[Knocking on door]
Both: ♪ deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
♪ Fa la la la la la la la la ♪
Hey!
Merry Christmas Eve, Will. What are you doing?
You can't throw these cards away.
These people took their time to write you cards.
Look, there's Jasmine, Jade, Robert Freeman.
Do you have a brother?
That's my father. Put that back in the trash.
Marcus, put that back in the garbage, right now!
"Dear William, merry Christmas. Dad."
Wow, what a nice... Penmanship.
Who has nice penmanship?
Uh, Will just got a Christmas card from his dad.
Oh, isn't that nice.
Oh, is that why your house isn't decorated,
'cause you're gonna spend Christmas with your dad?
No, I don't celebrate Christmas.
- What? - How could you not celebrate
Christmas, it's the greatest holiday of all time?
It is.
Okay, the day after Thanksgiving,
every radio station, mall, and restaurant in America
begins playing Runaway Sleigh incessantly.
I can't leave my house without hearing that song.
An awesome song, an even more awesome songwriter.
I fail to see the issue.
The issue is, Marcus, I despise that song
with the white hot anger of a thousand suns.
And, for some reason, I just don't feel like celebrating
an imaginary fat man in a red suit.
Hey! Hey!
Imaginary? Santa's imaginary?
- No! - Marcus still believes
- in Santa clause? - He-yes, he do!
Now look, when he says imaginary,
he doesn't mean it in the sense of made up.
Do you?
He means, more, in the sense that he's not often seen,
he's mysterious like a Will-o'-the-wisp, like...
That's not the definition of imaginary.
Ah, let's do more decorating at home because it's very
depressing in here. Off you go.
Off you...
Any other dreams you'd like to kill, Mr. Scrooge?
Yeah, bring him back in here, I'll take care of unicorns
and Milli Vanilli, too.
Don't you dare.
Yeah, this website always has the most heart-felt cards.
[Perky music]
♪ Well maybe it's the common curse ♪
♪ Maybe things get bad before they get worse ♪
♪ I don't wanna become someone ♪
♪ Who can't live up to what I already done, don't ♪
♪ Here comes the comeback ♪
♪ The kid is back, he's back on track ♪
♪ And there goes my hero ♪
♪ He's an underdog he's coming out on top, and ♪
[Applause]
Man, snowflakes look much lighter than they are.
So much glitter.
We need to settle this thing, Will.
Why would I settle? I wrote the song.
Stalker Stacey did not write the song.
She is attempting to steal my money.
I've been talking to her lawyers all week and I finally
got them to agree to terms.
You only have to give her a tiny percentage of your royalties.
A small taste.
Just let her get her beak wet, Will.
Forget it, counselor, I am not settling.
Will, you do not want this to go to trial.
There's no telling what a jury of your peers will decide.
I mean, aren't there more important things in life
than money? It's Christmas, Will.
I'm not giving her a penny, okay?
Well, unless you've got hard evidence,
she's gonna own your house.
Evidence. Evidence, evidence, evidence.
Evidence.
I am gonna give you some evidence, counselor.
And we are going all the way.
We are gonna fight the good fight, for justice, together.
No matter how long it takes.
Mr. Smith goes to Washington?
No, no, no, no,
Will Freeman is going to Washington.
All right. Why don't you just sign
the papers, cuckoo. [Knocking on door]
You got it!
Mm. Mm. Boop.
[Sighs] Okay.
Well, the joke's on you, Will,
because I brought tape!
Will, I figured out why you don't like Christmas.
You don't like Christmas cause you don't like runaway sleigh.
And you don't like runaway sleigh,
cause you've gotten so sick of hearing the same old version.
But here, check this out.
The new version by nasty dog just dropped today.
♪ Off to school one winter day ♪
♪ I came across a big red sleigh ♪
♪ Cursing it with all his might ♪
♪ Was a man whose face I knew on sight ♪
Nasty dog.
That's right, nasty dog.
Huh? Pretty good, huh, pal?
Covering your song?
Hey, long story short, me, Laurie and the kids,
we're coming over to Fiona's for Christmas.
And I know you don't like celebrating Christmas with us,
no matter how many times I get emotional when I ask,
but, we're gonna be so close, you can come by,
we'll all spend Christmas together, huh?
How's that sound?
That sounds about as good as that song.
That means he's coming!
- Right. - Don't start, I'm leaving.
First of all, rude.
Second of all, I need you to watch Marcus
so I can go fix the damage you caused when you said
that Christmas wasn't real.
No, I can't, and how am I supposed to know
that Marcus would be the only 12-year-old in America
who still believes in Santa clause?
Oh, that's right, he was raised by Dr. strangemom.
We have been, essentially, nomadic in our lives, Will,
but the one constant that I have maintained
is a wonderful Christmas.
Therefore, you have to watch Marcus.
Well, why don't you ask good old Saint Nick to watch him?
I'm sure you still believe in him, right?
I do, as a matter of fact.
Of course you do.
Well no, I believe in the spirit of Santa clause.
And by the way, I can't believe you don't?
You wrote a song that has instilled joy
into millions of people.
Uh, it was a writing gig that hit big,
it means absolutely nothing to me.
That's like a lottery winner hating his lottery ticket.
- Hey, Will. - Hey.
My mom says I'm with you today because of the whole
fat man fiasco.
Oh, sorry, but no, I'm on a mission.
It's not a request. My mom doesn't think you're
very stable right now, so I'm on suicide watch.
I'm your sanity elf. Hmm.
Okay, you can be my sanity elf if you can find my keys.
Check your left pocket.
I all ready checked my left pocket...
Oh, excellent, that's settled then.
- Oh, hey mom. - Hello, darling.
Let's go! Chop, chop!
So if you find these hand-written lyrics
then you can prove that you, and you alone, wrote the song.
Uh, exactly.
Yes. So you can keep the money,
even though you hate the song.
Now, you are getting it. Oh, ho, ho, there it is!
Whoa. What is it?
That, miniature Tim, is where my band, sriracha,
lived, and rehearsed, and partied, and did lots
of other stuff back in the day.
Wow.
Have you ever approached the city about making this place
a historical landmark?
Tried to. A little too much paperwork.
May I help you?
Uh, I got kind of a weird request.
Oh, my God.
You're Will Freeman from sriracha!
- Yeah. - Yo, come on in, man.
Guys, guys. Will Freeman, the heart and soul
of sriracha's here, holy... Oh, hey boys.
Hey, thank you. Oh sweet...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, you can't have a beer.
Just let me hold it, it's Christmas.
Okay, knock yourself out.
This my band, bro. We got Anton, Pete, c.J.
Yo, yo, yo!
C.J., we had a t.J. That's nuts.
Sriracha are like gods to us, bro.
Oh, that's awesome, look at you, you got the posters.
Whatever happened to you guys, man?
Things... I don't know, the... the, I don't know,
life happened. [Laughter]
Yeah, the band broke up... I'm not sure, exactly, when.
Oh, as the chief editor of sriracha's Wikipedia page,
I can' help with that.
The last known concert appearance by sriracha
was February 19th, 2005.
- There you go. - Yeah, yeah.
So what've you guys been doin' since, huh?
Oh, you know, this and that, nothing much.
Oh, as chief editor of Will Freeman's Wikipedia page,
I can help with that as well.
I don't think these guys wanna hear about the boring details
of my life after sriracha, Marcus.
What's so boring about writing runaway sleigh,
one of the most popular Christmas songs of the decade?
You wroterunaway sleigh?
I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing,
but yeah, yeah I did. You sellout!
Bad thing, yeah, I was kinda leaning that direction.
You destroyed sriracha.
Uh,runaway sleighhad nothing to do with sriracha breaking up.
Get out!
Okay, well this has been horrific.
Um, I'm gonna go upstairs to your attic and get some boxes...
No, there's nothing up in the attic, bro.
This woman came by about a year ago, cleared out all the boxes.
Yeah, milady said she used to play tambourine for you guys.
Okay.
Out of the house, sellout.
Okay, you gonna take my beer and not the kid's?
I'm not gonna take the kid's beer,
he didn't destroy sriracha.
Stop, the sign on the door says "closed."
Yeah, yeah, but the door was open.
Well, most of our customers can read.
Oh, well that's not nice, is it?
Now, we need a snow machine, that's all we need.
It's Christmas Eve, the snow machines have been sold out
for weeks. Yeah, but listen.
My son is starting not to believe in the magic
of Christmas. And so, if I can give him
a white Christmas here in California,
that would restore his belief.
So please, you have to sell me or rent me a snow machine.
Please. And what about that baby,
right there? It's a return.
It burnt someone's garage down
yeah, but you could fix that, couldn't you?
You could fix it with your tool belt, handy Andy Andy, come on.
Come on, with your little tool belt?
How... how big of a fire are we talking about?
Massive.
I have serious doubts about that.
Okay, good, we'll take it.
Okay, so it's true debby caruso played a little
tambo for sriracha, but let's just say she was more like
my main squeeze at the time.
Supermodel's face, dancer's body,
style like Audrey hepburn.
Oh, I'm looking for debb caruso?
Oh, my God, Will!
Debb... What did you do to debb?
Oh, what are you doing here, come inside, come inside.
Kids, come here, come here!
You're not going to believe it, this is my old bandmate, Will.
Kids, this is Will Freeman, mommy's special friend
from before daddy.
That's kind of icky.
- Hi. - Oh, hi.
Hi, bill, this is Will Freeman.
I was just telling your wife how highly Will speaks of her.
He said she breaks records for endurance.
Running partners, five ks.
Felt more like ten ks, Will.
Did you find a picture frame with the oldrunaway sleigh
lyrics in them? Oh, I sold them on ebay.
You sold my lyrics on ebay?
You know what, I might have the fedex receipt
in my ebay box, I'll go and look, okay?
- Okay, great. - Hey, Will,
do you think that maybe you could sing a few lyrics
from runaway sleigh for my kids?
Oh, absolutely not.
All: ♪ won't you ride in my runaway sleigh ♪
♪ The reindeer might be biting but they seem to know the way ♪
♪ And we can fly these presents to the good girls and the boys ♪
♪ And we'll all have a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And we can fly these presents to the good girls and the boys ♪
♪ And we'll all have a merry Christmas ♪
Oh, hey, now I understand why you hate Christmas.
You hate Christmas because you hate runaway sleigh,
and you hate runaway sleigh because it just reminds you
of how much time has passed.
Everybody's moved on with their lives but you're just kind of
stuck in neutral.
[Buzzer sound] Wrong again.
Okay.
812...Hill grass Avenue.
Where are we, Will?
Might wanna stay outside for this one, Marcus.
[Cello music]
Dad.
Well...
Look what the cat dragged in.
O.M.G. You're Will's dad.
History is happening before my eyes.
Great penmanship, by the way.
Oh, can you guys pose, cause I'm gonna take a little picky
for the wiki. Marcus, we're not gonna pose.
Even better, candid.
Let me guess, his mom was a groupie and he's my grandson.
Good one. No, he's my neighbor's kid.
Look, I really don't want to be here,
and I'm obviously interrupting a super weird party,
so I'll get right to the point.
I need my runaway sleigh lyrics. Somebody at this address
bought them. I'm assuming it was mom
before you torpedoed the marriage and she moved
to Florida.
But if you do have them, I need them.
Are you gonna come in?
Fine.
I'm walking into Will's childhood home.
Oh, I'm gonna journal about this so hard.
Ooh, it smells like toast.
But it looks like a bomb.
I'm turbo charging this baby so Marcus can have
a very white Christmas.
Oh, how confident are you, Andy?
Well, shooting for quadruple output,
but I'd settle for double.
Great. Now who's that?
Who's that bloke with Will,
Marcus keeps texting me pictures.
- That's Will's dad. - [Gasps]
How lovely.
Not lovely. Explosive, actually.
Here you go.
One eggnog. Okay, thanks.
Uh, there's liquor in that.
That's all right, he likes to hold liquor.
Well, what do ya say, you wanna sit down at the piano
and play something? Really?
You... who am I gonna play for?
These guys? I mean, they look like they're
waiting for the bus.
Where are my lyrics?
- How is your mother? - Can we skip the small talk,
please? Just asking.
She's lousy, that's how she is, okay.
Her stubborn husband wouldn't leave his dingy-ass,
hell hole in Berkeley and move to Florida with her.
What was I gonna do in Florida?
I don't know, be with your wife,
have dinner at 3:00 P.M., live in the beautiful house
I bought you? Oh, that place was way, way
too big for us. Oh, baloney, that's-
you couldn't stand to live in a house that I bought you
because then you'd have to admit that I'd made it, my way.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about the fact that the minute I left
classical music and pursued the music that I loved,
you couldn't deal with it.
That's not the way it was, Will.
Now it's true, I never have understood your music,
but I was always fine with pursuing anything you loved.
No, it was when you sold that silly song and then you stopped.
You just up and stopped trying.
I stopped trying?
I stopped trying 'cause I don't play weddings
on the weekends for $50?
All right, listen Will, I don't want to fight with you,
it's Christmas Eve.
I'll tell you what, why don't we just play that brahms concerto
in d minor, that was always...
We're leaving. Where are my lyrics?
I don't have your lyrics, Will.
You're gonna have to call your mother.
Okay. Marcus, we're leaving.
Say goodbye to your friends.
Would it have hurt you so much to just say,
"you wrote a hit song, Will, and you made a lot of people happy
at Christmas, and I'm proud of you"?
Would it have killed you?
Come on, Marcus, your mom's expecting us.
Oh, I think I finally understand.
You hate Christmas because you hate runaway sleigh,
and you hate runaway sleigh because it ruined
your relationship with your father.
Come on, Marcus, let's get out of here.
Choir: ♪ sharing so much joy and cheer ♪
♪ Sharing so much joy and cheer ♪
Oh, it was a real yule log of a day.
[Sighs]
You know, it's funny.
I used to think, you know, "why does dad love penguins
"more than he loves me?
Why can't he be more of a dad?"
You know, hang around the house, watch TV,
live on the same continent?
But the problem is, you can't pick your dad.
But the cool thing is, is you can pick your friends.
And I'm really glad you picked me.
You're a really, really wise person, Marcus.
Thanks, Will.
Ow, stop, it's too hard.
You know, sometimes it helps me to howl.
What's that now?
Well, my mom taught me that, when I'm upset about things,
you know, big things, it's healthy to howl.
Yeah, I'm not sure that's a universally recognized wisdom.
[Howling]
Marcus...
Uh, Marcus, we're in public.
Marcus, you gotta stop, I'm not gonna howl with...
Both: [Howling]
I just got a text from Marcus, they'll be here in a minute.
You guys ready for a white Christmas?
All: Yeah.
I said, are you ready for a white Christmas?
Oh! Oh!
Dad's hanging off the roof!
Oh, my... You clumsy idiot.
I am not gonna raise four children by myself.
Andy! Andy!
Oh, quick... let's... just...
Grab on.
[Screams]
Oh, my God.
All right, Andy.
I am so sorry, Fiona.
Oh, no, it's all right. I mean, you're not dead.
Plan a was a disaster, but we'll get a plan b.
I don't have a plan b.
But you know, it's Christmas.
- I almost died. - That's what you get for
trying to be a show off.
[Little bit of love by Katie herzig]
♪ Put a little bit of love outside ♪
♪ Put a little bit, a little bit of love out ♪
♪ Put a little bit of love outside ♪
Go, go, go.
♪ Put a little bit, a little bit of love outside ♪
Good boy.
♪ [Vocalizing] ♪
Oh, it's so beautiful.
You're here!
Look, I wanted to give you a white Christmas.
I wanted you to remember there's magic in Christmas,
no matter what Will says.
After seeing Will and his dad tonight,
I don't need Santa, or snow machines, or fancy lights,
all I need is you, mom.
You are my Christmas.
Oh, I'm your Christmas,
you're my Christmas, darling.
I don't suppose you'd like to stay for some eggnog, would you?
Actually, Fiona, I would love to stay for some eggnog.
And if it's okay with you, I'd love to stay and celebrate
Christmas, too.
Oh, we'd love to have you.
- Thanks. - Do you hear that, kids?
It's a Christmas miracle, Uncle Will's gonna spend Christmas
with us.
God bless us, every friggin' one.
In fact, could you draw up the papers, I wanna sign
and just end this crazy lawsuit and settle.
It's too late, dummy, stalker Stacey withdrew the offer.
We're going to trial. You could lose everything, Will.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
That sucks. Okay, wow.
All right, well, who cares, you know?
We're here. We could've all spent Christmas
on our own, but we have chosen each other.
I think that's cause for celebration.
All right, so let's bring it in.
I'm not sure this is a Christmas thing,
it's more of a sports thing, but...
- Wait, that's Runaway Sleigh. - [Cello music]
My God, Will.
[Cello music]
Yes, quadruple output!
All: ♪ won't you ride in my runaway sleigh ♪
♪ The reindeer might be biting ♪
Sync and corrections by madhatters www.addic7ed.com