Corrected & Synced by Bakugan
My name is Nathan Fielder.
And I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools
with really good grades.
Now I'm using my knowledge to help struggling
small business owners make it in this competitive world.
This is "Nathan For You."
If you're handing over your computer to a stranger,
there's nothing you care more about than your privacy.
So for computer repair shops like Los Angeles based Cyberguy,
earning customers' trust is a huge struggle.
We are saying that we're not gonna look at the files
and folders or private files,
but they don't trust.
The reason is that most of us
have things on our computer that we don't want seen.
As someone with a recurring medical issue,
I keep photos on my laptop
that are meant only for my doctor's eyes.
And when my computer breaks down,
I can never be certain that a repair technician
won't be tempted to snoop.
But fortunately for Cyberguy owner Herman Akbiyik,
I had a solution.
Your biggest problem is, no matter how much
you tell your customers you're not gonna look
at their nude or sexy pics,
they'll always be skeptical.
Because you're a sexual being, right?
Okay, so whatever desire I have,
it's not gonna be affecting my business.
What do you mean?
Okay, if you don't eat food, you're hungry always, okay?
Mm-hmm.
If you eat food, you're gonna be full.
You don't feel anymore your hunger.
Right.
So if you don't pleasure yourself at home,
maybe you're gonna feel it at the office
or while walking on the street
you can feel those desires, in a way.
So you're saying you pleasure yourself so much at home
that it doesn't affect you at work.
Correct.
Despite Herman's claim that
he gets everything out of his system
before arriving at work each morning,
his customers will never completely trust him,
because he's a sexual being.
But if Herman recruited repair technicians
from the 1% of Americans who identify as asexual,
meaning they have no sexual desires whatsoever,
customers could finally feel confident
about getting their computers repaired
without the staff being tempted
to look at their private photos.
The plan: Put customers at ease
by offering the world's first asexual computer repair.
I see.
When they see any image... nude image,
so they're not gonna be desired or affecting.
In theory, yes.
In theory. I see.
Neither Herman nor I knew much about asexuality,
but he was willing to give it a shot.
So I went to the internet's most popular asexuality forum
and posted a job notification
to see if anyone would fit the criteria
that Herman would need.
And later that week, I set up interviews
with everyone who responded.
You know, just the lack of feeling a sexual attraction
and need for sex is all that asexuality truly is.
And there's a spectrum to it too.
So if you're not thinking about sex,
what are you thinking about?
It always depends.
I mean, I suppose most of the time
I'm actually thinking about superheroes.
Uh, my favorite of which being Aquaman,
hence the orange shirt.
So when most people are thinking of sex,
you're thinking of Aquaman?
Well, that's a funny way of putting it, but I suppose so.
After learning more about the asexual lifestyle,
I was feeling optimistic that this could work.
So right now, sitting across from me,
you feel no sexual attraction.
No. You're another person to me.
Whoa.
I was born an asexual,
and I assume that I shall
still be an asexual upon leaving this world.
So after a rigorous vetting process,
using a heart rate monitor to judge their physical response
to a series of stimulating images
I found in a stock photo database...
Do you find this sexually arousing or...
No.
- No. - No.
I offered the job to the two
who showed no spike in heart rate,
no matter how stimulating the image was.
So the next day, I brought the new recruits
to Cyberguy to introduce them to Herman.
So this is Nicki and Randy.
- And they're asexual. - Okay.
Which means they don't have a desire
to look at any customers' private nudes or sexy photos or,
you know, they just don't have those urges.
And also a sense of privacy.
- I mean... - Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, because...
Privacy's important to everybody.
Of asexuality.
Right, but someone like Herman might be tempted.
Yeah, possibility.
Right, yeah, but you wouldn't be tempted ever.
- No, no, no. - Right.
So that's why.
Their lack of arousal was perfect,
but they still weren't computer experts.
I've removed viruses from computers before,
but with instructions.
So knowing they would need Herman's
close guidance when doing a repair,
I installed a series of walls in the back of the store
to create a quarantined viewing booth for Herman
so the repair area would remain free of sexual contamination.
The only access point into the inner chamber
was through a military-grade key code lock
that only the asexuals would have the code to.
So after putting up a brand-new banner out front,
and giving the repair staff their code
to enter the desexualized zone...
The code is 1, 2, 3, 4.
Okay?
So don't tell Herman. Okay.
They securely sealed themselves inside the repair area,
while me and Herman waited for customers up front.
You didn't see the code, right?
No, I didn't.
Do you promise?
I promise.
Okay.
Before long, the first customer arrived.
It's, like, very slow.
And it's hard for me to get to the Internet sometimes.
So it was time to see if he'd be impressed
by the new service.
So I don't know if you saw our sign,
but only computer repair shop in town
that offers a fully asexual repair service.
Okay.
Are you familiar with asexuals?
Uh, no, I'm not.
Okay, so the entire time your computer is here,
no one with any sexual desires will be touching it.
And that is the Cyberguy guarantee, right?
Yes. For sure.
100% guarantee that.
Full disclosure, Herman is a sexual person,
but he will not be touching your computer at any point.
What does that mean, "he's a sexual person"?
Yeah, that means a sexual person is me.
So we having some desires for looking
at the picture, digging, looking inside.
So we're curious about what is inside.
What's contained inside.
It's a nude photos, videos, stuff.
So he has those desires.
But his... Other people don't.
They don't.
The people that will be repairing it.
The first customer was excited by the concept.
So now an asexual is coming up.
- Yes. - Got you.
But all our hard work would be meaningless
unless we could actually execute the repair,
so once the computer was safely in the desexualized zone,
Herman took his place in his isolation booth,
where he could hopefully guide the repair process
while the barrier prevented him
from acting out his most carnal urges.
Okay, so can you double-click on Library folder?
Okay, this is regular folders.
Okay, we don't need... Okay. So...
After 30 minutes, the repair was going well.
But then Herman said he needed to use the bathroom.
While it is scanning, so I'm doing a break.
- Okay. - To the restroom.
And that was a problem.
The only path to the bathroom
was directly through the desexualized zone.
So to prevent contamination, I created a lockdown protocol.
And it was about to get its first real-world test.
♪
Warning. Lockdown protocol activated.
Once the computer was safely caged and padlocked,
Herman was allowed to cross through the desexualized zone.
Sexual intruder alert.
Okay, thank you guys.
The lockdown protocol went off without a hitch,
and once they completed their first repair,
it was clear that Herman was sold on the new service.
Nobody touch or looking or digging inside a computer.
So they feel safe.
And that meant customers now had a place
where they could feel comfortable
handing over their computer to a stranger.
Will you be looking at any of her private photos
or personal videos or anything?
No. No, it's...
And why not?
Well, it's part of privacy,
and also just 'cause I have no interest in it.
Because?
'Cause I'm asexual.
So there you go.
And please backup my music and my photos.
I did not back them up.
Of course.
In the olden days, this woman would have been
tied to a stake and burned alive.
But today the only threat facing LA based psychic
Madam Dora is a lack of customers.
I've placed ads before, and they...
I haven't seen a lot of return from them.
It could be because her marketing
was just too generic to even be noticed.
So I paid her a visit with an idea for a brand-new campaign.
The goal of advertising should be to appeal
to as many people as possible.
Mm-hmm.
But as a psychic, you need to make people feel
that you're speaking directly to them.
Because that's the fantasy they have.
Okay.
They want to believe you know something about them.
Okay.
So rather than advertising to everyone,
I think it would be hugely beneficial
if you targeted your campaign to just one person:
Maria Garcia.
And Maria Garcia is...
According to the Whitepages, there are over 1,000 people
named Maria Garcia in Los Angeles alone.
So if Madam Dora created an ad campaign
targeting just those people,
each Maria Garcia would believe
the psychic was speaking directly to her,
practically guaranteeing that they'd
call the number to schedule a reading.
The plan: Turn every Maria Garcia in LA
into a devoted customer for life.
Never made it a habit of looking through the Whitepages.
Well, maybe that's where you screwed up.
Yeah, it does make sense.
Madam Dora was impressed with my good idea.
Now all we had to do was get the word out.
So the next day, I returned with some sound equipment
so we could record a radio ad for our new campaign.
Maria Garcia, I had a vision about you.
I need to speak to you.
We also did an extensive print campaign
and installed multiple billboards at busy intersections
throughout the city of Los Angeles.
And within days, Dora had received her first call.
Hi, my name's Maria Garcia.
So I had Madam Dora call her back
to try to schedule a reading.
- Hello? - Hello.
- Is this Maria Garcia? - Yes.
My name is Dora, I'm a psychic.
- Hi. - Hi.
Say you had a vision about her.
- Okay. - I had a vision about you.
- And it was a strong vision. - Oh.
And it was a really strong vision.
It came to me in a dream.
And it came to me in a dream.
The ad campaign worked,
and Maria booked an appointment for later that week.
My hope was that she'd be impressed enough
to become a devoted customer.
So when she arrived for her appointment,
I told her we were filming a documentary
about the best psychics in the world,
and she agreed to give me an interview after her reading.
But when she emerged 30 minutes later,
I was shocked to discover
that she was completely underwhelmed.
She just said that she saw something
about the law around me.
Was that relevant or...
I don't think it was, honestly.
- Okay. - Yeah, I was confused by that.
This was bad.
If Maria didn't believe in Dora's psychic powers,
we'd lose her as a customer
and my whole plan would be a waste.
But that's when I realized
there might still be a way to win her back.
Maria said that Dora had predicted a mystery man
would soon sweep her off her feet.
But I guess I'm gonna find a guy who
I'm kind of turned away from at first,
and I guess I'll see what happens.
So if I could secretly engineer
a way for this to happen,
Maria would have no choice but to believe
that Dora's mystical powers were for real.
I thought I knew a mystery man who just might fit the bill.
One of the production assistants on my show
named Salomon regularly updates his Facebook page
with posts about his longing for a romantic connection.
It was clear he was still searching
for that special someone.
So I invited him into my office to see if he wanted to help me
bring a psychic's prediction to life.
I told Salomon that I wanted to introduce him
to a young woman I knew.
Her name's Maria Garcia.
Yeah, she seems cute.
And that a psychic had predicted
she would soon fall in love.
The man she described sounded pretty similar to you.
Similar?
Yeah.
Like she described a man with brown hair, brown eyes.
Wow. That's...
That's pretty crazy.
Those psychics.
Salomon seemed interested, but before setting them up,
I wanted to be sure they had the ingredients
for a true romantic connection.
Do you have any deal-breakers I should know about?
Deal-breakers?
Like turnoffs or something.
Uh, if they're not nice.
If they're, like, mean.
Okay.
Yeah.
'Cause some people like bad girls.
Oh, no. Not me.
- Right. - No.
I like them, uh... nice.
Okay.
Any other deal-breakers?
Well, maybe a smoker.
- Smoker? - Yeah.
So if she smokes, that's a turnoff?
- Yes. - Okay.
Anything else?
No smoker, and no handicapped.
Handicapped?
Well, since I never dated a handicapped person.
Like, I don't know. That would be...
Well, what do you think would be the problem about that?
Uh, I guess if there's, like, a set of stairs.
You probably have to lift the person or something.
Like, I don't know. You might, like, drop her.
You know?
She might sue you.
- Right. - Yeah, so...
I don't want no... Nothing like that.
So you don't want to date a handicapped person
because you're worried you'd have to carry them up the stairs
and then you'd fall and then that person would sue you?
Yeah, something like that.
Yeah.
I don't think she's handicapped,
but I can check on the smoking thing.
That would be good.
Salomon was on board.
But for this to work, Maria would need to feel like
it was a chance encounter.
So I called her up and said that
the documentary crew wanted to do a follow-up interview
about her experience with the psychic.
Yeah, I can do that.
Great.
But what she didn't know
was that the real purpose of the shoot
was to give her and Salomon a chance to connect.
And I had the perfect way
to give them some time alone together.
Doing her makeup?
Yeah.
I don't even know how to put makeup.
You've never done makeup before?
No.
Well, it's just like you look at the color of her skin,
and you try to match it and you just put it on.
It's easy.
So many colors.
Salomon agreed that posing as the on-set makeup artist
would give them the best chance to get to know each other.
But there was one big concern.
Do you know how to flirt?
I don't know.
- You don't know? - I don't.
Okay, okay, so pretend you're the girl.
- Okay? - Okay.
- And I'll be the guy... - Okay.
And I'll show you a little role-play.
- Okay? - Okay.
So hey, how's it going?
It's good.
How's your day today?
It's good.
Why is it good?
Oh, it's just the day is good.
Nice day to go out.
You're so dumb.
That's funny.
- So you see? - Yeah.
It's like you're insulting,
but at the same time, you don't mean it.
Yeah, so that's a good example of flirting.
Salomon was a quick study.
But for my plan to work, he would need to seal the deal.
Most importantly, though, if you like her,
don't be shy to ask her out.
Think you can do that?
I think I can do that.
Before Maria arrived, I set Salomon up
with a YouTube makeup tutorial
so he could learn the basics.
And then I just kind of buff it all over the skin,
really working it in there.
And this stuff...
And when she finally showed up,
I greeted her at the door.
So we're just gonna get you into makeup quickly for,
like, a touchup, and then we'll do the interview.
- Awesome. - Okay, cool.
Where do you want me for now?
Oh, do you want a smoke? Do you want a cigarette at all?
Oh, no, I don't smoke. Thank you, though.
- You don't? - No.
Okay. That's cool.
Okay.
And with that, it was time for Salomon and Maria to meet.
So this is our makeup artist, Salomon.
- Hi. - Hello.
- He'll be... - I'm Maria; nice to meet you.
- My name is Salomon. - Uh-huh.
All right, he'll be touching you up before we begin.
All right. I'll leave you two to it.
So I'm just gonna remove the shine.
- Just put a little bit... - Mmhmm.
Do you want me to move my hair back?
Uh, yes.
Sorry about that.
So, um, so how is your day?
It's good. It's good.
It was really... It's relaxing so far.
Oh, yeah. That's funny.
You're so dumb.
Okay.
Yeah.
Thank... So I'm...
Done?
So, um, let me see.
Just gonna...
Just gonna keep doing more shine.
It was a rough start.
And I was getting nervous that Salomon wouldn't be able
to make Dora's prediction come true.
But then, things started to turn around.
What's your favorite movie?
I don't know. That's a good question.
I love horror movies, though.
Oh, yeah, those are scary.
That's what I love about it.
I like the adrenaline rush you get, like, during the film.
And I like seeing, like, why,
if it's, like, a killer, like, what their motive is.
- Oh, yeah. - And, like, how they do it.
It would be to have... It would be good,
I think, to have the remote control.
It's like, you can escape the killer.
- You just fast-forward. - Yeah.
Or just fast-forward the movie.
To see the ending.
Salomon was actually making her laugh.
And they were able to bond over a common interest: Movies.
What other movies you like?
Um...
I want to watch all the "Harry Potter" movies again,
'cause I just started reading the books.
Oh, yeah, those are good. I like them.
- Did you read the books? - I haven't read the books.
But I went to see the movies.
Mm-hmm.
That's easier.
The books are really good, though.
Yeah, so there you go. That's good lipstick.
Okay. Thank you so much.
Oh, I want to know if you want to go out with me.
Huh?
Out on a date?
- On a date? - Yes.
- Okay. - Yeah, so if...
Um, I don't... I mean, I'll hang out with you,
but I don't know if it'd be, like, a date,
'cause I don't know you at all.
Well, yeah, that would be good.
I mean, that's how everything starts,
- with friendship. - Yeah.
Yeah, so that's good.
Yeah.
So we get to know each other.
Cool. Cool.
Salomon had done it.
And now that Madam Dora's vision of a romantic encounter
with a mystery man had come true,
Maria seemed to have a newfound faith in the psychic's powers.
Do you think you might go back to her for another appointment?
Yeah, if I were ever to see a psychic,
I feel, why not it be her?
I know it may seem a bit like cheating,
putting in all this work
to make a psychic's prediction come to life,
but who's to say my intervention wasn't exactly
what Madam Dora had foreseen all along?
I guess I'll never really know the truth,
but with a flood of new Marias calling every single day,
the one thing I did know was that Dora would be just fine.
Corrected & Synced by Bakugan
- What is that warning? - So...
For Time Machine. For Time Machine.
Says "Do you want to use Cyberguy
to back up with Time Machine?"
No.
- Don't use? - Don't use.