Let's say you had to leave the Stash,
and either become a Wall Street banker,
a fat cat,
or run a family farm.
What would you do?
I'm goin' fat cat, man.
Six figure paychecks,
limo rides, board meetings, Armani suits.
You think you got what it takes
to, uh, buy and sell on the stock market?
Yeah, yeah, I saw the movie Wall Street,
like, you know, "Greed is good."
Like, I-I-I could do it.
Oh, wow. Okay.
So, anybody who watches the movie Wall Street
is qualified to go onto Wall Street
and become one of those guys?
Somebody's IRA must've taken a hit recently.
I mean, Jesus.
Yeah, the farm livin' ain't for me.
Aw man, I tell ya, I would...
I would grab that farm as quick as possible, man.
I... There's no way I'd go to Wall Street.
I tell you, I'm gonna need farm hands.
I'd take you all with me.
You don't even like bein' outside.
You're gonna be outside, like, tilling dirt.
It'd be awesome, man.
You know, we put a hard day's work in,
then, at the end of the day, we go up on my porch,
and we do this, we just banter.
So we all live on the farm?
- Yeah. - What are we growin'?
Well, what's a big money crop? What's...
Okay, weed. Let's grow weed.
- Help! - Help!
Help!
Hello, and welcome to another episode
of "Comic Book Men,"
the only show that stands up straight
in the Upside Down. I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson. - Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic. - Ming Chen.
All right, boys, tell me tales
of comic book sales.
There's no bigger sales marketing gimmick
in comic books than the death of a character, right?
Absolutely. "You love this character?
Well, we're gonna kill it!"
- Hi. - Hey, Walt.
I have something cool I'm looking to sell.
"Death of Superman"
platinum poly-bagged edition,
signed by editor and writer of DC, Mike Carlin.
Platinum edition.
The most valuable "Death of Superman" comic book.
Rolls-Royce of the "Death of Superman."
_
Hold on. How rare are these? How many did they print?
They printed 10,000 of 'em,
so it's not quite as rare as you think.
Don't get too excited.
Don't get your hopes up.
I remember, we're all in Eighth Grade,
we're running to the comic shops,
we're buying these things.
Didn't everybody go out and try to, you know...
They thought they were gonna sell these,
and just like, you know, gold mine.
But then, when they brought Superman back, only after...
...little over six months later,
people kind of felt like, well...
...little bit cheated.
But, like, I knew that there was no way on Earth
that DC Comics was gonna let Superman remain dead.
Was there any part of you
that believed Superman was gonna stay dead?
Not even a little bit. Nope.
- Even-even you knew. - Even me. No.
- Even you. - But a young you.
- Even me. - As slow as you appear.
No, I didn't believe it.
I kinda remember...
...you said that he'll never come back.
I did. I did.
I was such a neophyte to it.
I was like, "Walt, you don't understand.
We have to invest big. He's never coming back."
And then, six months later, he came back to life,
at which point, Walt was like...
And I said, "You're right, Walt, he is back."
Why would they lie?!
So, why are you sellin' it now?
You have movies coming up now
with Spider-Man, Venom, Carnage...
First appearances are getting hot now.
I wanna, now, reinvest.
I can tell you this right off the bat.
20 years the Stash's been open,
we have never had a platinum edition
adorn the wall.
- It's true. - So... I'm interested.
So, what are you lookin' to get for it?
I'm asking $250.
$250.
And that's only because it's sealed, signed by Mike Carlin.
Whouf.
I could do $100.
Uh...
$225.
I can't go that high, man.
$125.
Come on, man. This is my 13-year-old hope and dream here.
$190?
It's dashed, just like mine were.
$150, but that's really as high as I can go.
$150. I'll take it.
- All right. - Thank you.
$150.
- Thank you, sir. - Thank you. Thank you guys.
- Thanks. - Have a good one, man.
- Good day. - Take care.
The Secret Stash
is in the midst of its 20th anniversary,
so I tasked the boys with finding a way...
...to take something that important...
...and manifest it in some sort of celebratory moment.
Check this out, man. This is a great idea.
We shut down Broad Street,
and we assemble the largest collection
of Jay and Silent Bob cosplayers
ever assembled on the face of the planet,
and we get the Guinness Book of World Records in
to document it all.
We set a world's record.
That-that's a great idea. I mean,
is there an existing record already?
Is there? Does it matter?
- I mean, if there is, great, we break it, - I-I guess not.
if there's not, okay, great, we set it.
This is a great idea. You're-you are a genius.
I know.
We had to celebrate in style,
and not only do we have to celebrate the store's existence,
but we have to celebrate the two guys
who, without, there would be no store.
- You know? - Me and you?
Yeah!
Yeah! Bry and Walt Day!
Finally!
Here's what I need yous two to do.
Okay.
I need you to plaster social media.
I need you to get the word out.
I need you to, uh, to get all the cosplayers on call.
Mike, I need you to contact Guinness.
Okay.
And let's get this done.
Look out that front door.
Picture a sea of Jay and Silent Bob cosplayers.
Nobody's ever done anything like this before.
- Hey, guys. - How you doin'?
I've got something you've never seen before.
Oh, my God.
I am obsessed with just the weirdest things
I can find.
Hey! Who wants some doughnuts?!
Everybody grab in!
- Hey, guys. - How you doin'?
I've got something you've never seen before.
I've seen RoboCop before.
"Robert Cop 2."
Oh, my God. It does say "Robert Cop."
Is that, like, an error?
It is a Chinese bootleg.
Kind of the black market bootleg guy.
_
I am obsessed with just the weirdest things I can find.
I got, like, new-style Ninja Tortoise,
instead of Ninja Turtles,
and instead of Superman, I've got Specialman,
and this was something I picked up
from a storage locker a couple years ago,
and apparently there's a big market now for bootlegs.
Well, there's always been a market for bootlegs, right?
As soon as you started monetizing something,
somebody would go in, inevitably,
and tries to, you know, illegally profit off of it.
I don't think there's any illegally in quotes.
You don't need the air quotes.
What's happening is they're getting a lot of attention...
...now, because they're rarer than the actual things.
- A lot of attention... - Yes.
...but maybe not the-the right kind of attention, though.
- Oh! - Yeah.
You know, at a brick and mortar store,
always gotta worry about
the perceptions of being that... that shady shop
- down the street. - That shady.
You know, that parents don't like their kids going into,
especially if they find out we have knockoffs at the Stash.
I'm not a fan of this. This is...
...everything that's wrong in the world today.
This is worse than drugs.
There's no way in heck
that I'm going to bring any kind of...
You know, I'm, like, not on parole or probation,
but I act as if I am,
so I'm not buying any illegal toys.
This store of ours has been in business 20 years,
and there's a little shadiness in its past.
First year of Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash,
we sold comics and toys,
but there was also a full rack of bootleg VHS's...
- That's true, man, yeah. - ...that Walter ran, man.
I always loved goin' to flea markets
and seein' little stands that sold... foreign movies
and things that, like, you just couldn't find
at a video store. I loved that aspect.
I wanted to bring that aspect into the store.
It brought a lot of people into the store, including the FBI...
...going, "I don't know if you've ever read those warnings
at the head of the tape, man."
Yeah, there was a guy who came in
and was like, "You must dismantle this section."
Yeah, his name was Kevin Smith,
because you were selling Clerks.
I'm like, "Stop it!"
Let me ask you this. You ever think about goin' straight?
- You know, you ever think about goin' legit? - I sell everything.
I sell everything. I'm not passing this off as RoboCop.
- Everyone knows... - Well, that'd be tough.
So, what's it go for, something like this?
Something like this, I'm looking at about $200.
Oh, my God.
$200 for something that's not real.
Tell you what, if you give us $200 and the toy,
we won't report you to Interpol.
- Yeah. - That's understandable,
- I had a feeling that would happen. - Yeah, I mean what's the...
you know, what's the jail time for something like this?
- Yeah, I mean... - I've consulted my lawyer and everything's okay.
Can you imagine, you're in the joint,
and it's like, "What are you in here for?"
You ever hear of Robert Cop?
The Stash is legit. You know, we walk that line,
and we won't ever stray from it...
- No problem. - ...so I'm afraid that we would have absolutely zero interest
- in your illegal toys. - Okay.
Yeah, we don't wanna wind up like you,
like, you know, we buy this. Like, what's next?
- Can't do it. - Can't do it.
Ming, show him the door.
Well, thanks so much for having me, guys.
- Thanks, man. - I appreciate it.
Thanks for bringing' it in.
Enjoy.
I feel sorry for that guy. He's a lifer, man.
He's never gonna break the habit.
There's no rehabilitation for a guy like that, right?
- No. - Give that guy the chair.
You're right.
You should have a chair in... in the store.
Or just summarily execute people
who bring in counterfeit toys.
Like, Bryan, flip the switch.
Oh, give me the hood.
How're we lookin' over there?
- What's the count? - I can't tell you.
You can't-you can't tell us?
I know what the number is, but that is not the final number.
Okay, guys, I have the results.
_
Wanna thank you guys for coming out!
Please bear with us.
I know there's a little bit of a wait,
but everybody needs to be counted.
The Guinness guy is here.
We need 250 Jay and Silent Bobs to break the record!
Let me hear you shout! Let me hear you shout!
Thank you so much!
So, the big day arrives.
Got the city to shut down the street,
which they don't do for anybody.
I get to the store and I see a sea
of Jay and Silent Bobs lined up down the street.
It's a magical sight.
Hey! Who wants some doughnuts?!
Everybody grab in!
Thanks for comin'.
Good morning. How are you?
Thanks for comin' out. Holy crap!
There's even more.
So, I'm goin' out there, like, "Oh, this'll be cute.
I'll give everybody doughnuts."
And this is the first time I see the line,
and I am overwhelmed.
First thing, I'm like, "I don't think we have enough doughnuts."
There were hundreds of people.
Now, all of this is happening on my birthday weekend.
I turned 47.
So, you know, I'm a...
This is a birthday gift beyond comparison.
- Thank you, sir. - Thanks for comin'.
You can have two.
There you go. It's a long wait.
- Get a dang dang. - We all love you, man.
Doughnut? Grab a doughnut!
It's not poison!
- Are you doing Jay and Bob? That is genius. - Yep!
Kids, who wants to lick the box?
Thanks for comin' out, man!
We're gonna get goin' very, very soon!
The notion of hundreds...
...of Jay and Silent Bobs would probably horrify...
...a lot of people, but the idea of that in front of the Stash
was just, like, a magnificent vision.
Once we had the idea
of flooding the streets of Red Bank
with Jay and Silent Bob cosplayers,
I said to myself, "We should call
the Guinness Book of World Records.
We should see if we can put this...
...into the greatest... book of all time...
well, the second greatest book of all time.
No, you were right the first time.
You had it!
_
You're good.
Come on in. You're good.
You're good.
Get a wristband. You are good.
Um, I will say you're good.
It's a bit of an interpretation,
- but I'll give it to you. - Yeah.
Look at the Guinness guy, man. Look at that blazer.
The blazer, the steely-eyed gaze.
Can I ask you a question, Mr. Guinness?
Absolutely.
How long you been, you know,
- what's-what's... - Adjudicator.
Adjudicator. How long you been an adjudicator?
So, I'm an official adjudicator for Guinness World Records,
based in New York City.
I've worked for Guinness World Records
- for six years. - Really?
Finally, you know, after years
of reading the Guinness Book of World Records,
you see somebody affiliated with it
who deems if you're worthy to be...
...in that book.
The way he's dressed,
instantly, you know he's better than all of us.
He's got that great jacket, and he's got that giant seal on it
that says exactly where he's from.
You know, 'cause you're scared,
'cause you're just like, you know,
he makes or breaks the entire day by his clicker.
You guys have been reading comics too much.
You're acting like it's, like, the Punisher.
It's like, it's the adjudicator.
How're we lookin' over there?
- What's-what's the count? - I can't tell you.
You can't-you can't tell us?
I know what the number is, but that is not a final number
until everyone is in place for five minutes
and all of the stewards monitor their groups to make sure...
...there's no deductions.
- Really? - Really.
I've known this guy for 40 years.
Never seen him sweat once.
- This is tension. - Now look at...
Beading up on your head there.
I can tell you the number is close.
Very close to what you need.
We should get into costume too, right?
Well, we got a whole bunch of extra costumes back there.
I mean, let's jump in.
I mean, he's gotta count us, right?
- Yeah... - It's just addin' to the number.
- Yeah, absolutely. - That's a curveball, man.
Now I gotta figure out if I'm a Jay or a Bob?
Well, which are you?
Whatever costume fits me.
This was an official attempt
for the largest gathering of people
dressed as Jay and Silent Bob.
You had...
You know how big a day this was
or how important the 20th anniversary
of Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash is?
My wife, Jennifer Schwalbach, came out for it.
Jennifer loves me, personally.
I don't know if she's a big Kevin Smith fan, per se.
I didn't know if it would be creepier
to go as Jay or Silent Bob.
- I mean, I think you made the right choice. - You think so?
You as Jay would've been weird,
but you as Silent Bob is, like, oddly fitting.
It's like looking in a thinner, feminine mirror, man, like a...
Yeah! All right. That's my cue.
- Now I gotta get my hair put on and stuff... - Right on.
...so I wanna-I wanna kiss you,
but it's weird with the beard.
- Just take-take the beard off. - Come here.
No, I'm not gonna take the beard off.
- Ugh, that felt weird, and oddly satisfying. - Come here.
- This'll be better. - There we go.
All right, I'll be back.
- Have fun! - Thank you!
Guys, you can head in. You're good.
- We're good? All right! - Good.
You know I'm not the real Silent Bob.
I am well aware. I need that hat on your head.
Thing keeps poppin' off!
Oh, my God.
All right, here we go.
- You're all good. - Ah!
What's goin' on? What's goin' on?
It was a real trip to see that many Jays and Silent Bobs,
but it was touching to see you guys
dressed up as it.
Walt, if I know anything about you,
you've got a staunch stand against the cosplay.
You know what, I've softened on that stance,
and I feel that, you know what,
live and let cosplay, because...
Life's too short.
Uh, this is profound.
Hello!
Thank you!
Everyone say "Snootches bootches!"
Snootches bootches!
All right, comin' in the stage,
bench pressing 250 pounds, with a 16-inch weiner,
Silent Kevin Smith- Smith-Smith-Smith!
Yay!
Wow.
Saying you look great would be self-serving,
uh, so I'll say thank you for being here.
This looks fantastic.
There was something really special about it.
Clerks is almost 25 years old.
The fact that people still have some sort of affection for it,
enough to make 'em come out
and dress up silly, man, for a few hours,
just to get in a book, it's pretty damn special.
All right, folks, here we go, man.
In order for this to be certified
and get into the Guinness World Records,
we have an official adjudicator from Guinness.
Give it up for Michael Empric, ladies and gentlemen!
Michael, are we counted yet,
or do we still have to go through the gate?
You have to go into the pen, then you can be counted.
I'm ready to count you guys off.
Give it up for Michael!
_
We love you!
Okay, everyone, are you ready?
Okay, guys, I have the results.
So, I can tell you,
uh, this was an official attempt
for the largest gathering of people dressed as Jay and Silent Bob.
I can tell you we did have several deductions
for costumes that did not meet our standards.
Oh, I know.
So, the mark to beat was 250 today,
in Red Bank, New Jersey, USA.
You had...
284, it's a new Guinness World Record title!
We did it! We... Ha ha!
We're on the Books!
Great job. Let me bring this down.
I'd like to welcome you to the Guinness World Records family.
Congratulations, Kevin. Great job.
Thank you so much. We did it!
So, we made the record by 34 bodies, man.
It was electric.
And now I'd love to introduce the mayor...
...of the great town of Red Bank,
give it up for Pat Menna, ladies and gentlemen!
Kevin, in your honor,
the official key to the city. Congratulations.
We have dedicated and declared today
to be Kevin Smith Day.
Thank you, Mr. Menna. Thank everybody...
...uh, for comin' out and doin' this.
I couldn't think of a better way to spend my 47th birthday
or the 20th anniversary of the Stash.
Thank you so much. We did it!
_
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
It-it was probably one of the most
moving days I've ever had in my life,
and, like, you put us in the Guinness World Record book.
How amazing is that?
A book that we grew up reading as kids,
never imagining we'd be in it,
unless, like, well, I get any fatter,
maybe I could be in it for that.
And now that we've come to the end of our long roster
of imposters and cosplay,
it's time to wrap up the show.
For "Comic Book Men," I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson. - Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic. - Ming Chen.
To the good folks of Red Bank,
to the good folks at the Guinness World Record Books,
and to the 284 intrepid souls
that cosplayed Jay and Silent Bob
on that fateful anniversary day,
I give you the highest honor we can bestow upon thee.
Snootch to the nootch.
Good night, folks.
- synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com