BOW: When you're mixed, you get front-row seats
to two completely different cultures.
That's why I know what icing is in hockey,
and it's also why we sang the Black National Anthem
before every game.
♪ Let us march on 'til victory is woooon ♪
- Back then, it really felt - Whoo!
like there were two Americas.
Magic versus Bird.
Oprah versus Donahue.
And every episode of "Family Feud."
[Buzzer dings]
- Fireman. - DAWSON: Fireman?
[Bell dings, Cheering]
But in our house, we found a way to bridge those worlds,
to stay united as one mixed family.
Great news.
I was talking to your neighbor, Vivica.
And after she got through yelling at me
for blocking her driveway,
she suggested we all have a Spades night.
Ooh! Girl, you know I love Spades!
I've been needing a Spades night.
I know. I got so excited,
I had to come in here and not move my car.
Well, that sounds like fun.
What night are we playing?
We? [Laughs]
My dad was about to realize when it comes to Spades,
there were still two Americas, and he needed to stay in his.
Do you want to tell him, or do I get to?
[Laughs]
Please let me tell him.
I love disappointing White people.
♪ In the mix ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, they keep trying ♪
♪ But they can't stop us ♪
♪ 'Cause we got a love ♪
♪ That keeps rising up ♪
♪ In the mix ♪
♪ Life turns around ♪
♪ 'Round and 'round it goes ♪
♪ Ooh, it's a mixed-up world ♪ ♪ Ooh, it's a mixed-up ♪
♪ And that's for sure ♪ ♪ Mixed-up ♪
♪ In the mix ♪ ♪ Baby ♪
♪ We're gonna get by ♪ ♪ We're gonna ♪
♪ On our own, side by side ♪
♪ Love's all we need to be free ♪ ♪ Lo-o-o-ve is all ♪
♪ I got you, you got me ♪
♪ Yaaaaay us! ♪
♪ I-I-In the mix ♪
♪ Yaaaaay us! ♪
♪ I-I-In the mix-ish ♪
[Scoffs] What's so funny?
You wanting to play Spades.
It's the most ridiculous thing ever.
And I've seen you play basketball.
Denise, it's just a card game.
You know what?
Don't look me in the eye for the next five minutes.
Alicia, do something.
Babe, Spades is not just a game...
it's the game.
Black people take it very seriously.
I beat Granny and she didn't speak to me
for the last 10 years of her life.
- No regrets. - Mm.
Do you even know how to play Spades, Paul?
No, but I'm great at Gin Rummy and, uh, Pinochle, Go Fish...
Lord, help us. He thinks he's bragging.
[Sighs] The difference between Pinochle and Spades
is like the difference between eating a sandwich
and eating a nuclear bomb.
Okay, well, you could teach me.
Yeah, I'm sure I could, babe.
And I'm not saying, in time, you wouldn't be good...
I am.
You would be bad.
Here's the thing: I'm very good at Spades.
Very good at Spades.
Ve-ry good at Spades.
Okay, so you're good at Spades.
- Ha! - No, I said I'm very good at Spades.
- [Chuckles] - I hate losing.
Look, I promise, at some point,
I will teach you how to play.
But first, I need to destroy our neighbors
and wipe the floor with their corpses.
Okay, all right. I get it.
You like to win. I'll let it go.
- Ooooooh! - Girl.
We about to beat them!
- Oop! - We 'bout to win it.
[Clapping] Beat they butts!
- Win! - Hey! Hey! Hey!
- Bip! Bap! - Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
[Both vocalizing]
In the '80s, America got cable TV,
and kids got unsupervised access to adult movies.
Why are you guys watching "Kramer vs. Kramer"?
I thought it was a boxing movie.
Grandad, why did Mrs. Kramer leave?
They got divorced.
What's that?
Divorce is when a couple falls out of love.
Then they start spending more time with their "best friend,"
then they eventually leave you for that "best friend."
And then sometimes they also take your boat.
Wait, so love can just go away?
Yeah, can that happen to Mom and Dad?
Relax, guys. They love each other.
They don't fight like the people in that movie.
Well, even if they do split up,
it's not the end of the world.
Why do you think it's in every kid movie?
"E.T.," "Karate Kid," "Over the Top."
Well, I like "Karate Kid."
Of course you do.
Divorce is the future of marriage.
So I am gonna teach you to be as cool with divorce as Daniel-san.
Divorce on, marriage off.
BOTH: Divorce on...
While Grandad was easing our minds
about the future of divorce,
Dad was also taking a hard look at the future.
I can't believe how huge that thing is.
GRIFF: [Chuckles] That's right.
27 inches.
I'm gonna be paying off this baby for the next 10 years,
but the sales guy told me
the technology is never going to get better than this.
- Huh. - [Smacks lips]
You're always welcome to come over
and watch a game on the big screen.
How about tomorrow night?
Alicia's having people over to play Spades.
So it's begun.
What's begun?
Trouble in paradise.
Hey man, y-you made that Black and White thing
last longer than anyone thought.
Oh, no, no. Everything's fine.
No, she's just really into Spades
and I don't know how to play.
Well, why don't you surprise her by learning on your own?
That'd be a really nice gesture.
- You think? - Yeah.
It's hard to keep a marriage alive without romance.
Of course, in my case,
it was romance that broke us up...
her romance...
with the drummer from that Styx cover band.
But my point stands.
You know, I bet she would love if I got good at Spades.
Women love guys who are good at stuff.
Yeah. And I can pick it up quickly.
I'm smart.
Hey. Not just anybody can work at a public school.
Maybe she and I become a great Spades partnership.
Yeah. We win on Saturday, go to regionals, then state.
And before you know it, we're going for Gold
at the Spades World Open.
[Chuckles]
I already got my ticket to Vegas.
This is great!
Yeah, let's do this.
Quick question. How do I...
learn about Spades?
Same way I learned how to kiss.
[Groans]
You read a book.
[Smooches]
Hey.
I worked in aerospace for over 10 years,
and I never understood how they got cheese in a can.
[Door opens]
Hey, hey.
Hey.
- Baby. - Mm-hmm?
- I got you something. - Ooh, what is this?
Oh, you know, just a little something
I've been playing with all night
and now I want to play with you.
Ohhh, I can't wait to open it.
- Yuck. Get a room. - This is our house.
All right, come on. Open it.
I think it's gonna make you very, very happy.
Oh, okay.
A... deck of cards?
Oh, yeah, baby.
You and me are gonna play some Spades.
Oh!
I learned how.
From a book.
Paul, there are things you cannot learn from a book.
Spades. Cooking. Math.
Wait. So you really want to play in our game?
Absolutely.
Oh, unh-unh. No way.
It's hard enough to bring a husband
who doesn't know how to play a game,
but a White husband?
Whoa, hold up.
So you don't want me to play because I'm White?
I'm sorry, but he does not have
the right "pigmentation situation."
Huh. Well, the last time I checked, we weren't a family
that determined what people could and couldn't do
based on race.
No, no. This is not Prince's band.
Black people and White people and Spades do not mix.
You cannot let him play with us.
- He has a point, Denise. - [Sighs]
Paul is my person, and if he wants to be part of our game
[inhales deeply] then I should make room for him.
All right. [Sighs]
Show me what you got and deal.
[Chuckles] Denise, you in?
- Mm-hmm. - All right.
Because there are three people,
have to remove one card.
- Hmm. - Hmm.
Oh, okay.
Look at White Chocolate over here getting fancy with it.
Okay.
See? My baby knows how to deal those cards.
♪♪
Oh, shoot.
Looks like your baby
know how to misdeal those cards.
[Sighs] I don't know what happened.
Yeah.
I'mma miss you when you gotta move out.
Okay. Try it again.
Boom. I got it.
What are you doing?
I had that one.
Yeah. I had it more.
That's not how this works.
- Would you excuse us? - [Sighs]
And don't worry. We're not gonna talk about you.
♪♪
Your dumb husband is gonna ruin our Spades night.
No, he's learning how to play.
You know it's about more than just how to play.
He's gonna ruin our space.
You know at the Apollo
when they bring out the White guy to sing gospel
but we can't boo him because he's singing about God?
And then he's not as bad as you thought,
but you still rather would have seen a Black person...
because it's the Apollo!
Is that what you're worried about?
Paul not fitting in?
He's been married to me for 16 years.
He's down. Watch.
Paul, where's the kitchen?
And I'm not allowed to touch it.
- [Groans] - See? He's down.
Teena Marie down.
All I'm saying is
bringing a White man to our Spades night
will not end well.
What other Black secrets are you gonna give away?
How we stay looking so young?
Sweet potato pie?
Our handshake?
He's my husband.
He already knows all about that.
Babe, how do Black people stay looking so young?
None of my business.
Thank you.
See?
He already knows about our culture.
[Inhales deeply] He just needs to learn how to play.
PAUL: It's really starting to feel like
you guys are talking about me, though.
We're not.
See? If he was Black,
he would know we were talking about him.
[Deniece Williams' "Let's Hear It for the Boy" plays]
So my mom went about teaching my dad
everything she knew about Spades.
♪ My baby, he don't talk sweet ♪
♪ He ain't got much to say ♪
And he slowly started to learn.
♪ 'Cause every time he pulls me near ♪
♪ I just wanna cheer ♪
♪ Let's hear it for the boy ♪
♪ Let's give the boy a hand ♪
Mm-hmm.
[Clapping]
- WOMAN: Yeah, you go first. - First.
So when the night of the game arrived,
although Dad wasn't 100% ready,
Mom was working 110% to get him there.
Ah, pop quiz: if I'm about to play the ace,
are you allowed to tell me you have the big joker?
No, that's talking over the board, which is illegal.
Unless?
Unless no one catches me doing it.
Relax, babe. I got this.
I'm gonna get us some drinks.
No alcohol. You need to stay sharp.
See? You know he's already ruining it.
Everything is different.
You haven't noticed people coming up to Paul,
introducing themselves and talking in they phone voices?
[Simpering] "Nice to meet you, Paul.
What a nice home you have here, Paul."
[Normally] What is this, a job interview?
Once we start playing cards,
no one's gonna see the difference.
The only color that matters in Spades is black and red.
Well, I told you so.
I'mma say it now so I don't have to say it later.
Well, I'll probably say it later, too.
[Sighs]
Meanwhile, Grandad wanted to prove
that divorce really was the future of marriage.
Oh, Harrison! I wasn't expecting you.
This place is awesome!
[Gasps] Video games!
Sorry we didn't call first.
I didn't have your number.
- Oh, it's... - Don't need it.
Listen, you seem like you're mostly not sad,
so I brought the kids to show them
the positive side of divorce.
Well, I'm honored you brought them to Uncle Griff.
We're not gonna call you that.
Maybe it'll grow on you.
So yeah, my kids are so much happier
now that me and their mom are divorced.
And they love their new dad, Big Carl.
They went to Disneyland the other week,
and he bought them lunch and souvenirs.
You think they would've gotten lunch and souvenirs
if their mom and I were still together?
I don't understand how that can make them happy.
Well, because like I said, divorce isn't the worst thing
that happens to people.
Griff, tell them the best part.
On it.
Imagine you've been eating fish sticks for dinner
every night for 23 years.
Then, suddenly you're told you can have stewardesses...
No, dummy, I'm talking about
going to dinner with your kids.
Oh, right. Sorry.
On Monday, Wednesday, and every other Saturday,
I take them out for burgers,
and in their kid's meal, they get fries,
a milkshake, and a plastic Grimace.
[Laughs] Now you tell me
that's not better than your parents' marriage.
What a time to be a kid!
I hope Mom and Dad get a divorce to-night!
So while my siblings
were becoming as cool with divorce as Daniel-san,
my parents' Spade game got under way.
- Whoop! - Oh! There it is.
Oh.
And to everyone's surprise,
my mom and dad were unstoppable.
- And I just have to... Oh, baby! - Oh!
- [Laughs] - You know what?
- [Shrieks] - You know what? Deal again.
We're turning it back. That's my man.
[The Pointer Sisters' "Jump (For My Love)" plays]
♪ I'll take you down, I'll take you down ♪
Uh-huh.
♪ Where no one's ever gone before ♪
♪ And if you want more ♪
♪ If you want more, more, more ♪
- [Shrieks] - You got to be kidding me!
- Oh, baby! - Ohhhhh!
Because if you would've played smarter...
- Your mama. Your daddy. - Sleeping on the couch.
- Ooh, ooh. - This is illegal.
[Laughter]
Good game, Larry Bird.
Oh, yeah, Larry Bird 'cause I'm White. Ah!
[Laughter]
Oh, can I get you something to drink, man?
Thanks, whatever you're having. Appreciate it.
- Up top. - All right.
Anyway, I needed tonight.
This morning, a judge talked to me like it was my first day.
You know they don't like seeing us on top.
- Uh, tell me about it. - PAUL: Ooh, no.
No, they do not.
You know, Alicia, I had one of those days, too.
One of my students' parents mistook me for the lunch lady.
- What? - I am a teacher.
A teacher.
- A teacher. - Come on, girl.
They don't pay you enough to deal with that kind of crap.
You should've told her, "You look more like a lunch lady
than me, with your bifocals and your chin hair."
[Laughter]
My man. My man. Preach!
[Laughter]
Preach. Oh, Lord.
Lord.
Oh. White people are something special.
Listen, I just wanted to apologize to all of you
on behalf of all of us.
Baby, you don't need to do that.
Baby, someone needs to. Am I right, George?
He's saying it right there. I know.
[Laughter]
- To equality. - Okay.
- [Chuckles] - Oh.
Here's to being equal.
[Chuckles]
Cheers.
I can't lie.
Paul was better at Spades than I thought he would be.
Yeah, he's really good. [Sighs]
We won all night and everybody loved playing with him.
But...
But he still somehow ruined things.
As soon as you said the phone voice thing,
- I couldn't stop hearing it. - I know, right?
It's like people were trying to cash a check with no ID.
Some things are just for us.
I don't know if...
- Girl, you know. - [Sighs]
They can't help themselves.
They take our stuff and make it their own.
They did it to the blues, they did it to jazz,
then they did it to rock and roll.
But now we have hip-hop.
And God as my witness,
they will never take that from us.
[Beastie Boys' "Paul Revere" playing]
CROWD: Go, White boy! Go, White boy!
Go, White boy! Go, White boy!
But apparently they gonna try.
Go, White boy! Go, White boy!
Go, White boy!
Okay, shut it down.
Shut. It. Down.
[Music stops]
- What do you think you're doing? - I gots to go.
This is Spades, there's no dancing.
This is a sacred game where we talk about our mothers
and we tell stories about our past,
but we tell them in a Black way, which starts with,
"Y'all don't know nothing about them banana seat bikes."
Babe, what's... what's the problem?
We won, I was funny, I-I talked about George's mother.
You really got me good on that one.
Kinda did, didn't I? [Laughs]
You know what?
Don't worry about it.
My sister was right.
You damn right I was. What was I right about?
- Are you serious? - What?
I had to move my car. You're welcome, Vivica.
[Sighs] Denise, can I ask you something?
Am I too down?
Yeah, that's why Alicia's mad at you.
You nailed it.
Honestly, I don't get it.
I mean, I did everything exactly how she showed me,
and she's still upset with me.
Okay, have a seat.
Here's the thing.
You can't help it, but when you come around,
it changes everything.
You didn't notice how folks rolled out the white carpet
as soon as you got here?
The white carpet?
It's something that happens when White people
make the effort to come into Black spaces.
I hate to admit it, but it's so rare,
we get excited and try to make you feel
as comfortable as possible.
But I thought they were just being polite.
People stood around and chanted "Go, White boy"
while you danced.
You think you that good at the Running Man,
we wanna just watch you?
I mean, when you put it that way,
w-while making that face...
Look, don't take it personal,
but sometimes we need some things that are just for us.
[Sighs] But Alicia and I do everything together.
And t... And this Black/White separation you're talking about
is everything we fought against.
Can you imagine if I said to my wife,
"Uh, sorry, honey, but you can't come into my White space"?
Yeah, but Paul, part of "being down"
is understanding that every space that exists
is already a "White space."
And when we come into your spaces,
we don't get nearly the same treatment that you get
when you come into ours.
That's what makes things like our Spades game so precious.
So what do I do?
What you asking me for?
She your wife!
Do Black people have to do everything for you?
♪♪
What are you guys doing?
We heard Mom and Dad outside.
They're not gonna make it.
So I'm packing my stuff,
and I'm ready to move into my own room.
I don't have a suitcase,
because I'm gonna make them compete for my love
by buying me new clothes.
Come on.
Look at what you did, Grandad.
They're excited to have our parents split up.
Oh, c'mon, Rainbow, don't be a killjoy.
I'm just messing with them.
But they take everything you say seriously.
Nobody takes what I say seriously.
Not even a court of law.
Yeah, but Johan and Santamonica love and respect you.
You're their grandfather.
They have no choice but to think you're wise and honorable.
Really?
They think I'm wise and honorable?
Somehow, despite everything they've seen you do, yes. [Sighs]
Well, you know, if they think I'm so wise,
maybe I, uh... I do the honorable thing
and stop toying with their emotions just for fun.
Yeah.
Kids, I got some bad news. [Sighs]
Your parents are gonna be together for a long, long time.
What?! Why did you get our hopes up?
I was gonna get a pony!
Trust me, your parents staying together
will be better than a pony.
So now you take us for fools?
Hey, I know you're disappointed,
but you're no different than lots of other kids
whose parents are gonna stay together.
I mean, if society accepted you after the commune,
you guys are gonna be fine.
Pbht! Well, when I grow up,
I'm gonna get divorced so much.
Yeah, she would.
[Door opens]
Hi, baby.
I just want to apologize for kind of taking over out there.
I-I know I made a mess of your night.
It's not about you taking over.
Look, I know we spent so much time
making sure Black and White people
could be in the same spaces,
but sometimes, I need it to be all Jeffersons.
No Bunkers.
[Laughs] No, I get it.
I have something to show you. Come on.
Come on.
DENISE: All right, here we go.
[Laughter]
- What is going on? - Listen. We're ready.
Well, your sister was right,
so I invited everybody back
so you can have the night you really needed.
Babe, that is so nice,
and I'm sorry for blowing up at you before.
Oh, no, no, no, I totally get it.
That's what happens when people get jealous of my dance moves.
Yeah, that's exactly what happened.
Okay, well, this is the part where I politely excuse myself.
Yeah, get gone.
Seriously, this is romantic and all,
but we have work tomorrow.
Mm-hmm. Mwah.
It took a card game for my parents to finally admit
they came from two different Americas
and for my mom to see that, while my dad was her person...
...sometimes, she had to be with her people.
- Do I still have to sleep on the couch? - Oh, Lord.
Now, the most important thing to know about playing Spades
is that you play the people, not the cards.
You've got to get in their heads.
You've got to make it personal.
Okay, what you got?
You're so bad at Spades,
the only books you can get are at the library.
[Sighs] Bless your heart.
That was so terrible, it made me sad.
All right, Johan, your turn.
Ready to go!
Just one question... what's a spade?
It's a good thing for you you're pretty.
All right, Santi, don't let me down.
You're so clueless,
you probably grew up on a commune.
So did you.
Not for as long as you guys.
Ooh, I can respect that.
You gon' have to carry this family. You know that, right?
For this and everything else.
[Laughs] All right, get your cards up.
We about to cuss.
-- Subs by kinglouisxx -- for www.addic7ed.com