-Do you have to? ALLY: Yeah.
There you go.
There you go making everything seem simple.
-If it's the right thing, then do it. -That may empower me. . .
. . .but it won't ease the pain on the other side.
MADDIE: Are you sending me back?
What?
No.
-What are you talking about? -This is just nothing, really.
-If you're not gonna talk-- -It's about work.
-What about work? -Well, I happen to like my colleagues.
Before you, they were like my family.
-And this is a problem? -Yeah, it is now.
Because tomorrow l. . . .
I have to fire one of them.
I've been down this road
Woman
Walking the line That's painted by pride
And I have made mistakes in my life That ljust can 't hide
Oh, I believe I am ready For what love has to bring
I got myself together Now I'm ready to sing
I've been searching my soul tonight I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine the light To fiind my way back home
Baby
Hello!
-Claire? -Ally.
Well, did--? Did--?
Wait, did you just come down from the sky. . .
. . .in a bubble?
Actually, I walked up, but a bubble sounds wonderful.
-How are you, Ally? -I'm fine.
-How are you? -I'm--
(BURPS]
I'm horrible.
Horrible. I'm getting the acid reflux again.
What's the matter?
I've been given a pink slip, and not to wear, I'm afraid.
You mean that you were fired?
Well, why?
I've been accused of sexual harassment.
Hi, everybody!
Hi, Elaine! Hey, Nelle! Corretta, good to see you.
Let's all dish, but I need to see Richie first.
What was that?
Hi, Richard. Busy?
Ling! How are you?
I'm terrif. I'm great! I've never been more. . .
. . .miserable.
-What's wrong? -Nice is in, Richard.
In case you've never noticed, I'm not nice.
Oh.
-The world has gone friendly. -We're all adjusting.
-I heard John left. -Mexico.
Yeah, he'll be back. I hope.
-How are you doing? -Me? Fine. Bygones.
Don't tell me fine. He's your best friend.
-In fact, your only friend. -Ling, really, I'm fine.
Okay.
Call me if you get lonely sometime.
Really.
Okay.
Face-the-world time again.
Hello! Good to see you!
I love your dress! Let's get together!
Sorry I'm late.
Everybody knows that Richard extended partnership to me, and I've accepted.
He also delegated to me the responsibility and authority. . .
. . .to make tough decisions.
The firm is losing money, and to survive. . .
. . .we have to make some adjustments, and some will seem rather brutal.
I want to schedule meetings with all of you.
First Jenny, then Corretta, then Glenn, then Richard and Nelle.
But before that, we do have a new case.
Claire Otoms, remember her? She was fired.
-Could you take that? -Me?
-Yes. -Claire?
-Yes. -No, I'm afraid of her. She's--
You'll meet with her. Corretta, you'll second chair.
-Is there a reason for me to do this? -You're a litigator.
(MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY]
I'd like to have my meeting first, to get it over with.
Sorry, I'm saving you for last.
-Richard? -Yeah?
-Go meet with your client, please? -Oh.
Claire?
Hello.
Richard Fish. How are you?
I'm not myself.
Yes, I'm told you were terminated for--
Sexual harassment.
I see, and, well, are you guilty?
-Certainly not. -Oh, well, excellent.
-Can you help? -Well--
I mustn't lose this job, or I won't be able to keep up my payments.
-I could lose my house. -Let me handle you. It.
It's a colonial home.
Reminds me of frankfurters.
-That's another reason they proffered. -Frankfurters?
They claim that I'm somehow suggestive when I eat them.
-I'm here. -Great. Sit.
I know there's rumors somebody's gonna be let go.
Yeah, but I try not to pay attention to rumors.
I see.
It's you, Jenny.
-What? -Obviously--
-Did you say, me? -Jenny, this isn't about your failing.
This is about the firm's failure, and the other lawyers. . .
. . .have more clients, and they have more experience and. . . .
Would you like a tissue?
Maybe a box?
But, Ally. . .
. . .you brought me in.
I know, and you're the person I was most wanting to keep, truly.
But I can't.
Please, Ally, don't fire me.
Um. . . .
If you are amenable, what I would like to do is loan you out.
What do you mean?
We could assign you to the district attorney's office. . .
. . .and we would pay a portion your salary.
That way, we would gain financial relief. . .
. . .and you would gain tons of trial experience, and in a year. . .
. . .you could come back, which would help us build a criminal practice.
-So I'm not fired? I'm traded? -Temporarily.
-What if I said, no? -Well, then you'd be fired.
Tissue. Tissue.
(BLOWS NOSE LOUDLY]
Hold on.
-You're not scheduled-- -Tough!
I don't know the financial situation, but you don't fire people. . .
. . .or loan them out to district attorney's offices. It's wrong.
I'm not gonna stand for it.
If she goes, I go with all my clients.
Glenn, you love Jenny.
Do not handle me, Ally. I won't be handled here.
How about this?
Take the day, and we'll discuss it--
I won't feel differently tomorrow or next week. If she goes, I go.
It's as simple as that.
Then I guess you go, Glenn.
You're--
If this place is hemorrhaging, you can't afford to lose my clients.
Partners can't be pushed around by associates.
-I will go. -I believe you.
-Hey, Ally-- -Glenn!
It's your choice whether you leave. Say the wrong thing, and it won't be.
You've become a power-drunk bitch overnight.
That was the wrong thing.
Really nice.
-She shoots this look. -What kind of look?
It's a come-hither look to the younger men, and they feel oppressed.
-Has she ever approached anybody? -Yes. She loves to talk about houses.
She gets people talking about their living rooms and furniture.
Then she talks about her house, and it leads to an invitation to her house.
You fired her for inviting people to her house?
It's the way she does it. She said to one fellow:
"Have a hot dog under my canopy. "
LAWYER: We have here a tape.
POLK: It's a security tape that unwittingly caught her.
Your Honor, I object. He's suggesting that a camera has wit.
Please sit down, Miss Otoms.
-Emerson, you said your name was? -Yes.
I'm Claire Otoms.
You're lovely, and don 't you fiill out your trousers nicely.
It's things like that all day long.
We have a lot of young men in the office. They complain.
I had to take action.
How are Miss Otoms' skills as an office administrator?
It has nothing to do with talent. She was a wonderful assistant.
It's just. . . .
-She harasses. -Yes.
-Mr. Polk, did she harass you? -No.
In fact, one night late, the two of you were alone.
You opened some Scotch.
You kissed my client, didn't you, Mr. Polk?
-Well-- -Is that a yes?
It was one isolated lapse in judgment.
You're firing Claire Otoms, because she wouldn't return your advances?
That would be not true.
Did you ever go to dinner together?
-Once. -Once.
It was a restaurant, where photographers walk around. . .
. . .taking pictures of couples. Did a photographer come up to you?
-Maybe. -Maybe?
Well, that would be you and Miss Otoms, would it not?
The photographer said, "Smile. "
-Good for you. That's what I say. -You do?
Yeah, he called you a bitch! Tell her, Victor. She had no choice.
Come on! He forced me! It's not as if l--
-We'll work harder. -Weekends too.
It's. . . .
Sorry.
Look, I am not asking you for your opinion.
But if you want to give it and feel the need, give it up.
You fired Jenny out of leadership.
-Glenn was out of ego. -Who asked you?
Rehire Glenn and remind him he has to treat you with respect.
-How can l--? -Ally, it's the right thing to do.
Thank you for coming back.
I was acting out of anger, and I shouldn't have done that knowing. . .
. . .that it was understandable for you to be emotional about Jenny. . .
. . .and I want you to stay.
-So I'm not fired? -No.
I have Nelle.
Send her in, please.
Well, I certainly thought it would be me.
You're our most productive associate.
But there are some changes that you need to make, however.
Such as?
-I want you to be nicer. -What?
There's something unique about Cage and Fish. . .
. . .and I want to keep that at Cage, Fish and McBeal.
I don't know of other law firms that socialize how we do.
Yes. It's a wonderful life, isn't it?
Every lawyer in this firm has sung a song at the bar. . .
. . .and I think you need to sing, Nelle.
What?
Everybody else is, well, for lack of a better word. . .
. . .they're game, and you are not.
You've alienated yourself because of it.
I don't care whether you're partner or not. You cannot order me to sing.
No, I can't, but I think it would be good for you.
We're a gang, and it's time for you to join the party.
Wait a minute, Mr. Postman
Wait, Mr. Postman
Please, Mr. Postman, Look and see
Oh, yeah Please, please, Mr. Postman
-It's been a mighty long time -Oh, yeah
-I don't want you to quit for me. -What do you think about Ally's idea?
-I don't know. I'm in shock. -Hey!
-We're having a private conversation. -Heard you got fired.
-This is private. -I won't tell.
-Raymond? -Dink!
-Wank! -Hit me.
She wants me to be nice.
This is what I mean. The world has gone fuzzy.
You singing? Please.
Secretly, I've always wanted to get up there and do a number.
-What? -It just looks fun.
Oh, yeah
I just want to get up there and be fun, just once.
-Then do it. -I can't sing.
Remember that lip-synch thing I did?
Everybody knew you were lip-synching.
Suppose they wouldn't know?
I know how you could do it.
I'd never get up there alone. I'd die.
I'd do it with you.
I love limelight.
-Really? -Why not?
You sure you won't have one, darling?
-They're wonderful! -No.
They have three more witnesses to testify you harassed them.
If I can get $50,000, can we end it?
-No. -Claire, see, we might not win this.
Richard, I made a promise to myself when I was just a little girl. . .
. . .that I would walk through life with dignity.
I'm a very proud woman.
I might have been flirtatious, but I never harassed anybody. . .
. . .and I won't settle.
I'm sure there are other places of employment.
Is there a reason you want to go back there?
They accepted me.
It's not an easy thing to find, acceptance.
No, it isn't, but what we seem to be discovering. . .
. . .you weren't really accepted there.
It seems they all want you to leave, Claire.
A sleepover?
Six girls, tops.
Okay, four.
Maddie, you know, I have never even met these girls.
Victor's okay with it.
I'm really glad Victor is okay with it. I'm so relieved.
Please?
Marvin broke up with me. That should be good news.
-I'm sorry. -No, you're not.
Yes, I am. Why did he break up with you?
He wanted to have sex.
I think just kissing.
-You're 1 0. -I know.
Have you. . .? Have you ever kissed a boy before?
No.
And I don't really want to.
Some of my friends are, like, making out and stuff.
Ally, can you show me how to kiss?
You're 1 0.
They make fun of girls who don't know how.
-Who makes fun? -The other girls.
I know it's a bad week with you firing people. . .
. . .but they might talk about kissing tonight. I don't want to be a dope.
I'm not following.
You would be off-stage singing with someone.
We would be on-stage pretending to sing.
First of all, the whole bar knows my voice.
They go home replaying it in their heads.
People cheering, cheap sound system. They won't know.
-You two want to pretend to do a duet? -Yes.
And were these innuendoes sexual in nature?
Most of the time, yes.
What did Miss Otoms say to you?
She knew I was a music lover and asked me if I liked Captain and Tennille. . .
. . .and then she started singing:
Do that to me one more time.
I can never get enough of a man like you
-How did this make you feel, sir? -A little objectified.
You seem like a good-looking young man.
Thank you?
Is it your testimony no other females flirted with you at the office?
-No, it goes on. -Any other woman ever hit on you?
Yes.
-Did you complain about these women? -No.
-Why not? -I don't know.
Is that an honest answer?
Why didn't you complain about other women hitting on you?
Well, a man doesn't mind it when a pretty girl hits on him, I guess.
-But-- -Miss Otoms isn't a pretty girl.
-I guess she's a little old for me. -Old?
Sources tell me a woman named Jennifer Schlumm made a pass at you.
-Is that true? -Yes.
She's 59. Did you complain about her?
-No. -Well, why not? She's older.
Look, it's not just that Miss Otoms is older, all right? She's. . . .
RICHARD: She's what?
A younger attractive woman is one thing. . .
. . .and an older attractive woman is another.
And an older woman that looks like Claire. . . .
That's, that's, that's. . . .
Yet another.
That was the most humiliating experience since my honeymoon.
You didn't need to ask those questions.
-I was trying to make our case. -Our case? What is our case?
That I was fired for being ugly?
We had to show you weren't fired for harassment. . .
. . .that it was something else.
I don't like that something else. You should have checked with me.
-I'm sorry. -Are you okay?
Perhaps I'm not as beautiful as--
As I once was, but I still have a lovely bone structure.
If I looked like you, Corretta, I could just sit back. . .
. . .and the men would flock to me, but I have to initiate.
I haven't harassed anyone. I've taken the first step.
How else can I expect to meet somebody?
Growing old and alone, it's. . .
(BURPS]
. . .horrible.
Horrible.
(BURPS]
Um. . . .
-Jenny? -Yes?
What's up?
I've thought very hard about the D.A.'s office thing. . .
. . .and I've decided. . . .
Actually, I'm going to open my own firm.
Your own firm?
Don't you need clients to do that?
She'll have clients.
-Mine. -Excuse me?
Foy and Shaw. That sounds good, doesn't it?
-You're leaving? -To start our own firm.
That's amazing.
There's no hard feelings. I understand that your decision was fiscal.
Right.
I can wash out 44 pairs of socks And have them hanging out on the line
I can starch and iron two dozen shirts Before you can count from 1 to 9
-How much more practice? -Until it's perfect.
Fine.
Woman W-O-M-A-N
Okay, Nelle.
I can rub and scrub till this old house Shines just like a dime
Feed the baby Grease the car--
-Nelle, you're off. -I'm not.
From the top. Again.
I can wash out 44 pairs of socks And have them hanging out on the line
-It isn't the end of the world. -I don't have your life.
Maddie is talking about sex, which I don't even remember.
Parenting? I'm as trained for that as I am for running a law firm.
The only associate that brought in business just quit.
The reason disaster doesn't squish me is because it feels like old times.
Okay.
First, let's deal with parenting.
You have a 1 0-year-old, who lost her father.
She's with her third caretaker in her third home in two years, and she's okay.
That's a miracle.
A lot has to do with her, but you must be doing something right.
As far as the firm goes, you've made tough decisions. . .
. . .and you've gained respect.
You don't need Glenn. You need John Cage.
-Yeah, well, he's in Mexico. -Maybe because of Jenny and Glenn.
This is a midlife crisis. . .
. . .probably brought on by having to stare at youth.
How do you know?
He needs to see the future with him in it.
You have to convince him he's in it. He'll come back.
Just once, I would like to get a glimpse of your crystal balls.
Ball. Ball. Crystal-- No. Ball.
Oh, God, now I'm starting to sound like him. Da, da, da, da.
How do you know these things?
Because you tell me in your own quirky way.
-Did you get everything? -Yeah.
Chips, I got the juice, organic cookies, fruit bars, I rented E. T...
. . .bought extra toothbrushes, pizza will be delivered promptly at 6:30.
Anything else?
No. Thank you.
I'll see you at 5:00.
Um. . . .
Victor?
Maybe you want to pick up a bottle of wine. . .
. . .and all those kids, once they settle down, maybe we can. . . .
That sounds great.
But what if something happens? You're gonna have to react.
Their parents would feel better knowing we weren't drinking.
Good point.
How about a joint?
I was kidding! I was kidding! I was totally kidding!
I'll see you at 5:00.
Woman W-O-M-A-N
I'll say it again
'Cause I'm a wo--
Sorry.
You're not doing that tonight, are you?
Keep it up. You're sounding great.
'Cause I'm a woman W-O-M-A-N
You're his travel agent.
You should know where in Mexico he is.
Okay. Thank you.
-Going to Mexico? -I might be.
Am I going anywhere?
Only up.
No, you're doing really great work, Corretta.
Thank you.
But you could be doing better. Start bringing in clients.
Don't wait for us to just assign you work. Create it.
If I work at night, I can devote the day to recruiting clients--
No, I want you to have a life.
Why don't you recruit clients during lunch?
Okay.
-I'm sorry. -No, that's okay.
We're done.
For whatever it's worth, and I'm sure it isn't much. . .
. . .I will be performing at the bar tonight.
-Really? -I just thought. . .
. . .what the hell.
My client followed the law. Claire Otoms is a sexual harasser.
You heard six witnesses. The leers, the innuendoes, the advances.
The woman is a predator, Your Honor, a sexual menace.
And Marshall Polk had to address her unlawful conduct. It's that simple.
What's simple is, there's a double standard.
When sexual advances are welcome, we call it flirting.
When they're not, we call it harassment.
If Claire Otoms were a beautiful young woman. . .
. . .we wouldn't be here right now.
But we are here. . .
. . .because Claire looks the way she looks.
That's status discrimination, and the law does not permit that.
The irony is, Claire Otoms is a beautiful woman.
She's older, but the last time I checked, that wasn't a crime.
She's also lonely.
And if that's punishable, well, they should start building bigger prisons.
When you're alone and people aren't coming to you, you go to them.
It's called making the first move.
You think it's easy?
Rejection is punishment enough.
She didn't need to lose her job.
I see no real offense committed by Miss Otoms.
However, when people feel sexually oppressed in the workplace. . .
. . .it is the duty of the employer to take action.
The question is:
Was it reasonable for these men to feel oppressed by Miss Otoms' conduct?
I find that it was. Judgment for the defendant. Adjourned.
-I thought we had it. -So did l.
-We could appeal, but-- -Thank you both for trying.
And thank you for your lovely words, Richard. I was very moved.
Listen, they weren't just words.
I'm prepared to put my money where my mouth would, would never go.
-I'll hire you. -What?
I need a good administrative assistant.
If I had one, I wouldn't be in the mess--
-I mean, I'm offering you a job. -Can I kiss you?
-Well. . . . -Can l?
-Well, let's have a group hug. -Yes, let's!
Skinny little brats Walking down Avenue A
Dangling their cigarettes Their independence day
-What do you mean? -My voice.
-We're on in 1 0 minutes. -We practiced all day.
They are back there getting dressed.
I can't sing.
Hello, Elaine!
-We're going to be counterparts. -I'm sorry?
I'm coming to work at Cage, Fish and McBeal.
Isn't that wonderful, wonderful news?
-Do you even have the words? -No.
Let me first address another crisis. You know lead vocals.
-The other lkettes don't. -I can't sing.
I sing.
Do you know "I'm a Woman"?
It's my theme song.
-No. -Don't be too quick to judge me.
I have a wonderful singing voice. And that song? Written for me.
("LIKE A VIRGIN" PLAYS]
They certainly seem to be having fun.
Oh, yeah.
Well, would it be cool if I jumped in with them?
-It would be very uncool. -Right. Right.
Listen. . .
. . .Nelle is doing a song at the bar, and I think it's important to her if--
Go ahead.
I'll be back in a half an hour at the latest.
I'll be here.
-You really--? -I don't mind.
Well, I can wash out 44 pairs of socks
And have them hanging out on the line
You know, I can scoop up A great, big dip full of lard
From the drippings ' can
She's amazing.
She sounds an awful lot like Elaine.
'Cause I'm a woman W-0-M-A-N
Say it again
I can rub and scrub Until this old house
Is shining like a dime
-You're up next, Claire. -I'm ready.
-Keep it tucked in. -Tucked in?
And start all over again 'Cause I'm a woman
I can stretch A greenback dollar bill
From here to kingdom come
I can play the numbers Pay my bills
And still end up with some
I got a $20 gold piece says There's nothing I can 't do
I can make a dress out of a feedbag And make a man out of you
'Cause I'm a woman W-O-M-A-N
-Sing it again -Sing it again
- 'Cause I'm a woman
W-O-M-A-N
Oh, yeah
-The people loved it. -You should have called it off.
-Nelle wanted to sing. -Not with that voice.
You wanted to sing and made it about you when it should have been about her.
This thing was your idea. Claire knew the song.
I'm sorry if I failed you.
People did like it, Ling.
What are you doing here?
I came to get things, check messages.
Check to see if John called?
Ling, I'm fine, whether John is here or not.
Richard.
Don't lie to me.
I know you're lonely. Is it that difficult to be honest?
Honest?
You're the fraud. All this complaining about how the world's gone friendly.
You came back to check on me because I was hurting.
You went up on-stage tonight to help Nelle.
You care about the people you care about, Ling.
Don't think you're fooling me.
You're a good friend. . .
. . .but your secret's safe with me.
I don't want to hear-- Okay. Okay, now--
If you guys need anything, I am going to be right down the hall.
MADDIE: Victor will read a story. -But a short one because it's past 1 1 .
-Okay, short. -Yeah.
And just so you know, I can hear everything you say.
Good night.
-Good night. -Good night.
-You're up. -Okay.
I think it's going well. They seem to be having fun.
Yeah. How about you?
Yeah. I'm surviving. Thank you.
I bought that bottle of wine.
I figured one glass isn't too irresponsible.
-French kissing, what is it? -Sorry?
-They're talking about it. -They can't talk about it!
-Ally. -Hurry up, tell me!
-You touch tongues. -You stick out your tongue?
You don't stick them out. You--
-Show me! -I will not.
-Demonstrate with Victor. -No!
There could be worse things.
Your tongues touch. That's your explanation. Go back to bed.
I should not have given her a demonstration.
No, you should not have given her a demonstration.
I'll go pour the wine.
It's a very short story.
All right, girls. Here we go.
You might actually quit being a judge?
Yeah.
It's lonely on that bench.
I thought I'd like being in a place where people can't get to you. . .
. . .but every once in a while--
You need to have somebody who can get to you.
Yeah.
I miss you. . .
. . .guys.
I miss you too.
Anyway, it's late.
I have an early morning with Justice.
-So don't be a stranger. -Nor you.
OLD LADY: You stinker!
Ripped by thewildbunch22