This programme contains some strong language
Come on, ya good thing!
Can we not play this game now, please? What game?
The whole "I've got a sadder story than you" game.
Cos I usually win. My sister killed herself.
Eva, it's not your fault.
Man, you have no standards. I've standards!
Fellas do the weirdest things just to try and be one of the lads.
I don't need a stalkin' bunny boiler on my case all night!
Ooh, Leech has grown a pair!
THEY LAUGH
That's piss?!
It's over, Chris. It doesn't have to be.
There's nothing going on with me and McCann.
She's an eager one, I'll give her that.
I just think you can do better. What, like you?
Sorry I waited so long.
What happened with us was a one-off.
It will happen again. It's just who you are.
LEECH: Man, I'm serious.
(We need to get a week of gang-bangs and everything.)
I wish I could just be with you...
You're not on your own.
You're stuck with me now.
OK, OK, got it! And action!
Welcome to our new house!
Eva, jump in! Danny, get Eva. Eva! Say something.
Shove that in my face and I'll shove it up your hole.
MUSIC: "I Will Wait" by Mumford & Sons
Conor, come back! Yes, lad!
Conor, come back! I've got a load of drink!
Yes, lad! Yes, lad!
Ah, it's good to be back.
Boy, two months of taking orders off my old man,
I couldn't wait to get out.
Wait until you see the new gaff, it's going to be a complete skank den.
All kinds of crazy - know why? Cos we're second years now,
and that means the prey just became the predator.
What the hell are you on about? First years, lad! Fresh meat!
HE SNIFFS I can smell it.
They're all going to be at the party
and I'm going to ride the hole off meself.
Here, did you bring the poteen?
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
There you are now.
Same again for table four. Now.
Eh, I think you'll find I'm your boss. So you do what I say.
Not for much longer.
Jess, how many times - not in the workplace.
That's it. Get it all out of your system,
because in 20 minutes, I'll be out of here
and you'll still be pulling pints for pricks in suits.
Sticking round for a drink, though, yeah? Why?
Leaving do. In your honour. Not that you deserve it.
Sorry, no can do.
You know, I remember when you used to be a bit of craic.
That's funny, cos I don't remember you ever not being a knob.
Right.
Sandie Morrow on wheels, eh? Belfast beware!
THEY LAUGH How are you? Ah!
I take it you won't want lifts to training, then?
Now, I didn't say that.
Ha! Well, this is the highlight of my summer.
What? No handsome lads in Coleraine for you to be throwing yourself at?
I don't do that.
You mean, after this, you just couldn't love again - is that it?
No. I mean I've never been that drunk again.
Well, you never know what's going to happen this year, Sands.
KNOCK ON DOOR Yo!
Can I come in or are you having a wank?
Here, have a look at this stuff we shot.
It's for my short-film project.
So, what, are yous, like, married now?
Can you put that back, please?
So, how was summer in the shaft? Did I miss any good riots?
No, it was kind of quiet.
Actually, it was nice having the place to ourselves.
Erm, what's this?
Oh, we did Electric Picnic. You went without me?
We got tickets last-minute.
Look, if it's any consolation, it was amazing.
Aw(!) Bite me.
So what do you say we celebrate the fact that I'm back
and we go get shitfaced?
I'm busy. Come on, there's loads of us going to Velvet.
You should come. Me and Jess have this stuff to shoot tomorrow,
and she's going to be home soon, so... So what?
Hey, you're home.
Mmm-hmm. Last shift done!
Hey, can I borrow this? Sweet!
Yeah...you're welcome. Thanks.
Oh, my God, I've missed her(!)
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
Why do we have a painting by a two-year-old on the wall?
Eh...I bought that. Well, it has to go.
What's going on? Sandie's called a house meeting.
Already?! Sweet. What are you at?
Spreading the word about this party tonight.
Who you texting? No-one.
Just stuck it on Twitter.
Right, folks!
Thought we could toast the new house.
It's supposed to be good luck or something. Aw...thank you.
Why does it feel like day one in the Big Brother house?
Bagsy I'm first to walk.
More like first one to stick a wine bottle up your...
I think it's a great idea. Go on, Sandie.
Right, well, here's to the new house, and to a new term...
and new beginnings!
Aw. Wahey.
Oh, and I forgot to say, if we can just, em,
try and keep the place clean and tidy, then that would be...
To second year! Go hard or go home!
To first-year fannies!
DOORBELL RINGS
Fannies? I'll get that. He's turning me.
Ah, Leech, ye hallion!
You've just moved in, so I'll just say my piece and go, OK?
OK? Who are you? I'm Shelia.
I know there'll be parties and noise.
I know at least two of your mates will think
it's hilarious to wear traffic cones on their heads and stagger down
the street singing The Fields Of bloody Athenry
at the top of their voice. I can deal with that. I have done for years.
Just do me the courtesy of ending it by 1:30,
otherwise I'll end it myself.
I'm a reasonable woman - just don't rip the arse out of it.
MUSIC BLARES
ALL: Woo!
Let's this party started, argh!
Leech! I knew you were up to something. This ends now.
Ah, it's only getting started!
No parties, Leech! That was the rules.
I don't want to lose my deposit because of you.
You won't, I swear. It's only a couple of hours,
then we're all going out somewhere afterwards.
GLASS SMASHES
Oi, Leech, man! Nice party, mate.
Right, let's go!
EXCITED SCREAMS
Here, are yous first years? Yeah.
You got any gear on the go at this thing or what?
Oh, aye, oh, aye, what do you want? What are you after?
Blow, Es, whatever, like. Surprise me.
I'll see what I can do.
Well, here, if you get us it for free, Sam here might even ride you!
SHE LAUGHS
You going to come down any time soon?
In a bit. Just want to be sure everything's set for tomorrow.
Oh, well, I can keep you company if you like?
I don't know. It could be a bit distracting.
Yeah, you're probably right. All right, I'll leave you to it.
Hmm, hold on, I was just about to take a break.
COMPUTER BEEPS
Erm, Danny, is that supposed to happen?
It'll be fine. No, no, no, I think you should have a look.
No, no, no! Ooh.
No, no. Don't be doing that!
Aw, please, please, please. What's happened?
The hard drive's just packed in! It's died on me.
I've lost everything.
MUSIC CONTINUES
DOOR BUZZES
How's it going?
What's keeping you?! I've been waiting in the taxi.
Well, it takes time to look this good!
Where are you off to? Out.
(I've been trying to call you.)
Hurry up.
Hey! What about this party?
What about it? Look, it's Justin's last night, I have to go out.
Even if I am rippin' he's getting out of this place for good.
Justin! Justin!
What's going on?
Go back inside. You leaving?
Yeah. I am.
Where?
States, all right?
That's all I get? You weren't even going to tell me?
I thought we were doing good, weren't we?
Aye. We were.
Then what's this about? Conor. It's over.
Coming to get your gay on at Velvet, Conor?
ENGINE STARTS
I told you we should have got drunk earlier on!
Hey, where you heading? For skunk and more drink!
We're sobering up! I can get you skunk!
Aye, whatever(!) You said that an hour ago.
Carly?
H-How's it going?
Good. Just finished work.
Free burritos, perks of the job. Aw, class...
BOTTLE CLINKS
Sounds like she's in full swing, mate.
Aye. Christening the new gaff.
What are yous at?
Going home to kick someone's ass at Call of Duty.
Ah, you play, do you? Shane's a programmer.
Sorry, Shane, this is Chris - I mean, Leech.
All right? Aye, I think I seen yous in the Boathouse before.
OK, well, have a good one, mate.
Nice one. Take her handy.
Did you see the state of them? I mean, how sad can you get?
And you know what? If she thinks I still feel guilty, I don't!
I mean, I tried to apologise. She wouldn't listen.
So if you think about it, she's the one that should feel like shit.
And what's she doing with that prick and his big...
big...man hands?
You're welcome to her, mate.
You want to take that on, you're more than welcome.
Can I ask you something, mate?
Go ahead.
Have you ever fucked up the best thing that happened to you?
I mean...I could be myself with her, you know?
Do you know what I mean?
Jesus, lad, grow a pair, would you?
Yeah.
Yeah. I sound like a wee girl, eh? What's in that stuff anyway?
You need to man up. (Yeah.)
Here, I might check the party across the road - fancy it?
Game tomorrow, but I'll catch you later.
We're at maximum capacity. Try across the street!
Leech! End this now!
Conor, we've got to stop this!
It's not my problem. They're pulling the house apart!
Conor! What's wrong?
What'd I say to you? Get out of here!
Just take your booze and buzz off!
You should have stayed at the party.
I just have to pick up my spare hard drive.
I wanted to come. Anyway, I brought the party with us.
HE LAUGHS
OK, well, once I grab this, we can head back and celebrate, all right?
Mmm-hmm. Sounds like a plan.
I thought you'd be celebrating your freedom with the ones from the bar?
You trying to get rid of me? No chance!
Here, guess what happened this day last year?
What?
You crash-landed in Belfast and met me.
Oh, God, you're right.
Happy anniversary!
Kind of.
Happy kind of anniversary!
MUSIC: "Don't You Worry Child" by Swedish House Mafia
OK, so spit the bricks.
You've had a face on you for weeks, who is he?
Don't know what you're on about.
Really? So it's nothing to do with
the guy whose calls you've been ignoring?
He's killing my buzz and I don't even know him.
It's no-one.
OK, someone was messing me about, it's fine now.
I've ended it.
Good. I thought you were having second thoughts about leaving.
You joking? Can't wait to get away from you.
Piss off now if you like?
I'm messing. Just realised it's time for a change.
That's all.
Know what you need? Some shots!
I'm sorry, OK? Conor...
I know why you're doing this.
Because I disappeared home for the summer without you.
You think I'm leaving to get revenge?
I couldn't come back, OK? It's not that easy.
I said I was sorry, you don't have to go.
It's too late! Why can't you get that?
You haven't been able to tell anyone about us.
Your friends, your housemates.
You made me lie to one of my best friends!
Give me another chance, please?
All right. You want another chance? Go tell Eva about us.
She's over there.
You don't know what you want.
Leech, speak up, I can't hear you. Where the hell are you?
Eh...I had to nip out for a bit. Where are you?
I'm trying to find Conor.
Right, big lad. What's the craic?
Bang-on house party, isn't it?
What do you mean, nip out? Where are you?
Party across the road. Well, if you're not in the house,
then who's minding it?
Leech? Leech?! SHOUTING
Where are all the taxis?!
Wah! What are you doing?!
I thought you were trying to attack me!
I was seeing if you were OK. Look, sorry I bothered you.
I can't find my friend.
My house is being trashed because of my stupid housemate.
Right.
Come on. What? You look as though you need a drink.
I don't even know you.
Suit yourself. But for what it's worth, if you can't find
your friend, he probably doesn't want to be found.
And if your housemate doesn't give a toss, why should you?
Good luck, yeah?
Wait!
OK, I'm not sure what's happening here.
I'm getting you that drink.
OK, thank you.
(Sam? Samantha?)
(Sam? Saman...?)
All right, Leech? Long time, no see.
OK, are we done torturing me yet?
I'm just pointing out your good qualities, that's all.
That I cried over a dog?
No, that you're very loyal. And his heart's easily broken.
Erm, let me get these.
Leave it, Jess. I'll do it.
Right, it's working.
I'll grab the spare duvet down for you.
It's OK, we're up early. We have to head back.
Sure, I'll bring it down anyway.
What do you reckon?
No, Danny. You said we could go to the party!
It's probably died a death. We can get a taxi back in the morning.
What about my leaving do? That'll still be going. You promised.
Look, you go.
I want to get some proper sleep so I'm ready for the morning.
No, cos now I feel bad...
Well, don't. Honestly.
It's your party, go enjoy it.
Won't your mum mind? Leave her to me.
Go. OK. Have a drink.
Touch it. No, I'm all right!
Go on. I'm fine, seriously.
Probably best. She doesn't really like strangers.
Do you, Brian? B-B-B-Brian? Especially snooping little bastards
that should have learned their lesson last year.
Because we know what happens then, don't we, Brian?
SHE VOMITS No!
Dirty bitch! Sorry...
You're not the reason I'm going.
If anything, you were probably the only reason I stayed this long.
I can't wait around for ever.
Stay.
I love you.
Me staying won't help you.
Look after yourself, OK?
THEY CHAT
I c-could not believe it, man...
It was just something that would happen...
Any margaritas left?
ALL: Hey!
I was wondering when you were going to turn up. Get the lady a drink.
See. Told you you couldn't stay away.
Hey, here.
What?
I can't work you out.
What do you mean?
You're like the saviour of hopeless cases.
First you help me and then you pour tea all night
for the drunks of Belfast.
Why do you care?
Well, why do you care?
I don't pour tea for drunk people.
No. But you spend all night looking for a mate
just cos you think he might need you.
That's pretty common.
I don't know...
Music, right? What?
You're a music student? Am I right?
Accountancy.
Oh, aye, cos you do something really exciting?
Final-year medicine. You're a doctor?
I'm doing re-sits at the minute, but...
..I could save your life.
That's...
That's pretty average. Oh! Is that right?
Yeah.
How was that? Was that, eh...average?
Erm... I hope your mate's OK.
Thanks.
Right, get in, get out, before Conor gets up here.
Be really quick, cos he could come up here and scoop us.
What are yous doing?! We know you've got rocket fuel up here.
It's not yours! Relax your kacks, will you?
You're the one stashing drink. That's bad craic, man.
It's not your drink, you ballbag - is there something wrong with you?
Anything, man? Nothing, mate!
Full of books...
Sweet.
What's that?
Look at that.
Aw, man. This..
..is too good.
I fucked it up, lad.
CHEERING
She's cut the power!
Hey!
What are you playing at? Look.
You could have had a drug-fuelled orgy for all I care.
I just asked for it to be over by now.
And what, we have to do what you say?!
I'm here 30 years, you've been here two minutes.
If you don't like it, move.
Why? So a mad old bitch like you can get her way?
Oh, dear. Are you the sad, lonely one of the group?
Oh, really, and where's all your family?
Or did everyone go and die just to get away from you?
Listen to me, you wee culchie...
I'm not afraid of you!
Who are you calling a culchie? I'm from Derry!
Just saying what I see.
ALL: Wahey!
You know...
I know why you're really leaving this place.
Uh, is it because you've been coming on to me all summer? No.
It's because you're scared of what will happen to us if you stay.
You think you're so irresistible, don't you?
Look, Danny's a nice guy, brilliant, good for him, but...
I know he doesn't.
Wait, so now you know how I feel?
Wow, it must be amazing, being you(!)
OK. Tell me it's not true, then.
Tell me you're happy and I'll leave it.
I'll back off.
It's not true.
Really?
Mmm-hmm.
That's what I thought.
MUSIC: "Only God" by Little Rivers
KNOCK ON DOOR
Conor?
Please. Let me in.
Is it true?
Conor Martin, putting the gay in GAA!
THEY LAUGH
I didn't even get his name, never mind his number.
Bet you I never see him again.
Bet you any money.
Did Jess not come home last night?
We have to get this place sorted or we're out on our ears!
That mad out bitch called the peelers on me last night!
She pays up, we'll say no more about it.
Jess, I've lost everything. Of course I need you.