♪♪
Narrator: Now believe it or not,
and I've been known to lie, but this here's a true story.
Now, the desire for food sometimes make strange bedfellers.
That's where Ren Hoke and Stimpy come in.
Ren: That's Hoek, you eediot, not 'Hoke'!
Natural enemies in the wild, the cat and the asthma-hound chihuahua...
...have united in the face of adversity.
Now, old man hunger was just a-gnawing at their bellies.
Why, heck, even a dad-gum crust of bread could look mighty appetizing.
'Ceptin' o' course if it happened to be some other feller's lunch..
...and old man pigeon wasn't about to give up his meal.
Well, it looks like Old Man Lady Luck just about run out on these two fellers.
But always remember, when the black hoary clouds of despair darken your doorstep...
Look for that one ray of hope, come a-shinin' down from above!
CHOIR: ♪ Hallelujah! ♪
Dog Catcher: Hot diggety dawg!
I filled my quota for the day!
You boys are gonna like this place.
We're gonna have a lot of fun, here.
You boys LIKE to have FUN, don't you?
Ren: Yeah, sure, fun! Heh, anything you say!
Go ahead, have fun! See if I care!
Phil: Yeah, this is the life!
A square meal a day.
A roof over your head.
Whaddya think, boys?
Ren: Yes, food, shelter...
Yep, nothing can go wrong here! Take it from Phil!
Hey, Jasper. Where they takin' Phil?
Jasper: He's going to sleep!
[YAWNING] Oh, great!
I could use a nap myself.
[SNORING]
Oh my darling, my little cucaracha,
I KISS your sleep encrusted eyes of morn.
I caress your large bulbous nose.
Oh, let us join lips in one final SWEET exchange of saliva!
[SMOOCHING]
[REN SCREAMING]
I've been poisoned! I must wash myself!
What's the matter with you, man?
Have you no sense of hygiene?!
Hey, Jasper.
Where's Phil?
I told you, they put him to sleep!
So wake him up!
You don't wake up... from the BIG sleep!
[THINKING] The big sleep...
THE BIG SLEEP!
THE BIG SLEEP! THE BIG SLEEP!
[WHIMPERING]
Stimpy: What's the big sleep, Ren?
He's... DEAD!
DEAD, YOU IDIOT! YOU KNOW WHAT DEAD IS?!
JUST LIKE WE'LL BE IF WE DON'T GET OUT OF HERE!
[CRYING]
[MAKING RANDOM NOISES]
Oh, god!
What?!
Don't do it, man!
[REN THINKING] I'm covered with hairballs!
You filthy dope! You fat, bloated eediot!
You worm! You stupid...!
Mommy, Mommy, I want the cute little poodle!
Oh, he's adorable!
I'm going to take you home and love you and feed you and
fix you and kiss you and everything!
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive!
I'm out of here, Jack!
[GROAN]
STOP!
You can't have me, unless you take Stimpy too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Please please God, please!
Mmm, okay!
Oh, just look at you cute little things! And what's this?
And do we have a gift for our big, brainless kitty? Of course we do, yeah!
My first material possession! Oh joy!
I can hardly wait to try it!
[COUGHING]