- _ - _
Liza!
- Hey. - Hey.
- When did you get back? - Oh, late last night.
I thought you were flying there to stop it,
but I guess not.
So, these are real?
It’s Josh.
Impetuous, romantic, selfless, a little crazy,
and yes, I think he’s making a mistake,
but I’m the last person who can tell him that.
I feel like you are the one person who could tell him that.
I tried, Kels. I really did.
But it wasn’t Josh that wanted me there.
It was Clare.
She wanted pictures of me at the wedding.
It’ll come in handy when I vouch for their relationship
to immigration.
Oh, you got yourself into a pickle.
Yep, a real pickle.
Okay, let’s take it one step at a time.
Yes.
I will let you know how it goes.
- Welcome back. - Thank you.
And sorry for leaving on such short notice.
Josh got married to a girl that I introduced him to.
She’s Irish, so they got married in Ireland.
Right.
It’s really green.
Liza, um,
I’ve been reviewing
some of the things that went on here
over the past year,
and I’m concerned that you have been put in a
compromising position.
It’s been weighing on me,
and if you think that the behavior was inappropriate,
you have to let me know.
No, no, no. Never.
What happened in this office was...
incredible.
I think about it all the time.
But with Pauline back
and wanting to reconcile with you and the family,
you know that I could not stand in the way of that.
But my feelings are there.
And they’re real.
Thank you for that, Liza.
I appreciate it. I really do.
But in this case, I wasn’t referring to me.
I was talking about Edward LL Moore.
Oh.
It hasn’t yet been announced, but he’s decided to write
a new book in the "Crown of Kings" series:
"The Pam Pam Chronicles," a prequel that could launch
an entirely new and very lucrative franchise.
- That’s wonderful. - Yeah, yeah, could be,
but there has been an anonymous accusation made
on a "Crown of Kings" fan site.
A woman who goes by the handle of the Mistress of Thandor
has accused Moore of making lewd
and inappropriate comments.
- What did he supposedly say? - Unclear.
The offensive remarks were allegedly made in Kronish.
Edward insists he said he would like to,
"Come to her Kraka,"
and she claims that he said,
"I would love to come in your Krashka."
- I don’t speak Kronish. - Oh, well,
one means house, the other means mouth.
Oh.
Come in.
Liza, I wanted to speak to you before you...
- So, are we good? - Not quite.
Wait, you realize this anonymous accusation
is nothing but a smear campaign from Rivington
because we stole LL Moore.
It’s like what the Russians did to our election.
Liza, I can’t help but think
about his last book release in Times Square.
Now, my princess, I get to eat you,
So if there’s anything that you would like to discuss,
now would be the time.
Do you want to say something, Liza?
Could destroy the company, but we’ll support you.
He’s a flirty old man,
but he never crossed the line, no.
You sure?
Yes.
Okay.
Okay, so we announce "The Pam Pam Chronicles"
at Comic-Con tomorrow.
All of the former Princess Pam Pams will be there.
Edward specifically requested you.
Your support would mean the world to him.
Wearing the fur bikini?
Princess Pam Pam is a heroine.
I mean, she’s all about female empowerment.
I don’t hear anybody criticizing
Wonder Woman’s costume.
Actually, the bikini is from her slave girl origins.
- That’s right. - The costume is not
- the point here. - No.
What is important is that going forward,
we have clear guidelines at this company
regarding appropriate behavior.
Long overdue.
HR wants a seminar today.
Looking forward to it.
Liza.
While you were cavorting around Ireland,
I was meticulously planning the surprise Comic-Con launch.
There is a list on your desk
of every former Princess Pam Pam.
Edward wants them on stage and in costume
- during the announcement. - Got it.
Oh, and pick me up a chopped salad
so my blood sugar doesn’t drop during that seminar.
Of course, and again, sorry for taking
a couple of days off at such short notice.
Books never sleep, Liza.
Remember that the next time you chase a former lover
halfway around the world.
Hey, I have a surprise for you in my office.
Can I have a hint?
I don’t think I could take another one today.
Pauline!
Liza! Oh, I missed you this week.
Did you see "Good Morning America"?
- I did. - I wish you had been there.
That was your victory too.
What’s all this?
These are the first copies of "Marriage Vacation."
I wanted us all to be together
when I hold my book for the first time.
Okay.
Oh, my gosh.
You know, a year ago, I wouldn’t have trusted myself
around one of these things...
But now, thanks to both of you...
Oh, my God.
Whoa.
It’s beautiful.
Thank you both for believing in me,
for helping me bring this dream to life.
Thank you...
Oh, just doing our job.
- Thank you so much. - You are so welcome.
All right, will you help me
take a picture for my Instagram account?
- Of course. - Dopey, I realize, but...
Ready?
No, no, no, no. I don’t believe this.
"Empirical"?
This is our book.
I cannot believe Charles did this.
Uh-oh.
So, why bother with an imprint
if you’re just going to steal my books?
Whoa, will you slow down?
Apparently, you’d prefer if I just stopped altogether.
It is going to be a bigger book
as an Empirical title,
especially now that we’re about to announce
a new "Crown of Kings" prequel.
Think she’s a little behind on this one.
- When did that happen? - We’re announcing tomorrow
at Comic-Con, and it is going to shine
a big spotlight on "Marriage Vacation."
Basically, your book is getting a promotion, Peters,
published by the flagship brand.
This has zero to do with you, Zane.
Can you please clarify hierarchy around here for Zane
’cause someone’s really chiming in
- when they shouldn’t be. - We’re all one company here.
Stop. Stop.
You are equals.
Zane focuses on Empirical, and obviously, Kelsey,
you are Millennial.
Yeah...
whatever that’s supposed to mean.
Liza?
Bob? Hi.
How... what are you doing here?
Well, I have a meeting nearby.
What are you doing here?
Oh, I, uh,
just really love this chopped salad place.
Seriously?
They don’t have chopped salad places in Brooklyn?
This is the best one.
- Ah. - How’s Rose?
Caitlin said she got accepted to the honors program
- for environmental studies? - Yes.
She’s going to save the planet, evidently.
Oh, thank God.
Diana?
Diana? Diana?
Diana. That’s me.
Thank you. I never use my real name.
That’s a pro tip...
Love to Julia.
When touching a colleague
to make a point or just to say hello,
we recommend using the back of the hand,
or the safe hands technique.
- Like this? - Exactly right.
The palm is too intimate.
And what is the company’s position
on dating someone you work with?
More specifically, working with someone
you used to date.
It’s acceptable as long as the employees
are of equal rank.
Interesting.
The issue becomes more complicated
when a senior employee enters into an intimate relationship
with someone of a lower rank.
That is completely unacceptable.
And they can’t get you on a prior, can they?
Well, let’s throw that to our lawyer.
Thank you, Sheila.
Sorry I’m late, everyone.
What are you doing?
That’s Caitlin’s roommate’s father.
Sexual misconduct can come in many forms.
Go.
We all know the obvious ones...
sexting, masturbating in front of a coworker.
Everyone knows that’s just wrong.
- I’ll handle this. - But let’s talk about
some of the less obvious offenses.
They come in many forms.
Liza?
In here.
Were you... triggered?
No, I’m fine.
Go back to the meeting. Thank you.
You know, back in the day,
we didn’t call it sexual harassment.
We just called it business as usual.
The dirty innuendos,
men always bragging about the size of their penises.
I would just give it right back to them,
ask them to prove it.
Very few of them called my bluff.
Maybe six... no, seven.
My point is, when I was younger,
I was valued for my appearance,
but... over time,
my experience surpassed my looks.
Rising skills, falling breasts.
Am I right?
Okay.
Is everything okay?
You know this generation.
I guess she needed a safe space.
Liza, Charles wants to know if you’re all right.
Is the seminar over? Is the lawyer gone?
Yeah, he just left.
You all right?
I...
Just very bad diarrhea.
I was about to give up on you.
Well, now you know how I feel.
Oh, come on, if you’re gonna
have a drink with me, you gotta be nice.
No promises.
A tequila on the rocks.
Mm.
Do they give awards for the best legs in publishing?
Did you hear anything that lawyer had to say today?
We’re not at work, all right?
But we do need to figure out how we’re gonna work together.
Well, I think it’s best
if we each stick to our side of the street.
I wonder if you understand just how much
I’m bringing to Empirical.
Thanks to me,
LL Moore is writing that new trilogy
which will basically bail the company out
of the foreseeable future.
Oh, so now I should be thanking you
for returning LL Moore to the company?
After poaching him and nearly costing me my job?
"The Pam Pam Chronicles" was my idea.
Moore was blocked until I pitched it to him.
And now there’s gonna be new books,
TV series, merchandising.
Wow, you are so desperate for my approval.
Oh, give it up, Peters.
This whole thing is quite the coup for all of us.
You know, sometimes I get a little tired
hearing you talk about how great you are.
Well, I don’t have to tell you.
Let me show you something.
Come on.
- Where are we going? - You’ll see.
Now, look up.
Wow.
Okay. Now I’m impressed.
Yeah? All right.
Pretty proud moment.
It’s a three-month buy, and Charles loves it
because he can see it from his office.
How about dinner to celebrate?
Good night, Zane.
Hey.
That skirt isn’t safe for work.
And I can see the outline of your wiener
in those pants.
Liza, God, everyone’s been looking for you.
Sorry, I was in the bathroom changing.
I didn’t exactly ride the subway looking like this.
Come on...
Once all of the princesses have gathered on stage,
Charles will announce the new book,
at which time you
will be lowered dramatically from the heavens,
through a sea of smoke and fire.
Fabulous.
So Wagnerian.
The fans will go wild.
As they should.
My princess, you are divine.
I certainly look forward to working on the new series.
And I look forward to your...
wise counsel.
Liza’s had a big promotion since you last saw her.
She’s still my assistant.
Liza, please gather all the Pam Pams.
Make sure they understand they need to be in a V formation
when Edward descends.
Got it. Okay.
Zbotinik slezza booshki.
I’m so sorry, I don’t speak Kronish.
Let me tell you a secret.
When I sit down to write every morning,
I think about burying my face in your royal fur.
Hi, I’m Liza Miller from Empirical Publishing.
Thank you all so much for being here.
- How are ya? - Hi.
Before we continue here, I, um, I just have to ask.
Has Edward ever made any inappropriate remarks
or unwelcome advances
that has made any of you feel uncomfortable?
Okay.
He told me my tits were big enough
to nourish a tribe.
He said my vagina spoke to him
in his dreams at night.
Why would he say that to me?
I work at a bookstore.
We want Moore!
And he told Nadine from Tallahassee
that if she really wanted to stroke his ego,
- she should just stroke his... - Okay.
I’ve heard enough.
We want Moore!
I gotta get out there.
Good afternoon.
I’m Charles Brooks from Empirical Publishing.
Thank you all for being here today.
What?
Unfortunately, I must share some distressing news.
Due to recent disturbing allegations
against Edward LL Moore...
We’re going to postpone the publication
of "The Pam Pam Chronicles" until further notice.
What?
That’s absurd.
We have a contract.
How dare you!
Get me down!
No, down, not up!
That’s ridiculous.
Charles, bring me down!
You’ll pay for this!
Oh, God.
With multiple allegations reported,
a beloved author may be no more.
I understand.
I can’t blame them considering...
We have no comment at this time.
Netflix just cancelled the series.
Amazon just pulled his titles from their site.
So what are we gonna do? Push the publication date?
I don’t see how we can publish him at all.
Rivington must’ve known about this
when they let him come back to Empirical.
Well, let’s be honest. We all knew.
We just didn’t wanna believe
our golden goose was a horny toad.
So, what are we gonna do about that?
It’s a three-month buy.
Dear God, she’ll be coming till Christmas.
We gotta get it down.
Wait.
I have an idea.
Just give me some time.
Liza, about what you said yesterday in my office...
I’m so sorry. It was a misunderstanding.
I was ridiculously jet lagged.
I appreciated your candor.
Oh?
I just saw the news. I’m so sorry, Charles.
I keep thinking about the Christmases
he spent at our house like some perverted Santa.
There’s a lot to process right now.
Yeah.
So, what’s the big surprise?
Oh, oops.
Look up.
Oh, my God.
- Yes! - Wow.
- I’m sorry about LL Moore,
but this is amazing.
Thank you.
So, it’s a Millennial book now?
Given the circumstances, we’re gonna have to
pulp the first run and print again.
Yes.
Excuse me.
- Yes? - Charles.
This is a witch hunt.
I’m being tried in the public square!
Edward, I’m sorry.
We are all being held accountable here.
After all our years together, you at least owe me a meeting.
Of course. Happy to meet with you anytime.
Your office tonight.
I think you’ll be very surprised
by what I have to tell you.
This isn’t over, my friend,
not by a long shot.
This accuser is a woman I met at a fantasy convention
who’s been trying to shake me down for years.
This fan says I grabbed her ass during a photo,
but my arm is actually around her lower waist.
And this one has absolutely
zero credibility.
That’s Liza.
We did some investigation.
She represents herself as a young woman in her 20s.
The fact is, she’s a divorced
40-something housewife from New Jersey.
What the hell are you talking about?
Oh, you didn’t know?
Birth certificate. Marriage license.
Bankruptcy report.
The woman is a con artist.
I would never have asked her to be Pam Pam if I’d known.
So...
what do you have to say about that, Charles?
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com -