - Hi.
I've spent a lot of time alone.
I close myself off a lot.
I guess it makes me, like, a lot moodier.
And Jane, she really taught everybody
how important it is to be who you are.
I mean, she's kind of who I wanna be when I grew up.
She taught me that, you know,
being me is okay.
She's just so...
comfortable and so...
sure of herself.
And it's something... almost nobody...
is really... ever sure of,
you know, who are are and what you want.
And she's amazing.
She's awesome.
I mean, she sucks, and I hate her.
But that's just 'cause she's my sister.
Didn't you take an art class?
Not a painting class.
Painting maybe, but not for nails.
Look, they look good. These look good.
These are the globiest nails I've ever had.
Maybe that's the look.
Maybe we're starting a new trend or something.
The Covid outbreak is getting worse,
and like, the numbers are rising,
but everything else, we're doing pretty good.
As for my surgery,
we emailed them because we didn't know if...
my date was gonna be pushed back more because of the virus.
And...
basically, right now, they emailed us back
and they said if things don't change...
...soon...
they're gonna push my date back at least two months.
Dad, wake up!
This is what I do well.
So annoying.
I don't so anything else well. Mommy will tell you.
What are you even saying?
Help! Send help.
- Send help? - S.O.S.
Coast Guard, where are you at?
I love my children.
Dad, you're so annoying!
"Trump Administration reverses help protections
for transgender people."
I swear, it's like we're living in a nightmare.
It makes me scared.
If I couldn't have, like, my hormones anymore...
just because some...
man passed something like that.
What does it mean?
Like, how does this affect you and...
It just...
I know.
Might see more suicides.
That's what I was thinking.
Why are we allowing them to make these decisions?
Why is this happening?
I don't know, it's just scary.
Looking like I am now...
Going to a boys bathroom, like...
that's weird.
Yeah, I would think that it's not safe for you.
Yeah, it wouldn't be.
Putting you in that predicament
you just want to be a normal kid,
like any other girl.
That's not a lot to ask.
Yeah.
People who don't understand
are making decisions for other people.
There you go. You know what?
And everybody has to have their opinion.
But, you know, everybody's gotta listen too.
You know, it's not okay to not be educated about it
and then voice your opinion.
You know, like, in our country, like the United States, alright,
we're taught that you could be anything you wanna be.
You just put your mind to it,
and you could do anything you want to do.
Do you feel that that sentiment is true for trans people?
No.
I'm not ashamed of how I was born.
I didn't ask to be born like this.
I chose to transition, but I was born transgender.
In my eyes, I think I was born to transition, eventually.
And life would have been so much easier
if I was born a girl,
but I feel like that's a waste of time thinking like that,
because that didn't happen and...
you got the luck of the draw being trans if you are
and, you know, it's not gonna be an easy journey,
but my transition and my experience with everything,
it's gonna be so different from, say, someone else
who's transitioning is gonna experience.
Me, personally, my old name, Jack,
doesn't hold any power over me,
and it's never been a stressor for me,
but for other people who are transitioning or whatever,
like, that can affect them in a very negative way,
having that name be brought up or used against them
in a negative way.
The fact that I didn't have the boy I always wanted
or expected, anticipated,
it was heartbreaking.
Because that was never going to be...
for me and for Jack.
But...
I'd be damned if I wasn't gonna accept
the rest of her life.
I don't look at being...
a boy.
And I don't view that with hate.
I view that with love and compassion and...
sadness. I feel sad for my... for Jack.
'Cause Jack was not happy,
and Jack was going through a rough time.
He was extraordinarily timid.
Afraid of his own shadow.
He was struggling at that time.
And he was little too.
Like, you know, eight, nine, ten.
But, I mean, he had such difficulty
making friends too.
Oh, it was horrible.
It was brutal, and he knew it.
Like, we were scared she was gonna
commit suicide as Jack.
I think she was lost for a long time,
because she didn't understand that she was transgender.
In seventh grade, I would... I would hurt myself,
I would...
I wouldn't eat.
I would make myself throw up.
I would hit myself. I would...
just constantly, physically harm myself.
I would wear...
I'd always wear, like, long-sleeve shirts
and, like sweaters,
and I would always pull it up to cover up my scars.
And my parents didn't know what I was really going though.
Even when I went to therapy, I didn't want to talk about it,
because I never wanted to confess that
because I just thought it was just so awful,
and I felt so ashamed about it.
But I would...
I would just have these moments where, like,
the pressure and like... the anxiety...
everything would just build up in my head and my body,
and I just feel like I couldn't breathe.
I don't, like, ignore that part about my life
'cause it was a part of me,
and, you know, I take pride in, like, all the shit
that I had to go through at 13 as a little boy.
Like, I was going though so much that...
if anything, I wish I could have been there
for myself when I was so young.
Like, me now, I wish I could have been there hugging myself
and teaching myself what I know now
so it would have been easier.
It was a struggle for us... for me, at least...
to say, you know...
I don't know, like, good-bye to our son.
And I remember going to therapy,
and it was a transgender therapist.
You know, she was with Jane for 15 minutes,
and she came out of that room
and she started using different pronouns.
And my eyes crossed.
She's like, "Yes, she is transgender."
and "she" this and "she" that,
and, you know, I'm sitting there going,
"You're talking about my son."
And I just felt a flood of anger.
I said, "You've known my kid for 15 minutes.
I've known her for 14 years."
And I was saying "him."
And I said, "You just came out and said that.
Like, how do I know that what you're saying is true?"
And she kind of talked me off the cliff.
"Laura," she said,
"when children hit puberty, it's kind of like a wall.
And if they can't deal with the fact
that their body is changing,
if they seriously can't deal with the hair growth
or the Adam's apple or the boobs coming in or..."
She's like, "99.9% of the time
that's a transgender child."
She said, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings,
but she's 14 years old,
she has an Adam's apple and she's not happy about it.
She has hair on her arms and on her face
and she's not happy about it."
And-and then you look back and you're like,
I've had conversations... I had conversations with Jack.
"Jack, why are you shaving yourself?
Why are you shaving yourself?
You know, gay men have hair!
It's okay to have hair, you know?"
And, like, I took a step back,
and I just started thinking of everything that was going on.
All the question marks,
and why is that bothering him.
And then it just made sense.
All the dots were connected.
I just got to a point where I couldn't hide it anymore.
I just kinda was like a ticking time bomb and...
I exploded and I needed to...
sit, speak, and be heard.
When she came out as transgender,
she came alive.
She kicked the doors open and came...
Yeah. She went to her first prom.
And she said, "Mommy,
I walked up to everybody.
'Hi. My name is Jane. Nice to meet you.
Oh, you're so beautiful. I love your dress.
I love your hair.'"
And she was all by herself.
She was an hour away from us,
on her first date,
in a dress, looking amazing,
and, like, totally on her own.
And she was, like, not even 15 years old.
When she came back that night,
I never saw her so animated and happy.
I love Jack.
I love everything that I went through.
But it was time to say goodbye to that.
So I have two weeks left until I get my surgery.
I still haven't had a confirmation yet
if it's still on or not.
I'm really scared because...
if I don't find out soon enough it's gonna be cancelled...
I'm trying really hard to be patient, but...
It's really hard.
I just wanna know.
I think the waiting is the hardest part.
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
No. I'm ugly right now.
- No, you're not. - Why would you do that?
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪
Can't feel my tongue...
♪ Happy Birthday, dear Jane ♪
♪ Happy Birth... ♪
♪ ...to you ♪
How old are you now?
Feels like, 50. My eye fucking hurts.
19 years ago today,
I popped you out of my vajayjay.
And the doctor said, "It's a girl."
Look at that.
I was a cute baby.
That's me crying.
When Jane was born, I was giving birth,
and the doctor was holding her and the doctor said,
"It's a girl."
And my husband and I looked at each other like, "What?"
And then he's, "Oh, no, it's a boy!"
So it's just like, okay, maybe it was just a weird joke.
Didn't think of anything. Like, "Ha ha ha," you know.
- Your baptism. - What am I wearing?
You're wearing a nice baptism outfit.
You look so pretty.
The irony of it is that he did not
make a mistake on the day of her birth.
She was born a girl.
My daughter Jane was born a girl.
Shut up, Gretel.
I love you.
I love you, Mom.
You go first. Go ahead. Start singing.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Jane ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
And many more!
Make a wish.
Mash her face in it.
Jane!
I just got off the phone with the hospital,
and apparently they're not postponing your surgery.
So the 17th is the big day.
- Oh, my God! - It's the big day.
They're running a sale, too, it's a two-for-one,
so Mommy can get it.
I can get it.
I can get one too. You're fresh.
Okay? So good news.
I have to tell you guys something.
My surgery's not being cancelled.
Bitch, no way.
♪ I just need somebody to love ♪
This is even better.
You have to wear it.
Eww. Eww.
- Put it on. - Put it on.
- Jidu, you see the hat? - What is it?
- You see what it is? - What?
It's a vagina!
Compare.
I think it's fantastic.
Here.
Ooh!
So my mom won't be allowed
to be with me for my surgery
because of Corona virus and...
that's just their visitor policy right now.
So it's either I just...
get over that and just do it
or I postpone it to another day
so my mom can be with me.
And, of course, I was like...
guess I'm doing it by myself.
It's been a roller coaster ride.
Coming from a place where, you know, five years ago,
walking into HR and asking them to change, like...
to reconsider changing our benefits program
because I needed to buy my daughter medicine
and being turned down.
Jane was getting incredibly frustrated,
like, trying to explain to her
that health coverage is a concern,
and that, you know, it's not granted.
None of this is granted.
You know, it was painful.
It was a painful process to be denied that.
And then to worry. To worry about,
is my daughter gonna have the right medication?
Are we gonna be able to afford it?
Every shot was, like, $7,000.
And she had to have that every three months.
Like, who can afford that?
Nobody.
Trying to...
to help her, inside of her own head,
be patient.
That was... That was a tall task, Laura.
Like, from day one.
From day one that was a fear.
Like, how am I going to get that
across the finish line for her?
Yeah, college fund, college fund, college fund.
What college fund?
Transgender surgery fund. "Yeah, put that aside, Dad."
Wait. No more college fund?
"Covid-19 has affected the lives
of all high schools all around the country,
but has also hit hard on a Sussex County Technical School
class of 2020."
I definitely would love to have...
a graduation.
But then again, I wasn't gonna go
to the graduation anyway because of my surgery.
It would be nice to have one.
Congratulations. That's your party.
We're done with it.
It's not the most important thing.
Look, there's a weenie.
Ooh.
Not me. Give it to me.
- You look great. - Shut up!
Stef was texting me last night.
- Yeah? - She's really sweet.
She's like, "I just wanted to check up on you."
- Aw. - I'll read it to you.
Is this the girl from...
The girl with the pink hair.
Oh, yeah I follow her! Woo friends!
Hey, Stef.
She said, um..
"Hey, love, I just wanted to check in on you
and see how you're doing.
With everything going on,
I was worried about your surgery being postponed.
Hopefully not, though.
Never hesitate to contact me
if you need someone to talk to,
or any rough time, since I've been through it."
I said, "Thank you so much.
I just really want to get it over with at this point
and just start the healing process.
I just hope it comes out as cute as yours."
I'm going through all this fucking shit to get it,
it better look good.
I'm sure it's gonna look good.
I'm gonna have to live with it, no one else.
I wanna be happy with it.
We're all in it together.
Be grateful that you're getting the surgery.
It's not gonna be easy.
I never said that. I'm not saying that.
Just be happy that you're getting the damn thing!
I am! It's not that I mind.
She's nervous, honey.
As anybody would be.
I would be like, "Let's do this shit."
Yeah. And then you'd be in pain and then you'd be like, "Oohhh!"
You know that's part of it.
It's inevitable that that's gonna happen.
And I have every right to be nervous.
I never said you can't be nervous.
You act as if I'm ungrateful.
The way you talk, and you're hostile towards everyone, yeah.
Not everyone.
Then why is there anyone? It should be no one.
No, because Mom's saying that...
Like, I'm always worried about it being cute.
I'm like, yeah, well, I'm going through a lot to get it.
I've already been through a lot to get it.
You're gonna be cute. They have a high success rate.
All right, but, still...
It's not gonna be floppy
like a 90-year-old woman's fucking vagina. Jesus Christ!
First of all, that ageist against
90-year-old women's vaginas.
I bet 90-year-old women vaginas are great.
I don't expect you to understand it.
All I'm saying is, try to be...
like, I know that emotions are hard,
but try to at least think about... family
and getting along.
- Don't get upset. - Don't get upset.
I'm allowed to be scared.
Of course! How do you think me and Daddy feel?
Yeah, we're all very scared.
We're all nervous.
Sounds so ungrateful.
No, we know you're grateful, Mommy. We know.
This has been a very long road.
True.
This has been a long road for all of us, especially you.
Especially you.
I need to go to the nail salon. This is, like, becoming hectic.
Becoming a problem.
You okay?
♪ Jane ♪
♪ Running down to the doctor ♪
♪ To get a vagina, ha ha ha ha ♪
♪ Jane was scared about getting a vagina ♪
I think me and Jane are closer now... that she's Jane.
We argue like any sisters would.
But at the end of the day, when I need her, if
she needs me, like, even with Mae,
we're always there for each other.
It makes me happy, like,
that she's getting what she wants.
And that's she's really
becoming a phenomenal young woman.
Jane does flip her hair, though.
'Cause I like it on this side.
No, but I'm talking about when she gets all dramatic,
and she's explaining a story, she's like...
"Uhh!" And then flips her hair over like this.
You know what I'm talking about?
- I don't do that. - Yes, you do!
You look at me from across the table, you go...
- I do this. - It's the same!
And you model, you're like...
I don't know why I do it.
It's like a habit.
- Get off! - Ow, bitch!
I'm throwing out all my old underwear.
Finally.
I'm putting on my new underwear
and I'm gonna throw that shit out.
I'm so fucking happy to be getting rid
of that type of underwear.
Fuck it. I hate it. I wanted to burn it.
Yay.
It's a vagina cupcake.
It's a vanilla pudding cupcake with vanilla frosting
and a vanilla... vagina.
Everybody gets a vagina.
Everybody gets a vagina today.
Nice!
Get the dog off the table.
Do you know how many germs you just put on the table?
It's okay. It's okay.
None 'cause she's perfect!
I'll be praying for her.
Thanks, Dad.
That's not easy.
Jane, I want to give you a kiss.
I'm going to go back.
You need help?
No, I can do it. I can get up.
I just want to say goodbye to Jane.
God bless you, honey. I'll be praying for you.
You'll be okay.
- Yep! - God bless you.
Love you.
Get out of here. Go.
I'm less scared of the surgery
and more happy about what it's gonna do for me.
I don't know. Either that or I'm just stupid
for not being worried.
Today's the day.
I have to get ready, so...
Yep.
Just a subtle day.
Just like a walk through a park.
Just a... just a breeze.
Because of the virus, the Covid virus right now,
we're not allowed to be in the hospital.
But she's doing it alone.
Ready? Everybody good?
424 East 34th.
Okay, we are going to New York City
to NYU to see Dr. Blue.
Bye, Sparta.
I'll be back with a new vagina.
Jane, you don't have nail polish on, do you?
No.
Mom, I was already on that way before you.
You don't have jewelry on, right?
- Yeah, I do. - Take it off.
Jane, I think, the most incredible thing
is that through this whole process
has-has remained so grounded.
It only reinforces that she's...
that she's... always been on the right path.
You have a very...
sort of nonchalant outlook, Jane.
How is that possible?
I don't know.
It just seems kind of normal to me.
Well, I think you've been thinking about it so long.
Yeah. I think I was more stressed
about not getting it.
We always grew up in a very open home,
and, like, there was always communication going on.
I'm so lucky to have that.
Almost there, Jane.
We're happy for her,
but any parent would feel the way we feel.
We're scared.
I'll be honest with you,
when she first came out to us, when she was 14,
the first thing I thought of was surgery.
In my mind, for years, I always told her,
"When you're older, you know, definitely it will happen."
And I was just like...
I had no idea that was gonna happen.
Jane, you're going to the fifth floor,
you're gonna go to the check-in desk,
and you're gonna have your insurance and I.D. card out.
But we just persevered and we just moved forward,
little by little.
We were there. We were halfway there.
Covid's not gonna stop us. We're gonna get there.
We want what's best for our kid.
And we know that her happiness is at stake.
When I was going though that depression,
I just wanted to ignore all my pain,
but it never went away until I started
being a part of my family again.
And they are my crazy family.
Like, they're just always there for me,
through the good and the bad.
It's fucking hard just leaving her like this.
It's been a long time coming.
Long time preparing for this.
You all right?