(loud explosion and screaming)
- The prisoners are escaping!
- Close the east gate!
(horn blowing)
- Go, go, go, go, come on, come on!
(gate creaking)
- What happened there?
I said close the east gate.
- What, he blew an F# on the horn,
that's the note for the west gate, which we shut,
quite well if I do say so myself.
- Wait, wait, what's happening?
- No, I didn't blow an F#, I blew a G,
thank you very much.
- Well, why'd you blow a G?
The east gate's A flat.
- It's A what?
- Guys, hold your horses.
- Killin' it.
- Does our main system of communication rely on everybody
having perfect pitch?
Is that a thing?
- Ooh, maybe I did blow an F#.
- I'll blow you in a minute.
- Not a threat you want to follow up on.
- Hang on, no, this is the one for the east gate.
(blows horn)
(muffled yelling)
- Did you just tell the trebuchet men to fire?
- You need to know this.
The entire mixolydian mode has been reserved
for siege weaponry.
I vote we remove Horatio from horn blowing duty.
- [Horatio] Oh shit, maybe I did blow an F#,
sorry, here, here's the one.
(horn blowing)
(jazzy saxophone music)
- [Kylie] Men, all they think about is sex.
- I'm sorry, what?
- That was a joke.
Yeah, but seriously, Jack, I need you to focus.
Whether you like it or not, you've become like the
figurehead for wizard immigration.
And while I'm really excited to be helping you,
I can't help you unless you pay attention.
- I'm sorry, I'm all ears.
And a body too.
Uh, there are guys back home who are literally,
just all ears.
They are gross.
- Moving on, you have been here four weeks,
have your visa papers come through?
- Yeah, yeah, um, oh, no.
One second.
- Okay, what's with the beans?
- Uh, well, without magic I don't really know how to cook.
- Yeah, but why not just throw the cans away?
- Well, without magic I didn't really know
where to put them.
No.
Oh, that's, uh, Bony Tony, he's my yoga instructor.
- Why don't you just recycle the cans?
- A recycle?
- Yeah, yeah, recycling, it's when you take something
that you've used and instead of throwing it away,
you turn it into something new.
- Now, who's using magic, you salty dog (chuckles).
- Look, how 'bout I give you an application form for
a recycling bin.
Sound good?
- Uh, to all my ears, yes.
Just two ears, just the two.
- So, well, how many cans are in that bag, anyway?
- Oh, um, let's see.
(cans clanging on the floor)
- Lotus.
- Shh!
- Oh, what you got there, champ?
- Not that it's any of your business,
but it's an application form.
- Oh, yeah, what for?
- Not that it's any of your concern,
but it's for a recycling bin. - [Sceldrick] Oh, what do you
need a recycling bin for?
- Not that it's, fuck, Skulldrick, just fuck off.
- You know you're magic, right?
Just conjure one.
I mean, heck, I'll do it for ya.
Here's your bin.
- No, but that doesn't count.
You don't have to do everything with magic.
- No, but it is more fun.
A bing, bang, bog,
head of a dog.
- Stop it! No more dog heads!
- Ah, aye, aye, Captain Jack.
A fling, flang, flat,
legs of a cat.
Remember Jack, you have to use magic again.
You're the only one that can stop me.
Hocus pocus, dipple docus.
(loud explosion)
- [Bony Tony] Lotus.
- Not now, Tony.
(grunting)
(growling)
- Hey, Jack o'lantern, looks like
you got a lot of bins.
- Yes, this is rather a lot of bins.
This is an awful lot of bins.
- Yup.
- I'm not gonna let you win.
- Oh, well, I'm not gonna let you bin.
- Stop saying bin.
- Bin. - [Jack] Bin.
- Bin. - [Jack] Bin!
- Bin, bin, bin, bin, bin.
- [Jack] Bin! - Bin
- [Jack] Bin! - Oh, binny, binny,
bin, bin, bin.
Binna, binna, binna, bin, bin, bin.
- Bin!
Bin.
- Excuse me, mate?
- I would like a recycling bin, please.
As you can see, the forms are as filled out
as a busty beauty's bra.
- Yeah, nice one, mate, unfortunately,
this is Planning, you need Sanitation.
Off you trot.
- [Jack] Bin please!
- No, this is Sanitation.
You need Sustainability.
(Jack growling)
- Have you tried Planning?
- Oh, g'day there, matey-pataty,
what are you doing there?
G'day, Cath.
Um, Cath, that's mine.
Bloody, Cath.
- [Terry] Jack?
- Terry?
Oh, my God, I didn't know you crossed realms.
- Well, the wife and I heard about what you did
and we thought, well, we'll give it a crack.
- Wow, and you have a job, congratulations.
- Oh, it's nothing special but I got a school
to put through school.
It's better than nothing.
What brings you here, Jack?
- Oh, I'm just trying to apply for a recycling bin
but this place has proven to be a bit
of a labyrinth.
And I say that as someone who used to live in a labyrinth.
- Yeah, I know, you're old flat mate told me.
- Jared, that bloody nunce.
- Look, I would love to help, mate,
but it's really not my department, sorry.
- It's okay, it's fine.
But thanks.
It's good to see you.
- G'day, Terry, bloody Terry-fying, eh?
(laughing)
- Nice shark in the dark.
- Bloody, fishy fuck.
- Has a wife, mate.
He's just a bit of a hammerhead,
'cause you hammer her and she gives you head, mate.
Oh. (Terry mock laughing)
- Hey, mate, when she's on the rag
do you bloody just go into a feeding frenzy, mate?
Ah, just joshin' with you, mate,
just playing around, just playing around.
- G'day Jaws, how's your jaw?
You're a shark, we're boys.
- Mate, we grew here.
You flew here, except you swam,
'cause you're a bloody fish.
(laughing)
- All right, guys, you've had your fun.
- Just having a laugh, mate, just having a laugh.
- Bloody blood out your gills, Terry, eh?
Been growing around the gills?
Adam, bloody, Gilchrist.
- Ricky, bloody, Ponting.
- Yeah, Ricky Ponting, um...
- [Man in pink shirt] Cricket.
- Come on, boys, let's leave bloody Megaladon Brad Miller,
leave him to do some work.
- Yeah, mate, just joshin' around, just playing, mate.
- See you later, chum.
- What did you just say?
- Chum.
- What do you mean, chum?
- Chum, fisherman use chum to attract sharks.
- I didn't know that, that's really interesting.
- Good fact, good fact.
- Thanks.
- See you tonight, mate.
Don't bloody flake on us.
- Yeah, minimum chips, mate,
don't you bloody forget.
- You piece of shit!
- (sighs)
Back at the bureaucrats,
I'm gonna help you get your bin.
But first, just tell me one thing,
why are you doing this?
I mean, look at me,
I'm employed, I have a job,
I have as much right to be here as any of these other guys,
but do you think I'm gonna be treated the same?
No.
Will I get any respect?
No.
Will the harassment ever end?
No.
(sighs)
They're never gonna look past what I am, Jack.
And the same goes for you.
Remember that.
- Well, I hope you're wrong, Terry,
for both our sakes.
But thanks anyway, man.
You're one of the good ones.
- Mate, you like that, mate?
Does it remind you of home, mate?
Mate? Matey-pataty?
Bloody potato chips, bloody fish and chips, mate?
Mate? - [Terry] I know it's polite
but I really appreciate the moisture.
- Mate, mate, mate!
(whimsical music)
- [Kylie] Knock, knock.
- Hey, Kylie, what are you doing here?
- Terry told me about the day that you had.
Congratulations, she's a beauty.
- So are you.
- What?
- Nothing, I...
- Moving on, I have brought you a little gift.
- Oh, um, thanks.
Oh, it's um, it's garbage, what a treat.
- Yeah, well, I thought we could Christen your
new bin together.
- Okie-dokes.
Hey!
Yea. - [Kylie] Yea.
- Uh, look, can I get you something?
I just learned how to use a kettle, so I could offer you
some hot water, but by hot water I mean hot snakes.
- Tea would be nice.
- Uh, wasn't an option, but, okay tea!
Tea, tea, tea. - [Kylie] Tea.
- [Jack] Snakes is spelled with an "S," though.
(screaming)
- Lotus.
(gentle music)