www.addic7ed.com
Trust me s01e01 all hell the victors
Chris craft crossair...
With the standard 560 horse power v-8 engine...
25 knot cruising speed, spaceship cocpit
And luxurious appointments.
It's only one thing left to say.
You deserve it.
Seriously, you deserve it.
You worked hard. you got the big promotion.
Sure. you deserve it. you should treat yourself.... get something
That matches your new professional status..
Matches? what am i -- the leader of a colombian drug cartel?
No, you're not. you're the leader of one of the best creative groups
In any ad agency in chicago. how many tarmacs have you sat on?
How many nights away from home? how many soul-crushing...
Client meetings? how many?
It ends now. it's payback time.
You need to get this boat. -i can't afford it.
Be a good american and finance it.
It's like a $100,000 boat. -um, no.
It's like a $700-a-month boat. you're a creative director.
Do the math. you can't afford to not have this boat.
I haven't got the raise yet. -ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
You'll get the raise.
Done deal. tony will call you into his office, he'll sit you down,
And give you a box of brand-new business cards, and then
Slide across a big, fat raise.
Ahhh ha ha ha!
Whoa! she handles well.
It's the middle of october. i'm not buying a boat.
No, you need to buy a boat. you're ready next year.
Day one -- bridges go up, off you go across the lake
In your brand-new gleaming boat with your family or me.
And i bring a date. -would you gentlemen
Be interested in a little more information? -yes. -no.
Yes. -no.
No, no, no.
What would jesus do?
Christ? our lord, hmm?
He'd embrace his destiny. he'd buy something --
A watch, new shoes, which he might wear on his new boat!
Okay, it's all part of a master plan, okay?
To spread the good will to his fellow man, okay?
To pass on the good fortune to keep the universe in balance.
You got to keep the universe in balance. -just because i get a promotion
Doesn't mean i have to become a different person.
You know, i like my watch and my shoes. i like my life.
But you are a different person, mason, okay?
And people are starting to look at you differently.
Bingo. case in point right there.
That's what i'm talking about. you can't stop it. right?
What's that? power. people can sense the power.
They look at you, and they see the man who saved the arc mobile account.
Or at least the guy who took the dead guy's job.
Shut your mouth. you didn't take anything.
All right, stu died, and tony gave you the job, which is good for us.
All right? it is. really.
Time to embrace a new mason.
Why would jesus need a watch? -he's got a lot of time zones to cover.
Let the ego begin to swell.
Mason's in adweek already.
Look, a whole article -- picture and everything. look.
I don't read those ad rags. they just make you paranoid.
I'm not paranoid. i'm informed.
Here, listen, listen.
mason mcguire promoted to cd at rothman, greene & moore.
among his new responsibilities,
mcguire will oversee creative work on arc mobile,
dove hair care, effen vodka, and potbelly sandwich works.
That's it? that's not an article. that's a blurb.
It all starts with a blurb.
Hi, good morning. -sarah.
That's a very, very pretty shirt you're wearing. it's so stripey.
Listen, i was just wondering when i'm getting my office. i was supposed to
Have a window, and -- -a window. i remember.yeah.
Just give me a minute to get settled, maybe actually get to my office.
You betcha. okay. yep.
Get on the man's calendar.
Yes.
Hi, guys. hey, mason. what's up?
Hey, nice article about you in adweek.
Yeah, i saw that. thanks.
When are those two guys gonna stop being
So pissed at me for not selling their campaign?
Did you apologize to them? -i didn't do anything wrong.
I'm guessing it's gonna be awhile.
God. 30 e-mails?
With great power comes great responsibility. and..
A bigger office. we got to get you in a bigger office, dude...
I like my office. -...befitting your stature. -i'm not changing.
I'm not moving. -ohh. photos.
Score.
Keep it. burn it. destroy it.
Oh. aw, now that was a boondoggle.
We were boondoggling.
Hello?
Yeah, tony, sure. i'll be right there.
Yeah, that's good. keep that.
Duty calls.
What do you think he wants? -to talk to me.
About the money? -i don't know. -bet it's the money.
Ooh, i got this. you get tony. get some money.
Hi, mason.
Bye, mason.
Wow, he's in a hurry. -eh, important man.
Um, i brought those director reels you guys wanted to look at.
Oh, and, jessica, we want to thank you for your personal touch.
And when i say "we," i mean me.
Hey, i have a question. do you like boats?
Oh, mason. uh, i can't talk now. i'll call you back.
Come in. come in, come in. shut the door behind you, would you?
Sure. it's a, uh, door-shut kind of meeting, huh?
Now, some days...
My job is a pain in the ass.
But on days like today, i love it.
Sit down.
This is a long time coming.
Too long.
Well, congratulations, mason mcguire, creative director.
Well, i guess that makes it official.
Wow. uh, thank you.
Thank you, tony.
Look at it.
Yeah? -look at them.
I love -- i love that raised type and the card stock, yeah?
Wow.
You should feel great. -i do. i do.
Anything else?
Have you ever noticed...
The tribune tower?
Yeah, sure. -in the early '20s,
There was a competition to design the tower,
And architects from all over the world competed in it.
Did -- did you know this? -i do now.
When you look at it, the -- the gothic style,
The heavy, ornate facade --
You can't take your eyes off it. i mean, you just --
You know you're looking at something special,
And this is special, mason.
The cards, the title, the blurb in adweek. these things --
They're not insignificant. these are things that will
Make people look up to you
Like the way they look up at the detail of the tribune tower.
And i appreciate it, tony. i do.
I just -- i thought that there might also may be a, um --
A raise, too?
Some promotions come with a new title and more money.
And some just come with the new title.
And this -- this is the latter.
That's the...
Title-only kind.
Yeah.
It's not you. it's -- it's --
It's denise.
I mean, there's a company-wide salary freeze. i'm working on it.
So, uh, more responsibility, more work,
More headaches for the same money?
But with a new title. that's what's more important.
Right. absolutely. true.
Um, any idea when the, uh, less important part might happen?
I love that.
Humor in the face of adversity. that's --
I mean, that's why you're creative director.
Congratulations, mason.
Thank you very much.
Would you stop it? -i'm doing all this myself.
You're not even helping. -i'm not moving offices.
Why not? we'd have so much more space. -i don't want to be that guy.
What guy? the happy guy in the corner office that people
That people respect and want to be? you don't want to be that guy?
No, the guy who has a title for five minutes
And acts like he's been there for 20 years,
Even though he hasn't done anything to deserve it,
You know, so he surrounds himself with stuff to get respect.
Hey.
Are those new business cards?
Mind if i take a peek?
Now, you have done something to earn people's respect. these are nice.
You know where these would look great? in stu's office. you have to move.
Okay? it's not really a promotion unless you get the bigger office, all right?
With the fancy couch for your partner and a mini fridge,
With nice drinks in there for your partner. oh, hello. what is this --
The old-school portfolio? you don't see those very often.
Whose is this? -i have to look at art-director books.
Sarah needs a partner. -chip lyons? sounds like a douche bag.
Yeah, he is. i met with him yesterday.
I don't think i could work with a guy named chip.
Don't hire him.
I'm not. -hi.
All settled in?
Well, i got a lot -- -great, great.
So i've been working here for two weeks, and
I think that i've been more than patient.
But i'm not spending another day sitting in that veal pen.
I want the window office that i was promised,
And i want a new partner to replace the one who just dropped dead.
Well, this works out perfectly 'cause mason's moving into stu's office.
No, i'm not.
That is so great. then i could just move into your old office.
No, you can't. this is my office.
I am not moving. -then should i move into stu's office? no.
You know what? i can always go back to ddb because they love me there.
Sarah, i get it.
I've heard your complaint. -i wasn't complaining.
I was saying.
"peter derby." -answer it.
Why's he calling me?
Uh, maybe because you're his creative director. take the call.
Peter derby -- very, very important call.
Head of marketing, arc mobile -- very impressive.
Wow, you working out these days? really good. grab-grabby.
There you go. off to the veal pen.
Hey, peter.
What kind of problem? pro-- problem?
He said there's a problem? what's the problem?
Tell me what the problem is. what's he saying?
Just tell me what the problem is. tell me what the problem --
Masturbation.
Focus groups thought that the tagline,
"what can you do with one hand?" is about masturbation.
Forget the focus groups. -i can't.the client can't.
It's not an appropriate association for a cellphone company.
I can write some new lines. it's not a problem.
Hold on, there. no one needs to write new lines. the line works.
"what can you do with one hand?" it's not about masturbation.
It's about empowerment is what it's about.
And you think about it,
The line is really more about pleasing other people, not yourself.
Conner, the line is brilliant, okay?
We all know that. but it doesn't matter because the line is dead.
And derby will not risk offending his core consumers.
Uh, our campaign had nothing to do with masturbation.
It had a priest in it.
You know, maybe we could call gordon and ask him to talk to derby...
Well, not yet because the account guys... -guys.
Well, he knows peter derby better than mason.
Hey.he's an account guy. he doesn't know anything.
You should talk to tony about it. tony is just gonna tell us to fix it.
Guys! guys! hey!
Peter derby says the line is dead. we need a new line by tomorrow
Or the campaign is dead.
What?
Give me the razor. -why?
You can't be the creative director with the hairy neck.
I don't know. it could be my hook, my thing.
So, honey...
I was thinking that maybe i would call that contractor this week
And get a bid on redoing this bathroom.
Erin, can we... never mind.
What? -nothing. i'm not about to
Mention the austerity program while you're holding a razor to my neck.
Honey.
Okay, first of all, you just got a big promotion, so--
I kind of thought this whole austerity
Program we would loosen up a bit.
And, secondly, your jugular vein is in the front.
So if i were to kill you, i'd have to come in like this.
Hey,hey!
Cut it out! cut it out!
I have to live... at least until 5:00.
Why? what happens at 5:00?
Arc mobile killed our tagline, which is sort of what sold the spot.
Really? -so now we have to come up
With a new tagline that still works with the old spot.
Why'd they kill it?
Focus groups thought it was about masturbation.
I said that the first time i heard it.
I'm just saying. -support the husband.
Listen to the wife. -i do listen to you.
I just don't always agree with you.
Well, this time, i happen to be right.
No, this time, you happen to be wrong
In exactly the same way as a bunch of women
From the mall who had time to do a focus group.
"what can you do with one hand?" is a great line.
You know, it's about empowerment
And controlling your whole life with one hand.
Sounds like masturbation to me.
What is it with you and the masturbating?
Who's masturbating?
"what can you do with one hand?"
I mean, i know what they're trying to say,
But other people are gonna jump right to...you know.
Will you stop doing that? -see, that's inappropriate.
...say, but other people are gonna jump right to...you know.
Will you stop doing that?
Just trying to make a joke. -what is this?
Arc mobile focus groups.
Turn it off.
Masturbation?
I didn't even think it was about that until you brought it up.
Thank you. -there's too much sex in our society, don't you think?
You know, my grandson just might see this commercial?
Then i got to talk to him about, uh...
Touching yourself. uh-huh.
Come on. that's inspiration.
Oh, so, you want inspiration? here's inspiration.
You guys will be writing sunday coupon ads for a month
If i don't get some brilliant new arc mobile taglines today.
Uh, here they are...
Sire.
Oh.
Thank you. -no problem.
I typed them with one hand.
But other people are gonna jump right to...
Sarah, you got arc mobile lines for me?
What?
No. i'm not ready. you said i had until the end of the day.
You do.
You said "tomorrow" yesterday,
Which means i have until the end of the day today, mason.
End of the day is fine. i- i was just checking.
Well, thank you for checking in, mason. it's nice.
You're welcome.
I'm not ready to present my lines yet.
Take your time.
I'd like them by...4:00.
4:00 is fine.
Good.
Hello?
Mason, it's peter derby.
Oh, hey, peter.
I wasn't expecting --
Yeah, i know.
Look, i'm on my way to the airport,
And i'm going to be out of commission today,
So what have you guys got for me?
Uh, we -- it's --
Um, actually, i was just opening my -- my file.
Hold on. here we go.
Um, "arc mobile -- text this.
"arc mobile -- dial on.
"arc mobile --it's textational.
"arc mobile -- the multitasking multitexter.
Arc mobile -- way beyond the call."
Listen. i appreciate that you're not editing yourself.
Oh, no, i'm -- i'm not, uh --
I'm not finished yet.
Um, hey, peter, could you give me a second just to find my other list?
I've got about five more minutes.
Great.
Come on.
I'm five minutes away.
Derby just called. he needs the lines now.
Now? no, he said tomorrow.
Tomorrow means end of day.
Tomorrow doesn't mean first thing...
He's on the other line, conner, right now.
He's on the other line right now? is he on that line? is he? hi.
Okay, good. great. here's what we'll do.
We'll, uh, settle down and find a-a rhythm.
He's on hold. i don't have time to find a rhythm.
All right. okay, all right, fine. i'm thinking.
Text-messaging. arc mobile.
Text-messaging with one hand. i'm thinking.
Let's see.
I'm thinking... i'm thinking...
I'm thinking.
Okay,
How about this?
"do thumbthing."
How about this?
You're the writer. you do something.
No, no.not "something,"
"thumbthing."
Two words. first word "thumb." do thumbthing.
"thumbthing"? -do thumbthing.
Do thumbthing. do thumbthing.
Do thumbthing! -somebody do thumbthing.
You're the best. thanks, pal.
Hey, peter,
I found that list, and, uh, got a lot of great lines,
But, you know, you're in a hurry, so i think we should just
Go straight for the agency recommendation.
Shoot.
"do thumbthing."
Not "something," "thumbthing."
Two words. first word "thumb."
That's pretty funny.
"do thumbthing."
I like that.
You know, i'm getting nervous again in all the right ways.
Well, we love it, and, you know, it leverages the fact
That people text more than they talk nowadays.
You know, and we can tailor the line for different occasions.
Uh, "do thumbthing fun.
"do thumbthing romantic.
Do thumbthing 'amathing' -- amazing."
Uh, look, mason. i'm at the airport. i've got to go.
But just let me say, i think this is terrific.
I'm really impressed.
That's the way we roll. -what?
That's --
Uh, nothing. thank you.
Yeah!
That's my line.
No, conner. that is someone else's line.
And i just pitched it. no, i just sold it to peter derby.
Sold it? you sold it?
He liked my line.
It's not your line.
You stole it from chip lyons. -i did --
The douche bag? -yes! you --
What? you stole his line!
That's my -- that's my line. that's my line.
This is your line? -that's my line. -repeat after me --
"do thumbthing." -do thumbthing!
I thought of it. i thought of it. i said it out -- that's my line.
I didn't --
Stealing -- stealing is a conscious act.
This is -- this is some kind of subconscious
Unconscious psychic phenomena.
I did not steal it.
Conner. -what?
This line is in a 26-year-old's portfolio --
A portfolio that has been in 30 agencies in the last month.
When the line comes out, everyone is gonna know that you stole it.
I did -- i did not steal it.
I- i subconscioused it. i subbed it.
And you should have stopped me because
You saw the portfolio first!
I'm an art director! i don't pay attention to the words!
Oh!
Oh, that's great! that's great right there!
This kid could sue this agency.
The kid is not gonna sue the agency.
I met the kid. he'll sue.
This is not good.
This is very bad.
Wait, no.
No, it isn't. no, it isn't. it's fine.
It's simple -- simple fix.
You call derby back and rescind the line.
Rescind the line?
Rescind the line. yes.
Why didn't i think of that?
You're welcome.
My first act as creative director is to expose myself to ridicule.
Sarcastic! "hey, buy this line. oh,
On second thought, don't,
"because somebody else already thought of it.
"it's so original, a 26-year-old came up with it,
And we are so freaking lame that we had to steal it from him!"
Oh, who cares what people think anyway?!
The reality is, this was an accident.
Perception is reality, conner.
If people think we did this on purpose, then we did it on purpose.
It doesn't matter how much we try to tell them the truth.
There's only one thing left to do.
What?
Who are you calling?
Are you calling tony? are you calling my parents?
Hey, it's chip. wait for the tone, dawg.
Let's hire this douche.
Chip -- mason mcguire.
What causes damage?
Hair dryers and styling irons soften the keratin in your hair,
And if they're too hot, they can actually cause
The water in your hair to boil.
This forms tiny bubbles of steam inside the hair shaft.
And this is what you end up with --
Surface roughness, breaks, and split ends.
Sarah, can i borrow you for a moment?
Okay, people. let's see what we have here...
I have more lines on my computer.
Oh, i'm not gonna need them. thanks.
What?
We sold a line earlier. i'm sorry.
Peter derby called out of the blue. i looked for you, but you were gone.
What line did you sell?
"do thumbthing" --
Thumbthing is two words. first word "thumb."
I- i get it. it's just like my line from two weeks ago.
Not really.
"let your thumbs do the talking" -- it's like the same thing.
- It's not. - Practically.
- I'm sorry. do you have a patent on the word "thumb"? - It is a very similar line,, Mason.
sarah, i know you're disappointed. i'm gonna make it up to you.
i think i found you a partner.
i'm kind of like this whole package of awesome --
uh, art director, not afraid to write my own stuff.
and you put me with the right partner, i could sell venereal disease to nuns.
that's great. well, sarah's pretty good.
Sarah?
a girl writer?
Sarah Krajicek-Hunter...
the chip lyons.
'sup?
"'sup"?
so, chip, uh, tell me about yourself --
you know, where you're from. who's your homeroom teacher? that kind of thing.
that's -- she's kidding.
well, i'm from cali, and i've been working in austin for about a year and a half now.
yeah, chip thought it was time to move in the big leagues,
so he's in town interviewing for a week.
yeah, i was at ddb this morning,
hitting leo burnett tomorrow, and then i'm off to 'frisco.
that's great, yeah. what accounts have you worked on?
ooh! google me. listen, dudes. i got a lunch thing, so i'm gonna roll.
- thanks for coming in. - hey, like i said,
an honor to have you come in. let me walk you out.
yeah.
okay, are you kidding? you're joking, right? that's a joke.
- am i on "candid camera"? - that kid's a boy genius.
i cannot believe you guys are so interested in hiring that guy.
i mean, you're not as bad as mason. i thought he was gonna start shing his shoes or something.
chip's work is spectacular, and he's got a great book,
and he's not just an art director. he writes the copy, too.
i looked at the book, and i said to myself,
Wow. Wow.
what's wrong? no. is it -- is it -- no?
he said he'd think about it.
think about what?
just telling sarah how great chip's book was.
- think about what? - i offered him the job.
- without consulting me? - why do you think i pulled you out of that meeting?
i don't know, mason. maybe to introduce me to a potential partner who i rejected because --
whom. whom i rejected.
- i have not even seen his book. - it's a great book.
can i see it?
i am getting a little tired of the lack of respect coming out of this group.
- really? - we are tired of it.
well, guess what, mason. the feeling -- it's entirely mutual.
oh, and i'm not working with that guy!
i think those two kids are gonna be great together.
- what if he doesn't take the job? - we'll think of "thumbthing."
- i'm gonna kill you. - i'm just saying. we'll just make sure it doesn't happen.
- how do you propose we do that? - a little sodom and a little gomorrah.
- i told erin i'd be home early tonight. - but duty calls.
we're drinking!
- Chip. - chip off the old block.
- yeah. - that was good.
basically!
- hey, there she is! - there she is.
come on in! grab some booth.
- Ok. - so glad you could make it.
i'm not going.
if you help me convince chip to come work here, i'll give you that window office.
if you don't, i'll see you right back here in this cube tomorrow.
no, no, no, no. that's not the end of the story.
takes her back up to the room --
- what?! yeah, the client!
okay? and i'm try-- trying desperately to explain --
- why i'm not wearing pants! - who wants to do upside-down shots?
- who doesn't? - i'm in!
- my turn! - she's gonna do --
- my turn! - she's doing number three.
- oh, you're kidding me. - look at this, now.
- you know, chip isn't such a douche. - No.
- he's more of a classic asshole. - Mason.
you are santa claus!
christmas is coming early this year.
- what? - Chip Lyons, the lion
is coming to rgm!
- you're taking the job? - i'm taking the job!
- it's a lock! - you are one lucky bastard.
you're one crazy bastard.
- you're a wise young man. - one more!
oh, good. you're not dead.
sorry i woke you.
are you kidding me?
- do not answer that, mason. - i -- oh.
God.
- hello? - Mason.
good news. well, good news and bad news.
- Tom, it's very late. - tell me about it.
good news is, we're not mad at you anymore
for not presenting our arc mobile campaign
and then selling your own instead.
that's great. i'll sleep like a baby. what's the bad news?
that chip guy changed his mind. he's not coming to rgm.
what?! what happened?
relax. we'll tell you all about it when you come bail us out of jail.
unbelievable.
now, chip's the one who throws a punch at a mounted police officer, and we're the ones who get arrested.
- we look badass. - morning.
morning.
Hi.
so...
you know, i think when i move in here, i might move this desk over to that wall,
and then i could just put chip in my old cube. what do you think?
so, now you're okay with him coming to work here?
yeah, whatever.
this wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you made out with him last night, would it?
- how do you know that? - tom and hector told me.
how did they know that?
oh, mason. whatever. come on, man. this is advertising.
it's not the first time two people made out in a bar.
or in an alley.
or wherever.
besides, chip --he's gonna take the job. mission...
...accomplished.
thank you very much.
hardly.
apparently before he punched a horse last night,
chip told tom and hector that the idea of coming here
to work with sarah "psycho-hunter" was suddenly not so appealing.
he turned the job down.
oh.
well...good. that's great.
you know, i only went out last night because you made me.
besides that, there are plenty of other art directors in the world.
- maybe next time if you consult me, then this wouldn't happen. - of course.
that's what this is all about. i didn't consult you.
that's why you sabotaged this?
mason, i didn't mean to sabotage anything, and you put me in a really tough spot.
no, you put yourself in a tough spot. you put me in a worse one.
now, if you'll excuse me, i need to go find my seventh and eighth aspirins.
well, maybe you aren't ready to be creative director.
- i didn't ask for the promotion. - yeah, right. it's what you always wanted.
- it just happened too soon. - too soon? he should have got the promotion two years ago.
it's just a shame that now that he's got it, conner's dragging him down.
- he's an anchor. - he's my partner.
he was your partner. now he's your subordinate who's stealing lines.
he's still my partner.
well, i think it's nice you're going to all that trouble to help your friend.
you're not letting all that power go to your head.
but where has it gotten him?
buddy,
if you want to be treated like the boss, you got to act like the boss.
- what am i supposed to do? - throw conner under the bus.
hey, why should you defend his mistake?
well, i agree. except that as soon as you started covering for him,
it kind of became your mistake, too.
i guess you just got to take your lumps. now, go tell peter the truth.
that you can't handle the new job. you're just not a leader.
- i can be a leader. - oh, i don't know, sweetie.
it seems to me a real leader would have stood up for "what can you do with one hand?"
instead of allowing a bunch of people like us
- to control his fate. - yeah.
Peter? Mason McGuire.
listen, i've been thinking more about "do thumbthing."
so have i. and i got to tell you, it's really sticking with me. it's fun to say, you know?
do thumbthing.
yeah. i love it, too. but, you know, i loved "what can you do with one hand?" and i'm thinking
- maybe we should test it. - focus groups?
- now, who's gonna pay for that? - oh, we will. absolutely. i just --
we want to be smart about this. you know, i love "do thumbthing,"
but i don't want to risk alienating your core customers, so let's do some groups.
nothing big -- a few mall intercepts. just a gut check.
you know, we don't want to get blindsided again.
great. okay.
i'll have gordon set it up at the woodfield facility tonight, huh?
"do thumbthing" proactive.
- i'll talk to you later, Peter. - that's just gonna make it worse.
derby listens to consumers. if they don't like the line, he'll kill it.
- yeah, that's the problem. they're gonna love the line. - i don't think so. in fact...
...i think they're gonna hate it.
the company conducting these focus groups is independent.
they really try to keep their consumer sampling random,
so they're only gonna stop every 5th or 10th person that passes by.
so you're gonna have to be patient is what he's saying.
right, right, but once they do stop you, you're a regular arc mobile customer, okay?
you can use your real age, but lie about our income. make it 60 grand. are you listening to me?
yes. honey, i've got it. we have three kids instead of two, and i don't have
any relatives who have anything to do with marketing or advertising.
- good. - and once you get inside,
it's not enough for you to say you hate the line.
you have to convince the entire focus group they hate it, too.
- okay, but what's the line? - "do thumbthing."
- "do thumbthing"? i like it. - erin, you have to convince them you hate it.
okay, honey. but that could be hard. i mean, it's cute and funny,
and i don't know. i could see it becoming a catchphrase.
just pretend it was my idea. i'm sure you'll find something wrong with it.
- are you looking at my wife's ass? - No!
- it's not gonna work. - it's worth a try.
it's just one focus group, anyway. they're probably doing at least four.
they're doing two -- one male, one female. if we can just get
a 50% failure rate.
you know what?
we can do more.
i'm going in.
kind of taps into the way we live now.
i work at a law firm. i'm raising three kids
basically by myself,
and this ad shows me how i can manage all those different parts of my life.
and that slogan -- "do thumbthing" --
yeah, that is really clever.
- yeah, it's good. - i like it.
man, that's offensive.
"do thumbthing."
- that one hurts. - Steve, tell me why you feel that way.
i will.
i was a fat kid growing up.
i didn't have many friends. i mean, i tried, but...
i had a speech impediment.
- i guess i must not be the target. - what do you mean?
well, when i hear that line, it feels like an accusation.
say more about that, tabitha.
let me tell you about the walk home from school -- torture.
had to walk. couldn't take the bus because of all the teasing.
these kids teased me mercilessly -- mercilessly.
"you 'thuck'! you 'thuck,' fatty. you 'thupid' 'thack' of 'thit.'"
i cried so hard, i thought i'd pass out.
and when they saw that, they saw how much it hurt, then they were all over me.
"oh, 'thorry,' 'theve.' you 'jackath.'
"you 'disguth' me."
do something -- you know, like -- like i'm lazy.
even though i'm scrambling around trying to raise...
three kids, and i'm trying to redo the house,
not to mention that my husband has me on this budget.
he calls it the austerity program.
- "the austerity program"? - i know.
you're kidding me. right? it's ridiculous. anyway...
how did you... get over your...lisp?
speech classes. same classes...
...that my son's now taking.
he's 6. No, no...
he's -- he's fine. he's doing great. well, he's doing as best as he can.
so, anyway, after all that, to have this commercial
about these big, important businessmen
and their superhuman abilities to do everything
while some nanny or some daycare raises their kids -- i mean,
sorry. no offense, susan, but...
to think that all their problems can be solved with just the flick of a thumb?
i mean, i don't find that clever. i find it insulting.
- she's right. - she has a point.
yeah.
anyway, i don't want my son, or anybody else's son,
or anybody else's kid to end up being a punch line for an ad.
anyway, you know what?
i text with my fingers. you know, i kind of use my whole hand.
Forse il tizio delle spot dovrebbe pensare a questo.
maybe the ad guy should think about that. maybe highlight what you can do with one hand.
maybe pose it as a question. "what can you do with one hand?"
that'll protect our children.
Tony.
gordon just told me the arc mobile line is dead.
- yeah, yeah. it didn't test very well. - yeah, focus groups, huh?
get you every time. oh, i'd stay and download, but i got
a parent/teacher conference.
5-year-olds have parent/teacher conferences. believe that crap?
yeah, i remember. hey, don't worry too much hey, don't worry too much. we'll come up with something.
always do.
kind of have to now, don't we?
Mason! Mason? hi. hi, hi, hi.
look, i know you think that i tried to screw things up with chip, but i didn't.
i think i just got a little carried away and maybe i freaked him out a little bit by kissing him,
but i had had a lot to drink, and i don't even think it was about the kiss so much as the fact
that i kept comparing him to my ex-husband and how much
tongue-ier of a kisser chip is. he's like a lizard, that one.
but, anyway, i went to his hotel to say, "hey, guess what, chip.
"the kiss wasn't about you. that kiss was about me,"
and guess who i found.
Chip.
hey, what's up, buddy?
so, uh, sarah talked me into reconsidering your offer.
and chip is all in.
i'm not.
i'm looking for people who'll put the group first, not themselves.
and you, chip, you're in it for chip,
not the group, not your partner, not the clients. you're in it for yourself.
and me...
i don't want to be in the chip business.
so...
you have yourself a safe trip back to cali.
your loss.
okay. this is starting to get real irritating.
Sarah, you deserve better than that ass,
and you deserve to have a say in who i hire to be your partner.
so...
have a look through these, see if there's anybody in there you'd like to meet,
and i'll do my best to hire them.
just hang on a sec. it's gonna take me a minute to switch gears from being totally pissed at you to --
you're welcome.
thanks.
www.addic7ed.com
::Italian Subs Addicted::
ha! yes!
see? come on.
you look good in here. it suits you.
i got to admit. it is a nice view.
yeah. yeah.
hello, chicago!
that's great, isn't it? so, what -- what was it?
what made you suddenly decide to change your mind, take the big office?
you kidding me?
i kept a disgruntled employee
partnerless, managed to get a brilliant tagline killed.
i had a good day. i earned this.
yeah.
yeah, you certainly did.
hey, about the line, uh...
well, look.
you know, i mean --
- i -- well, thanks for -- - conner, shut up.
we're partners. it's what we do.
Partners...
speaking of partners.
remember these two guys?
- Oh, god. - going to change advertising.
i haven't seen this in years.
- let's never wear kilts again. - agreed.
they don't look so bad.
oh, it's stan -- brand manager on dove.
i got to take this.
yeah. yeah, yeah. absolutely. big office, right?
big phone calls, right?
yeah. okay, good. well, if you need me, you know,
- right down the hall. - thanks, pal.
it's mason. hi, stan.
uh, no, amy's not got the -- the results of the brief spectiva yet,
but it -- it went well. i'm sure -- i'm sure --
that's what we do.