CROSBY: I think I'm losing my business.
I think the Luncheonette's going under.
I just don't want you hiding from me.
I hate Mom. She's the worst.
It's so much better here with you guys.
I got Asperger's. I don't know what to say.
So, looking back, I think that
a lot of the stuff was me. It wasn't you.
AMBER: I asked you for a raise because I think I deserve it.
And now I'm like a total piggy and nobody's gonna wanna hire me.
And I gotta try to help my sister.
Max has feelings for you.
Do you think she likes me a three yet?
Wow, pretty.
His face is really blue. It's cute.
I didn't do that. You did do that.
You did a good job. I did these.
You did all of those. What should we call him? Mom.
How about Freddie? I need to know how to ask a girl out.
Freddie. What?
I need to know how to ask Dylan out on a date outside of this house.
We've had two dates inside of the house,
but because of that I'm worried that I am in critical danger
of falling into the friend zone.
And that is not a zone that I wanna be in. Okay.
And I can't ask Dad because he's still away on business.
So, again I ask, how do I ask a girl out on a date?
Listen. I understand.
Are you sure that you wanna do this right now?
I am absolutely sure that I wanna do this right now.
Maybe we should wait for Dad to get back?
I'm not going to wait for Dad to get back.
How do you ask a girl out?
Okay. All right. Um... (SIGHS)
How do I ask a girl out? Here's the thing, buddy.
Sometimes, sometimes the problem is, is when...
When you ask somebody out, you don't know how they're gonna respond.
I know exactly how she's going to respond and that is not what I asked.
I need to know the specific protocol.
Okay. Um... I guess you just...
You just ask them. You say, um,
"Would you like to go out on a date?"
Okay, understood. I'm going to go get changed.
Dad says ladies appreciate a little effort.
Are you sure you don't want to wait, Max?
(IN SING-SONG VOICE) Max has a girlfriend.
(SIGHS)
JASMINE: So, I was talking to my mom the other day.
Yeah? She was mentioning how her office is looking to hire
someone part-time to help with the filing.
Well, that's very exciting.
It is. Especially since...
It's paying $30 an hour.
To file? Yep.
What are they storing down there, launch codes?
I know, it's a lot of money.
That's why I told her I was interested.
You're interested in filing?
I'm interested in $30 an hour.
It could really help us out.
No, look, hon. That's...
That's not fun. You don't wanna do that.
Well, it's probably not gonna be fun. But it'll just be for a little while.
Until the Luncheonette gets back on its feet.
No.
Yeah. What's the big deal?
What you guys talking about?
Uh, we were just celebrating.
Your mom got a new job.
Oh, yay! Go, Mommy! Yay, Mommy! Yay...
Now can I get an iPhone?
No.
No, you just... You don't believe in me!
Oh, please don't try and manipulate me.
No, that's what it is. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. What's going on? What's going on?
Dad, Mom thinks I'm an idiot and I can't spend one night alone.
I... I don't think that you're an idiot, Ruby.
I think that some of your friends are idiots.
And I think those idiots are gonna end up at my house.
Mom, I promised you like 1,000 times, I will not have any people over.
I swear. Okay.
(STAMMERING) Yeah. Why not? I believe her.
Thank you.
She said it, right?
Thank you, Dad. It's nice to have one parent that actually believes in me.
Please. Really? You're gonna really just sell me up the river?
I just want you to tell me that you can watch Ruby tomorrow night.
Well, I can't. I'm not a baby. I don't need to be watched, Mom.
Yeah, and I got a client coming over, so I think it'll be all right.
Well I... I have a two day conference in Gilroy.
And now I'm gonna have to drive back at night,
unless we can find a babysitter for her.
No, we don't need a babysitter, okay?
Dad! Dad, can you please tell Mom that I'm 15 years old.
I'm not gonna have any people over and that she can believe me!
Look, I believe her. I'm gonna be here anyway, I'm five minutes away,
but if she gets scared or something... Okay, so it's settled!
Yeah. Okay. Thank you so much, Dad.
You promise, right? I... Yes!
She promises. I swear, okay?
Yeah. Thank you.
(SIGHS)
Hi, Max!
Hey, I had an idea for our chemistry project... Where is Dylan?
I don't know. I... I was thinking a watermelon volcano.
Have you seen Dylan?
Not really, why?
It's important that I find her.
Where is Dylan?
Uh, I saw her heading into the kitchen a few minutes ago.
That doesn't make any sense.
It's not even kitchen hours.
Ripped By mstoll
KRISTINA: You know how low we are on donations, Stephanie.
If you can give this to us, that would be amazing.
Mom. Yeah. Hold on one second.
Yeah, exactly. I know.
Mom. It's so much work.
Actually, hold on a second.
You need to expel Aaron Brownstein. Honey, stop it.
You cannot just barge in like this. You need to expel
Aaron Brownstein.
I'm gonna go ahead and call you back, but put the order in. Okay, bye.
You cannot just barge in like that, honey.
When we're at school, I'm... He was in the kitchen during hours
when he was not permitted to be in the kitchen.
Okay, honey. That's not really an expulsion-worthy...
He's also extremely disruptive, unable to focus and he has behavioral issues.
Sweetheart, every kid at this school has behavioral issues.
That is the entire point of Chambers Academy.
No, Mom. He broke the rules.
Stop. That should be reason enough for you to expel him.
Babe, I need you to sit down. This is a private school!
You don't even need a reason, you can just expel him if you want to.
Can you just please calm down?
I can't! Yes, you can.
I can't while a student like Aaron Brownstein is allowed to roam the halls.
(SIGHS)
This is the bottle warmer here.
There's mushed up vegetables in the fridge,
which she doesn't like, so you're gonna have to kind of force-feed her.
Yeah. Well, I think I have a few tricks up my sleeve. (CHUCKLES)
Okay, hey, thank you so much for doing this.
Oh! I really appreciate it.
Of course, it's great to get in a little Aida time.
Yeah. Well, we'll see if you
feel that way after she screams
for two hours straight.
We'll be fine.
Jasmine must be so excited about going back to work.
Yeah. She, uh, yeah.
Yeah, okay. I love you.
Yeah. Is she back at Berkeley or, uh,
is she teaching somewhere else?
She, um, she decided not to go back into teaching.
So, yeah, okay. Oh, really?
I love you! What's she doing?
Um, she is actually, um, filing
uh, administrative... You know,
admin and filing...
Filing? Yeah, it's a work... You know.
Really? Huh. Yeah.
I mean, between you and I, I think she was feeling
a little cooped up in the home
with the baby all day, so it's really just
an excuse to get out of the house.
Yeah, sure, well I can understand that. Yeah.
It's gonna be good for her.
She's gonna like it.
I love you. I love you.
Say bye to Daddy. Bye-bye, Daddy.
Bye-bye, sweetie. Don't eat all your apple in one bite.
JASMINE: Seems easy enough.
This is gonna be so much fun.
You and me working together.
I know, I know. It's gonna be great.
Thanks for making this happen, Mom.
Of course. I must admit I was a little surprised that you took the job.
I thought you didn't wanna go back to work until Aida was a little older.
Okay, Mom. Out with it. You don't have to dance around it.
Dance around what?
Well, Jasmine, I know that being a file clerk is not your dream.
So, I'm not gonna pretend that I'm not a little worried.
Well, you don't have to worry, you know?
Things are just a little bumpy at the Luncheonette. That's all.
How bumpy?
Jasmine, I am your mother.
And if you are having financial problems...
We're not having problems yet.
But Crosby's optimistic things will turn around.
Honestly, I don't... I don't know.
Hey, Ben. Hi, Renee.
There's that. Is this, uh, your daughter?
It certainly is. Jasmine, this is Ben.
He's one of our senior accountants.
Hi, nice to meet you. Very nice to meet you.
I just wanted to tell you how amazing your mother is.
She is, she is.
She's our rock star around here. She is.
Hope you'll be here for the long haul too, though.
Thanks, Renee. Thanks, Ben.
What? This is too good for you?
I didn't say that.
All right, we might be doing this for 10, 20 years together, girl.
Can I have benefits? (CHUCKLES)
(SINGING) Does your cat like his food?
Or does he push it away with his little paw and act really rude?
BOTH: Meow, meow, meow
That's the sound of a hungry cat
BOTH: Meow, meow, meow...
This is demoralizing.
Yeah, well, this is what you get when you have to pivot your business model.
It's a lot of jingles.
It's really bad. And Amber, thank you for inviting me to hear this.
Mm-hmm, enjoy. Well, at least it's a paycheck, you know?
Yeah. It is a paycheck.
Ooh! It's giving me a pretty bad headache, though.
Can you please google what the strongest painkiller a pregnant person can take is?
Hold on. I gotta wait for my econ grade to load.
Econ? Yeah.
Why would you take econ? You're like, really bad at math.
I'm not bad at math. Yes, you are.
You're famously bad at it. I'm very good at math.
No, no. Everyone in the family knows you're bad at math.
If you're good at math, uh, multiply $478 an hour (BOTH MEOWING)
Times three hours, so we can know how much we're selling our souls for.
Oh, and by the way. Didn't you know that it was $300?
What do you mean it's 300? Yeah.
SINGER: What did you guys think? Adam gave them a special rate.
A special rate for this?
Hello? CROSBY: It should be twice as much...
I don't know what to tell you, we couldn't get them in the door otherwise.
What, huh? Did you like it?
Wow. Just, wow. It was really something.
You know, it felt... It felt the same way in here.
Let's go again. Yeah, let's do it again.
Well, we could land on the moon 10 more times,
but you know, the flag's already planted, so...
Wow. Yes, yeah.
Take a flyer. Expel Aaron Brownstein.
He is a menace to our society at large.
Hey, Max. What are you doing?
Here. Expel Aaron Brownstein.
I took my problems to the administration but they ignored my voice
so I'm taking it to the people.
Yo, man, the administration is your mom.
I am very well aware that the administration is my mom.
Hey, Asperger's. You running for mayor or something?
It's important that everyone know exactly what kind of student Aaron Brownstein is.
Yeah, he's a freak. We're all freaks, Max.
That's the point of the school. No, he's worse.
He is a menace. And he deserves expulsion.
Hey. Here.
What the hell is your problem, Braverman?
Problems. Plural. They are clearly listed in this flyer.
Get those papers out of my face!
What is wrong with you?
You're such a little bitch.
Excuse me?
Calling students derogatory names, do you hear that?
Okay, Max. You didn't have a problem when I said...
Yeah, no he called me "a little bitch." Okay, I... I heard it.
Those were his exact words. Get out of my face!
Everybody, can we please just...
Max, you're being a little too Asperger's.
Aaron, you're being a little too ADHD.
I'm gonna kick your ass, Braverman!
Stop! Can you guys please just stop?
Get out of here! KRISTINA: Stop, Max.
Can you please stop... Stop it, stop it. Stop. Stop!
Stop! Stop! Both of you. Max!
Max! Stop it!
What is happening? He started it.
I don't care who started it, get in my office.
No! Get in my office, right now.
Both of you. Aaron, go.
What?
"Excessive PDA." What does this even mean?
He was kissing Dylan.
Honey. Honey, get in my office, please.
Get back to class and pick this up, please.
Aaron, you can go back to class.
Hey, Max. Um...
We have to talk about this, buddy.
What just happened... Everything in the flyer is true.
I don't really wanna talk about the flyer, babe. I...
Look, I know how you feel about Dylan,
and I know that things... As headmaster, my personal feelings are not your concern.
But buddy, I'm your mom too, you know?
And I know that your feelings are really hurt.
I know that.
I don't wanna talk about it.
Okay.
Am I in trouble for distributing the flyer?
(SOFTLY CHUCKLES)
No, honey. You're not in trouble.
Can I go to class?
You can go to class.
(LOUD PUNK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(LIP SYNCING LYRICS) Hey, ho, let's go! Hey, ho, let's go!
Hey, ho, let's go!
They're forming in a straight line
They're goin' through a tight...
(MUSIC STOPS)
Hey! You just scared the crap outta me.
You're scaring me. I'm worried.
Should I be worried? You should knock.
I should knock. Okay. Before you just barge in.
I'm trying to cleanse this place with a little punk rock
after that cat endeavor we went through.
Yeah, that was bad.
Woo! Think I hurt my neck.
Well. If you liked the cat commercial,
you're gonna love this. Just got a call from Adam.
Oh, boy. We got ourselves a toothpaste commercial, baby.
(GROANS)
That's right. Oh, tell me it's a brightening one.
Obviously it's a brightening one.
We're not chumps.
Oh! By the way, at the reduced rate. Oh, it's at the reduced rate!
BOTH: Yay!
Oh, my God. Aye, aye, aye.
I don't wanna record toothpaste commercials. I wanna...
I wanna record the Foo Fighters or Metallica or you know...
Something. Yeah. Me too.
Hey, I... I have this crazy idea. Okay, just hear me out.
I heard this band and they're called Cornfed.
Uh-huh. Which is the grossest name in the world.
They're really good. Terrible, terrible name. Yeah.
But they're good, right? Uh-huh.
And so I did some digging and it turns out they're looking at recording at Bay View.
At Bay View? I know.
Why not just record in the back of a cleaning van?
I mean, that is... I know. I feel the same way.
That place is the worst. But, so check it out, okay?
They're playing tonight. And I think that we should go there.
We'll go down to the Elbow Room, you and me, and we'll be really passionate.
Yeah, yeah. I... I have a dinner date with my mother-in-law, which is...
Okay, first of all... (SNORING) Can't get no wiggle room.
And second of all, does it start at 11:00 p. M?
Because that's when they go on. 11:00 p. M?
That's almost midnight.
I can't go out at midnight.
Crosby, what are you, Uncle Adam? What's going on?
I am not Adam. No. You are Adam.
Look, I know that we're tired and we're stressed and we have a lot of stuff going on,
but you know, I didn't come here and join a rock n' roll studio
to play it safe, and I don't think that you did either.
You know, we're losing our soul here, and...
And if you, our creative heart of this whole studio
can't go out past midnight, then like, we're doomed.
Come on. Do this with me. Have this adventure.
Okay. Yeah, you in?
I'm in. Yeah!
I'm in. The pregnant girl and the dad. What a team!
Let's party hardy. They'll never see us coming.
(CAMERA BEEPS)
Okay, um...
Danielle, can you just get a little of that off the forehead?
There's a little shine there.
I'm gonna be one minute. Everything looks good, though.
(RINGING)
RUBY: Hey, Dad. Hey, how's it going?
(STAMMERING) Yeah, everything's fine. Um...
There's a Real Housewives marathon on TV, so, um...
My night is made.
Okay, good. Well, um, you know, if you get
spooked or anything, I'm... I'm right here. I'm just a phone call away.
That's, that's really sweet, but I'm fine.
Okay. Wait, what's that? (DISTANT LAUGHTER)
(GIRLS LAUGHING) What?
What was that? I heard something. I heard voices.
Maybe it's the TV or something... I didn't hear anything.
They sounded like people. Dad, you sound like Mom.
Okay? I... I... I made you a promise.
I'm not gonna have any people over, and I'm not.
I know. I know. Okay.
All right, I... I love you.
Okay, I love you... (HANGS UP)
Too.
Willia!
GIRL: Good to see you!
(LAUGHING) Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
I was so proud of Jasmine at work today.
(LAUGHS) She said you guys had a great time.
Mm-hmm. And I know it's not your dream job, but,
you know, you do what you have to do in this economy.
Yeah.
I mean, this economy has been hard on a lot of people.
I was talking to a girlfriend at church, and her son just got his real estate license.
Hmm. That's great.
I guess you don't have to have previous experience.
He just sold his first house.
Really? Good for him.
I thought so. Apparently the market has turned around completely,
so, I mean, I don't know if you'd be interested.
But if you want to hear more about it, I can put you in touch.
You know, I'm good. But, um, thanks for thinking of me.
Yeah, Mom. Crosby is pretty busy as it is. That was considerate.
Yeah, with the business I own. You know, the studio.
Well, I wasn't talking about leaving the studio.
I mean, that's your dream, right?
Oh, okay. But while things are slow...
Uh-huh. It might be nice, comforting,
to have a little something on the side.
Yeah. Yeah, like show houses on my lunch break?
Or maybe at night... some night showings? No, weekends.
Oh, great. Great idea.
I think he made 20 or $30,000. I mean, it's something to think about.
No, Mom.
What, did I say something wrong?
(MUFFLED DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(DIALING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
(WHISPERING) I have to take this.
Yeah, hi, Hank. Yeah, hi. She lied to me.
Ruby lied to me. It is, it's a party. Right now. Right now in your house.
Oh, crap. Yeah, it's big. It's big.
There's a keg. There's a keg right now. I'm watching a keg go in the house right now,
and I don't know what that is, marijuana paraphernalia? I can't tell at this distance.
Where are you? I'm, I'm here.
I'm right across the street. I'm just... Wait, hold on, hold on. It is.
It's marijuana paraphernalia.
Get... Get in there and bust it up.
What are you doing? I can't. No, I... I just...
I can't go in there. 'Cause... Yes, you can.
I just can't. You go in and you say, "Get the hell out!"
Yeah, but then, then she's gonna think that I don't trust her.
Yeah, because you didn't.
But we're... We're in a good place now, me and her.
Hank, there is a keg in my house,
and I need you to get it out.
She said, "I love you, Dad," okay?
You know, she doesn't say that a lot.
Oh, hold on. That's her.
Oh, my God. You made it. Oh, yeah!
God, I don't know what to do.
I know.
You never did. It's fine. I'm... I'm... I'm on my way home.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) One sec.
Oh. Hey. Hi, Mrs. Braverman.
Hey, um...
Come on in. Thanks.
Hi. Hi.
Do you want me to get Max? No, no. Um, can I...
Can I just... Can I talk to you?
Yeah, of course. Okay.
How did you get here? I just... I rode my bike.
Oh, okay. It's just late. So... Yeah.
Yeah, sorry. I'm sorry. It's okay. What's going on?
Um. Um, you've... You heard about me and Aaron?
Yeah, I've... I've heard.
Um, is Max... Is Max upset?
He was, he is. He's upset.
He keeps asking me why I like Aaron and I don't... I don't really know what to say.
I just, I like him.
I just like him. And... Yeah.
And then Max keeps talking about how the scale of affection is fluid and how
someday I'm gonna like him at a "five" or whatever,
I don't... I don't know. I'm really sorry.
Um, I'm never...
I'm never gonna like Max, like, in that way.
That's okay. That's how it goes. Yeah.
I didn't wanna hurt Max.
I know that you didn't, and he'll get through it. It's not...
It's okay. Okay. Yeah. I'm... I'm really, really...
Hi, bud. Hey, Asperger's.
What is she doing here?
Um... I'm your friend. She came by...
To hang out. Hang out.
Hang out, like friends. Yeah.
We're not friends.
Well, um...
Amber? Hi!
Hey. Help me up.
Your roommate told me you were here. Ow!
Yeah. Are you okay? Yeah.
So... I am here to steal you away for a surprise date night.
Uh, Amber, I can't. Sorry. I can't go on a date night.
Wait, you don't even know what this date night entails.
Big stuff. Yeah, well I have an economics retest to take tomorrow now.
So I can't do it. Okay, I know, school, school, school.
Yeah, school. But check this out.
We're gonna go to the Elbow Room. We're gonna see this amazing band.
We can go like backstage and talk to them and stuff 'cause I might sign them.
And this could be like, my big break and everything.
It's gonna be a whole adventure.
That sounds great, I just can't go.
Why? Because I have a retest, which means I didn't do good.
He's letting me redo it tomorrow.
So I have to... But you can go for a little bit.
You know full well we're not gonna go for a little bit. No, we will. Come on.
What? No, I can't go.
Okay, but it's kind of like, important for me, because this could be like, the last time.
This is kind of important for me.
But Drew, this could be the last time that you and I get to, like,
go out and be crazy and stuff.
What does that even mean? Before I have a baby.
Yeah, exactly. You're about to have a baby.
You're about to lose your job.
(SCOFFS) You know how much money it takes to raise a kid?
And Mom doesn't have any money either. So someone has to make some money.
Which is what I'm trying to do.
(ALL CHANTING) Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Ruby! Ruby!
Dad? Hi.
I'm Ruby's dad!
(CHATTER DIES DOWN)
I'm the dad, that means get out, now.
Let's go! Out, now!
Yeah, let's go. Let's go, Breakfast Club. Beat it.
Put it down, Jughead.
What are you doing?
I told you Amber and I gotta go to the club to hustle that band.
Yeah, I know. But what's up with the pot?
I mean, it's Tuesday.
Oh, we're on a "no pot on Tuesdays" rule now?
No more motorcycle. I need a different career, and now no weed on Tuesday.
Okay. Have it all. Here we go. I don't want that.
Here, take it, weed police. No.
Please. What... What's wrong with you?
Hey!
Honey, you went and told your mother that I'm having financial problems.
Oh, come on. Do you know how emasculating that is?
I took a crappy desk job. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out.
Yeah. And we are having troubles.
Yeah. Uh-huh. We, you and I, okay?
Yeah, yeah. Oh, believe me. It's not just you.
Yeah, I know it's not just me.
I know that there are four people I'm failing right now.
You, Aida, Jabbar, me. I'm not providing, I get it.
And we're all in this together!
Okay. Why can't you get that?
All right. You know what we're gonna do?
We're gonna take your mom's advice.
We're gonna be a husband and wife real estate team.
Oh, come on. Let's get our faces on park benches. That'll be great.
This is what I do. This is how I provide for the family.
It's an interesting, uh, bunch of friends you got there. A couple of weirdos.
Older kids.
Yeah, I really don't know how they all showed up.
I... I only invited, like, a couple people.
Yeah. Like, four people and then...
I don't know. That's how these parties go.
You know. See? Yeah. Yeah, you get it.
I mean, Mom would totally not get it and she would like, yell at me, and...
Yeah, well. You're not gonna tell her, are you?
Please. She already knows. Are you kidding? I... I...
Wait, you told her? What do you think?
You didn't. No, you...
Just clean up. Look, we have to clean this up.
You have to call her and tell her that it wasn't that big of a deal,
that it was just me and like, a couple friends.
It's... What do you mean? It's obviously a big deal.
There's... Look around! There's a keg in the bathtub!
Why are you getting so mad at me?
'Cause you lied to me! You lied to me, I trusted you.
And then you told me that you love me, which obviously was to manipulate me and it did!
I'm going to bed. No, you're not going to bed.
Ruby, we gotta clean this up! Ruby!
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, and I told you I loved you just to manipulate you, okay?
Because I really don't love you, at all.
I hate you.
AMBER: Seriously? Oh, oh, oh. Hey, hey.
Oh thank God, hi. So sorry I'm late. I'm sorry.
No, it's fine. It's fine. I just feel so embarrassed being pregnant here.
About what? What do you mean? It's like, embarrassing.
You look so cute! No, I don't. I look fat.
There'll be chubby chasers here. It's a very eclectic club.
No, it's embarrassing. You look so cute!
It's like, what am I doing out at a club? We're gonna have fun.
That's not the attitude. Aye, aye, aye. I hope that's true.
Go on in. Hey, arms out real quick.
Huh? Arms out.
You didn't frisk anyone else. What are you... Whoa! Why are you touching me, man?
What, is Obama inside or... What's that?
Well, it's weed. Yeah. It's my medicine, 'cause I have glaucoma.
I wanna be able to see the show. Well, you can't take it in.
What, Crosby? Did you bring weed? I'm in San Francisco.
What, I can't bring some grass in there? Okay, well, look.
If you wanna come in the club you can throw this away and I'll let you in the club.
I'm a dad of two. I have a mortgage,
I have a crazy mother-in-law, and this is my night to go in there,
burn a little leaf in the toilet, and relax.
How about you let me do that? I'll just go in and do that. Whoa!
Hey. Are you gonna be a problem? Ow, ow, ow.
Am I gonna be a problem? No, I'm not a problem. Just let me in.
No, I'm not gonna let you in. Oh, I'm a problem.
Hey. Hey, old guy. Hey, old guy. Move it along!
Okay. Why don't you pipe down, all right?
Crosby. Crosby, chill. Move it along!
Soundgarden broke up. They're not playing tonight!
Okay, One Direction's not playing either, so you're in the wrong line.
(INHALING) Crosby? Crosby.
Crosby, something's wrong. What?
Okay, okay, okay. Maybe I'm having the baby or something.
All right, okay. Okay. Okay, okay.
I gotta get to the hospital right now.
Okay, you guys are lucky. Oh, oh! Come on, come on!
You're a loser. You are a loser. Crosby!
Oh, my God. You just got saved by a pregnancy, bud.
Crosby! Crosby, come on! Thank your lucky stars. All right, bud?
You all right? You need me to carry you? No.
Okay, we're here. Don't worry. Come on.
Ow! We're... I'm gonna find you somebody, all right?
It hurts so bad. Okay, okay. Listen, um, excuse me.
Excuse me, we have a pregnancy situation here. What's going on?
Yeah, she's... I have some really bad pain or a cramp or something.
Okay, let's get you looked at. It feels like another one's coming.
Okay, do you want me to call your mom? Ow! No, it's fine.
All right. She's in Napa, she can't do anything anyway.
Okay, um, how about Drew? Should I get Drew on the phone?
Um, no. I don't wanna stress him out, it's fine.
Okay, you're gonna be fine, we're here.
Do you... And then I stay... Where do you want me? Crosby!
Oh, okay. All right.
Hank.
Hey, uh, they're all gone.
All the kids are gone, I got 'em all out.
And I cleaned up the whole place so don't worry, it's all clean.
Thank you. Where's Ruby?
She is asleep. And hating me.
It's not funny. No, it's no joke, I mean, she actually said it.
She said those words. She said, "I hate you, Dad."
Well, I'm sure she didn't mean it.
I'm pretty sure that she did. It sounded like she did.
Yeah, she... She probably did. (LAUGHING) Man.
What, are you happy? I don't get it.
Is this like an Asperger's thing that I can't...
No. No, I'm livid, actually. But with Ruby.
I feel like this is the first time I'm not on my own in this.
And it's nice. Yeah.
What do we do now, though? We gotta punish her? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. We are gonna ground her ass.
We ground her? To the wall.
Yeah. Three weeks.
Three weeks? Minimum. We could discuss it over a drink?
Did the kids bring anything good?
Actually, there's a bottle of, uh, brandy.
Ooh! Blackberry brandy.
Remember that? That'll do.
Yeah. Crack that open.
I feel like getting drunk.
(GROANS)
Oh, yeah. That tastes like high school.
Hmm.
I gotta tell you though, when, um...
When she said, "I hate you,"
even if she didn't mean it...
It hurt.
Yeah.
I know.
But even if she did mean it, she won't in the morning.
This is hard.
(CHUCKLING) I know.
I didn't think it was gonna be this hard.
Yeah.
Braxton Hicks contractions are very common,
and I see nothing you need to worry about.
How are you feeling? Much better, thanks.
Good. We're just gonna run a few more tests
and then you should be able to go home shortly.
Great. Okay? Great.
Thanks, that's a huge relief. Yeah, thank you.
It was a little scary on the car ride.
Yeah, sorry. I just...
I dragged you out and then ruined our big night out.
Huh? No, no, no, no. It ended up like this.
Are you kidding? Don't be sorry.
Are you...
The only jerk tonight was that big galoot who stole my dime bag of weed.
Okay? (LAUGHING) Crosby.
I'm on a budget right now so I can't be donating weed to door guys.
I can get you plenty of weed, that's not a problem. Oh, okay.
Seriously, though.
I ruined our chance at getting that band to record at the Luncheonette.
And, you know, are we gonna be okay without that?
Amber, it's... First of all, it's not on you to save the Luncheonette.
That's Adam and I's job. So don't take that on.
And you need to be prepared for the possibility that it might not be savable.
Crosby, no! You can't say that.
Crosby. Please, don't walk away from this yet.
I know we can still fix it. We love the Luncheonette.
I know. I do too, but you know...
There are certain realities that are going on right now and
you're about to find out what I'm dealing with which is, you know...
You're responsible for people, and they're counting on you, and you gotta support 'em.
Crosby. So I can't promise I'm gonna
go down with the ship, if that's what's happening. No, no! Don't give up, please.
This is the Luncheonette. This is like, our passion.
Please don't walk away from it just yet. I really think we can still fix it.
Hello, Dylan.
I've been thinking and it makes absolutely no sense that you would like Aaron.
You and I have more common interests than you and him,
and also I am taller than him and objectively speaking, I am much more attractive.
Yeah. Okay, Max...
So, the only reason I can think that you like him instead of me is that
I have not properly expressed the nature of my feelings for you.
Max, it's not... As such, I've made you this incredible and romantic gift.
Oh, my gosh, that is fantastic.
As you can see, I've incorporated horses into
this collage as I know you like horses from this drawing that you made.
Yeah, I see. Also, these are photos of you.
Some of them are candid, some of them staged.
And it shows my photography aesthetic. Dylan, this is so romantic.
It is an incredibly romantic gift, and as you can see,
I like you very much and I want you to be my girlfriend.
Yeah, um. It's... It's completely creepy.
Yeah. I don't care about what you two think.
Do you like it? I... I can't take this, Max.
I... I can't... I can't take this. Of course you can.
If it helps, I can also express my feelings for you verbally.
No, that's... That's okay. Oh, I totally wanna hear this.
No, that's fine. No, please. Go ahead.
I enjoy the way you talk to me and the way that your hair smells.
Okay, Max. Can you, can you please...
Also, you have incredibly blue, pretty eyes.
Max, can you please. Stop, Max.
I've been told to compliment your eyes and your smile from the Internet.
(WHISPERING) Max, please stop.
It does not make any sense. That's not the point, Max.
I just... Can you please stop? Please. No.
I'm not going to stop. Please.
It doesn't make any sense that you would like him more than me.
It's not that...
Also, I input all of our compatibility matches into an Internet matchmaker
and it told me that... That's not...
Buddy, can you come in my office for a second? No. I'm not coming.
I need to talk to you. Lunch is not over.
And I am not done expressing my love for Dylan. Max! Max, I don't...
I don't love you back. Okay? I don't... Why?
I don't know how to explain it. Then what is it about?
I don't know, Max! I don't understand.
I will never love you, okay? Please, just leave me alone!
Max?
KRISTINA: Max? Max! (HORNS HONKING)
What the hell is wrong with you?
Are you kidding me?
Max, buddy?
(PANTING)
Buddy, you can't do that to me, okay?
Can we talk about this? I just want...
I don't wanna talk about it. I know you don't wanna talk about it. Just please listen.
I know you're embarrassed and I know that you're hurt.
Okay? And that's totally normal. But I just wanna tell you
that I...
(GETTING CHOKED UP) I am so incredibly proud of you.
What you did up there took so much courage.
And I thought that your collage was absolutely beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful.
Dylan's friend said it was creepy. It's not creepy!
There was nothing about that that was creepy, honey.
You just showed your emotions, and, and do you know how many people can't do that?
It conveyed everything that you're feeling inside.
I had no idea you were feeling all those things and it's just...
Buddy, listen, I know that it sucks right now.
And I know that you're mad because Dylan doesn't feel the same way about you
that you do her, but I gotta tell you,
I guarantee that someday very soon you're gonna have all these emotions again.
And it's gonna be for the right girl.
And you know how you're gonna know it's the right girl?
Because that girl's gonna like you the same way back. I can guarantee you.
So I don't want you to get down.
And I don't want you to get upset,
'cause what you did was truly amazing.
It doesn't feel amazing.
I know.
Hey. Hi.
Can I talk to you for a second? I know you're busy.
Oh, it's fine. Okay.
Um... Oh, God. What's up?
I'm so sweaty. You're pregnant.
So, this is gonna sound dramatic, but I had to go to the hospital last night.
Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. I just...
The baby's fine? Yeah. It's fine.
I just had this like, really bad pain and it turned out to be nothing but still,
it was scary, you know and... Yeah.
And I wanted to call you like, obviously right away, but...
Like, I didn't wanna stress you out, and you've been so flipped out over this
whole thing and I just didn't wanna like, push you over the edge.
Oh, gosh. No. Okay, if you go to the hospital, you have to call me.
I know. And I don't wanna have there be any weird financial stress between us.
Yeah. It's something I have to figure out, not... Not you.
That's what I'm trying to do with all this. Is it?
Yeah. With economics?
There's not a lot of magic involved.
Economics is vaguely enjoyable. It's not terrible.
Vaguely enjoyable? Hmm. That's a rave review to base the rest of your entire life on.
But you know what I'm saying. I don't.
And frankly, I don't want you to waste any time on something that you don't really love.
I won't. I'm serious.
Me too, yeah.
Yes. I promise.
Okay. Thanks.
Hey. Hey.
I present to you our grounded teenage daughter.
May you fare better with her than I did.
Ruby, I will see you tomorrow. Okay?
Please try not to make your dad's life miserable. Hmm?
Okay. Okay. Good luck.
Yeah. Be strong.
Yeah, we'll be all right. Bye, guys.
All right, bye-bye. Bye.
What? Nothing, nothing.
Just surprised you didn't run in your room already, slam the door.
Well, I... I can't watch TV or go online or talk to my friends, so...
I hope you're prepared to entertain me.
Well, you don't need any of that stuff. We're gonna... We'll figure something to do.
Do whatever you want. You want to, uh...
How about a puzzle? You wanna do a puzzle?
(MUMBLES) No?
That's like, when I was 10, Dad.
Yeah. Yeah, no, I know. Um...
Cards. You wanna play some cards?
Okay. What game, though?
Any game you want. I mean, I know poker the best. Do you know poker?
No.
Well, wanna learn it? Okay.
Yeah. All right, I'll learn poker.
Yeah. That's good, every kid should know poker.
All right, good. I'll teach you, um, Texas Hold 'Em.
Okay.
Don't tell your mom. Tell your mom we did a puzzle, all right?
All right, so this is Texas Hold 'Em. We're gonna give you some chips.
This is gonna be your money. Like, I'm gonna give you 10 of these.
Each one's a dollar. I'll take 10.
And when you run out, you owe me ten dollars. No, I'm...
Yeah, I'm not gonna let you win, though.
No, you took my privileges, you can't take my money, too.
Well, it's my money, anyway, really, right?
So, we'll just do it that way.
Okay, we get two cards each.
Okay. These aren't good, though.
Wait, can I get more... No! You don't do that.
See, you don't do that in poker, you just keep a straight face.
You don't... You don't show any emotion.
Okay. So then, you're really good at it, then.
(CHUCKLES) That's funny. That's a joke, right?
Yes. All right.
(KNOCKING)
Hey. Hey.
So, I get back from work about 4:00, maybe we can take the kids for some ice cream later?
Yeah. Good?
Honey, I hate that you're doing this.
I don't. I'm doing what we have to do for the family.
Yeah, but I... I hate that you have to do this.
It's not like you wanted to do this.
I feel like such a failure.
Why, baby?
Because, I... You know...
We took all this risk at the Luncheonette.
And we stupidly followed this dream,
and I should've been playing it way more safe.
I should've sold the Luncheonette when I had the chance
and just worked and taken care of everybody and...
I'm sorry, I just really regret that I...
My appetite was that big.
Well, you shouldn't, because it's not a stupid dream.
And I can do some providing too, you know?
It's okay. Yeah, I... Clearly.
Yeah. But you know, you have dreams, too.
You wanna open a dance studio. You don't wanna file documents all day.
No, and I'm not, forever.
We'll all get our time to shine, baby.
It's okay. I love you.
I love you. And I believe in you.
Gimme some sugar.
Ripped By mstoll