Coming to get your gay on at Velvet, Conor?
I thought you would have needed more time off.
I'm getting on with things.
That isn't a head injury you just get up from.
Eva knows. About us, all right?
That doesn't have to stop us from having a bit of craic now, does it?
Leave me alone, right.
I thought you said we were just having a bit of fun.
I thought we weren't being exclusive.
Casual, totally casual. Suits me.
This programme contains some strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature.
MUSIC: "Rock The Life" by Rita Ora
Catch!
Leech! You ready to get wasted Derry-style?
I'm coming. I'm coming, I'm coming...
What? I'm-I'm-I'm not coming!
I'm going to Kitsch tonight! I'm-I'm going to Kitsch!
Kitsch versus a music festival?
You're a loser!
Why don't you keep going! Are you not done?
No! Hmm? Hmm?
Yeah.
I think it's going to do us the world of good to get away for a while.
You think so? Definitely.
CAR HORN BEEPS
Oh, looks like our lift's getting a bit impatient.
You have got to be joking me.
Sandie, please, allow me.
And may I just say those are smashing wellies?
Danny boy! All right.
Don't even. No problem.
What is keeping Jess? We should have been on the road an hour ago!
Hi! Have you still got that spare ticket?
Yeah, of course.
Quick as you can.
I thought I told you to leave me alone.
Hey, I'm just the driver!
But there was no need to delete me on Facebook.
Come on, Jess! Sorry.
It's going to be some trip.
All right, kids, let's get this show on the road!
So, how come you didn't go to the festival, then?
What? When I've got a bed full of booty here?
SHE LAUGHS
What about you?
Yeah, me and my old school mates bought tickets,
but Natalie reckoned it'd be full of hairies who hadn't washed in a week.
Who's into that, right?
Well, you and your mates must be if you got tickets.
Yeah, but that was sixth form, wasn't it?
Natalie and the girls are my mates now.
Let's do brunch.
Yeah? Why, what do ya fancy?
What do you think?
Again?! Uh-huh.
What? Your hands are cold!
Ah, my lips aren't.
How the hell are we in the middle of nowhere?!
You missed the sign after the diversion.
We should be enjoying ourselves at the festival now.
The only thing we're missing are the big queues at the beer tents.
Aye, because they'll have nothing left.
Ah, good one Danny. Keep them coming!
It takes a real special person to get lost between Derry and Belfast.
Was it the M or the 2 that confused you?
Oh, I'm sick of this shite.
If you don't know where you're going,
move for someone who does.
Someone please put that woman back in her box.
What did you say to me?!
Lots of things do in a back seat but driving isn't one of them.
Do you seriously want to go there with me?!
Going to teach me a lesson? Pull over.
You need to get yourself seen to. You just shut your mouth!
You're all talk! I'm warning you, McCann!
Would you two just shut the hell up!
You're acting like a bunch of idiots. What the frig?!
What have you done to the car? It's the engine!
Right, anyone order a sausage, cos the chef's special's coming right up!
It's supposed to be breakfast in bed.
Yeah, I forgot, I have to meet someone. I'll see you later.
Yeah, but I thought we were going to go into town after brekkie?
T-t-text me afterwards, yeah? Yeah.
I'll see you later on tonight though, yeah?
MUSIC: "Omen", by The Prodigy
So what, we're stranded in Culchie Central now? Well done, McCann.
We're going to have to call for help.
The gates open in 20 minutes!
Where are you going?
To get a signal! Wait!
Oh, there's poo everywhere!
Jess, what's the matter?
I don't know. I just...
Why not just come back to the bus?
It's not about the bus.
Conor's away to get help. We'll be moving soon.
Danny, I'm not happy.
I think we need to take a break.
Just for a while. Until... A break?
I've been trying to tell you for weeks.
You've been thinking of this for weeks?
Danny...
You're just too good for me.
MCCANN: Hey! Need all hands on deck here, kids.
I'm so sorry.
I need to speak to Shane. Leech?
I'm serious!
What's wrong?
It's that dickhead Meadows. Not again.
He's uploaded a clip and I can't get it down.
Shane's a programmer, right?
Just calm down. I'm in here for another hour.
Well, text him then!
He doesn't knock off till six.
Well, have you seen it?
It's not that bad.
Can you help me or not?
Leech, wait.
Wait up! Wait, what was that?
You have no idea how bad this is!
Am I going to have to slap you?
Look, it's Sam.
She has these, these mates...
Mates?
Look, I'm trying to talk to you here! OK, OK I'm sorry.
She has these mates, right?
They're the kind that hunt in a pack.
They've seen the video.
They've shared it. It's all over the net.
Hold on a minute.
You're not worried about Sam seeing it, you're worried about her mates?
Look, we're supposed to meet up tonight, right?
But if she's got them in her ear all day, I don't stand a chance.
You need to get a grip.
You're with Sam,
and if she stands by and lets her mates do her thinking for her
then that makes her the idiot.
You know what I mean?
Attention, all passengers
we are now entering a shit-free zone.
Please disembark using the rear doors.
Whoa.
HE GROANS
You know I did text other people about that tickets
but I didn't think anybody would be able to make it.
It's so last-minute and all.
What? How could anyone miss a weekend with Sandie Morrow?
I mean it, seriously! I want names because
they clearly need medical attention.
Anything?
Nope.
So, um...
What about your friend?
The girl at the bar?
Yeah?
She not around this weekend or...?
No. She's busy.
It's OK, you know. What?
You don't have to protect my feelings. I know you're a player.
Sandie... No, it's fine, really.
You've probably slept with more girls than I've had hot dinners.
There aren't loads of girls.
There's one.
Sarah.
She's my girlfriend.
We've been going out for a year.
But I don't want... It doesn't... No, no, no. It's too late for that.
Are you all right?
Jess finished with me.
She's not happy.
She's been wanting to tell me for weeks.
Did she say anything?
Danny...
You know what? I don't even want to know.
You planned this, didn't you?
You heard we were coming away and you thought
"Excellent, here's my chance to ruin Jess's weekend".
Ah, now, I would never use the word "excellent".
Is everything a joke to you?
Look, don't come crying to me
just because you and One Direction over there had a domestic.
A domestic?!
What? We broke up, actually.
Happy now?
You left that at mine.
Oh, whatever.
ENGINE ROARS
Dickhead!
Who you calling a dickhead?
You nearly ran me over! I was nowhere near ye!
Hang on a sec!
We've broken down up the road and could use a hand.
What's so funny?
Townies, man. You probably ran out of oil or something.
I'll have a look.
She says I'm too good for her.
At least she had a go at boosting your ego before she dumped you.
Sorry.
What does that even mean?
It means you're too nice.
Too nice?
How can you be too nice?
Well, some girls like the whole "treat 'em mean" approach.
You know? Like bad boy, "bit of rough around the edges" thing.
Brilliant.
So if I'd been out drinking every night
and ignoring her calls, this wouldn't have happened.
Wise up, would ye? What?
That's not you.
Danny...
You're good craic. You're smart.
You're talented.
You're the only guy I know
who genuinely gives a shit about other people.
That's why you're class.
You're right.
I need to talk to her. Um, OK.
ENGINE TURNS OVER
Nah.
It's banjaxed.
And that's your professional opinion, is it?
I can get it looked at in the morning if yous want.
The morning? Are you off your tits?!
It's not going anywhere.
So that's it. We're actually just going to miss the festival.
- Right, so we'll, uh, crash here, then.
My folks' place is eight miles up the road.
Aye, right, belter!
Aw, come on!
We've got booze,
what else do we need?
Food for starters.
I'm not sleeping in that van.
Oh, right, so we just all jump on his quad and go meet the inbreds.
Sorry, where are you from?
Man, don't even go there.
DANNY: Guys, we do have our tents.
So what, we just camp here?
There's a barn yous can crash in over there.
A barn. Great.
Brendan, my man,
you're a gent.
Right, folks - to the barn!
Uh...
Hope your ma's not home, McCann.
Wahay!
Look, I don't want to hassle you. I'm fine.
And I want to give you some space.
Let's just try to have a good night's craic
and we can talk about this when we get back, yeah?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
BRENDAN: Right, lads,
I'm out of here, so just try not to burn the place down.
Lock up in the morning. Whoa, what about the bus?
I mean I can't afford a tow truck out of here.
Well, I have a tractor but I'd need some help, lads.
Good man, Con.
Always the team player.
You're a bollocks.
Lock up!
MUSIC: "Gold Dust" by DJ Fresh
All right, girls. What's up?
Nothing much. What about yourself?
Ah, nothing. I'm sweet.
Sweet.
So how long yous been in?
Dunno. About 20 minutes?
So, Leech, have you seen any good internet clips recently?
THEY TITTER
It's a serious night out there, eh? Yeah.
Your parents around?
Ah, they'll be out visiting.
I just come here a few times a month, you know?
Check in on them. Make sure the place hasn't fallen in around them.
You a student? Nah.
Got to earn a living for myself and the aul' pair. Where do you work?
Place in town called Velvet.
You know it?
Well, there you go.
Oh, they're definitely looking over here.
Listen, do you want to go somewhere?
Where'd you want to go?
Yous are going nowhere. This is good craic!
Oh, my God, they're coming over...
Oh, my God, scundered.
Are you Leech? I am, yeah.
- Ninja bags?
Yeah.
THEY LAUGH
Seriously, man, you've got like 10,000 hits.
10,000 hits, right.
Man, it's spreading round our college like wildfire.
We all love it. Everyone loves it.
I'm serious, look -
we got you a pint!
Aye, well, good man.
Can we have a photo? A photo?
Oh, come on! Oh, please, man. Go on!
Go on! Aye, all right, I'm sure we can get a photo.
Yes! Go on!
Go on, go on! Go on!
THEY SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT
Go on, Leech!
ALL: Yeah!
# ..who owns those boots beneath the bed
♪ Where my old boots should be? ♪
Come on, now, Sandie, I bet you're a great singer.
ALL: # And you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool
# Drunk as drunk could be
♪ They're the lovely geranium pots my mother sent to me... ♪
BANGING What was that?
Ah, it was nothing.
ALL: # And it's many a day I travelled
♪ Hundred miles or more... ♪ BANGING
OK, I heard it that time.
Shh!
- Whatever it is it's probably... BANGING
So, uh, how long have you been living in Belfast?
About five years.
Soon as I left school.
Couldn't wait to get out of the place, I'd say. Why do you say that?
It's just where I'm from, everyone knows your business, you know.
What have you been getting up to?
You must find it hard coming back here, though.
You know, big change from the city and all.
I manage.
Still, you must prefer it up there?
Look...
If you're after a manual on how to be a gay lad from the country,
I'm sorry to tell you, there isn't one.
BANGING
OK, that was definitely closer than last time.
Right, wait, I'll get the torch.
Somebody go and have a look outside! Yeah, Ronan, will you go?
Ronan? All right, then, I'll do it. I've got it!
COWS LOW
It's feckin' cows.
So this is it?
You've been shagging McCann?
Um, Danny...
All those shifts in the bar...
..all the late-night library sessions.
This is what you were doing?
It wasn't like that. You have to let me explain...
And after everything...
..you'd let that scumbag touch you?
Right, we're all a little bit emotional
but you are going to watch your mouth here.
Get out of my face.
Right, um, I think we all just need to calm down.
How many times?
What?
How many times did you crawl into his bed?
You don't know?
I'm sure I've kept a tally somewhere.
You shut your mouth!
Danny he's not worth it. And neither's she.
Oh, like you're innocent in all this!
You knew?
MUSIC: "Omen", by The Prodigy
And you the captain too.
Your little secret must have went down a storm with the lads.
You glad you're out of it?
I've played football all my life.
I've just got to get over it though.
"Get over it"?
Dude, you've hit your head. You're not dying.
You're still you. You're just gay.
Your motto, is it?
Shit happens?
Yeah, well it does.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
I don't want to ruin this.
We've just been going so well and...
..I love being spending time with you.
And where does that leave Sarah?
I don't know.
At the minute my life is like exams and studying and...
..I don't know whether I'm coming or going or, like...
But with you?
You make it all go away.
I told a lie too.
You?
No way.
It was only you I texted about that ticket.
I wanted to tell you.
Why didn't you, then?
Cos you were happy.
I didn't want to hurt you.
I'm sorry, Danny.
You're probably one of the only people I can actually trust.
Then you're screwed.
Danny...
Not now.
MUSIC: "Ho Hey" by The Lumineers
Don't bother.
Mind your head.
Watch out for pedestrians.
Cheers, man.
No worries.
Conor...
Look, uh, I'll maybe see you around Belfast or something.
Happy birthday, kid.
Tonight is going to be awesomeness of balls-deepeness.
Relax. You're a free man.
I want to see you again.
What?! Get out! Get out!