♪ gonna shake hands around the world ♪
♪ down by the river side ♪
Sing with me, ray! ♪ down by the river side ♪
♪ down by the-- ♪ You gotta do this--you gotta do this outside?
rainwater doesn't collect inside the house.
Reduce, reuse, recycle.
Gerald, I'm gonna need your help setting up my pet adoption stand.
Adoption? I was adopted by you guys.
I wanna help. We're all going to help, ubuntu.
I'll be right there after my meeting with president jensen at the college.
I have a meeting, too. It's a--an...
Extracurricular..Uh, think tank.
They're useless without me.
Come on, bliss.
Oh, look who's coming up the drive
With a big sack of poison-- your dad.
I'm going to kill the raccoon I saw tramping around here.
Vicious beasts, carry rabies,
Look like bandits with those black rings around their eyes.
You can't go around killing wildlife at my house
While I'm at one earth heading up a pet rescue group!
That's a waste of time!
Dad, just leave the raccoon alone.
I'll pick up a have-a-heart trap.
Pet rescue? Have-a-heart?
It's all lollipops and moonbeams with you, isn't it?
You know, charlie, maybe you should think about adopting a pet.
They're very therapeutic for the elderly.
Hmm. I always wanted a thoroughbred.
Do those come in dog? And not some vegan wuss like che.
One that wins trophies and barks at immigrants.
We're not peddling purebreds. We're placing rescues.
It's very important work.
So your new cause is to take a pet no one wanted
And give it to someone else who doesn't want it.
Of all your useless ideas, this is your worst yet.
Now it's your turn. You sing with me, charlie.
♪ gonna shake hands around the world ♪
♪ down by the river side ♪
♪ ain't gonna study war no more ♪
Transcripted on Addic7ed.com by Philayevi, honeybunny and chamallow35
www.addic7ed.com
The Goode Family - Season 01 Episode 03 - "Goodes Gone Wild"
Nice shirt! Hey, you know what would go great with it?
Roscoe here!
Penny, this is important work, right?
It better be. This is supposed to take the place
Of a husband and kids in my life.
I could use a snack. You want anything? Coffee?
Black, three sugars.
What did you say, roscoe?
You wanna go home with that nice man?
Yes, the squirrels are annoying,
But I try to imagine how aannoying we are to them.
Yeah, but we don't chew through their electrical wires
And crap on my desk. They gotta go!
Well, now you're not suggesting we kill them?
Oh, god, no! You know my wife.
Margo and her animal rights friends would be all over me.
You have to get rid of them with no poison and no traps
Oh, and no budget.
Oh, my.
Well, no wonder there's no takers.
These cages are a mess and mittens'litter box needs scooping.
Ubuntu!
Pallet jack.
Now, ubuntu, I know you love machinery, But you're not done scooping.
Bliss! A little help over here! Coming!
So we're gonna hang out at the mall and make fun of people that hang out at the mall.
That sounds great! If I weren't stuck here...
Helen, such an adorable...
What is this, a bake sale?
No, margo, it's a pet adoption.
You can tell by the sign that says "pet adoption" and all the pets.
Oh! I wish I had time for a hobby like that.
But the work I'm doing for animal welfare is a little more important.
I'm the new regional managing director of S.E.T.A.
It's the premier animal rights organization in the world.
I know who they are.
We're heading to chicago to stage a protest at the japanese consulate.
I'm in charge of the rubber whale.
You're organizing a protest? I would love to go.
- We're full. - The protest is full?
Helen, I was waiting in line for soy cream
When I found some people that are really into helping animals.
Animals or else?! Wow! I-I-I...
didn't even know there was a local chapter.
We try to stay under the radar.
- I'm a regional director for S.E.T.A. - How cute.
Well, if you want to join forces, we could always use the help.
With your slave auction?
Pet adoption, not slave auction.
Animals or else doesn't rescue animals
So they can be placed in dehumanizing subjugation,
Turned into tragic stepin fetchits.
We rescue them, give them back their dignity
And allow them to live free in the wild,
The way nature intended.
Well, I'm not sure how long buttons here would last in the wild.
They say people don't have a natural predator.
Well, they must not know us.
They are so violent.
I wonder if they would let me join.
- What the... - Another "dump and dash."
Hello, honey.
- Oh, god, what stinks? - I think it's that.
Ugh! What is it?
ugh. Whatever it is, it's name is... Gutterball?
In my 16 years of placing pets, I've never said this,
But let's tie it in a sack and throw it in the river.
No! I came here to place pets, damn it!
Hey, how about a cuddly new playmate?
Uh-oh.
Cut him off at the juice bar!
Oh, god!
it's okay! I got him!
Now how wants to take this little rascal home?
Dad! W-what are you doing here?
I was sitting around the condo with your mother,
and I realized maybe I do need a pet.
Really? And you came to me for help?
Yeah. What the...
Now what's this big guy's name?
Oh, dad, I wouldn't.
Gutterball. Perfect!
You... Like it?
It's one of my rescues.
So maybe I'm not so useless after all, huh?
Ah, maybe. Can I keep it?
What? Well... Sure.
Yeah, of course.
Gerald, look who's here to support my cause
and to make up for a lifetime of his crippling, negative comments!
- That's right! - My dad is adopting gutterball.
- You can take him home right now. - Oh, they don't allow pets at my condo.
Can he bunk at your place?
That way, I can come visit every day.
That's really not possible because...
Of course he can!
- That thing is so disgusting. - Kill it!
Helen, I'm already under pressure with a rampant squirrel problem at work.
- We cannot keep this vile creature here. - We have to keep him!
My father has found value in anything I do.
You don't know what it was like growing up with him.
Lemonade? It's all dolphins and doilies with you, isn't it?
Homework? It's all rainbows and leprechauns with you, isn't it?
College? It's all polka dots and unicorns with you, isn't it?
That thing is the pickax I can use
To hack my way into my father's heart.
He does that.
It may be a hair ball. It may be an egg.
I'm not sure.
I hear paprika works as a natural squirrel repellent.
But that could upset their stomachs.
Oh, I'll add peppermint. That's soothing.
Helen, I thought you were supposed to be down at your pet adoption stand.
It's okay. Bliss and ubuntu are covering it.
But it's your group.
I'll be there as soon as I can.
Gutterball's milk is on the counter, dad.
Warmed up, just like you asked.
Wait, is this one of those plastic bottles With all the b.P.A.?
I can't use this. Get a glass one. It has to be glass.
Hey, why don't we lock gutterball in the bathroom,
And then you and I can go shopping for that stuff together?
Sorry. I promised gutty we'd watch the game.
Yes!
I'm gonna getcha! I'm gonna getcha!
Get me! Get me!
Whoopsie daisies!
Gutterball's flying! Whee!
Hey! Careful! You like facing forward, don't you?
Oh, god.
Che! Che! Here, boy.
you know, a vegan dog has no chance to save that squirrel
Or protect himself against those carnivores.
In fact, since gutterball is staying,
I'll just take you to work where it's safe.
hold him.
Okay, but I-I can't adopt him. I work all day.
No backsies!
and I was like, "are you making me choose between my cats and you?"
And he's all like, "ma'am, just sign for the package."
it's a good story. I wish my mom had shown up to hear it.
We've only got an hour to goof on all the losers taking their lunch break at the food court.
Okay, so here's the guy in front of me in line yesterday...
"uh, I-I'd like a slice of pizza, please."
- all right, let's move. - I miss everything.
Well, I hope my paprika potion
Will nonviolently urge the squirrels off campus.
It may be a while.
Here's an organic soy bone to pass the time.
I placed a cat.
You placed it with another cat. That doesn't count.
Where were you?
I've been helping your grandfather with the child he never had. I begged him to put a diaper on gutterball,
But, "oh, no. He'll lose his dignity."
Ugh! I feel like cinderella cleaning up after that beast.
Helen, you're losing sight of what matters.
The pet rescue placed zero pets today.
Gutterball's sick.
well, maybe it was that third beer you gave him this morning.
It's not that. He needs to be in bed.
A-are your sheets clean?
Oh, no, no, you are not bringing that ill creature anywhere near the family bed.
Gerald's right!
If gutty's sick, we should take him to the vet
And get him a checkup right away.
I'll grab my coat and purse and meet you in the car.
The vet?
You're actually going to pay someone to keep it alive?
Of course not.
From that smell, it must be rotting from the inside out.
The vet will take one look and put him out of his misery,
And we'll be out of our misery.
Hang in there, my little gutterbutter.
Do you need to put it to sleep? You know, for humaneness and such.
It must be, like, a thousand years old in cat years.
Oh, this is no cat.
She's a dog?
Oh, it's not a "she."
But gutterball's got no jimmy-wimmy. I looked.
Well... you would've had to have peeled back the...
yeah, I-I really would rather not go into it.
See, this is not a sick dog.
This is a very healthy trifulfula vulgaris.
It's actually an endangered marsupial species
Native to the tamil region of sri lanka.
- Quite rare. -Aha! He's a purebreed, right?
Oh, that's for certain. Nothing would breed with this animal.
- I knew you were special! - Let me get you some info.
Hey, that's you!
trifulfula vulgaris, or tri-vulg,
Is a rarity in the animal kingdom.
Hated even by its own species.
Because of this repugnancy,
Over the years, it has evolved a unique mating ritual.
The male will approach the female,
which is marked by its bright yellow tail and extra gland sacs...
And emit a fast-acting...
Natural sedative.
Like that poor frozen turkey.
Soon, the male tri-vulg Will nonconsensually "date" the female...
For up to 17 hours at a time.
I knew he liked me!
Wow, that stuff packs a punch.
We can't keep him!
I mean, he's endangered...
And so he's precious, so he should...
Zoo! Be in a zoo, of course!
Oh, no zoo will take a tri-vulg.
The hong kong zoo tried once...
did not go well.
No, he's all yours.
The good news is that with proper care and feeding,
These babies can live for over a hundred years!
And gutterball here is just a pup.
What's it doing back here?
He's an endangered tri-vulg, and he's going to outlive all of us.
To celebrate, dad's throwing a party.
He went to buy a cake,
maybe rent a bouncy house.
But if it's an endangered animal, doesn't it belong in the zoo?
They won't take him!
Nobody will take him!
Not the zoo, not dad's retirement village. No one!
Well, have you tried craigslist?
Remember when I sold all my old socks?
I thought gutterball was going to make my dad proud of me.
I thought he just had trouble showing love. But the truth is,
he just can't show it
to me.
Well... Not to make light of your emotional starvation,
But can we just focus on getting rid of gutterball right now?
I mean, it's not just gonna ooze its way into the wild and out of our lives.
Can't we call somebody?
Yes! And I know who--
animals or else.
Animals or else?
- They're scary. - Oh, hell yeah, they're scary,
and they won't let anything stand in the way of preserving an animal's natural dignity.
Wow, for an extremist group that wants to be under the radar,
they have a pretty informative web site.
Let's see... "directions," "hours"... "contact us"!
Lift.
Turn?! Lift then turn!
Say what you said to that guy eating a pretzel.
Hey, nice tie.
Better hurry up. Don't want to be late for work.
- Yeah. - Hey, that's my apron.
I miss all the fun.
Tonight, I'm gonna go soak in a jacuzzi and hope I get pregnant.
I called my dad and told him gutterball would look great
in a birthday hat.
That should buy us some time for animals or else to get here.
Great. So what are you gonna tell your dad when he gets home?
I don't know, maybe that it ran away.
Are you okay?
Did he emit?
I... I can't do it.
I can't do it to my dad.
Yes, you can.
Your dad loves that horrid, reeking creature
more than he loves you. Hold on to that.
I can't. He's so happy.
But animals or else are on their way.
You can't cross these people. They're crazy!
Do you think they would be satisfied with liberating a raccoon?
This is working, right?
So you've really come around since your little minstrel show at one earth.
Yes. Animals should live like animals.
You make a very good point.
And a very clear threat.
Whoa, looks like that tri-vulg is getting tired of captivity.
It worked!
Ta-da! Matching outfits
Let's have the party outside so everyone can see us.
That might not be a good idea.
Gutterball shouldn't be seen for a while.
What the hell are you babbling about?
Some people just left.
They thought they were taking gutterball away.
they wanna release him to his natural environment.
Why would they think that? Why would they even know about gutterball?
I told them.
I wanted them to come and take him away because he's mean, vicious, smelly...
and because I was jealous.
- Where is he?! - He's right here,
but you should know that even though I fantasized about him being placed on a land mine,
Helen would not get rid of him.
I can't trust you people alone with my baby.
Aw, I wish you could come live with me.
Well, at least in 40 years, we'll be too old to smell that thing, too.
And when we lose our eyesight, it won't look so disgusting.
What an adorable grandson.
He's a keeper, all right.
But "gutterball"?
That is such an unusual name.
Well, his parents are crackheads. What are you gonna do? That's why I'll be keeping him here.
Do you think deep down my dad appreciates all that I went through for him?
Mm... S... sure.
Well, I guess this is all for the best...
until animals or else discovers we gave them a raccoon
and firebombs our house.
Um, this isn't really a tri-vulg's natural environment.
You know we couldn't afford to fly it to sri lanka!
But this is a lot better than living in shame.
Yes! Go! Onward!
You know what? We are doing work we can be proud of.
Helen! I saw you on the animals or else web site.
I can't believe that you're liberator of the month! Congratulations!
You have got to get me in with animals or else.
I don't know. The movement is pretty full.
But I'll put in a good word for ya if you prove yourself worthy.
You can start by cleaning those cages.
You guys have been working hard. Since margo's here, why don't you take off?
Yes! Hey, guys, wait up! I have a great idea!
You know who we should mock?
The mall masseuse!
And the third time I almost got engaged, I found out he was gay,
although he married a woman a year later.
I guess it's all timing. Ugh.
Transcripted by honeybunny, Philayevi and chamallow35 www.addic7ed.com