I still don't get the ending to that movie.
The blind guy and the dark-haired guy
- were actually double agents. - Right.
And they were both working for the bald guy in the wheelchair.
No, the bald guy in the wheelchair
was in a trailer for a completely different movie.
I wondered why he disappeared so early!
You're bad at movies.
Hey, why is there a sock on our door?
[CLEARS THROAT]
- Hey, guys! - Oh, I'm so sorry.
We really didn't know that you were gonna be home.
Not like we were really gonna get that far anyway.
[CHUCKLES] It's a couch, right? Second base, tops.
- How was the movie? - Apparently not long enough.
Didn't you guys see the sock on the doorknob?
You can't put a sock on the door of an entire apartment.
It's supposed to go on your room.
- This isn't a frat house. - Let him have his fun.
I mean, you don't get a Ferrari and keep it parked in the...
Why am I telling this to a Lamborghini?
Well, I'm sure you guys are tired and wanna get to bed.
- Seriously? - Sure. We'll get out of your hair.
Just be careful on that couch. That's where we made Graham.
I thought we made Graham at the Guggenheim.
Was that you?
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING] # Da, da, da #
1x22 - Changes
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
Last night was totally humiliating, guys.
Deborah and I need our own space. I'm putting my foot down on this.
Well, you're putting your foot down
on our hardwood floors in shoes we paid for.
If you get your own place, people can't just barge in on you.
- Good morning! - Well, normal people.
[SIGHS]
The first printing of my book is out.
I brought you all copies.
This is heavier than a mother-frittata.
Ah, it smells so good.
These are all for us? Thanks, Leigh.
No, thank you. You're buying them.
Now let me go get the box you're selling to your friends.
Come on, Mike, let's get to work.
The new guy from corporate is coming in.
Let's let the games begin.
Every once in a while, the network sends down
one of these stooges to check in on us.
Harris and I always send 'em running.
Remember that one time we convinced the guy
that the janitor was the ambassador from Russia,
and then he put him on the air?
Yeah, to be fair, Randy did a pretty good job
- on Meet the Press. - Yeah.
Okay, so you guys just terrorize these poor innocent men.
And women. We don't discriminate.
Oh, hey, there, Murder, She Wrote.
What's going on?
- I'm going analog. - Ah.
I'm embracing the simple life before computers.
I'm just gonna need a calendar, pencil sharpener,
stamps, eraser, spiral notebooks, dictionary...
Where's the box for Goodwill? It's time I get rid of this junk.
Oh, your junior detective kit. You used to love this thing.
Dad was right. It's time I get my own place.
What, really? [CHUCKLES]
I mean, don't you think that that's kinda sudden?
Well, I for one think that this is a great move for you.
And a great move for me, because once he's gone,
I can convert his old room into a darkroom.
Film has so much more depth than digital.
See? This one just feels so much mo... No, wait.
Hey, I'll help you look for apartments.
We'll get you out of this place in no time.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, Ian, I will help you. This is a big decision.
Mom, I can do this on my own.
But I could use some help getting out of these handcuffs.
'Cause I just...
All right, so if you take a look at these charts,
you'll see where I think the ratings should be in about a year.
What do you see?
A blank chart? You're damn right you do.
'Cause I think the ratings should be off the charts.
Who's he talking to, his Call of Duty buddies on Xbox?
Shh. I'm trying to take notes.
On what? He's showing us a blank chart!
- Talking about... - Yeah, you got a question?
Yeah, Zack, do you have any thoughts on how to dimensionalize
the contextual fragmenting of our news landscape?
That's a great question. I get asked that a lot.
Let me get back to it in a second.
- That question was complete gibberish. - Well, just because
you don't understand it doesn't mean he won't.
When you're talking about an effective news team,
it's all about attention, focus... [BEEP] Yo?
They got bottle service there.
Where's Harris? He usually follows up with a question in pig Latin.
Hey, Mike, I can be Harris for you.
"Yo, you believe this jive turkey? I mean, come on."
- Just... Just stop. - Any questions?
Okay, I combed the internet,
and this place sounded the most promising.
This is so exciting. I can't wait to see my... [THUD]
There's something blocking the door.
And it's a toilet with a burrito in it.
Which means there must be a Mexican restaurant nearby.
Nice.
Well, you know, Ian, this is what you can afford.
This is the best place that I could find.
Actually, it was the worst place.
I'm not ready for him to move out yet.
Well, maybe the bedroom's better.
[SCOFFS] Hey! You've got some backups.
I bet half of those don't even work.
Don't worry. You know what?
We're gonna find you a great place,
even if it takes us months. Or years.
Come on, Harris. This Zack clown is easy pickings.
Let's do the bit where we tell him everything he says is racist.
- That's racist. - You still got it.
Yeah. Hey, sorry I left you hanging,
but I was working on something, something I should have
told you sooner, but I wasn't sure how you'd take it.
I'm gonna propose to Leigh.
That bad, huh?
[TEARFULLY] We're gonna be brothers.
- I swear to God, if she hurts you... - I'm gonna go big on this.
String quartet, rose petals.
I even got Graham learning a little magic trick
- to present the ring. - Graham knew before me?
- Well, I... - Eh, let it go. It's all happy.
Harris, yo, can we rap for a second?
- That's racist. - Oh, ho, my brother! [LAUGHS]
All right, come in there in about five minutes.
We'll do what we did in '98.
Bad news. Satellite's down.
We're gonna have to broadcast the old-fashioned way.
Mike, it's not a great time.
That's okay, just hold this as high as you can.
You may feel a couple of shocks, but that just means it's working.
Mike, I just got fired.
This isn't about the satellite, is it?
Wait, I'm being told it's fixed.
- I got the coaxial transponder. - No, no, not now, Doug.
[ELECTRIC SIZZLE] Mother of God!
This whole thing is ridiculous... they can't fire you.
You're the heart and soul of the station.
It's terrible.
You should tell that to your face, because it's smiling.
I'm sorry, it's just that... Leigh and Harris are gonna be engaged!
The work thing though, that's bad.
It's really bad. Bad, bad, bad.
Did you pick out your colors yet?
- I'm gonna go. - You know, I didn't expect to get fired,
but I'm looking forward to some downtime.
No, no, I'm getting you your job back.
I'm going down there, and I'm gonna give that punk
some buzz words of my own.
Oh, Mike, I'm fine, really. Don't do anything rash.
What are they gonna do, fire me? I don't care.
Harris, I've been practicing my trick.
Pretend this is the ring.
Abracadabra!
Ta-da! What? It was supposed to turn into a rabbit.
Damn it, Graham, that better not happen
when it's my grandmother's ring.
Is anybody else worried about where this rabbit is?
- I know what you're doing. - Ah!
I paid for your clothes. I can wear them if I want to.
No, you're sabotaging Ian's apartment hunt
because you don't want him to move out.
Why do you care? What's your angle?
- Hey, guys. - Good morning!
- Hey, buddy! - So, Mom, turns out you were wrong.
I found an apartment in my price range
where there wasn't a murder recently,
and I'm gonna go check it out right now.
Oh, honey, that's great. I'm gonna come with you!
- Me too. - Really?
- Wow, thanks. - Really.
- You guys are amazing. - Stop it... [GRUNTS]
Excuse me!
- Harris, what are you doing here? - Hey.
I thought we might grab some brunch.
I wanted to talk to you about something.
Oh, no can do. I have a marketing meeting with my publisher.
We're such a power couple.
- Power couple, huh? - Yeah.
I'm a young, up-and-coming literary phenom.
You're a sexy, news-type guy.
I don't even really know what your title is.
But we are firing on all cylinders. I love that about us.
Yeah, I love that too.
Mwah. So, uh... Mwah.
Mmm.
- We'll talk later. - Okay.
- Sure. After work? - Yeah, work.
Um... can't be late. So I better go to work.
- Bye. - Yeah, bye.
Oh, wait, you left your...
[WHISPERS] Oh, my God.
Oh, my...
He was gonna propose, and I messed it up!
The one Tuesday I don't go to brunch.
- So what do you think? - Great kitchen.
It'll be so easy to organize.
You wanna put the things you use the most at eye level,
which for me is soups.
It doesn't have to be soups in your case.
I'm not saying don't have it be soups. I'm just saying...
Are you even a soup guy?
There's so much I don't know about you.
And now is not the time to find out.
I'm gonna go check out the bedroom.
This place is amazing, Ian. It's got lots of natural light.
Yeah, you know, maybe a little too much.
I mean, with Ian's fair complexion, it could be sunburn city.
Hey, now this... this is a state-of-the-art feature.
Think about it, Ian. You could do all of your ironing
for big, important meetings right here.
Yeah, I'm not sure that this is so safe.
I mean, this sucker could just fly open out of nowhere,
hit Ian right in the temple, and then, bam!
Before you know it, he's got a little monkey helper
and he's sipping pudding through a straw.
Oh, come on. That's not gonna happen.
You guys, these closets... Oh! Hunger Games!
This place is a death trap! Mom, you were right.
All right, don't you mess with me. I'm a master manipulator.
Do you remember two years ago when you just decided
- to go to summer school? - What are you talking about?
That was just my idea to get some of those credits
out of the way while killing off those idle summer months. [GASPS]
[WHISPERS] Yeah. "Your idea."
- Zack, we need to talk. - Hey, Mike. Cop a squeezle.
"Squeezle" means "squat".
Yeah, I know what squeezle means.
I've been squeezling squats since before you were born.
I need to talk to you about Harris.
"When in the course of human events..."
Mike, Mike, I'm gonna stop you right there.
Harris wasn't my call. Okay, the ratings were down,
and the guys upstairs just wanted me instead.
All that aside, I don't like the direction this station's going.
Good, good, let's talk about it. I'm here for a reason.
I'm here to showcase your abilities as a hard-nosed journalist.
You're the smartest guy here, easy. I mean, this is just a fact.
Well, I wouldn't say that.
I mean, I do The New York Times Saturday crossword puzzle
in seven minutes in ink, but... that's not why I'm here.
I hope you're here to talk about your hair.
I don't wanna make this weird, but I need to know something.
- I need to know how you got it so shiny. - Yeah, this old mop?
This guy was slick. It was clear he was trying to deflect
me with flattery, but after 10 minutes, I put my foot down.
It's just a store-bought conditioner,
but the secret is to use it every other day.
But back to the reason why I'm here.
I think it was Gandhi who said...
Mike, I wanna make you lead anchor. Susan's out, you're in.
Now, what was it that Gandhi said?
Something about being flexible and weighing all your options.
- Hey, Harris. - Hey! So how'd it go with Zack?
Well, I went to see him, and it... kinda got away from me.
Oh, my God, you quit, didn't you?
- Well... - Oh, it means
so much to me that you'd do this. How you holding up?
- I've felt better. - Oh, come on, cheer up.
We're just a couple of unemployed dudes
who get to spend the day together.
- Let's get brunch. - I can't.
Did I miss an article about how brunch
- is bad for you or something? - The thing is, I-I didn't quit.
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Good. [CHUCKLES] Just what I wanted.
[STAMMERS] I-I-I guess it's just I'm unemployed, right?
What a relief. Yay, Mike.
The funny thing is... and this is a funny story, uh...
Zack... made me anchor.
[LAUGHS]
- That is funny. - It is funny.
Yeah, I always thought you were happy
- being a correspondent, but okay. - Bright side?
You can focus more on your proposal to Leigh.
Well, actually, I'm gonna hold off on that for a while.
I haven't even told her I was fired yet.
- Why not? - Because somebody basically said
they were gonna help me get my job back.
But as I said, that would have been a foolish yet wonderful gesture.
You know? Oh, thank you.
That's really nice. Way to hook it up for a brother.
That's real nice of you.
Yep. Got it. No, thank you.
Hey, sweetie.
Sorry we had to go toe-to-toe on that Ian thing.
Hope you took it as a learning experience.
Yep, you got me.
Somebody better call child protective services,
because you just beat your daughter.
Well, I'm gonna let you enjoy that healthy snack
that you think you learned to love on your own.
Oh. Got me again, Mom!
So are you ready to show me that place?
Let's do this.
Hey, you. I wasn't expecting you to drop by.
Now that I knew Harris was gonna propose,
I wasn't gonna mess it up again,
but I didn't want to tip him off. So I had to play it cool.
Let's have a chat right now,
directly over here.
Is that a nanny cam? Why are there three of them?
Yesterday you had something important to tell me.
- I changed my mind. - I screwed up again, didn't I?
I found the ring.
And I was gonna try to make this perfect moment
for you to propose, and this is the worst.
Look, I was gonna propose. It's just...
I got fired two days ago.
Oh, sweetie. You should've told me.
I know. I want to marry you more than anything. But...
- I want it to be perfect. - But we're already perfect.
Harris Wright, will you make me
the luckiest girl in the world
and ask me to marry you?
Leigh Henry,
- will you marry me? - Of course I will.
Oh, crap, wait. Hold on.
[CLICKING]
Of course I will.
Hey, Susan, listen, I hope there's no hard feelings.
- Ah! I had a nightmare like this. - Oh, I am definitely a nightmare.
Since I have been demoted to "Pet of the Week" segments,
Zack thought it was a great idea
to give me a warm and friendly makeover.
There they are, my rock star QB and the head cheerleader.
You guys psyched about the new consultant I brought in?
- America's Kathie Lee? - Sorry.
I was just washing out a human bite!
Yeah, Susan was a little resistant at first,
but then I shared with her my secret of how I stay
so damn perky no matter what tool I'm talking to.
Box of rose?
You nailed it, Mike. Stay informed.
- I look like Shirley freakin' Temple. - I'll go talk to her.
All right, come on, babe. Consult.
- Uh-huh. - Hey, listen, the higher-ups
are gonna be watching tonight, Mike.
Okay, so you gotta make me look good.
It already spoke volumes that you were on board
with my decision to get rid of Harris.
Wait a minute, your decision? I thought it was them.
I lied. [LAUGHS] Sorry. I did it for you, though.
Come on, that guy was dragging you down.
Don't make me say it. I said it.
Let's just go do some news!
Boom. TV!
This place is amazing.
And so cheap. How did you find it?
In the newspaper.
I started reading it because, you know, analog.
The people who list there have no idea how much things cost now.
- Ah, another bonus, built-in tie rack. - What?
- Sorry I'm late. - How did you find us?
Junior detective kit. Pretty useful.
Damn you, analog.
Did you really think that you could get away with this,
- you naive, little... - There's a bow tie rack too.
- I'm taking it. - Great! I'll go get the landlord.
And the student becomes the master.
Look alive, people. Just 'cause you're not on camera
doesn't mean America can't feel your energy.
Let's do this. In five, four, three,
two, one.
This is NBC News 4 at 5:00. I'm Mike Henry.
For the first time in over 20 years,
someone other than Harris counted me in.
The cause of the blaze has yet to be determined.
And now a new segment here on NBC 4,
"Pet of the Week," with former anchor Susan Rodriguez Jones.
Thanks, Mike. [CAT MEOWS]
Today we're here with Snickers
to find this little sweetie a new home.
Ah! Mother of...
Okay, he is clawed.
And volunteers caution that he does not get along
with other animals... or children.
[SNICKERS WHINING] Or people.
Sounds like you two have a lot in common, Susie.
It was the first time, but also the last.
I was gonna throw the broadcast.
Hey, maybe you should adopt him, seeing as you both have no one.
[MUTTERS] Hey, no...
Well, some of us had to make sacrifices for the career you stole, Mike.
- Tell me this, as a future cat lady... - [MUTTERS] Don't say that.
does it give you comfort to know
that your cat will eat you after you die alone?
All right, that's it. I'm going after his hair.
Aah, don't touch the franchise!
The cat. The cat!
- Oh! Hey! - Don't you touch his hair!
- Yeah! Come on, Mike. What? - You're insane.
Here, devil kitty, devil kitty, here, devil kitty.
I should have left you in that swamp!
- Put that down! - Nice.
- Bo to a break! - Are we on a break?
[CAT GROWLING] His claws are digging into me!
This is a disaster. It's a historic disaster.
What's the Hindenburg of the news world? What would that be?
The Hindenburg.
Fast-forward to the part where you punch the cat.
Obviously you're both fired.
And on top of that, if you don't mind me...
[BEEP] Oh, I'm blowing up.
Yo, P-Money! What's up, player?
Yeah, dawg. [FORCED CHUCKLE]
A'ight. Yeah, yeah...
Word. I just got fired.
Oh, you don't get to keep the headset?
You know, there are people in this world that build people up.
Then there are people in this world that build people down.
And you, my friends, are down-builders.
I shan't forget this.
- Down-builders. - I got to hand it to you, Mike.
- That was a really good plan. - Well, it wouldn't have worked
if you weren't such a convincing sociopath.
Well, I didn't do it for you. I was trying to get out of my contract.
I got offered a job in China to be their Connie Chung.
It's okay, it's okay! It's okay.
We're good. [PANTING] I got the cat.
That's not good. [CAT YOWLS]
- Oh, dear Lord. Aah! - Oh, yeah!
Oh, I love it. It's got kind of an industrial feel.
See, she loves it. We all love it.
So let's sign that lease already.
Well, I have to admit. This place has everything.
Although, Ian, are you sure that you wanna live
all the way out here, so far from the people that love you?
You know, I hadn't thought of that.
[CHUCKLES] No, no, no, no.
This place is great. The toilet has its own room.
No, no, mom's right.
I should be around people who love me.
I just want you to be happy.
And that's why I'm gonna move in with Deborah.
That's... What's that now?
Really? [GASPS]
That's great! I thought you said it was too soon.
Well, I did, but mom convinced me.
- Ohh. - It's almost as if
this was her plan from the beginning.
Well, you know, she is the master manipulator. Right?
Well, well, I miss one broadcast and things go to hell around here.
Well, sure, we all got fired, but at least the cat got adopted.
Hey, look, I know what you guys did, and thank you.
Well, zai jian.
- I am off to Channel Wu. - Oh, no, hold up!
You guys aren't going anywhere. The fight went viral!
It's the most attention this broadcast has gotten in years.
- NBC is thrilled. - Does that mean Zack's back?
Oh, no, he's gone.
You can't punch a cat. That's unforgiveable.
Mike, you are back in the anchor's chair.
- Yes! - And so is Susan.
- You're doing it together. - BOTH: What?
You guys are a time bomb that might go off any night.
My suggestion, save it for sweeps.
Harris, she'll hold me down.
Ugh, that's what anchors do, Mike.
"That's what anchors do, Mike."
Ugh, there's that chemistry we all love. [CHUCKLES]
- God, is that my golf trophy? - Yeah...
You almost went to China. [KISSES]
[MUSIC]
MIKE: The only constant in life is change.
To Harris and Leigh.
Keep your fights clean and your sex to yourselves.
[GIGGLING] Gorgeous flowers, Harris.
Oh, well, I couldn't take back
some of the stuff that I ordered for the proposal.
Hey, so that's the last of it.
MIKE: Sometimes you don't get the change you're hoping for.
Never thought he'd be leaving this way.
- Are you okay with this? - Yeah.
It's good. I mean, listen, this is practically my idea.
[SHUTTER CLICKS] Aw.
- Where's the picture? - Oh, no, see, it takes a while.
I've got to expose the negatives,
put it in the D-76, then put it in the stop bath
and then the fixer, and then let it dry for a day,
and then it'll be ready.
- Why is that better? - It's not.
Hey, we better hit the road.
That's why you should be grateful when you do.
Sit down already.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
You ready?
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER AND LAUGHTER]
But I for one am thrilled to have the opportunity to find out.
That's why I'm excited to announce that I'll be
sharing this news desk with Susan Rodriguez Jones.
Snore. Are you done yet, Michael?
Not by a long shot.
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com thx to mstoll for rip
[MAN LAUGHS]