Previously on The Awesomes:
Awesomes, I've come to warn you. Mr. Awesome is evil.
He must be stopped.
And that is why I have decided to run for president.
Why is he running for president?
He already has the power to do whatever he wants
without winning some dumb election.
That's what I thought, but then I remembered
there is one reason he would need to win an election:
the Destroyo Bullet.
If your blood is an 80% genetic match or above,
that should make your blood strong enough
to cancel out the serum.
[beeps]
Higher than I thought it would be.
What if we use someone else's blood, a stronger hero?
It has to be the genetic code that comes directly from your father.
But I don't have any siblings.
Well, actually maybe you do.
Hotwire, where have you been, are you okay?
I'm fine. [sighs] Actually maybe I need to sit down.
This bad ass just broke into Awesome Mountain alone,
and, boy, did she get some info.
I wasn't alone, Concierge got me through it with her drone.
- Drone, you brought Jeffry? - Oh, did someone call my name?
I was organizing my jazz albums by beats per minute.
[scatting]
[all] Get out of here, Jeffry.
What kind of info?
Dad, you said that in order to reverse the serum
in Mr. Awesome, you need the blood from his children.
It turns out Prock is not the only son he had.
[gasps] A folder!
I'm guessing there's something inside the folder, Frantic.
You might want to save your gasp for that.
[gasps] A folder! You know, I collect folders.
That looks like it's in pretty good condition.
- I think right over here... - Jeffry.
- What is it? - This is the secret file that Fuego gave me.
I didn't look at it because I trusted my dad.
Perfect Man is Mr. Awesome's son.
[all gasping]
[whistling]
- Nothing? - I'm sorry, wait, what?
Oh, did I miss the gasp? Mind, why do you have to drift?
Which means Perfect Man is my brother.
- Half brother. - Buddy, are you okay?
How could my dad keep this a secret?
If there was ever a kid that needed an older brother, it was me.
How could he be such a bastard to deny me that
and pit us against each other all these years?
Honey, long before your father took some serum
and became evil, he was kind of an asshole.
Yeah, you know the saying. Dads are like assholes; yours is one.
- I haven't heard that saying. - It's pretty famous.
The truth is, Jeremy, it wasn't about you, it's about him.
He needed to be the great Mr. Awesome,
and if that meant keeping his love child quiet, so be it.
At least you knew who your dad was.
Perfect Man spent his whole life not knowing the truth.
I thought my dad was a hero, but he's not.
He's a villain, and he always has been. [sighs]
Can I say something? Pork, you are a smart boy,
but sometimes you got the brain of a dummy.
You need to understand that everybody's not just
heroes and villains. Look around this room.
Hero, weirdo,
hero eating a hero,
ex-villain and possibly ghost husband,
another weirdo,
hero/traitor/ hero/pregnant lady.
Everybody's got a little something-something,
but one thing we all got is that we are looking to you
to tell us what to do,
'cause you're a Pork, the leader of the Awesomes.
[music]
Thank you, Lady Malocchio, it's Prock,
but other than that, you're totally right.
Prock? [laughs] That's a silly name.
I'm sorry I took so long to see the truth about my father,
but that's over, so let's get started.
First things first, where's Perfect Man?
He's trapped in a chamber in a vault
buried deep in Awesome Mountain.
- Aw, man. - Ooh, I love chambers.
You want to see my pewter chamber collection
or my Chambers of South America coffee table book?
[all] Jeffry!
[title music]
♪ This feels awesome ♪
♪ Yeah, this feels awesome ♪
♪ This feels awesome ♪
♪ This feels so awesome ♪
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
So thank you, America.
I promise I have plans for you, very special plans.
[glass breaking]
I'm sorry, Mr. President, he just barged in.
- Apologies for the intrusion, Maury. - But I just saw you on TV.
- Super speed never gets old. - Wait, do it again.
All right, all right.
[applause]
- Amazing! - Now, to the matter at hand.
I'm going to need access to the Destroyo Bullet ASAP.
Access to the Destroyo Bullet isn't granted to the president
on election day. It's after the swearing in.
That's months away.
No wonder everyone complains about Washington.
Everything moves so slow here.
People complain? I thought I was doin' a good job.
So let me tell you how this is gonna go.
You're gonna tell me where the bullet is,
or I'm gonna melt your brain with my heat vision.
Thanks for the info, Maury. Always a pleasure.
Okay, if we're right, my dad will be tryin'
to get his hands on the Destroyo Bullet.
That means now is the time for us to attack
Awesome Mountain and break out Perfect Man.
- I'm back. - And?
It's done.
Okay, now once we neutralize the New Awesomes,
we break out Perfect Man, we get his blood,
then we somehow trick my dad into agreeing to a
blood transfusion to turn him from an evil prick
- to just a regular prick. - And how would we do that?
I don't know that part yet.
Now describe the container Perfect Man was trapped in.
About eight feet tall,
window pane on the front, cold to the touch.
- Sounds like my ex-wife. - You don't have an ex-wife.
- The ice prison! - You know it?
- I designed it. - Great, so you'll know how to get him out.
There's a code but I don't know it.
No problem, I'll rip it open.
To break the locks without a code, you'll need
something stronger than even you, Muscleman.
Like an atomic blast or a sonic boom.
A sonic boom?
Gadget Gal, Sumo, Muscleman, Frantic, Impresario,
head to Awesome Mountain and show them who's boss.
- Malocchios, come with me. - Ooh, are we going out for frozen yogurt?
No, we're going to a family reunion.
Yes, Mr. President, and while I applaud
your decision-making for placing this call,
I derisively boo you for your cowardice
in revealing the secret location of the bullet.
What's that... well, it was meant to be a cutting comment,
so you didn't take it the wrong way. Good day.
Attention all staff.
We have a Code Five in progress.
I repeat, a Code Five.
A Code Five? That sounds bad.
But as for your staff, I'm afraid they're all...
how would you say it... incapacitated.
Hm, I'm sorry to hear that. Now what can I help you with?
I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you're the one entrusted
with the Destroyo Bullet... it makes sense.
You've always been the kind of person
that loved keeping heroes like me down.
Oh, I just think power should never go unchecked,
but as for the bullet, I'm afraid the president
led you astray... it's not here.
Well, then you wouldn't mind showing me what's in the safe
that's hidden behind that painting.
Hm, your eyesight is as good as ever.
[soft thud]
It's always so sad when lesser heroes try to stop the real thing.
But I was just one.
What happens when all of them rise up against you?
[evil laughter]
And this bullet was the only thing that could stop me...
that and Perfect Man, and he's safely locked away.
Well, you know what they say. Pride cometh before the...
Look, is there any way you could set me down?
It's impossible to make a point at this angle,
- though it is great for my core. - Sorry.
Air holes... seems a little humane for an evil villain.
I just wanted you to live long enough
to see the world the way it was meant to be seen:
with humanity enslaved and heroes in charge.
[whistling]
I hope you know what you're doing, Prock.
Can we stop at my apartment? If we're going for frozen yogurt,
- I'd like to get my customer card. - We're not going for froyo, Mom.
We're getting the one person that can break Perfect Man
out of that chamber, and he's in that prison right there.
Maybe he knows Malocchio Jr, 'cause he lives in that house too.
Yes, that's... nevermind.
We're going to break my son out of prison?
But Prock, he's evil, and isn't that illegal?
Technically sure, but if we don't,
Mr. Awesome is gonna destroy us all,
so what do you say you put some of that Malocchio
mind control to work and bust your son out of jail?
Oh man, I would love to, but I feel like if I backslide
even a little bit with the old evil, it would be trouble.
- It's a slippery slope! - Son of a bitch.
Would you eat a cookie if you were on a diet?
- I would if it would save the world! - I'd eat a cookie any day.
He won the election. What are we waiting for?
He told us to wait until he got back.
Ooh, if I don't bust some heads soon, I'm gonna lose my mind!
Will our heads do?
[music]
Yeah, I heard you guys want some head.
- No. - Well, well, well,
if it isn't the Awesomes for Hire.
We're just going by the Awesomes again, and you're in our house.
[grunting]
We're technically still available for paid work,
though, if you know anybody.
[zapping]
[grunting]
[zapping]
[grunting]
I'm so sorry I can't help with this jailbreak.
I can feel some resentment in the knowing that if I
used my mind control powers it would be a... a lot easier,
but as a good person, I just don't feel comfortable doing it.
Could you just stop talking about it? Hotwire, behind you!
I would love to, but I'm overcome with guilt
because I love you all,
and it just stinks not to be able to help,
but how can I make it up to you?
Maybe I'll just hypnotize you into not being mad at me.
[grunting]
- Oh, right. - I think that's all of them.
Concierge, any luck with those schematics?
He should be in cell block C, row 21.
Let's go.
Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, baby.
- Whoa, Nelly! - This is so embarrassing.
Can I have a sugar cube? Mm, thank you.
I'm disappointed, Sumo.
I didn't think someone so big would run
- away so quickly. - Cannonball!
[grunting]
Stand still!
- How's this? - Perfect.
#
Oh, I'm sorry, did you need these?
- My boob guns! - Real talk, you look better without them.
- I'm sorry, what's your power? - I, like, break codes and stuff.
So strengthwise, I'm a terrible match-up for you?
Yeah, I was kinda hopin' I'd square off against Concierge.
She's back at Prock's mom's house running things.
- Bummer. - Tell you what,
if you jump in the water and just swim away as far as you can,
- we don't have to do this. - Thanks.
[splash]
So now what?
Hey, dude, I don't know who you think you are,
but there's one of you and five of us.
Dude, dude? Excuse me?
I am a 47-year-old female super [bleep] miracle, okay?
I am a fearless, sneaky ninja, okay?
I can get in and out of anywhere and everywhere,
and not only that, under all of this,
I look like what Beyoncé wishes she looked like.
Oh, and one more thing, I helped Hotwire escape,
and I was only comin' over here to see if you needed my help
breakin' Perfect Man out, okay?
But you're one of the New Awesomes.
Why do you want to free Perfect Man?
Because while they were makin' their evil plans,
all I could think about is how much I wanted
to get with Perfect Man... in a sexual way.
Good to have you aboard.
Total number of people?
I think it's around 7 billion, give or take.
Sure, sure, some of 'em are kids,
but they won't stay kids forever.
They'll grow into a labor force, I promise you that.
How soon will it take for you to get here?
One whole year?
No, no, of course, it's a different galaxy after all.
Well, I'll just have to figure out somethin' to do
with them until then. Okay, say hi to Smorg for me.
- Thanks for patchin' me through, fellas. - Who were you talking to?
Even if you knew, you wouldn't be able to do anything about it.
I'd just try to relax and take what comes.
[whistling]
[music]
There he is.
[zapping]
- Get that mask off his face! - Dr. Malocchio, he took the serum.
- He's evil now. - He's my son.
- Glinda, please. - Okay.
My boy, my beautiful boy!
[otherworldly shriek]
- That really hurt. - Oh man, I'm sorry, Dad.
- Wait, you're not dead? - He's a ghost.
I know your blood is telling you that you're evil,
but look in my eyes.
I am your father, and I'm telling you
that you are the best person I have ever met.
- Hey! - Not now, Mom.
Okay.
[otherworldly shriek]
Hey, what happened back there?
I thought you were convincing him.
The moment he realized he hurt a family member,
the good came back, but only for a moment.
- The serum is just too strong. - Back to Awesome Mountain?
Yes, and let's hope the team is doin' okay.
That was easier than I thought it would be.
[snickering]
We were only supposed to keep you busy.
- Keep us busy until what? - Until he got back.
Until who gets back?
[whooshing sound]
Now let's say we find out how awesome you actually are.
Hold on a second, Mr. Awesome... Until who gets back?
Concierge, give us an update.
Prock, what are you doing? You just ran a yellow light.
Mr. Awesome just got back.
We'll be there as fast as we can.
Oh, I hope they can hold him.
[music]
[grunts]
Let's dance, baby... ow!
[evil laughter]
Finally the big boys.
[grunting]
[whistling]
[music] Oh, come on, Arlene, give it up.
All your friends are out of commission.
Oh... when you're as old as I am,
you have no shortage of friends.
And acquaintances.
[music]
Not a safe I've met yet that can hold the Fireplug.
Well, we'd better get this over with.
[music]
[shouting]
[zapping]
[footsteps]
This looks familiar; I think we're close.
It should be the next right.
Wow, that's my brother.
- So I did with both... - We don't have to talk about that.
We don't ever have to talk about that.
I'll meet you there.
[grunting]
[speaking Dutch] _
What in the?
Can't hold it much longer.
Surprise, bitch!
[laughing]
If that's the best you've got...
No, the best I have is a distraction.
[thud]
Oh, come on!
[whispers] I dated this man for 14 months,
and I'm almost positive he doesn't know my first name.
It's Katherine, you son of a bitch.
[otherworldly shriek]
- Hey! - Oh man,
that stress reduction pod really hit the spot.
- Hey Betty. - Katherine.
- Prock, where am I, what happened? - Mr. Awesome is evil
and he froze you in that pod, but I think you'll be okay now.
Frozen... that explains the crazy dreams.
Prock, I dreamt that you and I were brothers.
You know, all this time I've been trying to find my family,
but you actually gave me a family. You gave us all one.
You brought the New Awesomes together,
and for some reason you let me be part of it.
I never gave you a single reason to call me a friend,
but you brought me in.
I've been meaning to say this for a long time.
Thank you, Prock.
There's something else I have to tell you.
You don't want to tell me about a dream now, too, do you?
Because it's really boring to hear about someone else's dreams.
I'm not gonna tell you about one of my dreams.
- Thank God, so what's up? - Mr. Awesome is your father.
- You're my brother. - No way! [weeping]
Should I start a crybaby chant?
- Not now, Mom. - Okay.
How about now?
[music]
We have the blood; now all you have to do
is get him in a position where we can administer the transfusion.
And Perfect Man, there's one more thing.
[whispering]
- Trust me? - I trust you.
I was here earlier.
If you go down the hall about a hundred yards,
there's a vent that leads straight up and...
[rumbling]
That works, too.
Guys, guys?
[music]
[grunting]
Well, I'll give you this:
You didn't stop me, but I can't remember
the last time I broke a sweat.
- Now if you'll excuse... - Hey Dad.
Remember me?
[grunting]
[high-pitched whoosh]
[grunting]
[chimes] Apologies for the turbulence,
but it seems we flew through a superhero fight.
So did you get the blood?
We did, but it's not gonna do us any good
unless Perfect Man can pull this off.
Duck,
duck,
goose. [honks]
I've spent my life trying to figure out who I was
and you knew the whole time?!
It was for the greater good.
The world wasn't going to support a hero
who had multiple children out of wedlock.
- Tell that to the NBA. - I did it for the country.
You did it for the same reason you do everything:
- You did it for yourself! - No!
[rumbling]
Syringe, please.
[chuckling]
Very impressive. I guess I am getting old.
That's the first time anyone has beat me.
Thank God I have this.
It's loaded with the Destroyo Bullet. Perhaps you've heard of it.
The personal massager Concierge keeps in her nightstand?
No, and what were you doin' in my nightstand?
This is the only bullet strong enough to stop me,
so therefore the only bullet strong enough to stop you.
- Now hold on. - Dad, no!
I have plans, plans that I'm not going to let anyone stop,
not any of you heroes and certainly not any of my sons.
Ah!
Nooo!
[music]
Perfect Man, are you...
It's over for Perfect Man, but don't be sad.
I died amongst friends,
and I died knowing I had a brother who loved me.
No, what have I done?
Dear God, what have I done?
He's my son. I've killed my son!
[grunting]
[screaming]
[whooshing sound]
The evil, it's gone. I'm back to normal.
But it's too late. I killed Perfect Man.
- Psyche! - More ghosts.
But how, I shot you with the Destroyo Bullet.
No you didn't, because this is the Destroyo Bullet.
You shot him with a decoy bullet.
[laughing]
You were always so good at making decoys of things.
Yeah, and you and Mom were always so good
at throwing away my beloved possessions.
I never understood why you wanted those little plastic knick-knacks.
- Those were my asthma inhalers. - I don't understand.
Fill him in, Prockydoo.
Well, I knew we couldn't let my dad get his hands
on the Destroyo Bullet,
and I've been makin' decoys for years,
so I crafted a decoy bullet as fast as I could.
No one knows who guards the Destroyo Bullet,
but I assumed they would be crazy
to pick anyone other than Joyce Mandrake.
When the election ended, Prock called me and told me
Mr. Awesome would be showing up soon.
But before he showed up...
I did, with the decoy bullet that Prock had me run over.
But that only gave you the bullet.
How did you know what he would do with it?
I didn't, I just knew that I would need the real bullet
if there were no other way to stop my dad.
But at the same time, I couldn't imagine hurting
a family member no matter how evil he had become,
and when I saw Malocchio Jr. let his guard down
after hurting his father,
I realized that I needed Mr. Awesome to do the same.
So he told me to get Mr. Awesome to use the bullet on me...
Which would give me an opening to inject the blood.
Meanwhile, I planted a bomb in Awesome Mountain.
- What, you weren't supposed to do that? - Huh? [explosion]
- Prock, that's incredible. - You did it, son.
I can't believe that worked.
Ah, it was easy... stop. [panting]
Oh my God, I can't believe that worked. Oh, I'm gonna throw up.
I swear to God I'm gonna throw up.
Pull yourself together, pull yourself together,
together, together, okay, okay, okay.
Start... and besides, it had to work.
Stop.
[vomits]
[music]
- Start. - I think it's time
for a big old Awesomes hug.
Let's bring it in, everybody. Mm!
[music]
Get in here, Dad.
[music]
_
[baby cooing]
You hit "Contacts," then start typin' the name.
Oh look, it comes right up.
- Italy is so beautiful. - It better be.
Most of my family can't go back to America
for the reason of that they would
be arrested for their criminal times.
Prock, it's the president.
[baby coos]
Madame President, how are you? I hope there's not a problem.
The only problem would be you not enjoying
the one year anniversary of saving the world,
and income inequality... really gotta do something about that.
- Ah, that's kind of you to say. - Oh, and I sent over some expensive wine,
but for some reason the only credit card we had on file was Impresarios.
- The fuh? - Enjoy!
- I'm jealous of you, son. - Seriously, why is that?
I'm the most powerful hero on Earth,
but you have the one power I don't.
- Connecting with teens, right, so rad. - You make families.
When the Awesomes fell apart, you refused to let it die
and found just the right people to make it work.
When I robbed you of the chance to have a brother,
you went out and found one on your own.
Malocchios and Awesomes have been fighting for decades,
but thanks to you, we're family.
You created a place where Perfect Man could come out of the closet.
- Mm, whoa, oh... - Those nunchucks in your pocket?
Oh, oh, they are.
Oh, that's actually a woman, a 47-year-old black woman.
Get the hell out of here!
But most importantly, you did all of this
despite having a father who wasn't worth a damn
- when it came to being a parent. - No man is perfect... oh no.
- Did I hear my inverted name? - Hey Perfect Man.
We're actually kinda havin' a moment.
Cool, I should get back to SBD anyway.
What did I tell you about walkin' away
when we in the middle of our nasty business?
[laughs] I'm not jokin'.
Do you ever think back to when you were evil?
It's all so blurry.
Sometimes I think my plan had to be more than just being president.
What was it that I was trying to do?
Mr. Awesome, we have finally arrived
to collect the humans you have promised us.
I just remembered.
[music]
♪ How am I supposed to know that you're high ♪
♪ if you won't let me touch you ♪
♪ Whoa oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ How am I supposed to know that you're high ♪
♪ if you won't even dance ♪
♪ Whoa oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ How am I supposed to know that you're high ♪
♪ if you won't even dance ♪
♪ Yeah, you won't even dance ♪
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~