- [whimpers] - Shh. It's gonna be okay.
[whimpering]
- What happened? - Jeremy died this morning.
- [gasps] - No.
Jeremy died?
Jer... the tall guy? He was so young.
Oh, I called it. You can't be that tall and live.
No. [chokes up]
Not stupid, tall Jeremy.
I wish he'd die.
My bird Jeremy.
One day he was alive, and then the next...
[sobs]
[sighs]
I had him since he was a little...
[holding back sobs]
[snorts]
[sobbing]
Bird? Little bird?
She was probably gonna say "little bird."
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[Chatter] ♪ ♪
I'm sure he's in a better place.
Right, Mateo?
Yeah, I bet he's in bird heaven.
You think so? But he was so violent.
Damn, man, I tried to get it off,
but no one would cover my shift.
I would've stayed home, but Emma needs braces
and they just cut back on Adam's hours at work,
so I need the money.
Hey, maybe it won't be so bad. Just got to let it happen.
What's going on? What's today?
Oh, you don't know. - K-know what?
Know this.
Hmm.
Oh, thought I heard the music. Guess I timed it wrong.
It's Color Wars!
Whoo. [all groan]
What's Color Wars?
Two teams... one gold, one red...
And whoever sells the most by the end of the day wins.
Please, I'm not in the mood.
What do we win?
Oh, this year the winning team gets...
[imitates drumroll]
A pizza party.
[all groan]
Sometimes I just want to get in my car
and drive and drive, drive.
Buckle your seat belt,
because you are about to experience Cloud 9
as you have never experienced it before.
[indistinct chatter]
[sighs]
Hey, Dina, what you doing over here in the bleachers?
It's Color Wars.
Do birds go to Heaven?
No, they don't have souls.
They just become dirt.
- Oh. - Okay?
Okay.
Hey, if it would cheer you up,
you could help me plan the pizza party.
What's there to plan? You're just buying a pizza.
No, that's a pizza dinner.
The word "party" changes things.
There are certain expectations.
I mean, I could do it on my own,
but it'd be way more fun to do with you.
[clears throat]
All right, I'll help you with the stupid party.
But wait. Not if you don't want to.
Well, you've begged me, so, yeah, I'll help you,
but I got to say, I've got some major problems with your ideas.
You haven't even heard them yet.
I've heard them for years. They always suck.
No, they don't.
Which ones?
All right, now, when you check out,
they're gonna ask you if you were helped by someone
on the Red Team or the Gold Team.
This next part's very important.
I do not care.
[indistinct chatter]
No one's into the contest.
I don't think the promise of pizza has the same effect
it had on us when we were kids.
It's a pizza party.
Besides, that's not the only prize.
Everyone on the winning team gets $100.
- What? - Yeah.
Why didn't you tell us that before?
I was saving it.
I wanted to have a nice surprise incentive
for the end of the day.
No, you have to tell people about incentives beforehand.
Oh, okay.
Well, should I tell people, then?
Should I make an announcement?
Um, I can. I can do it.
Each member of the winning team takes home...
$100.
[all gasp]
I could really use that money.
I've been saving up for one of those 3D ultrasounds...
You know, the one where the baby's all like...
And the best part is that the Red Team
doesn't even know about the money.
- Jonah? - I'm sorry. Just... I don't...
I-I am a little uncomfortable pushing people
to buy things that they don't want or need.
- [all groan] - Seriously? Just stop it.
I will kill myself before I go back to 2D ultrasound, okay?
I will kill myself.
- Withdrawn. - Okay.
Let's stick to departments that play to our strengths.
Jenny, cosmetics is not your...
[clears throat]
- Hey... - All: Hey.
What's up, girl? [chuckles awkwardly]
[vending machine whirring]
Oh, just...
[bill scratching]
[scoffs]
[vending machine whirring]
I was putting it in wrong.
♪ All I want to do is have fun with my loved ones ♪
♪ The thug ones, relatives, and my cousins ♪
♪ And I got them by the dozens ♪
♪ When they buzzin', quick to say [...] your husband ♪
♪ This is for my [...] locked away ♪
♪ Extra love for the ones who ain't got no date ♪
♪ But when we hit checkmate with Ice Cube the great ♪
♪ As soon as I get a word, we can rush the safe ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Freaky gyration is close to fornication ♪
♪ ♪
Wow. Looks like you guys are doing pretty good.
What? Oh, pssh. Whatever. okay.
Looks like somebody's taking the competition
a little too seriously all of a sudden.
I can't believe you're even looking at the board, Garrett.
Well, I wasn't.
I just turned my head, and my eyeballs went with it.
That's how faces work,
but it looks like you were studying it pretty closely.
Um, okay, whatever you say.
I'm gonna go chill in the break room.
Lates.
"Lates"?
Hey, Mateo, you notice anything funny about this?
- Big guy, tiny shirt... - Classic. I already Instagrammed it.
No, I mean, why is the Gold Team selling so hard?
I don't know.
Let me do a little investigating.
Ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow.
There's a $100 prize for the winning team.
Thank you very much.
[exhaling deeply]
Obviously, don't have sex with any of the customers,
but if a man is under the impression,
however misguided, that the more he buys,
the less impossible it might be that he could have sex with you,
well, that's on him.
But, uh, you're a lady, and I respect you.
Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers,
we'd like to welcome the members
of our Second Chances Program in the gold T-shirts.
If you'd prefer to work with someone
who hasn't committed a violent crime,
our red-shirted employees
will be more than happy to help out.
Yes, the Cloud 9 Second Chances Program...
'cause knowledge is worth 100 bucks.
[Edwin Starr's "War"]
♪ Huh, yeah ♪ ♪ What is good for? ♪
♪ Absolutely nothing, say it again, y'all ♪
♪ War ♪ ♪ Huh, huh, good God ♪
Dina, we have to prioritize.
We don't need a piñata.
Piñatas are awesome.
You're hitting things, eating candy, taking turns.
what more do you want?
Our party budget is only $60,
and the tiny clown alone is $40.
We don't need a tiny clown.
I already agreed to cut the fat clown, remember?
So pretty soon this party is gonna have zero clowns.
Is that what you want... A party with zero clowns?
This one's twice as much,
but it comes with a built-in bean hopper.
Yeah, I-I doubt you'd ever use most of these features.
Are you sure?
'Cause I'm leaning toward the expensive one,
and I can't stress enough, money is no object.
Honestly, unless you're, like, a barista,
I think you're better off with just a regular auto-drip.
All right, I guess I'll spend the difference on lotto tickets,
although, realistically, what are my chances of winning twice?
Jonah, so the Red Team knows about the money now,
so it's time for the Gold Team to stop pussyfooting around.
I'm not doing that with my feet.
I-I just have trouble pressuring people
into buying stuff they don't need.
Well, that's selfish.
Actually, I think it's the opposite of selfish.
Come on, Jonah, you're better than this.
Look at the Red Team. Brett just sold a shelf.
Not the items on the shelf... He sold an actual shelf.
Yeah, well, that's Brett. Guy's a machine.
Okay, look...
money's a little tight for me right now.
So maybe $100 doesn't mean that much to you,
but some of us could really use it.
So can you please start selling people crap they don't need?
Oh, no, no, no.
Believe me... that bean hopper has come in handy
more times than I can count.
That's what I said.
- Gold pride? - Gold pride.
Don't take "No" for an answer.
And then in blue icing, have it say, "Congratulations."
Got that?
No, not "Congratulations. Got that?"
Just "Congratulations."
No, I don't want you to write "Congratulations. Got that?
"No, not 'Congratulations. Got that?'
Just 'Congratulations.'"
- What do I do here? - He doesn't know English.
He's just transcribing phonetically.
Well, what language does he speak?
You hired him.
That's why, if it was up to me, I'd fire half the staff.
No, don't put that on the cake.
Need some help with the grill?
Uh, no, no, no, no. I'm just browsing.
I already got the base model.
Ah.
She's a beaut, huh?
- Yeah. - She's a-a real beaut.
Believe me... I wish I could afford it,
but, I mean,
how much am I gonna really use a motorized rotisserie burner?
I use mine all the time.
It's... it's gotten me out of some pretty crazy jams.
Are you a... you a grill guy?
So much.
Okay. Charcoal or gas?
If you need to ask, then you are not a grill guy.
- Yes, exactly. That's good. - Yeah. Yeah.
I should use that in one of my videos.
Your, uh... what videos?
I do these... these grilling videos on YouTube.
It's not a... it's not a big deal or anything.
Sounds like a big deal to me.
- I got nine subscribers. - What?
I don't even know three of them.
- Wow. - Total strangers. Yeah.
That's, uh... I guess, then, one could say
you almost need this.
Yeah, maybe, maybe. Let me run it by my wife.
I think she's around here somewhere, and I'll...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on. Come on.
Uh, let's not... [clears throat]
Let's not bring a lady into this, right?
This is guy stuff...
You know, grills, football,
cars, porn.
Yeah, I'll just... I'll, uh... I'll call her.
Yeah, all right.
You think you're a bigger Minions fan than me?
I don't think so, 'cause if you were,
you would have a Minions blanket
and a Minions night-light
and some Minions candy
and this princess thing.
[cell phone vibrates]
One second. Hey, babe, what's up?
Uh, yeah, yeah, I just wanted to run something by you.
Oh, I'm really busy right now. Can it wait?
Well, I was just at home, and I realized
we were out of AA batteries, so I had the...
Oh, AA batteries. I'll bring some home.
Okay, I love you, bye.
That was the head Minion,
and he told me to tell you to tell your mom
to get you a new Xbox.
Um, she couldn't talk. [chuckles]
Well...
it's, uh, not like you didn't try, right?
- Yeah. - Huh?
- Yeah, I tried. - Yeah.
- Let's do this. - Okay.
- Yeah. - All right.
- Yeah. - Look out, cookout.
[chuckles] What?
My Nana used to say that all the time.
Trust me, you don't want the RX 5.
The Vilano Forza's the way to go.
The RX 5 got five spokes on RoadPro,
and it's half the price.
- Mm, okay. - What's that mean?
[sighs] Look, man, I used to own the 5, okay?
And it was good...
till the pedals came loose
when I was crossing a busy street.
Oh, I... Oh, I'm sorry.
But, hey, you know what?
I like to focus on the positive.
I'll ring you up for the RX-5.
Actually, let's go with the Vilano.
Hell, yeah!
And let's get you one of these fancy racer helmets too.
"I wish I had a better helmet" was my first full sentence
when they taught me how to speak again.
♪ All our times have come ♪
The woman is a maid.
She needs to do what I tell her to do.
How will you be paying?
I just said, "You can quit if you want",
but I can call INS if I want."
That shut her up.
I don't know. Something about her car catching on fire.
The point is, she was late.
So call an Uber. Exactly.
I mean, she walked all the way here from Guatemala,
but she can't make it a couple of miles across town?
Place the ribs at a direct heat
and let them cook for almost two hours.
I love this.
- Oh. - Yeah.
Thanks. Thanks.
Yeah, I hate it on cooking shows how they start a dish
and then they cut to later after it's cooked.
Yeah.
So all my videos are done in real time.
You never see that.
No, and you know what?
This'll be even better in 4K Ultra HD, huh?
Oh, I don't know.
That seems like a lot to spend on a hobby.
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Stop calling this a hobby.
- This is a career. - Yeah?
My wife kind of thinks my videos are stupid.
Well, no offense, but I kind of think your wife is stupid.
Oh, nice. Yeah. [both laugh]
But, you know, she probably wouldn't be very happy
if I spend any more money right now.
Hey, what about what makes you happy?
You need to give yourself permission
to do something for yourself, just for once.
That's true.
- Yeah. - Huh?
That's true, yes.
Yes? Yes.
- Yes to that? - I'm gonna do it.
- Yes. - Yes.
Why should she get time off?
I don't get time off from being a stepmom.
[Amy sighs]
How's it going?
[sighs] Not so great.
Brett sold the nacho-cheese dispenser from the cafe.
The man knows how to close. How does he do it?
I don't know. And you know what?
This is not gonna help,
but I was this close to making a $1,000 sale,
and then I opened my big, fat mouth
and talked him into spending $2,000.
- Shut up. No way. - I did what you said.
I did not take "No" for an answer.
- Oh, my God. - And every time
I felt bad for the guy, I just thought,
"Hey, look, it's either coming out of his pocket or Amy's."
Yes! Oh, my God, I love you so much right now.
Um, get back to work.
Okay.
- [sighs] I hate balloons. - Well, we need them.
Balloons are like our souls.
They want to go up, but can't,
and when you pop them, they scream.
Okay, I thought we were throwing this party together,
but, sure, let's only get things that are important to Glenn.
God forbid we splurge on a piñata
for the lady who woke up to her dead best friend
and then had to sneak him into her neighbor's garbage can
before trash pickup.
[whimpers]
Okay. You really want a piñata?
I have an idea.
Oh, who cares? I have ideas all the time.
"I wish I would've bought a Vitamix"
was the first thing I said when I woke up from my coma.
Could save your life, man.
How exactly did a non Vitamix blender put you in a coma?
That's a very offensive question
to ask a disabled person.
Oh, Amy's husband's here.
Oh, wow. That is not what I...
So is he, like, a... Like, a really funny guy
or a musician or something?
I don't think so. I think he makes grill videos.
[scoffs]
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.
And then we just fill it up again with candy.
Yeah, I know how a piñata works.
Thanks. This was a good idea.
Aw.
Hey, this stuffing looks like clouds.
We could use this as, uh, decorations for the party.
Cloud 9!
Look at us working together,
riffing off each other's ideas, huh?
It's kind of like jazz, you know?
[scatting awkwardly]
[scatting]
Yeah. Yeah, go, go, go.
[scatting]
[scatting awkwardly]
Xylophone sound.
♪ We're jazzin', we're snazzin' ♪
[both scatting]
- Hey. - Hey.
I don't think you should buy this stuff.
Huh? You just said that I should.
Yeah, but then I realized,
what if part of the lightning in the bottle
you were able to capture in those videos
was actually the old-school grill, right?
Uh, I don't think that's true.
Sure, sure. You know what?
Hey, how about this? how about this?
You head out to the car,
and I'm gonna bring this stuff out to you.
Oh, I still got to pay for it, so...
- It's on me. - What?
I would like to pay for this... all of it.
What, you mean you want to, like, invest?
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
I want to get in on the ground floor.
You know what? Partners?
Well, what percentage are we talking?
Ah, you... whatever you think is fair.
We can talk about it later.
No, no, no, no. I don't think so.
I mean, that's how people get in trouble.
I could see maybe going 80-20.
Uh, 80 20 is a deal. You got yourself a deal.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I just... I'm not sure I want to give up that kind of equity.
I don't need equity.
I just need you to get out of here before...
- Adam? - That happens.
We can't afford a grill right now.
But we can afford for you to take
all the college classes in the world.
Excuse me?
This is not Adam's fault. This is my fault.
Jonah, stay out of this.
Those college courses are gonna help me
make more money for us.
So will the videos. Jonah's already invested.
I wouldn't use the word "invested."
We're 90 10 partners.
I thought you said 80 20?
Stop it, Jonah.
For once in my life,
I want to give myself permission to do something for myself.
For once in your life, Adam?
- Yes. - Come on.
- What about the kickboxing gym... - Yeah.
- Or the Reggaeton album... - Ooh.
And the home brewed beer?
Wow. That is so low that you would bring that up.
- That is still aging. - It smells.
Yeah? Jonah says I have potential.
What about that?
Oh, oh, that's what Jonah says?
Tell her.
Um, sorry, ma'am?
Crock-Pots?
Yes, Crock-Pots are just over here.
[Glenn and Dina scatting]
♪ Many hands make for less work for everyone ♪
[scatting]
Both: ♪ Teamwork ♪
Oh, come on, guys, I mean...
[light applause]
So who won?
Gold Team won, Myrtle.
He's told you that, like, six times.
Victory is sweet. Hoo hoo.
But you know what?
The real victory is that we did it together.
- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.
Wait. You're on the Red Team.
I'm on the Take One of Each T-shirt Team.
[chuckles]
This feels about right as the ending to the day.
[sighs] Yeah.
Is your husband still here?
No, he went home.
He seems nice.
[chuckles]
Yeah, he is.
Hey, uh, I'm really sorry about...
It's not your fault.
So how'd you guys meet?
I don't really want to talk about my home life.
Got it.
I was in high school, and he was a football player.
"You hired him.
That's why, if it was up to me, I'd fire half the staff.
No, don't put that on the cake. Glenn, make him stop. See?
Not so cocky now, are you, Dina?
I swear to God, one of these days,
I'm going to strangle you.
I'd like to see...
you try.
Is that a threat? You threatened me."
Is it working?
- synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com -