[♪]
NARRATOR: The unsuspecting Major Anthony Nelson
was assigned the task of escorting the ambassador
from the tiny Middle Eastern kingdom of Kasha
through the NASA complex.
Kasha has the only known deposits
of refinable phinkilium,
needed for the NASA propulsion systems.
The assignment would have been routine,
except Jeannie's uncle,
ruler of the neighboring kingdom of Basenji,
chose this moment to arrive at the Nelson house
to announce that he was giving up his throne
in favor of Jeannie.
Major Healey has been helping Jeannie decide
what to give Major Nelson
for his fifth anniversary as her master.
Her uncle's arrival decided her.
She would give her master a country.
But when she asked Major Nelson to marry her
and become the new sultan,
he made the mistake of saying that he wouldn't marry her
if she were the last genie on Earth.
And that is when his trouble began.
Goodbye, master.
Forever.
[♪]
Jeannie? Jeannie!
Uh, I didn't mean it.
Jeannie, he didn't mean it.
Even if he did, he's the one who said it, not me.
I didn't do it.
This is no time to joke. She might really be gone.
Wasn't me.
Oh, thank heavens. Here's the bottle.
Give me those.
[CLEARS THROAT] Uh, Jeannie.
Listen, I'm... I'm really sorry for what I said.
I... I didn't mean it at all. I...
What happened was, that I... I was pretty angry at your uncle
and...
I hope you'll forgive me.
[♪]
Maybe she didn't hear you. Uh.
Jeannie, come on out. I... I brought you some flowers.
There's nothing in there. Oh, yeah.
And she left me a note.
What's that? You read it.
Well, I'm afraid she's really left you this time.
I can't believe it.
[SIGHS]
Well, uh, think of the bright side of...
You're a... You're a free man now.
Yeah, sure. Jeannie won't be around
to make any more trouble for me, that's for sure.
And you don't have to make up any of those wild stories
for Dr. Bellows. Yeah.
I don't have to think up those cockeyed explanations
for all the nutty things she used to do.
Yeah. From now on you're just
an average, everyday astronaut.
Huh? Average, everyday astronaut.
Yeah, that's right. I'm a free man, huh?
[LAUGHS] Yeah! What am I worried about?
I feel like a... A big weight's been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh... Thanks, Roge.
That's the spirit. That's the... That's the spirit.
Oh. You're really taking this like a man.
Jeannie? Jeannie.
Where are you?
Jeannie.
What are you doing? Huh?
Well, I... I just wanted to make sure that she didn't, uh,
ch-change bottles, you know.
I thought you were glad to get rid of her.
Yeah, well, I am. I... I just wanted to be sure she's not here
before we celebrate, you know?
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah, well, maybe we'd better look around
before we start whooping it up.
Yeah, you look around, huh?
I'll check the living room.
Jeannie?
[♪]
Jeannie? Jeannie?
Jeannie.
Jeannie?
Now, come on.
Oh.
[SPUTTERS]
Not in there either.
Uh.
Major Nelson.
Major, are you here?
[GRUNTING]
Roger! Roger!
Hey, Roger, would you help me
get this bottle off my finger?
Oh. Colonel Bellows.
What happened to Tony?
He seems to have knocked himself out
with a pop bottle.
I have terrible news.
Major Nelson has been dropped
from the astronaut program.
TONY: Jeannie.
Jeannie...
[♪]
The general is very determined, major.
Frankly, I don't think it'll do much good,
but I'll stand by you.
I'll stand by you too, Tony, till the end.
Uh, sir, whatever happened was an accident.
See, it was not my fault. I... I'd like a chance to apologize.
Major Nelson, he insists that you tried to stab him
with a dagger, slit his throat with a scimitar,
uh, throw him into a den of tigers,
and poison him with a glass of acid.
Now, somehow I don't think
an apology would be sufficient.
[LAUGHING] A den of tigers? Really, sir.
I know, major. I know.
But you can see the position this puts me in.
We need that phinkilium desperately
for our propulsion systems.
And when the Pentagon hears that we've lost it...
well... somebody's head's got to roll.
Oh, but general, Major Nelson
is one of our finest officers.
I know, doctor.
But it's either his head or mine.
[SIGHS]
That's very nice of you, sir.
You can always get a job with an aircraft company.
Healey...
when that's the choice...
he loses.
Oh.
[SIGHS]
Well, I did my best, old buddy. I...
Colonel. General.
Hold it, Healey.
You're in this too.
And as the old saying goes,
two heads are better than one.
ROGER: Oh, thanks a lot, old buddy.
There's nothing I wanted more than six months' duty
in the Aleutian Islands. TONY: Don't blame me, Roge.
Jeannie got you into this.
ROGER: Why isn't she up here tracking satellites, instead of me?
TONY: If we're gonna get along,
don't mention Jeannie's name again.
ROGER [SHIVERING]: I didn't bring it up. You did.
TONY: Don't shake your fist at me.
ROGER: Who's shaking his fist?
I can't stop shivering.
Ooh. Oh... Oh... Oh...
[♪]
You are still mooning about that astronaut.
Ooh. Oh, I am not mooning.
He does not care for me anyway.
Forget all about him.
Soon you will have a new master,
and right here in Basenji.
N-now, let's discuss the list of suitors.
Hm.
Tsk. How do I choose?
Oh, it... It is very ingenious.
It is written that he who wishes to marry
into the royal family of Basenji
must first answer the riddle of the box.
Well. Very well, uncle.
I have agreed that I shall marry,
so I suppose it does not matter how my husband is chosen.
I shall be ready when the time comes.
[♪]
[SIGHS]
Good afternoon, oh, future queen.
Oh.
What's the matter with the future queen?
She's still attached to her former master.
Well, now, ahem, I want you to inform all of the suitors
that the day of the riddle
will be in exactly one week.
And be sure and tell 'em the rules.
He who is, uh, successful in answering the riddle of the box
will marry Jeannie.
And those that lose will be, uh...
Be, uh... beheaded.
[♪]
[BEEPING]
Explorer 8 disappeared from the screen
at precisely 21:08.
That's 2-1-0-8.
Right on beacon.
Mail call. This is Nelson, over and out.
Whoa. Whoa, cold. Oh!
Oh. Oh, cold.
I wish you'd take your snowshoes off
before you come into the igloo, huh?
They are off. My feet are swollen.
Oh, by the way, uh, Enik's got a friend for you.
Enik? Who's Enik?
Oh, it's a little Eskimo girl I met down at the mail drop.
Hot stuff, relatively speaking. Heh.
Well, Roge, you know we're not supposed to fool around
with Eskimo girls.
I know, but I've got no choice.
Did you ever try to kiss a walrus?
Huh? Here we go.
Uh, Dolly. That's for me.
Helen, that's for me.
Gwendolyn, that's for me.
Dr. Bellows. That's for you.
Do we stay here?
Oh, mail.
Oh, mwah, mwah, mwah.
Oh. Helen, Helen.
Hey, Roge! We've been reprieved!
You're kidding.
[CACKLES] Oh. You're kidding.
Listen to this. "Major Anthony Nelson..."
Blah, blah, blah, blah... Oh,
"Since NASA has been able to get phinkilium
"from an unexpected source,
"I have persuaded General Schaeffer to reinstate you both.
"You have been assigned to the Apollo 14 project.
"Proceed to Cocoa Beach now.
Best, Alfred Bellows." Alfred Bellows!
[BOTH CACKLE] Oh! Hello, Dolly.
Oh... Oh, listen. I gotta... Listen...
What's the matter with you? Why aren't you jumping around?
I can't. You're standing on my snowshoes. Oh. Oh.
Hey, wait a minute. Wait. Here's something else.
What's the matter? [SNIFFLES]
Oh, no. What's the matter?
What does it say, "cancel the previous message?"
"The tiny kingdom of Basenji
"will receive a..." "A new monarch on Wednesday
"when the maharani, Jeannie the First,
"will choose a husband and be crowned on the same day
in an ancient Middle Eastern ceremony."
Roge...
Jeannie's getting married.
Well, what's the matter with that?
You said you never wanted to see her again anyway.
And you believed me?
I haven't been able to get her out of my thoughts
since we've been here. Three whole weeks.
I... I dream of her every night.
I'm in love with her.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Hey... That's Wednesday. Wednesday.
Wait a minute. By the time you get down to Cocoa Beach
and ask Schaeffer's permission, it'll be too late.
I'm not going to Cocoa Beach. I'm going to Basenji.
[♪]
Basenji?
[♪]
You wanted to see me, general.
Oh, yes. It's about, uh, Nelson and Healey.
I see that you've okayed their assignment to the top position
in the Apollo 14 project.
If you're concerned about their health, sir,
I'm sure that three weeks in the Arctic
can only have toughened them.
No, it's not that.
It's... It's Nelson's stability and dependability.
Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, sir.
I'm sure he's learned his lesson.
Well, all right. We'll see. When will he be back?
Well, I just received word from the air base in the Aleutians.
Uh, they're ready to take off immediately.
That should, uh, bring them back about, uh,
oh, noon tomorrow.
Word of caution, doctor.
If I don't find Nelson stable and dependable...
Oh, he will be, sir.
Absolutely dependable.
I guarantee it.
[♪]
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait.
Where are you going? We're routed for Cocoa Beach.
Roger, this plane's going to Basenji International Airport.
You don't have to come. She's my Jeannie.
Are you kid...? We've just been reinstated.
If you do this, we're gonna get kicked out for sure.
Well, I can't help it, Roger. I'm in love.
Oh, goodbye, Dolly. Goodbye, Gwendolyn.
Goodbye, Helen. Goodbye, Tony. Goodbye, Roger.
Goodbye, world.
Boy, I'm running out of goodbyes.
[♪]
Now, Major Nelson, your first mass-land checkpoint
will be Juneau.
Course one-seven-oh vector.
Oh, Major Nelson, you're headed the wrong way.
Correct to one-seven-oh vector.
Major Nelson?
You're headed for...
Russia.
Russia?
Oh, I...
Sir, I'm sure there must be some mistake.
Yes, doctor, that's possible.
And you better hope it's true,
because if that plane lands in Russia,
I'll have you court-martialed.
[♪]
Come on, baby. Get me to the mosque on time.
Hello, firing squad.
Hello, anybody.
Get me out of here.
Please I gotta...
[♪]
[HORN TRUMPETS]
[♪]
People of Basenji,
today is the day
of the riddle.
Where are all the...?
Where are all the suitors?
There are none.
When they learned the rules, nobody wanted to play.
Oh. This is a disaster.
We must find Jeannie a new master.
How we gonna pay for all this crepe paper?
I have it.
You shall marry Jeannie.
Me?
[HORN TRUMPETS]
[♪]
[SIGHS]
Ah.
[♪]
Uncle Sule. Who is that?
Oh, that is only Osman, my child.
You know, due to our austerity program,
besides being secretary of the state,
why, he is also the royal executioner.
Executioner? What for?
Well, for the losers, naturally.
You know, I mean, if... If they don't guess the riddle right,
why, they're instantly beheaded.
Oh, uncle, that is horrible. I could not possibly do that.
Uh, not you. Uh, Osman.
You know, one zumph and it's all over.
Oh! Oh, that is terrible.
I refuse.
Oh, now, now, now. Now, don't worry, my dear.
I... The occasion may not even arise.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Suitors for the hand of Queen Jeannie
step forward and announce yourself.
[♪]
TONY: Wait a minute!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I demand the right to see the queen.
I demand the right to call a cop.
[GASPS] Master.
W-what...? What is the meaning of this?
You dare invade the imperial throne room
on the day of the riddle.
Jeannie, I want to talk to you.
SULEIMAN: Silence!
You have no claim on her.
You are not her master any longer.
Then I demand the right to ask for her hand in marriage.
Marriage?
But...
But master, you... You said that...
I know what I said, Jeannie.
And I must have been out of my mind.
I can't live without you.
I love you.
And I want you to be my wife.
Oh...
[GASPS]
[GIGGLES] Master.
Oh, master.
Oh.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, master. I...
Uncle Sule, I... I have changed my mind.
I do not wish to marry my master.
Send him home. Huh.
Send them both home.
Oh, just... Just... Just a minute, my dear.
On second thought, I will allow your foreign master
to enter the competition.
I mean, after all, the only qualification is
that he agree to abide by our rules.
Now, you do agree to abide
by our little rules, don't you...?
Oh, yes, yes. Uh, anything you say, Your Excellency.
You just tell me what to do.
Master, you do not understand. No.
TONY: Hm? Hi.
Oh, uh, what's that thing for?
Oh, uh, just casual interest.
[CHUCKLES]
Carry on. Ah.
Tony, I think you better give this thing some thought.
Silence!
Now, uh, advance to the riddle box.
And you, major, shall have the honor of going first.
Oh, thank you. Oh, don't mention it.
Uncle Sule, I will not allow it.
I do not wish my master to compete.
Oh, uh, unfortunately, my dove,
it is completely out of my hands.
It is written that all who wish
to guess the riddle of the box
may have the chance.
Uh, you mean all I have to do is tell you what's in the box?
[CHUCKLES] Childishly simple, isn't it?
[LAUGHS] Yeah. Ask him what happens
if you are wrong. Well, o-of course, there...
There is a small penalty.
[♪]
I told you we should have stayed in the igloo.
Guess. Uh... Well, yes,
I... I'm thinking. Um...
Guess.
Animal, vegetable or mineral?
[SNICKERS]
Your time is up. Guess!
An ingot of phinkilium.
What did you say?
An ingot of phinkilium.
Aw...
Can he have two out of three?
Huh? Oh. So sorry, major.
[LAUGHS] Boys, do your duty.
Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Wait a minute!
Uncle Sule! Ooh!
Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Let... Let's talk this thing over.
Hey. I'm in the United States
Air Force. I'm a major. I...
Wait a minute. Hold it. Hold it.
Hold it!
[INDISTINCT MURMURS]
Oh, Jeannie. What did you do that for?
Oh, I am sorry, uncle.
But now that I have my master back,
I no longer wish to be Queen of Basenji.
I will ride off. And goodbye, uncle.
Jeannie? Oh. Jeannie?
What about me?
I didn't want to come here in the first place.
[SCREAMS]
Jeannie?
Jeannie, would you come here, please?
Oh, master. [SCREAMS]
You love me. You love me, you love me Yes.
You were willing to risk your life for me.
Yes, stop it. How could I have doubted you?
You crazy pussycat.
Okay, okay, okay. That's enough, that's enough.
Oh, yes, master. Instantly.
Anything you wish. Anything you...
And do not worry. We do not have to get married.
I will return to my bottle and... And I shall be your genie,
and you will be my master, and I will obey your every command.
Blink me back to NASA.
Oh, yes, master. Instantly
Jeannie.
Your dress. Your dress.
Oh. Of course, master.
Oh, yeah, that... That's just fine.
Major Nelson. [GASPS]
No, no. Not here.
But master, Dr. Bellows.
All right, just stay here. That's an order.
Where did you come from, major?
The last we heard of you, you were over Russia.
Uh, you must be mistaken, sir.
We just got back from the Aleutians.
I knew you wouldn't let me down, major.
General, colonel...
I'd like to introduce you to...
my fiancée.
[♪]
Fiancée?
[GIGGLES]
Well... congratulations to you both.
I... I know you're both gonna be very happy.
Thank you, sir. Thank you.
Are you sure you weren't over Russia?
Oh, no, sir. We, uh... We left the Aleutians
about, uh...
We left the... Roger. Uh, uh...
Roger... Oh, yes. Yes.
Where is Major Healey?
Uh... Uh, didn't he come in with you?
Excuse me, sir. If I may
speak to my fiancée.
[CLEARS THROAT] Get Roger back.
Roger? Get him b...
Major Healey. You know. Oh, yes, ma...
Oh, darling. [CHUCKLES]
This is really goodbye, Dolly.
Goodbye, Gwendolyn.
Goodbye, Helen.
Major Healey.
Oh. General.
General. Oh, colonel.
Oh. Hi... Hi, Tony. Heh.
Rough flight, huh? Yeah.
There you are, Major Healey.
I assume that you've heard the good news.
Oh. Miss, don't you realize
this is a military installation?
Sir, she must have wandered in by mistake.
I'll take care of this immediately.
Roger... I know.
You've never seen her before in your life.
Major Healey...
this is Major Nelson's fiancée.
Fiancée? We thought you knew her.
Oh, you thought I knew her.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, well, I didn't recognize her with the...
It's a new hairdo.
Well, you two have been away three weeks.
I... I know Major Nelson wants some time
to greet his fiancée properly,
so why don't you both take the rest of the afternoon off.
We'll see you tomorrow morning.
Well... Thank you, sir.
Oh, thank you.
You know, general,
this is wonderful news.
I'm sure that she's gonna be a steady influence
on Major Nelson. Heh.
[♪]
Sir, they're... They're gone.
Well, of course they're gone. I told them they could go.
But, you don't understand, sir.
They... They disappeared.
Dr. Bellows, what is the matter with you?
But, sir, I swear to you, they...
They just disappeared.
I mean, they didn't have time to go through any doors.
One moment they were here, then the next minute they...
But I... Uh, come along, doctor.
Come along. General, I swear...
Yes. Let's go into my office.
I swear...
[♪]