Who is it, Suzie?
I want... I want you to tell me. I want you to feel safe.
Whatever happens, I will not be angry, okay?
Go.
It's Carter.
- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -
Are you very angry?
I'm not angry.
'Cause you should be.
Who else knows?
Well, he knows obviously that's it's him.
Hmm.
And Naomi knows.
No.
Well, I think she may have found out just because I told her.
Hmm, okay.
If we're gonna make this work...
... you have to tell me... the truth.
'Cause I know we have a beautiful child and a beautiful home...
I don't care about any of that.
Well, I mean, obviously I care about the child.
So...
That being said...
Obviously you can't work with him anymore.
Obviously.
Mmm.
Obviously. In the future.
You can't keep doing the show, Suz.
No, but I just mean financially.
We both know it's the shitty genre thing
where your breasts get covered in blood every few episodes.
- It's not exactly... - I know.
I just... I just mean, like, in sort of...
... house, er, bills, life being possible scheme of things.
- Well, I have a job. - Yeah.
Not that you've ever been to campus or seen it.
But I promise I do have a job.
Yeah, I know and that's great. It's just it doesn't...
You know, it's not my fault the world values the wrong things, is it?
And we're about to start a second series.
- Well... - It's what they'll say.
Consequences are hard.
What is that?
- What fucking is that? - It's the landline. It's the phone.
- Hello. - It's me. It's me. How you doing?
Oh, God. Hi.
Ah, fine. Yeah.
Okay, quick update, I've called all the papers
and pointed out the photos are stolen, so if they print, we sue.
But I just had to yell at one guy for printing a photo of your house
to illustrate the story.
'Cause they're sulking they can't run with you sucking a dick.
So is it recognisable?
The house, I mean. Not the dick.
Yeah, yeah. No, the street name's on it and everything.
- Oh, fuck. - Yeah, but I'm all over it.
I'm gonna get you in the room with some reputation management people.
Oh, God. So I pay for that, do I?
Yeah, or we go the other way.
We go front foot. Take control. Refuse to be shamed.
You publish a nude, we publish a nude.
You send one of ours to the sex hospital,
we send one of yours to the sex morgue.
I-I publish more nudes? I haven't got any more nudes.
I take more nudes?
- Er, no. I meant... - Hey. Sorry.
One minute. One minute. Hey.
Wow! Did you draw this at school?
- Baby! - Suz, hello?
Suz?
Just to go back, so my address is out there?
Yeah. Er, and also I looked up Sarah Jones just to check her out.
Her Instagram shows her as blonde now
and always wearing a yellow jacket.
- Sorry, a yellow jacket? - Yeah, so don't freak out.
Looks like she's obsessed with Gemma Collins now.
- Which is great. - That's nice.
Stalking the stalker.
_
Ah...
Okay. Look, I-I...
I'll call you... Yeah, I'll call you back.
No...
Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here.
Did you draw this?
'Cause I know you said you drew this and I love you, whatever,
Okay, but no lying.
You must tell the truth.
Did you draw this or... did you find it?
Where? Where?
Frank. Where?
Cut.
Reset. We're gonna go again.
Okay, okay. Suzie, look. It's feeling casual.
Can you scream while you're running?
- Really vocalise the terror. - Scream?
The idea being that you're screaming for help, so...
Yeah, um... No, it's just like, it's...
Sorry, screaming and running.
But I'm... I'm... I'm trying to lose him.
- No, it's just... The... You know... - Sorry, Suzie.
I mean, the screaming, that's just gonna bring him to me, right?
It sort of negates the running.
No, I think it doubles it.
Yeah, I mean, I don't think
I've ever actually screamed in my life ever if I've been afraid.
What, so you're saying screaming isn't associated with fear?
No, I'm not. I'm just saying that it's not...
It's not something I would do.
- What would you do? - Um...
What, if I was...
If you were being chased by a Nazi zombie, yeah?
I'd hide.
Almost like there's something not as dramatic
about staying still as there is about running and...
It's trying to find her? Kill her? Tension's dramatic.
We're set up for the run.
Yeah, I mean, just... You do your... You do it.
You're saying, then, that's what you'd do?
Yeah, I... saying that.
Yeah, I would just, like, find somewhere and wait
and hope... hope they didn't fi... hope they didn't find me.
Hmm. Let's set up for that, then.
- That's massive. - It's a better scene.
- Sorry, Daniel. - Okay, guys. Changing set-up.
Suzie.
Sorry. There's a woman looking for you visiting set.
- What does she look like? - Uh, I don't know, really.
Does she have blonde hair? A yellow jacket?
- I'm not sure. - Does she look a bit like...
I don't even know what you say now-a-days,
but look sort of day-release, stalker vibes?
- Suz. Yep. - Yes?
- Suz. - We need more zombies, mate.
I'm so sorry. I am so fucking sorry.
Are you... are you very angry?
Are you kidding? I'm incan-fucking-descent.
Not with you.
Do they know what bastard's done this?
I will find them and physically arse-rape them.
Okay. Thanks.
But you... you don't have to do that.
I know.
Um, Naomi's on the tech and the law stuff.
So I'm just... I'm sorry.
Look, I don't care... I don't care who sees my cock, Suz.
This is unbelievable what's happened to you
and I want you to know you have everyone's support here.
If anyone says a single thing to you
or makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, I'll fire them.
Thank you. Thank you.
But no, don't. Er, don't do that.
I mean, doesn't your wife have any suspicions?
I don't think she's even heard anything.
She doesn't read celebrity news and all that stuff.
Well, I had to tell Cob.
I did, you know. I had to tell him.
And... I mean, it was... it was pretty...
Must have had a nightmare.
Yeah. It was bad.
And I told him it had happened, like, three times
and that it was completely over between us.
And is that true?
Three just sounded like a believable number.
I mean the last part.
It's me. It's me. I have lanyards.
- Hi. Hi. Hi. - Hi, babe.
Hi. Great. Great.
You remember... You know Carter.
More intimately now. You won't remember.
- We met at the... - Of course I remember.
Naomi Jones. Born Naomi Duribchi. Your, um... your hair is longer.
Okay. What do you want, a memory medal?
Look, can I just say if there's anything I can do at all,
if making some sort of statement helps...
It doesn't help. It doesn't look great, whatever way.
Fucking the boss. The boss fucking her. Old school, new school.
- It's not a great school to go to. - I'm not her boss.
You're married with four kids.
Actually, one of his kids is... is... died.
Shit. Sorry.
Yeah.
Thing is, I love her, Naomi.
I really fucking love her.
I took a photo of us making love
because I-I love her fucking smile
and, yes, I love it near my penis.
And so we took pictures with her phone
because I wanted her to see
how beautiful she looked doing those things,
which is my biggest regret.
- Because this would never... - Shh!
And now I feel like absolute shit.
But I am a shit that loves her top to bottom.
So you tell me what you need.
I need a place to talk to the police, who get here in minus 10.
Um, okay, but we're about to set up the shot.
No, it's okay. It's fine. You can use my trailer.
Great.
I... I know what you're thinking.
- And no, we haven't had sex in here. - It smells like someone has.
It's the fucking septic tank.
Okay, just so you know,
I'm probably gonna have to leave the show.
- What show? - This show.
You know, it's not... it's not workable.
- I mean, you can imagine. - No. No, no, no.
- Do you want to leave the show? - No, I don't wanna leave the show.
Of course I don't wanna leave the show.
It's my only job, apart from the Disney job.
- Yeah, okay, so I wrote to Disney... - Oh, God.
... explaining that it was fake images,
but turns out they're an expert on what's real and what's not onscreen.
Oh, shit.
- Yes. - Sorry, Suzie.
There's a... police officer here for you.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, it's exciting, isn't it?
- Hi. - This is, uh, Suzie.
- I'm PC Simon Niven. - Hi. Me.
- It's nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
In person.
I mean, as opposed to on telly, not in those photos.
No, I mean, I get that. I get that.
I'm gonna return your phone.
Great. Great.
Er, there's no malware on it.
No indication that anyone's broken into the device itself.
We trust you, obviously, there's been an invasion of privacy.
- You trust us? - Yeah, I mean, why would we be lying?
Oh, no. No, no, no.
The cloud you back everything up on has clearly been compromised.
Eh, do you use the same password for that as for anything else?
Yeah, I mean, it's my password.
Er, yeah, yeah, that's just not ideal.
Yeah, no, I know, I know they tell you
to have, like, multiple passwords, but it's just not realistic.
You know, I'm not... I'm not a computer brain.
I'm not... I can't remember all these things all the time.
- Like names and passwords. - Yeah, okay, but...
- And now punctuation or symbols. - ... it's illegal, isn't it?
- It's stolen property. - Yeah, well, interesting.
We actually have quite a small digital team in the Metropolitan...
Okay. So you're not going to do fucking anything?
We will investigate but we...
we do have to focus resources on terrorism and paedophilia.
Of course. Of course.
Unfortunately, we can't afford to prioritise crimes
where the victims contribute to their own victimisation.
Okay. So the skirt on her phone's a bit short.
Well, maybe I can help.
How about a nice image to put online?
A photo from the set of "AfterDeath"'s bound to get more hits.
Yeah. Sure. Go over here.
There you go. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Nice shot for us. Cheers. Cheers. Yeah, how do you do the...
- I'm a bit... Hang on. - I can't...
- Let me do it 'cause... Here we go. - Sorry.
- This is because of me mates. - No, it's alright.
I'll be a zombie.
- That's cracking, that. - There you go, mate.
That's great. Thanks so much. Thank you very much.
- Great to meet you, you know. - Oh, sorry.
- That's alright. Yeah. - 'Bye.
- Ta-ra. Nice one. - 'Bye.
How do you get out of here?
Sorry. Sorry.
Just the handle.
Right.
- Bye-bye, PC Niven. - 'Bye.
Ta-ra. Yeah.
Cheers. Oh...
- Oh, my God! - Bloody hell.
Ooh, God. Sorry. You just... It's...
Sorry, you just made me jump. I didn't hear you come in.
Okay, well, I just came in on my legs as per.
Erm, I need...
Dishwasher needs salt.
- Sorry, what? - The dishwasher.
I need to add some salt. So...
Are you joking?
What, like... salt?
Yeah.
You put salt in the dishwasher.
- Who does? - Everyone. Keeps it working.
Alright, is this like you put salt in the dishwasher,
you put pepper in the kettle, you put ketchup down the shitter?
Are you losing... You're... Are you losing your mind? Dishwasher salt.
- Dishwasher salt. - Okay.
This is... this isn't funny, yeah.
I'm not from dishwasher country.
Okay, well, I am from dishwasher country
and we do things differently there.
What is that?
What did you do?
What was that?
- Hmm? - Did you hear that?
What? What is it?
Am I being mad? Am I being mad?
What?
I didn't... I didn't want to tell you
because it's... it's just another thing that I fucked up,
but our address is out there in the paper and... and so...
Our house. Where we live with our human son.
- Yes. And so... I... - This address.
Yeah, and so, you know, Naomi's really worried
about fucking crazy fucking stalker lady.
You know, Sarah what's... what's-her-name.
Anyway. Look. I dunno.
Maybe I'm... Maybe I'm just being para.
- Rightio. - Oh, no. It... it's fine.
- It's not fine, Suzie. - It's fine.
I need to go and check there isn't a psychopath in our house.
Jesus.
- Hey. How are you? - Yeah, how are you?
Oh, yeah. I'm good. What's going on with you?
- What's going on with you? - Alright. Look.
At one point, one of us is actually gonna have to answer.
Okay, so I floated the idea to the producers
about you exiting the show.
Yeah. Did they go fucking mad?
- Yeah. - Well, don't say that.
I can't explain to them why, can I?
And they've been ridiculously supportive about the hack.
Don't they suspect it's their fucking showrunner in the photo?
Let me tell them. Let's 'me too' him to fuck.
No, don't do that. It's deeply... No. Just...
What am I supposed to do, right? They're threatening to sue you.
Alright, don't worry. I'll call Carter. Carter will sort it out.
He's the problem. Fuck's sake.
Such a fucking coward.
What? What?
_
- I've written you this great arc. - Yeah.
- I've talked you through it. - Yeah, I know, I know.
But it's not unreasonable. It's the only thing he demands.
So you're gonna walk off the show?
Just write me out.
Just kill me. Just kill me, okay.
No-one will mind. Just...
Just... You're so good at zombie fighting, hunting.
... always said you would.
No!
Stop!
Look, this is... this is nonsense
because of... because of physical love.
A visual representation of some physical love.
- I mean, did they find who did this? - No... They... It's my fault.
They gave me my phone back.
This isn't... this isn't something
you should lose your livelihood over.
You can't be punished twice.
But it's not about the hack. It's about the us.
If the issue is us working together,
then I should be the one to go.
Okay, well, that's... That is mad.
Obviously that's mad. You can't...
- Well, it's your show. - Look, it's not my show.
It's everyone who works on it. We're a family.
Well, if we're a family, then this is incest,
so what are we gonna do?
- So what are we gonna do? - Look... You...
Look. I...
I love you.
And you can't go making life decisions
based on not upsetting people and doing what they tell you to.
Well, sorry that I do that.
Okay, I'm sorry that I do that.
But then just... tell me what I should do.
Oh, you're an idiot.
But you're brilliant. Of course I'm not going to let you go.
- Ow. - Mwah.
Hmm.
I'm just so frightened all the time.
You know, I really... I'm just frightened all the time.
Yeah, I know.
- You've got egg on your top. - Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's... It's kid carnage at the moment.
Genevieve's away.
Look.
You can't leave the show. It's not fair.
- You have to go and tell him that. - No.
- I'll come with you. - No.
- I'll talk to him. - Don't do that.
Obviously don't do that, okay. It's completely inapp...
It's my life. Promise me you won't do that.
- Well, promise me you'll fight. - Well...
Oh, don't 'cause, I mean, we should...
She's, uh... she's here to see Mr. Betterton.
Apparently, um, he's her husband.
Yeah, I haven't visited before, which is bad of me.
Come with me. He's in Lecture Hall C.
Doesn't she need to sign in?
For security?
Suzie Pickles isn't here to bomb us, is she?
If she is, then that would be strange. Happy to go that way.
It was written in the late 1400s by two German inquisitors
and, um, I thought maybe we could try it out on someone here.
Who wants to volunteer? Anyone?
All you have to do is sit in a chair.
Valerie, why don't you come down?
- Alright. - There you go.
Have a pew, my friend.
Here she is. Ah... Valerie.
- Did you steal all the penises? - Yeah, I did.
- You did, didn't you? - I have all the penises.
She has all the penises. I knew it. Okay. Here's what we're gonna do.
We are going to make Valerie confess, okay?
- Okay. - To be a 'vitch'.
Okay. So, Valerie, what do you think you might be accused of?
Um, I don't know. Killing a baby.
Killing a baby? Right. Okay.
That escalated quickly.
Um, no. Um, sorry.
- Being in league with Satan. - Well, that's good, actually.
That's good. But that's much more European.
Truthfully it would be something much more prosaic.
So it would be like a bad year for crops, okay?
What do you think a jury would want to hear?
- Evidence. - Evidence, yeah.
And luckily there is agreed physical evidence
that proves being a witch.
You're gonna like this.
A bleeding mark where your familiar suckles.
- Yeah. Okay. - Okay.
So to prove your innocence to us,
show us you don't have one of those anywhere.
Go on.
No.
Really?
Seems like you have something to hide.
What do you want me to do?
I think you know.
No?
She's a witch. That was easy, wasn't it? Anyone else? Who's next?
Sorry. You're hung, pressed or drowned. Hanged.
- Hiya. - Oooh.
Sorry.
Oof!
So I came to university earlier.
- Did you? - Yeah.
Thought you were right about me not visiting.
They didn't seem to know we were married.
What do you mean? I wear a ring.
No, that it's me.
Oh, that it's you. Oh.
Why didn't I see you there?
Ah, you were doing a lecture
and then, um, I had to go and get some dry-cleaning.
Did you, um...
... talk to any of the producers or anybody?
Oh, my goodness. Cob, this whole, like,
'everything's fine' politeness.
I'd rather you were just fucking angry with me.
I'd rather you were just shouting.
Oh, you would, would you? You'd rather that. Oh, okay.
- Well, if Suzie wants something. - No, it's not what Suzie wants.
It's not what I want.
It's just if that's how you feel...
If I get angry, you'll just get all victim-y
and tell me I remind you of your dad.
You like it when I'm victim-y. You like it.
You like it. It's the only time you feel comfortable.
- What? - Yeah.
Yeah, you like it. You like it.
You like it when I'm small or... or without a job.
You know what's amazing to me, actually...
You know, you know what? No. No.
I will not... I won't play the victim.
Baby, it is your greatest role to date.
So I saw your lecture today.
I saw you bring someone up onstage, some...
... some young girl and ask her
if she has all the penises in this economy?
My God, you cannot believe anything isn't about you.
Hang on a minute, asking her to get undressed in front of everyone.
That is the whole point, it's about demonstrating
that you can't prove a negative without dehumanising people.
Do you know what? Forget it. Fucking forget it.
If you'd ever read a fucking book in your life.
I've written a book, mate.
Please. It's hardly a book, is it? And it was ghost-written.
Fuck's sake.
I feel sorry for you, Cob.
I feel... No, I feel embarrassed for you.
- You feel embarrassed? - Yeah, I feel embarrassed for you.
Embarrassed of moi? You're the one who should be embarrassed, mate.
Why should I be embarrassed? No, go on. Say it.
Why should I be embarrassed? Say it.
You're incredible. You genuinely think that you're the victim here.
I... It's my work, Cob.
Yes. It's my fucking work.
I... I pay for... I pay for everything in this house.
I pay for everything. Even your PhD.
You know, I shouldn't be punished twice.
Fine. Do it, then. Don't quit the show. Fucking carry on.
Where are you going?
Somebody has to go and get Frankie.
Oh, God.
_
You know, it occurs to me, um,
that, uh, if you're in a room with a guy,
just you and a m...
Like, if I'm in a room alone with a man, most of the time,
I don't know who would win in a fight between us.
Yeah.
But with you with a man...
... he could always...
He could kill you.
Like, I could kill you right now.
And that must make for a different experience.
Yeah.
Like, it makes sense if...
If a man is in a room with you, you know.
A man who you are in thrall to economically...
... and he wants to take pictures of you, that...
... must be quite frightening.
You know? I get it.
Yeah.
You know, no... no more than normal.
But, um, I totally take on your point.
Yeah, I don't mean to come over all Germaine Greer.
I know where you are.
I know you think that you're protecting him.
But you made a mistake.
You tried to scare my family.
You couldn't know...
... what you were dealing with,
the hell you would unleash.
Because the chose the wrong guy to mess with.
Hey. Hey. Hey. Sorry. Sorry.
I didn't mean to freak you out.
What are you doing here?!
- Hi. - Oh, my God. Hi.
I needed to come tell you so you could see my eyes.
I can't see your eyes. It's so fucking dark.
- I told her. - Stop.
Look, I told Genevieve that it's me. That it's us in the pictures.
You wouldn't need to the leave the show if we were together.
- Why? - We love each other, bae.
You let me come on your tits six hours ago. That means something.
- Well, I didn't do very much. Stop. - Look. Look.
- I'll talk to him, okay? - No!
We'll sort it out like grown-ups. Like in a Woody Allen film.
Please, your voice.
Your voice is so loud. It really carries.
The air... No, listen to me. The air out here, it's so still.
- We can be... we can be together. - No.
No? So why did you come by today? Why did we just do that?
Carter, you're being crazy. You have to... You're crazy. Stop it!
- Let's do it. Let's... let's jump! - No. Stop!
Stop, please. No. Please. I can't. I can't do that right now.
I just told my wife. What the fuck am I meant to do now?
Shhh! I don't know.
I can't believe you're doing this to me.
Doing what? I'm not doing anything.
Can you just tell me if we're doing this?
'Cause I'm just gonna have to crawl back to Genevieve
on my hands and knees right now.
- Sorry. I can't right now. - You can. You can.
- Oh! - You can.
No! Stop it!
Okay. Okay. Right.
Well... Alright, I understand now, don't I? Cool.
Then we can't work together, obviously, now I've told her.
And so now my life's fucked.
- Yeah. - I'm sorry. I'm just...
- There goes my marriage. - Please.
And now I'm gonna have to write you out of every fucking episode. Fine!
- Shh! Shhh! - No, fine!
Sorry. Fucking car. Where's my car?
You alright?
Yeah. Sorry, I just...
What? What is it? Is it her?
- No, it's not... - Is someone out there?
No. No. No!
Stop! No, because you've had a drink. Don't...
There's no-one there. It's just me. I'm just being para.
I'm just... I'm losing my mind. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm going mad.
- I'm going mad. - You are not going mad.
I am going mad. It's just...
It's like... It's just so much...
It's just so much with the stalker.
Yeah, well, they tend to do that, don't they?
And I'm sorry. I'm sorry, because you were right.
Of course you're right. Of course I have to leave the show.
You know, I told them and I don't know what I was thinking.
You know, I just thought they would be angry with me, but you're right.
It's just a stupid fucking show. I'm sorry. I love...
Okay, I love you. I'm s...
- It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. - I'm sorry.
- Come here. Come here. - I'm sorry.
You're fine. Come on.
Come on. Let's get you to bed. Okay?
I'll sleep down here tonight.
It's okay.
I'm just...
I'm just gonna do the alarm.
Okay. Good thinking.
_
- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -