_
Previously on "I Am Jazz"...
Where'd she go?
I hate myself.
Why?
Every time I'm in social settings, like,
I don't know. I just feel bad about myself.
This is life.
Like, you're going to be in social situations.
It's something we need to work on
and help her get past that.
You may consider a colonic vaginoplasty.
I've had two consultations with two different doctors
who offered contrasting opinions about bottom surgery.
I would do the surgery in two parts.
I'm more confused than ever.
16 years ago, I was assigned male at birth,
but inside, I always knew I was a girl.
I have a girl brain and a boy body.
Being transgender hasn't been easy.
This is definitely not, like, a straightforward case.
I don't think you have many options for a vaginoplasty.
- I had a great time. - I had a lot of fun.
Have a great night.
- Now, it sounds like a date. - It's not a date!
But it's made me who I am.
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa www.addic7ed.com
I'm gonna get the waffles.
Should I spell out "happy birthday" or "16"?
Do both.
It's Jazz's birthday,
and one thing we really want to do
is just have her put all of the complicated stuff aside
and really enjoy turning 16,
'cause you only turn 16 once.
Turning 16 is a huge milestone for anybody,
but for Jazz, it's extra special.
She's got this surgery up ahead
and she's just one step closer
to becoming the woman that she wants to be.
How did we end up with, like, three kids in college
and then our youngest being 16?
- Like, how did that happen? - I don't know.
It's like a blink of an eye, though.
Today, we're going to have a big, awesome brunch
with all of Jazz's favorite food.
- Hello. - Hi!
- Ooh, more food!
Pizza, pizza.
- Yay! Thank you. - Food!
You get everything that I asked?
Jeanette, I never picked up so much food in my whole life.
Her favorite food in the whole wide world is this.
Oh, is that what we're doing for her?
This macaroni and cheese from this store.
She is the eating machine these days.
Oh, my god.
Jazz loves macaroni and cheese,
wings, and pizza.
So, even though Jazz is trying to eat healthy,
there's no reason for her not to enjoy every type of food
that she wants.
We're terrible parents.
Jeanette, Greg, you just got back from Philadelphia
on a consult?
- Yeah. - How did that go?
That was with Dr. McGinn?
It was pretty intense.
She has to do a two-step procedure now.
Because of Jazz being suppressed so young.
As grandparents, we're concerned as we see the opinions
that evolve from the various medical consultations.
There isn't going to be a lot of literature
amongst these surgeons of kids who blocked puberty,
came up on the short side of material.
As a physician,
I would be headed in the direction
of that surgeon who has the greatest number of cases
and the smallest number of complications.
Very simple.
We're also gonna have another consultation
with a local doctor who's got a really good reputation.
His name is Dr. Selgado.
After having met with Dr. Reed and Dr. McGinn,
I think I'm a little bit more confused that ever,
because I've got one doctor saying,
"I'm doing it this way", another doctor saying,
"I wouldn't do it that way. I'd do it this way."
You know, let's table it, though.
Let's celebrate Jazz's birthday.
Let's get her down here.
Where's the birthday girl?
- Here! - There she is!
What is going on?
Your favorite, take a look, sweetheart.
The past several weeks of my life
have been focused on this procedure,
my new vagina, all these different things.
And it's great to just have this day
to just dive into this food
that is fabulously crappy.
Don't finish it before we sit down, my dear.
Oh, I will.
I hate when Jazz eats with her mouth open.
I like seafood, but I don't need to see food that Jazz is eating.
It's not like I didn't show them at least once
How to chew with their mouth closed.
She's got so many other issues.
Food just seems to soothe some of her woes.
She's feeding her inner self.
Yeah.
I would bore her if I told her
that coronary artery disease starts at her age.
Thank you guys for being here.
Everything was so delicious.
And this is just the beginning.
There are more surprises.
There's more?
The birthday lunch is just the beginning.
Later this week, we have Ari, Sander,
and Griffen coming home from college.
And we're gonna have another awesome event for her birthday.
Aw, come on, Jazz.
- Oh, no. - Oh, god.
I'm gonna throw up.
I give up.
You're turning sweet 16?
You remembered!
Is there anything you'd want to do, anything
you're looking forward to?
Just, like, food.
Jazz doesn't know it yet, but in a couple of days me
and Jay will be having a surprise for her
and giving her a couple presents to celebrate the special event.
After you.
Thank you.
_
Ooh, this seat is comfy.
How you feeling?
I'm looking forward to the hair falling off,
I'm not actually looking forward to see the lasers like...
Krrrk.
Yeah.
No, I don't think anyone looks forward to that.
Today, I am joining Noelle at her
laser hair removal appointment.
This is something painful,
and just being by her side may provide her comfort.
Noelle? Hi. I'm ready for you.
Being suppressed at a young age,
I don't really have too many body hair issues.
Honestly, sometimes I feel guilty because I know
a lot of transgender people out there, like
Noelle, have to get electrolysis and laser hair removal.
I'm lucky, for sure.
- How's that? - It's a little uncomfortable.
For any trans girl that's gone through puberty,
it'll take about 7 treatments of laser
before all the hair completely disappears.
And even after that, I'm gonna have to come in every now
and then just to make sure that nothing grows back.
It's the lip that I don't like.
- All right. - Mm, there we go.
One more.
All done.
That was not the most pleasant experience.
It feels like someone's throwing thumbtacks at me,
but that's a fair trade off for getting hair removed
for only a little bit of pain.
Am I red?
No, not too red.
Just a little bit of red on his...
on her neck right here.
I can't believe the laser technician
just misgendered Noelle.
So, we need to talk about what just happened.
That was insane.
What happened?
Did you not notice that she misgendered you?
I was, like, so ready to speak up.
You have to understand that this happens to me on,
like, a daily basis.
I'm not sure how much it happens to you,
but this is just part of my life at this point.
But do you correct people, at least?
Like, that's so sad for me to hear.
I do correct people, but I don't think
- it was malicious or anything. - It wasn't.
Of course it wasn't.
But I don't think it's something that any transgender individual
should have to accept and say,
"oh, I'm used to it."
Obviously, I think it'd be nice
to go through my daily life
without anybody questioning who I am,
but, sadly, I don't think that's a privilege
that all trans people are afforded
and that I'm certainly not afforded.
If you transitioned at a later age like me...
Mm-hmm.
...and you didn't have the ability
to look as feminine as you do now,
you'd understand that there are some masculine features
that you can't let go of.
Like, if I cared about what people think,
I don't think I'd ever go outside.
I definitely feel like I take passing for granted.
I almost don't feel like I'm not a "real" transgender person,
but, you know, I have other problems in my life.
Being suppressed may have allowed me to be more feminine,
but it's also prevented me
from having enough material to work with
when it comes to getting this bottom surgery.
So everyone has a different journey.
Even though I do wish I had transitioned earlier,
all my struggling has made me who I am today,
and I don't think that's anything
I would trade for the world.
Anyway, how does your face feel?
If I had some caffeine, I'd go for round two.
Okay.
_
- You ready? - Uh-huh.
Do I have my hand on the right place?
Not exactly.
Come on, we can go play doubles together in a tournament.
There's nobody that sucks as bad as me.
Greg plays tennis once or sometimes twice a week,
and he is an amazing tennis player.
Seriously? Why are you hitting it so hard?
If this man were to serve, like his real serve,
at me, I'd be like, "ahhh!"
Ohh!
Playing tennis with Jeanette
is all about just being together.
It's something that I love doing.
It's not necessarily something Jeanette loves doing,
but we need more things to do while the kids are away.
Terrible. That was awful.
You got a couple good serves in.
Anyways, I wanted to talk to you
because I made an appointment for Jazz with Cousin Debbie.
Debbie is my cousin, and she has a PhD in counseling
and she specializes in treating the LGBT community
and has a lot of trans patients.
So the whole idea is, I mean, to get her to open up.
It's two-fold.
We need to figure out why Jazz doesn't like to go to therapy.
'Cause you need to have some therapy in order
to have the surgery.
Jazz hates therapy.
She thinks it's a waste of time.
So I'm secretly grateful that she has to have
two therapist letters to have the surgery.
You will need two letters from a therapist
who specializes in transgender matters.
In my opinion, therapy is
the most important part of all of this.
And then also talk to her about what's going on in her life,
how she feels about things, you know,
some of her social anxiety,
which Jazz doesn't like to talk about either, so.
Socially, I have a lot of worries about Jazz.
She has no interest in dating
and she really doesn't have a lot of friends.
It seems to be getting progressively worse.
I've always thought that having Jazz dictate
when she goes to therapy wasn't necessarily the greatest idea.
Yeah.
It can't be just Jazz making the decision,
we need to be more regimented,
particularly at this point in Jazz's life
because she's getting closer to an irreversible procedure.
Jazz is not gonna be happy when I tell her
that I set something up for her to speak to Cousin Debbie.
But she's gonna have to do it.
No choice. That's it.
This is definitely not, like, a straightforward case.
Your penile skin is only 2 inches.
Your moodiness is a little bit out of control.
Oh, my god. Whatever.
Stop.
And you have to go for therapy.
Happy birthday to me.
She can throw a temper tantrum, but she's going to therapy.
_
I'm curious to see what Dr. Selgado has to say
since we're so confused right now.
Today, I am visiting Dr. Selgado
for a consultation on bottom surgery.
I've had two consultations already, and they completely
contradicted each other.
In my dream scenario, though, like,
Dr. Selgado will say, "yeah, of course
we can do the penile skin inversion."
It sounds safer, you know.
Mm-hmm.
And if he does mention the colon vaginoplasty,
what would we do then?
Well, we're gonna ask a lot of questions.
_
- Come in! - Hey.
- Hello. - Hello.
- How are you? - Good. How are you?
Good. I'm Chris Selgado, plastic surgeon.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Dr. Chris Selgado. I'm a plastic
and reconstructive surgeon and gender surgeon.
I've been practicing 16 years and recently published a book
on gender affirmation surgery.
So first consultation with a plastic surgeon?
Second, third, fourth, fifth... third.
Third, okay. Great.
So do we want to take a look at it and I can tell you
what options we would have for you for that?
Okay.
Okay, I'm gonna do a quick measurement.
Not much to measure.
Yeah.
It's actually quite interesting
because there's really hardly any growth.
Yeah.
Jazz's genitalia is very interesting.
You know, I've done a number of these operations,
but this is one of the first cases I've seen
with this underdevelopment,
so that does bring up different challenges for the surgeon.
This is definitely not, like, a straightforward case.
Typically, we use the penile skin inversion technique,
but I think it's gonna be quite challenging for anybody
that does your surgery
to try to create a vaginal canal
with what you have, using your penile skin.
Mm-hmm.
Your penile skin is only 2 inches.
A normal vaginal canal length is about 4, 5 inches.
I would recommend, in your situation,
a colon vaginoplasty.
Which uses your intestine for the vaginal conduit.
All right.
The fact that the only option for me
is to get the colon vaginoplasty is really upsetting.
I don't really want that.
So we just came from a doctor who was very confident that,
you know, she could do the penile
skin inversion technique.
Does that make sense to you?
'Cause she seemed very optimistic.
Well, she may... right.
Did she talk about taking a skin graft from somewhere, also?
Just from...
Just from the scrotal skin really.
I think if you're going to surgeons
that only do penile skin inversion,
I think they're gonna have a significant challenge
with creating your vaginal canal.
Mm-hmm.
You know, it's really small.
You've definitely had underdevelopment.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I was somewhat surprised to hear that someone
would offer her penile skin inversion technique
because Jazz doesn't have that much tissue
to create the vaginal canal.
Show me a patient whose had a 2-inch phallus
with about a 1-1/2 inch circumference
and show me the vagina that that patient has.
I don't think she has so many options for this operation.
With the colon vaginoplasty, your vaginal depth
will not be an issue.
Is the width still... like, the colon's stretchy right?
Right. Exactly.
Stretchier, so it allows for more width.
Exactly.
And then you certainly don't have to dilate as much,
you certainly don't need lubrication for intercourse.
I mean, those are significant advantages.
Are there, I don't know, appearance differences
to this colon procedure? Aesthetically?
Not externally, no.
There is some mucus discharge, okay.
Typically that... that smells, right?
It does for about 8 months,
but usually after a year that's not an issue.
As far from an external genitalia prospective,
- it looks the same. - Really?
Do you have any... are there any photos in here, or no?
I can go get that.
Thank you.
Dr. Selgado has definitely made
the colon vaginoplasty seem more attractive.
But I also want it to look pretty
because it's a part of my body
and I feel like if my vagina is lopsided
or if it looks a little weird
and not really like a vagina that
I'll kind of be disgusted by it.
I just want a very pretty vagina.
The inside you don't see.
I don't know what the inside of mine looks like.
Okay, I don't want to... no one wants to know.
It's so gross. Colon... my colon.
What does the colon do again?
It's where poopy goes through.
Exactly.
No guy wants to put his face near that.
Why are you...
She says funny things.
I'm not laughing at you.
I'm laughing at something she just said.
Oh, okay.
Here's a patient with this colon procedure I was talking about.
Externally it looks the same.
Yeah. It's very cute.
I honestly thought that the colon vaginoplasty
would produce a very ugly vagina,
but after seeing the pictures, now I know
that it's really not that bad.
Of your patients, how many have you done?
There are like 31, 32 cases of colon vaginoplasty.
- Really? - Okay.
Now that I've had three consultations,
I feel like I'm more confused than ever,
because Dr. McGinn seemed really confident
in her 2-part procedure.
But Dr. Reed and Dr. Selgado say, "no,
you have to get a colon vaginoplasty."
So all of these options are circling in my mind,
and I don't know what I'm gonna do at all.
You don't have any other questions?
Will I end up losing weight?
Not necessarily. No.
No. No.
Okay. Darn!
This is, like, legit my favorite place,
you guys don't even understand.
Today, Jay and I decided that it would be the perfect idea
to bring Jazz to Mojo Donuts for her sweet 16.
Anything to do with doughnuts is good enough for me.
Stay right there. No peeking.
Close your eyes.
- I'm peeking. - Close your eyes.
- No. - Oh, my god. Okay.
My goodness.
Wait, I can open my eyes?
- Ahh! - Happy birthday.
It's a doughnut cake and a doughnut tower.
- Happy birthday. - Oh, my god.
Where do you want me to put this?
It's okay, it's gonna taste good.
Oh, my god!
The tower fell!
You know, I'm really not big on birthdays,
but it's really awesome that Jay and Noelle did this for me
because I've had struggles
with having friends in the past.
And knowing that they're by my side,
it's really awesome.
What?!
A scrapbook?
Oh, my god.
Look how cute this photo is.
Wait, I was so skinny back then.
We need to fill it out more.
I thought the scrapbook would be a good gift for Jazz,
because I know she's struggling with friendships
right now and the ones in the pictures
are her really close friends,
so I know it's reassuring for her to know
that we're there for her.
There was blank pages, so we have more to fill.
Thank you. It's very nice.
You're welcome.
I am not as exciting,
but I did find something that I do think you'll like.
Have you ever heard of "dating in the dark"?
Like, legit where people date in the dark?
It's in a restaurant.
For every course of the meal you will switch a person,
and then at the end of the entire meal,
they turn on the lights
and you get to meet the person if you want.
I honestly don't know if I'm interested.
I've only been on a couple of dates in my life,
but I already know that I don't like it that much.
I just don't know how I feel about dating in general
because of, like, the social pressures and expectations.
I mean, that's why I chose this thing,
'cause there aren't all those pressures.
You're not forced to do anything with anyone.
They won't even really know
who you are apart from a name and a voice.
So there's nothing to lose.
I think Jazz needs to open up her social circle
so that she can get over the fears
she has about interacting with people.
I think "dating in the dark" is a unique opportunity
for trans people, 'cause it allows them
to focus more on their personality
rather than any insecurities
they have about their transitioning body.
Like, overall, I just think it'll be a fun experience.
Okay, this is like the only time you'll hear Jazz saying
that she's willing to go on a frickin' date.
But I'm willing to do it.
Even though I kind of have a difficult dating past,
it's something new, it could be fun,
I'll give it a whirl, and if something goes wrong,
I can just make a poo-poo face and he won't see.
Rr-rrr.
I think this will be good for you guys.
I'm happy.
What if the lights come on and everyone's ugly?
- The one time... - Oh, no!
What if one of them's like as old as our grandparents?
No!
Hello, Nemo!
You want to come drive with me?
Oh, crap!
I was gonna go to the passenger.
Ahh. Uh-oh.
Jazz got her permit last spring,
but she had no desire to drive,
'cause I can do it for her and she's lazy.
Every morning I have to wake up at 7:00 A.M.
To drive Jazz to school.
I'm like, "damn, this kid should have her license by now.
She's 16! And I should be sleeping."
Do you remember how to turn it on?
This button.
Yeah, but what do you have to do with your feet?
The brake. Now press the button.
There you go. No!
What did you just do?
I... oh, my god. Jazz!
That's the gas. The brake doesn't do that.
Which one's the brake, the one on the left
or the one on the right?
I can't even move.
I got my driver's permit when I was 15,
and, honestly, I have not driven at all.
I like being chauffeured around.
And I don't really care
that my mom doesn't like driving me around
because that's just her job,
it's like in her description.
I'm supposed to be on the right side...
don't hit the garbage pail.
- I'm not even near the garbage. - Yes, you are.
Oh, my god!
Jazz!
I really hate driving.
You're not good at it, either.
I've taught four kids how to drive,
and I'm more afraid of her than all of them put together.
You didn't stop at the stop sign, just saying.
First time over a speed bump.
No! Too fast.
No! What are you doing?!
That's how fast you always go.
No. This makes me so nervous.
What are you doing?
I need to think for a second.
You can't just stop in the middle of the street and think.
That's not what driving is.
My mom is totally overreacting.
You know, she's not the best driver, either.
Every time I throw up in the car,
it's in her car, so, mm-hmm.
What are you doing? You're going into...
Stop!
Oh, my god. What were you doing?
Did you forget to brake?
- No. - What was that?
A perfect park, in my opinion.
You don't park over here in the bush.
Oh.
I don't even feel comfortable when driving.
Maybe I shouldn't do it at all for the rest of my life.
No. You need to be independent
and drive yourself places and be able to do things
and not have to count on me for everything.
I want you to act more like an adult now
that you're getting closer to being an adult.
Less baby-ish.
You're mature in many ways, and in other ways,
you're not very mature at all.
Whatever.
I don't even care what I am or what I do.
I'm gonna be whoever I am and if that's immature, then fine,
then I'm immature.
Jazz's mood swings are pretty bad.
She also has social anxiety,
and if she is feeling overwhelmed
about something or upset about something,
she doesn't know how to rein it in.
Control your moods a little bit, maybe.
Oh, my god. Whatever. Stop!
You know, this is what I'm talking about.
Your moodiness is a little bit out of control.
You're moody, too, all the time.
- So you can't complain. - No.
- Not like you are. - Yes, like me.
And you know what, you have to go for therapy.
Because part of the requirement for having surgery...
I'll go to thera... yeah, I'll go to therapy
for the surgery requirement, but...
Yeah, but you need to go also to control
this moodiness and I think...
it's not something that therapy helps with.
You're wrong.
And I think you should talk to Cousin Debbie about it.
I think that she can talk you through some of this.
I really don't like the idea of therapy.
That just doesn't work for me.
But sometimes talking about your issues
can make you feel better.
Mom, I really don't want to talk about this.
I'm done.
Happy birthday to me.
She forgets she is still the kid and I am the parent,
and she can throw a temper tantrum,
but she's going to therapy.
What do you think your mom is concerned about?
My mom, she thinks I have social anxiety,
but that's not the truth.
I think she needs to go to therapy.
You're frustrating me.
You think some random individual who doesn't even know
who I am internally
will have the answers to my questions?
No!
The things you're saying are really just triggering me.
We're on our way to therapy,
and Jazz is not happy.
But Jazz doesn't have a choice.
So you promise you're not gonna be rude at counseling today
with Cousin Debbie?
I'm not gonna be rude.
I'm really worried about Jazz's behavior
because she could be zip-a-dee-doo-dah
happy one minute and the next minute
like Linda Blair, pea-soup,
head-spinning, like, seriously.
And lately it's gotten worse.
What issues can you discuss with Debbie today?
I really don't think there's any problems with my life
that I'm not aware of.
I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
I have a lot of problems.
So I understand why my mom keeps pushing therapy,
but I think she needs to understand
that it's just not for me.
If I didn't need these psychological examinations prior
to getting the procedure done,
then I wouldn't ever go to therapy again.
You need some coping mechanisms.
Definitely.
What coping... they're not gonna give me
any coping mechanisms
that I don't already know.
"I think you should punch a pillow when you feel angry."
It makes me feel worse after, like I cry.
Well, some people do cry after therapy,
'cause it brings up emotions.
I honestly do not know
how Jazz is gonna be with Debbie.
So it's very difficult to get somebody to work on her,
improve certain things that they need to
unless they perceive it as a problem and she doesn't.
Maybe you'll really be like,
"wow, that was very enlightening."
Please.
You know when you start and you can't stop?
Come on. Cousin Debbie's waiting.
I love biting into these.
Jazz's behavior is not acceptable.
She's fired up to prove why she doesn't need therapy,
so I don't think
that she's gonna be too kind to Cousin Debbie.
Hey, you guys!
Look at you!
Hi!
My name is Dr. Deborah Grayson.
I am a licensed mental health counselor
and a clinical sexologist.
Ooh, what are these?
They're Tibetan tingshas.
They signal the beginning or the end of a certain session.
- Like that? - Yes.
Whoa.
Right?
So, is it weird to be here?
Yeah.
So tell me... what's going on with you?
What's happening?
Why are you chewing the heck out of that straw?
It's like how you squeeze a stress ball.
Do you want a stress ball?
No, I like the straw.
Jazz is chewing on the straw.
Maybe she was a little uncomfortable,
maybe she was annoyed.
Mom spoke to me about some things that were bothering you.
And I know you're not a big fan of therapy.
Yeah.
Can you tell me why?
I just don't like talking about things
and no matter how much you talk about it
and who you're talking to, you can't fix the situation
unless if you help yourself, you know.
Yeah, I know. At least for me.
But, I mean, you can get as much advice as possible,
but at the end of the day,
you know what you have to do and how you're gonna do it.
For the most part, I know how to solve situations.
That's why I don't feel like I need therapy.
Jazz has some walls when it comes to therapy,
and I see that a lot.
You know, people saying, "I'm the expert on me,
and I'm just not gonna give you anything."
There's a lot of people that come here
who never wanted to be here for therapy,
that's for sure.
They were very resistant.
They didn't see what therapy would do, but sometimes
just having a non-judgmental ear helps a lot, too.
A lot of people going through what you are need
a lot more guidance.
Talking to Debbie's kind of annoying
because it's this therapy format,
and therefore, we're not really having a genuine conversation.
It's more like, "so how can I fix you?"
And, ugh.
You seem to be very strong, very confident.
Nothing worries you?
Nothing concerns you about anything right now?
No.
Dating?
I don't want to talk about that.
Mm.
Nobody wants to talk about their social life.
But you're not lonely?
I never have felt lonely before.
What do you think your mom is concerned about?
She's always worried about me socializing.
It's really annoying, 'cause my mom,
she thinks I have social anxiety,
she thinks I'm socially awkward,
she thinks all these things due to the fact
that I don't really have many friends.
But that's not the truth.
I'm very outgoing, it's just that I prefer
not doing those things,
because I prefer to be by myself.
Honestly, I think she needs to go to therapy.
'Cause I think she's having problems
accepting the way her child is.
My mom, I think she needs to go to therapy.
'Cause I think she's having problems
accepting the way her child is.
She can't admit to herself, you know,
that I'm different from the way she was.
'Cause she was a very social butterfly.
That's true, she was.
And I think she expects me to be like that, as well,
in order to be happy because
that's how she found her happiness.
But really, every individual's different.
They are.
Mom just wants to make sure that, you know,
you're on a good path.
I know. Mothers.
Infuriating.
They care so much.
I mean, I'm in high school.
You can't feel amazing while you're in high school.
No matter what you do.
Toward the end of the session, Jazz started opening up more,
which is very common.
We call it "doorknob therapy".
That, by the time it's time to say goodbye,
it's like, "oh, wait.
I wanted to tell you about this, that, and the other."
But she was still uncomfortable and it might be an ongoing issue
because she does feel very strongly
that she does not need help.
But, you know, it takes a very strong person to admit
when they do.
Therapy is tiring.
Did you see any significance of what you were doing with her?
Hmm? Did you learn anything?
I don't think I learned that much.
The fact that she wasn't opening up to Debbie was
probably intentional and thought out ahead of time,
and that really pisses me off.
How can I get you to go to therapy more often?
I don't think you can.
So, basically, I am wasting my time trying to get you to go.
Yes, mom!
How many times do I have to tell you?
Aghh.
So annoying.
My mom is trying to force me into more therapy,
and it's really annoying.
I already did it.
I don't know why she wants me to do more.
When you're at a loss and you're freaking out
and you're at your lowest of the lows,
I don't have the answers to what it
is that you need to make you feel better,
to pull you out of that dark spot.
She keeps pushing it and pushing it and pushing it,
and it's really just messing with my mind.
It's making me super upset and super negative.
'Cause I'm too attached to you...
Mom, you know what...
...and I'm so overwhelmed when you're upset,
it sucks me into your black hole.
But you know I'm able to do it myself, like, I'm...
No! You can't always do it yourself.
Mom, stop it!
You're frustrating me.
This is so freaking annoying!
I'm getting so pissed, actually.
You think some random individual who doesn't even know
who I am internally and doesn't know my thought processes
will have the answers to my questions?
No!
I feel the way I do because it's just the way my mind works.
All right. Chill out. Shh.
And the only way I have to compromise those issues
is by fixing myself.
No, for some reason, the things you're saying
are really just triggering me.
Okay. And you know what, watch.
This is how you control it.
So I'm making you worse right now?
- Look. - That's what you're saying.
- I have calmed myself. - Okay.
Is everybody happy? I'm not happy.
Do I need freaking therapy? Nope.
I'm not happy.
I'm just worried about you when I see you have
some of your episodes.
It's a little scary, to be honest with you.
But we all have episodes.
Well, I have four kids and a husband and myself
and you take it to a new level.
Jazz is very, very strong-willed.
When it comes to therapy, we're at a stalemate.
And I honestly don't know what to do next.
What good am I doing for her if she's like,
"that was awful, that was terrible,
I don't want to go again," and she's crying?
But she's gonna have to go to two therapists
to have the surgeries,
so gonna have to figure out a way to solve this.
You need help?
I really have left Jazz's therapy to Jeanette
because I'm off at work most of the time,
but I know that Jazz is going through a difficult time.
And her mental well-being is the most important thing.
So how did it go with Dr. Selgado?
Well, okay, so he actually mentioned
the colon vaginoplasty, which is what Dr. Reed mentioned.
And he said that the colon vaginoplasty
would be the best option for someone like me.
Has he done a lot of them?
Yeah, he's like one of the doctors
who does it more frequently than other doctors.
So, in terms of recovery and discussions about that stuff,
was there any new information about that?
Yeah, no. The colon vaginoplasty,
the recovery would be easier and also less dilation.
There is mucus, but, I mean, doesn't
every vagina produce fluid?
You're getting a little too graphic for me, sorry.
Okay, sorry! I'm just... little TMI.
This is a pretty graphic in-depth procedure.
I understand.
So you sound like you're comfortable with Selgado.
Maybe. I don't know, Dad.
I still want to get a fourth opinion, though.
If I had to pick my doctor and procedure right now,
I don't know what I would choose, honestly.
The doctors offered contrasting opinions
and I don't know which one I prefer
because I feel like I still need to do more research.
When you met with Debbie, did you talk about that at all?
No, not at all.
I mean, you know me.
I don't really like therapy, so,
therefore, it was just kind of, like, repetitive.
Did you get anything out of it?
Did it make you feel better, did it make you feel the same?
It just made me feel the same.
As a parent, I want to do everything
I can to make the world a better place for her,
to make her happy.
But I don't have all the answers.
It's just annoying.
I wish that I could have, like, a little micro-robot
on my shoulder who says like,
"this is how Jazz feels about this.
Leave me alone now."
My dad is definitely more open to hearing my opinion
when it comes to therapy.
I think he really listens to what I have to say
and kind of cooperates more.
While my mom, on the other hand, just wants a specific thing
or else she'll be very uptight.
Well, you know we're here for you all the time.
At least talk to me and Mom about it.
- Okay? - Okay.
Oh, man. I knew you were gonna do that.
Does Jazz know where we're going tonight?
Nope.
- We're poppin' cherries tonight. - Oh!
I don't know what that means.
I love drag queens.
Save $100, Greg.
$100 on what?
Jewelry. Do you need something?
Or is it for Jazz's birthday?
I can turn 50 again if you get me one of these.
Does Jazz know where we're going tonight?
Nope.
It's really hard to surprise Jazz anytime.
And for her birthday, especially.
But I think this one is really gonna blow her away.
Because Ari, Sander, and Griffen
are gonna come down from college
and surprise her, so, I'm excited, too.
It's a fringe benefit for me.
You've never been to lips, have you?
No.
It's a little dirty, it's a little frisky.
Lips is a drag show where they serve marvelous food,
wonderful entertainment,
they have impersonators,
they get a little dirty, it's fun.
They're men dressed as women, so it's a lot of balls
and things like that.
- Wait, what? - You know what I mean.
No, what are you saying?
Balls.
You think it's age-appropriate?
- For Jazz? - For Jazz?
- Yeah! - Yeah.
They just make jokes about the fact that they have men's...
Pe... well, I'm not gonna say that right.
This is my first drag show.
I have no expectation whatsoever,
other than it's gonna be a little raunchy.
I'm not sure what that means, exactly.
Oh, you know, they're drag queens,
they like to play with the men.
- Okay. - Yeah.
Jazz!
We got to go.
Where are we going?
Just tell me, I don't like surprises.
This is my birthday, I do not like surprises.
Tell me where we're going.
I'm fine with doing anything besides having a surprise party.
I really don't want to be the center of attention.
I'd prefer to be chilling in my room watching netflix.
Can you get shoes on?
Why don't you wear heels?
I don't wear heels, Mom.
Okay.
- Hey! - Hi, honey.
- Are you our valet? - Yes, I'm your valet.
Happy, happy, happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
I love this place.
I don't know how you guys knew about it.
I see that we are at Lips and, oh, my god, I am so excited.
I love drag queens.
They are fun, funny, beautiful,
and they can just say what's on their mind,
they can be whoever they want to be.
Honestly, inside I'm a little bit drag.
- Hi! - Hello.
My name's Calypso.
I heard we're celebrating something.
- We are! - Special 16th birthday here.
Sweet 16!
First drag show or not your first drag show?
No, not my first.
It's our first.
- But she hasn't been here! - Your first?
Our first.
So we're poppin' cherries tonight.
Oh!
I don't know what that means.
Well, you're at a drag club,
so everything gets turned upside-down and inside-out.
What did you order?
A blowjob.
Greg's having the orgasm.
We're getting a little raunchy here.
- Ah! - Oh, my god.
You scared me. Ahh!
- Happy birthday! - Ahh!
Surprise!
We made it. We're here.
Jazz's sweet 16.
What are you guys doing here?
I am so surprised seeing my siblings down here
all the way from Gainesville just for this dinner.
It's amazing. Oh, my god.
You scared me so bad!
It shows that they really care about me.
Or they just want to see drag queens.
Good evening, everybody! Welcome to Lips.
How we doin'?
It's show time!
Make some noise.
_
Having my grandparents there definitely makes it
a little more awkward
that we're watching sexual dancing,
but it also makes it really funny.
The show is very sexual and racy,
and I'm just loving the fact
that my grandparents are enjoying the show.
My grandpa, he has dollar bills up in the air.
I like that it's racy, I think it has to be racy.
Otherwise, it would be dull, and what's the purpose?
It's naughty.
Now, here at Lips, we're not just about entertaining,
we're also about celebrating.
We've got people celebrating with us tonight.
We got celebrations.
Honey, is it your birthday?
- Yes. - What's your name, baby?
- Jazz. - Jazz.
Oh, my god. Little Princess Jazz.
How old are you?
- 16. - 16!
Little baby.
_
Look at grandma, honey, she spent all day
at the salon today.
_
You look fabulous, honey.
Ah. My hair is worn in a definite style
and sprayed to death.
They call it "the helmet".
They can call it whatever.
It's always a point of discussion,
and I guess I have to accept that.
But that's who I am.
Wow!
Oh, my... no.
- It's a big cake. - Aww.
Another wet one!
Pbht!
Happy birthday, darling.
- Thank you. - Mwah.
Did you have a good time?
Thank you. Yes, of course.
You know, my life has been crazy with
all of these doctor consultations,
the surgery, and therapy,
so it's really great to have this family night off
where we could relax, really enjoy ourselves,
and just have a good time.
We got you a present.
Here you go.
That's all we have time for in college... money.
- Oh, yeah! - Happy birthday.
Wait! This is too much!
Cake! This!
This! This!
All I want is for my kids to be happy,
and right now Jazz is so happy.
And there's so many times where she's not.
So, that she's having a great time just warms my heart.
I'd have to say we did a pretty good job for Jazz's sweet 16.
Grandma, put it on! Ah!
Timber!
Jazz is growing up very fast.
- Time is speeding and as... - I just gave birth to her.
Happy birthday!
It's hard, and, like,
I want her to stay a little girl forever...
I always say that.
She doesn't look like my baby girl anymore,
you know, I was holding on there,
but she's gone.
This is a big time in her life,
we're going on all these consults
and huge decisions are being made
and this is probably the most serious time of her life.
And in the past, there were things that could be undone,
but once she has the bottom surgery,
that's it, there's no turning back.
It's one step closer to becoming the whole woman
that she wants to be.
Okay, for my next year's birthday, can we do nothing?
Next time on "I Am Jazz"...
This pride event is in Orlando,
and that is where the Pulse shooting took place.
The Pulse shooting was one of the most horrific
events in American history.
This is a shooting that happened at Pulse, Orlando,
it's the heart of the city.
And it is with great sadness that I share we have not 20,
but 50 casualties.
Did you get injured?
_
Oh, wow.
"Dating in the dark"...
The part that makes me nervous
is what if, like, no one chooses me.
Is there anything, like, on a lighter note
- that you want to share? - I have a cat.
Me, too!
I love animals.
I wasn't expecting to make
a legitimate connection with someone,
so I'm nervous about how he's going to react
when I tell him I'm transgender.
Um...
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa www.addic7ed.com