So let's talk about the 2011
White House Correspondents' dinner.
Do you think maybe you trolled Donald Trump
into running for president?
Uh honestly,
the most memorable part
of that night for me was...
was knowing that the president had just authorized
a secret raid to take out bin Laden.
And watching all these people
who are gonna have to report on it
at the break of dawn
just get wasted.
I actually remember that night very, very well.
Um, do you have any plans on going back to D.C.?
No, I'm happy doing the podcast and consulting.
You know, I'm definitely hoping to find some time
later this year to write a memoir.
Kelsey... Lorraine... Peters!
Lauren, you gotta knock.
You got onto Yara.
- Why do you have my phone? - You got onto Yara!
Dude, it's the dating app you have to apply for.
Okay, I... I did not apply.
Oh, my God, know me better, please.
Come on. I applied for you.
Okay, look, we have Wall Street.
- Wall Street. Ooh, DJ? - Oh, my God.
This looks like every other terrible dating app.
Yo, some of us need to shower.
- Kelsey got onto Yara. - Wow.
Wait, this is like Tinder for the Illuminati, right?
Yes, and she's acting like she's too cool for it.
I am not! I need ten more minutes to get ready.
Wait, wait! Will you just swipe a little bit?
- Ah. - Okay, no.
- Look at those eyes. - Oh, hi there.
Uh. Thi... this is Anna.
Kelsey just got onto Yara, the dating app.
Oh, the celebrity one?
- Yeah. - That's so cool.
Okay, okay, I need to finish getting ready.
This is going to be so much fun.
Oh, it already is! It's so fun.
Oh, can I pee, like, really quick?
Big news.
"People" magazine wants to do a feature
on "Marriage Vacation."
Oh, that's so great!
About Charles and Pauline getting back together.
- Wow. - They even want to pay
for a vow renewal ceremony in Hawaii.
Oh. My gosh, that's amazing.
- Don't think you'll be going. - Hm.
I just heard about "People" magazine.
Oh. We are so excited.
That's not happening.
Pauline and I are
getting a divorce.
- What? - Oh, Charles.
I am so sorry.
Uh, what are we going to do about the book tour?
It starts tomorrow.
Everything goes forward as planned.
I was never part of the publicity.
Not officially, but the book
has been gaining momentum because people thought
it resulted in the author and her husband
getting back together.
I don't know what to say, Diana.
I'm not going to live my life to fit the novel.
So Obama's former speechwriter, Jake Devereux,
is making the rounds with a memoir,
and I think it would be great "get" for Millennial.
Or Empirical. Now, I've been planning
on going after Devereux for weeks.
Who doesn't love a planner, but I actually
have a meeting set with him tomorrow in D.C.
So do I. Maybe you should think about cancelling yours.
Work together. Jake Devereux's book will be big.
So whoever gets him,
it'll be a win for the company.
And I mean, can you believe this timing?
Just as the book about our marriage comes out,
he wants a divorce.
Are you okay?
I don't know. I guess.
I'm mostly just focused on how everyone else
is going to react to the news.
The girls, you two,
everyone who's gonna come hear me read.
- It's none of their business. - I made it their business.
People are gonna want to know
how's the real life Kate and Karl?
Say they're doing great, never been better.
So lie?
Postpone the truth.
At least until you make
the "New York Times" Best Seller List.
What do you think, Liza?
I, uh...
I think, once you've created a story,
other people want to believe it as much as you do.
So true. Honesty can be very self-indulgent.
I don't know. I'm a terrible liar.
Just talk about your relationship when it was good.
It's really just a lie of verb tenses.
We could practice.
Okay.
Uh, let's see. When it was good?
Ah, this is gonna make me sad.
Well...
He used to write me these...
He... writes me
these little love poems on sticky notes
and puts them in the book I'm reading.
That's a good one.
Yeah.
And when we go to the country
in the summer
we always make love outside.
Aw.
And now we're never going to make love again.
That's enough. Very, very good.
You probably don't need to get that detailed.
The bottle.
Hi.
How are you?
Um. I'm, uh... I'm fine.
I was, um, surprised to hear about you and Pauline.
I guess maybe I thought it was working out.
This must be really tough on you and the girls.
Actually, it has been tough.
Anytime you need me, I'm here.
Uh, I mean, not here here. I know this isn't a good place.
Uh, yeah. Yeah, it's not.
How about we get together after Pauline's book tour?
There is a lot that I want to talk to you about.
Of course.
I look forward to it.
"And that night at the dinner table
"in front of the kids,
"he took my hand,
"and for the second time in our relationship,
"he proposed."
Thank you, Pauline.
What a special treat for us
having you hear at Temple Israel.
Well, thank you so much for having me.
Ooh, I see a lot of familiar faces in the crowd
who can't wait to get up and ask questions.
Please, queue up at the microphone.
Ooh.
Goodness.
- Hi, Pauline. Fern Hirsch. - Hi, Fern.
Can you talk a little bit about the process?
- My writing process? - No.
The process of getting back together with your husband.
Oh, um.
- Smile. - I, um...
Um...
Um, you know,
working together brought us closer.
I think we were able to really
rediscover ourselves as partners.
You didn't seem like strangers after all of that time apart?
- I know I would. - Suddenly it's the Fern show.
You know, sometimes sex is better with a stranger.
I think she'll be better one-on-one.
She has to be.
Pauline Turner Brooks,
thank you for being on Bookworm.
Thank you, Michael, and I'm so sorry
- I couldn't join you in LA. - As am I.
Well let's jump right in. What a story.
It's like fiction meets memoir.
Yes. Yes, but mostly fiction.
Well, the way you talk about your husband
and your life together,
they say that God is in the details.
Or the devil, depending on who you ask.
Well may I ask, how is your real-life relationship?
- You just did. - We knew he would.
Oh, it's...
Um...
It's, uh...
Land the plane, land the plane.
It's... good.
It's really good.
Okay, I think she's got this.
You wrote in your book
that your sex life had become
"routine but serviceable,
"like the many Italian bistros on the Upper East Side."
What kind of restaurant would you say your sex life
is like now since the "vacation"?
Well...
It's hot.
So...
Thai, I guess?
Or, um, Korean barbecue?
We have a hot
Korean barbecue sex and it's just so...
So...
Spicy.
So there's so many people.
Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio.
And these guys, they are really good at basketball.
But none of them have the guts to guard the president.
So I have to.
- And he's good, right? - And I'm...
You know, terrible.
They called me "All-Day" because that's how long
the president could score on me.
Aw, that still had to be fun, though.
Imagine all your heroes laughing at you.
Come on, it didn't bruise your reputation too bad.
I've seen the pictures of you hanging out with movie stars.
Yeah, you even dated a couple.
Definitely not putting that in the book.
Well, even if you don't, though I think you should,
your book is gonna be a best seller.
- You think? - Yes.
You just have to publish with the right place.
And, of course, that's Empirical.
Or Millennial.
We have a great track record.
Our goal is to publish authors with original voices.
We also just signed a first-look deal
with Reese Witherspoon's production company,
which puts us in a very unique position.
And one of the benefits of going with Empirical,
there is no big, splashy,
female-focused production company attached.
So you can shop your book around anywhere you want.
And you can keep all the money for yourself.
Either way you go, you'll make a great choice.
- You killed that. - Thank you.
You didn't do so bad yourself.
Mm, but you know he's gonna go with me, right?
You know what? I love your confidence.
Sometimes it's even sexy.
Sometimes.
Can I do half regular and half sweet potato?
Great. Thank you.
_
- See you around? - Yeah, later.
- Thanks, again. - Oh, you're welcome.
- Bye. - Bye.
- You guys met? - Yeah, Josh, y'girl was loose
in the house and asked to borrow some eyeliner.
Let me tell you something about the eyes.
They are the window to the soul.
They are also the doorway to disease and infection.
You didn't have to let her use it.
I shouldn't have been asked, dude.
We're all living in this tiny apartment.
Can we please just set some ground rules
- about bringing people home? - Okay, okay, fine.
Yes. Can we do it over food, though?
- I'm starving. - Thought you'd never ask.
All right. Let's go.
All right, you have to walk them
to and from the front door, okay?
No roamers, no moaners, no giving out the Wi-Fi code.
Oh, and they can have coffee,
but they may not have the cold brew.
Okay, calm down. I just got out of a terrible break up.
- Mm-hmm. - I'm gonna be having
a lot of sex. That's just what you do.
Some people journal furiously about how
they wish they're relationship had ended,
and then they find a surrogate relationship
where they try to re-create the break-up on their terms.
I'm just saying everybody's different.
Okay, I ju... I need to break this pattern, all right?
I want to be the guy that's into random hook-ups,
not the guy who just keeps falling in love with everyone.
Josh, that is like me saying I want to be athletic.
Okay? I'm serious. You're a born romantic, dude.
There's nothing you can do to change that.
I need to change it.
I just keep getting hurt.
- Love just doesn't work for me. - No, but it will.
Okay, listen, you are gonna meet that perfect person,
and it is all gonna click.
What if I already did?
What if it's Liza?
Listen, if you and Liza are meant to be together,
nothing can keep you apart.
And I'm the romantic one?
Yeah.
Out of all the people I could have met on Yara...
I know. I was surprised to see your profile.
And to learn you're interested in men and women.
My friend Lauren applied for me.
- Mm. - Clearly she's more interested
in meeting people for herself.
Uh-huh, sure.
_
- I'll be right back. - No rush.
_
Ah.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
Um...
There are bagels in the lobby.
Yeah, I'm good. I'm actually meeting somebody.
Me too.
Hey, guys.
- Hey. - Hi, Jake.
Sorry, I can't stay for breakfast.
I'm doing HuffPo Live in an hour.
Um, so, look, I was really impressed
with what you guys had to say and I know the importance
of surrounding yourself with smart people,
so I decided that I would like to work with you.
- Who? - Both of you.
Can we do that?
- Why not? - There are a few reasons.
- But we can figure that out. - Okay, fantastic.
I feel really good about this.
- Good. - I'm glad.
Great, so my lawyer will be in touch.
And I'm super excited, so I'll see ya.
Hey, Jake.
Are you sure?
You know, sometimes three's a crowd.
I mean one thing no other publishing house
is offering is two amazing editors.
I'm a first-time author.
I need all the help I can get.
- Okay. - Okay?
Oh, um, I saw you on Yara.
Yeah, I saw you too.
How is the tour going?
Door open or door closed?
Pauline is unhinged.
She cries every time
she's asked about your relationship.
Ah.
I knew that talking about the break up would be hard.
But this... this, uh...
That is truly unexpected.
Uh, she's actually telling people that, um,
that you're still together.
I thought it might be a bad idea, but
it's so hard to push back with such raw subject matter.
It's not your fault. This is uncharted territory.
Ugh, I had such high hopes.
Well, this book
may not be what the company hoped it would be.
It's definitely not what Pauline hoped it would be.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, Diana, for making your job harder.
Charles, maybe you should go tonight in my place.
Wouldn't that just support this fallacy?
You're not supporting her lie.
You're supporting her.
- Liza, sorry I'm late. - Hi, it's okay.
How are you feeling? Ah, nervous.
All right, I'm gonna talk to moderator
before the Q&A starts.
Hopefully I can get him to stick
to questions about the novel.
You know you'd think
the lying would get easier,
but the more it accumulates, the harder it gets.
Yeah. Believe what you're saying is true.
Keep your answers short, and remember, these people
are here because you gave them hope.
Yep, false hope.
Hope that they could have the lives they wanted.
It doesn't necessarily mean saving their marriage.
That can mean anything.
Okay. Thanks, Liza.
"It was a Tuesday.
"Corina had piano lessons and Jamie had ballet.
"I was back in the routine, and it felt like I never left.
- "The one difference was..." - Hey.
No statements and no two-part questions.
And try not to pick someone who came here
for advice on their love life.
How am I supposed to know that?
Oh, you can tell.
"And that night at the dinner table
"in front of the kids,
"he took my hand,
"and for the second time in our relationship,
"he proposed."
Thank you.
Thank you, Pauline.
Now we'll take some questions from the audience.
Oh, no, too eager. Keep going.
Yes, over here on the right.
Mm-mm.
Hi, Pauline.
- Beth. - Hi, Beth.
- Love your book. - Aw, thank you.
I have a personal question.
Oh, of course you do.
How's it working between you
and the real-life Karl?
Um, it's...
It's...
Well, the truth is...
The truth is
my marriage was over before I left.
And no matter what I did,
no matter what he did,
it wasn't gonna get fixed.
This story is a fantasy.
It's how I imagined it for the couple in the book
because I like happy endings.
But for me,
my story isn't over.
And my happy ending is still out there.
Thank you.
Okay, next question.
Thank you too.
- Charles, hi. - Hi.
I didn't know you were going to be here tonight.
I heard that Pauline was having a hard time.
And I assume that lying was your idea?
Charles.
- Hi. - Hi.
- I'm glad you came. - Me too.
And I know that was hard, but...
being honest was the right thing to do.
Well, I mean, I wasn't truly honest.
If I had been, I would have said
that it was your career and your ambition
that ruined our marriage, not mine.
And that when we got married, I thought we'd be a team.
Right away, it was all about you.
I was just there to be your rock.
And you never noticed how unhappy I was
because you didn't want to.
I'm sorry, Pauline.
I really am.
And you're right.
Sometimes I am blind
to what's right in front of me.
Charles.
Huh!
Charles.
Charles. Wait.
Who are you?
- What? - Who are you?
I think if you're asking, you probably know.
I thought I did.
I'm just a woman who lied about her age to get a job.
- How long have you... - It doesn't matter.
- What else did you lie about? - Let me explain.
You betrayed me.
You looked me in the eyes for months and months,
and you pretended to be somebody else entirely.
You are not the kind of person that I want to have in my life.
Unfortunately this company will not survive another scandal.
So from now on
we have a professional reporting relationship.
Maybe it would be better if I just left.
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com -
I thought you did all this to get a job.