- Hey, guys... - Wait, let me tell them.
- Oh, sure. - Joey's going to be
a celebrity guest on a game show.
- [ Chandler ]: Hey. - [ Phoebe ]: Oh.
- Really? Which one? - [ Monica ]: Mm-mm.
Fish. Seaweed.
- A sunken ship. - Things you find in the ocean.
- You're going to be on "Pyramid"! - Yeah.
- Oh, it was our favorite game show ever. - Except for "Match Game."
- Or "Win, Lose or Draw." - [ Ross ]: Oh!
What did I marry into?
Well, do you guys want to come down tomorrow and watch me tape the show?
Oh, we can't. We're throwing Phoebe a bachelorette party.
Yeah, sorry, boys. This ride's closing.
Well, and Chandler and I have this stupid college alumni thing.
Oh, I can't believe you get to meet Donny Osmond.
- Seriously? - Yuh-huh!
Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie.
[ Ross ]: Mm-hmm.
You guys just keep getting cooler and cooler.
Yeah, we used to perform for our family and friends.
Oh, God, that's right. I blocked that out.
[ singing ]: ♪ I'm a little bit country ♪
♪ And I'm a little bit rock 'n' roll ♪
I'm leaving you.
Sync by chocomoon www.addic7ed.com
{an8}♪ So no one told you life was going to be this way ♪
{an8}♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪
{an8}♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪
{an8}♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
{an8}♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪
{an8}♪ Your month, or even your year ♪
{an8}♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
{an8}♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
{an8}♪ I'll be there for you ♪
{an8}♪ Like I've been there before ♪
{an8}♪ I'll be there for you ♪
{an8}♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too ♪
{an8}[ ♪ smooth jazz music playing over speakers ]
{an8}It's so weird to see all these people again.
{an8}Oh, my God, look, there's Jeffrey Klarik.
{an8}- Who? - He was roommates with John Rosoff?
{an8}He went out with Andrea Tamborino?
{an8}She dumped him for Michael Skloff?
{an8}Did I go to this school?
{an8}Hey, there's Missy Goldberg. You got to remember her.
{an8}Sure. Nice.
{an8}Dude, you're married to my sister.
{an8}You're right. By saying "nice," I'm virtually licking her.
{an8}Hey, I hear she's single again. You think I should ask her out?
{an8}Are you asking permission to break the pact?
{an8}Yes, please.
{an8}Hey. Hey, check out the fliers for the band.
{an8}I made them on a Macintosh in the computer room.
{an8}Awesome. The name really stands out.
{an8}Thanks to a little something called Helvetica Bold 24-point.
{an8}Man, we're going to rock that Asian Student Union!
{an8}- Hey, guys. - [ both ]: Hey, Missy.
{an8}You know, our band is playing on Friday.
{an8}Yeah, yeah, you should come check us out.
{an8}We're called "Way/No Way."
{an8}- No way. - [ both ]: Way!
{an8}- Great. I'll be there. - [ Chandler ]: Fresh.
{an8}- Boss. - [ Chandler ]: Mint.
{an8}- She's gone. - I know it.
You know, I'm totally going to ask her out.
Dude, I was going to ask her out.
- I said it first, bro. - Oh, I thought it first, homes.
- Look, if you date... - Wait, wait. What are we doing?
What we have is too important to mess it up over some girl.
I mean, we can get laid any time we want.
Totally.
- I had sex in high school. - Me, too. I'm good at it.
All right, I say we make a pact.
Neither of us will go out with Missy Goldberg.
You got it.
All right, so that's Missy Goldberg, Phoebe Cates, and Molly Ringwald
- who neither of us can go out with. - Those are the pacts.
Oh, and Sheena Easton. But we probably couldn't get her anyway.
[ Ross scoffing ]
[ Ross ]: Huh! Huh! Maybe not you.
Well, I officially give you permission to break the pact.
Thank you.
All right, here I go. Now, remember how scary
it used to be going up to girls in college?
- Your hands are shaking. - I know, and I can't stop sweating.
[ stage manager ]: Five, four, three, applause!
[ crowd cheering and applauding ]
Yeah!
Welcome. It is Soap Opera Week here on "Pyramid."
Let's meet our contestants.
First, Gene Lester is a database specialist.
He's going to be playing with "Days of Our Lives" star, Joey Tribbiani!
[ audience cheering and applauding ]
[ Donny ]: And over here, we have Henrietta Cherry...
Listen, I know it can be intimidating for regular people to be around celebrities,
but relax. I'm just like you, only better-looking and richer.
[ Donny ]: She'll be playing with star of "General Hospital," Leslie Charleson.
[ audience cheering and applauding ]
Welcome, everybody. Good luck to all of you. Let's play "Pyramid."
All right. Now, we flipped a coin before the show.
Gene, you won the toss, so you're going to start. Which category would you like?
- I'll take "You Crossed the Line." - [ Donny ]: "You Crossed the Line." Joey,
describe for Gene these things that have lines.
Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. Ready? Go.
Uh, okay, it's a store like a supermarket...
[ warble plays over speakers ]
Oh. I see what I did there. Okay, okay. Uh, I'm writing in my...
- Diary. - No, more like a notebook...
[ warble plays over speakers ]
Damn it! Okay.
Um...oh, if I'm building a house, the plan...
isn't called a "shmooprint"...
[ warble plays over speakers ]
I can't do that either?
Oh, in high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...
- Cafeteria? - Yeah, but that's not
what they're looking for.
[ tone plays over speakers ]
[ Joey & audience ]: Aw...
[ Joey sighs ]
- Thank you so much for this. - Aw...you like it?
Oh, my God, it's all so elegant.
- Hee, hee. - [ Rachel ]: Aw.
When's the dirty stuff starting?
What?
You know, the strippers and the guys dancing
and, you know, pee-pees flying about.
[ Rachel ]: Oh!
Pheebs, I...there isn't going to be any "flying about." Ha, ha.
We actually thought we were a little too mature for stuff like that.
Oh, okay.
I see what you're doing. That's fine. This is all there is. Just tea. Okay.
[ in British accent ] Mmm...raunchy.
[ chuckling ]
Seriously, Pheebs, it's not going to be that kind of a party.
[ in normal voice ] Really? So th-this is...?
This is my big send-off into married life?
Rachel, this is the only bachelorette party I'm ever going to have.
I've, I've got a big wad of ones in my purse.
Really? I mean, really? It's just tea?
No!
[ scoffs ]
- Phoebe, of course there's more. - Okay.
I mean, let me just go talk to Monica,
and get an ETA on the pee-pees. Heh.
[ Donny ]: Now, Gene, I must remind you,
you need all six of these to stay in the game, all right?
Describe for Joey "Things you find in your refrigerator."
Bah, they might as well just give us the points. Ha-ha-ha.
Give me 20 seconds on the clock. Ready? Go.
- You put this in your coffee. - Uh, a spoon! Your hands! Your face!
- It's white. - Paper! Snow! A ghost!
- It's heavier than milk. - A rock. A dog. The Earth. Heh, heh.
- Pass. - Ugh.
- You put this on a sandwich. - Salami. Anchovies. Jam.
- It's white. - Paper! Snow! A ghost!
- It's made from eggs. - Chickens!
- Pass. - Oh...
- You put this on a hamburger. - Ketchup!
- Yes. - Relish!
- Stop! [ buzzer ] - Oh.
[ tone plays over speakers ]
Oh, time's up. Well, Joey, you were, uh...
- almost on a roll there, ha-ha-ha. - Yeah.
Gene, you're going to have a chance to go to the
Winner's Circle in the second half, but right now,
Henrietta, you are going to the Winner's Circle to try your luck for $10,000
right after this. Don't go away.
And we're out.
Oh, so we didn't win. But it's fun to play the game, right?
[ Gene ]: Hey.
I got a kid starting college. I have to get surgery on my knee.
You just lost me ten grand.
Oh, wow.
I'm so sorry. Okay, I promise, we'll do better next time.
Well, I will, because I won't be playing with you.
Hey, some of those were pretty hard.
Like, why would there be a ghost in my fridge?
Yeah.
- So, Saturday night? - I'd love to.
Great.
So how come it took you so long to ask me out?
Oh, well, uh, this is going to sound kind of silly, but...
do you remember my roommate, Chandler Bing?
Sure. He was in your "band."
It's been sixteen years, but the air quotes still hurt. Heh.
- Sorry. - That's okay. Um, anyway,
ahem, well, he and I both really liked you a lot, um,
but we didn't want anything to jeopardize our friendship, so we kind of made a pact
that neither of us could ask you out.
- Really? - Yeah. Why?
Well, Chandler and I used to make out...
a lot.
- You did? - Yeah.
- We'd go to the science lab after hours. - And on my turf?!
Hey. Hey, where is this guy? It's been over an hour.
Well, he's coming from Jersey. He said he would get here as fast as he could.
[ pounding on door ]
- Who is it? - [ man ]: It's the police.
- The police! - [ Phoebe ]: Oh!
[ Rachel gasps ] [ Phoebe giggles ]
[ man ]: That's right, it's Officer Goodbody.
What's the matter, Officer, has someone been bad?
[ Goodbody coughs ]
Whoo, that's a lot of stairs.
Hoo, boy. You should warn people there's no elevator.
[ Goodbody groans ]
Whoa, oh...I should not have had that Mexican food for lunch.
Oh.
Are...are you going to be okay, Officer, uh...?
- Goodbody. - If you say so.
So, where's the young lady
who I am supposed to take...downtown?
Oh, God.
All right, somebody show me where to plug in my box,
and we'll get this party started.
Wah!
- Over here? - [ Monica ]: Yeah.
- [ Goodbody ]: All right. - Rachel?
- Yeah? - Um, are you kidding?
All right, look, we did not know that you wanted
a stripper, so we went to the phone book,
- and we got the first name we could find. - How old's your phone book?!
Oh, my God, this man is going to get naked in my apartment.
God, no. I don't want to see him take his clothes off.
Are you talking about me?
Oh, no.
I mean, obviously, we want to see you take your clothes off...
you big piece of eye candy.
Okay, okay, ladies, can I have your attention, please?
- [ Phoebe ]: Oh, yeah. - [ Rachel ]: Oh.
Did someone call for the long arm of the law?
I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon.
I hope you're familiar with this state's...penal code.
Okay, okay, enough teasin'.
Now for some pleasin'.
[ ♪ Soft Cell's "Tainted Love" playing over speakers ]
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
♪ Sometimes I feel I've got to ♪
♪ Run away, I've got to get away ♪
♪ Get away from the pain you drive Into the heart of me ♪
♪ The love we share ♪ ♪ Seems to go no... ♪
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
She cringed!
This is how I look when I'm turned on.
You were talking about me before.
Look, I don't need this. I'm out of here. Where's my hat?
Look, I've been in this business for a long time.
Shocking.
Now, if you'll just pay me my $300, I'll be on my way.
- $300? Are you kidding? - No, that's okay, let me get my checkbook.
No, you're not going to pay him... he didn't do anything.
Didn't do anything? I took a bus all the way from Hoboken.
I climbed, I don't know, like, a billion stairs.
And it's not like I can take them two at a time.
I don't care, we're not paying you $300 for this.
Well, look, it's not my fault if you're too uptight to appreciate
the male form in all its glory.
Oh, yeah, okay, I'm uptight. Yeah, that's why I don't want to watch a middle-aged guy
dance around in what I can only assume is a child's Halloween costume.
I may have borrowed this from my nephew...
but let me assure you, what's underneath is all man.
I'm sorry, did you say "all man" or "old man"?
[ groans ]: Whoa!
You're mean.
- Uh, look, uh, Officer, um, sir... - [ Goodbody ]: Damn it! Oh... [ groans ]
Listen.
[ sobbing ]
Big surprise. The hunk of beef has feelings.
[ stage manager ]: Applause.
[ audience applauding ]
Okay, Henrietta, you picked "Jack and Jill Went Up The Hill."
Oh. My friend Rachel has a kid. I totally know nursery rhymes.
Joey, describe these things associated with the United States Congress.
Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please.
{an8}Ready...go.
{an8}[ ♪ tense music playing over speakers ]
{an8}Uh...uh...
{an8}pass. Pass. Pass.
{an8}Okay, the little thing that hangs down in the back of your throat.
{an8}An uvula.
{an8}Oh. Then pass.
{an8}- [ buzzer ] - [ groans ] Aw...
[ Osmond ]: Okay. Henrietta, you didn't get all the points you needed,
so that means, Gene, you are going to the Winner's Circle to try for $10,000.
[ audience cheering and applauding ]
And you're going to be going there with Joey Tribbiani!
You made out with Missy Goldberg?
How could you do that after you promised me?
Excuse me.
That didn't make us sound gay at all.
- You broke the pact! - Ross, that was sixteen years ago.
That doesn't matter. We're talking about the foundation of our friendship.
I believe the foundation of our friendship was unfortunate hair.
All right, look, if we're really going to do this,
it's not like you never broke one of the pacts.
- I didn't. - [ chuckles ] Oh, really?
- No. - Oh, really?
- No! - Adrienne Turner!
Yes?
[ in unison ] Hey, Adrienne.
Hey.
I never did anything with Adrienne Turner.
Oh, please...and you knew how much I liked her.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Really? Remember tha big party freshman year,
a week before Christmas vacation?
I do.
You had some visitors.
[ ♪ After the Fire's "Der Kommissar" playing over speakers ]
I can't believe we're at a real college party.
[ Rachel giggling ]
I have to pee so bad.
This is so awesome.
College guys are so cute.
- Hey, you've got a boyfriend. - I know.
But if some guy who looks like Corey Haim wants
to kiss me tonight, I am so going to let him.
[ chuckles ]
Oh, hey, look. There's Chandler.
You know, that stupid friend of Ross' who said I was fat.
- You know, I've already lost four pounds. - You can so totally tell.
I know!
Well, let's see, maybe he knows where Ross is.
♪ Der Kommissar's in town, uh-oh ♪
Hey, how's it going?
- Aren't you...? - Yeah, Rachel.
And this is Ross' sister, Monica. We met at Thanksgiving.
[ chuckles ] Right. So, how you doing?
Bitchin'.
- Hi, Monica. - Hi, Chandler.
It's really nice to see you. Not! [ snickers ]
[ Monica snorts ]
[ Rachel giggles ]
Okay.
- I'll see if I can find Ross. - Okay.
Oh, my God, Rach, beanbag chairs.
[ Rachel ]: Oh.
Do not let me sit in one of those. We'll be here for days.
♪ Don't turn around, uh-oh ♪
Listen, Adrienne, you can't tell Chandler about this.
Oh, believe me, Ross, I won't be telling anybody about this.
Cool.
♪ Don't turn around, uh-oh ♪
♪ Der Kommissar's in town ♪
I didn't know you knew about that.
Well, I did, and it hurt.
That's when I wrote the song, "Betrayal in the Common Room."
[ sighs ]
Man, I...I'm sorry.
Look...it was a long time ago.
So, uh...I made out with Adrienne, and you made out with Missy.
[ Ross chuckles ]
Well, I guess we're even.
[ Chandler ]: Mm-hmm.
We are even, right?
[ Chandler sighs ]
Just one more thing. I was so pissed at you
that night, that I wanted to get back at you,
so I thought, "Who does Ross like more than anybody?"
What did you do to my mom?
Not her.
[ ♪ Lipps, Inc.'s "Funky Town" playing over speakers ]
♪ Talk about it, talk about it ♪ ♪ Talk about movin' ♪
♪ Got to move on ♪
I am so drunk.
♪ Got to move on ♪
That's weird...I've had the same number of beers
as you, and I don't feel anything at all.
So, you girls having fun?
For your information, ass-munch...
I've lost four pounds. Maybe even five, with all the dancing.
- Did somebody order a pizza? - Oh, that's me!
♪ Won't you take me to Funky Town? ♪
I am so not going to do good on my SATs tomorrow.
Well, maybe you could go to school here next year, and we could totally hang out.
Oh, yeah, there's a plan.
Why don't I just start taking my smart pills now?
[ scoffs ]
Well, maybe you could get in on a beauty scholarship.
[ chuckles ]
What a line.
[ whispers ]: Oh, my God.
- So, where are you applying to? - [ in normal voice ]: Um, well, you know,
I think it's kind of really important that I go somewhere where there's sun,
so I'm sort of...hey!
I'm in college, and I'm in a band.
Yeah, okay.
♪ Won't you take me to Funky Town? ♪
What's the matter? You never saw a 50-year-old stripper cry before?
You know, it's fine. We'll pay you.
No, no, you're right. Who am I kidding?
I should've hung up that break-away jock strap years ago.
What am I going to do? I mean,
this has been my life for 32 years.
Taking my clothes off in front of people is all I know.
Well, wait, no, there's got to be something else that you can do.
I mean, what skills do you have?
I don't know.
I can make my pecs dance.
I can pick up a dollar bill with my butt cheeks.
I can go to that special place inside me where I feel no shame.
So maybe something in an office?
Or you could, you could teach stripping.
You know, share your gift. Pass the torch.
You know, actually, that's not a bad idea.
I could do it out of my apartment. I don't think my mom would mind.
All right, there you go. Okay, you think you're going to be okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.
This is so weird.
You never know when it's going to be your last dance.
And I didn't even get a chance to finish it.
Finish it.
- What? - Your last dance...do it for us.
- Really? - Really?
Yeah. Yeah. He deserves to do the thing he loves one last time.
Okay. All right. Get ready, ladies.
Okay.
[ ♪ Sylvester's "You Make Me Feel Mighty Real" playing over speakers ]
[ whooping ]
♪ Whoa, you make me feel ♪
Whoo!
♪ Mighty real ♪
♪ You make me feel ♪
♪ Mighty real ♪
[ women cheering ]
Oh, this is so hot!
[ Goodbody panting ]
Oh, no, no, no, don't stop.
- Have to. - Oh.
♪ I feel real ♪
[ audience applauding ]
Well, welcome to the Winner's Circle. Joey, Gene, you guys ready?
- Yeah. - Sure.
{an8}Okay. Uh, give me 60 seconds on the clock, please.
{an8}Ready. Go.
{an8}Oak, maple, elm, birch.
{an8}Uh, I don't know... types of trees?
{an8}- [ chime plays over speakers ] - [ audience applauds ]
{an8}Uh... [ speaking in Spanish ] Buenos dias.
{an8}Enchilada. Por favor.
{an8}Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know any Spanish words.
{an8}[ chime plays over speakers ]
{an8}Wow.
{an8}A match. A candle.
{an8}Things that go "tsss" when you put them out.
{an8}- A torch. A bonfire. - Uh, I...
{an8}- Uh...your pee. - Things that burn!
{an8}- [ chime plays over speakers ] - [ audience applauds ]
{an8}"I'd like to go for a walk." Uh, "scratch my belly."
{an8}Dude. Dude, I think you're losing it.
{an8}Uh, "I have fur." Uh, "I like to bark."
{an8}Oh, oh, oh. What a dog says.
{an8}[ chime plays over speakers ]
{an8}- Uh, pepperoni. - Pizza toppings! Next!
{an8}- [ chime plays over speakers ] - [ audience cheers ]
{an8}Cindy Crawford. Uh, Christie Brinkley. Heidi Klum. Claudia Schiffer.
{an8}Oh, oh, oh, oh! Uh...
{an8}Christy Turlington. Uh, Kate Moss.
{an8}Girls Chandler could never get?
{an8}[ tone plays over speakers ]
{an8}- Supermodels. - Where?
Hey. Where's Rachel?
She and Phoebe took the stripper to the hospital.
Did you know Chandler kissed Rachel?
What? When, when was this?
1987. The weekend you guys visited me at school.
Oh, my God. That's wild.
Yeah, but it was, like, a million years ago,
- so, it doesn't matter. - Well, it matters to me.
- Why? - Because the night you kissed Rachel
was the night I kissed Rachel for the very first time.
- You kissed her that night, too? - Two guys in one night?
Wow, I thought she became a slut after she got her nose fixed. Wow.
- Seriously, where did this happen? - Okay,
after you told me she was passed out in our room,
I went in there to make sure she was all right.
She was lying on my bed, all buried in people's coats.
Well, I...I went to kiss her on the forehead,
you know, but it was so dark, I accidentally got her lips.
I started to pull away, but then I felt her start to kiss me back.
It was only for a second, but...it was amazing,
and now, now I find out that you kissed her first.
- Wait...what bed did you say she was on? - Mine.
- I'm pretty sure I put her on my bed. - No, she was definitely on my bed.
Why would I kiss a girl and then put her on your bed?
Well, then, who was on my bed?
Oh! Oh! Oh!
No! No, no!
Yes!
- You were under the pile of coats? - I was the pile of coats.
Oh, my God!
You were my midnight mystery kisser?!
You were my first kiss with Rachel?!
You were my first kiss ever?!
What did I marry into?!
{an8}[ ♪ The Trammps' "Disco Inferno" playing over speakers ]
{an8}[ fingers snapping ]
{an8}Aw, crap.
{an8}♪ Burn, baby, burn ♪
Sync by chocomoon www.addic7ed.com