Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com
We need to ask Horace for a raise.
I feel like I spend half of my paycheck on tipping alone.
Because you try to be a big shot.
When you go to the bank, you don't have to tip the teller.
Or the ATM machine.
That's your opinion.
Oh, and by the way, thanks for your opinion.
Look, we can't ask for a raise.
Last time we did, Horace said the hospital was going broke
and then sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes.
It was super creepy.
Okay, how about this?
If Horace doesn't give us the raise, then we'll threaten to quit.
And what if he calls our bluff and tells us to quit?
He can't.
Dude, we're irreplaceable.
There's no one else like us here.
Whoa, look at this place!
Hey, there's Blue Tornado!
And Solar Flare!
This must be some kind of secret superhero hospital!
Something about this seems very familiar.
Um, who are you guys?
Hi. I'm Gulliver and this is Chaz.
Gulliver and Chaz? What dorky names.
How did you two find this place?
We were hanging out at our favorite comic book shop,
and I bet Chaz he couldn't bust down a door with his head, like Gray Granite.
I lost.
The bet and my peripheral vision.
See? Nothing.
Anyway, at the hospital, Chaz followed this guy
who looked exactly like Blue Tornado into a janitor's closet.
We then solved the Caduceo puzzle and here we are.
Where are we, by the way?
You're at Mighty Med, a secret superhero hospital.
So you guys are superheroes?
Great alter-egos.
How do you hide your muscles like that?
We're not superheroes.
We work here, helping superheroes.
And for the record, under this shirt I have a serious one-pack.
Hey, do you think you could get us jobs here too?
I'm sorry, but you guys can't work here.
You're just two comic book geeks who stumbled in here off the street.
You're completely unqualified.
So were we.
We know that, but they don't know that.
We do now.
You guys are really bad at whispering.
Sorry.
Boys, stop badly whispering about being sorry and get over here.
Serge is crashing.
He's turning red and barely breathing.
Just like in issue 351.
Yeah, when he was exposed to the Aldebaran Crystal, his mortal weakness.
Which can only be cured by a massive...
Negative electrical charge.
Horace, we figured it...
Outstanding work, normos I've never seen before.
Every couple of years I like to impulsively hire
someone with no experience and grossly underpay them, so welcome aboard.
Horace, are you kidding?
Yeah, you can't hire them.
The hospital doesn't have the money.
Right. I forgot.
So, Kaz, Oliver, you'll have to take a pay cut.
Good thing you're not hurting for money.
Yesterday Kaz tipped me 20 bucks just for giving him his paycheck.
Horace, can I talk to you for a minute?
Sorry, Skylar, my schedule is wide open.
We're going to have to talk for 5 minutes.
Well, it seems like everyone's in a bad mood lately.
I think we should do something to boost morale.
Please. I haven't seen a single example of low morale.
Really?
Cro Magno sad. Morale low.
All right, fine!
If you have any ideas for how to cheer people up,
you're welcome to put them in the suggestion box.
It's right here, where I keep everything I couldn't care less about.
Is this the sweater I made for your birthday?
Is it?
I thought I put it in the trash.
Wait.
Let's put the suggestion box up on the wall.
If people feel like their voices are being heard,
it could really help morale.
I'm telling you, morale isn't bad.
People love it here.
Like Lizard Man, playing a happy tune.
Maybe that's just how the song goes.
Okay, I'm just saying, I don't like these new guys showing us up.
Plus, being the only normos at Mighty Med is our thing.
It's bad enough I have to share it with you.
Kaz, let it go.
Horace is probably gonna put them on opposite shifts from us,
so you'll never even have to see them again.
Guys, come meet my new friends Chaz and Gulliver.
They're just like you, only much, much better.
Yes! High score! Oh, yeah!
They even "oh, yeah" better than you do.
But not better than me.
Oh, yeah!
Oliver, these guys are stealing our lives.
We have to take them down.
Maybe instead of feeling threatened,
you should view them as friendly competition.
Hey, there's my cute little buddy.
Thank you so much for supporting my idea of putting up the suggestion box.
Horace said yes.
Anytime.
Hey, do you want to go on a date with me Friday?
Hmm.
Dating someone I work with and see every day?
That would be so...
convenient.
That's it. These guys are going down.
What are you doing?
Well, I noticed that morale has been low in the hospital lately,
so I'm putting up a suggestion box, so people can voice their opinions.
You can't put it there. That's where I go to lean.
It's my leaning spot.
What if you try leaning over here?
I don't like it.
Besides, if you really want to help people,
you should form a riot club, where we start a riot
and the people can fight each other.
Okay, I have two comments about that.
First, since it's a suggestion, it should go in the box.
And second, it's an unbelievably stupid suggestion.
Hey, you think I'm going to stand here and let you criticize me like that?
I'll stand here.
This is where I get criticized.
It's my criticism spot.
Man, I can't believe Horace is letting Chaz and Gulliver
assist in surgery, and we have to eat all the expired DNA samples.
What are you doing?
Horace didn't say we have to eat them, he just said get rid of them.
Yeah, I know, but the trash can's all the way over there.
Wait.
I have an idea of how to get rid of Chaz and Gulliver.
I'm on board if it involves putting on sunglasses
and walking down the hallway in slow motion.
I was going to suggest checking their employee files
and looking for some dirt on them so we can get them fired.
There's no reason we can't do both.
Okay, this is taking a lot longer than I expected.
Hurry.
We need to find Dr. Wrath's ashes.
Dr. Wraith, Dr. Wrangler...
Here he is. Dr. Wrath comma ashes of.
Don't worry, Dr. Wrath, soon you will be resurrected.
And then we will exact our revenge on Kaz and Oliver
for what they did to you.
Hey!
Okay, don't worry, I got this.
Tell you what.
Why don't you just forget that we were ever here?
Oh!
I can't believe you guys are evil, although it does make me feel better
about hating you guys for no good reason.
You think we're evil now?
Wait until we bring our favorite professor back to life.
Professor?
That's right.
We go to Villain University, the world's best college for super criminals.
We destroyed Villain State this year.
Literally. We blew it up with a bunch of missiles.
Villain University?
Do you guys learn powers there?
And if so, do they offer an online course?
Dr. Wrath taught us everything we know.
I learned to take any hero's power and reflect it back at them.
And I learned to create mirages.
Like this.
That was really mean.
You guys are wasting your time.
The only one who can bring Dr. Wrath back to life
is Caduceo, and nobody knows who that is.
It's Horace Diaz.
What? How did you know that?
I mean, Horace Diaz?
That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.
Wow, you're as bad at lying as you are at whispering.
Yeah, you need to take Intro to Lying and Whispering at Villain U.
I got an A-plus.
I can't hear you.
Exactly.
Anyway, before Dr. Wrath died, he told the entire villain world
that Horace is Caduceo.
And we're going to trick Horace into using his powers on those ashes.
All right, well, clearly Dr. Wrath didn't teach you
that in comic books, explaining your whole plan always ends badly.
Oh, it'll end badly for you, because we're going to eliminate you
in the most ironic way possible.
How is this ironic?
I'm not laughing at all.
What do you think ironic means?
I don't know, ticklish?
It means that in 10 minutes, you'll be a couple of cardboard standees,
and your favorite hangout will become your tomb.
I can't move.
We're turning two-dimensional.
Wait.
Remember what Dr. Wrath taught us:
always stay to make sure the hero doesn't escape.
I'm bored.
As if this wasn't bad enough, I think my fly is open.
Thank you all for coming, and for filling
the suggestion box with all your great ideas.
We are not having a riot club.
Now let's see what you all had to say.
"Cro Magno, it's the 21st century, nobody uses a pager anymore."
Oh, snap!
It's okay, Cro Magno. Um, I love your pager.
You can use it as a hair clip.
Okay.
Okay, next suggestion.
"Mesmera, not to sound catty, but wear less eye shadow.
You look like a floozy."
It's okay, it's okay.
Mesmera, I think what Alley Cat is trying to say is that you should go
for a more natural look.
Natural look?
The freak's got an eye in her hand.
I have a suggestion.
We should stop reading suggestions.
No, this is fun. Let's do another one.
"Maybe Alan could do a better job of keeping his temper in check."
Huh, yeah.
What?!
Huh?
Fire bad!
They closed the shop?
Wow, that nap really got away from me.
Gus. Help.
Kaz? Oliver?
What's going on?
Am I still dreaming?
Uh, yes.
Yes, you're having a lucid dream.
And you can do anything you want in it.
And you know what would make this dream even cooler?
If you rescued us.
Oh, that would be cool.
But first, I've always wanted to make one of you talk
like a robot, and one of you talk like my Uncle Steve.
Hello, Gus.
How are you today?
That's amazing.
You sound just like my Uncle Steve.
Oliver, you do a robot.
Gus, now pick us up
and take us exactly where we tell you to go.
Okay, but that sounds nothing like a robot.
But it does sound exactly like my Aunt Rebecca.
What is going on here?
I suggest you all stop this right now!
Horace, I can explain.
Actually, Uncle Horace, this is all my fault.
What did you do, Alan?
Well, it's not what I did, it's what I didn't do.
I didn't try harder to stop Skylar from putting up the suggestion box,
which she used to stir people into a frenzy,
as if this were some sort of riot club.
You did that. That was your idea.
Yeah, like I have ideas.
Shame on you, Skylar, starting a riot club.
That's it. You know what?
I am done trying to help people.
Evil box gone.
Morale good!
I was right.
A suggestion box does improve morale...
when you destroy it.
Wow, you were right.
My dream has gotten even cooler.
Check this out.
That's the biggest M I've ever seen.
Gus. Quick.
Use the silver device on the cart.
Thank you, Gus. You saved our lives.
Ah-ah-ah. Uncle Steve voice.
Thank you, Gus.
Now go back to The Domain and wake up from this dream.
Beep-boop-bop.
We need to find Chaz and Gulliver
before they trick Horace into resurrecting Dr. Wrath.
What are you doing?
That's an M?
I have never noticed that before.
Hmm.
He doesn't look dead enough.
Horace might try to check his pulse and realize he's a mirage.
Oh!
There. That's much better.
I got your text. What's the emergency?
Gulliver and I found Alan on the floor!
He's not breathing!
And he has an axe in his back!
Who would have done such a thing?
I mean, besides Axehand, who not only hates Alan, but has an axe for a hand.
This is terrible!
Well, can't you do something? Maybe call Caduceo?
I don't need to call him.
I am him.
Thanatoi bios...
Horace, don't!
That's not Alan.
What are you talking about?
It's Dr. Wrath's ashes.
Look.
Freeze, new boys.
He reflected my power!
My freezing hand is frozen!
I am so good at irony.
And now...
Gamma Girl, Gearhand...
Ah! Glove comma magnetic!
Kaz!
Man, this does take forever.
No wonder you guys didn't stay for the whole thing.
Boys, thank you.
I almost wasted my last Caduceo power on Dr. Wrath.
Even using it on Alan, I was kind of like, "Eh, should I?"
Well, if you really want to thank us,
I think I know how you by giving us a raise.
Oh, Kaz. I wish I could. I really do.
But with the hospital facing such financial hardship,
I just can't pay you what you rightfully deserve.
It's so unfair.
Told you it would get creepy.
Ugh.
Yes!