Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com
Okay. Our special holiday family and friends night is coming up Christmas Eve,
and we think it would be really fun to perform a song we all write together.
So let's throw out words that make us think of Christmas.
Anybody?
Christmas!
(Chuckles)
Okay, Herman, the word Christmas does make me think of Christmas.
Uh, anybody else?
(Gasps)
Christmas.
Yeah, Dez, that's already on the list.
Aw.
What about something like mistletoe?
Or sleigh bells.
Or presents.
More specifically, the cheetah print handbag I emailed you all about.
Several times.
Anybody else?
Lily, you're awfully quiet.
What word comes to your mind when you think of Christmas?
Lousy.
Lousy?
That doesn't sound very Christmassy to me.
Well, maybe she meant lousy as in lousy the reindeer?
There's no reindeer named lousy.
She's right. It's drowsy.
There's no reindeer named drowsy either.
Oh, yeah. I'm thinking of the dwarves.
You know, goldilocks and the three dwarves.
Lousy, drowsy, and Jim.
Guys, we're trying to write a song here.
Christmas is about happiness and being with the people you love.
Yeah, Lily. Why would you say it's lousy?
I just think Christmas is overrated.
People make too big of a deal out of it, and it's really not that great.
It's lousy.
♪ We wish you a lousy Christmas ♪
♪ we wish you a lousy Christmas ♪
♪ and an overrated new year ♪
I think Lily's on to something.
(Theme music playing)
♪ When the crowd wants more ♪
♪ I bring on the thunder ♪
♪ 'cause you've got my back ♪
♪ and I'm not going under ♪
♪ you're my point, you're my guard ♪
♪ you're the perfect chord ♪
♪ and I see our names together on every billboard ♪
♪ we're headed for the top, we've got it on lock ♪
♪ we'll make 'em say "hey!" ♪
♪ and we'll keep rockin' ♪
♪ oh, there's no way I could make it without ya ♪
♪ do it without ya, be here without ya ♪
♪ it's no fun when you're doing it solo ♪
♪ with you it's like, "whoa," yeah, and I know ♪
♪ I own this dream ♪
♪ 'cause I got you with me ♪
♪ there's no way I could make it without ya ♪
♪ do it without ya, be here without ya. ♪
I'm so excited to see Santa!
Oh, there he is!
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas!
I can't wait to get my picture with Santa.
I've been posing in the same outfit every year since I was three months old.
Guess who got promoted as Santa's head elf?
You got promoted?
What? It's Christmas, not April fool's day.
It's true.
Ever since gumdrop quit, Santa had no choice but to give me the job.
Oh, what's your elf name?
Jingletoes.
- (Laughs) - (Bells jingle)
Hey, kids, you're not supposed to eat the candy canes!
They're styrofoam!
Ah, what do I care?
I want to work for Santa.
I bet I would be great at elfing!
Me too.
(Gasps)
Do you think Santa would hire us?
I can whittle toys from wood. See?
What the heck is that?
A choo-choo train.
Choo-choo! Chugga chugga chugga.
Ah! Splinter.
Fine, you're hired.
But you have to do whatever the head elf says.
Even if it seems ridiculous and completely unrelated to the job.
(Both gasp)
Both: Yes!
Okay, twerps. Santa's got some jobs for you to do.
Gingerbread, put the head back on the snowman.
Marshmallow, go make me a sandwich.
I'm on it! I'm great at making sandwiches.
He's not.
If you need me, I'll be in the sleigh listening to music.
Aren't you supposed to be taking photos?
Sorry, can't hear you!
(Chuckles)
Hey, Santa! I'm gingerbread.
You can call me ginger, or bread, or gingerbread.
(Chuckles) Well, it is very nice to meet you, gingerbread.
I just want to say how happy I am to join the team.
Here, I whittled you this.
Oh! What a beautiful...
Uh... um...
It's a choo-choo train.
Oh.
(Sighs)
Okay, when Lily gets here we need to get her in the holiday spirit.
It's weird that she's not more excited about Christmas.
Yeah.
I've seen that girl get excited over getting a curly fry mixed in with her regular fries.
She talked about it for a month.
Trish, shouldn't you be working at the north pole right now?
Please, I've got nothing to worry about.
I'm Santa's head elf.
Guess who just got promoted to Santa's head elf?
What the holly are you talking about?
Santa and I have gotten really close.
When it comes to Christmas, we share the same vision.
And also, you weren't there.
Wait.
So does this mean you're my boss now?
Just so you know, I'm gonna be late today.
And everyday.
Hi, guys.
Lily!
I am so glad you're here.
Before we start your lesson, let's do something fun and Christmassy.
No, that's okay.
Come on! Wanna help us bake some cookies for Santa?
No, thanks.
Good call.
Santa's doing that whole no-carb thing till the 24th.
Well...
What if we cut up some carrots for Santa's reindeer?
I don't think so.
Ugh. I wouldn't do that.
Carrots give the reindeer gas.
Especially Rudolph.
They always sing about his shiny nose but never his stinky butt.
Dez, you're not helping.
It's okay.
Can we just have our lesson and play something that's not
the Christmas song we've been writing?
No!
We need to get you in the Christmas spirit.
And I know just the jolly fat man to cheer you up.
Oh, good idea.
My Uncle Joe is great with kids.
No, Dez. She's obviously talking about Santa.
Oh, that makes more sense.
My Uncle Joe's gonna be pretty disappointed.
Hey.
Ho, ho, ho!
Oh, little girl, now tell Santa what would you like for Christmas?
Nothing.
Come now. Everybody wants something.
Yeah, like a cheetah print handbag.
Heh. Yes, yes, we get it, jingletoes.
We all saw the email.
But right now we are talking about Lily.
Well...
There is something I want,
but there's no way you can get it for me.
Santa can get you anything, Lily.
Yeah, tell him what you want.
Fine.
All I want for Christmas is for my dad to come home,
but he's volunteering in Ecuador, so that's not going to happen.
I wish we could just skip Christmas.
Think she wants an eight by ten of this?
No?
(Sighs)
I feel terrible about Lily.
I can't believe her dad isn't coming home for Christmas.
Guys, don't worry.
I know how to make her feel better.
Gingerbread's got this.
Hey, Lily.
What you asked Santa for is a really tough order.
Yeah, but that doesn't mean it can't still be a great Christmas.
And we can still have fun.
Right. So what you need to understand is
Santa will definitely get your dad home for Christmas.
Really?
All: Really?
Yeah. I'm Santa's right-hand man now,
and together we can make anything happen.
Oh my gosh!
Thank you, gingerbread!
This is gonna be the best Christmas ever!
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ daddy's coming home ♪
Dez!
What did you do? You can't promise her that.
I said I'd make her feel better, and I did. Whoo!
I'm so excited my dad's gonna be here for family and friends night!
I'm gonna make him an ornament.
(Exhales)
Are you sure you don't want something more special for Christmas?
Something money can buy?
Like a yacht?
No, I really just want my dad.
That's what'll make it the perfect Christmas!
Oh!
That's a good idea for our song.
Perfect Christmas.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Hey, Austin. Can I talk to you for a sec?
Guess who just saved Christmas?
Pack your bags, we're going to Ecuador.
Oh, I've never been to Canada.
Ecuador is in South America.
(Chuckles) I know.
I'm just saying I've never been to Canada.
We're going to the physicians without fences base where Lily's dad volunteers.
In Ecuador, which as everyone knows is in South America.
Right.
Anyway, I realized that there are a lot of doctors there
who are missing their families and need cheering up.
So I arranged for us to do a special holiday performance for all of them.
So we're gonna be in South America for Christmas?
How does that help Lily?
No! No! We'll be home before Christmas.
I worked it out so that after we perform,
we get to bring Lily's dad home with us.
Do you think my dad would like pink glitter on his ornament
or hot pink glitter?
What grown man doesn't like hot pink glitter?
Oh, great.
Because I made you this.
Oh! (Chuckles)
A headband.
A hot pink glittery headband.
Thank you.
Put it on.
(Whistle blows)
Twinkles, more bells!
Tinsel, more cheer!
(Sobs)
Elf up, tinsel.
There's no crying in Santa's village.
Marshmallow, those candy cane socks need to be knee high!
Pull them up!
Or I'll throw you in the brig!
You mean the gingerbread house?
Just pull them up.
Where's Jingletoes?
(Whistle blows)
On your feet, snow maggot!
Sheesh. Ever since you got promoted, you've been acting like a drill sergeant.
How would you know? All you've done is sleep.
Yeah, but your constant yelling keeps waking me up.
Santa's work is serious business.
We have t-minus 24 hours until operation Christmas.
Now hustle up.
I need you to scrape the gum off the candy cane fence
and clean up the reindeer poop.
We don't have a reindeer.
Oh. Well, something pooped back there.
So clean it up!
I'll get right on that.
Oh!
I think I hear Santa calling you.
(Gasps) You better hurry.
It might be an "elf-mergency."
Great giggling gumdrops!
I'm coming Santa.
All right, elves.
Gingerbread has gone too far.
And I am sick of it!
Yeah! He said he's gonna put me on Santa's naughty list
just 'cause I handed out non-regulation candy canes.
Time for this gingerbread to crumble.
Oh, good.
You made it.
It was just a quick five hour flight.
And a four hour ride on a chicken truck.
(Chuckles) Then a hike for three hours -through the jungle. -Yeah.
And then we canoed down a ten mile river.
Well, the important thing is you're here.
I'm Dr. salt, the charity coordinator.
We spoke on the phone.
Hey, is that a chicken bone in your hair?
Probably.
How is it that we took the exact same trip
and you look like that and I look like this?
You fell into that swamp and I didn't.
- Yeah. -Plus...
That howler monkey really took a liking to you.
So, are you ready to start?
I know I am.
Oh! Oh!
I was hoping you could open with "heart beat."
You know, 'cause we're doctors.
Huh? Huh!
What's up, physicians without fences?
Yeah!
(Audience cheers)
Both: ♪ I can get your heart beat beat, beat, beating like ♪
♪ I can get your heart beat beating like that ♪
♪ and a partridge in a pear tree ♪
♪ on the 13th day of Christmas ♪
No, no, no. There's only 12. We're done.
Oh.
Thank you, Ecuador!
Which is in South America.
(Audience cheering)
That was great. Thank you.
We don't get much music up here.
Well, doctor Roberts does some karaoke, but it's pretty brutal. (Chuckles)
Linda, wait!
You're great at other things, like appendectomies!
Anyway, your concert cheered us up and made our Christmas feel special.
Well, we wanted to thank you for helping out with our student, Lily.
She's gonna be so excited when we bring her dad home for the holidays.
Oh... about that...
I probably should have said this earlier.
Lily's dad isn't here.
Both: What?
He got an emergency phone call this morning.
He had to leave on a special medical mission.
Well, when is he coming back?
I'm sorry, I have no idea.
It could be days, it could be weeks.
Could it be minutes?
Nope, just days or weeks.
So we came all this way and now we have to go home empty-handed?
We got Lily's hopes up for nothing.
Looks like we just ruined a little girl's Christmas.
Hey!
The outgoing canoe doesn't leave for another two hours.
You guys wanna hang out, do some karaoke?
♪ I can get your heart beat, heart beat ♪
♪ I can get your heart beat beating like that ♪
♪ I can get your heart beat heart beat heart beat ♪
♪ way to beat it, beat it, beat it... ♪
...49, 50!
Disgraceful!
You should be able to load that sleigh in 30 seconds, tops.
Again!
Where in the blitzen have you been?
The elves and I have had enough!
And we're taking back control.
This is a merry, merry mutiny.
You're going down, gingerbread!
That's it, you're all going on Santa's naughty list.
Santa's elves are always nice.
(Gasps)
Attack!
Oh, oh, oh!
Don't do that!
(Screams)
I've been hit, I've been hit!
(Screaming)
What the ho, ho, ho is going on?
Jingletoes, marshmallow, this is very un-elf-like behavior.
I'm afraid you have to hand in your bells.
Aw!
But I love being an elf.
Don't worry, kid.
The first time getting fired is always the hardest, but it'll get easier.
Santa, wait!
It's not their fault.
It's mine.
I just wanted Christmas to be perfect
and I ended up acting like a real scrooge.
I'm sorry.
Please don't put them on the naughty list.
(Chuckles)
Well, well, well, gingerbread, what Christmas is really all about is the...
I don't have time for this.
You know what? It's Christmas Eve, got lots of presents to deliver.
Figure this out yourselves.
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
So does this mean I'm still an elf?
Hey, no one could replace you, marshmallow.
Yes!
I'm sorry, guys.
I guess I got a little out of control.
Maybe it's the Christmas spirit talking, but I forgive you.
I know you were just trying to be good at your job.
I don't understand it, but I can respect it.
Thanks, Jingletoes.
Hey, look, you two are under the mistletoe!
(Both screaming)
What are you waiting for?
The sooner you tell Lily her dad isn't coming, the better.
(Sighs)
I know.
Come on, Ally. Time to break a little girl's heart.
And then give her these gifts to dull the pain.
That's what my parents did when my hamster died.
They got me a bike.
I cry every time I ride it.
Hey, Lily!
Can we talk to you for a second?
Sure.
Sometimes we want something so badly,
and it feels like it's the most important thing in the world,
but when you look at the big picture...
Your dad's not coming home.
Merry Christmas!
What?
I am so sorry! We really tried.
Ho, ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Oh, I'm just making a quick stop to drop off a very special present
for a very special little girl.
Daddy!
Santa, how did you do it?
Oh, well...
Bringing someone home from a far-off country,
well, that is a tall order even for Santa.
Luckily, I had the help of my head elf.
- Dez? - (Santa chuckles)
It's true!
But Dr. salt told us that Lily's dad was off on a special mission.
Yeah, this was it.
A special mission to heal a little girl's broken heart.
I set it all up.
Uh, why didn't you tell us?
We literally fought off wild animals in the jungle.
I did tell you.
I said Santa and I were gonna bring home Lily's dad.
I just had to make a couple calls, charge a plane ticket to your credit card,
and voila! Here he is!
This is the best Christmas ever!
Thanks for helping Santa, gingerbread.
Can we do our song now?
I'm not getting any younger.
That's a great idea.
Thank you for coming to our special holiday family and friends night.
Now Austin, Ally, and the kids would like to dedicate
a special song they wrote to Lily and her dad.
(Band plays instruments)
♪ Holidays are made for ♪
♪ happiness and cheer ♪
♪ ringing sleigh bells means a special time is near ♪
♪ when I see the snow fall all around the tree ♪
♪ that's the only gift I want this Christmas ♪
♪ when I wrote up my wish list ♪
♪ to Santa claus this year ♪
Austin and Ally: ♪ I told him you're the one I'm missing ♪
♪ and now that you're here ♪
♪ this is a perfect Christmas ♪
♪ and I have all I need ♪
♪ now I know what it means ♪
♪ to have a perfect Christmas ♪
♪ everyone's side by side ♪
♪ living the dream of my ♪
♪ perfect Christmas ♪
♪ oh, perfect Christmas ♪
♪ let's unwrap the presents ♪
♪ watch movies all night long ♪
♪ you wear that ugly sweater ♪
♪ we'll sing Christmas songs ♪
♪ we can build a snowman ♪
♪ stories round the fireplace ♪
♪ cover the house with lights ♪
Both: ♪ catch every last snowflake ♪
All: ♪ this is a perfect Christmas ♪
♪ and I have all I need ♪
♪ now I know what it means ♪
♪ to have a perfect Christmas ♪
♪ everyone's side by side ♪
♪ living the dream of my ♪
♪ perfect Christmas ♪
- (Music ends) - (Audience cheers)
You open yours first.
No, you open yours first.
- No, you open... - No...
Oh, for the love of fruitcake, just open them.
Okay.
No way!
My favorite photo of us!
Wait, it's my favorite photo of us.
I swear, if you guys get any cuter, next year we're cancelling Christmas.
Trish, you go next.
The cheetah print handbag I emailed you all about?
How did you know?
Oh, there's one more for you, Dez.
It's from Santa.
Aw, Santa must have carved that for you.
Well, he better go back to carving school.
What the heck is this?
Uh, it's obviously a train.
(Scoffs)
Mine are better.
♪ Perfect Christmas ♪