Because you're a slob, June.
(sighs) because you Â are a disorganized...
ooh! Dumpling.
(thud in distance)
Chloe?
(whispers) Chloe?
(clatter)
(floorboard creaks) Â Chloe?
What?!
(whispers) I heard something.
Yeah! You screaming Â "Chloe! Chloe!"
at the top of your lungs!
(clatter) Â (both gasp)
What was that?
Aah! Â Aah!
Nuts! Nose! Nuts! Nose!
Teddy!
It was me. I was the noise Â she was hearing.
(laughs)
(panting) Who is Teddy,
and w-what is this room Â that I've never seen before?
Oh, that's our third bedroom.
I use it as my closet.
And Teddy and I went to Â psychopath camp together
when we were kids!
June, I didn't tell you Â about the closet,
and that's a big thing Â to keep from somebody.
I'm sorry.
It's so good to see you!
I'm gonna give you Â a back crack!
Back crack! Back crack!
(Katie Hampton) ♪ I'm not Â perfect, I'm no snitch ♪
♪ but I can tell you ♪
(whispers) ♪ She's a... ♪ Â (buzzer)
♪ Ba-Da-Da-Da-Da-Ba, ba-Da-Ba ♪
♪ ba-Da-Da-Da-Da-Ba, ba-Da-Ba ♪
This whole room Â is for your clothes?
I keep my suits in a trash bag Â on the fire escape.
Camp C.U.T.S.--
it stands for "Callous Â Unemotional Trait Survivors."
You kept the shirt?
Of course I kept the shirt.
I loved it there.
Should we sing her Â the camp song?
(Chloe and Teddy whistle tune)
(both, monotone voice) Â We are normal children.
We don't torture animals.
Respect your therapist. Â Take your meds.
Our pain is hopefully finite.
My mom sent me Â to camp C.U.T.S.
Because she thought I had Â trouble EXPRESSING any emotion.
I had no reaction to that.
And my mom sent me because of Â what I did to my brother.
What'd you do Â to your brother?
So every year, Â Teddy goes off his meds,
and he comes to town for Â the Carter Marsh warehouse sale.
Unmedicated Teddy Â is exactly what I need to help
fend off the vicious women Â from Connecticut
who S.U.V. In for Â the biggest sale of the year.
Can you hear them, June,
preparing for battle,
sharpening their fingernails?
(high-Pitched voice) Â Shing-Shing. Shing.
This is the dress Â that I want.
Retail value is $4,000.
They'll mark it down Â to $399.
They'll only have one, Â and they'll hide it...
but I'll find it.
What does Teddy do?
He clears a path Â and erects a force field.
I'm tough, June, Â but I need a warrior--
someone with no fear.
You were the fearless one.
You pushed miss wu Â out of the ice cream truck
and threw us all bomb pops.
Wu was slow. Â She had to be pushed. (laughs) Â (laughs)
That camp was the best. Â It's so sad that it's gone.
What happened to it?
It burned down. Â Closed.
(Chloe laughs)
And so what about you? Â How many guys in your rotation?
Seven.
(singsongy) Â But she only loves one!
June, shut up!
She does? Who is he? Â His name is Benjamin.
He directed a wonderful movie Â that James was in
called "Love Monster."
Never heard of it! Â They met on halloween,
and she thought she was Â playing a trick on him,
but it turned out he was Â playing a trick on her,
and they had a romantic scene Â at the airport
and they haven't talked Â to each other since.
Excuse me. What is going on Â under your top?
It's a, uh, Â it's a bathing suit.
Aah! Devil!
What? It's been really crazy Â at work,
and I haven't had time Â to do laundry.
June, if you wanna come with us Â to the warehouse sale,
I'd be happy Â to block for you, too.
That's very sweet, Teddy,
but I don't need Â any new fancy underwear.
June, you deserve Â that urinary tract infection
that bathing suit's Â giving you.
I pictured Â the exact opposite of this.
You can't go to war if you don't Â know the battlefield, James.
(sighs) the only good thing Â about this sale
is the xanadu it creates Â at the flagship store.
While you guys are here Â battling it out,
I will be uptown Â shopping in peace.
I'll even check in on how Â the Beek jeans are selling.
I usually end up signing Â a couple pairs
for young homosexual tourists.
Oh, look! There they are-- Â the connecticut crew,
still all sweaty Â from the carpool ride in.
Oh, the ringleader's Â really let herself go.
Hey, Heather! Hi!
You're fat!
Chloe, that woman is Â with child. Â I know.
Hey, Heather!
Good luck dragging your fat ass Â around here on saturday.
My name is faith,
and I know just where Â they'll stash it.
(gasps) my dress.
I'm gonna go flatten Â their tires.
Uh, I passed on a chemistry read Â with Helen hunt
for some tv pilot.
Uh-huh. What else?
(sighs) my second cousin Janet Â is in love with me.
Her hugs remain Â wildly Inappropriate.
Uh-huh. What else?
Why don't you just ask me?
Ask you what?
How Benjamin's doing.
Who Benjamin?
Chloe, you guys obviously Â like each other.
You haven't talked Â since halloween.
Why don't you just call him?
And be the first one to make Â the second move? No way.
Chloe, you like this guy. Â Stop playing games.
He's out of town, but I'm sure Â he would love to hear--
Practice drill! Â Oh!
Damn it, James!
Stop distracting me with Â your weird Benjamin obsession!
I have to focus!
This is the most important week Â of my life.
John Goodman?!
is John Goodman Â at the V.I.P. Walk-Through?
Oh! No, that's just Heather.
It's just Heather, everyone!
No autographs. Â Don't run up to her with a pen.
This person was not Â on "Roseanne."
(laughs)
(Horn honks in distance)
Be right back! Â Gotta use the ladies'!
(sighs) Frickin' bathing suit.
(alarm ringing) Â damn it!
Yay! Okay, just remember--
Hair in a bun, Â no loose clothing.
Why?
Ow! You didn't know Â those were clip-Ons!
Access point! Â Ow!
Access point! Access point! Â I get it!
(knock on door)
Surprise.
(door closes) Â You came to see me.
That means you made Â the first second move.
Uh, no. Sorry, Â I'm not here to see you.
I'm here to surprise jimbo with Â a gift I bought him in Italy.
You got me a present?
But you thinking I made Â the first second move
is actually you making Â the first second move.
Uh, what?
No, I--
Benjamin, Teddy. Â Teddy, Benjamin. (chuckles)
Chloe and I went to-- Â He's June's boyfriend!
He was--He was gonna say,
"Chloe and I went... Â to June's boyfriend."
(door slams)
June, I need you to pretend Â to date Teddy.
If Benjamin knows Â too much about me,
he'll just use it against me Â as ammunition--
The same way you told me Â you used to wet the bed,
and now I refer to you Â as "Pee Dragon."
You're asking me to pretend-date Â your mentally unstable friend
who is currently Â off his meds.
Come on! June, it's Teddy. Â He's fine.
Bring it, Teddy.
See? Eli loves him.
Please, June? Please? Please? Â Please? Please? Please? Please?
Well, since you're basically Â admitting that I'm right
and you love Benjamin Â as much as I want you to, I-- Â Teddy!
Can I wear a Mask?
No. Â I'm in.
Hey. Â What's going on in here?
Uh, we w-we were just, Â uh...
we're boob-feeling.
Let's all go on a double date.
(mouths words) Â Chloe,
your friend just suggested Â a double date...
(chuckles) Â Your friend Â you've been whispering with
here in the kitchen. Â You wanna go out with me.
No, I don't. I actually Â don't want you to go.
Well, I'm not gonna not go Â because you don't want me to.
Well, I'm not going to not go Â because you don't want me to.
June, where are we going?
I-- Â No, don't tell them yet.
W-- Â don't tell them yet. No.
(Horn honks)
That little movie's Â taken over the world, huh?
Yep. Â (sighs deeply)
I think I'm still picking Â pink fur out of my teeth.
what's going on with you?
I, uh, just got Â a new bidet installed.
Uh-huh. What else? Â Yeah.
I had a crazy fight with Â my mail lady the other day.
Uh-huh. What else?
Why don't you just ask me?
Ask you what?
What's going on with Chloe.
(exhales deeply) Â I'm tired of being Â in the middle
of your guys' relationship.
(chuckles) W-What? Â W-We're not in a relationship.
Come on, stop the games. Â (pours liquid)
Listen, Chloe's not good Â at making the first move,
Especially if it's Â in the right direction.
But just cut the nonsense, Â and she will, too.
I promise you.
You mean, just... (sighs)
be real?
I know it sounds crazy, Â but it works.
It's like in the movie,
when I had to look past Â all the monster stereotypes
and just see plinko Â for plinko.
Thank you.
Any time. Â (clink)
Of course he's late. Â It's a power move.
And I'm sitting here with Â my hand up my dress like a jerk.
Why are we here so early? Â It's only 5:00.
I'm not hungry yet. Â I still feel lunch.
Because we have to go to bed Â at 8:30.
We need to be at the warehouse Â at 6:00 a.m. Sharp.
Where's Teddy?
This is ours. Â We were seated first,
but you got bread first, Â and that's not fair.
(dish clatters)
Oh. Okay. Okay.
(chuckles) Â Thank you.
(silverware clatters)
Well played.
Showing up late, Â establishing your dominance.
No more games, Chloe. Â I came by your apartment
because I wanted to Â surprise you, not James.
Actually... (chuckles) I blew Â off big meeting I had in l.A.
Because I wanted to come here Â and see you
because I missed you.
(lowered voice) I-I think Â he's just being honest with you.
(groans)
Maybe you can-- Â you can do the same?
(Benjamin, June, and Teddy) Â What?
June, I'm really sorry Â you had to find out this way.
If you need to have an ugly cry, Â there's a Couch in the bathroom.
Uh, Chloe, I was just Â totally honest with you,
so I don't get--
what don't you get?
I'm having an affair with Teddy, Â and June's about to ugly cry.
Come on, June, Â give them a little preview.
It's like... (imitates sobbing)
I can't do it Â because I'm too cute.
Teddy, let's go.
(Horn honks in distance)
What the hell was that? Â What?
Benjamin was finally Â being honest with you,
and you tell him Â this big, huge lie?
Well, the second he said Â "No more games,"
I got instantly bored.
I realized that's Â the only reason I was into him,
so I got out of it.
I don't believe you.
I think he finally started Â being honest with you,
and you got scared Â and you bailed.
That's what you do. Â You run.
No, I don't.
Teddy, will you please talk Â some sense into her? Â Ugh.
As you can see, Â I don't really like Eli.
What are you gonna do, Tedford? Â Flip my pancakes?
Hope you have Â 10-Foot long arms!
Stop calling me "Tedford."
Stop secretly Loving it!
These are our full dinners, Â by the way. Â (sighs)
I had to have a very Â uncomfortable chat with Benjamin
as they were boxed up.
I mean, is she serious? Â Is this a game?
Yeah, I-I don't know. Â (sighs) I don't know.
Hi. Um, can you just--can you Â just wrap up this bread for us
really quickly? Thank you. Â Sure.
And also I'm sorry. Can we have, Â um, a little extra dressing
in, like, in a little one Â of these? Thank you. Â Yeah.
And can we--can we have Â a bunch of forks?
Too many forks. Â Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know. Â I don't know.
Okay, Well, whatever.
We have to be up tomorrow Â at 6:00 a.M. Sharp.
You can't avoid your feelings,
just like I can't avoid Â the spring rolls!
'cause they're delicious Â and they gave me soy sauce
and I'm so happy.
Bam!
(crunches)
Wake up! We're late!
I did p.m. Instead of a.m.!
wake up! I'm gonna go get Â a cab.
ugh! Â Because you were thinking Â about Benjamin?
June, don't be ridiculous!
Teddy, clear the entrance!
This way! Go time!
I'm just saying, maybe Â last night had an effect on you.
Shut up! Shut up! Â This is way too much talking
about a guy I haven't even Â had sex with!
We haven't even kissed, except Â for a part of a halloween trick.
You haven't even real kissed, Â and you like him this much?
Further proof of love!
If we weren't late, Â so help me god,
I would turn around and push you Â down this flight of stairs!
I owe you one push down Â one flight of stairs!
(all screaming indistinctly)
Three minutes to rack! Â Let's go!
(screaming continues)
Uhh! Â (hangers rattle)
Aah! Uhh! (laughs)
Where are the changing rooms?
You're wasting precious time!
Oh, my gosh. Â These people are crazy.
Ow! Aah! Aah!
(shrieks) Â I'm still wearing it!
(Teddy) Aah! Â Ah!
Aah! Go down! Go down!
(muzak playing)
Tea?
Um, no. No. Thank you.
Actually, you know what?
I will have some tea.
Oh!
This is nice. Ooh!
This is lovely.
Mm.
(screaming continues)
uhh! Â Oh!
Ah! I can't get anything today! Â What is wrong with me?!
it's Benjamin!
You like Benjamin! Get away! Â Mm!
Should I get this? Â It's $800, marked down to $45.
Yes! Â Okay.
Oh, no. Are you okay? Â Diversion tactic! Â Who sent you?!
My grandmother!
What does she want?! Â that jacket!
Never!
Focus! Â Aah! I'm trying!
I'm trying!
Heather?
I'm getting Â two precious babies today.
I forgot my reference photo. Â Give me yours!
♪♪♪
Where's my boutique?
Excuse me?
The Beek jeans boutique.
Did you move it Â to the front of the store?
Oh, Mr. Van der Beek... Â (sighs)
They were selling really well,
but then we just reordered Â too many, and...
they've been remaindered...
to the warehouse sale.
(screaming continues)
(laughs) Â What are you doing?!
(screaming continues)
with this great chill-out corner Â just to relax and unwind and--
No, no, no! This isn't-- Â this isn't a place to relax!
This is--Fight here, too!
Come on, these are great jeans. Â You want these.
Look, she's got em. Â Now she's got 'em!
And... Â ooh!
Aah! Â Faith? Faith?
I'm looking for a woman Â who's just given birth? Faith?
You're looking for these!
Did you know about this?
We've been remaindered. Â Uh...
madam, can I interest you in Â a p--Her nose is bleeding.
Her nose is bleeding. Â She didn't even care.
(cell phone rings)
Okay, this is Benjamin Â calling me again.
What did you do to him?
I don't care. Â Don't let her fool you!
Mine! Â She does care!
(June and woman grunt)
♪♪♪
Oh, my God.
Aah! Â Aah!
Aah! Give it to me! Â Let go of it!
No! Â You're not even a size zero! Â You can't even wear this!
I had a baby this morning. Â You have no idea what I can do.
Teddy!
Faith? Come back to the hospital Â and breastfeed our baby.
Go wait in Â the relaxation corner, Craig!
It's not a relaxation corner!
They're Beek jeans, and they're Â both durable and stylish.
Incoming!
Teddy, help me!
Ah! Yes!
Damn yes! Yes!
Oh, god. Uhh!
What is wrong with me?
She was weak.
I could've... Â bitten her or scratched her
or just pushed her Â and kicked her.
I know she has Â tender areas now.
I never let a dress go.
Maybe that's because
there's something you want more Â than that dress,
like Benjamin. Â I know that look in your eyes.
I had that same look in Â Seventh grade over Aaron Demayo.
Our schedules never lined up. Â (Teddy whistles)
(monotone voice) Â ♪ Camp C.U.T.S. ♪
♪ Let your guard down ♪
I saw him briefly on the stairs Â on the way to math and science.
♪ Emotions are good ♪
but I'd spend the rest Â of the day distracted,
thinking about him...
♪ people Can change ♪
♪ despite what Â all the research says ♪ Â making easy mistakes like Â spelling "Separate" Wrong...
♪ people can change ♪ Â or, you know, Â mismarking a hem in home ec.
♪ People can change ♪
that's what happens when Â you like somebody, Chloe.
What are you doing here?
I lied to you.
I'm not having an affair Â with Teddy,
and June's not dating him.
I made all that up
so I could hide how Teddy and I Â really know each other.
We went to psychopath camp Â together.
What?
Which, usually,
I'll proudly tell any stranger Â I meet on the street,
but I didn't tell you...
(paper bag rustles)
Because clearly, Â I care what you think about me. Â (scoffs)
I mean, clearly I do.
Look how I did Â at the warehouse sale.
(scoffs) What is that?
A leg warmer Â and a dopp kit from Jack spade.
I failed.
And it's all your fault
because, obviously, Â I really like you.
(laughs) Uh, Yeah. Â Yeah, obviously.
Well, when you got all honest Â with me at the restaurant,
I freaked out, and it became Â this whole thing,
and then June ate a lot of food Â in a swimsuit.
But the thought Â of not seeing you again...
I saw so many things Â I wanted to tell you about.
I saw a bike messenger Â with tourette's,
two junkies arguing about Â which subway to take uptown.
Junkies arguing Â over mundane things
is one of my favorite things Â about New York.
I know! Mine, too!
Chloe, I don't care that Â you went to crazy camp as a kid.
God, do you care Â that I went to fat camp?
You mean, like, for a lot Â of summers or just one or...
(Of Monsters and Men's Â "Dirty paws" Playing)
You kiss like Â a crazy person.
♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh ♪
No! (giggles)
(door closes) Â are those all Beek jeans?
Yeah. I figured out why people Â weren't fighting over my jeans.
It's not the jeans' fault. Â It's my fault.
See, I let a great pair of jeans Â out in the world
without a great shirt and a belt Â to set them off.
So I'm gonna start Â a whole clothing line
called Â le Beek chic C'est Beek.
I'm still working on the name. Â (Chloe) Mm-hmm.
Yay! You're together!
No.
Benjamin is going to l.A. Â For a few months to do a movie.
Topher grace Â plays a schoolteacher. Boo.
(chuckles) so we're gonna Â keep it casual.
(clicks teeth)
June, what did you do?
Those pants were $28 Â for leather.
I am so happy Â with All my purchases.
And Teddy was amazing.
Oh! He's asleep.
His new meds must have Â kicked in.
Bye, camp friend. Â See you next year.
Oh! We couldn't get Â your dress back.
Faith is surprisingly strong Â for a woman who has
mesh underwear holding Â her uterus together.
But we did manage to get you...
this.
(gasps)
Cut it off Â in the checkout line.
It's the left sleeve!
Her dress is ruined! Â (giggles)
You guys are amazing! Â (laughs)
Whoo! Â (squeals) Back crack!
(door slams)
Oh, my god so intense.
Yeah! Actually, I did.
Did you, too?
Found some great stuff. Â (chuckles)
Oh, just...
(chuckles) Ruffles.
(chuckles) Â Mm-hmm.
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