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Well, it looks like a half-sandwich day.
- Hey, daddy. - Hey, honey.
How's ninth grade?
You have fun? You need advice about boys?
You're a smart strong young girl, so...
Screw boys!
Just so we're clear,
I'm not saying "screw boys" like go do that.
What's happening right now?
I'm single-parenting.
Sort of.
I read a book last night.
Some of it.
Maybe if you read to the end,
it would've said we don't need to do this.
Come on, Ellie,
your mom just moved away,
I just got a new and very weird boss.
There're all sorts of things we could be exploring together,
sharing our feelings about...
There it is.
OK, there is something I wanna know.
Great! Is it how I'm coping with my new boss?
If you're gay,
then how did you and mom have sex?
What was that?
It's OK,
we don't have to talk.
All right.
It was a long time ago,
here's what happend.
Gay.
Tried not to be.
Was.
Was again.
Was one more time because it was not unpleasant.
Am.
So was "was" and all the other was-es with one guy or...
I mean, I mean first of all,
There wasn't a lot "was-ing".
Although,
one "was-ing" was with a bear with no hair,
so wasn't a very fuzzy "was-ing", was it?
It's a rhyme.
OK, that's grandma.
She's gonna take you to school, all right?
Now listen, I know I haven't been around much
for dinner since you've been here.
Fine with me, upseting for you, go on.
There was a big project at work, but now it's over,
So I promise you
I will be home tonight.
And I'm gonna make you the best dinner
to celebrate our one-week anniversary of living together, yeah!
Our new life, full of love,
and patience,
and calm down...
You maniac, I'm parenting!
Good ones can do it and open the door at the same time.
It is still Monday?
Cause I've been out here since Monday!
Please, come in.
Your voice got here ten minutes ago and has been looking for you.
How was my baby?
I don't know, mom.
Honestly, going from being a fun weekend dad
to a responsible full-time dad...
Oh, well you think I'm talking about you?
That's funny.
I'm talking about Ellie! Poor kid,
fourteen years old and her mother abandons her.
Now she has no one,
no one!
Mom, Jill didn't abandon her.
She took a job!
And Ellie chose to stay and keep going to school with her friends.
Wait a minute.
I just remembered someone she has...
Wait a minute, it's coming to me.
Give me a second.
That's right, me.
Of course she has you.
Oh, sage, I need this.
You have so much on your plate.
A teenage daughter,
a terrible new boss.
That fantastic gorgeous man you finally found,
who dumped you.
This whole thing could be a disaster.
Sometimes,
you negative.
You hear how you tear into me?
Hi, grandma.
Hello, beautiful.
Are you sharing your feelings with your son?
Apparently that's super important.
Well, I'm trying, sweetheart.
But he never makes it easy.
Well, time for grandma to go back out in the hall.
Come here.
Now, don't be late, all right?
We're having our special dinner tonight
to bond as a family.
Wow, can I come?
Oh God no.
I hate the new owner.
He's mean, he knows nothing about online retail...
And... Why are you shaking your head?
Cuz he's on the phone with the new owner.
Oh, No!
No, I'm not talking about you, Max.
You're great.
I was talking about the new owner
- of... Uh-uh... - the deli down the street.
Yeah! That guy!
He knows nothing about online retail,
and so I... Hate him.
I'll take a look at those numbers when I come in, Sean.
And I'll see you later, too, Liz.
OK, sounds great, Max. Love you.
You love him?
Well, now that's confusing.
No, it's just something I say sometimes when I'm nerves.
I actually said it once to my mom.
Well, maybe you shouldn't just walk in the rooms talking.
Well, how was I suppose to know you were on speakerphone?
Yes?
I was waiting to see you if you're on speakerphone.
Serious? That's a thing?
Sean, have you see this new non-stick skillets that Max wants us to sell?
They stick.
Are we gonna go from a place that sells
quality products to one that sells garbage?
because I would not stand for that!
I will, if I had to.
But it is not OK,
unless that's the drill.
Now look, I don't wanna be any confusion,
I need this job.
My band is not making as much money as I hoped,
plus I think our bass player is ripping us off.
Yeah, but he's cute and distracts from the music, which is good.
which is good.
I know these last two weeks with Max haven't been easy.
Yeah, and I've been thinking about that.
What if we pool our money,
buy this place, and all own it together?
But you don't have any money.
I said, "Pool it."
As in everyone chips in.
But you can't chip in.
"Pool it," Sean.
Sean, people are really upset about Max.
You should talk to everyone.
All right, fine.
I'll go saddle up, ride out, and save the day.
"Saddle up and ride out"? That's new.
Yeah, I tried reading
a parenting book last night,
but ended up watching a western instead.
Hey, can I get everybody's attention, please?
I want to talk to you about Max.
Did he quit?
No, Howard. He's the owner.
Owners don't quit their jobs owning things.
Did he die?
Because owners do die, Sean.
They totally die.
What's happening?
Did somebody die?
Hey, Max,
We were all just getting psyched up
because this is the hardest-working,
most enthusiastic group of people in online retail, huh?
Come on!
I say online, you say retail.
- Online! - Retail!
Stop it!
Sorry.
Look, I know you've all been working late recently,
and I just want you to know
that's gonna be a permanent thing.
Or just to build on what you're saying,
maybe we take your excellent idea
and not...
do that.
Sean, our competition killed us again
last week with those throw pillows.
They cut open our stomachs,
ripped out our entrails,
and stuffed our gaping cavities
with their cheap, asinine decoratives.
If working harder is a problem for you people,
for what I spend on that guy,
I could get a billion chinese people in here.
Hey, Liz. Love you.
Love you too, Max.
Is that gonna be our thing?
'cause that is not gonna be fun.
What am I gonna do? I can't work late tonight.
I don't even want to work today.
No, I have to be home.
I promised Ellie I'd make her a special dinner.
Plus, the book was very clear.
A real man has to stand tall
against a miserable hombre.
Maybe that was the western.
Either way, I have to be home.
Eh, Max.
I have a daughter, Ellie.
Her mom and I divorced right after she was born.
Long story,
she wasn't a gay man.
Anyway,
Ellie just moved in with me,
And keeping my word is very important--
All the books and westerns say so--
And I promised her I'd have dinner with her tonight.
Sean, we all have families.
I don't specifically, but, if I did,
they would understand that I have to work late.
And so do you.
It's just that I haven't been around much,
and I promised I'd make her favorite, Chicken Parmesan.
Oh. Chicken Parmesan.
Why didn't you say so?
That changes everything.
Really?
No. Why would it?
I didn't think it would, but you just said it did.
I was kidding, Sean.
Humor is important in the workplace.
I read that somewhere.
I don't think they meant humor
at the expense of the employee.
Oh, so you read it too?
I don't see how that's possible.
I didn't even say what it was.
I'm just saying, whatever it was.
So you have not read it,
and yet you're an authority on it?
Okay, forget what you read.
I may not have read anything.
I may have made it up.
It doesn't matter.
I didn't make it up.
Is that a new chair?
Yes.
Sir, the point is, my daughter, Ellie--
Beautiful. Ooh.
Oh, it's like sitting on a pile of baby seals.
Sean, one of the reasons
I bought this company is because of you.
really?
You are a genius at picking products for this company to sell.
No...
You're also an excellent manager.
Well...
You set an example for everyone.
Yeah.
So you can never leave early.
Hahahaha...
I'm sorry?
Ha! I outwitted you.
Okay. Forget Chicken Parmesan.
What if I left early enough to make a simple soup?
Soup is better.
When you get home, which will be after dinner.
Again, I have outwitted you.
My prize is your chair.
Ellie.
Hey, dad.
I was just on my way home from school
and felt like saying hello.
Hello.
I'm just so glad I'm living with you.
Oh, that's nice.
I like this part.
You don't have an agenda, do you?
Of course not.
This suspicious mind is why you can't hold onto a lady.
Okay, so Liz said that you guys are kind of busy,
and I've got a lot going on,
so it's okay if we can't have dinner tonight.
Oh, really? That'd be great,
Because my boss is being a total di...fficult guy.
Well, that's a drag.
- I'll see you when I get home. - Okay, honey.
Oh, wait a minute, you mean you'll see me
when I get home.
We'll both see each other at home.
That's what's important.
No, no, because saying you'll see me when you get home
implies that you're going out.
Let's talk about this tonight when we both get home
in no particular order.
Okay, all right, all right. One second, one second.
Oh, so that's what that's for.
Why don't you want to have dinner with me tonight?
- Because you can't. - Ellie.
Okay, my friends Emma and Tess invited me to see this band--
- A-ha! An agenda. - A-ha! No, it's not.
We had plans to have dinner tonight,
and that's what we're gonna do.
But you can't.
And I outwitted you.
What?
Outwitted you again.
What about this for a description?
"These eye-catching side tables
give any room a touch of drama."
As do I, by the way, thank you very much.
Okay, it's 6:00.
I ran out earlier and got a chicken.
It's waiting for me in the break room.
- I have to go. - Then go.
- I can't go. - Then stay.
- I can't stay. - Then stay.
- You mean go. - You said you can't go.
- I can't. - So go.
- You mean stay. - You can't stay.
Don't stop. You just about figured it out.
Sean, be bold.
Sneak out the bathroom window and run like hell.
I'm not gonna sneak out the bathroom window.
But the rear door is alarmed,
and it's the only window that opens.
Clearly, they do not want us leaving.
I'm just gonna go tell Max I'm leaving.
I-I'm not afraid of him.
Max!
If this is about you leaving early,
No, you can't.
No, I can't.
You dropped your chicken.
Thank you.
It never worked when it was on the wall.
You dropped your chicken again!
No, no, don't. No, no, don't--don't!
Oh, god.
Wow, those side tables really do add drama to any room.
Help me out of these, all right?
Come on.
Okay, move those tables. Move those tables.
Chicken, all right. Now cup your hands.
- Hoist me up, okay? - Come on.
One, two, three.
Oh, don't look at my ass.
Don't look at my ass.
Don't look at my ass!
I know you're annoyed.
You wanted to go out, and I'm making you eat a meal
that may or may not have asphalt in it.
We didn't have to have dinner together.
I realize mom's not around. She left.
Thank you, mom.
But that doesn't mean I need your help
adjusting or with anything.
"Thank you, mom"?
That seems worth exploring.
I'm fine.
I think we should talk about her leaving.
You. Leaving you.
I could have gone with her if I wanted,
And I didn't want to, so I don't need you
trying to help me with my feelings.
It's probably grandma.
She gets upset when people yell at me
and she can't pile on.
Hello.
Max.
Hey.
No,
great, yeah, no, totally.
All right. Yeah, I'll see you real soon.
Okay, love you.
That was my boss. He wants to see me.
I'm gonna have to call grandma to babysit.
I don't need a babysitter,
and why does your boss want to see you now?
I snuck out to get home, and I...
cracked his windshield with a chicken.
You snuck out?
Are you gonna get fired?
No, no, no, honey.
He just wants me to run over to the Silverado and talk to him.
The Silverado?
Is that a strip club?
No, it's a hotel. He's only been here a few weeks.
- He doesn't have a place yet. - No, you're lying.
Liz said Max is a bad man.
He's gonna take you into a back room
at a strip joint and beat you with a golf club.
Dad, I have seen the movies.
What kind of business do you think I'm in?
I told you we didn't have to have dinner.
- I told you. - Ellie, come on!
It's gonna be fine.
God, I hope the Silverado's a hotel.
Oh, sure, when you need something,
Door opens right away.
Thanks for watching Ellie, mom.
You bet.
Wow, you look nice.
Thanks. I have a date later.
I don't want to know.
His name is Daniel.
I don't want to know.
We've kissed.
Gonna move things along tonight.
Seriously, we don't have to be this close.
All right, so Ellie's up in her room, mad at me.
Kids are tough.
You were a pain in the ass.
Thank you.
A real pain in the ass.
Got it.
Just horrible.
So why is Ellie mad?
Because I don't know what I'm doing.
She wanted to hang out with her friends
instead of having dinner, should I have let her?
I don't know.
And now she knows I'm in trouble with work.
Should I have told her?
I don't know, because
I don't know anything about parenting.
Nobody does.
It's all a mess.
Fish have it right.
Just drop 'em and go.
You tried that once at a food court,
but I found you.
My sweet boy.
The only thing you can do is keep trying.
Don't give up. Never let her push you away.
I just don't want to blow it.
She's a good girl. She deserves a good dad.
Hey, she has the best dad.
All right. I gotta run.
Listen, if I'm not back in an hour,
I've been murdered with a golf club.
- Then what? - I don't know. Mourn me.
What's that gonna do?
Boy, that Daniel sure is a lucky guy.
He will be tonight.
Sir, I was wrong.
I hope you'll accept my apology.
And this $20 coffee gift card.
That barista was right, now 20 doesn't seem like enough.
Hey, dad.
Hi, sweetheat.
Ellie!
What are you doing here?
You're in trouble because you want it to be with me.
And now I wanna be with you.
No,no,no, that's very sweet.
I really appreciate that. But go home.
And tell grandma nice job with the babysitting.
Sorry, I'm here to back you up.
Just like the town drunk in that western you're obsessed with.
Ellie, please, this ain't your fight.
Now go on, get.
What's it? It's a daughter?
Enter.
Oh, you have a cockatoo.
Tiel. Cockatiel.
A cockatoo would be five times Hector's size.
I don't know birds.
I knew it was a bird.
Please...
Continue to stand.
- This is Ellie. - Ellie,
this is Max and
Hector.
- Hello, sweetheart. - Hello, sweetheart.
- Hector, please. - Hector, please.
I hate this part of you.
Sean, why don't you start with the best apology
you can muster, and then let's see where that takes us.
No.
No?
No.
I'm not going to apologize.
Who are you to make me choose between my job and my daughter?!
Your boss.
That!
is a truth.
But this girl is the most important thing in my life.
And her world has been turned upside-down,
whether she realizes that or not,
and I'm going to be there for her
whether she wants me there or not.
So I will be having dinner with her.
And I got you a coffee card.
The first of two.
Well, this is too bad, Sean.
I had hoped that we could keep working together.
My mom abandoned me.
What?
- What? - What?
My mom, she left. She moved away.
I didn't want to go, and I thought She wouldn't leave without me,
but she did.
And that sucks.
She sucks.
And now, all I have is my dad,
and we don't have the same shorthand,
and he thinks dinner is way too important, but
I need him.
And I'd really like him to keep having a job,
if possible.
Clever in bringing the girl.
Your mom abandoned you?
Okay, I just said that for his benefit.
Oh, we are so going to be talking about that.
Whatever. Can we eat first?
Yes, definitely, I'm starving.
Oh, this looks great. Thank you, sir.
The room's a mess. We'll just take it from here. Thank you.
Have a good day.
Buh-bye now.
Pull up a chair.
Salmon. Nice.
Yeah. And no asphalt.
Your boss won't mind?
Oh, who cares?
I promised you we'd have a special dinner tonight,
And that's what we're gonna do.