From Here on OUT - Gay for NO Pay!
(MUSIC)
Everyone's buying that you and I are a couple.
Congratulations on dating Sam. It's....unbelievable.
We may have to work on our public affection.
Spank me hard!
I would love somebody to rub my little corns!
The Kilt Inspector's coming straight for us!
He's wearing knickers!
I am cutting your budget by 10%.
That table cost 12 thousand dollars. - What!
If you could just get us two thousand dollars
more I could make this work!
Just what do you think you're doing?
Tell me why I shouldn't have you two boys arrested?
(birds tweeting)
...The flavored vodka,
if it's not too much bother...
(mischievous music playing while Sam practices his lines)
I wish I could see it for myself...
...missile threw them into the air, but...
So! Guy Dubai!
I hear you're "dating" the director.
That's right.
I date my directors too, sometimes.
It gives you the extra Push up the ladder
No, Jimmy and I are really dating.
hehehe
Please.
What's your real type?
Because, mine is you.
do do do...
Sure am looking forward to our sex scene later.
You don't want to go there! Jimmy and I are
a real couple, and he's the jealous type.
Eek! I'm terrified.
Mmmm.
I'll see you later...
From here on out
There is no more second best
Erase all doubt
I'm better than the rest!
I used to stand aside,
While others plowed ahead,
But now I'm taking charge
My wings are gonna spread.
Don't underestimate me
So, listen, here's the deal.
To those who think I'm broken
Look out! I'm at the wheel.
From here on out
Everybody cheer! scream and shout!
Get used to it. I'm here!
(proper english music playing)
Hey. How are ya?
Worried. Nana Dotty called in sick. Well,
she actually left a scribbled note pinned to her that said
I'm sick, leave me alone..she
hasn't gotten out of her cot all morning.
She'll be fine. She just needs to sleep it off in!
Sleep in! She'll be fine.
Maybe it's the flu or something!
Old people drop dead from that all the time.
I told Brad he had to stay there and stare at her.
Maybe I should call and have him poke
her and see if she moves.
Oh, by the way your naked guy's agent called asking for more money.
I said forget it so, you have to find some
one else. Hot.
For free.
♪ring ♪ Now I should take this ughhh...
(sexy music)
Oh! Mmm!
♪sigh♪ Oh!
hehe! ohhh!
What's your name?
Excuse me oh! Hey!
We're being very bad, Uncle Jimmy.
This is my cousin Patric again and this
I dunno... Cousin Haggis
Yeah I need you on the set. - Listen,
if you and Guy Dubai wanna have a threeway with me,
I'm up for it.
I can see that..hm
Actually, to be honest, I'd be more into it if you just watched us.
On set, please!
Alright, handsome. see you there.
Thanks, boys.
Would uh, one of you cousins like to be naked on TV?
I'm very, very shy! I'll give you a month's supply of post-it notes
I dunno...
I'll spank you,
if you use too many Ooh honey I am in!
(spy theme music)
♪squirt noise♪
Would you like a dam of a whiskey?
- Cut! - What?
It's a Dram of whiskey.
- Never heard of it. - Its Scottish.
It means, you know, actually,
just... say it.
If you don't mind. - He give me script
in some stupid language, and then he
gets all picky about I say every word right!
What!
Okay, we're still rolling. When you're
ready, Divina. *throat clears*
♪ppppffft eyeyey♪
Meryl Streep!
(spy theme music)
♪squirt noise♪
Would you like a dram of a Whiskey?
I'd prefer flavored vodka, if it's not too much bother.
♪car screech♪
Great Ghost almighty!
You won't believe what I be seeing!
- What is it? - I spy a car black as coal!
Chasing after a wee red sports car!
Oops!
They just mowed through a flock of sheep!
(baaaahhhh) There'll be a special on a rack of lamb
tomorrow that's for sure.
♪gasp!♪ no!
They just ran a van full of nuns off the road and
into the icy waters of the Locknee. Prepare
to meet your maker, ladies!
Wish I could see that for myself.
Wish I could afford to show
it to ya! Wait!
Oh, I think the red car is getting away!
Nooo, wait again!
The driver of the black car is
holding a missile launcher *gasp!*
He's firing it at the red car!
(explosion sounds) It's a hit!
Ooooh! ohhhh...
It's the driver of the red car!
The missile threw him into the air and burnt off
all his clothes! - Really?
I've seen it happen a million times, but look! Underpants.
(spy music)
The bloke should have known better!
Kilt Inspector would NOT like that!
He always says you must never
wear knickers under your kilt or else...
Or else what?
(crying)
- Cut! - That was amazing!
Groundbreaking television!
Groundbreaking!
Thank you so much, thank you.
And thank you, Divina, thank you so much.
Arnie, I need to talk to you. Arnie,
it's...it's almost lunch time.
If Taylor sees you guys walk he may freak out
and just kill the show. - Sorry, but half pay
is half day. - Oh, come ON!
You guys agreed to work for that salary
in the first episode!
Look, I'm all for gays having their own TV shows.
I just need more money.
You wait. Once all your gay marriages
start breaking up, and you have to pay
your blood-sucking ex's alimony?
you'll understand *sigh*
Okay, everybody let's just keep on going!
Uh where are my actors? - Yes, um,
I have a question about my motion. - Okay. What is it?
Why is my character terrorizing people
into wearing kilts with no underwear? *sigh*
I dunno, was I forced
to wear dresses as a child, or no.
It's just the traditional Scottish way
to wear a kilt. - No, wait.
Just so I have this clear:
If they wear underwear,
I knock them off with a rocket launcher? - Yup!
Your symbol of homegrown radical extremists.
Mm, no. No, no, no.
No your script really isn't that deep.
Yes, it is.
If you strip away the gratuitous nudity and sex, it is!
Whatever.
Perfect! Places!
Fine, but just, you know,
my hearts really not in this, so
it's probably not going to come from a real place. Okay?
Understood, okay.
Brad, what are you doing here? Did nana die?
Oh, if only! No! When I poked her like you said
she pulled a knife on me
and kicked me out of the office right.
She's doing great.
- Excuse me. - Oh, I forgot about you.
How long do I have to be down here
with my pee pee hanging out?
Uhh...just a little longer. And, uh
a little longer.
Um, okay. Quiet everybody!
And Places!
And... action!
(spy theme music)
♪squirt sound♪
I'm wearing your stupid kilt.
What else do you want from me?
Wear it with a smile, like my mother
used to make me do
when she forced me to wear my sisters dresses!
No, mummy!
No! no not the training bra again!
Never.
Here you go.
That bowl of cock-a-leekie soup you ordered.
Cut! Divina! You're not in this scene!
Well, I know but then I remembered
I never give him the soup he ordered!
Now can I go?
Yes, go! Thanks, Uncle Jimmy.
Hey! Fireplace too hot!
Somebody have to turn on that fan!
I am acting here, people. Come on!
What's my que line here?
Because none of you are saying
what you're supposed to be saying.
(bagpipe music) Woah!
That's kind a drafty! Oh yeah.
♪gasp!♪
Baby! mm!
Get a load of this.
You KNOW you want it!
Arnie, turn off that fan!
I make Rico special margaritas! Who want one?
Uh, I'll have a virgin!
Aye, Virgins are too much work,
they just lay there.
Have a Margarita!
No way!
That woman will put a bullet into me head!
- No, I just... - No.
Seriously! - Oh!
Mr Television Boy? You have a very, very sexy assistant.
Who? Oh, you mean Brad? Ew!
Gross, no. He's just the guy
who forgets to buy me my acne medication.
Okay, half-day is up! We've done!
No, guys, wait! Guys, wait!
Okay, know what, that's it!
Quiet everybody!
QUIET!
ARNIE! WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE THIS TELEVISION SHOW?
Since the divorce?
Jerkin off on my sisters sofa.
Ew... And now?
You're an assistant director
We're all working at what we love.
For crap pay!
So, the money sucks! But let's face facts!
If the money didn't suck none of us would be here!
Someone more qualified would have our job.
And AS for YOU,
You have been told that Sam and I are dating,
SO QUIT SHAKING YOUR DICK AT MY MAN!
I'm sorry.
This new tough Jimmy is giving me a boner good job.
Oh! (everyone woos)
Alright it's uh, it's lunch time.
Who's staying for another half-day of work?
There's another margarita!
And a box of paper clips in it for ya.
I am in!
- Alright, okay. Who else! - Pick me, pick me!
- Me, yay! - Yes, yes!
We're all in!
If I must...
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,
even you. - Alright!
Yay! woo!
Um, what's up with the kiss?
You were so butch in there, I wanted to mark my territory.
Girlfriend, this man is mine,
so you better keep your hands off! Shoot... (phone rings)
Okay, I am terrified of you right now. - What?
I'm the director's bitch!
Jimmy, its nana Dotty.
She wants to talk to you... - Tell her I am busy.
I am not in the mood for her at the moment.
Its NANA DOTTY!!! YOU HAVE TO!
For the love of God, talk to her.
Ugh! What?
Stop shouting.
What is it?
I put the coffee table into an auction
on the computer interweb thingie last night.
You did?
It's up to six thousand eight hundred and forty one dollars already.
Are you kidding me? For real?
In honor of your dedication to the project
we are giving you all a 25 dollar a day raise!
Yay! Woo!
Divided by eight, that's 15 bucks short of minimum wage!
- Woo! - That's awesome, dude!
Oh, except actors.
Nana Dotty says your a dime a dozen
and we certainly can't give you any more money,
nana Dotty says you fed me circus food!
I don't care. Thanks, Taylor!
You saved the show!
Oh, hey, don't thank me.
You're supposed to thank nana Dotty, tonight.
Who's nana Dotty?
(Traffic sounds)
♪moaning♪
Ohhhh.
I do enjoy a good three-way.
Oh, ohhh oh OH.
Oh, ohhhh.
♪sigh♪
(music)
You're offering me an acting job?
If you're available this week. - Here's my card.
May I suggest you try self-deportation.
♪gasp!♪
Doesn't HERE TV own out
can't you make the editor give us the cover?
Derin's gonna interview you two.
Did you ever have any suspicions that Sam might be gay?
Well, I never had to hum any show tunes,
if that's what you mean!
You think you'd have the decency to call
so I don't find out about his showmance
from some reporter. He sits beside me
on the tennis court riding, while I run around
naked, playing tennis.
Balls are flying everywhere.
From here on out
There is no more second best, oh-woah-oh
Erase all doubt!
I'm better than the rest!
I used to stand aside,
While others plowed ahead,
But now I'm taking charge,
My wings are gonna spread.
Don't underestimate me
So, listen, here's the deal.
To those who think I'm broken
Look out! I'm at the wheel.
From here on out
Everybody cheer! Scream and shout!
Get used to it. I'm here!